1) The weather is really warm and summerlike and I realize I am having pre-traumatic stress disorder thinking of switching from winter's forgiving layers to summer clothes. Also, my legs are so white they are now made of marshmallows and mayo and I fear I may blind people if I try to wear a skirt.

2) Which brings me to self-tanner. Do you have a brand you use and like and can recommend? I have tried the Clarins stuff before which is good but kind of spendy. And is there a brand of self-tanner anywhere that doesn't have the weird telltale fake bake smell?

3) I'm not sure I get why the judges LOVE Siobhan and Paige on American Idol. But it could just be me.

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And finally, I hope to see you Sunday at The Knitter's Studio!

Rachael Herron and I will be doing a little reading/talking/signing thing together at the Knitter's Studio in Los Angeles this Sunday (March 21, 2010) from 2 p.m. to 4 p.m.

The shop is located at 8118 West 3rd Street, Los Angeles, CA, 90048. I'm going to bring my knitting and hope you will join us for a fun afternoon of knitting and chatting and book-reading. Do not fear! I plan to wear long pants and boots and pretend it is still winter so you will not be blinded by my marshmallow legs.

Usually I am awake at 4 a.m. but this wasn't the real 4 a.m., it was the fake 4 a.m. thanks to Daylight Savings Time which I am totally blaming for this earthquake. We definitely felt it in the valley what with our liquefaction and all, oh the words you learn, green eggs and ham.

This week is shaping up to be busy and freaky. I'm glad I was still in the fog of sleep with the quake hit so I couldn't spend too much time pondering if it was my fault for dreaming about earthquakes (in March, or May, my dream was an "M" month) and of course with all the world news lately about tectonic plates it does give you pause. Then I went back to sleep, until the real 4 a.m. came to pass.

I love how my new camera is so good it shows all the cat fur on the blanket. Ewww.

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What did you think of Idol results? I felt so bad for the guy with the mullet, the one with stage fright. That's the level of stage paralysis I myself have and I kept hollering at my TV set, "Get that boy some beta blockers and Xanax, stat!" but I guess drugging the contestants is not part of the American Idol master plan.

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Have a good weekend!

Do you like that corn pasta? I have celiac disease and I haven't tried corn pasta yet. I've tried the rice pasta (terrible!) but read somewhere else that the best pasta is made by Tinkyada. I pretty much gave up on pasta after the celiac diagnosis, and I love a good food adventure, but I sure don't like to spend major $$$ on gluten-free food unless I know for sure it's good!

Take care!
--Tania (rhymes with lasagna, which I can't eat, but maybe I should make it with zucchini, I hear it's pretty good that way.)

Hi Tania! In my opinion, the corn pasta is well worth the money. It's not exactly like wheat pasta but it's better than most gluten-free foods I have tried. The corn holds up well and with a good sauce you can barely tell the difference (or at least I can't but then again I am not a pasta connoisseur). I don't eat it very often but when I do I like it a lot!

It's not any more expensive than wheat pasta, at least not the DeBoles brand. It's on sale this week if you have a Whole Foods near you, I think I got a box last weekend for around $1.79.

The only caveat is that you must use a very large pot of boiling water (not a smaller pot) and when you put the pasta in to cook, stir it immediately and keep stirring it regularly during the first few minutes of cooking or it will clump together. I like it much better than the brown rice pasta, which I found doughy and spongy. I've heard you have to watch the rice pasta like a hawk to be sure you don't overcook it and I'm simply not that attentive in the kitchen. I need food that is less fussy about its cooktime, so the corn works better for me. It's a good alternative for people who want to eat less wheat or those who have a sensitivity to it.

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My favorite comment from yesterday by Three Good Rats:

I oppose the time change because it is confusing and gains us nothing. But I also think the US should adopt the metric system, so I am the queen of unpopular causes.

When Jen and Amber and Shannon and I went to Paris I turned to Shannon one night in our room, I think we were fairly intoxicated at this point, and said, "This wine is metric! So we can drink more of it, just like you can walk more kilometers than miles!" and this amused us to no end.

