June 30, 2009
Dublin!
Yes, that's the place. I didn't plan on going to Dublin, I actually had a flight booked in January to somewhere else and ended up having to cancel it at the last minute. So when I called the nice lady at the airlines to figure out what I could do with my unused ticket, maybe go somewhere in mid-June, I just left it up to the Gods Of Cheap Destinations. Take me where you will! The lowest priced destination available for that date was Dublin, so that is where the Gods sent me. And it seemed like a good spin of fate, Ireland is a country I've never visited and they speak the same language and I enjoy Lucky Charms. A lot.
So, I went there and it was lovely! I understand why so many people choose Ireland as a vacation destination (and I always forget how much simpler it is to travel where you speak the language) but I was surprised at how few actual Irish people I met in Dublin. I think I met three. Most everyone else who was working at the hotel or bar or restaurant wherever I went was Polish or Malaysian or Swiss, the room service guy was French, and even the tour guide for the open-air bus (just around the city center) was Polish. There was a recording in an Irish accent, though, for the tour portion. I guess the Polish fellow just drives the bus and takes the tickets. I've been practicing learning Polish for a while now (I have weird hobbies, people) so it was kind of fun -- although odd -- to be ordering wine in a bar or saying please and thank you in Polish while in Dublin, Ireland. But fun!
The first rule of thumb when going someplace new is try try as you might to book a hotel with a balcony:
My hotel overlooked St. Stephen's Green and that's the beginning of Grafton Street to the left. Grafton Street is a pedestrianized shopping area, it reminded me a lot of Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica, touristy and fun:
I loved the flower stalls set up everywhere:
And of course I did the tourist stuff, saw Trinity College, hit the highlights, all that stuff you can read about in Frommer's.
The required James Joyce mention.
My favorite way to get a quick overview of a new city is by playing cheesy tourist on one of those hop-on, hop-off bus tours. And that's where I met the Polish driver and also got a great view of the city, mostly to myself! The top of the double-decker tour bus has two rows of covered seats near the very front and the rest is open-air seating, and with the sporadic rain that day I was the only one up on the top of the bus. It was fine and dry under the small plexiglass covering in the front row, but no one else joined me upstairs which was fine by me! I had fun being the total tourist and taking pictures of anything and everything.
After that I hoofed it. Dublin itself is a really walkable city, you can get just about anywhere on foot and it felt much safer walking around by myself there than walking around alone in most parts of Los Angeles. Of course, as in any city I don't walk around with a hundred-dollar bill pinned to my butt while all alone at 4 a.m. in a dark alley, but normal precautions were more than enough to keep me safe in Dublin. I'm always surprised how much cautionary scary stuff you can read about traveling (internet forums: I am looking at you) but I've felt more scared for my life at the Wal-Mart in Panorama City than any of the overseas trips I've made alone. Just use your common sense, if you have any ... that's what my dad would say!
There's plenty of shopping, though I just went with a carry-on bag again, so I didn't do too much shopping. The city center is filled with a huge variety of places to eat and drink just about any time of the day or night. I'm discovering that sometimes the tricky part about traveling solo is eating meals alone, but Dublin was pretty easy. There are so many little bars that have good menus it just didn't pose a problem. Paris is like that, too, with all the street cafes you can just stop in anytime and get a little bite to eat and a glass of wine. I usually take a book with me or people-watch out the windows, but dinig alone is definitely easier for me in a more casual setting and Dublin had plenty to choose from.
Aside from taking the Dublin city hop-on-hop-off sightseeing bus, the other ridiculously touristy thing I did while I was on vacation was to book a day-long bus tour of the Irish countryside. This was new for me -- I have never once taken a bonafide guided bus tour. (I don't think the hop-on-hop-off buses count. Do they?) Usually I prefer to drive around a new place to get a feel for it (and I think if you can drive in Los Angeles you can drive anywhere) but there was the little matter of the stick shift being on the left and driving on the wrong side of the road while also trying to find my way around. Alone. Yeah. I voted on bus tour.
So for 25 euros I boarded a bus with a bunch of strangers (also a double-decker bus, but this time the whole top area is enclosed, too) and I wasn't sure how I felt about this whole thing -- being trapped in an enclosed space with strangers is my idea of hell -- but it went great! No one was weird or skeevy, the tour guide was actually Irish and he was very chatty and knowledgeable, and it was a great way to relax and see the countryside. We went down along the ocean, curving around the beach towns to the south and stopped at a beautiful place called Powercourt Castle. Everyone got plenty of time to walk around on their own and eat lunch and meander, then we all got back on the bus and drove back through the Wicklow Mountains.
Here's Dublin Bay:
Look closely ... people are SWIMMING in there! It can't be over 50 degrees in that water. You crazy Irish!
Pretty beachside park:
Gorgeous Powerscourt Castle:
The grounds:
Required Artsy Fartsy picture:
So that was fun and everything was very charming and pretty and since the tour guide was Irish, I met my first official Irish person. yay me. And I could keep posting pictures of that but I figure you can get most of the tourist highlights better in a guidebook than from me, to be honest. You see, I had a very specific view of Dublin in mind, a mission! Dah dah dumn!
My mission was yarn, plain and simple.
Irish knitting is legendary. Complicated cables, aran knits, hearty fisherman sweaters and delicate baby blankets. Irish knitting is known all over the world, even to people who have never picked up sticks and string. So I just assumed the whole city would be a playground for the yarn hungry.
Wow. I was kind of wrong about that.
I started my yarn crawl with what I had cobbled together on the internet, four shops in Dublin's city center, all within easy walking distance of my hotel. The first shop, Blarney's Woollen Mills on Nassau Street near Trinity College ended up being a bust. They had plenty of pretty knitted garments but no yarn or knitting supplies:
I was a little disappointed, but on the north side of the river Liffey right across the Ha'penny bridge is the other Woollen Mills store, and this one has yarn:
But not very much yarn:
That shelf of yarn you see in the picture is the whole selection for the entire shop, and it's a fairly large sized-shop. They have buttons and sewing doodads and a selection of hand-knitted goods:
The Woollen Mills is located just on the north side of the Ha'penny bridge, 41 Lower Ormond Quay, Dublin
But the yarn selection was very small and most of it was chain market stuff that I can get here at home. I was starting to get a little disappointed. But the next stop was not just a yarn shop, it was also a little education about Irish Yarn.
Meet This Is Knit:
This Is Knit is located on the First Floor of the Powerscourt Townhouse Centre, South William Street, Dublin 2
This cute little yarn shop spans across a walkway in the Powerscourt Townhouse shopping center. And one of the nice ladies inside -- my second real Irish person! -- explained to me that the wool on the sheep in Ireland is too coarse to be used in handknitting. She said that Irish wool is either exported for other uses (rugs, maybe) or some farmers just burn it in the fields because it's so worthless. I was astonished. Because ... you know... Irish knitting! I just assumed it came from Irish sheep. And the friendly lady in the shop showed me the brand of yarns in the store that are spun and dyed and created in Ireland (but made with imported wool). They're very pretty Aran tweed colors, and I bought some skeins to take home for friends. More importantly, I felt like I had just learned some kind of knitting secret, like unmasking Zorro or something.
I don't know if the wool situation also explains why there are so few yarn shops in Ireland's capital city. Or at least from what I could find. Is knitting not a big hobby in cold, blustery Ireland like it is here in the hellishly hot San Fernando Valley in California? Because we have a yarn shop every four miles. Not that I am complaining mind you. I am just curious.
So my last stop on the yarn crawl was Hickey's, located on Henry Street, which is more of a JoAnn's type fabric shop but on the basement floor they did have a corner with some yarn in the back:
(That guy in the doorway kept following me around the shop like I was about to steal something.)
That was my mission for the afternoon, seeing the city from yarn shop to yarn shop. It was a good day in Dublin, mostly because I didn't buy very much and my luggage was still able to close and make the trip home. I was just very surprised, I guess I'd imagined that Ireland would be full of yarn shops and knitters and crazy cool varieties of homegrown yarn. Shocker! Maybe I just didn't stumble on the underground knitting scene or something. Maybe it's different in the countryside? Maybe in Ireland people prefer scrapbooking or origami or cake decorating as their hobby of choice? I have no idea. You Irish folks out there have to let me know what you think. While I was wandering around looking for the first Woolen Mills place, I asked a lady in the shop down the street if I was on the right road (I was) and she asked me what I was looking for.
"A yarn shop," I told her.
"What for?" she asked.
"Well... for knitting."
She looked at me crossways for a second. "Are you a knitter, then? I thought only old grannies did any knitting!"
Hrmph. I didn't count her in my tally of real Irish people I met. She was from... probably somewhere else. Probably.
So, in conclusion, it was a brief trip but a great one. I would definitely return to Ireland except I think I might try renting a car (yikes) and getting out of the city and seeing more of the beautiful countryside. I'd like to see these alleged sheep who have fur made of nettles and iron or whatever.
Johnny's Irish cousin, I presume?
Posted by laurie at 05:42 PM
June 26, 2009
Let the madness in the music get to you, life ain't so bad at all if you live it off the wall
I do plan on getting around to blathering on and on about vacation but it's a little hard to ignore what's happening in the world, especially when Ventura Boulevard in Encino is a parking lot with Hayvenhurst closed down and people streaming up and down Hollywood Blvd. in sparkly gloves and carrying flowers.
I guess I have a selective rememory because when ever I think of Michael Jackson I think only of MJ in his early days. Still to this day "Off the Wall" is in my top ten albums of all time. When I was 12 I got this poster from a record shop in Lafayette, Louisiana and taped it carefully to the back of my bedroom door:
All my friends had moved into the cool Thriller posters by then, but even at age 12 I guess I was stuck in the past and wanted to hang onto my MJ in his fuzzy yellow sweater vest. MJ was the soundtrack of junior high and the 1980s and I never followed any of the news about him as he grew more eccentric. Who knows what fame like that can do to someone? I just loved MJ, singing "Don't stop 'til you get enough" and moonwalking and remember when he did his solo in "We Are The World" and Diana Ross held his hand the whole time and we all really thought we could save the world by going to Record Barn and getting the 45 for all our friends that year for Christmas?
I'm not planning to camp out at the Jackson family's house in Encino or anything, but I'm also not going to complain about the traffic, at least not too much. I'm just going to think of that fuzzy yellow sweater Michael and listen to Off the Wall and think to myself, yeah, you got to leave the nine-to-five up on a shelf, and just enjoy yourself. Life ain't so bad at all.
Posted by laurie at 10:13 AM
June 25, 2009
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
I've been off gallavanting, this time to a place I've never visited before. I actually got back a few days ago but brought some kind of bug with me, I blame all those hours cooped up on a plane with coughing maniacs. I have completely lost my voice, which people at work are calling "a godsend," a term that apparently means "oh we miss your sweet voice so much."
Anyway, I have no voice and no energy and no mascara on, but I do have a picture or three:
Tomorrow I'll tell you all about it. Oh, and there was yarn shopping, too!
Posted by laurie at 09:44 AM
June 12, 2009
Talking 'bout a revolution. But only after my tea or coffee.
June! I like it though, the days have been overcast in the mornings with our only real weather, June Gloom. So my garden is still alive even though I have been too busy to admire it each morning and too neglectful to water with any regularity.
The first three times I read this sticker on the car in front of me, I thought it said "Tweezers Suck" and I was surprised, because tweezers are so necessary and good. Then I realized my error. Also, could my windshield be any more dirty and crusty? For a place with no weather my car gets dirty with remarkable speed.
This morning on the bus a woman in the seat behind me talked on her phone dramatically and loudly during the entire commute. I had on my Queen Dorksalot over-the-ear noise-canceling headphones and I could still hear her really well. She was speaking in some other language, not English or Spanish, so I couldn't understand her which made it easier to ignore, it was just a long string of bleeshadosheevi, mokhuuucluuuveri noshee! with the occasional "OK" and "anyway" thrown in. But at least two men on the bus seemed to understand her, because they would turn in surprise from time to time and look back at her and frown. Other people did the shame-on-you move, which consists of a full turn in the seat, slowly, with a pointed look to determine who is talking on the phone, letting the offending person see them noticing their behavior. Then the offended party will turn around and repeat the move a few more times. It never works, by the way. The offending party just keeps on doing whatever it is you find offensive.
The commuter bus isn't like a local, it only stops a few times and then it gets on the freeway for a long stretch, and delivers its riders to a few stops on the other side of the city. It's usually full of working stiffs like me, and everyone is generally quiet but especially so in the mornings. One person talking loudly on a bus full of quiet strangers is so much more annoying than seventeen people all talking to each other on the bus. I wasn't personally outraged, especially since I couldn't make out many words and I just turned my ipod up louder. But I was amazed that anyone could be so enthusiastic about talking that early in the morning. I don't think I have ever had a whole conversation with anyone at seven in the morning.
Yesterday a coworker found me at the kitchen sink in the galley, I had just gotten to work and I was washing out my coffee mug. I hadn't had tea and I don't think I had spoken to another living soul since waking. I was still in the space between sleeping and functional. And my coworker started asking me all sorts of work-related questions about a project she's working on and I stared at her blankly and watched her mouth move and then I said, "Tea."
So it's hard for me to imagine myself chatting with vigor and speed on my cellphone so early in the morning. I guess I could do it if I had stayed up the night before, but then it wouldn't be morning, it would be more day.
The talking woman exited on my same bus stop. Right as our stop neared she hung up and got off the bus and then as soon as she was on the sidewalk she opened up her cell, dialed, and started talking again. I don't know how she determined that it was OK to talk for the whole bus ride, and OK to talk while walking along the sidewalk but she had to hang up to get off the bus. Funny.
Posted by laurie at 08:57 AM
June 05, 2009
Friday
Los Angeles is in shock, we're not used to rain in June. People keep asking each other in bewilderment, "What's happening? Why? Why?"
We're so cute, with our shock and awe that water comes from the sky anytime after February. (My garden will be happier than I was, it didn't have to commute downtown in the rain.)
Today I had my new favorite breakfast. Thick, creamy nonfat Greek yogurt with a pile of fresh blueberries. And tea, to offset the rain and unseasonable chill (sixty degrees! In June! What have we done to anger the sun gods?)
Have a great weekend!
Posted by laurie at 11:03 AM
May 27, 2009
One day, one day ... one day
Right around this time last year I made my big declaration to buy nothing nonessential for the rest of 2008. I had all different reasons for this ... I wanted to get a hold on my consumeritis, which had crept back in since paying off my gargantuan debt, and I wanted to have less stuff to worry about and clean and I wanted to have more free time and more money. (You can read all about that here and here.)
A lot of folks were freaked out by my declaration ("What exactly counts as a non-essential?" "What about going to the movies?" "Why would you do something like that?") and some people were intrigued, and some folks placed bets on how long I'd last. But I didn't do it for other people (who lost those bets by the way!) I did it for myself and my own gratification. I revised my goal a few times, deciding books counted as essentials since I prefer to buy books and support the author, and gifts for others were definitely essentials. As for the real non-essential stuff, I had a few detours. I bought a bathing suit in December for my vacation, and I bought three sweaters and two pair of boots. That was the sum total of my non-essential spending from May to January, which isn't too bad in my opinion.
Of course somewhere around late September 2008, the markets went ass over teakettle and by the end of last fall a lot of folks started their own version of no-spend, either out of fear or necessity or dire circumstances. I felt really bad for the people who were thrust into budgeting that way, Lord knows I have been there and it's one thing to make a voluntary decision to dial down the spending -- it's another matter altogether to do it because there won't be food on the table if you don't. There's a stress that goes along with it, knowing you're rubbing two pennies together hoping to get a nickel. Having been at the bottom of that very dark hole myself, I felt it for others.
The one good thing I hope comes from all this is that people get the chance to see how truly little of their self-worth is wrapped up in purses or shoes or cars or even houses. At least that's what slowly changed for me the past four or five years. It's the reason I didn't care about not buying new, shiny stuff during my recent no-shop. For so long in my late 20s and early 30s I tried hard to keep up this appearance of someone who was "doing well" (whatever that means!) and all of it was a lie: the perfect condo, the perfect marriage, the perfect life. It was a sham. It wasn't delightful to move out alone and look at all my stuff, which I could no longer afford to house, and look at my bills that I had accumulated from all that junk. I was scared, and worried, and alone, and broke. But eventually (and out of necessity) it became very clear how little I needed to be happy. Healthy cats, a little yarn, a roof over my head, some Kettle Bakes, a bottle of two-buck-chuck.
Sure I like nice things, pretty things, tasty things. I love books and cute T-shirts and shoes, oh the shoes. And I'll forgo all that for a plane ticket to anywhere. But I think it's a balance, liking things just because, and not pretending they give you superpowers, or make you better, or nicer or funnier. Or happier. There's this story about a family who gets so excited buying a TV, and they think it's the greatest thing ever. Once they have a TV they'll be happy! And they are for a while, they watch the TV and dust it, and put it in a prime spot in the living room. But before long they're not happy with their TV because it's just a small television set and they want a bigger set, so they decide to buy one and think, "This is what will make us happy. We just needed a bigger TV set." And it does make them happy! Until they see how great those flat-screen plasma TVs look, and before long they are unhappy with their current big old TV set and need the newer, better, bigger flat-screen model. And then, then, they're really be happy this time.
I think about that story constantly. Even though I've found some peace and balance in my relationship with buying stuff, I'm still partially living my life on layaway. Dreams in storage. It's the idea that when I weigh X amount, or when I have X amount of money in the bank, or when I have a bestseller, or I figure out where I want to move, when I can buy a house, when I know more... then, then I'll really start living. Then I'll be happy.
It's all wrapped up, isn't it? I used to buy things because shopping was an activity and an idea that maybe this thing, this object, these jeans will make me happy, satisfied, confident, complete. And even though I finally figured out I couldn't purchase my happiness and contentment in a store I still even to this day put my happiness on a pinpoint -- sometime in the future, when I do this or know that or achieve this, I will be happy.
That's the real work for me. Finding contentment today, in the place where I am right now. Putting away the credit cards and budgeting and living within my means was a good step, no doubt about it, but I'm still walking through each day with one foot in the future, always waiting to live until I get there. And there never comes. I don't even know where there is! I think I've been hoping I'd recognize it when I find it.
It's in my nature to be restless and dreamy, always thinking of the future, imagining myself in a different life down to the shoes I'm wearing in that imaginary future. I think it's why I used to move around so much, always looking for something new. These days I have to resist the urge to make things happen just so I feel I'm closer to there. What I really need to do is be here, really BE here. That's where I am after all.
It sure is hard to break that life-on-layaway habit.
Posted by laurie at 09:01 AM
May 22, 2009
Friday! The end of the 405 will come, soon.
The email I've gotten recently has been fascinating. It's like a litmus test in reverse, via email. Or maybe Rorschach blots... each person sees something different, based on how their brain works and what's going on in their lives.
With me, all Rorschach blots look like soft beds where you can sleep a full six hours. I'm busy, and a little sleep-deprived so snoozing sounds great. All week I've been taking a class down by the airport which entails driving two hours each way. That's four hours of sitting on the freeway (in my car, not on the bus), with seven hours in between of filling the brain with code. During class breaks I try to catch up on emails for both my job and my other job. At home, I try to remember to feed everyone and scoop the box and wear something clean and maybe if there's time water the plants. I have a manuscript rewrite that's past due and at the bottom of the pile of to-do's there's this website which gets the dregs of my 6 a.m. one or two paragraph blurts.
A diary like this one is a lot like a photo album. Or, more accurately, it's like a stranger's photo album, and you turn the pages and see a picture here, a smile there, a cake with a candle, a vacation shot, a self-portrait.
And the person who is flipping through the pages looking at some stranger's life fills in the in-between parts with their own ideas, maybe draws some conclusions. But you don't see a snapshot of every minute of every day (and who would want to? this is why I still haven't wrapped my mind around twitter) so it's easy to make assumptions or create a storyline. Except those assumptions are yours and have nothing to do with the person in the photo album. The storyline you create based on a few snapshots probably won't look much like the real movie.
I don't know why that fascinates me but it does! Myself, I love to people watch and I'll make up stories for the people who walk by, I like to "guess" their occupation, their hometown, their secret dreams. It's just for fun.
So this busy, busy week I decided to write little paragraphs here and there instead of leaving the page blank -- little snapshots -- and I've gotten the strangest and funniest email. People wondering if I was going through a terrible emotional break up (no, I'm fine), folks wondering if I was changing jobs (not that I'm aware of), and people letting me know there are support groups for both my spider and earthquake fears (thanks, I'm OK). It's always illuminating to see how something you think is tiny and unremarkable sparks something wholly unexpected in someone else.
Oh, and this has nothing to do with anything but I drank so much peppermint tea yesterday in class that at the end of the day my pee was minty fresh. Wee!
Posted by laurie at 09:06 AM
May 21, 2009
Maybe it comes with some Cracker Jack
I wish I had a decoder ring for my life. It would help me figure out which way to turn next, and what would make me happy, and how to handle yucky situations and who's telling the truth. It might also predict the weather, although that isn't a requirement. It would be a sure-fire bullshit detector and would warn me of impending tragedy.
My special Life Decoder Ring would never lead me astray. It would let me know when I'm making a bad decision (or a good one) and would magically alert me when I've reached my fat consumption for the day. It would be like a psychic palm pilot in an emerald cut, 24-karat gold setting.
If you stumble upon one, please let me know.
Posted by laurie at 06:23 AM
May 14, 2009
Thursday?
I've been sick and even typing makes my head hurt. But I'm not above snapping a picture in the parking lot at Dr. Feelgood's office...
Posted by laurie at 10:27 AM
May 06, 2009
If Only Life Were A Musical
Now that I am all the way across the building, Corey and I can no longer chitchat freely so occasionally we have to use the corporate closed-channel IM, which is moderately creepy because someone somewhere in the building sits and reads all the IMs to be sure we're not being humorous or having any fun. It's the corporate version of domestic wiretapping. Luckily, we're two fairly tame renegades, and neither one of us has much time for instant messaging.
But a few days ago we were messaging back and forth about an Excel spreadsheet problem (scintillating!) and that was when I discovered Corey is someone who completely gets my "If life were a musical..." train of thought! I just think life would be better if it were a musical, with ordinary people in ordinary situations suddenly breaking into song and dance:
[ imagine a few boring lines about spreadsheets]
[ not going to repeat them here]
[ too mind-numbingly dull]
corey:
I think someone should do a skit that is just IM text. It's OK to read, but can you imagine if we talked like this?
laurie:
OMG great idea
laurie:
we should make it a musical
corey:
The musical of lost conversation threads
corey:
That's a job for Stephen Sondheim
laurie:
I wish real life were a musical
like at the book fair we would have all broken into song
and yesterday we would be like the factory scene from Carmen
corey:
Several folks did start singing at the book fair once the Ella started playing
corey:
Have you seen that YouTube of the Antwerp train station?
So she sent me the video below, which of course was blocked at work but I went home at watched it and about peed my pants with glee. (Glee! The new pee!) It made me so happy I squealed like a little child and must have watched it eleventeen times:
Oh, if only life were a musical! Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start!
Posted by laurie at 08:22 AM
May 05, 2009
Cinco de Mayonnaise
I can't believe it's already May. It's practically summer. I'm not ready for summer! Make it stop!
Not as funny as if you could read the stickers yourself ...
Posted by laurie at 09:06 AM
April 23, 2009
Can you smell that smell?
I love the smell of a list in the morning!
TeeVee
I watch Jeopardy. I don't Tivo it, but I try to be home by 7 p.m. so I can see it, I usually make it a few nights a week. I play along with the TV, saying the answers out loud, like I am competing. And when I know the answer and none of the contestants do, I say the answer LOUDER as if that will help. I also get irrationally attached to people on Jeopardy, for example I'll be rooting for one person to win and then I'll feel real, actual disappointment if they bet a lot on a daily double and lose the game, or if they lose in Final Jeopardy. I feel bad for them. Probably because I am loose in the brainial area.
Carry on my wayward son
The gardeners and I are in a fight. I'm not sure they know it yet, but we are, and they will know it for sure on Saturday. Last weekend they left me a nasty note on the timer mechanism for the sprinklers along the lines of "If you turn off the automatic timer again we'll report you to the landlord nah nah nah." So I called my landlord and told him I don't want mean notes from the gardeners and we are in a DROUGHT and the city has a list of ordinances (like you cannot serve people water in a restaurant unless they ask, I mean really) and if you break the water law you could be fined and if you exceed tier 1 usage your bill will cost more and WHO WILL PAY IT? The mean gardeners have the timer set to run six days a week for 45 minutes. PEOPLE. That is EXCESSIVE. So I turn off the timer and run the sprinklers manually because I don't want an $800 water bill. WILL THE MEAN GARDENERS PAY IT?
So I typed up a letter to the gardeners along those lines and attached the entire city ordinance with appropriate areas highlighted and tagged with post-it flags. Basically it says they either change the timer or they can pay my water bill. I am sure their love will grow exponentially for me.
And I can't believe I am going to say this, but I miss Francisco. I miss his strangely pruned shrubbery and bizarrely hacked trees. We used to have a beer, hang out, sometimes he wouldn't come for weeks and that was fine. The new gardeners lecture me and scold me and tell me not to walk on my own grass. They're so strict. Such grassophiles. And now we're in a fight.
The Ghetto Garden
Which brings me to this year's gardening efforts, which I plan to call The 2009 Ghetto Garden. It's my attempt to combine my countryass love of gardening with my need to annoy the gardeners. Thanks to the many readers who sent me this article about Lasagna Gardening, [no idea why the link only works half the time -- you may have to go to that site and search for it] I got the idea to use my old cardboard boxes from the storage shed out back to make walkways between my gardening piles and that will mean NO GRASS and the gardeners will probably have their little heads pop off as soon as they see it. I don't have the winter ahead (obviously) to make a real lasagna garden like in the article, but I'm going to use some of the techniques there since I can't till the soil (landlord's request -- and I have to stay on someone's good side.) On Saturday I plan to be up at the buttcrack of dawn running all my gardening errands. My budget for this masterpiece is $100, and I need soil and mulch and seedlings and other stuff. The gardeners come on Saturday so I'll be out shopping for the Ghetto Garden supplies when they find my awesome Water Wars note attached to the sprinklers, and then just as they are recovering from that they'll arrive next week to find a cardboard jungle.
This makes me so happy and I can't express why. Probably because I am evil, and should be destroyed.
No rest for the wicked
Of course I also have to work this weekend, which is going to cut into my gardening time. I don't know why I can't just drink wine and garden and read books for a living.
Reading is my cardio
I'm on this big Michael Crichton kick right now. It started right about two weeks ago in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep and needed to read something that would take my mind off the thoughts that were keeping me awake. You know how you can worry about something and think about it so much that the thoughts start thinking you? That's where I was. So I picked up an old Michael Crichton favorite, Timeline
I like Crichton because he writes this insane dialogue, where an expert character will explain to a lesser, dumber character all the exposition -- not just little details, but HUGE tumbling blocks of exposition. It's his way of combining character development and technical exposition at the same time, and I think very few writers really pull that off and keep a story moving. I thought State of Fear was a little too heavy in the oratory but I never get bored with his books, I always want to know how it all ends.
Winter
The weather changed back, so the 100-degree spell ended and now it's nice and chilly and foggy out, like winter. You know, 65 degrees. Almost cold enough for a wool scarf.
Moving
Even though my office move is really boring and not dramatically far away, it's still weird. Moving is not my favorite thing to do. I forget sometimes how much I am a creature of habit, liking things to be steady and constant and yet nothing ever is. Everything changes. Things end, new things begin, nothing really ever stays the same. Sometimes that feels exhilarating because when life is crappy you can count on it to eventually change, which is hopeful. But sometimes it's disconcerting too, because you have to move along with the flow and nothing can be relied upon to stay the same forever.
Posted by laurie at 07:06 AM
April 22, 2009
It's your earthday, it's your earthday, go shorty... it's your earthday...
Oh, the tens of people who will laugh at the headline. How I love thee, let me count the ways.
On this Earth Day I am cleaning out my office because on Friday I am moving to another office in some other area of the building. It's the farthest my boss can move me away from him without putting me in the parking garage with a red stapler. O Banking, you are vast and mysterious. I started the real cleaning out of file drawers and dusty cabinets a few days ago and yesterday got through two entire filing cabinets and this was the state of the sitting spot when I left yesterday:
I thought maybe overnight it would morph and change and the folders would breed with the binder clips all Transformers-style and by morning I would have an assistant made totally from office supplies.
No such luck.
It's still there.
The mountain of file folders and remnant notebooks and reference books is all that remains of the seven years I have worked here. Yesterday I dumped and recycled all the memos and presentations and documents that used to collect dust inside those file folders so that one day they will be your post-consumer particulate in toilet paper and kleenex.
I also cleaned out the little cabinet by my desk where I store (read: hoard) office supplies and discovered 32 semi-used post-it note pads. THIRTY-TWO. My entire life has been borne on the back of the post-it-note. It's my Borne Identity. hahaha. Cracked myself up. I also had a newspaper from 2002 (?) and at the bottom of the drawer I found two pictures of me and Mr. X from a vacation we took to Denmark and Poland. It was actually funny, and I showed them to Corey and Cindi and then I put them in the recycle bin, too.
This kind of cleaning feels GREAT. I thought it would be stressful, especially because I have a lot of work to do this week and the office seemed like a mammoth endeavor but it's been really liberating to take a break, maybe an hour a day, and just focus entirely on getting rid of stuff. By the end of today I should be finished with the major purging and I'll only have a fraction of the stuff left to pack up in boxes.
It's amazing how much less often I print stuff out these days -- going through my old files it's clear I used to print everything. The whole industry was paper-heavy, relying on documents printed out and stored in binders. The biggest change I can see is how everyone has slowly started to rely on saving and storing stuff electronically instead of on the printed page. It's the little changes that add up over time. Getting rid of stuff always feels like an accomplishment of greatness ... not necessarily because it's a noble cause in itself, but because your relationship with your stuff can define your whole life. It can drag you down, it can anchor you, it can make you feel secure, or it can just be a nagging to-do list item.
The biggest change in my relationship with stuff is that I definitely do not acquire things at the rate I used to. Learning to discern wants from needs was a good first step. Then there's the money aspect -- you have more money when you spend less of it. Finding a way to get rid of things has also been a challenge -- first you have to learn how to just let go of stuff, emotionally, and then you have to find ways of getting rid of your stuff that make sense. Like recycling old papers, and donating usable things (or going with the ol' yard sale technique.) My collection of post-it-note pads tells me I'm still not free of my little packrat ways but I am at least happy when I see my file cabinet purged and the old file folders recycled in the supply cabinet.
So I'm not exactly out there playing warrior of the environment today, but cleaning and recycling all this old stuff feels really good which must be good for the environment in a very roundabout way. After all, happy people don't flip you off as often in traffic and that makes the world a better place. Yes? Maybe I will even share my post-its with those less fortunate, like the guy down the hall who is always looking for something to write on. Or maybe I will just keep them all for myself. Baby steps!
Posted by laurie at 07:22 AM
April 13, 2009
There's plenty of room at the bottom
Driving in to work today I noticed there was a larger than usual population of Sunday drivers on the road. That's the non-cussword name I've given to the people who never drive in rush hour traffic except on the rare occasion they're driving to or from some holiday getaway. They don't know that the lane on the far left is the faster lane, or that the lane next to it is the still-not-slow lane. During periods when the traffic breaks they poke along 25 miles slower than anyone else and then exactly two feet before their exit they remember they want to get off on Hollywood or Sunset and they try to get across five lanes of traffic by becoming virtually stationary in the roadway waiting for an opening to pass through. People honk and show them the California State Bird.
One guy was doing such a bad job of driving this morning that I tried to take a picture of him. But my camera wouldn't work. For just a moment I had a flash of hope and excitement -- maybe my camera had died and I could now freely purchase a new one that takes better pictures! Sadly, it dawned on me that my camera battery was just dead, and if I charged the beast it would again turn on and take its predictably blurry pictures.
I love what happens when I tell people I hate my camera. They ask what kind it is (a Kodak) and then say they're surprised (I have always used Kodak cameras, they have the best skin tones in my opinion) and then they ask what the problem is. I bought this little point-and-shoot off the innernet just before my trip to Rome. It has 12 (!) megapixels and it's small and compact and very simple. I like point-and-shoot cameras, as I prefer to take really impromptu pictures of things like bumper stickers and stupid signs and guys picking their noses in traffic and I don't need a digital SLR camera with manual focus and RAW output for the type of high art I'm into.
But this camera is a lemon. No matter which setting you select or whether or not you use image stabilization or whether the planets are aligned or if you prayed twice to the camera gods and spun in a circle counter-clockwise, this camera takes blurry pictures. The only way to increase the odds of a non-blurry picture is to use the tripod and the timer in daylight or in daylight with flash. Which defeats the purpose of both the point-and-shoot functionality and the nice Kodak skin tones, all annihilated by the gigantorflash. And even with every precaution, the mere rotation of the earth is enough jiggle to make the image blurry.
So when I tell people it won't take clear pictures they all have the same exact reaction: Have you tried so-and-so? Have you tried digital image stabilization? Have you tried using different settings? Have you tried standing still? Have you tried eating nothing but eggshells and walnut husks and then taking a picture?
Because it is impossible for anyone to believe the camera is just a lemon. Obviously, it must be user error.
So about two months after I got the camera and had experimented with every setting and pronounced it a lemon, the guy I was seeing at the time took the camera out of my hand and said, "Let me take a look at that!" Because Lord knows he could fix it. He would find the magic button that I, crazy picture-taking woman, could not find. After four hours he handed it back to me and said, "Maybe it's broken?"
I thought this was a very funny story and so I told this story to a friend of mine at work who is in the computer whatsit division. He said, "You must not have the settings on accurately." I gave him the camera and told him to keep it as long as he wanted. Computer whatsit guys tend to be able to magically fix things and I was hopeful. Honestly, I don't have any ego wrapped up in fixing things -- I tend to break things with great vigor, but if there truly was some user error going on, I was happy to know about it and fix it (the camera, by the way, was not returnable.)
But a week later he gave me the camera back. "Maybe it's a lemon," he said. "I think I got one picture out of twenty that wasn't shaky."
And so I still have the lemoncamera, every day wishing I had my little old brick of a camera back with it's tiny 3.0 megapixels of sweet Kodak clarity. Eventually I will buy a new camera, maybe for my birthday. I do manage to fix most of my blurred-out pictures in photoshop anyway, it's just such a hassle.
All of this camera talk reminded me of something that happened a few weeks ago at Target. Because people are so seriously sure that they can do it right -- no matter what the issue -- and you're a dumbass. I find this incredibly amusing.
So there I was at Target standing in line, checking out. It was quite early in the morning, maybe a little before 9 a.m. and the store was still fairly quiet. The woman and guy in line behind me seemed to be in an awful hurry, well, at least the woman half of the couple was. She was doing that L.A. linecrushing thing, you know where someone impatiently hovers so close to you that you can actually smell their coffee breath breathing down the back of your neck. I will never understand people who do that. It really doesn't make the line move faster. If anything it just makes me do things like randomly flip my hair so they get a mouthful of my split ends.
So I was checking out and I swiped my card through the electronic keypad/cardreader. This particular Target has the touchscreen keypads, the little LCD screens that show you the pin keypad in images and you use the stylus to push on the screen. The cardreader recognized my card but the LCD screen wasn't recognizing the stylus. I tried my thumb and no luck. I used to develop graphic content for touchscreens at work and the technology can be sensitive and buggy and sometimes no matter what it won't read the touch.
"I don't think the touchscreen is working today," I said to the checkout clerk. She shrugged, "Yeah, sometimes it just doesn't want to cooperate."
So just as I was about to hand my card to the checkout gal to run it manually, the woman behind me in line grabbed the stylus out of my hand and started punching away at the keypad. You can imagine it was getting a little crowded there at the keypad so I took a gentle step to the side, as the woman in line behind me -- a complete stranger -- tried to FIX the situation, since I was clearly doing it wrong and was clearly a stupid idiot. The checkout lady just stared. I am sure she sees some crazyass things all day, but even she was a little shocked. She looked at me. I shrugged.
After furiously stabbing at the screen with the stylus, the strange woman with coffee-breath said in disgust, "This thing is broken!"
She wasn't embarrassed, or even slightly humiliated that she had pushed another customer out of the way and grabbed the reins. She just stood there, tapping her foot impatiently. The guy with her tried to silently disappear into the candy rack. At least he was embarrassed for her. I mean really now.
I paid, signing the receipt the old-fashioned way, with an ink pen.
People are funny, ya'll. They are just too damn funny. I would have taken a picture of the whole thing but it would have come out blurry.
Posted by laurie at 07:58 AM
April 10, 2009
Friday List
The only ones that seem to stick are lists.
1) Pirates!!!
When we first started hearing news stories of Somali pirates taking over big freighters I was astonished and then kind of ... confused. Did they shoot cannons at the big ships? Make people walk the plank? Who wore the flouncy shirts and hats? Where was the peg-leg and the parrot? When pirates attacked an American ship earlier in the week I was astonished at the real details... apparently the pirates come aboard the huge gigantor-ship from just a little skiff, using hooks and ladders (hooks!) and take over with their AK-47s. According to a recent AP story, there is even a "pirate stronghold" in Somalia. This is so anachronistic! So crazy! And apparently even with all the smart bombs and unmanned drones and technology that can see through your clothes and read the tag on your panties, we still seem to be unable to break up a ring of pirates on skiffs.
All of this is simply to point out yet one more reason I will not go on a boat.
2) My fault again.
As I've pointed out in the past, every year I seem to decide to watch one or two new TV shows and they always without fail are the TV shows that get canceled two weeks later. There was Women's Murder Club, and New Amsterdam, and of course the dearly departed Life on Mars (it was a all a dream? are you f'ing kidding me?), and anyway. I Tivo'd "The Unusuals" on Wednesday night but I'm afraid to watch it or it will canceled today.
3) Speaking of TV!