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I have my performance review later this morning. I am wearing my most conservative outfit, which is just my normal clothes with a boxy jacket on top of it all. I sort of look like a rectangle with a blonde head poking out.

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That's it. Today's a good Q&A day if you have any questions I'll try to answer. Oh, and no I haven't forgotten I promised to show how I sew on buttons but I just haven't done it yet. Whoops!

I don't know why we still do this time change thing anyway. Why can't we have one time and keep it all year? I realize we have larger issues facing us as a planet and all, but I am very stuck on the weird time change rules. Everyone has a cause. Apparently this is mine.

I like this guy's cause:

Amen, brother!

See that guy on the left?

Yep.

On Sunday I also made the alleged Kale Chips I have been hearing so much about and I can assure you, they won no awards. You can search online and find all kinds of variations on the recipe but it's basically kale, oil, seasonings and a hot oven.

I used Lacinto kale (also called black kale or Tuscan kale) because I prefer its flavor over curly kale. I am always and forever trying to sneak kale into my food to make me feel healthier and I like the Lacinto kale best. It's great mashed in with potatoes or in my favorite chickpea stew.

This is what kale looks like washed and patted dry:

Here it is with the big leafy stem removed and cut into pieces:

Below is a picture of it on the baking sheet. I used reader Rachel's tip and sprayed mine with olive oil rather than tossing in oil since I am not much of a drizzler, I tend to be a pourer (which works well on Brussels sprouts, but maybe not on leaf bits.)

And here they are at the end, cooked and crispy and seasoned with sea salt:

Awful. Really awful. But listen, you may find this is right up your alley. I think it's a tastebud issue, because this tasted just like toasted nori to me and I hate toasted nori. I can't stand the taste of nori, no matter how many times I try to like it. I took one bite of one of these kale chips and gagged. I took another bite to be sure, because I am a slow learner and I always like to give food a second chance, then I threw the rest of the cooked leaves away.

I still had a pile of uncooked kale left so I chopped it and added it to my everything-but-the-kitchen-sink pasta sauce that was simmering away on the stove. Every few weeks I make this sauce, you just start with a little garlic and some shallots and sautee them in olive oil. Then add in chopped tomatoes (I like cherry tomatoes best) and whatever else suits you. For this one I put in finely chopped zucchini and carrots, some cured black olives and some balsamic vinegar.

Then I added in kale and later basil:

You can see the steam coming off it! It's a good sauce. I serve it over corn pasta and add a little goat cheese and some pine nuts to the top. It's yummy and re-heats well for lunches.

I'm glad I tried the kale chips because I was curious about them and because it satisfies my goal of making new recipes this month but I won't be making that again. Yuck. I know a lot of people rave about them though, so you may find them just tasty as can be. I guess I prefer my kale sneaky and finely chopped into sauces or stews ... more of a supporting actor than the main event!

Yep. That's what traffic is like.

On Oscar Sunday I am making these alleged kale chips people have been telling me about... if you've made them and have a specific recipe you like, let me know! I'm skeptical at best that a pile of leaves can turn into anything worthy of the name "chip" but I am going to try it and hope to be very pleasantly surprised. Luckily I will have real chips on hand in case the leaf thing doesn't work out.

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Last night's Idol eliminations were pretty much what I expected except I thought the red-haired gal would go before the pretty curly haired girl (who I thought was very gracious when she got booted). Does anyone watch the whole results show? It's like Chinese water torture to me! I just forward through to the kiss 'n cry parts and it's a total of about six minutes of TV viewing. I can't imagine having to sit through the whole thing. I love fast-forwarding ... sometimes I think I am dating my Tivo and it's the best relationship I have ever had.

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Tortie action shot! So ready for the red carpet.

This bumper sticker might be saying "Do not take pictures of my bumper!" but I don't know since I don't speak Hebrew:

Recently a reader asked how I am able to take pictures while driving a stick shift. This question implies that I am actually driving. Is idling along in neutral for hours a week considered driving? But I only take pictures when I'm at a standstill because I'm all about the safety dance... except when I see something so momentous or on fire that it MUST be captured on camera and even then I keep my eyes on the road and just generally aim the camera in the direction of the on-fire thing. Or the momentous thing, like this LOS ANGELES POLICE OFFICE TALKING ON HIS HANDHELD CELLPHONE WHILE DRIVING:

It is against the law in California to talk on a handheld cell phone while driving and there he was, an officer of the LAW, tooling up the 101 just yammering away and laughing and having a good old time talking. I gestured at him, I waved out my window, pointing, making a big to-do and he didn't see me right next to him gesturing madly to please hang up and drive because he was just blind to the world, chitchatting away on his handheld phone.

I see people all the time obviously flouting the cellphone law (and the texting law) but of all the people to break the law you wouldn't think it would be those sworn to uphold it. Jeezfreaking Louise.

Wow, it was hard to get up on my high, high horse so early in the morning but somehow I managed.

Moving on.

Over the weekend I went to Chez Nous in Toluca Lake for a birthday breakfast for my friend Christine. Here she is smiling with the lovely Ellen Bloom:

We met up there with another friend, Liz, and had a fantastic lunch. Now as you know I am not someone who thinks a salad is a real meal. I never knew anyone who thought a salad was a meal until I moved to Los Angeles (also where I am from "salad" is usually describing potato salad, and it is accompanied by meat and something fried.) But the salad I ordered at Chez Nous was really great and was definitely a meal, mainly because it had a whole chicken on it and was the size of Rhode Island:

It was so much fun being a Lady Who Lunches for a day. Happy birthday Christine!

First, thanks for all the interesting and thought-provoking comments yesterday. I read each and every one and appreciated them all. You gave me a lot to think about and it is incredibly reassuring to know I am not the only one who gets flummoxed in conversations about weight. It's just so tricky a subject for me, and for so many folks.

Also I loved the people who pointed out there is so much more in the world to discuss that is far more interesting, exciting and scintillating that weight. Amen, people. Amen.

Like, for example, today being the day that my friend Rachael Herron's brand new book is finally available!

How to Knit a Love Song:
A Cypress Hollow Yarn

Rachael and I will be doing a little reading/talking/signing thing together at the lovely Knitter's Studio in Los Angeles on Sunday, March 21, 2010 at 2 p.m. The Knitter's Studio is located at: 8118 West 3rd Street, Los Angeles CA 90048. I'm going to bring my knitting and hope you will join us for a fun afternoon of knitting and chatting and book-reading.

Congrats, Rachael!!!

March is usually the time when my New Year's Resolutions begin to slip away, then I meander aimlessly toward my birthday in June when I make a new set of to-do items aimed to get me back on track. I'm actually glad this year I made the decision to write at the beginning of each month and check in with myself and my goals because it keeps them at the top of my priority list, which was the point of setting goals to begin with. Of course when it's August and my check in is "Yes, last month happened. Moving on...." we'll all have a good laugh and... uh, move on.

All of my lists and goals and tasks are always about two essential things: getting physically healthy and getting happy. So this year I broke it down into just those two goals.

Goal #1: Get Healthy
I dreaded my book event for many reasons but let's be honest: mostly I just didn't want to stand up in front of a room of people with cameras and be fat. But you know what? I lived. It ended up being really fun. Was I at my ideal size? No. Did it affect the quality of my penmanship as I signed books? Not a bit.

Listen, 2009 was a rough year. I found out I had this weird malady that I don't talk about because I don't want to be the poster child for said condition. But it involves really re-thinking everything you eat and I kind of sucked at it and by year's end I had gained a lot of weight. I also got pretty sick, which is why I seemed to remain perpetually two steps from the morgue from September through the end of last year. By December 31, 2009, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and I started the new year with real determination to get healthier.