For those of us with insomnia, Tivo is the best invention ever thanks to the combination of bizarre keyword searches and all-night availability of saved shows. So when I had a long sleepless night ahead of me last night, I watched the cheese de resistance of TV -- High School Reunion. And I was so perplexed. How could Jessica accuse Maricela of being a prostitute and Maricela just ... stood there? In a white bikini? Why didn't she cut off Jessica's head and eat it? Unless... is it true? Which was never addressed directly! She never came right out and said, "That is a bald-faced lie you crazy wacko!" Maricela just said, "I know who I am and I know my character." Which is not the response I would have gone with personally (see: cannibalism.) And then I remembered that great scene in Shirley Valentine where Shirley meets up with her old classmate who is glamorous and beautiful and successful and later she tells Shirley she's a hooker. Good times. Then it was time for me to take a shower and come to work.
TV is my friend. But it is so confusing.
4) Spam
I'm surprised that all this time later, since the innernets were invented and the email machine was invented that spam has been an ongoing part of this entire cycle and no one has done anything about it. Since the invention of the electronic mail there has been the electronic junk mail. And no one can seem to stop it! This is just as crazy to me as the pirates. We have Google earth and devices that can record phone calls in space and we have machines that clip our nose hairs for pete's sake. And yet I still get email every single day that says, "Want to have a bigger penis?" and "Learn how to make her sizzle!" (I assume that last one isn't about cooking humans. But maybe it is, who knows. Cannibals!) Pirates and spam seem to be the two things we cannot thwart in life.
5) How green is your garden?
This weekend I'm going to do a little gardening out in the ol' back 40. I want to plant mainly herbs this year, but I did really well with the pumpkins last year so maybe I'll try that again, too. The main concern is our water shortage which could mean very limited sprinkler time for the yard. I don't want to get fined for sneaking out back and running the hose over the pumpkin patch at midnight. We may not be able to catch and punish the spammers of the world or the pirates of the wild seas but you know the water police would be at my doorstep in a heartbeat if I so much as turned the hosepipe to the left during water rationing.
- - -
Have a nice weekend and a happy Easter!
Posted by laurie at 08:58 AM
April 03, 2009
The happy holy car smog place. It's in the Valley.
A few weeks ago I had to take my Jeep to get smog checked. This is California's way of trying to make people who drive "classic" cars such as 1995 Jeep Wranglers sweat in anxiety of buying new catalytic converters.
Anyway, this smog check is required every two years for you to get your plates renewed. The year I was dumped by Mr. X I failed. A lot. And cried and then the guy at the smog check station was placed in the unenviable position of having to comfort a bawling hysterical divorcing woman with car problems and a fear of failure. It was nice as you can imagine.
The next time I got a smog check alert, I realized I had grown a lot as a person and all, but I was not stupid enough to go back to the place where I had cried like a little red-faced baby so I went to a new place where a very short, very old Asian man with a cowboy hat hugged me. Or perhaps I hugged him. Anyway, I passed.
[Also, seriously, how freaking long have I been wring this website? Seventeen years?]
This time I decided to go back to the good-luck cowboy hat place, but it had changed a bit into the "Jesus is Lord Car Smog Place." I tell you this because there were framed pictures of Jesus, multiple pictures, there were praying hand statues, there were Bible verses neatly printed out and placed inside plastic sleeves and tacked on every possible surface. There was also a TV that had been installed in a hole cut into the counter and it was hooked up to a VCR that showed different parts of the Bible in a loop.
And that is where I met the son of Mr. Cowboy Hat, who was happy to see me and my red Jeep and he told me that Pham, his dad, had retired and handed the business over to him and would I like a free Bible?
And I happily accepted the free Bible and I pulled out my knitting and waited patiently under a portrait of Jesus for my car to be smogged. And this all seemed right to me because in my experience car issues and prayer go hand in hand. "Dear God, please let my car pass smog so I don't have to spend a million dollars fixing a vehicle that is only worth $2,000." And, "Dear God, please don't let that expensive-sounding noise be more than my rent." And also, "Thank you God for the new radiator. Again. I MEAN REALLY NOW."
Anyway, it was a good day. I passed.
Thank you, God.
Posted by laurie at 08:05 AM
April 02, 2009
Thursday list plus preface.
I finally broke down and looked at the email machine. I had no idea anyone was still reading, so thank you for the nice notes about me going insane. I most appreciate the reader who pointed out that insanity is proof my brain isn't turning to oatmeal. There is nothing like an eternal optimist!
So! As it turns out I am writing this book, which I have been given a few more days to work on before I have to hand it in. I am someone who can yammer on with no verbs and many comma splices for hours and hours and yet halfway through this I'm all, "Wow. 65,000 is a whole lot of words. That is a very large number of words. If I double space this will there be more words?"
And I have decided I am the most boring subject matter ever and yet I plod onward. Actually the very best part of writing this thing is realizing that all the stuff that made me cry and want to move away and change my name and also my whole wardrobe is kind of funny in a "Wow, I am glad that wasn't me" kind of way, aside from the fact that it was me. But to you it won't be personal, and therefore maybe helpfully funny in the cautionary tale sort of way. Also, I am not a plotline, sadly. I think after this one, it will be nice to stop telling my personal funny stories and just make up stories for a fictional character -- Raurie perhaps -- who is still searching for enlightenment but doing it in a pair of size six jeans and she is taller and has a cadre of crime-busting friends who hunt criminals and tie them to trees with i-cord and poke them with Addi turbo knitting needles.
OH MY GOD SOMEONE COPYRIGHT THAT, NOW.
So here is the plan. I am going to finish this plotless thing and turn it in and then one day I will even tell you the name of it and then I'm going to sigh, sleep, lose the 15 (23) (26) pounds I have gained from eating funyuns as a method of procrastination, then I am going to pray someone likes said plotless wonder. Prayer helps. Then after I have slept and made real food and done some much needed laundry and maybe even called some of the people I have been ignoring for two months, then, THEN I am going to finally fix this stupid website and make it have a different design and the database will work and by God there may even be a comment place again. I'm not sure how long that will take, because 65,000 words is a whole lot of words and there is this thing called "editing" and it takes a while, what with the commas and all.
But it's good. I realize I am naturally skilled at bemoaning but mostly it's the good kind of bemoaning, where you're exactly in the place you need to be to get to where you're going, with the occasional traffic snarls and detours and funyuns.
Today's list:
1) Pay rent that was due two days ago.
2) Write 10,000 words.
3) Wine.
4) Clean catbox.
Posted by laurie at 08:27 AM
April 01, 2009
Wednesday list
1) I'm just going to start writing everything in list format. Perhaps one day I will write a fiction novel entirely in list format. It will be something scintillating like:
• The detective noticed a small packed suitcase sitting beside the front door.
• "Planning on taking a trip?" he asked
• "Always," she said.
I don't know why there is a detective or a packed bag or a mystery woman with one-line answers, but it sounded like an excellent bulleted way to begin. Just imagine the sex scenes in neatly numbered, perfectly indented lists!
2) Yesterday I walked around my house for twelve minutes with a post-it note stuck to my foot. When I realized it and made motions to rectify the matter, I discovered it was a note reminding me about my parents' dog's birthday. Which was last week, in case you were wondering and hoping to send a card.
3) There is a tumbleweed beneath the kitchen table that now has grown so large it has a gravitational pull and has attracted a stray hair elastic, a cat toy and a receipt from In-n-Out.
4) In full procrastination mode, I have knitted six sets of handwarmers and watched every single episode of CSI: New York on my computer using Netflix, which I fully and completely now understand, embrace and reverse my earlier refusal to adopt. I am not a person who cannot admit when they are wrong.
5) Furthermore, I have watched so much CSI that when I discovered a dead beetle on the back patio I wondered if it should be autopsied for toxic levels of radon and/or traces of a victim nearby and/or as a witness to a crime.
6) I had another one of those dreams where I'm going along in my life and a giant wave washes over me. Not unlike my recurring tidal wave dreams of yore, these dreams feature me in some normal daily life scenario on or near the water and all the sudden a huge wave rears up and slaps us all upside the head. In this one I was on a bus and we were on a bridge driving along all normal like (over the ocean?) and a huge rogue wave rises up and drenches the bus, and then I woke up.
7) I decided to drive into work today.
8) All I ate yesterday was funyuns.
Posted by laurie at 10:13 AM
March 29, 2009
Top ten nonsense. The part that is funny is that I have not gone missing, just merely insane.
1. I have to produce a manuscript from my nether regions in two days. I am not sleeping. Not because I am writing but because I am praying for earthquakes.
2. Which seems to be working. There was a "swarm" of earthquakes around the Salton Sea last week and just this weekend a whole 'nother swarm near Chino Hills but Lord if you are listening what I need is The Big One, circa now, circa the Encino-adjacent region, no injuries, just massive disruption in manuscript-sending email abilities. Thanks. Love the orange blossoms ... good job on spring.
3. Also is there something wrong in your life when you are praying for a MOTHERFREAKING EARTHQUAKE?
4. Don't answer that.
5. I saw Julie Newmar -- the original Catwoman -- on Saturday and I was like, "Do I know her? Is she my old neighbor from when I lived in Studio City that time?" People, there is something wrong with my celebrometer. Anytime I see someone famous I forget I live in L.A. where famous people grow, and I just think, "Do I know that girl? Did we go to high school together?" which is exactly how I found myself asking Sandra Bullock if we used to work at Disney together one night in a bookstore in Studio City wherein Dweezil Zappa came and rescued her from me, crazy lady, and I was suitably embarrassed. And also, hey, that was Dweezil Zappa!
6. Writing books is a stupid idea. Who does that anyway? Random people just go on amazon.com and pretend to be authorities in litterture and leave their comments about said book with no concern at all to how long that person wrote the book or loved the book or tried REALLY REALLY hard not to suck and because of that now I am hesitant to even say if I slightly do not love a movie because it might get back to the person who wrote it and they will hide under their covers with their cat eating peanut butter from a spoon for a week. NOT LIKE I KNOW OR ANYTHING.
7. I just want to be someone else. Is that so wrong? Like I wanted to be cute little perky Sabrina Bryan when she was on Dancing With The Stars and in luuurve with Mark Ballas and doing cha cha. Or Lindsey Monroe from CSI New York. But I once heard this crazyass theory that if you took a group of people and tossed all their problems out into the open on a hillside and let each person in the group see each other's problems, then you told each person to go out and pick from all the exposed mountain of problems ... each person would run to grab their own bag of crap. Is that true? Are the perfect ones hiding a mountain of problems I would never want to carry around? I do not want to believe this. I do not want your US Weekly tabloid revelations! I want to believe there are people out there living perfect lives!
8. I tried to meditate again. It went like this:
"Ok, I am going to focus on my breathing, in and out. Just sit quietly and breathe. In. Out. Good! In, out. Oh. My leg itches. Is it OK to scratch during meditation? I am breathing. In. Out. And breathing. In and out. And itching. GOT TO SCRATCH. OK! just scratch and get it over with then you can meditate. (scratch scratch scratch yum) In. Out. Breathe. I am meditating! Breathe. Focus on in and out. Exhale. OH MY GOD I FORGOT TO CALL THE DENTIST AND CANCEL. SHIT. Are they going to charge me? Because that stupid ticket for turning right on red which is TOTALLY FREAKING LEGAL was over four hundred dollars and I doubt the cats want to eat ramen noodles all month! MEDITATING SUCKS!!!!!!"
"Breathe in, breathe out...."
9. How is it that when people tell you, "You should be happy that...blah blahblah..." you just start lawyering up and arguing for the insanity defense? It's funny. When someone tells you HOW you should be or feel, it has this weird inversely opposite effect where you start really defending your unhappiness. Why is it so easy for other people to tell you how to be? Is this why monks go off alone in search of solitude?
Makes you wonder.
And finally, a top ten list with ten items!!!!
10. Last week my dad called and said he was converting an airstream trailer into a tamale truck and I said, "Dad! You should get someone to make you a big airstreamy metal sombrero and then you could weld it to the top of the tamale truck!" and my dad was all, "Yes, but we should weld it on top slightly askew, like a sombrero askance..." and in that moment I realized I may never win a Pulitzer but I at least come from a family who all prefer their sombreros welded askance. Or askew. Whichever.
And somehow that was a very comforting thing.
Posted by laurie at 10:31 PM
March 23, 2009
Which one of these things does not belong in a kitchen?
She is either:
A) Communing with her higher power
B) Establishing her reign as our overlord
or
C) Pretending to be a cookie jar.
Cats are very strange creatures.
Posted by laurie at 09:20 AM
March 16, 2009
Beware the ides of March!
Technically, I guess the Ides of March occurred yesterday but as I am a freewheeling sort of superstitious, I think it can coincide nicely with Friday the 13th through March 16th, a Monday.
I don't usually go a whole week with nothing to say unless I am off gallivanting around and I assure you there was no gallivanting going on with me last week, just work work work.
Not my vehicle, but apropos.
And I've been trying this new thing where if you haven't got anything nice (happy, funny, ridiculous, etc.) to say, don't say anything at all, and last week was definitely a shut yo mouth! kind of week. But that is the past, and this is the Ideas Belated.
So this is funny:
That is a guy I saw in traffic this morning ... he was driving a city Transit Security vehicle and texting while driving, which is illegal in California. I feel very safe. Luckily, taking pictures of transit authorities driving while texting isn't illegal. Yet! I love taking pictures of people in traffic, it's one of my greatest little indulgences. That and online Scrabble. And wine. And cats:
Have you ever seen anything cuter in your whole life? You're lying if you say yes. I just woke up and there they were, Bob sleeping on the other pillow and Frankie in a little ball next to him.
Stop it, you're messing up my hair!
Posted by laurie at 07:20 AM
March 06, 2009
More mail: my brain, your brain, travel and Boggle.
Thank you to all the people who emailed me to assure me you also have weird vague half-memories and that my poor oatmeal brain can stop rotting if I do crosswords. Even if you're just saying it to be nice, I still appreciate it.
Jane M. wrote: I choose not to think that the gray matter is dying. I choose that, since I've lived a long and interesting (giggle, giggle, tee, who am I kidding)life, I have too much stuff to remember. So, I have to let some of it go. Gone are the names of important people in my life, brother, sister, cat, etc. Instead, I shall remember the theme song to Dark Shadows. You're probably too young to remember that soap opera but it was the Twilight series of my day. Gone are the memories of where I'm supposed to be for a meeting today. I shall remember the names of everyone's pet instead of their owners. Sheesh! The brain is a weird animal!
Now that just cracked me up. I personally can remember every word of every 80s song, the names and killer lines of every character in every John Hughes movie from 1983-1989 and I have an encyclopedic memory for commercial jingles.
Of course last week I gave someone the wrong phone number because I couldn't remember my ACTUAL, CORRECT home phone number but whatever.
Ksenija wrote: Hi Laurie! I'm around your age, too, and I tell you what has really had me questioning all my memories lately is signing up for Facebook and having all those people from my past find me...and, um, I didn't realize I went through high school in such a fog, but I just can't remember very many of them. But they remember me? Yikes!
Well that is exactly why I will not sign up for Facebook! Ha! And I can't imagine boring people with twitters ... "I walked into a room and forgot why." "Pondered my cuticle for almost fourteen minutes just now." "Finally broke down and called myself to get my own phone number." Honestly.
Actually, I have an even worse confession about high school memories. Last year my friend Chris (who I graduated high school with) reminded me of "that funny time we were on the bus for a school field trip and Brad said something foul to you and you reached back and slapped him. On the bus! In front of Mr. Chamberlain!" Chris just laughed and laughed. He said some folks from our graduating class get together on a regular basis and often laugh about that hee-larious incident.
And ya'll I could not even remember that event. Seriously. This little piece of historical hijinks which was being retold by my former classmates on a regular basis rang NO BELLS with me. I had apparently pulled a Scarlett O'Hara on a boy in my class right there on the bus on a field trip and yet I had no recollection at all of this momentous event.
HOWEVER, I can remember every word of every song to New Edition's Heart Break album, the first album released without Bobby Brown, featuring such hits as "Crucial" and "If It Isn't Love."
Yeah, I know. So many kinds of wrong.
- - -
Most of the email I've been getting is travel-related. I am so happy to know there are others out there who also get excited talking about travel and dreaming about travel and fantasizing about where to go next. I keep watching fares drop lower and lower (Roundtrip from LAX to Moscow on American Airlines for under $700!!) and I mentally weigh the cost of traveling against my free-floating economic anxiety multiplied by the square root of how much I have to pay in taxes divided by whether or not I think the world ends in 2012. It's hard to say where the math ends up.
Mary S. writes: Next time you get asked about "beginner" destinations for people who haven't traveled before -- in addition to England, Canada, Australia, etc, may I suggest Scandanavia? Norway's required basic proficiency in English to graduate from high school since WWII, and Denmark requires either English or German. I've had the luck to visit both -- didn't get to spend any time in the capital of either, but I'll attest to the friendliness of people in the smaller cities. Aalesund, Norway, and Aalborg, Denmark. Loved them.
Keep up the good work,
Mary
Mary, thanks for the reminder! And you are so right -- I LOVED every place I've visited in Scandinavia and it was safe, easy to get around and exceptionally beautiful. I've been to Sweden twice on accident (that long story is buried in this column somewhere) and taken long driving trips through both Norway and Denmark. Skagen, Denmark and Bergen, Norway are two of my favorite places ever. I want to go to Finland soon, it's actually on my Top Five List of Places I want To See Very Soon. That list includes: Ireland, Finland, Chile, Poland (again) and Estonia.
Oh -- Iceland is also one of the best destinations EVER for vacation. And now that their currency is devalued it's half the price it used to be. I recommend going in late June, the weather is perfect but it's not so crowded with tourists yet. And rent a car and drive! It's the most gorgeous countryside I have ever been to in my life.
Janet H. writes: Hi, can you still take knitting needles on planes as airlines are so strict about what can be taken as hand luggage? I'm not a good flyer and knitting would take my mind off the 30,000 ft below me! I enjoy reading your blog. Janet
Hi Janet! A lot of people emailed to ask this same question! According to the TSA website (and all the flights I have taken) it is totally OK to bring knitting needles on a plane, although from personal experience I would only bring wood or plastic knitting needles. Circular needles are good, too, and I usually travel with a small project (in other words, I have never tried to get through security with size 19 gigantor wooden needles.)
You can read the TSA's special page on knitting needles here. Usually I bring wooden/bamboo needles in size 10 or smaller and keep them with my project in a ziploc bag. In the bag I also travel with a very small pair of Hello Kitty scissors (about two inches long all total) with blunt ends, they're useless for any real precision cutting but I can saw through yarn just fine. I have had no problems with them in security. Your mileage may vary.
One word of advice: Don't bring along your best, most expensive needles, even if they are wood. I always travel with a basic pair of $7 clover needles, because if I get turned away at security -- which has not yet happened -- I figure I won't cry over $7. I'm not going to haul around a pre-stamped envelope and I don't check a bag much anymore, so I just hope for the best. It's worked out so far.
Knitting en route to somewhere!
Shelia W. writes: How do you get those knitting needles on the plane, especially if you have a carry-on? I've wanted to bring my needlepoint with me but I figured they'd confiscate my needle/scissors.
Shelia, I looked at the TSA's special page for Transporting Knitting Needles & Needlepoint and here's what it says specifically about needlepoint:
Most of the items needed to pursue a Needlepoint project are permitted in your carry-on baggage or checked baggage with the exception of circular thread cutters or any cutter with a blade contained inside. These items cannot be taken through a security checkpoint. They must go in your checked baggage.
Hope that helps! The TSA has a whole area on their website just for travelers preparing for a trip if you have other questions. And you can call your airlines directly if you have a specific issue, sometimes they have more details. By the way, if you are flying out of an overseas airport you need to check the airport's website to see what they do and do not allow through security (Heathrow especially) because their rules for carryon allowances and prohibited items may be different.
The TSA's list of prohibited items is here for your reference.
- - -
RoseAnna wrote: I've loved hearing about your travels. I love traveling, though strangely enough I hate flying--its very stressful for me. But once I get where I am going I love visiting new places. Reading your travel descriptions always makes me want to visit the places that you write about (I would love to visit Madrid, for example).But I was concerned when you said that you left your passport in your hotel in a safe. You've probably been alright in the countries you've visited, as you've always picked safe, stable places to go, but I know when I was in Mexico my host family freaked out that I had left my passport at home--and I was just going out to
eat with my host family, who knew who I was and what I was doing in Mexico. They told me I should never, ever leave home without my passport because it was the only proof of who I was.To be fair, this was toward the end of the zapatista rebellion and the Mexican government was cracking down on suspected insurgents and kicking out a lot of foreigners on the grounds of suspected involvement--but I wasn't in the states where the zapatistas were, and I was just a student, taking classes for the semester at the local university, so it didn't occur to me that I might need it on me to prove my American citizenship etc.
But in a lot of countries, that American citizenship is an important protection, so it's a good idea to have your passport with you at all times. What I was told to do was to photocopy my passport, particularly the page with all your personal information, so that if your passport was lost or stolen you had that to show the embassy to facilitate getting it replaced. And if you have a travel visa for that country, do the same thing with that--photo copy the original and put the photocopy in a safe place, and keep the original with your passport.
Also, I carried my passport in one of those money-belts that go under your clothes so that it was less likely to be lost or stolen.
Anyway, safe travels! May you have many more enjoyable trips and knitting adventures :)
Hi RoseAnna! Thanks for the email.
The passport thing and the moneybelt thing are topics that come up time and time again on travel forums. I think a lot of this depends on the traveler, the place being visited and even the time of year.
When I went to Rome last winter, I was so scared after reading guidebooks and travel forums warning of pickpockets and "roaming gangs of thieving children" that even I got paranoid! But when I got there I realized Rome in February was no more dangerous or risky than Los Angeles at any time of year and I mellowed out. I didn't walk around with a hundred dollar bill to my butt yelling "Victim!" but I wasn't overly paranoid either.
I'm careful by nature because I've lived in this crazyass city for so long. When traveling, I do in any major city as I do in Los Angeles: I carry a purse and keep my hand on it. I travel with a little wallet in an inner zippered pocket and in the wallet I just have my two travel credit cards, a little walking around cash for the day, my list of important numbers and contacts and a photocopy of my passport. This works for me because the one thing I do NOT want to lose is my passport. Last year I FINALLY (!!!) got a decent passport picture that makes me look only semi-portly and I am not letting go of it as it is a vast improvement over my previous picture. Besides, losing a passport is a time-consuming adventure I do not want to experience. To get on the plane and go home you have to be holding that passport!
I know a lot of people disagree with me and my methods of traveling but I just do what works for me. I could never see myself fumbling under my clothes or digging around in a neck belt for money and I personally would be paranoid knowing all that stuff was on my body. To other folks, that's the only way they feel safe traveling. I think people should do whatever makes them feel safest.
And for me, that starts with picking a safe destination to visit all alone. The places I go alone are generally not in the midst of a Zapatista uprising, and in my experience a simple photocopy of the passport will do for walking around art museums and drinking wine at a cafe at lunchtime in most of Western Europe. You do need a passport in some countries for making large purchases on your credit card (which I don't do, being budgety and all) and you need it on your person if you get arrested which I generally try to avoid.
I think it's partly a personal decision and partly a risk-based assessment. I don't travel alone to risky places because safety is always my #1 concern so I am not often in a place where Federalis are stopping and asking for ID. In fact I have never been stopped and asked for my passport anywhere even on my most adventurous travels (lost in Eastern Europe ten years ago, for example.)
So it comes down to personal risk assessment and choice. In my opinion, it's riskier for me to carry around my official government passport all day (in and out of restaurants, museums, metro cars, public restrooms, buses) than it is to carry a photocopy and leave the real document in the room safe or locked in my luggage in a locked hotel room. Your decision will vary based on who you are, where you travel, where you're staying and when you go. Other people may have different thoughts and will do what works for them. Traveling alone presents its own unique challenges and I think each person eventually strikes a balance of common sense and precaution that works for them.
When I'm relating my travel stories they're just my personal experiences, I know everyone has a different way of doing it and all I can speak to is my own experience.
By the way, I also find flying stressful! Knitting helps. I'm usually OK during the flight itself but take-off and landing makes me jittery.
Ruth C. writes: Hi, I have been reading about your travels and I just wanted to give you a warning about hotel safes. The hotel always has a way to get into the safe--they have to in case some dodo forgets the combo they set. I have been told to NEVER use them. Instead, I bought a neck travel pouch and keep extra money and my passport hidden close to my body, under my clothes at all times. Yes, it can get hot in warm climates and my passport looks a little worn. Probably should put it in a small plastic baggy . . . but, I know it's safe. If you set up the strap so it goes through one arm, the strap can be pinned or looped around your bra strap, the bag hangs at your side and is virtually undetectable. Just an idea.I have been told that depending upon the political climate of the US at the time and the country you are traveling in, a US passport can be a valuable item on the black market and are the subject of theft. That was years ago, but I don't doubt it today either.
Ruth
Hi Ruth! Apparently the hotel safe/passport topic struck a nerve with folks as I got a fair amount of email about it. My trip to Madrid was the first time I've used the hotel safe, and it was AWESOME. It was a pretty new-looking safe with great instructions on how to use it and set your own pin number and everything.
Here's a picture:
And a close-up of the safe:
I loved it. I used it every day for my laptop, ipod and passport. I had no problems at all and found it convenient and easy to use. Usually I just carry a combo lock with me and lock my stuff in my luggage for the day. That is definitely just as easy to walk off with as the safe key from the front desk or whatever but my philosophy is you do what you can to mitigate risk and then you let go. And I am just not interested in carrying all my valuables on my person in a moneybelt or some necklace thingy. To me that seems way riskier that a hotel safe in a well-reviewed four star hotel -- but that's just me. Other folks wholeheartedly disagree, and they should do what feels best to them.
The way I see it, there's always risk. There's risk in walking across the street in your own neighborhood. Nothing I travel with is irreplaceable or rare or even that sentimental. I mean I would hate to lose my beloved ipod, but it happened once (right here on the bus in good ol' Los Angeles) and I survived. I don't get on the bus every day worrying about losing my ipod, though, or my wallet. If I did that I would drive myself insane.
Everyone has to base their decisions on how they feel about the location, the hotel, the staff, the quality of the establishment, the reviews you've read about the hotel (trust me if someone experienced a theft in their room safe the Trip Advisor forums would alert you to it) and your gut instinct. You also have to consider where you're traveling, the political and social climate and the risk.
I guess I had to make a choice at some point in traveling to either worry prohibitively about theft and fear pickpockets and thieves and miscreants ... or to just take normal precautions and make smart choices and then let go and enjoy the trip, wherever that may take me. After all, I doubt many people living in Paris or Madrid or Rome or Prague or Stockholm walk around all day long in the city wearing their passport and all their money in a pouch under their clothes. I know we don't do that here in Los Angeles. (That begs the question... do people from other countries come to Los Angeles and wear their passports and all their money in hidden pouches? That seems really unsafe to me. But maybe to someone else it's a good idea.)
So as always it comes down to what works for the individual. What works for me may not work for everyone. Also, keep in mind that I'm not out roaming the jungles of South America alone with my backpack and valuables. I was staying in a major Western European capital city in a hotel with heated towel racks and room service and a nicer TV than what I have in my own house. You know?
I'm definitely not a travel expert and I don't talk about my travels for instructional guidance ... I'm just sharing my little personal adventures and taking pictures of exit signs:
- - -
A few knitting questions, too:
Robin asks: HELP! I'm behind on making a birthday present. I want to make a felted bag. Will 100% acrylic yarn work? Or must I use wool? THANK YOU!!!!
Robin, I hate to be the bearer of misfelted news (heh) but you can't felt 100% acrylic yarn. You can't even felt all wool yarns -- superwash wool will not felt, and some wool that is extremely bleached out doesn't felt well, either (take it from someone who tried to felt a white wool bag 12 times.) But on the upside there are tons of yarns out there at your local yarn shop and craft store made especially for felting. The Patons line of feltable wool yarn is GREAT and I've heard good things about Lion Brand's wool yarn, too. Noro is lovely and felts (eventually) and my favorite of all is Patons SWS (Soy Wool Stripes) yarn which is a felting maniac.
- - -
I love your handwarmers (great colors!) and I'm totally going to make some for myself. I hate seaming, though, so I had an idea. Why not knit them in the round? When you get to the thumb just start knitting back and forth, then re-join into a round after the thumb and continue until you're done. I think that would work, don't you? -Alison
Hi Alison! I've heard from many folks who warm their hands by knitting in the round and making lovely tubes and I think it is a great idea. For my first handwarmer project I just wanted to make a pattern so simple that any beginner could do it and sometimes folks get skeered off with knitting in the round, especially for a small piece requiring the DPNoD (Double-Pointed Needles of Death.)
I have had a few folks email me links to patterns with thumbs but the handwarmer I wanted to make needed to be easy easy so any beginner could do it and ALSO made out of my brain (sad and degenerating as it is) so I'm not infringing upon anyone if I want to print it or give it away. Sad to say I have yet to take the time out to pick up my stitches and make a thumb though I hope to get to it this weekend. I'll write that portion up to in a hand+thumb warmer combo pattern when I manage to make a thumb worthy of writing home about.
- - -
So, yesterday Corey and I played Boggle
That's rice and beans in the middle there that I brought for lunch. It's cheap and nutritious and perfect for bringing to work (it's filling, too). I cook the rice and the beans separate and then when everything is cooked I line up my little lunch containers and fill them up with a scoop and a half of rice topped with a couple of scoops of beans. I can easily make five lunches (and sometimes two extra to freeze) in one afternoon.
I used organic brown basmati rice, though I think plain old organic brown rice would hold up better. Basmati seems a little soft and mushy even though I cooked it according to the package instructions (2 cups of rice to four cups of liquid -- I used chicken broth) and then simmer for 50 minutes.
For the beans, I used two cans of organic black beans simmered with half of a finely diced yellow onion and about four small cloves of garlic run through a garlic press. Just let it simmer until the garlic is mild and the onion is soft. I also added hot sauce to the beans for kick.
Usually I use dried beans which are cheaper and I think they taste better, but canned was all I had in the pantry last Sunday and they cooked up just fine. I figured up the cost once -- making a big mess of rice and beans comes out to about 50 cents per meal, and that's using all-organic ingredients. I can eat rice and beans all week without getting tired of it, it's just such a comforting meal, but I usually make more than I need for lunches and freeze a few servings for future lunches. I try to do this with everything I make -- eat half and freeze half, so that I have variety in the freezer and I can have chili one day or soup the next. So far my two favorite recipes of all time (and they freeze GREAT) are chicken and white bean chili -- delicious!! -- and kale and chickpea stew. The secret to the stew is you have to use a great spicy sausage because it gives most of the flavor to the dish. I use a spicy Italian-style sausage from Whole Foods that has some kick to it and it's the best stew ever.
This weekend I want to find some new recipe to make. I've discovered that if I spend a few hours on Sunday grocery shopping, preparing a meal for my lunches and getting all my snacks and stuff together for the week I tend to have a better, more productive and easy week. And I eat better.
It's a process, anyway. I guess I'll just keep trying and trying again to get healthy until I get it right.
- - -
Finally....
She can read my mind ... even when I can't!
Posted by laurie at 07:51 AM
February 26, 2009
The email machine is currently working and other news.
This is the brief two-minute window of time where I actually have access to my email and the server hasn't crashed. Miracle of miracles!
Nancy from Ohio writes: Do you get scared traveling by yourself? What about pickpockets and safety of traveling by yourself?
Hi Nancy!
Well, definitely the most important concern when you're a woman traveling alone is your personal safety. That's why I've picked all relatively safe destinations to visit by myself (Western Europe, places in the states) and I haven't ventured out into more adventurous locations ... yet!
Once you've picked a destination with reasonable expectations of personal safety, the key is to not freak out and get get paranoid but just take normal precautions. I figure I live in Los Angeles and work downtown and I would never walk around lost and tipsy here at night, or leave my handbag draped over the back of a chair or anywhere unattended, I wouldn't wear a backpack on the metro escalator or carry my valuables through skid row. So why would I do that abroad? (Also I think most places I've visited overseas are way safer in general than Los Angeles!) When I'm traveling, I carry a purse and look at maps and I'm a tourist but I take precautions just like I would in L.A. I keep my handbag zipped up tight, my passport stays in the room safe (or you can lock it in your luggage back at the hotel) and I stay aware of my surroundings.
It's a little bit of a leap of faith, no matter where you go. It also gets MUCH easier to believe this once you actually go on a trip. It's the fear and anxiety beforehand that get you! Once you're there you'll see it's not nearly as scary as you imagined.
Holy Cow! I'm traveling alone!
- - -
Margaret J. wrote:Hi Laurie! I've really enjoyed your last couple of posts
about Madrid. And phooey to the people who ask if/how you can afford to travel. First of all, it's none of their business and didn't their mamas teach them manners? Secondly, from what I've seen, 2009 is THE year to travel. There are LOTS of great deals out there, because even places like Vegas are having a hard time luring the tourists. So keep up the adventuring and thanks for sharing with us!
Dear Margaret, thanks for the note!
I agree-- this is the year to travel cheap! You know how some people go online obsessively for facebook or fantasy football or stalking? I am like that with travel websites. I have all my favorites bookmarked and I read travel news like it's going out of style and I watch airfares like some people watch ebay.
This year is full of crazy deals. This is the best time since Bird Flu to get a cheap ticket to a far-away destination. My favorite sites are CheapTickets.com, Kayak.com (check out their "buzz" feature to see flights in your price range to any region of the world) and for hotels I love LateRooms.com. I am the master of the cheap airfare ... my flight to Madrid was $558 roundtrip (including taxes and fees.) And my hotel was a great last minute deal from Orbitz.com. If you're flexible on your destination you can go just about anywhere on the cheap right now. By the way -- American just announced a big European fare sale, too. It's good for travel through May (usually cheap European fares dry up by the end of March.) You do have to purchase by March but that gives you plenty of time to plan a trip.
And the dollar is holding its own against the Euro for the first time in forever. I found all my meals and drinks to be really on par in Madrid with what I would pay here in Los Angeles, if not a little cheaper. And I always go to the grocery store wherever I am to stock up on water, wine, snacks and stuff so I can have a picnic now and then instead of full restaurant meals. Oh -- always look for a hotel that includes breakfast in the price. My hotel in Madrid had a GREAT buffet breakfast included in the room price. The buffet was stocked with juice, coffee, yogurt, fruit, cereal, breads and pastries and freshly cooked sausages, bacon, eggs and Spanish tortilla de patatas which was incredible. They served until 11 a.m. so for me it was breakfast and lunch.
- - -
Marcy S. emailed to say: I admire your willingness to travel abroad alone. You've inspired me. I've never been afraid to do things alone. I eat in restaurants, go to festivals, even travel by myself, but for some reason, I never thought of traveling abroad by myself. So, after reading about your trips to France, Italy, and now Spain, I've decided to start saving up for a trip to England. I will then go to France next (since I have an undergrad degree in French, I should manage pretty well with the language).
Dear Marcy-- thank you! The main reason I write about traveling and post pictures is because I figure if a big sissy such as myself can up and travel alone to a foreign country, anyone on earth can do it. And I can't believe I wasted so much time thinking you had to travel with someone! What I didn't realize is that I am a great travel partner ... I laugh at my own jokes and appreciate dorky signs and don't mind when I hog the bathroom.
The best part about traveling alone is the total immersion in whatever you want to do. You can sleep as late as you want or wake as early as you want. You're never waiting on someone else, you can stare at a Goya painting for half an hour if you want, you can eat anytime and any place you choose. I've discovered that when left to my own devices I will spend five hours in a museum every single day. I never had the luxury of doing that before -- anyone I've ever traveled with has been ready to go after about an hour. Now I can spend as many hours in a museum as I want without worrying that I am ruining my partner's vacation.
I've also started taking more super-short trips because I don't mind the airplane rides and I think it combats the loneliness factor. After about five days in a place with a foreign language I start to get lonely. I spent a week last year in Paris and I think it was about two days too long. Four days seems to be the magic number for me, but your mileage may vary!
Oh, and when I am traveling alone no one makes fun of me for stopping to take pictures of little signs done up in cross-stitch:
- - -
Angie writes:Ok, please elaborate (quickly, I am leaving for FLA in 1 week) on these packing cubes, I don't understand how packing into something for the sake of organizing helps cut down on your luggage. My DD8 and I are planning to travel for a week on 1 carry-on and our purses. I've got the mix/match going, but the cubes, I don't get?
Hi Angie!
The cubes help me because it's easy to see at a glance what will or won't fit -- the cubes are space limited. Second, the cubes keep everything organized. And finally, and most importantly, they keep your stuff enclosed so that when TSA is digging through your bag you don't have them touching your panties and socks and it all fits back together like luggage tetris.
Before I bought the cubes I used ziploc bags, but the cubes are re-useable and more durable. You don't NEED them -- I mean it is absolutely possible to pack without them -- but they seem to make my packing much easier. I also use a 17" carryon bag, which is smaller than average, so every inch of space needs to stay organized.
Have fun in Florida! Take sunscreen!
I use this set of three cubes
- - - -
Beth writes:Hey Laurie, I was wondering what brand of luggage you use. My husband and I are planning a trip overseas next year, and would love any advice you have to offer, as we've never been. Thanks!
Hi Beth!
The only advice I have with luggage is to buy something lightweight and durable. Lightweight is key because the airlines are charging you an arm, a leg, and a torso for every bag over the weight limit. And durable goes without saying.
A few years back I bought some cheapo luggage at Ross and it lasted me exactly two plane trips. So I went to a regular department store with a sale coupon and bought my one little Samsonite carryon two years ago. It has been the most durable piece of luggage ever! I have hauled it through the airports of the world and it's still working like a charm. I think for something like luggage (which you plan to keep for a long time) it's not a bad idea to invest in good pieces. But right now sales are everywhere, so I would keep an eye on your Macy's ads and even online places like eBags, which often offers free shipping. Just remember -- lightweight! That's the key!
The little carryon I have is kind of similar to this one from Samsonite
Have fun on your trip!
- - -
Amanda writes:OK, how does one work up the guts to travel alone? I spent a semester in Italy in college, but it was as part of a group, and since then I haven't even been brave enough to go out of state by myself - even though I enjoy traveling. I guess it doesn't help that I *did* meet one of those Italian pickpockets... Is it just one
of those things you have to just DO without thinking about it too much beforehand?
Well, I'm sorry you had a pickpocketing experience, and I can see how that could dampen your desire to travel alone. Or ... I guess you could consider yourself officially pre-disastered, since the statistical chance of you being targeted twice is very low. Right?
I think it comes down to desire and decision -- how much you want to travel abroad combined with the decision to just do it. And then you just do it. For folks with a lot of fear and anxiety, I would start someplace that you can speak the language (so if you speak only English, I would suggest the U.K., Ireland, Australia, New Zealand or Canada.) Then set yourself a budget and start looking for a plane ticket. And buy it.
I don't recommend buying a ticket for a trip months and months and months away because that gives you way too much time to worry and get anxious. Buy a ticket for a trip just a month or two away. Then get a guidebook, read about some good areas of town to stay in and pick a hotel. Then just go. Go and have fun. You've already been pickpocketed once so it doesn't have to happen again. You can figure out where things went wrong and change it up (for example, if it was a backpack, consider a purse with a zipper and inside zippered pockets and hold it under your arm. If it was a pocket, don't keep anything in your pockets. That kind of thing.) I don't think one poor experience should deter you from seeing the world if you really want to see it. In fact, you might even consider yourself lucky because you got the one bad experience out of the way already and now you can travel without problems!
And of course, some people have no interest in traveling at all and there is 100% NOTHING wrong with that. I myself would not go on a cruise for a million bucks in cash ... I am just not a boat person. But I know people who love nothing more than a relaxing cruise. Each to their own!
- - -
And finally...
Pamela T. asks:Can you go for days without checking email or going online? How do you stay in touch with people when you're gone alone?
Sadly, I am one of the humans not yet retrofitted for technology and I can go for long stretches of time without even remembering the computer exists at all. But in an effort to not incur the exasperation of my coworkers, my family and my editor, I do try to pay attention and answer emails a few times a week. (Usually.) My email has been held together by gum and rubber bands for about two years and the server upgrade a few months ago wiped out all of my folders and filters and now it is back to being rubber bands, gum and now the occasional paper clip. One day I hope to be free of email altogether, but I fear I am the only one who feels this way.
I do stay in touch with my family and my house sitter while I'm gone. And I do it all with the world's cutest laptop. About a year and a half ago I bought the ASUS Eee PC
I use this little guy all the time when I'm traveling for staying in touch (I call my friends and family using Skype) and most hotels where I've stayed offer wifi either free or for a small fee per day. I bring along a little foldable headset with a microphone and when I call my dad from some far-flung country, it sounds like he's in the next room. And Skype calls cost just pennies (and they're free computer-to-computer.) This little laptop fits inside my handbag and weighs less than two pounds. And when I was in Madrid I used it to watch the entire first season of 30 Rock
(Knitting and watching shows in the hotel ... jet lag never had it so good.)
Actually that picture doesn't illustrate how TINY this thing is. Here's another shot while skyping with Drew, the little laptop is with my coffee mug for scale:
I honestly could not believe you could purchase something like this for $299 -- and that it would WORK -- but it's a great little machine and it's been working like a charm for almost two years now. The keyboard is a bit cramped and takes some getting used to, but it's fine for traveling and it's super durable. It also has a built-in webcam and great speaker sound. I don't work for this computer company or anything, I just like sharing a cool product when I find one. The newer versions of the Asus eeePC are on sale at Target, too, I've seen both the black and the pearl white models on display.
- - -
Ok, enough yammering on for one day. Time to go fill that coffee mug!
Posted by laurie at 07:40 AM
February 24, 2009
Mas Madrid...
This is the line to get into the Prado. Muy largo!
The Prado Museum is amazing. They have a fantastic collection. But no museums let you take photos inside anymore, even with flash off. Bummer.
On the street, I noticed this sex shop featuring American movies, and in the green lettering just above the word "American" in says "Californosa!" Nice. Our major export... porn.
Heh. The antique gay pharmacy! Yes, I am five.
I love to grocery shop in other countries.
Bimbo bread!
The best kind of museum: The Museum of HAM!
I spent several afternoons in the Plaza Santa Ana, it was sunny and lovely and one day this band showed up and started playing Zydeco music. Seriously.
I spent a day at the Reina Sofia, they have an amazing collection but the layout is a little like viewing art in Alcatraz. The coffee shop was lovely, though. A cafe con leche for one euro twenty.
I saw one of these in London, too, but the Madrid Church of Scientology was HUGE. I thought that was just an L.A. thing?
The Puerta Del Sol in the daytime.
Cute window display with a knitted cactus and a knitted cake. Actually, it might be crochet. Anyway, it was cute.
- - -
One of my coworkers stopped me in the hallway the day before I left for vacation.
"Where are you off to this time?" she asked.
"Madrid," I said.
"How in the world do you afford all this?" she asked, in a voice that implied I was about to embark on a three-month voyage to the moon.
"Well," I said, "I don't buy stuff. I don't buy anything really unless I need it, and so now I spend money I used to spend buying junk on traveling. I don't buy magazines or DVDs or placemats or trinkets or earrings. I drive a fourteen year old car. So my priorities are just different, I guess."
"Oh," she said. "That makes sense!"
This month I noticed more than a few raised eyebrows from people who had thoughts of their own about my travel plans, especially in light of the doom and gloom news we hear every day about the world spiraling into a dire dust bowl of despair. The news has affected me, too, even though I try not to let it leak in... more than once I reconsidered taking this little vacation. Was it wise? How much would it cost me to cancel the flight? Should I be spending anything at all? But I had budgeted for it, and it seemed silly not to go on a few days of vacation because of free-floating anxiety.
I guess I got used to living well within (and below) my means way before the economy tanked and I do realize I am very fortunate -- fortunate to have learned how to budget, fortunate be employed and fortunate to have the choice of saving or spending the way I best see fit. And I'm grateful for all of that.
But mostly I am grateful I finally learned how to make good financial decisions. I chose not to buy a house I could ill-afford even when everyone I knew was telling me I was a fool for renting and that I could qualify for a zero-down loan. (By the way, no one gives me that piece of unsolicited advice anymore.) I chose to drive the same old car instead of buying something new and locking myself into monthly payments. I chose to stop spending money on superfluous stuff a year ago so I could focus on experiences, not decorations.
However, I have to admit that the constant dour news about the economy makes me feel a little guilty, guilty for living my life when I know so many people are struggling to make ends meet. It's weird, feeling guilty for something that's not yours to control. I wonder where that comes from? Is there such a thing as economic survivor's guilt?
I didn't mind answering my coworker's question. A few years ago I would have been sensitive about it, or felt bad for what someone else saw as extravagance. But it's not like I'm having octuplets on welfare checks or giving my cats million-dollar bonuses on the taxpayer dime. I work hard and manage my money very, very carefully. And I believe that finding the money to do anything -- including travel -- is sometimes just a shift of perception and priorities. For example, the average American car payment ranges between $380 and $460 per month. I drive a car that is paid-off (read: practically antique) and I take care of it and use mass transit whenever possible to help my Jeep live as long as it can. Now, assuming I would have a car payment of $400 if I bought a new car, each vacation I take is roughly the equivalent of three months of car payments. (Hawaii in December was the exception, it was probably 4.5 car payments.) It's just math, you see, not voodoo. Money isn't magic and it's not even that complicated -- managing money is about discipline and paying attention. It doesn't matter if you've allotted the numbers in your budget to a car, to a house or to a plane ticket ... the key is to actually use a budget.
Perception is endlessly fascinating. For me, the very idea of buying a new car is terrifying. You have to make a huge decision on which car to buy and you want to make the right decision because you're committed to that car for years of your life. That's overwhelming to me. And you might have to haggle, which feels like Dante's seventh circle of consumer hell. And then you have this new expensive thing that you worry about, and you get paranoid about dings and spills and scrapes and all of it sounds awful to me. It sounds like something that will require research and commitment and cash and it makes me wonder if I can get another good five years out of Big Red.
To some people buying a car is no big deal at all. To them it's much easier than randomly snapping up a cheap airfare to some distant city, getting on a plane and walking around a bunch of strangers. To me, traveling is relaxing and I don't worry about the hotel because there are always other hotels, and I don't worry about where to go or what to see because there's always something to see. I put less research into my vacations than I do into my haircuts. It's just a few days out of your life when you take pictures and order wine in a new language and deconstruct airline food. But to other folks this idea makes them break out in hives of anxiety. So I guess, like everything, it's all in the way you look at it.
I'm not sure if I'll be traveling again for a while, the pervasive economic doom makes me feel like I should be squirreling away every dime. But it was a fun trip, a nice few days away.
Last night in Madrid. Adios!
Posted by laurie at 07:33 AM
February 23, 2009
Me gusta Madrid!
This is beautiful Madrid at night:
This is me in Madrid. You may notice I am a tad on the freakishly blurry side:
That's what happens when you have a crapass camera and don't really want to bother strangers with a detailed explanation of how they have to stop breathing and become one with the rotation of the earth to get a somewhat unblurred image. (I am going to buy a new camera this year. I can't take another year of blur!)
Last year I had so much fun on my Valentine's solo trip to Rome that I decided I should make it a regular thing, taking myself somewhere fun and far away on Valentine's Day. Madrid is beautiful and alive and crazy and delicious and it was perfect for a little getaway.
The first time I went to Madrid I was in my twenties and my ex-husband and I arrived in the middle of the afternoon and we stayed in a hotel right on the Puerta del Sol and I remember looking at him later that night when the whole world was walking by -- teenagers in groups with their friends, old folks out at eleven o'clock in the evening just taking a paseo, ladies with baby strollers, couples hand-in-hand -- and I told him I could live in Madrid the rest of my life. Madrid has an energy that matches mine, or maybe it's the energy I want to have, either way I love it. I'd forgotten how much I enjoy Spain and how great the Spaniards are, it's been almost ten years since the last time I was there.
I didn't stay in the Puerta del Sol this time since it has turned into the world's largest excavation dig :
The last trip I took to Spain was a long meandering driving adventure through the countryside of Galicia and the Basque area and Portugal, too. I knew I wanted to go back but I never in a million years dreamed I'd be arriving in Madrid by myself (and might I add I arrived with merely a carryon bag) but that's what I did and it was muy bueno. It's so much easier to be in a place where you can communicate, too, my Spanish is MUCH better than my French or Italian. I think last time I was in France I ordered a cheese sandwich on a grandmother with a side of boots.
While in Madrid I stayed in a GREAT hotel:
The Catalonia Las Cortes. Fantastico!
Minibar, nicer TV than I have at home, even room for a desk for my laptop. (King size bed ... you can kind of see the corner of it in this picture.)
The bathroom was really nice. I need a nice bathroom. I am prissy.
I got a great deal on the hotel through Orbitz.com, and this trip to Spain was about 70% cheaper than the trip I took to Maui over Christmas. I AM NOT KIDDING YOU. I was in Maui for about the same amount of time and it was twice the price of this trip to Madrid. (I don't think I wrote about going to Maui, did I? It was very pretty and nice but I had booked that trip way back last April before prices fell and I was locked into what ended up being a VERY spendy vacation, by my standards. Just as an example, my hotel in Madrid cost 1/5 of my hotel in Maui. Seriously.)
I know I've said it before but if you can afford it, this is a great year to travel and a great year to travel abroad. I got a good rate on the Euro and the flight was very reasonable compared to last year's prices. Usually when I travel I set myself a budget for spending while I'm there, and this budget is the amount of money I change into foreign currency at my bank before I leave for my trip. I get a base rate on the exchange so this works best for me (and I'm not paranoid about carrying money) but everyone is different. And of course if I need more there's always ATM machines. Usually I manage to stay within my spending budget, though. Especially when taking a carry-on bag -- no room for a lot of souvenirs!
By the way, I cannot believe I managed to travel to Spain for six days with just a carry-on bag. In winter. I never thought I would become someone who could travel light! I used to need a sherpa and a pack mule just for a weekend visit to San Diego. I think it was that damn book tour that did it ... after weeks of hauling around a suitcase the size of a Smart Car, I was exhausted by my own stuff. Now I try to pick hotels with a hairdryer in the room and toiletries so I didn't have to bring shampoo and stuff, and I packed clothes that all matched and were interchangeable. Since these people were never going to see me again I didn't figure anyone would just die of embarrassment for me if I wore the same red sweater twice.
The secret to packing light.... packing cubes!! I use three for every trip, one large one for pants and sweaters and two small ones. In one of the small cubes I pack undies and socks and in the other T-shirts, something to sleep in and accessories. I also pack a little cosmetic bag and in my shoulder bag I take my ipod, a book, notebook, knitting, and other stuff.
This trip was great, perfect, exactly what I needed. I haven't been in a funk per se, but close enough to funky to be icky. Nothing gets you out of your little tunnel vision like traveling! There's something about getting on that airplane and going to a whole 'nother continent and breathing the air of a new city that makes you feel alive. I guess it's because everything is so new all your senses are alive and on guard and you're awake. It's definitely what I needed right now, the right city at the right time.
I love traveling by myself. More pictures tomorrow!
Posted by laurie at 10:21 AM
February 03, 2009
Headache
Yesterday I left work early with a sinus headache. I just wanted to come home and lie in bed with a pillow over my head.
I pulled into my driveway and there was Mrs. Lee, sitting on a footstool in the middle of her driveway, which is right next to my driveway, and she was surrounded by stuff, stuff everywhere. They've been doing something to one of their cars and for for days their driveway has been a playground for tools and wires and parts and junk. It's almost Southern. It looks like Mr. Lee's tool shed exploded all over the concrete drive.
So she was just sitting there with her headphones on, doing what looked like a massive purse cleanout in the driveway next to the spare transmission and spark plugs.
"Hey Mrs. Lee, you OK?" I asked.
"Oh you know, Julie, not so good." Mrs. Lee always calls me Julie.
"What's up?"
And that's when she told me her and Mr. Lee were not very happy and some things had transpired and now after 22 years of marriage she was thinking of divorce. She said she might move back to St. Louis and stay with her first husband. I didn't touch that one with a ten-foot pole.
I hugged her. She's gotten more used to me hugging, this time she didn't even flinch. I wanted to give her some advice, something useful, since I was the poster child of divorcees for several years there but I just didn't have any advice at all. Everyone's situation is different and everyone makes their own way through and sometimes I think the best you can do is just listen, so I did. And later I brought her over a bottle of wine and some oranges from my backyard tree. And then I went to bed with a pillow over my head.
I hate to think of someone being sixty-one and getting unhitched. I guess I still have some traditional ideas about marriage hidden in there, like how by the time you're retired you ought to have figured some stuff out but that's ridiculous, as soon as it crossed my mind I realized it was such a dumb assumption. Who ever figures everything out? I can't imagine I'll be sixty-two and have figured anything out at all. I didn't even realize there was still a part of me that expects grown-ups to have all the right answers. When does one even officially become a grown up?
So I guess time will tell, maybe they'll work things out. You just never know. Maybe she'll move and fall in love all over again and grow her hair out long and start calling people in St. Louis Julie. or maybe she'll decide to move back to Korea and she'll open up a big organic farming complex and live her life happy among the plants (she has this incredible garden in her backyard, it's magical, I'm not kidding. She has a green thumb and entire green limbs, it's fantastic.) Or maybe she'll stay here and they'll work it out and be happier than ever and get a dog. That's the thing about bad events, they always seem like the very end but unless they are the very VERY end, you keep going right through them until you reach the other side and usually something good is waiting. Or that's how I choose to see it all, anyway. Even if I do sometimes find myself in bed with a pillow over my head.
Posted by laurie at 08:59 AM
January 31, 2009
January wrap-up
Not only is it already the year 2009, which is right before the year TWENTY TEN (!!!), but it is also January 31st, which is practically almost February and I need to slow down and breathe or all the sudden it will be summer and I'll be wondering when my New Year's resolutions will start and why is another year gone already?
Because I think 2010 -- TWENTY TEN!!!! -- is going to be a really great year. That doesn't say much for the year we are currently in, year not-twenty-ten. Is it just me? Or does 2009 feel like a gap year, where there's so much housecleaning and hard work you have to do?
I am not sure why I am so fixated on this. Maybe it's because even though I have opted out of the recession there is still a part of me subconsciously soaking up the gloomy news about 2009? Or maybe it's because I know how busy and full this 2009 is because I have a calendar and eyesight and I am already tired from looking at it. It feels like I need an attitude adjustment but I don't even know where to start.
So I decided to vacuum. At 5 a.m. I love to vacuum, which probably makes me weird and perverted in ways I don't even want to acknowledge. But it's so fulfilling! You can actually see and feel and smell the difference as you're doing it. Taking vitamins and exercising are supposed to be fulfilling but you don't take your multivitamin and feel instantly better. And maybe you love the way you feel after exercising, but I just feel sweaty and in dire need of a bath. But vacuuming is like nerdy nirvana -- one minute you see the cat litter trailed onto the carpet and the next minute it's gone! Eradicated! Vanquished!
The floors aren't the only things I vacuum, either. I use all the attachments and I dust my keyboard, clean the slats in the wooden shutters, remove dust off the air vent in the hallway. Vacuuming feels like conquering, I can see my progress as I go.
There's something incredibly gratifying about having a clean house. It makes me feel like I have my domain under control, like I can at least count on getting one thing right, that knowing where all the pots and pans and shoes go and having things in their place is some kind of internal order which might one day spring forth and vomit into my daily life of disorder and chaos. Anyway, it's a good theory, achieving order by osmosis.
The biggest dilemma I seem to have right now is finding a way to be completely at ease (if that's even possible) with uncertainty. So many things are uncertain and aside from knowing where the shoes and pans and silverware go (and aside from my neurotic love of vacuuming), not much else feels very stable or permanent or real. So it's as if I have arrived at this big crossroads -- no, not a crossroads, that's too poetic. This is one of those huge freeway intersections with multiple on-ramps and off-ramps and detours and some road construction thrown in, and it's poorly marked and oh, it's also rush hour -- and my choices are:
1) Become completely panicked and freak out. Then make some random decision that has no basis at all in reason or meaning but is a DECISION. The Decider!
2) Find some way to be at peace with the knowledge that I am not sure which route to take and have no idea how I managed to find myself at this intersection. And just keep moving toward whatever seems better and hope it all works out OK.
3) Pull over on the side of the road and pray for wine.
I'm a naturally inclined optimist so I am going to select Choice #2 and hope it all works out, because it always seems to work out somehow. I just want to find that peace that lets a person be OK with not knowing, peace with uncertainty. In the past when I got all messy and chaotic and "how did I get here where the heck am I going?" I used to make decisions just to do anything at all, because doing something seemed like a plan, like action, like a solution. But all it meant was a change of scenery, usually, or a new boss or boyfriend or house or whatever, and it became just a method to distract me from driving the car of my life.
Sometimes instead of deciding some random thing on my own, I would stop and ask people for directions. I would actually let other people tell me what they thought about my life and what I should do. These were people I probably wouldn't take actual driving directions from! Funny. Sad. Thank God I stopped doing that.
So anyway. I'm not taking any real action, unless you include vacuuming. I'm not asking for opinions. I am not even sure where I am, except that it is the tail end of January, 2009 which feels a little murky and I know there is some stuff that needs to be worked out and I don't want to panic on the freeway. So to speak. I'm just trying to be still from time to time and listen.
Maybe the whole point of all this is to teach me how to be at ease with the rapidly moving current of uncertainty and instability which is commonly known as "real life." Maybe this is that time people talk about in their lives between where they used to be and where they are going. It's an in-between place. For me, I think that in-between place is 2009.
Just in case though, it still wouldn't hurt to pray for wine.
Posted by laurie at 12:23 PM
January 28, 2009
You can skip the dream analysis portion. It won't hurt my feelings.
First, if you are an American Airlines AAdvantage member and you haven't signed up for Netflix, which as you all know I have not because so many damn people insisted I sign up now! immediately! that I decided I would never sign up, anyway. If you want to get 3,000 frequent flier miles, sign up for the $8.99 subscription and you can cancel after a month. If you hold on for three months you get an additional 500 AAdvantage miles. But this offer is only good if you sign up before January 31, so there's just a few days left.
I did grudgingly sign up for Netflix because 3500 miles is a good deal for an $8.99 subscription, plus apparently you can watch some movies on your computer. I don't have a Netflix lifestyle, meaning that if I miraculously happen to have a blank two-hour time slot for a movie and I have a hankering to watch something, it is rare and requires instant gratification. (See: The Bodyguard.) But I finally broke down and signed up for Netflix mostly for the miles and because they have a good documentary section, some that are hard to find through On Demand or at Blockbuster. We'll see. My movie queue is all stuff about mountain climbing and the Holocaust, go figure.
- - - -
New Jersey just arrived, and he announced to the whole office, "I officially hate Los Angeles."
He was stuck in traffic because the eastbound 10 is closed down from a wrong-way driver accident. Those happen more than you'd imagine, although I swear I'd never heard of anyone driving the wrong way on the freeway until I moved out here.
"But it's sunny outside," I said. "And it's going to be 78 degrees today. In January. That should make you happy."
"I just spent two hours driving twelve miles."
"Sunny! Warm!"
It's a hard sell.
- - - -
One of the most boring things you can ever do is tell people about your dreams. I once dated a guy who did this all the time and it was really snooze-inspiring. So I am not the least bit offended if you skip this next part and go get a coffee instead.
In my dream night before last I was at the market with my mom and my friend Corey and we were walking out of the store to my Jeep and also, I was carrying my cat Sobakowa. Because it makes so much sense in a dream.
So then I noticed one of the flaps on the Jeep's soft-top was loose so I handed Soba to my mom to hold onto while I snapped down the canvas top. But she put the cat down on the ground and the cat walked off a bit and then some random girl who was walking out of the market grabbed MY CAT and took her. So of course I hollered and took off running after her. I caught up to the girl and her friend and now they were both sort of standing in some kind of line (???) and so I walked up to her and she had the cat hidden under her shirt. She was really blonde, like almost platinum blonde, and she was wearing a big plaid long-sleeved shirt that I knew concealed my cat. So I confronted her.
"Give me my damn cat. NOW."
"I don't have your cat," she said.
So then I grabbed her hair and I guess I had some monster dream-enhanced vice grip because I really had a hold on her, so she let go of my cat and I picked up Soba and walked back to the Jeep except now we were getting on an airplane, one of those small prop planes, but on the inside it kind of looked like my parents' motorhome. The people in the dream had kind of changed, too, and as we left and flew over the countryside it was so pretty, I noticed all the green pastures and the beautiful blue ocean and there were horses, one of the horses was bright blue with a white mane (yesterday at lunchtime I told this dream to Corey, because I am exceptionally boring as a friend, and she said, "Oh my God! You dreamed about My Little Pony!" and she thought this was very funny. Which serves me right for boring anyone with my dreams.)
So the plane was gliding along and then the pilot, who was a woman, decided to set it down on the side of a mountain but there was a tunnel just ahead and it sheared off the wings. Which she didn't seem the least bit worried about until the road we were on, hugging the side of a mountain, began to spiral uphill instead of downhill. And I knew we were going to crash majestically so I had to plot my way out of the airplane because I had to -- get this -- save my cat Sobakowa, who was still in this neverending crazyass dream.
And that's when I woke up to my alarm clock and noticed that the Sobakowa was laying on me and I was petting her and she was staring at me. Like somehow she controlled my mind and made it into my dreams. And it kind of freaked me out.
The point is, I am starting to be a little afraid of the Tortie. She's manipulating my thoughts! And also maybe I shouldn't eat Mexican food before bedtime.
The end.
Posted by laurie at 09:29 AM
January 27, 2009
Birthday Bro
Today is my older brother Guy's birthday. This is a picture of us when we were little, during the finite window of time in which I was cuter than him:
Later everything changed and I got braces and had my hair fried by perms and massive amounts of Sun-In, and he morphed into some golden god that all my junior high school girlfriends would swoon over while I made dramatic and loud barfing noises.
The metamorphosis has begun.
The best story I have about my brother Guy was in the summer before eighth grade. School was just about to start and we had cheerleader practice every day at Acadian Elementary School and all of us soon-to-be-eighth-graders took it very seriously, with our herkies and clapping and hollering about touchdowns. It was very Important Work.
My family lived way out on the bayou back then and it was a pretty long drive to the school so sometimes (probably as punishment) my dad would make my older brother pick me up after cheerleading practice. He had this giant gold Monte Carlo that he loved and he spent long hours that summer working on his car with his buddies and they had all become brown as little raisins from being in the Louisiana sun all summer in just cutoffs, talking about radiators and gaskets and subwoofers.
One day at cheer practice we got done early and the whole squad sat on the front lawn waiting for all our rides to come get us, talking and gossiping and carrying on. Up drove my brother in his Monte Carlo, windows down, a tape by The Doors blaring from his stereo. A hush fell over the entire group of chatty gossipy cheerleaders, I looked at hem because OH MY GAWD YA'LL IT'S JUST MY STUPID BROTHER, but before I could say anything it dawned on me that every girl there thought my brother was the coolest human being to ever grace the face of the earth and he was in their presence. And the were awed.
So instead of faking barf noises like usual when ever my brother was near, I just got in the car all smooth-like, as if his unbelievable coolness could rub off on me by proximity and familial ties alone and he peeled off in a screech of tire rubber and gas fumes.
He didn't talk to me -- I wasn't cool enough -- but he just looked at me and laughed. He gunned it down the bayou road and turned the stereo up all the way. I remember that day as clear as if it happened yesterday: my brother all tan and lean and young, with his head out the window of his hot rod, singing along with Jim Morrison, "Keep your eyes on the road, your hands upon the wheel..." Of course it helped that after that everyone at school thought I was unbelievably lucky (barf) to have Guy as my brother and could he take them home on the way, also?
And so he's kind of frozen in my mind that way. My brother, the Golden Teenage God, driving down that bayou with his head out the window with the sun on his face and wind rushing through his hair singing, "I woke up this morning and I got myself a beer... the future's uncertain but the end is always clear... let it roll, baby, roll..."
That's how I think of my brother, even though we spent most of our lives beating each other up with the blinding hate of a thousand fiery suns. There's nothing like an older brother to make your life a living hell one minute, and the next to make you the coolest kid in the entire eighth grade.
Happy Birthday, Guy!
Posted by laurie at 09:14 AM
January 23, 2009
TGIF
I'm not sure how ALL my deadlines seem to converge at the same time but they always do. Must be a conspiracy to make me go crazy... oh! by the way, it's working!
When I am really overworked and tired and stressed out I do unique things such as put the remote control away in the refrigerator. Or my old tried and true -- getting into the shower with my socks still on. However, I can tell you who is NOT the least bit stressed out:
The Sobakowa, who sleeps in a ray of sunlight with her little head on a giant pillow. Nothing under 1000 thread count sheets will do.
Speaking of animal farm pictures, my parents have been calling me trying to find out why I haven't commented on the cuteness they sent me via email why why WHY. But my email is broken and I have been too busy all week to spend seven hours on the phone with tech support to discover this new and exciting reason why I am locked out of my mail server, so all I know is there is something very important involving the puppy wearing a hoodie and if I don't see the pictures soon I might get excommunicated from my own family. No pressure!
- - -
Remember last week when an airplane landed in the FREAKING HUDSON RIVER? I was at work and I was in the elevator on the way to a meeting -- we have little TVs in the elevator which usually I think should be tuned to something happy like the Food Network -- but they show news all day and usually it's either talking heads blah blah blahing about politics or it's news of yet another financial collapse, sky is falling, etc. Of course the best times are when you're in the elevator with your boss or say the SVP of Compliance and you are both held captive in the elevator with the loud volume and the TV is playing an erectile dysfunction ad. Yup. Good times.
So anyway, I was in the elevator with a VP from Product and we're staring mutely at the TV when it both dawns on us that is an AIRPLANE sticking out of the RIVER. The next night I was watching the ABC World News because a PLANE was in the RIVER and I saw this woman:
Ya'll, she and I went to high school together. I am not even lying. It's like that time I was watching that TV show "STUDS" and I saw a guy I worked with participating on the show, trying to be one of the STUDS.
Anyway I never knew her that well but as soon as I saw her face I realized two things. ONE: I was glad this person I hardly knew was still alive, and TWO: Some people have aged perhaps better than others and maybe I won't go to the reunion after all unless I discover a fountain of Botox in my backyard. Or win the lotto. Because rich trumps cute any day of the week and twice on Sundays.
- - -
While I have yet to discover the Botox fountain in my yard, or the money tree, you will be shocked and awed to know my poor orange tree which the old gardener Francisco used to prune down to the trunk every spring is now a hearty real live actual tree with green leaves and this year it has multiple (read: more than one) oranges! Real bonafide eatable oranges!
It is my greatest accomplishment to date and I had virtually nothing to do with it at all. And while I don't even like oranges that much but I have been going outside in the DARK of morning and picking one each day to take to work and I have bored all my coworkers silly with the rhapsodizing about my abundance of greenthumbery as I peel and eat my orange each day:
- - -
One last thing...
On the way home from work a few days ago I got behind this behemoth truck with Alaska plates and a bumper sticker that made me laugh:
The bumper sticker had been half-peeled off and the driver was a woman, so I couldn't help but wonder if maybe some previous owner had stuck it there and someone had tried to get it off, bumper stickers have a history of their own, I guess:
I know it's hard to read in the picture but the sticker says, "MY CAR DRINKS JET FUEL AND EATS ASPHALT."
That is so 2008!
Posted by laurie at 09:02 AM
January 20, 2009
January 20th, 2009
It was so exciting to see everyone at work crammed into the conference room watching the TV, watching the new President of the United States be sworn in, listening so intently to his inaugural speech.
And it was crazy and exhilarating to see people lining the streets and pouring into Washington D.C., hundreds of thousands of people really excited to be an American, I have never in my entire life watched that many people come together and shout out the President's name, over and over again like a mantra. I was astonished, really, because I can't even remember watching an inauguration before this one (except on TV later that night, as part of the news.) But this one I started watching as soon as I got up, I drove into work so I didn't miss a minute listening to it on the radio, and later we all watched it together at work and cheered.
Even if you didn't like the guy and didn't vote for him, I'd imagine you have to be amazed and surprised at how he's bringing people together to feel good about our country, even on a cold January day (well, cold in Washington D.C. I live in Los Angeles where summer started two weeks ago and people are wearing flip-flops and tank tops.)
Later, Corey and I met in the breakroom upstairs to eat our lunches and when were done, we got in the elevator to go back downstairs. The little TV screen in the elevator showed the new President and the new First Lady getting out of a limo for the traditional Presidential parade. So we rode the elevator down to the lobby and back -- three times -- so we could watch it on the TV. I can't imagine doing that for anyone else!
What an exciting day. So full of hope!
Posted by laurie at 01:39 PM
January 06, 2009
Donde esta el coffee? Abajo el perro.
So I spent most of the New Year's holiday with this character:
More specifically, I spent my New Year's Eve doing this:
Truly, he was the best date I've had in years! You know I don't really ever talk about dating much on this website but maybe if I were writing another book, maybe, I would throw in a funny story or two. Or ten. Just because honestly some of the goofiest things that have ever happened to me happened in the company of strangers posing as datable men.
I did have an epiphany recently though, about how you have to be responsible for your own happiness and spend time and energy getting to know yourself and not pin your hopes and goals and dreams on some other poor unsuspecting human. Well, honestly, I figured out that part even a few years ago, but the epiphany addendum I had recently was that you must only spend time on other people who are responsible for their own happiness. It's awful being the source of someone's highs and lows, it's too much pressure having someone look to you each day to make them happy. Don't you agree?
Except animals, of course...
That's my parents' dog, and he's so cute and goofy. I love animals. I sometimes used to worry I was one of those eccentric weirdos who like animals more than people and now I have just fully embraced it, because animals are happy. They make you laugh and studies say they lower your blood pressure (and then combine that with the wine studies that make you healthier and we're in business!)
My cats had a field day when I got home sniffing my clothes and making a big dramatic deal out of my socks and the shoes the dog had slobbered all over. Sometimes I look at my cats and I'm so surprised that these little strange creatures live in my house and eat and breathe and sleep (and do not forget poop, oh there is poop!) and we all cohabitate and they're so fluffy and different from each other. Anyone who says animals don't have personalities has never truly loved an animal.
My folks are just nuts about their little dog, and his personality is definitely spoiled rotten. I love how he perks his ears up when you say his name, and he knows words! Like "outside" and "go" and "eat." Dogs are so different from cats but equally happy-making.
That's the cuteness right there.
Posted by laurie at 09:27 AM
January 02, 2009
Happy New Year 2009!
Los Angeles is cold and shrouded today, a big thick blanket of heavy fog is just sitting on downtown and the valleys and it feels toasty inside and wintery out. New years start out one way and end another... but this one especially, I think. This year is starting out with fog (metaphorically, too) but by the end of 2009 we could be anywhere, most likely we'll all be someplace better than we are right now. It's kind of exciting to know anything at all could happen. It's kind of exciting to think the stock market might go back above 9000 or that the side-ponytail could come back in style or that California might go bankrupt and the Valley could secede not just from Los Angeles but the whole state and think of all the jokes we can tell about that one!
The beginning of a new year is exciting anyway just because it's such a nice way to mentally dump the old stuff that's broken and not working, and take on some new stuff that feels hopeful and possible. Usually at the end of the year I make a whole list of resolutions, I love them, I love lists. I waited until the year officially began this time around, mostly because I've been traveling and busy and visiting with my family and working and so it took me a while to find a stretch of uninterrupted time to just sit and think and write about my hopes and ideas and wants for the next year.
People are so funny about New Year's Resolutions. Some folks think they're laughable, some folks get really stressed out at the mention. Me, I just love goals and lists and thinking of changes to make. Goals aren't really what they used to be -- I used to check things off on a list and wonder why I was still so unfulfilled, so unhappy. Now my goals are just a way to move me through life, from here to there, and when I get "there" I already have new goals, new things to do and see and think about. Nothing ever really gets finished and thank God! Because it seems to be working -- I mean I'm still alive, still coming back for more, still making lists!
So this is my Big List For 2009. It seems to be largely cliche-based, which is funny since I do love a finely tuned platitude. I think 2008 was the year I learned that common sayings are common for a reason -- eventually they come true, they come to mean something real.
Big List of New Year's Resolutions 2009
1) Listen to my instincts. They're always right.
This is something I already knew of course, but in 2008 I got a whole new complex addendum to the "listen to your instincts" cliche. When you are faced with some kind of challenge in real life and you have to weigh your instinctual desire against the conflicting desires of others, you get an opportunity to know yourself real quicklike. One way or another.
There was that whole magazine incident back over the summer, where I felt myself getting cornered into something I was not at all comfortable with. And in the end if I had just listened to myself at the very beginning and not tried to please others, not tried to be The Good Girl, or be so polite, or be so focused on what others want I probably could have made than incident last a few short minutes instead of drag out mercilessly over the span of weeks. Lesson learned.
And later in the year it happened again, a situation where I should have listened to my instincts but I tried to talk myself into something. Dumb, really. I met a guy and just a few months into our relationship something happened that set off my radar. And I should have just listened to myself, just ended it right then and there. But maybe I liked the idea of the relationship, and I made some excuses for him ("We just have different styles of communication, I guess...") or maybe I thought I was being too hard on him. "You're not a very forgiving person," he said to me, when I confronted him about the incident. And of course when people are trying to talk you into something, especially by trying to guilt you into a thing, that's a dead give-away you should proceed with extreme expediency to the nearest available exit.
But did I listen immediately, trust myself without fail? Oh Lord. Would we be having this conversation if I did? No, I fell for it, I wanted to be such a Good Girl like usual, be a nice person, give him the benefit of the doubt. And as usual, my gut instinct was right on target and it was only a few more weeks before I wanted out so completely that I couldn't believe I had ignored my own instincts again.
It's not that dramatic of a thing, really, just some goofy thing with some guy. But had I ended it the moment it felt wrong, I sure could have saved us both a lot of trouble! Just like the magazine interview, just like so many other things that are too numerous to list all in one day. My instinct told me what to do and I ignored myself because ... why? To be pleasing? To be nice? So people would like me? So I wouldn't feel bad for saying no, or saying good-bye or saying what I wanted? That is INSANE.
What a pain in the ass all of these incidents were -- but they taught me everything I need to know about listening to myself. I have taken that class and now I am done, I do not want to repeat Remedial Instinct Listening 101 -- again. And so it's my job to listen to myself and follow my instincts and stop doubting myself. Which brings me to 2009 Resolution #2...
2) Ditch the doubt.
Drew keeps reminding me that doubt is about as useless an emotion as you can come by, because it just robs you of happiness. But I am so naturally skilled at doubting and worrying that it has taken me a long while to realize that perhaps I could do without it. Perhaps I should perfect some other skills, like yodeling or eye-shadow application. They'd be about as useful for life skills.
Whatever you end up doing -- or deciding, or choosing or making -- gets you to where you are and it's always where you're meant to be, somehow or another. So why spend time and energy doubting every single step along the path?
Instead of doubting my choices and ideas and instincts and decisions, in 2009 I'm going to just lean into my life and see what happens. When I start doubting my choices I've decided I will deliberately switch the topic in my mind, immediately and with great fervor. I know myself -- I can think thoughts so obsessively that they start thinking me! So I picked a little mental fantasy that I just love, and I decided every time I start doubting myself and my decisions and my words and my blah blah blah on and on and on... I will switch deliberately to my little mental fantasyland picture and stay there until my doubt seeps out and is replaced by something else. Or I will read a book or watch some really engrossing movie or go for a run or anything at all to change the channel of doubt and worry I can get on. This is the year I switch that channel off for good. I'm just so tired of preemptively worrying about things that never get solved from worry and doubt anyway. It's time to move on.
3) Financially: keep on keeping on with good choices!
Last year I made the decision to drop out of consumerism. I have had many periods in my life where I was so broke I just couldn't shop or spend -- you know when you're too broke to even window shop? That was me after my divorce! So in the years that followed my divorce I worked so hard to get out of debt that once I finally got out I decided I wanted to stay debt-free. Forever.