I specifically did NOT make this goal about weight and have very carefully avoided talking about losing weight as a goal because I don't want or need dieting advice. (I still got an email last month from a male reader who said, "All you need to do is eat less and exercise more." And I thought silently to myself, "OH NO!! REALLY!! YOU SHOULD ALERT THE MEDIA!!!")

People who have never struggled with their weight don't realize this but most of us who do struggle with this issue know more about dieting and calories and diet plans and exercise regimes than anyone. We don't need a better book or how-to manual. We know what to do. We just don't do it. And speaking for myself I can tell you that I have been on a diet on and off for thirty years of my life and my weight problem is not going to be solved by another diet. My weight issue is between my ears. It's in my head, folks. I have to work on me, the inside-me, for the outside to fall in line.

This is why I have never considered weight loss surgery. I would be one of those people who gain it all back. I know this because fixing my weight issue starts in my head, in my thinking and in my way of dealing with stress and emotions.

For those of you who don't get it, maybe you think "Just put down the fork! Just go for a walk!" but think carefully about your own life and that one issue you have that shames you, that stops you cold sometimes, that one area of yourself you want to change. Is it compulsive spending? Obsessive hoarding? Terrible money management? Dating guys who treat you poorly? Going after married men? Substance abuse? Constant inertia in your job/life/family? Whatever it is, that problem you have, well -- that's what it's like for someone with a weight issue. It's an issue, just one that is more visible to the world. And it changes only with a combination of behavior modification and real effort to re-think your mental approach to it.

I'm focusing on getting healthy because it's systemic. It's not a diet, you can't fail it, you can't do it for anyone but you, and there are lots of cool components to it.

In February my goal was to build on the stuff I was doing right, like cook all my own food and go for walks in the mornings. I also wanted to work on getting better at having breakfast regularly. I was skipping breakfast because I didn't want to take the five or six minutes each morning to prepare it, which is just silly. So I decided to buy honey and cinnamon and leave it at my office and bring yogurt and eat that at my desk each day. It's going very well!

I didn't walk very much at all in February, a combination of rain and exhaustion and creativity with excuses... so in March my goal is to walk every day, even if just for ten minutes. I'm happy to say I have thus far walked every day in March. You know, meaning today.

My other goal for March is to try a new recipe every weekend this month because I'm starting to get in a food rut, making generally the same meals day in and day out. But this whole roasted vegetable thing has been a revolution in my life. I am a roasting fool! I love it, I can eat a whole pan of roasted anything for dinner and it's just delicious and perfect.

I'm happy with my progress, even if it is slow. But real change, very significant change, is going to take a while in my poor diet-broken brain.

So it's progress, it's good. It's March and I'm still moving forward.

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Goal #2: Get Happy
Well, I had a longer and more philosophical title for this resolution but the basic principle is to be happier, say yes to the best of life and ignore the icky, nasty bits.

Usually for me this is an attitude issue. For example, I could have spent LOTS of hours beating myself up mentally for not being the lithe skinnier me of my dreams for my book signing. But I recognize that you cannot go back in time and make better decisions, no matter how hard you want to do that. So, instead of flogging myself mentally I just gave it up and decided to make better decisions each day moving forward.

Sounds small, but it's a big deal for me.

I also noticed at my event last Thursday that I was more excited than nervous, a sure sign I need to get out a little more. I tend to be a recluse of Howard Hughsian proportions so in March I already have several things planned that will be nice little excursions with friends. You know, say yes and all that...

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Oh, there was one other thing that happened but I'm not sure if it falls under Goal 1 or 2, it's kind of both. At the beginning of February a very, VERY thin acquaintance of mine started complaining to me about how she had gained five pounds. I have never understood why skinny people think it is cool to complain to a fat person about how awful and horrible and disgusting their invisible weight gain is. To me it's like turning to a person who just lost their job and complaining about your lousy 5 percent pay raise and 4500K bonus.