Last year in May I made the crazypants decision to buy no more nonessential stuff for the rest of the year (you can read about that here and a little more about it right here). I think I did pretty well, overall (and I'll write more about this another day next week, because finances are a big topic for everyone this year.) My goal for 2009 is to keep up with my new spend-less-buy-less habits. I would much rather save my money and spend it on travel and seeing the world than buy magazines and dishes and clock radios and doodads. I am hugely fortunate to have my job and my savings and my money choices in the past few years have been good ones. I'm really proud of myself -- I'm not perfect, there have been new shoes from time to time -- but for the most part I have really managed to stick with my spending moratorium and it feels great, it feels sustainable, it feels like the right thing to do for me.
4) TRAVEL!!
All the travel analysts and news sites claim that 2009 is going to be a great year for travel deals and I can already see how right on these predictions are. I search for travel deals like some people search for dates on match.com, and I can tell you that prices are down almost by half from where they were just six or eight months ago. If you do have the means, this is a good year to get going and see some new things. I want to try something new this year, something adventurous and who knows where I'll end up. I love traveling by myself -- it's so much fun to just do any old thing YOU want to do and not spend all that time focused on someone else's wants or needs or preferences or schedule or stomach or tastebuds or anything at all. I know there are folks out there who cannot imagine traveling alone. I used to be one, and now I cannot imagine why I waited so long to do it!
5) Focus on well-being, even if everything else gets pushed aside.
Last year I got very, very sick. It started in 2007, really, and by the end of my book tour I was so worn down and worn out that I started suspecting something might be amiss. I think I knew even then it was something more than just being tired or over-worked. It took almost an entire year to figure out what the issue was, and by the end of July of this past year I was sicker than I've ever been, and exhausted, and depressed and scared half to death I was falling apart. In late August I finally found out what the HELL was going on with my body and since I've made some changes to my lifestyle and my diet I've seen the craziest turnaround ever. I had felt so bad for so long I didn't even know what feeling good meant, and so when I started getting healthy again it was like the daylight arrived in what used to be a very dark and depressing room.
I don't share a lot of private stuff online (well, my whole divorce, but I was crazy then and no one was reading), and anyway my health situation wasn't something I wanted to talk about with anyone, even in my real life, and I had no intention of gabbing about it on the innernet. But now I feel so much better that I just want to keep it fresh and first (or fifth) on my New Year's List. I want to continue getting healthy, I want to appreciate the body I've got instead of fighting with it, I want to take care of myself and never let my own health and care come last again. I want to stay healthy and get healthier and be strong and well.
And I've learned that when something feels wrong with your body it's more important to address that challenge than anything else on your list. The commute, the job, the commitments, the bills, the housecleaning ... all of that stuff is just details, they're just topics. Your health is your gift to yourself. Everything falls into line when you're well. Even the crap that doesn't fall into line is easier to deal with when you're well! Every day I wake up and feel grateful that the light came on, that I found my way to feeling good, that I made the changes I had to make and am still doing it. I like this vantage point a whole lot better than the sick and sad one. I plan on staying well and getting even better.
- - -
So that's my list. I feel really optimistic about 2009, and of course you know I have lots of to-do lists and goals and little things, too, scribbled in my notebooks and on post-its and in binders of lists. My headstone will be a list, ya'll know it's true.
But I decided not to make 2009 about details and topics and logistics. For the most part I just want to focus on hope and health and prosperity (which means something new to me now, it doesn't come from a mall) and I want to lean into my life with a little trust that I'll do the right thing without so much time wasted on doubt and worry. In 2008 I learned that even if 100 things are going wrong you can still find one thing going right. And when I would think about the 100 screwed up things I would feel bad, and worried and anxious. But when I just thought about the one thing that's actually working, I would feel better. So I stopped making lists of what was broken and started making lists of what was working. It didn't fix the 100 broken things, but they seem a lot less urgent, a lot less scary.
Just find one thing that's going right and run with it, that's what 2009 will be for me.
Happy New Year!!!
Posted by laurie at 02:31 PM
December 24, 2008
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas and bon voyage to 2008 .. it's been a wacky, crazy, happy, hairy, upside-down, right-side-up-again year. I'm ready for a little break before a new year starts again.
Here are some of my favorite pictures from this past year, with my favorite things in life. My favorite people. My little fur-covered friends. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy End Of Year and here's to hopeful beginnings for a new one!
xo,
laurie
p.s. Love you all.
p.p.s. See you next year!
Posted by laurie at 01:26 PM
December 22, 2008
Rainy days and Mondays always get me chocolate
What ... are we turning into Florida or something? This is at least the fourth day of rain this year! Four days when the sun didn't shine and water came from above! Personally, I'm against it. I've lived here for something like 15 years (gasp) and I have officially become insulted by the rain and prefer that it stops, now.
Also, it has been cold! It was 36 degrees yesterday morning which is cold in any language. So for dinner I made a pot roast in the crock pot (very easy -- take a roast or a brisket or even tri-tip and coat it in a mixture of black pepper and crushed garlic -- I buy the stuff in the jar at the market -- and brown it in a pot, then put the browned beef into the crockpot with some onions sliced up. For liquid, add broth or some people do Lipton's onion soup, or beer. What I did last night was to deglaze the pan I browned the meat in with some beef broth and add that to the crockpot as the liquid. Deglazing sounds fancy, yes? You just add broth to the pan and scrape up the browned bits, easy!)
I like pot roast and I like the idea of adding in the veggies and having a one-pot meal, but I don't like all my vegetables to taste like pot roast. And after they've been cooking that long I just think they're mushy. So usually I make mashed potatoes as a side, but this time I tried something new, I roasted the vegetables separately in a pan in the oven and it turned out great!
I lined a cookie sheet with that Reynolds Release tin foil which is MIRACULOUS, love it, it's a non-stick foil and I use it for everything. Then I cut up a purple onion, peeled and cut three carrots, peeled and sliced up two parsnips, and added about four small yukon gold potatoes sliced up, too. I chopped some garlic, sprinkled the pan with salt and cracked pepper and added a little drizzle of olive oil. I also cut up a leek and added it in but you may want to skip the leek -- it got kind of crunchy (which I don't mind but then again I am not very picky.)
Then put the whole pan in the oven at 425F and bake/roast for as long as it takes to get everything the amount of done you like (I roasted mine for about an hour, and I stirred everything up a few times in between with a big spatula.) TASTY!!!! I don't know why I don't do this more often, I love roasted anything and this is a big healthy plate of yummy. Perfect for a cold blustery winter's day!
Posted by laurie at 10:01 AM
December 11, 2008
It's the end of the world as we know it.
Drew called me last night.
"Guess why I can't go to the gym?" he asked.
"Oh, fun!" I said. Because trust me when I tell you I will be calling in sick at the gym for a long time to come. I love this game.
"Ok, so are you calling in drunk?"
"Not this time," he said. "They won't fall for that one again."
Pause.
"Sadly."
Then we laughed and chitchatted and temporarily forgot why he was calling me. Later I said, "So what is your reason for not going to the gym?" Because Drew is not allergic to the gym like I am.
"OH," he said. "GUESS WHAT!"
"What?" all over again. Fun!
(By the way can you see how we're both so easily amused. It's like Waiting For Godot in reverse. We're even worse in person.)
"It's snowing!" he said. "HERE! In HOUSTON!"
"Oh my God, it's the end of the world! Do you have wine?"
"Yes! Thank Goodness!" he said. "We have a Hurricane Kit and now it is SNOWING! In HOUSTON!"
"Have you taken pictures? Video? Is it really snow?" I asked. Because ya'll, I was born in Texas. You cannot fool me. Houston is where people go to sweat and then die. Never wear polyester blends south of Kerrville.
"I AM OUTSIDE IN THE SNOW." Then: "HOLY CRAP IT IS REALLY COLD OUT HERE."
"You know," I said, because I am a good friend, "you see, in mathematics and barometrics and also logical blahblahnese, if it's snowing it's an indication of coldness. Generally speaking."
"It's all Al's fault," said Drew. Also because he is a good friend.
"No," I said. "Al Gore is perfect, have you seen him? He's lost weight. Mmmhmmm. He's not calling in sick to the gym! So THIS SNOW my friend is a bonafide Christmas miracle!"
"You're right," he said. "I don't have to go to the gym, I can drink wine and have a fire in the fireplace without turning on the air conditioning! Because it is a Christmas Miracle! Two weeks early!"
So ya'll it is snowing in Houston. What's next? Carbs come back in style? People in Los Angeles stop wearing pajamas to the market? Cats become aerodynamically sound and fly from place to place? If it can snow in Houston anything is possible. Well, anything is possible except for me going to the gym. I called in a snow day long ago, never to return. Because Drew is SO right, it's much easier than calling in drunk! Call in snowing! It is a Christmas Miracle.
Posted by laurie at 09:01 AM
December 10, 2008
The holidays are in the air and in the mind. And in the hair.
Yesterday at Moskatels I saw a crazy upside-down Christmas tree suspended from the ceiling:
(Click image for a gigantic picture.)
I've always wanted to do an upside-down tree, this one was sparkly and wacky and I really liked it. I have yet to put up my tree and Sobakowa is wondering where the greenery and sparkle is in her honor:
Where is my tree, human?
Doesn't she look ready to launch an invasion, plan a war, create an empire? That cat has a secret life I can only imagine.
And yesterday on the bus I was knitting and I was half-asleep, my sleep deprivation is reaching near-2005 levels at this point, which is insanity, but anyway I looked up in my fugue state and noticed a wisp of yarn fiber from my scarf-in-progress had become airborne and attached itself to the head of the person riding in the seat in front of me.
What a moral dilemma! What to do? I could either remove it, which would involve me touching a stranger's HEAD and also alerting the person I had shed upon them. Which is weird, even by Los Angeles standards. Or I could do nothing and hope for a wind storm.
I won't tell you my decision, but I will tell you we had Santa Anas yesterday, and I trust Mother Nature on these issues....
Only 14 days left until Christmas. Can we call a time-out?
Posted by laurie at 10:22 AM
December 08, 2008
Arms and legs and spaces in between
My leg is much better. I'm practically a healing machine, I am certain of it. I have a lot of theories about why my body betrayed me and I have finally decided it's because I haven't been drinking enough, or at all. Sometime back in September I stopped drinking wine (or anything) because I was entering into one of my famously freakish health nut phases where I was purifying with smoothies and flax oil and decaf greet tea and kale. Seriously, one day someone at work asked me if I had eaten anything without kale in a month and the answer was, um, sadly ... no.
So I believe this is my body's way of asking for wine, STAT.
In arm news, I discovered these super cutie cute armwarmers at Target for $10:
There are two reasons why I bought these. One, I loved them. And two, I am certain I can deconstruct the pattern and make a pattern of my own based off these. I know there are probably 176,000 armwarmer patterns on the internet but ya'll know how I can be. I want to make something of my own with trial and error and possible need for felting. Also the upside is that once I figure it out, I can put it here for free to warm all the arms of the world!
It has a thumb gusset, too:
And since my Great Mitten Experiment I am all about the thumb gusset. I think I'll start armwarming away as soon as I finish my current project, and also all other projects, and so one day in 2013 I'll post a pattern.
Just a few days ago my friend Corey and I were talking about our knitting and she and I have both realized we're at an age in life and a level of both maturity and insanity where we might, might, be ready to take on a cardigan. Maybe.
One day. Right after I drink some more wine and pretend I'm not already seven months behind on real life.
Posted by laurie at 11:49 AM
December 04, 2008
In which I am incredibly sappy. And later you may go into sugar shock over it all.
Last night traffic was horrendous and I exited the freeway and stopped off Woodman Avenue to get gas ($1.99 a gallon! Incredible!) and then I took back streets all the way across the Valley. I love this valley, I know it like the back of my hand. It's the longest I have ever lived in one geographical area. Before moving to Los Angeles the longest I ever stayed in one city was the four years I spent in college in Tennessee. Now I have been here more than a decade and I love that easy familiarity with all the backroads and shortcuts. You need them here, where traffic is sometimes so slow it's moving backwards in time.
As I drove through different neighborhoods I saw blue lights, menorahs, christmas lights strung in the formation of the Mexican flag, a house with nothing but white sparkly icicle lights (my favorite). I saw a man and his kids standing around a ladder with an inflatable reindeer. I think someone was tangled in something but they were soldiering onward, no reindeer left behind! I don't know why seeing all the Christmas stuff in stores and hearing Christmas songs makes me so pensive and maudlin and puddly. It's like this every year! I am a dork. You would think I'd become desensitized to it but alas. Dorkdom perseveres.
Christmas is such a strange time of the year. It makes you grateful for what you have and sometimes, for some people, it can be lonely. Or it can be stressful, I suppose, if you have a huge family and so many obligations and of course there is always traffic. This year I have planned well for the holidays -- I'm a planner, sometimes -- and I feel happy about my Christmas season. But it's always there anyway, this undercurrent. When you hear "Chesnuts roasting on an open fire..." and you get that little pang of blue.
Or is it just me?
I think it's so much easier to fall in love when you're young. When you're still young and fresh you haven't been washed over with complicated (and expensive) despair, you haven't failed so much. You still feel optimistic and hopeful and still believe in finding the right person, and you believe in happily ever afters. And Christmas is romantic and hopeful and only stressful because will you buy him a gift that says too much? Are you going overboard, are you too excited? You want to hold back and at the same time you want to rush forward.
When you're very young you still look forward to finding that right fit of a person who will Jerry Maguire you -- maybe we're an entire planet that suffers from Jerry Maguirism, more commonly known as "You Complete Me!" Syndrome. And when you're young you plan on getting married and buying a riding lawnmower or an SUV or a dining room set or whatever it is that symbolizes grown-upedness. And of course later you're older, you already have a dining room table, and you have to tell him your story and he tells you his and each person carries around a little shell, a little roadmap of where they have been.
I love listening to my parents talk to each other because they have been together for so long, through so many ups and downs that they're just so comfortable with each other and funny, and now of course they have this dog which is Their New Favorite Child. My dad is great in a million ways but mostly because he showed me by living example what great men are like and how men should treat women.
A few weeks ago a friend asked me to describe my Mr. Right and I couldn't do it. I got completely flustered. Of course like a lot of girls I made a list once a long time ago, I think it was a pretty specific list but I can only remember one thing on that stupid catalog of traits for Mr. Perfect: "Doesn't watch a lot of porn." (Clearly I made that list during Post-Divorce Year One: Dating In Freakangeles.) (This is a very strange city, my friends.) But I didn't say that one detail in the conversation, because really, isn't that sort of portentous that the single thing I can remember on the so-called List of Traits Mr. Perfect Will Have involves not being a porn addict? Even I know when to keep my mouth shut sometimes.
But I knew I had to come up with something to say about So Called Mr. Right because my friend was still waiting for my reply. Finally I just said the only thing that's true -- I want this alleged Mr. Right character to be madly in love with me and I will be madly in love with him. That kind of sums it up. (Oh, and it would be nice if he weren't a porn addict. JUST SAYING.)
Although I can't help but wonder ... does anyone fall madly in love after age 17? Or maybe 19? I can't believe this is me talking, the me who grew up in love with love, the one who used to think it was the only thing to wake up for each day. Apparently I am a pathological optimist in all areas of life except one... love. I'm not sure anymore. Maybe I'm jaded or maybe I've been so busy with my life and building my little dreams word by word that I don't think about the future except in terms of deadlines and vacations and when will I ever be able to afford a Jeep with air conditioning? There are so many great things about being independent and self-reliant that it's seductive.
It's easy to be alone once you know how, once you know you can have company any time you please (this is after all a wide and varied city full of people) but somewhere I stopped thinking about Love. Maybe I just gave it up to the Universe, maybe I just decided it was best to spend so much time focusing on my own improvement and health that the rest would somehow occur naturally. I honestly don't know. Or maybe at a certain age Love means something different, maybe Love isn't all-consuming and rapturous, maybe Love is someone who wakes up crazy early to call you one day because they know you'll be too busy to talk for the next 87 hours and they just want to say hello.
My parents aren't perfect, they get irritated with each other and they sigh with great abandon at each other sometimes, we're all very dramatic in my family with our facial expressions and existential sighs. But then one afternoon over the telephone, my mom tells me how my dad was concerned that the dog was cold so he let the dog sleep under the blanket. And it was just the way she said it, that little softness in her tone, where she's so fond of this man and you know that's real Love. Proof to me that the impossible never happens. It's out there, it just may look very different from You Complete Me.
Posted by laurie at 07:03 AM
December 03, 2008
London calling!
This was the airport over Thanksgiving weekend:
That's the International terminal of LAX with nobody and I mean NOBODY in line, no one jostling through baggage screening, no one at all. I had to take a picture because HOLY RECESSION BATMAN!
Then I took a picture of my baggage because I am most amazed at myself for being able to actually go anywhere for more than six hours without needing a sherpa. Usually I pack a huge suitcase and need to pay for a camel and a guide. That's my teensy carryon, my coat, and my shoulder bag with my little grey pillow inside its little grey case. I like those neck pillow thingies, I know inflatable ones are easier to carry but I like my smooshy one.
So I conquered a tiny piece of Europe in a wee few days with my magical carry-on. And I used most of the luggage space for my handknit wool scarf that I have never once worn because newsflash -- I live in Los Angeles -- but I was willing to forgo three extra cute tops for one hulking scarf of my own making. More on that later.
In my carryon shoulder bag I usually pack a book, my notebook for scribbling, ipod and headphones, camera, and a smaller traveling purse tucked inside the middle part that holds all my normal purse stuff and money and passport. In another compartment I have my stupid 3-ounce liquids in the stupid magic ziploc of defense, and I leave some room in the bag so later I can buy some bottled water and I usually bring at least one little snack, this time it was an energy bar. You've already seen the pillow bag which in addition to my mini-pillow also holds an eyeshade, earplugs and little ziploc with these soft slippers that fold up very small. I found them at Target for $2 on clearance and I always taken them on the plane so I don't have to sully my socks. When I get home I can just throw them in the wash. I hate walking into the airplane bathroom in my socks. EEEEWWWW.
I am not a low-maintenance gal, I suspect.
But truly I love airplanes, which makes me probably certifiably insane. I love them. I love traveling, I love going to the airport. I've always been this way and maybe it's because I grew up in a town so small we were outnumbered by chickens and I never thought I would end up being a girl who has seen anything and so every time I get on an airplane I still feel like it's a little magic. My parents think I am silly and remind me they took me to California and Mexico when I was a teenager and that I am not from a barn but you know, I guess I always felt smalltown. Truth is I am smalltown, even in Los Angeles, because it's just a part of me. Maybe that's why traveling never gets old.
And so I arrived at Heathrow and went to use the facilities which is why my very first official picture in London was this:
Pictures in airport bathrooms. God I am classy. Also, in America we call these "mints" but in British they say "chewable toothbrush" apparently.
Here is my hotel room:
Small but cute and clean, and I got a GREAT deal by using this website, LateRooms.com. I had never used the service before but now I can recommend it, at least for me it worked out perfectly.
This is the loo but it looks just like a bathroom to me....
Note to self. Turtleneck not flattering. But warm!
It was VERY COLD in this London place, which I thought I would like what with my already perfectly insulated body but even with a T-shirt, turtleneck sweater, gloves, coat and fabooscarf it was COLD! I was so happy to wear my enormous scarf that I didn't even care my nose was freezing off my face:
Me on the Millennium Bridge with St. Paul's in the background. Please ignore that I have not had a haircut or highlights in ten years. I blame it on traffic. Or something.
Saw the Globe as Shakespeare intended it... what light by yonder scaffolding breaks...
Had breakfast at Leon's where I got the most delicious yogurt I have ever eaten and it was covered in warm blackberry compote:
I wanted to bathe in it. I resisted.
Then I went to the very highlight for me, as I am an Art Geek Extraordinaire:
They had an amazing Rothko exhibit:
By the way, most of the museums in London are free and you just pay for entrance to the special exhibitions. I support that philosophy! Also you aren't really supposed to take pictures even without flash (which I suspected) but I had it firmly confirmed to me by a woman who sounded a lot like Scary Spice.
After the museum, I found an old church whose name I have already forgotten because I was jetlagged:
Then I walked around some more where I took pictures of only important things:
And finished up my trip with an awesome steak with garlic butter sauce and a bowl of fries, maybe my favorite meal combination. I had this meal at the Ebury Street Wine Bar & Restaurant which I did not make reservations at but they let me sit at the bar and chitchat with the bartender and the food was outstanding.
It was all in all a great, short, perfect trip. This is the third trip I have taken overseas by myself -- you know all about Rome which I blathered on incessantly for days and days and of course my whole travel obsession. That was the first trip alone and it was great. In April I went to France which I kind of kept all to myself, because some things in life are just for you, you know? And that trip was good and sometimes strange but I'm glad I did it. So far, this trip to London was by far both the shortest and the best solo traveling I have done.
It's been so long that I have traveled to any place that speaks my own language that I forgot how much easier it makes everything. I always work on my language skills a little before I travel someplace and I think I can order a beer now in about six languages, but there is a huge cushion of ease when you can turn to someone at the Underground station and ask, "Is this an off-peak day or a peak day?" and it's so nice to be able to chat with the waiter or ask anyone nearby for directions. It's less lonely, too, because you do have social interaction and not just "please" and "thank you" conversations. So if someone from here were to ask me where they should go on their first trip alone abroad, I might still say Paris (because it is so unbelievably beautiful) but depending on your level of comfort with traveling and being alone, a common language makes everything seem easier somehow. When you're alone and far from home it could make a difference. It all depends on the traveler, I think. I tend to never pick the easy solution but this time it really made a very short trip so much smoother.
I loved London, it was great and cold and I got to wear my scarf and drink wine and eat chips, which are not chips at all but look just like french fries. And now I have a fond reminder of my trip, which is the bruise on my leg which kind of resembles a Rothko actually. (I don't have to get amputated by the way -- I'm fine, as I suspected.) My only regret is that I didn't stay long enough to develop a fake British accent like Madonna.
Oh well, there's always next time!
Posted by laurie at 11:18 AM
December 02, 2008
Whoops! It's December already!
Hello, December! December, the month I wanted to spend writing each and every day and now it's only five hours into the second day of the month and already I have failed. AWESOME!! What shoes accompany failure, you think?
Yesterday I meant to write a very long chatty travelogue of my trip to London -- I spent Thanksgiving weekend over the pond with all those cute accents -- but today I am going in for some kind of special X-ray on my leg which is purple from pulling some muscle from some other thing and really, today it's so much more fun to tell you how I got this injury which will explain perhaps why I am not, nor will I ever be, a great athlete. Or even a bad one.
I injured myself by walking across the street.
Yes, folks! That is how I felt a pop -- just like the day I was running for the bus a week or two ago -- only this time I saw stars and wondered if I had somehow been shot while walking to the Victoria tube station. It was so strange. I was not kung-fu fighting, I wasn't doing pirate swaggers after three liters of wine, I wasn't even doing my ridiculously dorky laurieperydance which is a weird combo of the white-girl cabbage patch and the samba roll. No, it was just my fine talent for WALKING that caused a great bodily injury. Anyway I tried to ignore it and walk it off because vacation! Walk it off, soldier, we have art to see and french fries to eat! And then Sunday night when I got home from my 1,000 hour plane ride I took off my knee socks and noticed one leg looked as if it were still wearing a black and purple argyle sock. Boy that is so sexy!
So yesterday instead of writing I waited at my Doctor's office for fourteen hours while people around me coughed -- I hate the doctor's office, there are sick people everywhere! And tried to covertly clean the armchair I was sitting in with anti-bacterial wet wipes but people stared because they don't know the magic which is the travel-size antibacterial wet wipe, hence why they are COUGHING. But I didn't care that they caught me in mid-OCD form because they were sick! Germy! And I am perfectly well aside from having a bruise roughly the size of Rhode Island on my rapidly enlarging calf area.
Now today I get to have an ultrasound done because apparently I did not know how babies were made and my leg, as it turns out, is three months pregnant. Lord, all I can say is it is one ugly and painful baby. No really though, in all seriousness people, there is a greater reason for me writing about my leg. I need a much better story about my injury! One cannot hobble around with an elephantine purple left leg and explain it with a suave, "Oh, you know, I just hurt it when I was WALKING."
I am thinking that for the folks at work who are very business professional and always look so perfect in their pantyhose (while mine are riding down halfway between my knees and my crotch -- another story for another time perhaps) I will come up with a really good leg injury explanation story that involves bondage. No?
For random strangers maybe I'll say I was climbing over the gate to George Clooney's house and apparently the dogs and security team discourage it but isn't it funny how my bruise is kind of shaped like George Cloooney? Doesn't it look just like him? He loves me you know. I heard it from that time Elvis spoke to me.
For my friends, especially the ones who read this, let's pretend you don't already know about my natural grace and agility and let's assume I was injured during my rigorous training for the Ironman triathlon... again....
Tomorrow though, after they do all this great medical imaging and x-raying and ultrasounding and eventually tell me what I already know which is "Take two motrin and don't go ballroom dancing for a while," I plan to share with you my pictures of London including the best steak EVER and wax on and on about how the very best part of saving for a rainy day is having one in another city where everyone sounds so good with their swanky yummy accents. Travel is my favorite thing on earth.
But for now I'm going to drink coffee and come up with a way to work in a shark bite story explaining my limp. I'm certain it was very dangerous and exciting! he was a toothless shark, very rare in the English Channel, but he gummed my leg....
Posted by laurie at 05:30 AM
November 26, 2008
I love the smell of turkey in the morning...
The amount of busy-ness in my life is inversely proportional to the amount of writing I have been doing here online, which is a fancypants way of saying YA'LL I MIGHT NEED TO MOVE TO AN ASHRAM SOON.
DO THEY TAKE CATS? AND SHOES?
Anyway all the sudden it is up and Thanksgiving Eve! Which is very exciting because I love thinking about all the things I am thankful for and grateful for and in love with, such as:
1) Wine
2) The miraculous support of underwire
3) Deodorant
Oh you know I just being silly. Except deodorant -- so necessary. I am also in love with my family and my friends and my cats and my Jeep and the fact that I can joke finally without breaking into sobbing tears that my 401(k) is now a 101(k). I am also thankful for jokes because I'd sure be boring without them.
Speaking of people I love -- I got to see two of my beloved friends this weekend:
It's Kim and Astrologer Phyllis!
This picture was taken after I said, "Kim, Kim, Kim, Kim please tear your eyes away from your beloved iPhone, yes I know the iPhone is sexay, but please look up and smile..."
Heh heh. Kim loves her iPhone.
We met up with Kim's friend Sharon and we had a good time with the fine Reverend Dr. Michael doing a little singing and getting our Sunday on down at Agape. How much do I love Los Angeles, where a nice Southern Catholic gal, an Astrologer and two Jewish ladies can meet up for spiritual goodness and star-sightings at an L.A. church hotspot? Really now.
I love the singing part the best, nothing says Sunday to me like some good old-fashioned SANGIN'. You southerners know what I mean. When I was younger I used to attend this church down in Mississippi that could have doubled for a hotspot if it hadn't been Sunday morning. Also there was no bar. But there was a full brass band and a piano player that was ON FIRE and everyone dressed to the nines and they would stand when the spirit moved them and the energy and love in that little tiny place in the Delta stayed with me my whole life. I was the only crazyass white girl in attendance and no one ever made fun of me for glowing in the dark. Or for the fact that ya'll, I cannot carry a tune in a bucket. I am the most off-key individual you have ever met but I do it with great vigor and enthusiasm. Anyway, I'm not much for dogma and rules and of course just last week I tried to give an officer of the law a social disease WITH MY MIND, so I am no good through and through but Lord I do love some SANGIN' on a Sunday.
Here we are standing in line before services last weekend (people, I do not even stand in line for a good club!) and notice how I look like I am wrapped in a shroud:
It was cold. What can I say? Also, am I pale? Have I mentioned I was so sick earlier this month that me and "death on a cracker" were synonymous? Note to self: lipstick. EVERYWHERE.
Later we went for coffee and I got this great picture of Phyllis getting into her car, I love that bumpersticker:
That's how I feel too. Bless all of us! Even the turkeys, even the traffic cops, even the little kitty cats who just last night played hockey on my torso. I know this has been a trying time for so many people (see: 401K downgraded to 101K) but it's the blessings we don't buy that carry us over, like good friends and dirty jokes and the love you have inside you, even if sometimes it comes out off-key and you forget the words. I'm being mushy. Must be the weather.
Happy Thanksgiving Eve!
Posted by laurie at 09:58 AM
November 14, 2008
Still breathing, still not smelling anything
Well, I'm not dead, just croaky. I haven't been this sick in a long time. Yesterday I thought the teabags were undulating, so apparently it's affecting my vision as well.
I do have that sexy throaty voice thing going, where you think you sound like Kim Carnes singing "Bette Davis Eyes" but really you kind of sound like an eighty-nine-year-old male smoker. Tomato, tomahto.
I managed to soldier through most of the workweek but today I'm at home, padding around in my pajamas and making tea and trying to decide if 9 a.m. is too soon to go back to bed.
But I wanted to post this picture I took yesterday at the bus stop, I was standing there wondering if anyone could smell the Vicks Vap-o-Pub wafting off from my direction when I looked up and saw the most perfect little bird's nest:
Isn't that something? How do birds manage to create something so perfect and beautiful and round without the use of opposable thumbs? And it looks so fragile there, like a strong wind could blow it away. Today we have these gusty crazy typhphoon-level winds so I hope the bird's nest is OK. It made me want to put up signs warning people to be gentle near the tree. Usually that's a sure indicator that I'm sick... when I start tearing up and getting misty and maudlin over things like bird's nests and Kodak commercials and Bob's little meow.
Anyway, I plan to spend my weekend home with tea and cats and my favorite movies, do you think the cats want to watch "Gone With The Wind" for the five millionth time? We are gone with the wind, all of here in Los Angeles. We talk a big game about how we have no weather but while we don't get tornadoes and floods and ice storms we do get this crazyass wind that blows hot and dry and makes everthing crackle with static electricity.
Time to go back to bed. Have a good weekend! (She said, in a scratchy, deep voice..)
Posted by laurie at 07:53 AM
November 10, 2008
Shlumpy top tem list
Oh, I haven't made a list in a while. Mondays are perfect for lists, the first day of a new week which I am so far behind on life that it's still October in my mental calendar. I tried to say Top Ten List but it came out sounding like I was pinched by gnomes. I am having challenges.
1) Significant Reason My Nose Is Red
I have a hateful and insidious cold that started creeping up on me late Friday afternoon so that I could spend the entire weekend sniffling and lazy and trying to hide under the covers. I am nasal. My friend Corey at work is also sick so we are together tag-team-infecting the entire office slowly and with great sneezy precision.
2) Cats Have Very Small Brains
I like to think the cats are smart, perhaps even superior to mere mortals, well... except Bob. Anyway. My felines have a veritable buffet of kitty food in the kitchen: Kibble #1 "The Healthy Kibble" and Kibble #2 "The slightly less holistically balanced food, which they actually eat." And I give them a can of wet food to share in the morning. But they LOVE Greenies. They love Greenies so much that now anytime I open any bag at all in the kitchen they come running at the very sound of rustling and whine like a pack of very small, daft dogs.
I keep the dry kibble in little plastic cereal-pouring Tupperware containers because I have mad love for compact organizational plastic. Really, it's a sickness, my love of organizational doodads. But yesterday as I was crinkling the cat food bag to add fresh cat food to the plastic seal-tight container, of course the feline wolfpack came running in and stared at me with great existential angst.
And we were out of Greenies.
So -- just on the OFF off chance they might be appeased with a substitute -- I put some of the dry cat food that they already have in their bowl on a new plate like it was a pile of Greenies. But this time I poured it right from the crinkly cat food bag.
And they ate it with great fervor and happiness! So now I don't even have to give them Greenies, I just have to give them their own dry cat food -- but pour it out of the BAG, not from the Tupperware and put it on a plate and not in their bowl. Which for the record already contains the same exact food.
Cats. Go figure.
3. I fear this Top Ten List will end at three. Perhaps that is what Top Tem means?
A magical number, yes? So even though I was paltry and sneezy I did not let that change my Saturday shopping, Target and Whole Foods (where let us not forget I was remiss in buying Greenies.) Target has all the Christmas stuff out, great big aisles of sparkly lights and shiny ornaments and usually this is the time of year when I complain and say I am not ready for Christmas yet and could the holidays please call a therapist?
But this year I felt warm puddles of happiness for bright sparkly lights and happy snowflake ornaments made out of frosted glass.
Surely this must be a sign that all those sad years of wondering how I can avoid Christmas Carols and jingle-bell encrusted cheermongers are behind me. Maybe? I'm not saying that I just love the pathologically cheerful -- especially when I am in traffic or carrying around Rudolph's red nose right on my very face, such as at this moment! -- but I don't expect to see myself coiled up in lonesome under the tree while drinking Jack Daniels from a coffee cup again this year.
Not that there is anything wrong with that.
And the strangest thing of all is how you can feel vaguely nostalgic for something that wasn't even that good to begin with. I'm glad Christmas comes every year whether you like it or not. It gives you the chance to decorate new all over again, and make anything you want out of it.
Posted by laurie at 08:46 AM
November 07, 2008
Friday: I am either the Walrus or the Webmaster. Not sure.
Thank you for all the nice people who gently emailed me to remind me, OH YEAH! I have a sweepstakes open to win Drew's book!
Here is a very funny story for you. I spent a little time last weekend updating my anti-virus software and settings on my laptop, which is the same computer that has FTP access to get into my directories and make changes to things such as say... closing the sweepstakes.
And on Sunday when I went into my little laptop to close the sweepstakes, I noticed, OH NO. I can no longer FTP! All of this is very exciting to you, I am sure. Because I am using fancy words such as "FTP" and also at home I was using very many colorful and fancy cuss words. But because I am a genius, I did not connect the dots between the updated superdooper anti-everyone settings on my laptop and the FTP problem all week long! I just assumed my laptop was mad at me and trying to get a one-way pass to the dump. I have run diagnostics, uninstalled and re-installed FTP, used a different FTP client, all to no avail. Then one of the tech guys at work said, "Have you checked your firewall settings?" And I said, "Do I have a firewall?"
And then after some re-adjusting of the alleged firewall I got my access back! Which is awesome because I totally FIXED the problem! Nevermind that I also totally CREATED the problem. The greater achievement is that I could solve a problem created by such a clever technical wizard. Clearly.
Also, next laptop I am so getting a mac.
Congratulations to my three winners: Denise in Irvine, Karen from Virginia and Melissa from lovely Mississippi!
Have a great weekend everyone. Let me know if you need me to come fix ya'lls computers, OK?
Posted by laurie at 11:03 AM
November 01, 2008
Heavy stuff, man
Recently something really confusing happened.
It started out just fine. I got contacted by a reporter from a major women's magazine who told me she was doing a story about women (plural) who had given up dieting for their New Year's Resolutions. She'd read some of what I've written in the past on this and wanted to ask a few questions for her story, and that was fine with me. I've already covered most of that in public anyway (and you can read those columns here and here and here.) Interview requests like that are pretty commonplace -- a reporter is doing a story and sees something I wrote about the subject, they email me, I answer a few questions and they give brief mention to the book in the article. The reporter gets a story deadline met with good quotes and I get a book blurb. Win-win.
This particular reporter emailed me some questions, I answered and we were done. But then it all started to change. The reporter had more questions -- and her editor now wanted the story to focus just on me, and they wanted a photo shoot and all of this and suddenly the story was no longer about many women who decided to give up dieting as a New Year's Resolution, suddenly now it was about me and "body confidence" and ... I'm just not there yet. I'm still figuring this all out as I go! I'm not anybody's role model for body confidence. The story I originally agreed to help with turned into something else altogether. Suddenly it was all about my weight and the way I look and I became very uncomfortable with that kind of spotlight.
The reason I gave up on dieting is because it made me crazy. I was in a relationship with food that wasn't working, it was totally screwed up, and I was unhealthy and exhausted and I just could not go on one more diet. I knew I needed to make some serious changes in my lifestyle but I could not diet again. All I knew for sure was that I was recently divorced, alone, overweight, unhealthy and miserable and I made a life-shifting decision to get a handle on my insanity. I wanted to be healthy and strong for ME. I wanted to feel good. I'd been feeling bad for so long I didn't even remember what feeling good was like!
That's when I decided I would never diet again. Ever. Even if I had to stay heavy my whole life I was going to deal with it and figure out how to treat myself healthfully and with the same care I would give to a loved one no matter what I weighed. I'd spent most of my life waiting to be happy until I reached X size or X weight .... that had to stop. I've written about all that stuff before, none of that has changed.
It takes time to undo a lifetime of habits. It takes time to develop trust in yourself. I didn't even know what to eat those first few months -- I had been on a diet so long that I didn't even know what healthy food was! I only knew food as the enemy -- whatever it was, I shouldn't be eating it. In a twisted way, dieting makes you think food is bad and if you can just stop eating you'll be in top form. At that time I knew all about points and calories and carbs, but I had no idea what nutrients my body needed. I had never paid attention to how food made my body feel, only to the numbers on the scale (or, conversely, when I fell off-plan as I always did, I would carefully avoid the scale.) To un-do a lifetime of diet mentality I had to learn new stuff and learn to stop my crazy either-or dieting mindset -- you're either "good" or "bad" but never in-between! On-plan or failing miserable! Being healthy or falling off the wagon!
But there is no wagon. It all goes into the same body, this "good" and "bad" food. It's just food, it isn't the enemy. God it's taken me forever to work all this out. It's hard. If you have never struggled with your weight I might as well be talking to you about particle physics right now. But if you've ever been there, well, you know. You might even understand the dread and panic I felt at having a large national magazine turn a big spotlight on my body size.
I was happy to talk to a reporter about my no-dieting decision in the context of health and sanity and breaking out of the diet-binge cycle. However I was not at all prepared to be held up as some model of undieting, a body-confident woman! I'm not that woman. It felt like a lie. There were other things, too. I am not going to use my body to sell anything, but especially not my book. And above all of that, I don't want people scrutinizing my body's shape and size to decide if I have succeeded or failed in their opinion. The whole point of stepping outside my diet mentality was to stop evaluating my self worth based on the size of my ass.