In the past I used to get really annoyed with the "Oh my God, I am so fat, I gained half a pound!" stuff. In my world that's a sandwich. You want to talk to me about a serious weight issue, call me when you have 100 pounds to lose and we'll talk.

BUT I have finally learned that skinny people don't see it like that. I have a lot of very lovely, very skinny girlfriends and to them I guess gaining five pounds really is a horrible, terrifying thing. It's hard for me to listen to this and not think, "Wow, if you think five pounds is disgusting, why are you even speaking to me, who by your own standards is a freakshow?" But it's not always about me. (Amazing, I know.)

I'm starting to realize that just because a skinny person acts like five nascent pounds is the difference between happiness and despair doesn't mean she is looking at me and thinking I'm horrible and tragic for carrying way more than five wayward pounds. And if she is judging me harshly that is her problem. And everyone has their issues, all of us. So what if I can't deeply relate to someone's fear of five pounds? I'm sure my fears of standing in front of a big crowd at a bookstore and having to (gasp) sign books sounds pretty silly. Everybody's got their stuff.

I've been thinking about all this because I'm not sure I handled the friend with the five pounds that well. At first I said, "Oh you always look tiny and great, if you gained weight it definitely is not visible..." and then she started vehemently arguing with me to tell me just how fat she was. I kind of froze, I had no idea what to say to this obviously bone-skinny person who maybe weighs ninety pounds soaking wet who is going on and on and on and on and on about how fat she is. So I tried to change the subject. Probably not perfect, but I am flummoxed when skinny people try to tell me, a very large person, how fat they are. I don't want to be snippy. I don't want to make an issue out of it. But I don't want to participate in it. Do you just listen and nod? Are you supposed to agree with them? Isn't that weird?

Any ideas on the right way to handle this?

I was pleased that I didn't get irritable with her -- she is a lovely, decent person who probably had no idea how weird that was for me -- and I didn't make it into a big deal. It shouldn't be a big deal! But I think there was a better way for me to handle it, I just don't know what the better way is.

The reality is that this is Los Angeles and it's full of skinny women who talk about their nonexistent weight problems all the time. I don't get it, it makes no sense to me, but it is what it is. Skinny folks aren't going to stop complaining about how fat they are just like I will never stop complaining about how hot it is in the Valley all summer.

So since I can't change other people, I might as well change how I react to them. I'm open to ideas if you have them!

And hellooooooo March!

The best part was seeing old friends (I didn't take enough pictures, though!) like Denise:

And the next best part was at the end when it turned into an impromptu Stitch 'n Bitch meeting:

I am so incredibly grateful to everyone who's stuck with me and decided to Tivo the Olympics (or Idol!) and come out on a Thursday night. And I thank those who were there in spirit but in body were in a different time zone.

Speaking of Idol, what the heck? Tyler Grady gone and the five completely forgettable guys with the same hair get to stay? Is it because the audience is too young to remember the supercool Robert Plant rockstar stance? Totally mysterious.

Tonight it's supposed to start raining here so we're on STORMWATCH!!!! It's very exciting. Have a great weekend everyone!

And I am still asleep in the mornings, so I didn't think it through and I thought, maybe my redonkulous responses have been documented somewhere on the corporate intranet so she knows it's me? then I said, "Yes I am. Hello?" Then: maybe she works in my building and maybe I made a brochure for her once or something. We do so much work via email here that you often don't meet face-to-face.

"I don't work here, I'm a fan!" she said, "I have your book!" and I almost fell over! Because you know, I am at the Bank in my be-incognito-at-work attire and also, no coffee, and also, how cool is that!

She said she was just in town as a consultant so I invited her to our shindig tonight. I hope to see you there! I'll even be wearing mascara this time and will be awake to make real conversation, probably not about the Pentagon but one can never be too sure.

Barnes & Noble at The Grove
189 Grove Drive, Los Angeles, CA 90036
Thursday, February 25th, 2010
7:00 p.m. [ Map here ]

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p.s. Chris did a hilarious interview with the cats today. You can read it here! When do those cats get the time to give interviews???