Because I have finally learned this ONE thing for sure -- my self worth has nothing at all to do with the size of my ass! And neither does yours! A photo focuses only on the exterior and not on the inside stuff. Anyone can lose weight, believe me, but figuring out what your messy stuff is, figuring out how to live and breathe all on your own terms and trust that you will stop eating if you don't have a diet plan -- that's much harder than counting calories. It's risky. There might be REALLY MESSY STUFF inside you. You might not be a size six, ever. You might not trust yourself at first. But it was worth it to me to get messy and figure it out because thirty years of dieting did not fix my problems and something had to change.
I knew people would see my picture and think I failed, yet again, because I am not super skinny. And yet I am healthier and saner right now than I have ever been in my life. I eat really nutritious food, I'm learning to cook, I exercise, I quit smoking. I drink in moderation, I pack my own lunch, I take vitamins. These things sound so small but for me they are HUGE HUGE accomplishments! I don't care what other people think of my little successes, and I don't want diet tips from other people or scrutiny about my body. I didn't make these changes for other people, I did it for ME because I am worth living healthy. And my definition of healthy is not the same as someone else's. Weight and size and food are personal subjects and each person gets to decide what works best for them. But I'm not naive, I know what happens when it all gets reduced to a single snapshot. That kind of scrutiny is not healthy for me, not right now. Not ever.
So anyway, I agonized over that article for weeks and when there wasn't any more time to wait, I had to make a decision and then I just knew. I knew where the boundary was: I was happy to answer the reporter's final questions but I would not be sitting for a full-body photo shoot for anyone. Any story that requires a "ful-length image of the body" of the author is not the story for me. That is not who I am.
As soon as I said it out loud I felt enormous relief wash over me. Relief was followed rather quickly by that old familiar feeling of being a bad person letting everyone down -- letting down the nice reporter, the nice magazine people just trying to do their jobs, my rockstar publicist who had to run interference for me in the end, the five million (!!) possible readers I would miss out on to promote my book. But it was the right thing for me to do. Relief, but what a mess.
And my publicist Kim really was a rockstar. She understood before I even explained it. I knew it was risky to give up the opportunity to be featured in that magazine but it felt wrong, it felt too exposed, it felt like something I just wasn't ready to do. I couldn't let myself be reduced down to a single picture, not when it's all so private and personal and sensitive for me. My weight is not a photo op -- it's a lifetime of struggle. Kim explained it to the reporter, told her I was happy to participate in the interview but not ready to be a feature model, sorry, thank you, so sorry.
The magazine canceled the whole story.
All of this stuff, it's still new to me. I'm just a normal person living a normal flawed deeply weird and goofy life. I'm not used to having a spotlight shine anywhere near me, so I don't always know where it's OK to draw the lines. I've learned some of it through trial-and-error here on this website, and I have big areas of my life that are off-limits for content (I'll be the first to caution you that if your personal life becomes your content then you will eventually have no personal life.) It's important to protect your own privacy because we all need that space, we all need to keep parts of ourselves private and safe. And it really is OK to answer all a reporter's questions up and until the line of questioning becomes uncomfortable to you. It's OK to say no, even if it is awkward. Even if you feel a little bad for having to say no (of course it feels bad when you first start to say no -- it takes a long time to un-do all that smile and act nice training we get as young girls.)
While it's flattering and fun to have someone want to do interviews, it's also clear to me now that there is a fine line between promoting your work and selling out. But where is that line? How can you know until you brush up against it? I wanted those five million magazine readers to see the cover of my book! But this whole approach didn't feel right. Pick me apart for my writing, my comma splices, my crappy typing, my thinking, my corny self-helpy lovin' cat-hair-covered personality, but don't scrutinize my body and sum me up with a picture. I am not that girl.
This is all new, uncharted territory. I'm so grateful for the opportunities. And I'm aware that the missteps are bigger now, the chances riskier. The trickiest thing about all this is knowing there are people -- maybe even people on your own team -- who think you're crazy to pass up any kind of opportunity. But they aren't the girl in the picture. They aren't the ones who have to pass the check-out lane in the supermarket with their body on display. And how could I really live my own life if I were still saying yes when I want to say no?
So in conclusion: it was awkward, I did not handle it perfectly, I had mixed feelings, but I made a decision I felt was right for me and the world kept spinning on its axis. No one came to my house to repossess my cute shoes, no one called me to tell me I was a bad person, the cats still like me, my friends still talk to me, I still love writing and will do it forever even if no one ever buys another copy of my book. The magazine story got canceled, the world kept breathing, and I'm still here and I'm learning as I go.
It's OK, I'll take it.
Posted by laurie at 09:25 AM
October 31, 2008
Happy Halloween! Happy Clouds! Happy (free) crochet books!
Finally we have weather:
Look, it's a cloud!
It's very exciting. Clouds! Plus the temperature has dropped to at least 76 degrees and everyone is saying how fall-like and crisp and autumny it is. We are crazy. I love this city.
So guess what I have! Three copies of Drew's awesome new book, The Crochet Dude's Designs for Guys: 30 Projects Men Will Love
You can visit him in person TOMORROW and get a copy of his book at the awesome yarn shop Yarntopia in Katy, Texas. Or you can click right here and put your name in the hat for a free copy of his book! Winners announced Monday.
I hope everyone has a safe and scary-good Halloween. Now go forth and eat candy!
Posted by laurie at 10:08 AM
October 28, 2008
It's still a billion degrees, just in case you were wondering...
Congratulations to the six winners from my Misti Alpaca/Harmony wood knitting needles sweepstakes! Laina in Massachusetts won the yarn, and the winners of the five sets of needles were: Michelle in Illinois, Dahlia in California, Whitney in Virginia, M. in Arkansas and Emily in Michigan. I've sent emails to all the winners so if your name is here -- check your inbox! Thanks to everyone for entering so far and big BIG thanks to Allison at SuperCrafty.com for providing the yummy Misti Alpaca for the giveaway and to all the folks at KnitPicks.com for providing the gorgeous Harmony Wood knitting needles.
I meant to announce all this earlier today but forgot I would be at the dentist this morning. Not that the dentist itself as a morning isn't bad enough but let me tell you about AWKWARD ... because if there is a way to take something to the next level of Awkward, I am your girl. I am the one who got her eyebrows waxed the day BEFORE a job interview once. I looked like my eyebrows had a social disease. I am all about the awkward.
ANYWAY. Mr. X and I used to go to the same dentist, who I still go to. I just assumed that after spending an arm and a leg and someone else's arm and leg on credit to get once-and-for-all dissolutioned in a court of law, it would be OBVIOUS that he would have to change dentists. DUH! It would be the only right thing to do especially what with the "one of us got remarried one month after the divorce was final and I will let you decide which one of us it was."
So there I am after getting my teeth cleaned at the dentist's office this morning waiting for the dentist to come in and poke around and scold me because I need a filling. And imagine my surprise when my friend Mindy -- the receptionist at the dentist's office -- walks in instead of Dr. Dentist and says, "Um, Hi! I rebooked you for Thursday for your filling and you can talk to the dentist then and you might want to leave RIGHTNOW, REALLY." And that is when I discovered le ex-hubby was on his way in for a cleaning at MY dentist! MINE!! I am not sure if he read between the lines of the fine print on the divorce papers but I am pretty sure it said he got a new wife, I got the cats and the DENTIST.
So I fled the scene of the fluoride. It has been quite a morning I tell you what.
Posted by laurie at 12:00 PM
October 27, 2008
Sweepstakes, complaining and TV
Since it's Monday and that seems like a harmonious day to keep things open, not closed, I decided to keep the giveaway alive for one more day. You can still enter to win right here >
Thanks to everyone for entering so far and thanks to Allison at SuperCrafty.com for providing the yarn for the giveaway and to all the folks at KnitPicks.com for providing the knitting needles.
- - -
Because I am a total Her Nerdsalot, I have my homepage set to weather.com and not just any weather.com but the personalized version where I have my city set plus my weather watch list so I can see not just the weather in the Valley but downtown, too! And keep an eye on the weather of Paris and Madrid and a few other places because.. I need to know. I am a little obsessed with weather (Fun fact! I was the weathergirl at my college's TV station. Yup. I wore a lot of hairspray and talked about ridges of high pressure like I knew. Like I KNEW.) So with all my nerdiness I am well aware that other parts of this great nation are getting SNOWED UPON and it is cold somewhere but here in Sunny Hell we're experiencing mild to scorching temperatures, all in a few hours' time span. It's cold in the morning, pleasant at 9:42 a.m. and then the rest of the day it's 95 degrees.
I understand that October is usually warm, but it is now October 27th, and that is practically November. Dear Mother Nature, please get the memo! I have hand-knit scarves to wear! Also, my admission of college-TV-weathergirl guilt should explain my fascination with the weather. No?
- - -
The best invention for the innernet besides pictures of cats in sweaters and Google maps is that you can now watch TV online! Free! I have mentioned hulu.com before, which is great except I got lots of complaints from people who said they couldn't see it outside the U.S., I don't know why they were complaining to ME since I can't fix the innernet or the weather because if I could you know it would be 72 degrees in Los Angeles today, but anyway. I recently discovered you can also watch full-length episodes of ABC shows on abc.com.
Instead of taking on new TV I've had to declutter my life of shows ... it was either that or stop sleeping. I have super limited TV viewing time so I've had to cut out more and more TV until my little Tivo Season Pass list looked just lonely. I think it was down to Oprah and The Closer. But even though I had to cut out Survivor and every CSI (that alone was four hours of TV a week) I did decide last year to Tivo two new shows -- New Amsterdam and Women's Murder Club, both of which were almost immediately canceled.
I am kind of the death knell for new TV, it seems. Whoops.
This year I was mad at TV and decided not to watch anything new, at all, the end, and then I saw promos for a show called "Life on Mars" which looked just funky enough to be intriguing. So I watched the first episode but forgot to Tivo the second one. That is how I ended up watching it online at abc.com. Cool! Now I added it to my season passes which I am sure means the show will be canceled in about a week if it isn't being canceled as I write this very sentence.
- - -
The Dictator atop her throne.
Throne is looking a little rough around the edges...
Posted by laurie at 08:44 AM
October 20, 2008
It's getting spookier and spidier!
The extent of my outdoor Halloween decor are my two pumpkins. My neighbors have entire crypts emerging from their bougainvilleas, but me ... I'm more of a Halloween minimalist. Not my friend Faith. My friend Faith is the Martha Stewart of death and decay. She isn't satisfied with buying a couple of pre-made Halloween decorations. Nosiree bob! She is instead wrapping her house in a giant spiderweb, hand-making a wreath out of green ghouly fun fur and googly eyes and building headstones out of some kind of foam material, primer and fleckstone paint.
First we put up some fencing in the front to map out the boundaries of the spookiness...
(Those few headstones are just what was left over from last year, she is no where even close to done. NOT EVEN.)
On Saturday I got the job of priming the "headstones" with grey latex paint ...
Then the VERY best part was picking out sayings to put on headstones while we were waiting for the paint to dry. Faith found these puffy stick-on letters at some craft store and after we picked out sayings she was going to paint the letters all black and stick them on the headstones. (I -- awesome friend that I am -- totally left before more painting could commence.)
WE ARE SO CLEVER!!!! WE CRACKED OURSELVES UP!!
Here was my favorite, I BELIEVED I HAD BEEN HIT BY A BOLT OF FUNNY:
Can you tell that one of us works in the financial industry????
I had to leave and run some errands before I got to see the finished results. While I was out I caved and bought something totally non-essential and yet, SO SO essential for the Halloweenie cats, a big hairy bendy spider!!! I got it into the house and within ten seconds it was suddenly better than a pile of catnip-laced bacon:
Soba immediately went underneath the spider. One can only assume she thought the scary spider was her mothership and she was ready to be teleported away from all of the cats in this crazy house. The other two sniffed until they determined the spider was not edible and then they attacked. Frankie pulled out her ninja "sit on it until the threat is neutralized" move:
And a good time was had by all!
Posted by laurie at 09:02 AM
October 17, 2008
Help for the hatless, and other Q & As
I love you. I mean you -- the people who emailed me to tell me that my main man Dallas Raines was a Jeopardy question!
Reader Misty writes:
Your beloved Mr. Raines was a Jeopardy clue recently! Just click on this link and scroll down to Double Jeopardy round, under "Nominative Determinism" ...
I feel that my mission here on earth is complete, as people across the country were able to shout "Dallas Raines!!" at their TV set during Jeopardy thanks to me and my love of The Tan One. The Universe may want other people to solve world peace or eliminate visible panty lines or restore confidence in our government, but apparently all I had to do was be slightly enamored of the weather guy. Mission accomplished, Universe!
Also, Dear Fall ... it's me Margaret. I mean me, Laurie. Hi! Are you planning to come to Los Angeles this year? Just checking. Thanks.
- - - -
So I did manage to get Frankie off the treadmill yesterday and into the kitchen with the lure of canned food. She loves me but she loves smelly food from a can a whole lot more. Thanks for all the nice notes about personal safety and wow, there sure are a lot of you out there who have had similar experiences like my Thursday creepies! Guess I am not the only woman out there who has had to tune into her instincts. I thought reader Cathryn said it so well:
There have been times my instincts have pinged at me, and I listened. Good thing. It feels like a fingernail pinging a Waterford goblet.
Indeed!
- - -
A few folks have asked how I am coming on my Misti Alpaca scarf -- I will have you know that I have made exactly 0.0000% progress on ripping out the offensive portion. I need some quiet time alone with the yarn and I haven't had that yet. So for my commute-time project this week I switched to another half-completed scarf I've been meaning to finish up for approximately 1,000 years and I should be done with that messy stripey thing by my bus ride home tonight. It's also got alpaca in it and wow, it sheds. But it's so soft!
Anyway, I plan to revisit my Misti Alpaca scarf over the weekend, and next week I will not only be giving away a few sets of those beautiful Knit Picks Harmony wood needles but Allison at SuperCrafty.com will be gifting one lucky reader three fluffy skeins of Misti Alpaca for their very own winter yummy project! Stay tuned. Freebies are good.
- - -
Reader Hailey wrote:
Please, Ms. CrazyAuntPurl, help me! I'm knitting my first hat, and have run into a bit of a pickle. I'm not using a pattern, you see, and I can't find one that matches my yarn. I'm using some Blue Sky Alpaca Dyed Cotton, and my gauge is around 4 stitches per inch. I don't know what to use for the decreasing! Your Roll Brim Hat recipe is quite helpful, but I don't know what to do. Can you help me?
I'm going to have to make some assumptions here, since you didn't mention how big your head is! Let's say you are knitting this for an adult with an average-sized head. I like to guesstimate about 20 or 21 inches in circumference for a regular noggin, let's use 20 inches for this example.
If you gauge is 4 stitches per inch, then you multiply 4 (stitches per inch) by 20 inches (circumference of hat) to get a cast on amount of 80 stitches.
That's:
(stitches per inch) X (size of head in inches) = (number of cast-on-stitches.)
If you had a different gauge or circumference measurement and ended up with an odd number for your cast-on amount, just round down to the nearest even number of stitches and cast on that amount. Decreasing works much better on an even number of stitches.
OK, so let's knit.
Cast on your 80 stitches. Knit in the round for about six or maybe seven inches, depending on how long you like your hats to be. Then you would begin decreasing. I wrote a very lengthy soliloquy on decreasing and you can read that here. It explains the reasoning (weird and strange as it may be) behind selecting your decrease number. But the simple answer is you have two options for decreasing on this hat.
Decrease Option 1:
On the first decrease row, decrease every 14 stitches on the first row.
Knit 14, knit two together. Continue for the entire first round.
On the next round, knit 13, knit 2 together. Repeat to end of round.
On the next round, knit 12, knit 2 together. Repeat to end of round.
And on and on.
OR!! Decrease Option 2:
You could decrease every eight stitches, if you want a faster decrease. I do this when I realize, whoopsy, I just knit seven inches of hat and need to decrease rightnow.
So you would knit 8, knit 2 together. Repeat to end of row.
Then knit 7, knit 2 together, repeat to end of row, and on and on.
But how the heck do you know what number to pick?
The math behind all of this decreasing stuff is very simple. Even a mathaphobe like myself can do it.
You need to find ONE number that divides into your cast on amount evenly with no wonky percentages left over. Because how can you decrease 6.7845673635809 stitches per row?
The formula is:
CastOnNumber ÷ SomeNumber(SN) = an even amount
THEN
SomeNumber(SN) - 2 = Your Decrease Amount
In the first example for your hat, here is my math:
80 ÷ 16 = 5 (5 is a solid number, that's good.)
Then 16 - 2 = 14. The number 14 is your decrease amount.
Knit 14, knit 2 together, knit 14, knit 2 together for the whole round.
In the second decrease example here is the math:
80 ÷ 10 = 8 (good, 8 is also a solid number).
Then 10 - 2 = 8.
So 8 becomes your first decrease amount.
Knit 8, knit 2 together, knit 8, knit 2 together for the whole round.
That's the math, yo. Now my brain hurts. Good luck and enjoy your roll-brim hat!
- - -
And finally, a photo of my little brother. You KNOW he is up to no good! Somewhere out there a shoe has just been chewed upon with great vigor...
What are YOU looking at?
Posted by laurie at 09:57 AM
October 15, 2008
Wednesday in the Valley of Fur
Lovely reader and friend Lucia alerted me to a picture she saw of our fires out here:
This image is by Mel Melcon of the Los Angeles Times and apparently it was reprinted in the Baltimore Sun. That's some view. Wow.
Faith's parents were told to evacuate late yesterday but now they're fine, their house is fine. My neighborhood is ashy but safe and well, too, and we all hope the winds will die down later today and this will all become past news, so yesterday like all that crazy Dow Jones stuff that happened way back in ... now, 2008. Yup.
In stressful times I find it's good to experiment with new smoothie combinations:
That's my banana-cherry-peach super yummy smoothie. The layers are from the bottom up:
3/4 cup kefir (or yogurt)
1 tbs or so flax oil
1 scoop of protein powder
1 tbs psyllium husks (much less if you don't eat a lot of fiber!!)
1 large banana or 2 small ones
a few frozen cherries
some frozen peaches
Blend and enjoy. OMG SO GOOD. Really though -- start small on the psyllium husks because there's fiber in them thar hills and you don't want to be caught up a creek without a port-o-potty if you aren't used to having fiber in your diet. TAKE IT FROM SOMEONE WHO KNOWS THIS FOR SURE.
In news unrelated to fiber, I had to buy a new blender a few months ago -- not because I over-smoothied but because I got lazy one day and tried to chop an onion in the blender. A big chunk of it got stuck under the blades and it wouldn't turn and some dumbass at the controls kept hitting the pulse button. In other news, I am a really great chef!! Who blends onions!! So I totally broke the blender, it was a sad day. Then it was a happy day because I got to go shopping, as a blender is VERY necessary in my house, and I found this Oster retro-looking machine on sale for a good price. It's so loud, though, every time I use it I wonder if my kitchen is about to take flight.
This week I have been using my loud blender very early in the morning hoping to punish my neighbors for playing loudass Ranchero music ALL DAY Saturday until late-late on Saturday night. Eight hours of Ranchero music at full volume will make your brain runny. I think that instead of invading other countries we should just play very loud Ranchero music into their dens of terrorism until they surrender, finally beaten and bedraggled by the polka undertones and begging for chips and guacamole. I don't know why our guv'ment hasn't thought of it already. We could probably quell terrorism with creative speaker placement.
Clearly I am not only an awesome chef but also totally ready to run the guv'ment.
I had Monday off work for Columbus Day (in 1492 Columbus sailed the ocean blue, in 1495 Columbus did a jumpin' jive...) and I was glued to the TV watching Fire Coverage! Breaking Fire news!! all day so I decided midday to remove my butt from the groove on the sofa and do something productive, anything, and the only comforting thing to do was eat. So I made this yummy Swiss Chard Gratin recipe from the New York Times.
I can't tell if the picture looks gross or not since I already tasted the gratin and it is really tasty. The only changes I made to the recipe were that I did not use breadcrumbs and I skipped the whole blanching/boiling/put-in-cold-water step and just added the chopped up Swiss chard to the onions/red peppers/stalks mixture cooking in the pan and let it cook that way before baking it. Because in addition to trying to chop onions in the blender (!!) I am lazy in all ways, like pre-cooking Swiss chard.
OH! And I also added more than the 1/2 cup Arborio rice called for and I have a very good reason why. See, I have never purchased Arborio rice before or cooked it. And in fact the longer I thought about it I became certain I have never even tasted risotto, which is made from Arborio rice, since every time I see it on the menu somewhere I think, "Meh, it's rice... I'd rather have fettuccine." You see, I only cook and eat brown rice at home so while it is nutritious and filling and fine, it's not exactly fettuccine alfredo you know. It's .. rice.
But I was wrong, I was mistaken, I was DELUSIONAL.
Arborio rice is a whole 'nother story. The package I bought for this recipe only had cooking instructions for risotto on the bag so I didn't even know how to cook it plain -- I just cooked it in a 2:1 ratio like you do with my staple brown rice, 1 cup of rice in 2 cups of water. I figured if I screwed it up the world would still spin in its axis and I'd have plenty left in the bag to experiment with. It's just rice, right?
After cooking a cup of rice in plain boring water for about 15-16 minutes, I grabbed a fork and tasted it to see if it was done yet. Can I just confess to ya'll that I could have scrapped the entire Swiss Chard casserole effort and stood there in the kitchen with a fork and eaten that entire pot of Arborio rice? (And I probably would have ... except I'd just spent 45 minutes chopping onions and bell pepper and Swiss Chard into tiny pieces.) That rice tasted like the carbiest, yummiest, gooiest pot of goodness EVER. Now I understand risotto. It's not just rice, it's like the smooshy insides of a loaf of white bread. It's delicious.
I can't imagine how good some butter and olive oil and all the other risotto fixins would be on the already fluffy gooey dreamy awesomeness that is Arborio rice. I ended up adding the whole cooked amount of rice to the gratin recipe or else I really would have eaten it all in one setting and rolled back to the sofa nevermore fitting into any jeans at all ever again, the end.
So I cooked my little Swiss Chard gratin and it was good, but I will admit to having dreams of creamy risottos of my future, a plan which I will make into reality as soon as I get another day off work. Because who needs to wear jeans anyway? I can probably rock the muumuu. MuMu? Moomoo? How about caftan -- I know I can rock that too. There is nothing sexier than a woman with a herd of felines wearing a caftan and brandishing a pot of risotto!!!!
I am serious about the risotto, people. I never kid about carbs.
This is how Frankie sleeps sometimes. IT KILLS ME. She's posing even in her sleep. The cuteness is unbearable.
- - -
Thanks for the emails but the website isn't broken -- all comments are currently closed. Have a great day!
Posted by laurie at 08:43 AM
October 14, 2008
Smoke in my eyes, lotion on my hands
This morning I drove into work and as I pulled out of the neighborhood, there were folks out watering down their rooftops. I wondered to myself, do I have the right shoes for that? And how does one get on the rooftop, anyway?
But we're not in danger right now, I hope, I think, the fire is burning quite a bit north of me and right now I just have ash and the smell of smoke everywhere.
New Jersey came in this morning as another co-worker and I were talking about the fires and he said, "Oh man, I know! I woke up yesterday morning and I smelled smoke and I thought my apartment [in Santa Monica, FAR from the fires] was on fire. I don't even light candles that often! So I looked around everywhere and since it wasn't my apartment I figured it was someone else's, so I went to be a hero and I sniffed door-to-door looking for the fire, but I couldn't find it. So then I went to breakfast and the air everywhere smelled like smoke! So I finally had to ask someone. They said it was off somewhere far away, in a valley."
"Um, it's in THE Valley," I said. "The one we live in..." I pointed to me and my other Valley-livin' co-worker.
"Oh, so can you smell smoke there too?"
"I have ash an inch deep on my yard. It's a little smokey," I said.
"My sister and her kids evacuated and they're at my house, for now anyway," said Co-worker.
"Whoa," said New Jersey. "That's crazy!"
"Well, it's fire season," I said.
"You have a FIRE SEASON?"
"You live here now, WE have a fire season. We're in it," I said.
"This place is crazy," he said. "But hey, at least it never rains."
And we still didn't tell him that it will rain, one day, when he least expects it.
Of course, it sure would be nice if it rained today. I really do not have the right shoes for rooftop-climbing!
Let's all just close our eyes and think of catnip.
- - -
Um, so! I am apparently a little crazy and stressed out right now. Understandable, I think, but I've realized through trial and error and possibly hiding under my desk that I am not in a happy, balanced place to accept cheerful critique at this time so comments are closed for now. I really appreciate the understanding. I just need a little quiet time. I'm sure I will pull it all together again very soon. It may involve shoe shopping, this "pulling it all together." Who's to say.
Posted by laurie at 09:13 AM
October 03, 2008
As Kermit would say, Green is Beautiful
Mmmm, Fridays are dee-licious!
Today is a good day for a give-away! Today twenty (!!!) lucky folks will receive a copy of Julie Gabriel's The Green Beauty Guide: Your Essential Resource to Organic and Natural Skin Care, Hair Care, Makeup, and Fragrances
I'm sorry this is another one of those post-in-the-comments drawings, those are just easier for me on short notice and I am either lazy or on a very overscheduled schedule, but just post in the comments if you want to be entered to win a copy of this book. And a BIG HUGE thank you to my friend and publicist Kim Weiss, who I emailed asking if she'd want to give up a few free copies of this book (I was thinking ya'll would like it) and here I was expecting maybe one or two free copies and she offered up TWENTY! So thank you, Kim!
Also it is Friday and it is going to be thirty degrees cooler today than just two days ago and I am so happy, they ("The U.S. Department of They") are even saying it might rain on Saturday and if I am being totally honest Your Honer YES, YES I was just a little tiny bit disappointed that it wouldn't be maybe-raining on a weekday so I could hear poor New Jersey talk about how THIS CITY IS INSANE and also LEARN TO DRIVE YOU CRAZY CALIFORNIA. Luckily the weather forecast is usually wrong so... you never know...
- - -
Update: Thank you everyone for your happy responses! Comments are closed now, but I will randomly draw 20 winners and alert you via email. Thanks everyone and have a great weekend!!
Posted by laurie at 09:22 AM | Comments (444)
October 01, 2008
Bonjour October!
Thanks to everyone who chimed in yesterday for a copy of The Reincarnationist
And there will be even mo' better blues... I mean giveaways,.... coming to this here website very soon and they are knitting related. Hooray for knitting in volatile times!
Speaking of both, I finished this super-simple garter stitch scarf over the weekend:
I made this using two skeins (I think it was two although it may have been three) of the JoAnn's "Sensations" brand yarn called "Licorice" in the red color. I love this yarn, and I used it on one of my big chunky beret patterns. I cast on 25 stitches on a size 13 needle and went to garter town. This yarn has so much texture already that it turned out really funky and thick. I made it wider than usual, sometimes a simple scarf done on a much larger scale is a real piece of work!
Right now I'm trying to decide what kind of fabulicious scarf I want to make out of this:
That's GORGEOUS Misti Alpaca chunky from SuperCrafty.com and I actually spent part of my Saturday winding four hanks of this into little center-pull balls. As far as I know I have not suffered a head injury yet I chose to do this activity all the same. I'll have to check with my parents and see if they dropped me as a child...
This yarn is so soft, I have a feeling it will become my most favorite scarf ever. But I'm not sure what pattern I want to use for it. I thought of doing a seed stitch or modified seed stitch but now I've decided I really just want a big wide seed stich border but I want the body of the scarf to be a different kind of pattern. Have any suggestions? I think I have some time to decide, seeing as it's still over 100 degrees out here in Swelterville. I understand that by admitting I live in the armpit of the scorching bubbling core of hell several readers will immediately ask me WHY I need an alpaca scarf. And to that I say, let us use logic, shall we? For example, YOU only have two feet -- why do YOU need more than one pair of shoes? That is logic right there, if only you sort of look at it from the glass half full of wine perspective, e pluribus unum, etc. INDEED. Also I do plan to travel to cold places ... like Santa Monica. And maybe Malibu. heh.
Finally, I have decided to wait and see on the Rosetta Stone. Realistically I can't see myself spending even more time in front of the computer than I already do without getting up even earlier in the morning and if I do that I'll be getting up about ten minutes after I go to sleep. Besides I'm not moving to a new country poste haste, at least not as far as I know, but it's a weird time out there folks. Who knows. Do they have a stable economy in Greenland? I hear I can wear handknits there. So, instead of running out to buy the Rosetta Stone I'm listening to my Pimsleur language recordings on my ipod, which is working well and I can combine it with my commute, always a good thing.
And Finally number two, the REAL Finally, I was trying to take a picture of my bookshelf for a thing I am writing in which I actually answer email (Hell-- freezing over??) (No, not according to Dallas Raines, sadly) and then I saw Sobakowa looking cute, so I was trying to take her picture and as usual Miss Frankiepants had to be the center of attention. This picture turned out so funny I might frame it:
If Soba were a person, she'd be really dangerous.
Posted by laurie at 09:09 AM | Comments (90)
September 30, 2008
The Reincarnationist finds new life... in paperback
You have no idea how much I amused myself with that little title!
So last fall I got the chance to have dinner with M.J. Rose and quiz her endlessly about one of her books that I'd just read, The Reincarnationist
Now the book is out in paperback and two lucky duck readers will each receive a copy! Post something to let me know to put your name in the hat and I'll choose two winners at random. Enjoy!!!
Comments are closed now, thanks everyone!
Posted by laurie at 08:28 AM | Comments (364)
September 23, 2008
Grapes for breakfast
I don't usually capture Dapper Dallas Raines in a flattering pose, so here is he being all official and AMS certified.
And this has nothing at all to do with Dallas Raines or the weather, but have any of you tried the Rosetta Stone
Speaking of foreign, which reminds me of traveling, I get the Magellan's catalog in the mail and I love it, it's totally like porn for the travel-bitten.
I think these little shampoo sheets and conditioner sheets would be perfect if you're traveling with just a carry-on bag (damn you stupid liquid restrictions!)
Then there are the magical packing cubes, best invention ever for packing a suitcase:
Notice on the left that little gadget for weighing your luggage. That would have come in handy on the trip when I got charged an overweight fee for my bag. Whoops.
And since we're on the subject of weight and all, I know I am not a very light packer, I come from a long line of people who do not pack light. It is our way. My older brother Guy travels with his own Italian espresso maker. It's very charming. My dad travels with both a gas grill and an even bigger gas grill, plus a backup grill ... just in case. One can never have too many options for grilling. My mom travels with a pair of shoes for each outfit. I myself don't leave home without my L'Occitaine almond body wash and enough reading material for an army.
But I absolutely draw the line at bringing along the kitchen sink OR the bathroom scale:
I don't WANT to take my "conscience" along, that's negates the whole point of going on vacation! That is just crazytalk. I mean really now. One goes on vacation to avoid things such as root canals, boring commutes to work, meetings at 4 p.m. on Fridays and weighing oneself. Jeez louise.
Posted by laurie at 08:35 AM | Comments (79)
September 18, 2008
Busy crazy week! Send wine!
Not much going on here ... just the catastrophic meltdown of the banking industry. Innerestingly enough the catbox still needs to be cleaned daily. And how are you?
Also! I talked to Drew finally yesterday and he is fine and his house is fine mostly but as his corner of Houston is still without power, he cannot actually update his website or you know, do anything at all requiring electricity. And I learned from him that a semi-frozen Hot Pocket only takes five minutes to cook on the grill. Good to know!
Since Drew has no power and cannot view the innernets I will take this opportunity as his best friend to share with you the Drew I know and love best:
That's the man!
Posted by laurie at 09:06 AM | Comments (33)
September 16, 2008
Purty
My Uncle Skipper emailed me a picture of his Texas back yard:
OK I WANT TO GO THERE NOW. I love horses, I always have. Is there anyone else out there who was a horsey girl growing up, reading Misty of Chincoteague
Now of course my story contains this:
MAGICAL STACKING KITTENS.
Go figure.
Posted by laurie at 09:07 AM | Comments (113)
September 11, 2008
And the dalmation rides for free
A while back Faith and I were in Michael Levine's fabric store (BEST fabric store in all of the garment district, amazing, really) and I found this awesome, hilarious, unbelievable fabric of what appear to be ripped hot firemen in various states of undress:
Click for a huge image. HUGE. heh.
And I really thought we shouldn't let such a quality FIND go home with anyone else so I kept trying to think of things I could make with this hot fireman treasure trove, as it were.
"I could make pillowcases maybe," I said. "Except what would male visitors to my house think of that? Is that off-putting? To see a girl with a herd of cats and some smarmy pillowcases?"
"Oh my God you should make curtains," said Faith.
"You think?" I asked. "Because... really...?"
"YES," she said. "CURTAINS!"
And we laughed and I thought this was a pretty great idea. Then it struck me ...
"Oh you know what!" I said. "This will be my big experiment with The Secret!! I'll make these curtains out of HOT FIREMEN and I'll hang them in my house and I'll look at the every day like a ... like a curtainy VISION BOARD and I'll wait and let the law of attraction -- and I do mean attraction!! -- bring me the hot partially clothed fireman of my dreams!!"
Then we laughed. Because this was FUNNY in the middle of the fabric store, yammering on and on about naked firemen and self-help in the same sentence.
And then it kind of dawned on me and I remembered who I am.
"Oh Faith I can't make curtains out of this!" I said. "This is ME we are talking about and with my luck MY HOUSE WILL CATCH ON FIRE."
"Oh yeah," she said, knowledgeable about my brand of luck. "You're totally right. See if you can find some half-naked men handing over Lottery checks or something!"
Ah my friend Faith. Ever the optimist!
Be careful what you wish for....
Posted by laurie at 08:34 AM | Comments (106)
September 05, 2008
Hot town summer in the city! In September!
Hello, Dallas Raines, lookin' good my man!
It's going to be over 100 degrees again today. I know in my logical-thinking brain that this is just our weather, and September and October are usually our hottest moths of summer. But in my little "I want it to be THIS WAY" brain, I still think September should mean crisp autumn air and football games and new notebooks and a little bit of chill in the mornings, almost unexpected after the long summer. Tennessee has some of the best seasons of anywhere I ever lived, there is nothing like a September in Tennessee, and later as the leaves change and it's cool every morning you know winter is coming.
The best part about autumn used to be getting all your new school supplies. I LOVED that day. We'd go to the store and get what was on the list and then my parents would let me pick up one or two notebooks just for myself. I usually filled them all up before school even started. My favorites were the old black and white composition books because they were never actually required at any school I attended and therefore seemed somehow not childish at all, but they were harder to write in than spiral notebooks. I still haven't lost my addiction to spiral notebooks, I carry one with me everywhere I go. Lately I've found these plain spiral notebooks with a plastic cover, they're more durable and can endure banging around in my bag all day.
(There's also part of my shopping list and a recipe for cornbread of epicurious because my dad's recipe for cornbread is locked inside his mind and he didn't pick up the phone when I IMMEDIATELY needed to know what to buy at the store to make cornbread this weekend. I just need buttermilk and eggs, I think I have everything else at home. Including his recipe... somewhere.)
Yes, even though it is NOT autumn and NOT chilly and NOT crisp at all, I am still going to make cornbread this weekend and maybe some rice and beans. My repertoire in cooking is pretty limited but I'm trying to break out of my burned, crispy microwaveable box and try new things. I'm also trying to sneak healthy crap like Kale into my meals and it seems to cook down in stews, maybe I can mask it inside some black beans or something. When I take the time on the weekend to do some shopping & chopping and make something nutritious I feel so happy about it, and then I'm not struggling all week to find decent things to eat and I feel like I am at least making some effort toward my well-being. Because it's not like the treadmill is exactly running on its own you know:
Yeah, I thought that's how it worked, too!
Posted by laurie at 08:29 AM | Comments (86)
September 03, 2008
Word to your fiscal!
Doesn't "fiscal" sound like something you'd need antibiotics to cure?
September brings me to month four of Not Buying Stuff. Ya'll may remember my mid-year resolution to stop buying crap for the rest of the year? You may be wondering if I am through with my Bloomindale's DTs yet. Well, I still have a ways to go until January 1, 2009 but I think I am making progress in my desire to buy less stuff.
The main premise of the resolution was to have a break from consumerism and buy only essentials from June 1st to the end of 2008. I decided early on that gifts for other people were excluded, as they are essential and I love buying gifts. And then about mid-June I decided books were essential, too, because I love books! I need books. So that was my plan and I think I've done fairly well with some little blips along the way:
1) Magazines. DAMN YOU GLOSSY TEMPTRESSES. Early on in the summer I bought a couple of magazines at the grocery store without even thinking about it -- didn't even realize I'd gone off my non-essential lists until I got home. I believe this is what they call "shopping on autopilot." Since then I've only bought one magazine, bringing my addiction level to tolerable on the Saffir-Simpson scale.
2) Clothes. I underestimated the amount of work I have piled up before me at all times and simultaneously ignored my labyrinthine commute while also vastly overestimating the amount of free time in my life ... and ended up with no lovely handmade dresses to wear to any weddings (PLURAL) I had to attend this summer and had to buy something on my lunch break one day. It happens. Go judge silently to yourselves.
3) However, have solved this issue by declaring I will attend no more weddings for the next decade (!!!) unless it is a direct blood relative who I adore. Also, in unrelated news, I am SO DONE with weddings.
4) Replacement electronic devices. This one is an iffy category, because it was an unexpected (and sad-making) event in which my ipod and headphones were lost on the commuter bus never to be seen again. To many people an ipod is not an essential and I myself tried to rationalize not buying a replacement, deciding I would buy it for myself (again) as a Christmas present (AGAIN.) But after a few weeks of commuting without my beloved cocoon of headphones and ipod, I was about thisclose to killing every human who breathed on mass transit in Los Angeles county and decided that as long as I am sitting on some form of mass transportation for almost four hours a day, an electronic happy-making device is a FREAKING NECESSITY. So I bought another one. This time, though, I bought a refurb model from the Apple store and used my rewards card for the purchase so all is well that ends with me not killing anyone on the bus.
- - -
And that's about all the off-plan spending I've done since June 1st, which is pretty damn good. I don't feel like I've been missing out on anything, to be honest I don't think I realized just how much time I used to spend each weekend driving a shopping cart up and down every single aisle of Target. Now I go to Target about once every month for just basic household supplies and I don't buy anything off my list. I haven't been to the mall in a loooong while. It's good, it's giving me the extra time I need to read all those books I decided were essential!
So far, the main upsides of my decision are time and cash. I haven't been spending like crazy so my credit cards are happy things, not crazy-making anxiety-producing things, and I don't feel pressured to go out to the mall for this or run to Target for that or go to Macy's just because I got a 25% off coupon. (By the way, is Macy's ALWAYS on sale? Half my recycle bin is Macy's fliers!)
From now until the end of the year I want to make a few adjustments, especially since I can tell with my automotive intuition that my car is about to need a repair costing one million dollars. For one thing, I'd like to manage the rest of 2008 without a library fine. I mean really now. And lately I noticed I haven't been really aggressive with budgeting my grocery shopping but I'm going to try to be more conscious of that in the time remaining here in resolutionland.
The biggest thing I decided to change is lunch -- I'm going to bring my lunch to work every day for the rest of the year. There's just not any time or energy left in me at night to make lunch so it requires a bit of planning and forethought on my weekends, and usually I do OK but lately I've been busy on the weekends (or not even in town) and when I'm not prepared for brownbagging it I can rack up $40 in no time flat just on eating junk in the middle of the day. I know that if I bring my lunch every day I save money AND I eat healthier so I just have to commit to planning ahead each weekend. I made a red bean stew over the long weekend that I can take for lunch each day this week and you know, it has kale in it, so it's not as delectable and tasty as McDonald's french fries but it's not half bad either especially with a big dose of hot sauce. Plus I averaged it out and this stew cost me about eighty cents a serving. NOT BAD.
Also, I made STEW people. That required COOKING.
So my summer of no-spend has gone along fairly well, with fall and winter still to come. When things feel crazy and out of control and unstable, it always feels good to establish a zone of control and for me it's easiest in the arena of finances. I've discovered through trial and error that the number one way to get on top of things is just to stop spending, even if it's just for one week. You can always use a budget (like my excel budget template) to track your spending and your income and see what's left over or where you need to cut back. But the quickest and easiest way I've found to get a handle on it is just to stop buying stuff, immediately. It's always nice to feel in control of the ol' fiscal health, and I didn't even need to see the doctor for it!
Posted by laurie at 08:48 AM | Comments (73)
September 02, 2008
Back to life, back to reality (I am certain I have used that title before, but hey, I like recycling!)
Long weekends with a Monday holiday have the added benefit of making the following workweek shorter and ... curlier?
They seemed to go together.
Here are the astonishing goings on at my house of late:
1. I COOKED. Well, not really in the sense of "put things in pan and make meal" but I made HUMMUS which is practically cooking!
2. Except none of the ingredients had to be cooked by me.
3. Not important! HUMMUS is very appetizer-like, and therefore constitutes cookage! I opened the whole can of chickpeas entirely by myself, which means something.
4. Also, in tandem with my hummus-making, I single-handedly warded off all vampires for the weekend and probably whole ensuing week by adding not the required one but instead THREE whole cloves of garlic to the mixture because I thought maybe the recipe needed some "modification." Come here, let me breathe on you. It is lovely.
5. In addition to the cooking and elimination of all vampires in the metropolitan Valley region, I also made "crudites" which are not pronounced "cruddy tayes" like I thought (thanks, innernet!) and it turns out that these fancy -- probably French -- items are le carrot sticks, le cauliflower florets and le celery. I'm guessing with the hummus and the French vegetables I must be in Lebanon.
6. Bob eats carrot peels. This was discovered by me, Wildlife Researcher, this weekend as I apparently "cooked" my way to a big ol' kitchen mess. Begging the question ... how does one peel a carrot so badly that there are orange peels stuck on the fridge door?
7. Also, I drank wine. Possibly the reason for number 6, above.
In not-cooking news, today also marks the beginning of the back-to-school traffic season which my coworkers and I had mentioned to New Jersey a while back but he disregarded us and our paltry traffic wisdom and he just walked in demanding to know WHY PEOPLE DRIVE and WHY PEOPLE LIVE HERE and WHERE IS THE COFFEE.
He was a little flustered so we still didn't tell him about what happens when it rains....
Posted by laurie at 09:44 AM | Comments (70)
August 28, 2008
Have a nice long weekend!
Even though the long weekend is still two (long) days away, I'm taking off early from the innernets so I can devote more time to obsessing over the weather and wondering if I should buy a Sham-wow. My life, so fascinating!
Have a great Labor Day weekend! Comments are closed.
Posted by laurie at 09:00 AM | Comments (0)
August 25, 2008
Trees! Water! Chocolate!
Oh, Lake Tahoe is beautiful! Once you get there.
I'd never been to Lake Tahoe before. My mom keeps saying that I have been there ("We took you there when you were little!") but then I called my dad and he said, "I've never been to Lake Tahoe either. She must have gone there with some other guy and his little girl!" which made my mom throw a shoe at him. I heard it thud in the background. I love being a source of family harmony and togetherness.
But getting to Lake Tahoe involved me hauling myself onto an airplane that had PROPELLERS. And there was no upgrading to first class, unless first class was hidden in the cockpit and I can tell you without a doubt they were seriously not letting me in the cockpit. I could tell they had warm cookies in there, too, I could smell them. Or maybe it was phantom cookies, I do not know! What I also do not know is why on God's green earth does every single airplane trip I take seem to begin with leaving my house at four o'clock in the morning? WHY OH WHY. Vacations are supposed to be fun and not horrifying things you want to stab with your curling iron at four in the morning.
ANYWAY. So I made it to LAX at the earliest possible time that wasn't the day before and the airplane was this charade of a flying machine piloted by Rocky and Bullwinkle. With propellers. And I started having a miniature freak out (because really, how large a freak out can one muster up at the buttcrack of dawn?) thinking, "Oh crap! Is this one of the scary airplanes all those commenters mentioned where they weigh the passengers with their luggage? And if so can I claim my luggage weighs 125 pounds?" but all was well and no weighing was required. And I managed to not fall out of the plane or barf on the way or get arrested for pounding on the cockpit door and asking for an upgrade. Yay me!
Also, how awesome do you think it is to have to fly with me? On a scale of like, zero to minus zero?
SO finally we landed in Reno, destination of said exotic airplane, and I got into my Budget Rental car and drove to... someplace not Lake Tahoe. One would think that a large body of water smack in the middle of the map would be rather more easy to find and one would be wrong, if one were me.
Now I do not think most people go on road trips the way I do. Not that you would call driving from the airport in Reno, Nevada to South Lake Tahoe (also on the Nevada side!) any road trip of real meaning. HOWEVER, I have great powers, amazing powers, powers that can turn a simple "Turn left and get on the freeway then exit at so-and-so") into hours of exploration of new territories.
Once when I was married, Mr. X and I went on a trip to Norway. I think we were on our way to Lillehammer one day, or someplace, and I was driving this leg of the trip. Mr. X fell asleep in the passenger's seat and the day was so perfect, it was snowing lightly and I was listening to the radio and thinking about living in Norway and how nice that would be and imagining myself in all sorts of coats and possibly in this fantasy I was a spy and also taller -- not important -- and that is when I noticed we seemed, after many hours, to still not be in our destination. And also, the little flag hanging outside the gas station I had just passed seemed... faintly not Norwegian. So I drove on a little further and saw another flag and tried to conjure up my eighth grade recollection of the flags of the world because that last flag had seemed really, very Not-Norwegian.
And I pulled into a little market and got out the map and a few minutes later Mr. X woke up.
"Are we there already?" he asked. Yawned.
"Hey! Guess what! I have great news!" I said.
"Uh, ok?"
Because really, what kind of great news could I have after driving in the car all morning?
"So! Don't you think IKEA is awesome?" I asked. Rhetorically.
"Uh, yeah, sure." He was confused. "We're going to Ikea?" he said.
"No! EVEN BETTER! Guess where we are! Someplace you always wanted to go!"
"Oh man," he said. "Are we in freaking SWEDEN?"
By the way, I would like to point out for the record that was only the first time I accidentally ended up in Sweden. The second time I managed to get us to Sweden, which is apparently calling to me on some magnetic visceral level, was several years after the Norway-Sweden adventure. We were in a rental car at the airport in Copenhagen where IN MY DEFENSE the signs were totally not well-marked or even in existence, and I somehow did not get on the entrance to the freeway but instead ended up in the tunnel under the ocean connecting Denmark to Malmo, Sweden. And in case you weren't sure about this, the answer is No, you cannot flip a U-turn in an under-ocean tunnel! So we drove all the way to Sweden where we promptly paid our many fancy foreign dollars for the pleasure of taking the tunnel and the man in the nice toll booth handed us a convenient pre-printed map for getting back to Denmark (which, if you think about it, only CONFIRMS my story of poor and/or missing signage) and we turned around and went back to Denmark through the tunnel. Really now.
And see, just when I think I have shared all my safe-to-tell-in-public stories with you, I up and remember the story of how I accidentally managed to visit Sweden. TWICE. That is just awesome because who knows what-all kinds of stories I may have forgotten to tell you?
So. Where was I? Oh yes, driving around Nevada.
The guy at the desk of Budget Rental Car offered to upsell me a navigational device and I know -- really, I ALREADY KNOW -- how much people love these devices and claim they are the greatest things ever invented since Tivo and Light Beer. And I truly respect and honor your love of GPS navigation systems, I do! I, however, am old school and I prefer the good ol' tried-and-true method of using a paper map and getting a little detoured and depending on the kindness of strangers and my Pilgrim spirit. Also I'm just not very good at watching TV and driving at the same time, which is what those GPS things are like for me, moth to flame.
And there is a greater precedence at stake here, because if we have read any amount of cheesy spiritual selfhelpery AT ALL, don't we know by now that it is the JOURNEY which matters and not the destination? Aren't we supposed to adventure through life? (By the way, if you need some self-helpy platitudes twisted to justify your own crazyass quirks, just let me know! I'll be here all week, be sure to tip your waitress!)
Also, if we're being honest here, I like old-fashioned road maps! I love them. I feel it is my obligation to buy road maps and road atlases (atlasii?) so they will not become extinct one of these days, like phone books and movie times in the newspaper.
In other words, no, I did not get the GPS add-on and no, I am not the least bit sorry. Because had I been listening to some computer voice say, NO NO YOU IDIOT!! TURN BACK THERE!! I would never have seen this:
Giant weird statue!
Or this:
There's gold in them thar hills!
Or this:
Nature!
Ah, road trips.
My hotel room was beyond great, and I neglected to take any pictures of it. Room service was also fabulous and was what I needed to heal me and make me well and I also neglected to take pictures of that. I was too busy watching Saved By The Bell and re-toxing my body while lounging in the jacuzzi tub in my room which is also possibly the greatest invention ever, eclipsing both beer and Tivo.
I did actually leave the room at some point, where I bumped into these characters:
Drew and Maggie! What are you doing on my vacation? What a coincidence! Actually, I think you should always pick a mini-vacation spot by calling your friends and asking them where they're going on vacation and then just show up all, "Oh my God! What a weird surprise!"
I kept marveling at how blue the sky was in this land of "we don't have smog." Generally I prefer my air brown and crunchy because that's how I know I'm home. But there is something to be said for clean air and trees of the not-palm variety and beautiful mountains and pristine natural vistas that you can enjoy for hours and then remember peacefully from the comfort of your jacuzzi tub.
Mmmm. Jacuzzi tub.
Posted by laurie at 08:44 AM | Comments (89)
August 20, 2008
Mysteries of the deep....
Sometimes when it is dark and stormy and cold outside I like to pull out my knitting and curl up on the sofa and do nothing but drink warm beverages out of a cup that may or may not be laced with Calvados....
Wait! OH YEAH YA'LL. I live in the valley where it doesn't rain. Ever! Our new teammate here at Big Corporation, Inc. who as you will recall is from New Jersey (so I call him New Joisey, which for whatever reason doesn't amuse him but if we were below the Mason Dixon it would SO get laughs) (ANYWAY) poor New Jersey came in to work the other day and declared that he had not seen one drop of rain since he'd moved to this godforsaken city.
"Doesn't it ever rain here?" he asked.
"No," I said. "Until it does rain and then...."
"... and then what?" he asked.
"Uh, have you ever been to someplace where it never snows when it accidentally snows? And so people can't drive in it but try to anyway?"
"No," he said.
"Oh! I think my phone is ringing!"
And so I still haven't told him what happens here when it rains.
BUT IF IT DID ever get dark and stormy and below 85 degrees, I would probably dork out and watch a Tivo'd show off the History channel called ROGUE WAVES!!!!! Because that is exactly what I did the other night when I couldn't sleep and it was dark but not stormy and definitely not cold.
I sat right there and got my nerd on with the History Channel. And learned all about ROGUE WAVES!!!! Apparently for hundreds of years seamen (heh) would tell tall tales of bigass rogue waves hitting boats and coming from nowhere and yet nobody believed them. In fact, there was a whole period of time when ship captains were afraid to say they'd taken a rogue wave because people would think they were drunk. (Also, for the record, from now on if I have had too much to drink I am going to tell people I have taken on a rogue wave.)
But in time, as people evolved and got fancier and so on, mathematicians made whole gigantor math calculations and equations and quadrilaterals and biceps (can you tell who painted her nails with scented glitter polish during Algebra I?) and these mathematicians declared that rogue waves -- any wave of tremendous height of 100 feet or so -- could only occur once in every 10,000 years. Once in every 10,000 years! So they concluded that rogue waves do not really exist and seafarers were full of seacrap.
Then fast forward to the 1980s or maybe 1990s (all right, fine, I wasn't exactly taking notes) and a huge old wave hits an oil drilling platform in some cold northern sea and it was recorded by sonar or radar or somedar. The first measured rogue wave! And eventually satellites began to map the wave patterns of the earth's oceans and by now scientists seem to agree that rogue waves not only exist, they are way more frequent than scientists apparently ever dreamed in their wildest, wettest, roguest dreams.
Now that is something else. I love that science can 100% unequivocally say that a thing doesn't exist (or occurs once in every 10,000 years) and then one day that science is just debunked and all the math was wrong, wrong wrong and two cruiseships are hit by rogue waves in a 12-hour period. Because it means that A) I have yet another reason for saying I will never go on a cruise and B) there is still so much we don't know and any old thing could happen. In a good way! Like your diagnosis could be wrong or you could just magically spontaneously heal or you could experience something people think doesn't exist or money could actually grow on trees. Magic!
But the reason I feel compelled to share with you every gory and probably mistranslated detail of this really nerdy programming I enjoy is that They ("The U.S. Department of They") believe some of the mysterious disappearances of ships in the Bermuda Triangle might be attributed to rogue waves. Which reminded me ... OH YEAH! How come nobody ever talks about the Bermuda Triangle anymore?
When I was a kid the Bermuda Triangle was the it-girl of its day. It was the spooky, scary mysterious phenomenon that everyone talked about and there were movies about it and it was a really big deal! When the heck did the Bermuda Triangle go out of style? Was it right around the time we stopped wearing parachute pants and spending hours contouring our blusher? How did this go quietly into the night without my mourning its passing?
Also, wow. I really used to be all about the contouring blush. Three colors of blush to make your face look extra pink and ridiculous!
So, that is all I have to share today. I believe I have reached my nerdy maximum sharing limit for the day and will retreat back to my corner. My corner which is definitely NOT in the Bermuda Triangle and definitely not experiencing rain!
And also, sadly bereft of contouring blush in three magical, delicious shades of pink.
Posted by laurie at 08:42 AM | Comments (130)
August 19, 2008
Well, I declare!
This last half of August (which apparently began a week ago, in my mind) has turned out to be far busier than I expected. All sorts of exciting things have happened, like when the metal doodad holding down the thingamajig connecting the canvas top to my Jeep came undone ON THE FREEWAY so the top started peeling back as I was driving at nearly top speeds at 7:30 in the morning on a Saturday on my way to a weekend seminar. AWESOME!!! But I guess I had more commitment to the seminar than I expected because I freaked out only for a second then exited the freeway without hitting anyone (very good) and drove the rest of the way on side streets holding the canvas top that was flapping up with my bare hands. I arrived late and exhausted and dirty but I arrived, dammit!
Re: Dammit
Someone wrote me an email saying they couldn't like my book because of the "potty mouth bits" and to that I say, you should have met me before I had any readers, or before my parents got the website address and way before I got an editor! I was hellfire and trucker lips! Yummy!
Also:
I may stop reading email. Or perhaps I'll find someone to screen them all for me and just send me just the good ones. Actually that is a fabulous idea! Maybe my email screener can be named Raoul and wear little red bikini pants and bring me drinks with umbrellas in them! Oh, and read email too sometimes. Dammit.
SO. The seminar I attended on Saturday finished on Sunday and my whole weekend was spent on learnin' stuff. The Jeep problem was "solved" after Saturday's full-day seminar. I just used my time in the venue's parking garage wisely, while everyone else lined up to exit I removed the canvas that shaded me from the sun (sigh) and got out my handy duct tape to keep the metal doodad from flapping off. I have learned it is best to carry duct tape in the Jeep at all times as my car frequently likes to eject its parts when it gets tired of holding on to them.
There was no time to get it properly fixed on Sunday as I had MORE learnin' to do! There was this one guy I saw on Sunday sitting a few rows ahead of me and he was wearing shoes I couldn't get a picture of without being obviously, you know, weird and creepy ... but they were these suede saddle shoes we were all OBSESSED with my first year of college. Everyone and their brother (boys and girls alike!) wore these and we called them bucks. I do not know why. We wore those shoes with our Duckhead cut-offs and these striped Rugby shirts that were all the rage and our weird surferdude hair. Basically, for an entire year of college me and everyone I knew dressed like a gay preppy boy who'd been attacked by the L.L. Bean catalog. But when I saw that guy's shoes at the seminar I just melted a little on the inside because even though we may have been dorks we thought we were cool, and it made me feel all nostalgic and forgetty about my car problems.
The most traumatic thing that happened to me occurred yesterday morning when I woke up with the following song lyrics STUCK in my head:
Oh-kay, here's the situation! My parents went away on a week's vacation!
Not just those two lines, but the whole entire song. Now let's look at this objectively for a moment. I cannot remember my own cellphone number half the time, I forget birthdays, I have to park in the same place everyday or I can't find my car. Yet I know ALL THE LYRICS to "Parents Just Don't Understand," a song which has not been popular for two decades!! My brain cells are mutinous, 80s-loving nostalgic little creatures who really just want more wine and less stimulation. Bastards!!
Finally, here is my beauty supermodel Frankie:
She looked deep in thought, so I said, Hey Frankie! Why are you so pensive and ponder-y? And she said, First of all ponder-y is not a word. But since you asked, I am thinking about Frank.
Frank is a knitting buddy who makes amazing cakes and has a cute kid named Oliver and Frank has been in and out of the hospital a lot lately and is going through chemo and I guess Frankie was thinking about Frank. So if you get a chance today and want to leave happy cheerful getwellnessisms to Frank, this is his webpage. And I believe even the most delicate ears among us will agree or at least manage to look the other way when I proclaim loudly: SCREW CANCER!
Posted by laurie at 07:46 AM | Comments (111)
August 14, 2008
Horrifying
This morning I saw an article on SmarterTravel.com (one of my favorite travel websites) with a roundup of their reader responses to the question of whether or not an airline should charge heavy customers more for a seat.
Some of the comments were just unbelievable, so nasty.
"Make these people stand on the luggage scale, maybe a little humiliation will be incentive to start doing something about it."
Do cruel and self-righteous always go hand-in-hand? Isn't there ever a way to find solutions without being so mean and devoid of simple human compassion?
Even though I know from experience that comments are almost always a reflection of the person making the remark (and not a reflection of me, or you, or the subject matter) it's still disconcerting and sad and makes me ashamed for the state of us all. And even though I know people feel this way about heavy folks, and anyone not like them (color, religion, ethnicity, socio-economic status, fashion choices, whatever) it's still weird to hear it, see it in print.
Posted by laurie at 09:13 AM | Comments (141)
August 13, 2008
Lists and Happiness, a deligtful combination. Now with 100% more cat hair!
Lists are the stuff of life, my life anyway. I have lists on everything -- the discarded pages from my page-a-day calendar find their way into my bag when I scribble on the backside of a long-past day, a to-do list, a grocery list, ideas for something. Then there are post-it notes everywhere with my scribble, they're even stuck inside the pages of my spiral notebook which itself holds lists. There is a smaller notebook, too, yellow and fuzzy and it fits better in my handbag and was purchased specifically for holding my many lists and pen scratches.
Months ago my friend Courtney told me she was trying a new goal-setting list that's moving around the internet. It's called 101 Things To Do in 1001 Days, and was started on the website linked to the list. There's also a nice feature (handy for all sorts of things) that calculates your start date and end date if you plug in the days, scroll down this page and you'll find it. On that website you can get started on your own list and browse through the "101 Things" lists made by other folks, too. Sometimes browsing through the goals set by other people can be really inspiring -- or exhausting, depending on where you fall in the "harried and overworked" spectrum.
I love lists, I make them all the time for all sorts of things. I have New Year's Lists and Birthday Lists (my birthday is almost exactly halfway through a calendar year, so that works for me as a check-in on my year's goals) and above all this, I have my 100 Things To Do Before I Die list. I didn't think I would make up a 101 Things in 1001 Days list since my own personal system works fine for me.
Then a few days ago I was talking with Courtney and she mentioned the list again and I thought maybe I would just do it as an exercise. It took me a surprisingly long time to come up with a solid list of real, measurable tangible to-do's that fit my criteria -- I didn't include work-related tasks, and I kept my 101 Things to very specific, quantifiable items (instead of "become more physically fit" I have "Using the hand-held weights I already own which are currently holding down the coat closet floor in dust and darkness, lift weights while watching The Daily Show a few times a week.") But aside from that one (and maybe one other) there weren't many daily or logistical tasks on my list -- I already take vitamins, I already have a schedule that contains most of my obligations. What I needed was a little happy-goal list, not stuff I have to do but things I'd like to do/have/try so that I'm living, not just tasking.
Making this list was a good activity for me. I think all of us reach little plateaus in our lives where we're just listless, or restless, or uninspired, or exhausted maybe. All of the above? And it never hurts to just take some time out alone to make a list, a good list, one that refocuses your attention and makes your life feel more like a car you're driving (with a roadmap!) instead of feeling like you're an unwilling and lost passenger on a chicken bus dangling over the edge of a precipice.
Or hey, maybe that's just me.
Different things work for different people. (Also, "Me: Master of the obvious.") What works for me won't always work for you and what works for many people makes my head hurt. Even identical twins have differences and personality quirks (I know this from dating someone who was an identical twin and then meeting his brother. YIKES ALMIGHTY. Behold! Tell your twin about the healing powers of a bath!) But even though I logically know we're all different folks with different strokes (and bathing habits), I tried for a long time to be someone I wasn't because I thought I needed to be like other people. For example, I now know I can't multi-task but I spent years -- YEARS!!! -- trying to convince myself I could become a multi-tasker if only I had the right day planner or email system or gadget or whathaveyou. It did not work. I am not a multi-tasking individual. I am a single-focuser, with excellent attention to one thing at a time. I sure wish I could get my money back from all that crap I bought to help me multi-task, I could be single-tasking on a beach with that cash!
And I have finally learned and accepted that I am not an extrovert. I mistakenly believed for most of my life that I needed to get an A in comportment, play well with others, always smile and act nice and be sociable (even when I really want to be alone in bed with a good book). This display of attempted social gymnastics is exhausting for just about anyone but particularly lethal for an introvert. A couple of years ago -- before I understood what an introvert really was -- I found myself fielding a lot of "You should get out more..." comments from folks (always people and their well-meaning advice!). I acknowledged my my tendency to spend time alone and I made a concerted effort to get out more. I put it in my lists -- attend stuff! Do things! Go places where others congregate!
Through that experience I learned definitively that I am not a socially extroverted person. I also learned that I can hide in all sorts of ladies' rooms for very long periods of time and make rather fabulous origami toilet paper creations. I also learned that I sweat when I am nervous, I say weird things that make strangers think I need intensive in-patient therapy and I spill drinks. THAT IS SO AWESOME. A few weeks after my toilet paper origami ordeal, I read that a true introvert is usually defined as someone who gets their energy from being alone. Extroverts, on the other hand, commonly get their well of energy refueled from being around other people. NOW THAT MAKES SENSE. It is safe to exit the ladies room and go home and paint my toes in peace -- I'm an introvert! I am refueling my well of energy!
Still, I'm not sure I would ever figure anything out if it weren't for a list or a goal or a to-do item, even the ones that seem like failures get me somewhere. I now know I'm someone who can go on vacation alone and LOVE it, because I put it on a list one day and tried it. I know I really do not enjoy sushi and can cross that right off any future to-do lists forever. But (from the same bullet point) I discovered I adore well-made tempura, especially when they do whole vegetables like string beans and asparagus. And thanks to a list item of yore, I am VERY certain that I won't be getting that part of my body hotwaxed again, thankyouverymuch.
My new 101 Things list is still only partially done, I'm at #71 (though I have to admit most of my items are more short-term than 2.75 years, most are things I hope to cross off in a year's time or less.) It's been good to get my brain out of chicken-bus-passenger mode and into driver's seat mode. It was relaxing to take some time out and just be silent and make a long list of stuff: goals, things I want, things I hope for, things I would like. Places I may want to go, stuff I want to do or see or watch. Yarn I'd like to try, practicing my French, next year's vacation destinations.
And I do enjoy a good list! I hope you'll share some of your 101 Things, if you do decide to make it a goal of yours. I shared some of my 100 Things To Do Before I Die, but most of that list is private. I plan to update it this year, too, since some of my to-do's have changed, some have been crossed off and some just don't appeal to me anymore.
Lists. Is there anything more hopeful than a list? (Except maybe a cat?)
Posted by laurie at 09:21 AM | Comments (72)
August 11, 2008
Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start....
Nothing to say on this Monday morning. There is something happening inside the ziploc, but it might be a mad mess:
And this was on TV, in case you have the urge to quit your job and run off and study something new ... try bunions!
Mondays.
Posted by laurie at 08:55 AM | Comments (42)
August 08, 2008
Winner & have a good weekend
Later, it occurred to me that perhaps "hey-to" is one of my made up-isms and so it might only be southern by proxy. I am not sure what it means when I can't tell real words from my own made-up words. Perhaps it means I should go into the dictionary-writing business!
Congrats to reader Annie, lucky comment number 230, who won the Karin Slaughter books. They're both awesome books, I know you will enjoy them! Have a great weekend everyone and hey-to your mama. Word. Peace out, etc.
Posted by laurie at 04:45 PM | Comments (23)
Karin Slaughter, nice Georgia girl. (Plus win two signed books!)
There are three things you may or may not know about Karin Slaughter:
1) She is almost as short as I am. (Not nearly as wide.)
2) She is very kind, and back when I was trying to figure out things such as "Do you tip your author escort on tour?" (Answer: No, but a nice thank you is always appreciated...) and "Why is this not glamorous at all and in fact is the antithesis of glamorous?" (Answer: "Until you've had a nervous breakdown while on tour and had to be checked into a facility, it's still considered good publicity. Maybe even after the breakdown, depending on the book...") and anyway she let me ask her all kinds of silly and harebrained and wine-fueled questions and she was very gracious with her help and advice.
3) She has very sensitive skin, which I know not because I slobbered on her but because I offered to send her the only thing that kept me sane(ish) while traveling: Olay Daily Facials
Though I have been told if I come within 50 miles of someplace in Georgia the law will arrest me, etc. Something about an order of restraining? I never lived in Georgia so I don't know much about their quaint ways of welcoming you. In Louisiana we had a crawfish boil and in Texas you barbecued something big but apparently in the fabled land of Georgia they call they law. I have heard this also happened to Bobby Brown. That was his prerogative!
Anyway! Now you know all about Karin Slaughter. I should totally be her biographer or something with my thoroughness, especially since most of those details were about me. Not important! What is important is that I have not ONE but TWO awesome books signed by the woman who is almost as short as me, and very nice, and has strangers sending her facial products:
That's a hardback signed copy of FracturedPost a hey-to in the comments and I'll pick a winner late today. Have a great Friday!! ("Hey-to" means hello, greeting, name or whathaveyou. I am translating for those who are not country.) (Really now.)
I almost look taller here, also WOW I am a great photographer or what?
- - -
Thanks everyone, comments/giveaway closed!
Posted by laurie at 10:30 AM | Comments (238)
August 01, 2008
So NOW it is finally August first!
Really. Took you long enough to get here, August. Nice seeing you, fresh clean month.
Everyone loves the smell of freshly laundered months. And sheets.
Posted by laurie at 08:26 AM | Comments (51)
July 31, 2008
Are we there yet? Are we? When do we get there? Why aren't we there yet????
So I am not even going to lie when I tell you I woke up today relieved that The July Of My Discontent was over because ya'll, I need a break from the evil and also the mundane, the expensive, the nasty, the anxiety and "the zit that came to visit but never went home and might be moving in and building a subdivision."
That is what July has been.
But because of math and barometric pressure and the periodic table and also The Administration, July now has thirty-one days! Thirty-one! Like flavors, only they are all brown and taste like poop!
And even though I know tomorrow is August first, finally and also again August first which I mistakenly thought was today, oh the foolishness of the wee-minded, I am still cowering slightly in fear of what else this muckracking slaberdashery month will bring. So far this week alone we have had an earthquake, a tense very bad meeting, important emails met with TOTAL COMPLETE SILENCE, a fashion faux pas so ignorant I won't even go into details except trust me when I advise you that SCOTCH TAPE WILL NOT HOLD YOUR PANTS UP.
Anyway. That is all I have to say. I am ready for August now.
Again.
Posted by laurie at 07:03 AM | Comments (82)
July 23, 2008
I'll take ridiculous irony for $400, Alex.
Posted by laurie at 09:46 AM | Comments (85)
July 18, 2008
Friday in pictures
This explains why I haven't unpacked from last weekend's trip yet:
Frankie enjoys the new "toy."
I can't get enough Bob:
Bob has had enough of me, though:
Finally, the Friday bumper:
Have a great weekend!
Posted by laurie at 09:00 AM | Comments (53)
July 17, 2008
Hello is it weekend yet?
Congratulations to Natasha who won a signed copy of Chip St. Clair's memoir, THE BUTTERFLY GARDEN
And thanks to everyone for sharing their current reads and favorite books! I made quite a list of to-reads. I was surprised to see so many folks reading and loving Ken Follet's big ol' book, PILLARS OF THE EARTH
Also thanks to Elizabeth Sinnreich for posting about the upcoming Irène Némirovsky exhibition at the Museum of Jewish Heritage. You can read more about the museum and the upcoming exhibition at the museum's website.
Now I have a nice long list of books to read. That's the upside of commuting during the scorching hot summers here in Los Angeles. You can't bear to knit on the bus if it has no air conditioning and nowadays the buses are so crowded it's hard to knit anyway. Of course it never hurts to have your knitting needles in your bag just in case you do luck out with the A/C or in case your seatmate requires sudden stealth stabbing in the ribs. (Hey, it's Los Angeles. It happens.) But usually in the summer I read while I commute, books are portable and later in the summer if I'm carrying around Pillars Of The Earth maybe I can count that as my daily weightlifting, too.
When I am stressed and exhausted I get home and I tend to watch more TV instead of reading and then I feel like a big fat slug. Even though I think I'd rather lie on the sofa with Soba in the crook of my body while I wield the remote (I call her the Sofakowa, she likes to lie down next to me on the sofa and stretch out longways with her furry little back against my front, like we're spooning) I know I'd feel more productive and less sluggified if I read something or even did a little more writing, not on the computer but longhand (my favorite). I've calculated it -- in an average day during the work week I have one hour and forty minutes of free time, time not dedicated to working, commuting, writing, obligations, sleep and upkeep of the house and body. Sometimes in my one-hour-forty I give in to the sloth and I watch whatever is on the Tivo and have a glass of wine while the cat makes her little snoring sounds. It's kind of nice, actually.
My cactus bloomed again this year:
Had to take a picture in the dark, with flash, because apparently I am a vampire and can only appear under the cruel fluorescent lights of the office during daylight hours.
Have a good day and congrats again to all the winners and thank you to everyone who participated!
Posted by laurie at 08:52 AM | Comments (56)
July 16, 2008
July books in my bag (plus one you can win)
I love books.
On the plane from Burbank to Dallas I plowed through Chip St. Clair's memoir THE BUTTERFLY GARDEN
Well, I opened that book up as we were taking off the runway in Burbank and by the time we touched down in Dallas I was closing the final chapter and letting it all sink in. Chip's story is dark and sometimes scary and it makes you wonder how such a good man could come from such a childhood. His father was one of America's Most Wanted and Chip's story -- unraveling the lies, deprogramming the abuse -- is a complete page-turner. It made it all seem more real since I'd met him, met his wife, the whole story fit together and it made me want to call him up and tell him how happy I was he'd lived to write it all down.
Chip sent me a signed copy of THE BUTTERFLY GARDEN to offer to my readers so post a comment if you'd like to be in the drawing and I will announce a winner tomorrow!
[Edited to add: Thank you everyone who commented, I closed comments now and will announce a winner tomorrow! I love my fellow bookworms.]
- - -
On the way from Dallas to Tampa I started reading first-time author Tana French's dark Irish murder mystery, IN THE WOODS
I am dying to see if any of ya'll have read this book and what you thought about it. I don't like to be critical of books or authors because I know how hard it is to write one. This author has obvious talent, beautiful prose, characters that get under your skin, a really intriguing premise. (Obviously I loved reading this book and had higher expectations from such a good writer or I wouldn't be so mad about the ending!)
For the most part this novel was a really good read but the ending was totally unsatisfying. When you write a book, you make a contract with the reader. You say to the reader, Follow me on this and I won't leave you hanging totally empty-handed. This author broke the contract and left her readers 400+ pages holding an empty bag. What a disappointment on an otherwise awesome book.
[Edited to add: I'm not trying to turn anyone off this book, in fact I want you to read it so we can talk about it! I am making my friend Corey read it right now and I called everyone I know to see who read it and no one had so now I need the innernets to be my book club ;) ]
- - -
Now I'm reading SUITE FRANCAISE
Here is what Wikipedia says about the author:
Némirovsky is now best known as the author of the unfinished Suite Française, two novellas portraying life in France between June 4, 1940 and July 1, 1941, the period during which the Nazis occupied Paris. These works are considered remarkable because they were written during the actual period itself, and yet are the product of considered reflection, rather than just a journal of events, as might be expected considering the personal turmoil experienced by the author at the time.Némirovsky's oldest daughter, Denise, kept the notebook containing the manuscript for Suite Française for fifty years without reading it, thinking it was a journal or diary of her mother's, which would be too painful to read. In the late 1990s, however, she made arrangements to donate her mother's papers to a French archive and decided to examine the notebook first. Upon discovering what it contained, she instead had it published in France, where it became a bestseller in 2004.
I picked this up based on the background I knew about the author. I know some folks who couldn't get into this book and I totally understand, pieces from this era about this subject matter tend to have a certain voice that can be off-putting to readers. It's a more dispassionate and observational voice than we're used to in contemporary fiction. And I think readers often expect stories about this era to be very clear cut, good vs. evil. But many of the vignettes here describe people who are weak, or self-centered, or mousy (in other words, they were pretty normal people!) The tone (much like The Last Eyewitnesses
I'm about half-way through it and couldn't wait to get on the bus last night so I could settle in and read more (it's one of the few times I don't mind glacially slow traffic!) I am in love with this book, I can't imagine what it would have been like had the author lived to really finish it and polish it.
The author died in Auschwitz in 1942. She was only 39 years old. I don't even have words to describe how I feel about that.
- - -
Books take you places. There is nothing like the delicious feeling of being so wrapped up in a story that you can't wait for your real life to subside so you can curl up again with the plot, the characters, and let it all spill out in words on the page.
What kind of books do you reach for first? Do you read mysteries? Romance? Non-fiction? Humor? Do you want a twisty-turning plot? Characters who feel real, who live on in your head after you finish the last page? Do you look for pure escapism, fun, tension, history, laughs?
I love hearing about what people are reading. Whenever I'm in a bookstore I watch what people are buying, at Target I always browse too long in the book section to see what folks are taking home from the shelves. I've always been a bookworm, I think it's a trait most hermits share. Sometimes the characters in books are more real to me than the people on the bus beside me! Do you ever feel that way? I guess that's why I was so let down by IN THE WOODS, I took it personally that the author left me with a totally discarded storyline, flicked away by the main character in the last drag of a cigarette.
- - -
Thank you again to Chip St. Clair for offering an autographed copy of his book THE BUTTERFLY GARDEN, I'll draw randomly from the comments and announce a winner tomorrow. You can read about his foundation online, The St. Clair Butterfly Foundation, and follow Chip at his blog.
Posted by laurie at 08:57 AM | Comments (387)
July 15, 2008
Airport Fun & Games
Airport stories are funny. There's something about the whole airport experience that brings out the "enhanced" personalities in some folks. Being in the airport this past weekend reminded me of the five thousand funny things I saw while touring the airports of the United States last fall. It was allegedly a book tour, but I saw more airports than book stores. I spent more time waiting in airports in the fall of 2007 than I did on any other activity -- hey, you try getting from Peoria to Minneapolis via Phoenix!
I learned many things from that period of high-stress travel, and one of the most valuable lessons was discovering how to amuse myself while waiting around in the airport. It was surprisingly easy once I understood that people who use their cell phones in the airport magically forget that they have an "indoor voice." I was able to develop a Theory on it, too. I have a theory for just about everything.
Why People Talk So Loud on Cellphones in The Airport Theory
The transient nature of the airport and the impersonal feeling of air travel combined with the sensory overload of the experience + the airport announcements overhead + the general spaceyness of people on cellphones = LOUD TALKING ON CELLPHONES IN AIRPORTS.
Interesting side finding: Often, conversations in airports tend to be emotionally charged (possibly from stress of travel?) and contain volatile private information conveyed in the aforementioned LOUD TALKING.
Uh, yeah. That's pretty much the whole theory.
I discovered my airport amusement sometime in mid-October. I was sitting in O'Hare International Airport in Chicago on my way to Who Knows Where. I'd heard my flight mentioned, so I walked to the gate to see if we'd been delayed again (yes) and to see if there were any opportunities to upgrade (no.) It was while looking for an empty chair to rest my tired self that I noticed the five billionth Loud Cellphone Talker. She was at the gate and she was sitting near the only remaining open seats.
It was pretty clear why no one had chosen to sit in the four empty seats right behind her -- the Loud Talker wasn't just Loud, she was also gesturing wildly and making faces. I, however, chose to sit there and I will tell you why.
At this point in my traveling, I had reached the Zen Place, that space you eventually come to after being in Spanx and three-inch heels for 19 hours for seven days in a row, a space where you have ceased resisting all the many things that snafu and get delayed and go wrong and make you sweaty during frenzied travel. You just no longer get upset about things like Loud Talkers, and Missed Connections, and Mystery Itchy Bites on your Left Ankle.
You have perhaps had two glasses of wine at the airport Chili's and a plate of fried cheese that you decided you had earned from the 20-minute contortionist act you just performed in the airport ladies room whereby you managed to surreptitiously remove your spanx and not touch a single germy surface of the cramped stall. You are tired, and now smell like fried cheese. You feel mildly happy to be breathing without lycra again, mildly happy that airports sell wine, and mildly happy that you have earphones. Everything is at a Zen mild state.
EXCEPT.
Except, when you sit down at one of the lone, empty seats directly behind the Loud Talker and begin looking for your earphones in your carry-on bag, you hear the Loud Talker say, loudly:
"Well I should have KNOWN he was cheating on me just from that time I told you about when he came home smelling like a ***damn whorehouse!"
And suddenly this conversation is MUCH more exciting than chapter 4 of your current audiobook "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success" by Deepak Chopra. In fact, isn't one of the laws of spiritual success something like "Go with the flow-ism" in which we're supposed to accept life as it comes? Like, for example, when life hands you a real-live soap opera podcast, only it's not on an ipod, it's in person...?
Really? There's no chapter on that? Moving on.
"Oh yes he did, didn't I tell you about that time? When I went to Karen's birthday party? Yeah and so then he came home and I told him I was having NO MORE OF IT. NO MORE you hear me? But did that (expletive) (expletive) listen? Hell no! And then I said ...."
... and Loud Talker continued on in this manner for at least fifteen more minutes. Before long, a woman who was watching my expressions came and sat near me, and she started listening to Loud Talker's story, too. The guy across from us put down his newspaper so he could better concentrate. Loud Talker could be heard clearly across three rows of chairs at the airport gate and in the next twenty minutes, there must have been seven or eight or fifteen of us all connected by one Loud Talker.
For a moment I felt kind of bad. Were we intruding on a private moment? Were we eavesdropping? Should we all get up and walk away and try to avoid hearing Loud Talker?
We'd have to walk pretty far away, though. I'm just pointing that out is all.
"You KNOW he called her as soon as I left the house. I cannot believe I let him sign his name to be godfather of Justin. You KNOW he doesn't have the sense God gave a jackass! And do you remember that time I bought that black dress with the belt you said you liked? And it had the matching pocketbook? Well I wore it that night and you will not believe what he did ..."
And at that we all leaned in closer, what had he done? What happened to the pocketbook that matched the black dress with the belt?
"He had too much to drink that night and I swear to you, and I wasn't going to tell this to anyone because we were in my brother's car and you know how he is about that car and he was wasted and he leaned over and he threw up in my pocketbook! In my pocketbook, the one that matched that belt!"
And all of us listening at the gate made a collective "eeew!" noise. I gasped. That is pocketbook abuse if ever I heard it! And in gasping and eeew-ing, we were kind of loud. And Loud Talker turned and paused in her conversation and looked behind her ...
... and then she continued:
"Huh? Oh sorry, no I just thought I heard them calling the plane. Anyway that jackass never even offered to buy me a new pocketbook! Can you believe that (expletive)er?"
And on and on until the plane was finally called. It was possibly the most entertaining wait I'd had in an airport (well aside from being frisked during the Mascara of Mass Destruction event), and from that day onward I made a beeline for the Loud Talker in every airport gate waiting area and every airport restaurant. It's not hard to find them, because they are everywhere. It's much harder to find a space without them. Just look for the person talking loudly and with great animation on their cellphone (the ones with the Borg-like earpieces are masters of this!) and you will find a whole new source of entertainment while you eat your soggy, overpriced cheese sticks and drink your tepid chardonnay.
That's my theory, anyway, and I am sticking to it. Go-with-the-flowism!
Posted by laurie at 08:33 AM | Comments (89)
July 14, 2008
Sir Barkasalot and the Roller Crew
I spent the weekend in Florida, finally meeting the newest member of my family in person:
Oh yeah. We bonded.
Poor little thing, I was just sure he had NO TOYS so I brought a few in my suitcase:
I also got to visit with my brother and my nephews Brett and Andrew and see my older brother do the dad thing ... ON WHEELS!
Cutie Andrew is ready for Roller Derby now!
The puppy didn't come roller skating with us, he needed a nap. This is his favorite position for laying low and it CRACKS ME UP:
My dad says he looks like a deboned chicken with those little legs out flat. The cuteness here was basically overwhelming. I kept trying to fit him in my carry-on bag but my folks are pretty attached to him. He even helps my mom play cards:
(Taken on my cellphone)
He's a card shark, that puppy! And it was a good, long, dog-snuggling weekend. Now I need a nap. Wonder if anyone will miss me if I duck underneath my desk for some shut-eye?
Posted by laurie at 10:28 AM | Comments (76)
July 09, 2008
Possibly addicted to batik...
On Saturday I spent a portion of my "Deadliest Catch" marathon working on my June analytics report for my boss. Fun! Pie Charts! Finally I got to the wine-drinking portion of the day which is when I set aside my exciting pie-chart work and did some sewing work. Or, more appropriately, some "cutting fabric while avoiding the cat paws" work.
I did not even touch the pattern for my hippy dippy HollyHobby-esque dress mentioned last week. I love all those purples but I miscalculated my to-do list and current obligations and summer "no wedding left behind" schedule and it seems I have a wedding to attend next Friday, mere days away! That hippydippy little dress is awesome but not nearly appropriate for a morning of work and an afternoon of I Do's, so I am instead forging ahead with Wedding Attendee Dress #1, A Lovely Study In Brown And Pink:
I wanted a little dress I could wear with my pink DKNY summer shrug and I found this perfect batik cotton print at Michael Levine on my lunch break one day last week (there are benefits to working downtown!) I brought my pink sweater with me to the store so I could get a perfect match. And I love the fabric I found, it's so pretty!
This is McCall's pattern M8107, a very simple dress with princess seams and a back zipper. I'm making something between View G and View F -- so far the only alteration I've made is to cut the dress at tea-length which puts the finished garment midway between the two pattern options. Tea length is a good look for my body shape and more appropriate for the event.
I had so much help when cutting out my dress pieces. In fact, I don't know how I get any work done at all when I am away from the felines, they're such attentive helpers:
By the way, I'm pleased as pie (pie chart?) with my squeaky clean wood floors -- you can see a little of them in the pictures, since I'm using my living room floor as a cutting area. Just recently I started using a little Dr. Bronner's eucalyptus soap
But back to the dress! The fabric I'm using here is 100% cotton so I washed it on hot and dried it on high to be sure the final product will be 100% preshrunk. I love preshrinking fabric, it's my subtle revenge on all those dry-clean-only clothes I'm stuck with for Corporate Job, Inc. I'm glad I picked an easy pattern to get back into sewing, it will probably need a little off-pattern alteration in the bustline to fit me properly but aside from that it's very straightforward garment, just simple shaping and a zipper. When I finish this dress it will have cost me right around $41.00 including pattern, fabric and notions -- that's a fraction of whatever I may have found at Bloomies and it matches my little shrug perfectly! And it matches Soba:
So that is officially as far as I've gotten on my progress for Wedding Attendee Dress #1 in Brown & Pink. I have a huge pile of work this week and with my current schedule I won't be able to get anything done on my little batik project for days. Knowing me I'll be finishing seams next Thursday night, the evening before I have to wear it! I'm happy with it, though, I think the final product will be cute with the sweater and my favorite pink handbag and my rockin' bronze summer heels:
Didn't that picture look all fashiony and well-composed? Here is the REAL behind-the-scenes work going on at my house:
Indeed.
And finally, I hope I manage to develop some X-ray vision for pattern-reading between now and next Friday....
It is so challenging to read a pattern when it is covered in nine pounds of Sobakowa! How on earth does one manage to get anything done without a cat helping? I mean really now.
Posted by laurie at 08:35 AM | Comments (114)
July 08, 2008
Guerrilla Literacy
On Sunday I was out with Allison and Faith and we stumbled on what was for me the very zenith of my bumper-sticker-photographing life experience:
This car was covered on all sides with stickers -- it was a rolling work of art! I think I squealed. In fact, I squealed then groaned -- I'd left the house without my camera or cellphone, so much thanks to Faith for letting me use her phone to take pictures of this car from every angle. We even met the owner of the car while I was busy snapping pictures (and trying to figure out Faith's bizarrely complicated phone) and he was so nice, he told us his car is what he calls "guerrilla literacy" because it gets people reading and talking and laughing. His name is Michael and he's a professional storyteller (how's that for a profession!!) and he has a website called HaveMouthWillRunIt.com. I thought I took a picture of him standing by the car but apparently I was accidentally calling Faith's voicemail instead.
This was my favorite sticker:
I personally call them AFGOs and I really don't need another one anytime soon! (AFGO stands for "Another F****** Growth Opportunity") Anyway, I loved that car. For me it was the equivalent of stumbling on a big ol' Christmas present in July!
Posted by laurie at 10:40 AM | Comments (52)
July 07, 2008
Monday and winners!
Thank you to everyone who entered to win the cool summertime SuperCrafty.com embroidery sweepstakes. Congratulations to the two winners:
• Liz from "The Capital of the Confederacy (a.k.a. Virginia)" (I just thought that was funny, quite a location, Liz!!) and
• Trixie from Anchorage, Alaska
Congratulations, you two!
Seeing that one of my winners was from Alaska I thought I would admit out loud I spent a fair amount of time this weekend watching the "Deadliest Catch" marathon on the Discovery Channel. I decided that of all the folks on those ships I like that crusty old Johnathan Hillstrand as my favorite. For one thing, he sports the mullet loud and proud. He also seems kind of goofy -- a quality I enjoy in manly men -- and he seems funny, at least on TV. I loved how emotional he got saving that other fisherman's life a few seasons back. He seems like he can probably fix things when they break and tell good jokes and hold his liquor. So he is my favorite.
I am also 100% certain it is impossible to meet a guy like that anywhere in the greater Los Angeles metropolitan region. This place is just ridiculous ... even your accountant is writing a screenplay and mullets have been replaced with male manicures and dudes wearing six layers of hair product. People don't fix things themselves, they hire out to hang a picture.
This morning I sat on the bus next to guy in a suit and tie who was reading a script. He had a better manicure than me.
Anyway.
Thanks again for entering the sweepstakes, congrats to the weiners and have a good Monday!
- - -
Edited to add: While I appreciate the concern in advance, I just wanted to clarify that I wasn't asking for dating advice and you can go ahead and hold back on that email about your friend so-and-so who is so nice and not married at this time and is awesome except for a slight problem with the law/commitment/substances/PTSD. Though I definitely appreciate your concern! I was just merely making an observation about Los Angeles. It's a funny place.
Posted by laurie at 09:59 AM | Comments (75)
July 03, 2008
Happy July 3rd!
This morning it finally dawned on me we're about to have a three-day holiday weekend because I got an actual real bonafide parking spot at the park 'n ride lot (!!!). Right after I pulled into my parking space (!!!) another regular bus rider pulled her car in beside mine and at the same time we hollered to each other, "Oh! My! God! Parking!!" We were both so damn excited you'd thought we'd won the lottery.
Well, they say it's the little things in life that bring you joy!
So on a long weekend people usually ask what your plans are, getting away this weekend? Going anywhere special? But this year none of my friends or co-workers are going anywhere, I guess everyone is feeling the money squeeze. I'm happy to stay home and I already have a long list of things to do including wildlife photography (read: "taking pictures of the cats while they try to sleep") and cleaning the house (I have dustballs that have dustballs) and visiting my garden in the actual daylight hours. Who knows what the zukes have been up to while I was away at work!
I also plan to do a little top-secret work on this:
My friend Corey said the pattern looked a little Holly Hobby-ish in the picture but I can't decide if that's part of the reason I chose it or not. Perhaps I still have a subconscious Holly Hobby fixation?
Anyway, I have no summer clothes that are cute and fit me so I have decided to make some. This started out as a budgeting grey area -- I don't want to buy any clothes but I have three weddings to attend this summer, plus I may want to actually go out one day between now and November in clothes that are cute and appropriate for the hot weather. I do have plenty of work clothes, but that's all business professional stuff and not exactly appropriate for summer weekends. And my office is cooled to three degrees above the "arctic" setting and while I'm not complaining -- I like it cold! -- my work clothes don't cut it in valley summers for weekend wear. I do have grubby clothes for pulling weeds and cleaning house (so sexy!) but nothing in my wardrobe fills in the gap between grubby and business professional.
So I decided I would make a few things this summer, as long as I was able to follow some self-imposed guidelines: only buy patterns and fabric I will actually use in two weeks' time, no stockpiling patterns and supplies for the apocalypse, and nothing with horizontal stripes... just on principle.
In addition to my sewing project, I plan to finish up a scarf that has been languishing in my to-finish pile since last November. It's a striped thing done in two shades of Paton's Rumor (to go with my mittens!) but I tried bringing it on the bus and it just sheds like crazy:
So I am going to finish it up at home where shedding is the norm, and then I may try to wash it in the machine (in a pillowcase or something) in hopes of getting its hairiness down to a manageable level. Has anyone found a way to lessen the crazy shedding of this yarn? If so, please share!
I also have a cable-knit hat I made up using that same yarn and I might try to write the pattern up ... or not. I did some wacky decreases on it and I'm not sure I can remember them all! But it's a cute hat, maybe I can try to photograph one of the cats wearing it.
Also, my desk finally arrived last month and it has a file drawer still awaiting my files. I have yet to find the time to go through my files and figure out what to keep and what to trash (they're all stuck in a file box right now) and I want to sort them all out and transfer them to the new file drawer of my desk. I ADORE my new desk, though I won't mention where I got it since it was the worst customer service experience of my entire life and I plan to never shop there again, ever, As God Is My Witness, but the name contains "barn" and a word for crockery in its title. The desk itself is beyond awesome but getting it took two months, fifty-eight phone calls and finally an exasperated call (or twelve) to the district manager and finally the corporate headquarters. It really should not take that much effort to get something from a store in Woodland Hills to my home six miles away. Really people!
But now that I have my desk, I love it. I never would have dreamed of buying something this spendy, but I decided one day in a fit of inspiration that if I truly want the ideal life I keep picturing in my fantasies, then I needed to start actually walking in that direction. Meaning that if I want to one day be someone who works and writes from home and so on, I probably needed to pony up and make room for and purchase a desk I love and enjoy sitting at, just like in the fantasy future of my dreams. I used to use my coffee table or my bed as a desk-- seriously funky shui!
I tried to find a picture of my desk but I realized I only have one slightly askew image that I took accidentally while trying to photograph my first mitten. When I'm knitting I like to sit on this little two-seater sofa thingy I have in the office (it actually folds out into a single bed) and it fits me lengthwise just perfectly -- there are some benefits to being short! I can watch my DVDs of "The Pretender
And here is a picture of the sofamajig with my knitting and craft supervisor in his normal post by the window:
All this decluttering I've done is really (finally) paying off, because for almost three years that poor office room was just a repository of scary boxes and junk. I don't have a lot of pictures from that time (I was so ashamed of having so much stuff and it made me so anxious!) but here is a picture I found of what it looked like maybe a year into the decluttering process:
Even at that time the junk level had been brought down by a good 50%, so that gives you some idea of where I started when I first moved in. I've definitely made progress. There's still more to do but hey, if I had nothing on my to-do list it would likely be because I was already croaked! It feels good to know I've made enough space for me to take a breather and enjoy the stuff I already have and spend a long weekend doing crafty projects (room to sew! finally!) and seeing what Jared is up to on the Pretender (I'm halfway through Season Two now!) and grilling out some hamburgers and seeing some friends and enjoying a perfect, stay-in-town July 4th weekend.
Have a great, safe, fun holiday wherever you may be!
- - -
p.s. I decided to keep the SuperCrafty.com rockin' summer embroidery sweepstakes up through the weekend. If you haven't already, be sure to enter to win and I will announce the weiners on Monday!
Posted by laurie at 08:21 AM | Comments (79)
June 27, 2008
It is Friday. You have no idea how happy that makes me. In celebration, enter to win some good, free crafty stuff!
Now if that is not a headline I do not know what is. One of these days I will max out the amount of characters you can have in these headlines and I will be secretly thrilled.
So my friend Allison and I both love giving things away and we tried to think up a good little summertime sweepstakes. I have to tell you, once I saw the cat-and-sushi embroidery pattern I was HOOKED. I know what I want for Christmas by the way ... just look at the cuteness:
Seriously. I mean really now. How awesome would that be embroidered on a pillow? Or on a little purse?
Ya'll can enter to win this design, it's included in both prize packs from SuperCrafty.com featuring:
* 5 of our favorite Sublime Stitching patterns: Sushi, Cat-A-Rama, Dress-Up, Gnomes & Fairies and I Luv Veggies.
* A copy of Jenny Hart’s "Craft Pad," a cool collection of over 75 pattern transfers in neat, tear-off sheets. Published by Chronicle Books.
Each prize is valued at over $30 (there will be two winners) and Allison is doing the shipping so ya'll know it will get there faster than when I mail stuff. I use Pony Express and she uses something called "the postal office." Thank you so much to Allison for offering this up as a sweepstakes! This sweepstakes closes at 9 p.m. Pacific time on Friday, July 4th.
Go enter to win the sweepstakes >>
I used to embroider everything in sight when I was a kid, I went through a phase where I thought everything had to be encrusted in French knots or it just wasn't pretty. My poor parents. You can imagine how shocked they were when that phase ended and my challenging "Crackerass McCracker punk girl" phase began, where I only wore black clothes and T-shirts I cut holes in and trashy red legwarmers. In Louisiana. In summer.
I was delightful I am sure.
Anyway, if you are looking for a summer project, embroidery is light and easy and portable! These Sublime Stitching embroidery patterns are cool designs (no geese in bonnets, amen). Each pack includes simple instructions how to use the reusable iron-on transfer sheets to stitch on t-shirts, aprons, hand towels, pillowcases and more.
You can also buy these at SuperCrafty.com in over 35 designs, for just $3.49 each. Here's the link to her embroidery page. I also want to mention Allison is having a huge 30% off sale on all kinds of stuff in her online store and do you know how hard it was for me to resist all that Misti Alpaca at 30% off the regular price? I'm still standing strong over here in no-shop land but it is a lonely, lonely island folks. I am living vicariously through ya'll. Come Sale away! Come Sale away! Come Sale away with me!
And finally what better way to end a Friday -- a much-needed Friday after a LONG LONG LONG week, than with a picture of my roly-poly baby brother:
He just looks like he is up to some Puppy tomfoolery in that picture!
Have a great weekend!!
Posted by laurie at 09:40 AM | Comments (104)
June 26, 2008
All I wanna do is have some fun....
My second mitten is coming along. Knitting on the bus and juggling stitch markers and five double-pointed needles on the lurching ride home is a challenge, but if it isn't ill-advised, I usually don't want any part of it!
I did however begin to notice a slight difference in my two mittens. The first mitten is big and toasty. This second mitten while equally toasty seemed ... a little smaller. I got them out with my morning coffee to measure:
Yes, indeed.
It appears that when I am home on a lazy Saturday afternoon knitting away with a cat on my lap and one stretched on the back of the sofa and I'm watching episodes of The Pretender
Gives whole new meaning to the word tension!
- - -
Reader Kris asked about my camera, wanting to know what I use to stalk the wildlife at Chez Hairball.
Well, I use a Kodak Easy Share V1233 camera, but I can't recommend it. I bought it after mourning the loss of my old 3.1-megapixel Kodax camera. This new one has a fancypants 12 megapixels and all of them are blurry. I don't like to give bad product reviews so I just don't mention my camera much at all these days. But to be honest, it takes terrible pictures -- the flash is awful and the only way to get a non-blurry shot of anything is to use a tripod and even then it's so sensitive that if the earth is rotating on its axis the picture won't come out crisp. And the earth, you know how it can be ... so rotatey!
I manage to get a good shot every once in a while but almost every image I post here has been cleaned up considerably in photoshop. I don't want a fancy camera with lenses and special settings and gears and so on. I like a plain old simple point-and-shoot camera. All I want is something easy to use and with a macro setting. That's it! Come January when my no-shop moratorium ends I will probably start looking for a new camera, this one was a real lemon.
Don't want to end on a sour note (sour - lemons - HA!) so below is a picture of the Sobakowa staring at the ceiling. This is why it is so good to have a haunted house! It explains away all sorts of mysterious things, like why does the lid to the garlic salt keep coming undone in the spice cabinet and also ... why is my cat staring at the light fixture for over an hour without moving?
I suspect she and the ghost are conspiring and it probably has something to do with the bag of greenies I had to hide from her last week after she managed to open the cabinet and chew a hole in the bag. Or maybe she's trying to get the ghost to drive her somewhere fun. Maybe she wants to go to Vegas and double her money. I have no idea. I guess I'll have to wait and read her manifesto like a plain ol' mere mortal.
Soba, The Great Communicator With Light Fixtures.
Posted by laurie at 08:13 AM | Comments (86)
June 22, 2008
My Birthday Resolution
So, every year around the time of my birthday I make a list of Birthday Resolutions. Sometimes my lists have been really long! I can't help it, I love a good list.
About two months ago I was on the treadmill and watching some show I'd Tivo'd -- that's my multitasking, trying to cram it all in at the same time as usual. Anyway, on the program there was a woman talking about things you should be doing in life to live healthy and happy. And one of her ideas was that you should have a little fun every single day.
I paused it and bleep-blooped it (that means I hit the little Tivo rewind button, sure wish I had one of those for everything in my life!!) BLEEPBLOOP. I had to listen to her say it again. And for the life of me I couldn't remember when the last time I'd had real FUN was. And the more I got to thinking on it, I could not even really decide what "fun" MEANS. What is FUN? Is it something you have to go do, like at a club? That just didn't sound fun to me. Is watching a movie on TV fun? Sometimes. But sometimes it's just something you're doing to relax or because you can't sleep. It's an activity but is it FUN?
For weeks now -- ever since I watched that TV program -- I have been thinking that the real crazytalk is how long it took me to figure out when I'd last had fun in my life. And even crazier is that I'd lost my frame of reference for one of life's most basic words: FUN!
This year my birthday resolutions list only has one item on it: Every day for the rest of my life spend at least three minutes having fun.
I picked three minutes because it seemed like a do-able amount of time to spend each day on fun. It's not so much time that you have to squeeze it into a busy schedule or worry you won't get around to it. And fun isn't supposed to be just another obligation! Obviously there will be days I can do more than three minutes but each day that's the bare minimum of FUN I want to add in. I think singing along to a favorite song or dancing in the living room is a good start. Other things I thought of: playing the laser pointer with the cats, making a house out of cards, eating watermelon. I'm not sure if the last one is fun but it is good. I believe it says a lot about the current status of my life that I had a tough time thinking of anything fun to do! That is why I know this is the only resolution I need.
Today I started by dancing in my living room to one of my favorite songs. It's just an uplifting, happy song and I danced and sang out loud to the cats. It felt great and it didn't cost anything and it really was fun!
I'm not sure what other stuff I will add to my list of fun activities ... if you have any ideas I would love to hear them! I will make a list of fun stuff to do, and that is the best list I can think of for a birthday resolution.
Posted by laurie at 09:37 AM | Comments (113)
June 19, 2008
So few questions, so many answers!
How can a simple oil change turn into $786.49 in repairs? I will tell you -- it's magic. You need an oil change, maybe ask the guy to check out the fan belt which is making a weird noise and before the day is out you leave with a new radiator, some spark plugs and apparently the grave of Al Capone.
It's very mysterious, car repair.
I love my Jeep. This is the first major repair Big Red has needed in almost two years so I'm happy he likes his new radiator, the third one we've purchased together. It seems this car is my second-longest relationship next to my twisted affair with this crazyass city. A while back I dated a guy who didn't understand my affection for the Jeep. I know it doesn't have air conditioning (believe me, I KNOW) but it was the car I could afford at the time, and now it's paid off and I keep it in good condition. It works for me, I feel it is a very happy relationship most of the time.
But on our third date this guy told me I needed to go out and lease a new car and get rid of my Jeep. Told me how I needed to get a BMW, maybe, or a Lexus SUV.
"Don't you think it's time you got a real car?" he said, as if I had asked him. As if he knew me better than I knew myself. As if we had known each other for years not mere days.
So I got rid of the guy and it was a lot cheaper. Problem solved!
I like my old beat-up Jeep. It suits me. It gets me to and from the mass transit parking lot, and gets me to the grocery store and my few little errands, and I can load a whole Meyer lemon tree in the back and if it all tumps over and spills dirt everywhere it's no big deal. You can hose out the inside real easy. Plus that vehicle just loves a new radiator the way I love a new handbag. We're kindred souls!
I guess I could have argued with the guy, or tried to give my side of the story or tried to show him how he was wrong and I was right, but lately I have noticed I just have a poor appetite for arguing. It's a change for the best -- I used to argue a lot, especially when I was married. I'm one of those people who stores up completely random facts (and what I don't know I can make up quite convincingly) so that I tend to really be good at arguing. Plus I'm very expressive, what with the colorful vocabulary of my own and the hand gesturing and dramatics. It took me a long time to realize that arguing wasn't a skill I wanted to continue developing in my life and that sharpening my debate teeth wasn't adding to my happiness. That perhaps it was best to be good at other stuff like eating Fritos and speaking Spanish and making hand-knit flowers.
And maybe, just maybe, it's ridiculous to feel you ever have to argue FOR your feelings or choices with anyone.
I reckon I spent about 2/3 of my life arguing, feeling defensive about something or going around answering questions no one had even asked. That's the one that kills your relationships -- answering up all sorts of questions no one is asking you to solve. Like when that guy answered a question I had not asked about my Jeep. I never asked his opinion about my car. I never asked for his help in the auto realm. I never asked him if I should get a new vehicle. I never even brought up the subject! It was a question I never asked but boy did he think he had the answer.
It's not a limited example -- people are always giving unsolicited advice on how you ought to live your life. But it wasn't until recently I saw how much advice-giving I did in my own relationships! Even on the phone a few weeks ago I was giving totally unsolicited advice to my folks about the new puppy. They hadn't asked but I sure was answering. Luckily they love me and I did catch myself before I carried on too long. What on earth makes me an expert on their lives? What makes me the authority on all things dog-related? Nothing! My sole job is to enjoy the puppy and buy him many goofy toys and enjoy my parents' stories about said puppy. End of my role. But it's a hard habit to break, all that answering.
How many times have I been talking to a friend and my friend makes a statement and all the sudden I'm answering questions she didn't even ask? Or I'm in a meeting -- answering a question no one ever asked. I used to do that all the time in meetings, sometimes I was showing off how much I knew about the subject matter, or sometimes I was just talking to show I was "on top of my game" and sometimes I did it out of habit!
A few weeks ago Faith and I were at the Home Depot together and she started looking through the display of seed packets in the garden center.
"I'm going to grow some zucchini again this year, too," she said.
She picked up a big seed packet of organic zucchini seeds.
"Oh wow," I said. "You're going to have a whole army of squash!"
"I know!" she said, "I can't wait!"
And right at that moment I realized I was on the verge of answering a question she never asked me. She did not ask me my opinion about what she should purchase, or when, or how many or where to plant them or anything at all. Faith is a grown woman with her own home and husband and yard and life and does not need my unsolicited opinion. And people are going to do what they want to do anyway. It is truly liberating to realize such a thing. I can just shut up and enjoy someone's conversation without telling them how to do it "right." As if there is a right way. As if people want to be told the "right" way to do anything.
Amazing, isn't it?
Arguing is a hard habit to break, too! Sometimes I take the bait and then later I see what I did and feel dumb. Because all that energy wasted on ... what? But sometimes I don't engage and let other people just argue and talk and carryon and they get to win and I get to breathe.
If I don't take the bait or offer up my own answers to questions no one is asking me, it turns out that I don't wither up and die. Is that something or what! The world keeps spinning on its axis. I don't suddenly become less of a person or lose IQ points or walk slumped over or find myself covered in warts because I didn't say something. In fact, the stress level decreases. Life is smoother. Things don't seem so hard and contentious. You get to just see people for who they are and not have to be sizing them up, judging them, deciding if you agree or disagree, offering your input on how they should live their lives. It is revolutionary.
So, anyway, my Jeep has a big-time tune up and a new oil filter and air filter and some wires and a fan belt and some spark plugs and of course a brand new radiator. It is really a good thing I decided to stop shopping for nonessentials so my car could pick out a pretty radiator just in time for summer. The mechanic did throw in a free car wash for me (even put the shiny stuff on the tires!)
I walked down to the repair shop at lunchtime to pay the bill and pick up my keys.
"You should get new seatcovers," said my mechanic as he handed me the receipt. "The camouflage doesn't seem like you. Maybe get something with flowers!"
Funny I do not recall asking his opinion. But I kept my mouth shut all the same. No need to break up with a perfectly good mechanic, especially one who throws in a free car wash.
My beautiful new radiator!
Posted by laurie at 08:41 AM | Comments (133)
June 17, 2008
Cheap and Cheerful
Things I like:
• Being at the grocery store and letting the guy behind me go ahead in line. He was only buying a bouquet of flowers (sweet.)
• When people let me go in line in front of them when I only have one item.
• Gold Bond lotion
• Finding a new radio station that plays good music (if you're in Los Angeles it's 100.3 FM)
• Out here on the freeways the motorcyclists always drive in the space between two lanes of cars (they drive where the dotted line is.) It took me a long time to get used to that! Anyway, I like it when you see a motorcycle coming and you move over a little in your lane to give them more space and then they give you the "thank you" hand wave of acknowledgment. It feels like collusion for the greater good.
• I love Flickr! It's free to just browse people's pictures and I get all the best inspiration and good lunchtime desk-surfing entertainment from it. Some of my favorite flickr picture sets:
- Inspiration Boards
- Offbeat Interior Inspirations
- The Unclutterer pool of office/workpaces
- Living Rooms Around The World
- Living Spaces
• I think so much of what is cool about the innernets is how you get to peek into some other person's life, maybe a total stranger halfway around the world! I love looking at the photos of Chez Larsson, a family living in Sweden who have the best taste in home design (I just love her clean, happy looking home.) She also has a blog and I enjoy reading what she says about organizing and her home. And she likes maps (I collect maps, love them.) Since I'm a total Cancer with Cancer rising I am basically a hermit wrapped inside a homebody -- home is pretty important to me! And I'm still trying to figure out what my personal decorating preferences are, and how to scale back the piles of crap and how to live my best, happiest and simplest. Seeing this complete stranger's pictures inspires me and makes me feel like you don't have to have a bazillion dollars and a personal decorator to have a cheerful and well-appointed home. I love that. Props to Al Gore for inventing this thing.
• Another website that is free and inspiring to me is called "Apartment Therapy." There are so many creative people out there!
• Free recipes at Epicurious.com. My favorite recipes are Coriander Lime Shrimp (it's really cilantro-lime shrimp, and it's SO GOOD.) I use only about half the marmalade in the recipe because I like spicy food (less sweet) but I have made it both ways and it's very tasty. My other favorite recipe is a sun-dried tomato sauce for pizza that is amazing. Basically it's just roasted garlic pureed with sundried tomatoes and it is so good. I make mini-pizzas using whole grain pita bread, which is just the right size for an individual pizza. Spread on the sauce, add goat cheese and peppers and caramelized onions and it is heavenly!
• Iced tea. I love iced tea, especially in summer.
• Mascara. What a good invention.
• Van Morrison songs. Before I went all no-shop, I bought the latest Van Morrison CD called Keep It Simple
• Scottish accents.
• A pretty scarf tied on a handbag.
• Thank you so much to reader Sandy for alerting me to the Cascadian Farms website which has a store search and product locator for all their good stuff, but specifically the Organic Green Beans with Almonds I am addicted to. The Whole Foods stopped carrying them and I love -- LOVE -- these green beans. I can eat them every day and sometimes I do. Thanks to their cool search feature I found several stores near me that have my favorite green beans. Now, if only finding ALL products were that easy!
• Musical cards!! I have developed a serious addiction to musical greeting cards. I love to buy them for people for their birthdays and for the holidays. My parents know it's not a card from me unless the thing is singing!
• Avocados.
• Cats who snuggle in the morning and don't want you to leave for work.
• Vines on my pumpkin plants! I have never grown a pumpkin plant before and I go out back and look at them as often as I can. Sometimes I don't get home until it's dark, so a few days will go by and then I'll get to look at them and they will have grown a foot in just three days! They have a good enough head start on the zucchini that they may even take over the whole raised bed:
It is hard to get a sense of the scale from that image, but the raised bed is a little larger than a four-foot square. It's pretty big. I may have to relocate one of the zucchini since the pumpkin wants to take over!
The pumpkin plant I bought was in a small 4-inch container (there were two seedlings stuck in there together) and it cost me $1.99 -- certainly the BEST $1.99 I have ever spent! It is now a bazillion inches big and has little tee-tiny pumpkins on it. I kept the plastic marker that came with the plant when I bought it because that is how I roll. Just this weekend I looked at the information on the marker more closely -- I wanted to know how big the pumpkins get before you pick them:
Then I called my dad because... ONE HUNDRED POUNDS? That cannot be true. Can it?
"Dad, do you think this is a typo? Can a pumpkin be 100 pounds? Maybe they meant ten pounds?" I asked.
"No," he said. Laughing. "It's not a typo, some people grow 900 pound pumpkins."
And of course this made me very excited, because I did manage to grow a 23 pound zucchini last year, so why not grow a seven-hundred-pound-pumpkin? Gardening is so fun. Mysterious, but fun.
My beautiful pumpkin blossom:
And my first baby pumpkin!!!!!
Posted by laurie at 08:22 AM | Comments (95)
June 16, 2008
The cats were not impressed, however.
Over the weekend my little brother Eric was in town and he and Rebecca met me over at Grandma's house and Aunt Pam brought the rest of the family both old and new ...
Aunt Pam got a new puppy!
The new puppy spent a lot of time doing this:
He has a hard time knowing where the chew toy ends and the human hand begins....
It is really impossible to be sad or in a bad mood around a puppy. Animals in general should be a requirement for training all humans to be happy. We mostly just chitchatted and played with the puppy all day with a little break for In-n-Out Burgers. That sounds like a perfect day to me. Grandma also got lots of kisses and love from the puppy:
That's Rebecca in the pictures too, who I kept cutting off with my awesome photography. Everyone had a good time and at the end of the weekend everyone was worn out. Some more than others....
He sleeps like a log. Belly up!
Posted by laurie at 09:12 AM | Comments (64)
June 12, 2008
Sad
We got some sad news, that our friend Raydine had passed on.
When I heard I just felt so sad. Also I felt bad I hadn't visited her in months. Isn't it true that we only regret in our lives all the things we didn't do? It's a good reminder for me.
My Aunt Pam called me and was telling me funny stories about Raydine, it was so good to hear them and laugh. Then Grandma and I chatted and she had her own funny stories about Raydine to tell! Isn't it awesome when you pass to have so many folks telling stories about you and laughing even though they're so sad you're gone. I just think that is a good way to live a life, leaving so many funny stories behind.
Posted by laurie at 11:37 AM | Comments (64)
June 10, 2008
And now a little good news! Winners!
Weiners!
Congratulations to the winners of the Big Pile O' Books Sweepstakes!
Pile #1 Winner: Lynn G. from Fresno
Pile #2 Winner: Hannah M. from "I don't know where"
Pile #3 Winner: Danielle M. from Seattle
I love to do give-aways so check back soon to see what new and strange pile of stuff I am mailing to some lucky winner.
- - -
An Update On Not Doing Anything
My little pledge to myself to stop buying all nonessentials for the rest of 2008 is going great. It's working in four ways:
1) No stuff except food, supplies and perishables coming into the house, so there's no clutter!
2) No shopping = less money spent = sigh of relief
3) It's the best way to feel "in control" of my personal economy
4) I have more free time since there's nothing to window shop, want, or purchase!
Usually on Saturday or Sunday mornings I go to Target at 8 a.m. and walk up and down every aisle. This has been my version of entertainment, I guess, a way to get out of the house and feel like you're part of humanity (not just a hermit or a commuter) and you don't have to dress fancy to do it.
But last weekend I just went for the few essentials and didn't buy one single thing off the list, which is kind of an accomplishment like OH WOW I MADE COLD FUSION. No need to walk all the aisles, and my trip cost me less and took less time. I went home feeling pretty happy. I used that extra time to lay on my bed with all three cats and finish up a book I've been reading. It was decadent and totally free. The cats are enjoying this new twist ... more time to sit on me!
I know I need to focus more on tiny things like that, little happy accomplishments that remind me I'm the one driving the car of my life. The needling worry I sometimes fall prey to is like a parasite just chomping away at my contentment. I think these past few days (weeks?) I was feeling more worry because I started listening to the news again in the mornings. Old habits die hard, I guess. This morning while getting ready for work I didn't listen to any news, just puttered around in the quiet and it was nice. I'm much less stressed out from the gitgo when mornings start without all the troubles of the world.
Little changes. C'est good.
- - -
Another yard sale?
I can't believe I've pared down as much as I have and still have anything left but of course I do. Usually I keep an empty box or shopping bag in the corner of my closet and anytime I see something in the house I can do without I put it in the box (yesterday it was a silver drink mixer thingy, you know like the old James Bond shakers? I bought it back years ago when I was married and have never once used it. Apparently I don't need any silly measuring device to make a good gin and tonic!) Anyway, I decided to keep the yard-sale pricing stickers and tags and a sharpie nearby so that every time I see something I can do without, I will immediately price it and put it away. When the box or bag gets full, it goes in the garage for later.
Come to my next yard sale and you can get a never-used cocktail shaker for a buck and change!
- - -
Chitchat
There's a woman at work who I've become friends with, she's awesome. Her name is Corey and she's about my age and she's really smart and funny and it makes work so nice having someone you can laugh with nearby.
Yesterday we were talking about our upcoming birthdays, within a month of each other, and we were both saying how nice it is to be this age (meaning: not 22 and scared to death you're running out of time to make something of yourself). Things aren't so crazy on the inside, always trying to please people.
"I honest-to-God cannot believe I've gotten tired of trying to make everyone happy but it appears I am moving in that direction," I told her. "Maybe it's the metaphorical part of me drooping south with the physical parts? Keeping my boobs company I guess."
She laughed. Then she said, "It feels like out of nowhere you find options, things you wouldn't have considered in the past."
I love that.
- - -
Speaking of Options
One of the things I'm doing right now is sifting through my pantry to use what I already have. On Saturday I found a bottle of Asian Ginger Sesame salad dressing in the cupboard so I decided to open 'er up. It smelled amazing... but I didn't want to make salad for dinner. So I took some chicken out of the freezer and thawed it, then put the (mostly) thawed chicken in a pyrex pan with the salad dressing to marinate for a while and later I put the pan in the oven and baked the chicken in the dressing. I think I baked it on 350 for about 40 minutes. IT WAS AWESOME. The chicken was tangy and sweet and tender and yummy and I had it with rice (also found while exploring my pantry) and green beans. I'm not much of a cook, so a pan of baked chicken in salad dressing probably doesn't sound revolutionary, but for me it was a nice change.
- - -
And finally.
Do you remember Victor, my oniony friend? It seems I have a knack for finding growing things in my cupboards:
After I took the picture I stuck them in the dirt out in the garden, maybe I'll be able to grow a potato crop where the watermelon crop of 2008 failed to flourish.
Hope, and spuds, spring eternal!
Posted by laurie at 09:28 AM | Comments (62)
June 06, 2008
Katie & Armando, Part III
Don't forget to enter the sweepstakes to win a pile o' books. Winners will be announced on Monday!
Have a great weekend!!
- - -
Before: Katie & Armando I | Katie & Armando II
They drove in silence toward the border separating Mexico from the Unites States, separating real life from vacation life. Separating her old self from her new self. The traffic had begun to slow some five miles back and now the cars inched slower and slower, until they were in view of the distant white border patrol booths. Traffic slowed to a crawl, stopped for minutes at a time. Armando looked over at her during one of these periodic stops, idling the car and said, “Let’s switch.”“Switch what?” Katie asked.
“You drive.” said Manny. He saw the question before she spoke, and answered. “It’s easier for a nice little white lady to take a drive across the border with a Mexican friend than the other way around.”
So she slid over him while the truck was in neutral, and in her mind the scene would have been sexier than it really was, but for some reason she wasn’t on edge with excitement and daring. She wondered where the exhilaration was, the goosebumps and insane happiness she had expected. She thought maybe it was because they were still in the car on this side of the invisible line separating her old life and her new one. And it wasn’t even one o’clock yet, not time yet to really be missing or to be missed. She could just be on a late summer drive. So she slid on top of Armando and he moved to the passenger’s seat. Automatically, she checked her lipstick in the rearview mirror, and adjusted the view to suit her.
She fastened her safety belt. The gap between their car and the one in front of them had widened, she eased into first gear and let out the clutch until they were again bumper to bumper with a Volvo family whose kids would turn around and wave every few minutes.
One of the things Manny had first noticed about her, in her own car, was that she drove a stick shift. He had looked at her then with a face of surprise and admiration.
“You drive manual?” he asked.
“I like to feel in control,” Katie had told him.
“I don't know many women who drive a stick,” he said. “Most women don’t even know how.”
She had smiled then. A little of the old show-off Katie had never died, the Katie who would turn on the radio and pile her high school friends into her secondhand Volkswagon and jackrabbit all the stoplights in their five-stoplight town.
And now it was late September, the hottest month in Southern California, three thousand miles from her Texas hometown. She propped her left arm on the door, out the window, and shifted into neutral. Idling.
Ernie was probably getting his lunch in his office, eating at his desk or maybe in the office lunchroom with a copy of the Times spread out in front of him. Maybe the secretary who thought Ernie's Senior VP title was sexy would join him with her Lean Cuisine in the breakroom and he would ask her about her kids.
Soon the grimy border checkpoints were so near she could see the uniformed men inside the little booths, just like on a toll road. Except some carried automatic rifles. Where she had expected butterflies and trembling hands there was only calm. What kind of woman was she? Who's calm at a time like this? She pulled the International level with the stall and smiled evenly at a man her same age, who asked her, “License, please.” And she reached over to her pocketbook, showed him her California driver’s license, and said, “Hot out today.”
“September, you know, think it would cool off by now,” said the man. He looked briefly at her passenger, but Armando was busy blowing his nose. The border guard handed Katie her license back. “Have fun.” He handed Katie her license and she smiled at him, and just like that she was across the border. The border from real life to this life.
She reached across to fiddle with the radio. Being in the driver’s seat did afford some rights, and one of those was picking the radio station.
The guv'ment totally ruined my Katie & Armando, it's not nearly so easy to cross the border anymore. Giant, gaping plot holes! But if they could get across the border without being in a database, wouldn't they have an interesting few weeks together? Until she figures out who he really is, anyway...
Posted by laurie at 10:21 AM | Comments (45)
June 04, 2008
I hope you like free books!
First of all congratulations to winner Sandy from Indiana who won the book giveaway from yesterday. Thank you to all who entered, I am well and truly sorry I made it one of those post-a-comment-to-win things but it takes me a while to make the online entry form work just right and I had to do laundry when I got home from work instead of fiddle with innernet gadgets because of "not wanting to be fired for nakedness at Corporate Job."
Also don't you think there is something wrong with the world when you get home from a long day of working and commuting and so on and realize you have about two hours before you need to be in bed to start the whole thing all over again?
Yet that is not what I wanted to say. What I wanted to say was HOLY CRAP I CAN'T BELIEVE I CARRIED SO MANY BOOKS. If I ever go to the book convention again I am bringing a sherpa .... and I hope my sherpa wears nothing but a loincloth and looks just like that guy from the Transporter movies.
mmmmmmm. Loincloth.
So I am giving away not just one or two but three (!!!) Big Ol' Piles of books and you enter to win using a normal private entry form, since as a hermit myself I am sensitive to the lurk factor.
This sweepstakes is open until Sunday night at midnight Eastern time (that's 9 p.m. Pacific time and -- hey I just did math!) One entry per email address, and everyone on planet earth is eligible. Also, one of my cats was found sleeping on the flat-rate box this morning so I am also throwing in some free cat hair to one lucky winner.
I divided the books up so each pile fits in a single shipping box and if there's something in there you don't want I assume you can just give it to a friend. Many of these books are signed by the authors but some are not. I am also throwing in a signed copy of my book
Pile of Books #1:
• Purr More, Hiss Less: Heavenly Lessons I Learned From My Cat by Allia Zobel Nolan
• Supernatural Rubber Chicken: Fowl Language by D.L. Garfinkle
• The Ultimate Guide to Well Being by Jason Pegler
• The Book of Animal Ignorance by John Lloyd & John Mitchinson
• Gifts from the Mountain by Eileen McDargh
• Work's a Bitch and then You Make It Work by Andrea Kay
• The Baglady's Guide to Elegant Living by Dina Dove
• The Lace Reader by Brunonia Barry
• Charm School For Guys: How to Lose the Fugly and get some Snugly by M. Marshall
• Potluck Survival Guide by Cherie Kimmons
• Garmann's Summer by Stian Hole
Pile of Books #2:
• Maybe Baby by Matthew M. F. Miller
• The Dysfunctional Workplace by Peter Morris
• How To Break Bad News by Tim Molloy
• Jon & Jayne's Guide to Throwing, Going to and "Surviving" Parties by Jon & Jayne Doe
• Jon & Jayne's Guide to Making Friends & Getting The Guy (or Girl) by Jon & Jayne Doe
• Blackout Girl by Jennifer Storm
• Staging Your Comeback: A Complete Beauty Revival for women over 45 by Christopher Hopkins
• You Lost Him At Hello by Jess McCann
• Secrets of the Hollywood Girls Club by Maggie Marr
• Work It, Girl! Guide to professional success by Lorraine Morris Cole and Pamela M. McBride
• Divine Destiny by Gwyneth Bolton
Pile of Books #3:
• The Encyclopedia Shatnerica by Robert Schnakenberg
• Paraworld Zero by Matthew Peterson
• Fish Stew by Jack Revalle
• Kayak Reef by Bradley J. Stewart
• Einstein: His Life & Universe (large print edition) by Walter Isaacson
• Buff Dad: The 4-Week Fitness Game Plan For Real Guys by Mike Levinson
• Huck Finn & Tom Sawyer Collaboration by Mark Twain & Stephen Stewart
• The Day of The Panzer: A Story of American Heroism and Sacrifice in Southern France by Jeff Danby
Also, can I share with you the amount of everloving cat-related HELP I have at home when it comes to picture-taking?
I am just saying is all.
- - -
In other news ... when did it become June already and also why do I say that every single month as if I am unaware of the modern marvel called the "calendar"? But June seems a bit extreme, I am still wondering where March went.
I know a lot of people have been reading that Eckhart Tolle book A New Earth
It doesn't matter what people think about self-help or navel-gazing or Oprah, this idea of living life in the present is a pretty good one. It's also not my default operating system so it's something I'm trying to work on. My whole life seems like it's lived out in words inside my head, and even as a little kid I spent most of my time alone dreaming up far-away adventures and stories and making it up as I went along. There were times when the present moment kind of sucked, so daydreaming (or whatever you want to call it) was the best part of the day.
When I went through my divorce I also went through a pretty long phase I fondly refer to as My Year Of Revenge Fantasies. I would sit outside alone on my patio at night when I couldn't sleep, and I would smoke cigarettes and instead of thinking about my looming divorce or his new girlfriend or my weight gain or my total and complete fear of the future, I would just sit there and smoke and come up with all these movies in my head that basically involved me running into Mr. X and in these fantasies I was mysteriously taller and skinnier and cuter and I was with someone awesome and/or I had won a $45 million lotto or something. ANYWAY, the thread of my fantasy revolved around me running into Mr. X and the revenge was that my life was so good I no longer cared about him at all. But also you know, he could tell. Because that is how revenge fantasies work.
Also I think I was a redhead.
If I think carefully about that period of my life and then see where I am now, plug into the very present moment, it's obvious that a lot of my fantasy has come true. No, I am not tall and skinny and rich and dating some version of George Clooney, but I am genuinely happy with my life's weird path and I only think of my ex-husband in detached, random ways... like when someone asked me if I've ever been to Iceland and I said, "Yeah, I went there for a few weeks once back when I was married." I don't need revenge anymore, but at the time those fantasies helped keep me out of despair. Don't let anyone ever talk you out of being in the mad phase or the revenge phase, I think they're a logical progression toward the "sane and feeling pretty good" phase.
Smoking all that time alone on the patio was my only form of meditation until I found knitting. Knitting is many things to many people -- for me it's the activity that calms down my chatterbox brain. Like zen with a crafty flair. I also feel this way about sewing but my sewing machine is a bit bulky to take on the bus. Knitting my bazillionth scarf or hat definitely puts me in the moment, focused on the present, because if I don't concentrate I'll be ripping out rows and rows of messed up stitches! Active meditation, like knitting or sewing or crafting or writing, these keep me in the moment. The rest of the time I'm lost in my thoughts.
So I'm trying to be present -- right here right now -- more often. Daydreaming is such a habit and I think I do it because on some level I am dissatisfied with parts of my day-to-day reality. Like traffic. It makes sense that traffic isn't the highlight of my life and so I mentally start spinning a story, detaching from the slow crawl in bumper-to-bumper traffic by daydreaming of some fantasy time in some fantasy future when I don't have to commute. But habits are very clever, they sneak in and take up residence all over the place and I suspect I've been daydreaming my life away.
Dr. Wayne Dyer says that goals are sometimes a way to postpone happiness. You set a goal and say, "When I reach this goal I will be Happy. Period." So you work to achieve this goal in the future. But when it arrives, you're already on to the Next Goal and so you just keep on postponing happiness. Just like saying, "One day when I'm thin I will go on vacation." Wouldn't life be better if you didn't wait to go on vacation just because of some dumb size label on your pants?
And by "you" as always I mean "me."
Yesterday in a meeting I wanted to drift off in my head, sit on a mental beach in a cute outfit and be mentally 65 pounds lighter and watch the waves come in. But I stayed there in the conference room and focused on each person as they spoke and the meeting actually seemed less arduous somehow. Instead of drifting off or even doing that thing where you stop listening because you know what you want to say in the meeting and you are simply waiting for the right time to say your piece, I focused on each person's cadence, their words, tried to listen without saying anything in my head. Noticed each person's tie, their cufflinks, the way they held a pen or what prompted them to take notes. It wasn't a religious experience or anything -- I mean, unless you think technology infrastructure meetings are spiritual -- but it was harder to stay right there than I thought!
I've just been thinking all this stuff because I know that if I don't plug into the present moment, I'll never reach contentment. Life happens in the present moment -- not the past and not the future. If I don't plug in I'll always be stuck in an endless cycle of daydreaming about a better future, no matter how good the present is! And that seems kind of ungrateful. My life is really blessed in so many ways and if I just focus on those things and stop dreaming away the icky parts, I hope I can eliminate my habit of telling myself, "One day, when [whatever condition] occurs, I'll have more time, or be less anxious, or have more freedom. Or be happy. One day ..."
I want to plug into June so I'm not looking up from my desk soon and saying, "What the hell happened to summer? Why is it Halloween already? Why is life moving so fast? I need a minute here!"
That had nothing to do with the sweepstakes. Just blah blah blah.
Posted by laurie at 09:41 AM | Comments (89)
June 03, 2008
Mixed bag: Win something, lose something, and more pics
Before I get started with my laundry list, I wanted to show you a picture of my city as seen from the bus window this morning. I love June Gloom. Here in Los Angeles we don't get real "weather" in any meaningful way, so we have our own weather, like fire season and mudslide season and earthquake weather (total fiction, by the way) and my favorite -- June Gloom. In May we also get the occasional May Grey, it's all the same. The onshore flow of low-lying clouds gives us weather which other folks in real parts of the world would call "overcast." But we call it June Gloom, and it gives a maudlin cast to the skyline and it keeps the city cool in the mornings. And Lord knows I like cool weather!
- - -
1) Update: Today's giveway has ended
Edited to add: Hi everyone and thank you so much for all the hellos and comment-entries but I started being scared we were about to break the server again at any minute. So the sweepstakes is closed BUT a new VERY BIG book giveaway is coming tomorrow and is also way more organized. Thanks!! Today's winner announced tomorrow!
- - -
2) Plus win even more books
Later on in the week, which may or may not be "tomorrow" depending on if I can get my ducks in a row, laundry finished, etc., I'll fix the enter-to-win form so ya'll can be eligible to win a big huge stack of awesome books I picked out at the book expo. I will probably have to mail them by pony express though because of this:
Really?
Actually I saw it for $4.45/regular at the Thrifty station near my house and I yelled out the window to no one in particular, "That is so NOT the definition of Thrifty!" But anyway, you won't have to drive anywhere to get free books, I will send them right to your doorstep. So that is coming soon.
- - -
3) I love sweepstakes
One day if I do this often enough every person who has ever read this here site will win something .... my friend Allison is also giving away BEA books, so go run over there and win a few! Allison also runs the Super! SuperCrafty.com online craft store and has come up with a just-in-time-for-summer craft give-away that is so awesome, we're going to do that mid-month but I just wanted you to know we have gone give-crazy over here in Chez Cat Hair & Pals. I also amended my seven-months-of-no-shopping in the gift arena, I love giving gifts and because they don't clutter up my house (ha!) I can still buy gifts for others. A lot of folks emailed me similar things, like how they plan to cut back on clothes, but still buy books (you know I support that 100% because, hello, someone has to buy my book, right, and one day buy Sobakowa's Manifesto!) and some people said, "Good for you but if I can't buy yarn is there a purpose to life?" which I also understand. Ya'll crack me up.
- - -
4) Speaking of books
Thanks to one of my eagle-eyed commenters who let me know that my book
It seems my knitting, drinking, cat-loving ways have made men lose their damn hair! Luckily, there are several patterns for hand-knit hats in the book so I guess there's a connection after all...?
- - -
5) Mas fotos, por favor...
This is Jose:
Jose is cute (and married, before you start with the questions) and he smells good and he was a good sport and actually danced with my no-rhythm self at the party on Friday. He also sent me the only picture taken all weekend of me and Kim, who is not just my publicist but my friend and lets me talk her ear off on a regular basis about my Cancer angst:
Hello, we be drankin'!
By the way, notice the pink? Not just in my wine-cheeks this time! I took a risk this year and I wore color on both days instead of my usual head-to-toe black, which worked out OK but still there was some nervous sweating in the pittage area. Actually when I get nervous and anxious I sweat everywhere, it's just delightful. Someone was telling me I should get Botox for sweating but how would that work since nervous sweating is like a hot flash, it comes on all at once and takes over my whole body. It would be more Botox than I think is probably healthy. It's much better to stay home and be with my cats and just be a hermit most of the time and thereby avoid the stressful sweaty times, don't you agree?
But in the end I feel secretly very happy that I left my house and did all this stuff, not just this past weekend but everytime I manage it. I dread it beforehand and I panic a little, but then when I'm on the spot and have to work, I think I do ok. I say some dumb stuff and I'm awkward but at least I didn't chicken out, at least I showed up and did my best.
Things have changed a lot in the past year in a good way. Some of that is because going to events and meeting strangers is no longer all so new and unknown, and of course there's the beta blockers for the flight-or-fight anxiety, but I think in many ways I'm just less critical of myself than in the past. I used to re-hash every conversation for hours, beating myself up for the dumb stuff I said, or for misspelling someone's name, or not remembering a name, or for tripping over my own shoes (which I did once again this year IN THE BOOTH in front of 200 people. Awesome!) (But whatevs. They were cute shoes, so there.)
When I had that meltdown in the Nashville airport it kind of started something in me where I just let go. Let go of my fear and anxiety of never measuring up, let go of my dire people-pleasing expectations, and finally let go of trying to be anything to anyone. It's a process, I still have my people-pleasing pile of crap I lug around, but it's not the sole purpose of my life anymore. You can't please people all the time. It's a totally empty goal because you always fail. All I can do is my best and you know what? Doing your best really is good enough.
Even if your best is a little sweaty around the edges.
- - -
6) And finally, a bumper sticker I can get behind
Oh yeah, I am SO with you on that one!!!!
(Comments are now closed, thank you everyone!)
Posted by laurie at 09:03 AM | Comments (437)
June 02, 2008
Welcome to the Jungle, we've got fun and books....
The best part of the book expo? The free books! Free wine! Meeting my new boyfriend! (More on that later.)
The worst part of the Book Expo? Me talking to strangers!
Also to Melissa, who had the unfortunate experience of meeting me after two looooong days and I was exhausted, hungry, overwhelmed, and trying to hide in the back warehouse, I am really sorry about calling your boss your MOM. People think I kid about my social ineptitude and anxiety until they have to spend more than four minutes with me.
Ah, good times.
So, this year's Book Expo America started out on the note of awesomeness with a visit from The Yarn Harlot:
If you wondered, Stephanie Pearl-McPhee is just pretty freaking awesome. She's down to earth and gracious, and I was so happy to see her again this year. Knitters have to stick together, ya'll! Plus you know how I feel about Canadians.
Also, tomorrow I will be giving away a free! signed! copy! of her book plus a preview of her next book to some lucky dog, so if I lose you with the drunkenness below at least come back for the knitting tomorrow.
Then after we visited and chitchatted, I sat at my little table and signed some books. Halfway through my signing, Faith grabbed the sharpie out of my hand and said, "I HAVE TO GO NOW." Which is usually the sort of ridiculous thing I would do, so I was surprised because Faith is much more stable in the brain area than I am. So I just sat there for a moment trying to smile at the lady whose book I was not signing, as I was now sans pen, and that is when I noticed Faith was having her neck autographed. Which is when I noticed that the dude autographing her body was OH MY GOD THAT IS SLASH FROM GUNS N ROSES OH MY GOD.
Whereupon I immediately abandoned my table and forgot all about booksigning because SLASH!!!!!!
So, as you can see from this picture, he is so my boyfriend. Also, he is so virile I am certain that from our proximity and our happiness I am now carrying his child. Faith is probably pregnant, too. That Slash -- he sure gets around. In fact, he also got around with Kelly from HCI:
She may be skinnier than me but I am with child, obviously.
There were other famous people floating around, but you will be happy to know none of them impregnated me:
That's Nellie Olsen from Little House on the Prairie!!!!
And Jack Canfield, who I am certain was impressed that I didn't spill anything on him this year.
Sadly, most of the rest of my pictures look like this:
There is an explanation, it is called "Open Bar Syndrome." It is really hard on the focus mechanism.
Also, these two people are either the result of a wine-drenched photographer or they are in the Witness Protection Program:
I did manage a picture of me and Matt Miller, one of the awesomest other HCI authors I got to meet over the weekend and he is also a blog-turned-book first-time author. He chronicled the struggle he and his wife have had with infertility in an upcoming book called Maybe Baby
You can pre-order his book Maybe Baby
Another awesome writer I met was first-time author Chip St. Clair, who I have no pictures of because I am losing my stalker touch apparently, but he wrote an excellent book called The Butterfly Garden
Oh. I would also like to apologize to Tom:
Um, that thing about me foisting myself on you and trying to get you to salsa dance with me to some rap song? TOTALLY SEAN GEARY'S IDEA.
So, in conclusion, it was a good, exhausting, fun weekend and I manged not to get fired from the publishing world. I think.
Me and Faith. Guess who was the designated driver?
Posted by laurie at 08:29 AM | Comments (86)
May 29, 2008
See you at the Book Expo!
Book Expo America at the Convention Center in Los Angeles
I will be signing books at the HCI booth and also in the main autographing area, so if you are attending and you get a chance stop by and say hey. Free books rock!
Friday, May 30 at 2:30 p.m.
In-Booth signing at the HCI Booth #2947
Saturday, May 31 at 11:30 a.m.
In-Booth signing at the HCI Booth #2947
SATURDAY, May 31, 2008 from 3 p.m. - 4 p.m.
BEA GENERAL AUTOGRAPHING AREA, I'm at Table # 15
See you there!
Posted by laurie at 03:52 PM | Comments (0)
May 21, 2008
Wednesday and that's it.
1) Blob
Bob found my post-it note highlighter pen, probably my most prized posession, and during the day while I was away earning money for his Meow Mix, he removed each little post-it flag. How do I know it was him? He still had four of them stuck to his body when I got home.
2) He must take after me -- as I am clearly a genius
Yesterday someone sent me a really great notice looking for freelance writers for a project that sounded right up my everloving comma splicing alley. Lord knows I don't sleep and could fill that time writing anonymously about Who Knows What. So I jotted off a quick note to them -- pick me! pick me! -- and later I saw that my email about a freelance writing gig contained a typo. I ROCK.
Maybe later I will volunteer as an alcohol counselor... can we hold sessions at a bar? No? Or perhaps I will send out my next book proposal on my Elvis bubblejet printer stationary. That would show people how COOL and PUBLISHY I am.
3) The copy machine ate my memo
One of the things I enjoy most about This Corporation is how awesome people are, they're generally very nice. I like all the people I work with, and that has never happened in all of history.
Yesterday one of my coworkers and I were chitchatting and she asked, "Do you need a flat iron to get your hair that straight?"
"No," I said. "It's just this dismal naturally."
"Oh, it's not bad," she said. What did I tell you? People here are nice! "It's just that, wow. Your hair is really straight," she said.
And I just knew she must be thinking what torture it was for me to try to be cute in the 1980s, what with my freakishly straight hair and all. So pre-emptively, I said, "Yeah, it was really hard in the hair days of the 80s!"
And she just looked at me, kind of blankly. Nary a gleam of Rave #4 recognition flickered in her pretty brown eyes.
Then I realized she was TOO FREAKING YOUNG to have known the big hair salad days of the 1980s.
I took a mental Geritol and walked away.
4) My new brother is cuter than all of us other kids combined
Tomorrow I have a dentist appointment that will last approximately 19 hours, none of them involving anesthesia or a tequila drip. I like my dentist but I do hate visiting him. So I will be off getting tortured and then later, recovering, and then later "Trying to get a life over the weekend."
In lieu of other exciting things I might post, such as the time I watched paint dry, I will instead leave you with images of the Cutest Thing Ever. In fact, I have already booked my ticket for a plane ride back to see my folks this summer, except I am going to need a much roomier carry-on bag because my little furry friend won't fit neatly inside my current handbag without my parents noticing I am dognapping. Of course I could always get out my giant black patent handbag, Lord knows he'd fit in there. It is roomy.
What I am saying to you here is that all other members of my family have just fallen way down on the list of People Who Matter because of this guy:
Oh God. The Cuteness.
It makes me want a puppy so bad but I'm never home enough and the cats would be all mad about it and it's too hot in the Valley for a dog to stay out in my yard all day while I bask in the cool Arctic office air. SO I am living vicariously through my parents. They read all their Welsh Corgi books ahead of time and studied the dog training manuals and then practiced dog whispering or whatever, with a cocktail I assume, and so on until they were PREPARED for the interloper. And then they picked him up last Saturday and within about two and a half minutes this little five-pound rolypoly of a puppy was declared the pack leader and he now rules the entire family and they do his bidding and bring him fresh water when his bowl is getting tepid.
As it should be.
And my parents did finally pick a name for him, he is called "Chivas" after the brand of Scotch they like. It's ... a Regal name. And people wonder where I get my drinking humor from!! APPLE: NOT FALLING FAR FROM TREE.
But right now I think they just call him "Awwwwyou'resodamncute!" He's the new favorite member of the family, and they have already declared he is the smartest dog that ever lived. They are very objective.
Have a great rest of the week. Watch for falling typos.
Posted by laurie at 08:57 AM | Comments (141)
May 20, 2008
Nothing to say turned into a few more paragraphs than I expected.
I just woke up wanting today to be a good day, a better day. It's not hot and for that me and my pores thank the Lord. One would think that overactive pores (also knows as "My face sweats.") would be the sign of perfect skin. One would think.
My parents are so cute, I'm going to visit this this summer. My face will sweat.
Yesterday my friend Dollie sent me some pictures from a college reunion they had recently and I got to see pictures of people I haven't seen in forever. There were pictures in there of faces I haven't thought of in over a decade, faces I kind-of remembered and some who I couldn't believe how much they'd stayed the same, or how much I used to enjoy their company. There was a photo of a girl -- well, a full-grown woman now -- who used to be my closest friend on the planet. And another picture of a guy I used to have a burning desperate crush on.
They were all older by me than a year or two and part of the Incredibly Cool Theatre Crowd. At the time I was a bowheaded sorority chick, or at least that's how most of them saw me. Or so I thought -- looking back I can't tell if I was excluded or just so self-conscious about never fitting in, which I just never have, somehow always living two steps to the left of where everyone else seems to be and it's only recently that I just accepted it and stopped even trying to fit in. Because who fits in, anyway, really? And what is there to fit into, except some jeans?
But back then I was just tangential to that group, the friend of the girl I mentioned so I tagged along from time to time. She was my best friend and we were roommates during her last year in college when I was still a sophomore and still trying to fit in anywhere, with someone. We used to have parties and her friends would come and a few of them were really nice to me which I always saw as a sign of their deeper kindness in general, since bubbly sorority chicks weren't really a great mixer to their college-life drink of choice. (Coincidentally, I didn't fare any better at frat parties, either, always wondering when people would see that I was a sham sorority girl, not committed on the inside, never able to remember where my pin was or when it was OK to wear it.) Later, after my roommate had graduated and her theatre crowd friends had all moved on to Chicago or Real Life, I stayed in school and went inactive in my sorority and made friends with a wide array of other don't-fit-ins, and I think I started to love college then, just as it was ending.
Peer groups are such strange things, aren't they? I think the age 19-through-30 is a really hard decade. You think you have to have all the answers, know who you are and where you're headed and WHO WITH and WHY and you chastise yourself, you have to be on track. Be grown. Have it all figured out. There's a kind of intensity and fatalism about the 20s, like your life is just spinning away from you and you better get it going right now!
I don't miss that feeling of being in my 20s at all. But it was so nice to see all her pictures and laugh and look back and remember that whole time. I miss Southerners. Don't get me wrong, I love Los Angeles and it's my city -- no other place I've been to has such a wide assortment of don't-fit-ins who also have given up on trying to fit in. But I do miss Southerners, who somehow never all the way forget you and have reunions and make family out of groups.
I was trying to explain to someone recently why I love Los Angeles so much. I think it's because this is such a hopeful city. You come here and you know deep inside that anything could happen. You could be living in a one-bedroom apartment in North Hollywood and barely making rent one week and the next week you have a sitcom. Or the waiter who's bringing you your Cobb salad with the dressing on the side could get his screenplay optioned tomorrow. Or you could be here from Jalisco or Zacatecas and two weeks in you found a job making more money then you did in a month back home. It's that kind of town. And that sort of expectant hopefulness pervades the whole city, even if you can't feel it all the time I still think it's there, propping up all our crazy dreams.
I like it here but I still miss other places. Always just two shades to the left of wherever.
Posted by laurie at 08:41 AM | Comments (48)
May 19, 2008
Dear Book Expo, have you lost weight? You look great in those jeans!
Last year I got invited to my very first ever Book Expo America (people in the know call it "BEA" and I swear I went around for two months thinking they were saying something in French everytime I heard it, then I clued in) (Laurie: not a fast learner) anyway! Last year I was just a big ol' mess. I was scared and nervous and painfully afraid of public speaking and I had a flop-sweat problem. A very serious flop-sweat issue. I was assigned a media coach and I felt bad because I wasn't any better at speaking by the time I arrived in New York, I think I may have been even worse actually, and if you ever see me in person ask me to tell you the story of the time I left the stage and burst into tears and my microphone was still on. And the audio guy saw my spanx, but not in a good way. It is a hee-larious story, but only if I tell it in person because involves arm gesturing and dramatics. Also, nevermind, it's a painful story.
Anyway, last year I was terrified of everything, especially meeting selfhelpy-supastar Jack Canfield and spilling my drink on him and/or knocking over the entire booth on him. And my parents were there and I said the "F" word in front of them accidentally. Then I did it again FOUR TIMES. And one of the waiters in New York City made fun of me and called me Scarlett O'Hara and how come he didn't know HE WAS THE ONE WHO TALKED FUNNY. And we couldn't get a cab, ever, and I almost mugged a guy on the street for a cigarette (luckily my parents were there and how I managed that weekend without smoking is a miracle) and also I had a psychotic episode in the hotel and yelled at Faith. Really it is a true testament to our friendship that she still speaks to me.
HAVING SAID ALL OF THAT, it is that time of the year again. The Book Expo is coming. I am still a social nervouswreck but now I have medication. Thank you, Dr. Kurt! People on the book tour were like, "You're not nervous! You made it up!" and I said, "Had a nervous breakdown in New York, then got Beta Blockers." And people laughed like I would joke about chemistry. Weirdos.
This year I am less terrified about the book expo because I have realized so much about publishing in the past twelve months. For one thing, publishing is drunk most of the time and very self-involved and not paying any attention to me at all. It is a relief! Publishing is also crazy. You know all those ridiculous and completely nutty things that spring forth from my mouth with no filtering mechanism at all? The things that make me wonder if my day-job employer will develop a case of pink slip? Yes, well, these delightful verbal trip-ups may not go over with applause in the hallowed halls of finance but in publishing it just makes me another "author." Publishing does not care that I am ridiculous. Publishing INVENTED ridiculous.
And, best of all, this time the book expo is being held right here in my beloved Los Angeles!!!! It's on my turf, homey, so don't be telling me I talk funny or I'll drop you on the 405 without a Thomas Guide. Yo.
So I'm really excited about BEA (so in the know!) this year. I'm going to the cocktail parties and if I spill something on Peter Vegso I will blame it on someone else. Publishing likes blame. Also, I believe publishing enjoys conspiracy theories and that is exactly how I plan to explain the flop sweat.
Because you know, some things don't change overnight.
DETAILS!!!
Book Expo America:
May 30- June 1, at the Convention Center in Los Angeles
I will be signing books at the HCI booth and in the main autographing area, so if you are attending and you get a chance stop by and say hey. I will give you a free book and a ridiculous drunken publishing greeting!
Friday, May 30, 2008 at 2:30 p.m.
In-Booth signing at the HCI Booth #2947
Saturday, May 31, 2008 at 11:30 a.m.*
In-Booth signing at the HCI Booth #2947
* Ought to be delightful as all the cocktail parties are Friday night. Dear Convention Center, may I sleep on your floor?
SATURDAY, MAY 31, 2008 -- 3 p.m. - 4 p.m.
BEA GENERAL AUTOGRAPHING AREA
(I'm at Table # 15)
See you there, fellow crazies!
Posted by laurie at 08:33 AM | Comments (52)
May 17, 2008
Saturday and final winner....
Congratulations from reader from Anne S. from Also I Do Not Know Where, as she has not responded yet to my email of winningness. Unless the name of her town is "@yahoo.com" which I kind of doubt. Next time I will maybe be more organized and pick winners the night before. Maybe.
But it's Saturday and hotter than heck already and I have to go get my errands done in the next little bit -- someone has no air conditioning in her vehicle, ahem -- so comments are closed because it's just too damn hot to comment. Really now!
Thanks to everyone who entered (this was fun!). I love giving stuff away so hopefully someone from some corporation out there who has stuff, like air-conditioned cars or yarn or George Clooney clones or what have you, will email me poste haste and tell me they have great stuff they are dying for me to raffle off.Heh!
Have a good weekend!
Posted by laurie at 08:33 AM | Comments (0)
May 16, 2008
Friday winner
Our Friday and next-to-last-day winner is Sue F. from I Do Not Know Where, as she has not answered her happy email yet. BUT! Happy Friday and happy winning!!!!!
P.S. Check your email.
P.P.S. You still have one last chance to win! Read about the sweepstakes if you haven't already, and enter to win right here. All previous entries are valid for the final draw!
Posted by laurie at 09:32 AM | Comments (4)
May 15, 2008
Thursday winner!
CONGRATULATIONS Justin from Pennsylvania! You are officially the first guy to win anything on this website, I hope that makes your mama proud. It makes me proud :) Also, I happen to know (because I snoop on ya'lls links) that he is a Virgo, and Virgos love Envirosax.
That is my story and I am sticking to it. CONGRATS!!!
- - -
Also, new winner tomorrow! Read about the sweepstakes if you haven't already, and enter to win right here.
Posted by laurie at 08:38 AM | Comments (14)
May 14, 2008
Wednesday Winner!
Congrats to Lucia in Boston -- you know I believe Lucia has been reading this here website since 2004 and never won a single thing and I am so happy to say, YOU WON! Also, go buy a lotto ticket tonight, lady. You're on a winning streak :)
ALSO -- did ya'll know Lucia has FREE knitting patterns on the innernets? Go see!
That is about all I can write today because OH MY GOD. Work is hard. Apparently I can not just sit here and daydream about Zappos all day while multitasking with coffee-drinking, I have to get proverbial butt in non-metaphorical high gear. Sad, I tell you what.
But yay Lucia! Also, new winner tomorrow! Read about the sweepstakes if you haven't already, and enter to win right here.
If you have already entered your name is still good to go for the next drawing. Except Suzi, who already won. And Lucia. And Zappos.
Posted by laurie at 11:38 AM | Comments (34)
May 13, 2008
Tuesday winner!
Congratulations to Suzi in Fullerton, your package is in the mail ... tomorrow because I totally forgot to bring a book in today. I need an assistant! Named Julio, who is 18 and very tan....
New winner tomorrow! Read about the sweepstakes if you haven't already, and enter to win right here.
If you have already entered your name is still good to go for the next drawing. Except Suzi, who already won. And Julio.
Posted by laurie at 10:53 AM | Comments (18)
May 12, 2008
Put that in your bag and smoke it!
The cool people at Envirosax contacted me a few weeks ago (just after I extolled their mighty nylon virtues right here in a fit of earth-friendly happiness) and they offered to provide me with five sets of rockstar Envirosax to give away to my readers. Each set contains five bags from the Green Grocer collection:
And it was smart of them to offer up the Green Grocer bags, they're colorful but not printed with a pattern so that if you aren't a floral fan or mad about mod, you're still winning a great bag. The only nit is that the handy carrying cases for the set are backordered so the winners of this here sweepstakes will be carrycase-less. But still, winners will be five Envirosax richer!
So go over and enter the give-away today at crazyauntpurl.com/sweepstakes. There will be five winners and each winner will get a set of five cool Envirosax plus a signed copy of my book just because. The book has nothing to do with Envirosax but I like to give, and I only have three cats so ... books it is!
The rules are pretty simple:
• You get one entry per email address (the duplicates will be filtered out.)
• Any person from anywhere on planet earth is eligible to win.
• I will draw one winner at random starting tomorrow morning and do so for five days (math challenged? that means the final winner will be announced on Saturday morning.)
• All email entries from any day of the week are eligible for each drawing, meaning that if you enter today you will be eligible for all five drawings!
• As usual, I never re-purpose, re-sell or re-distribute your email address. I have enough issues with spam, I certainly wouldn't spam you!
So that's the big Monday goings on here at Chez Bagpipes, and each day this week I will draw a new winner's name from the pile and announce it here in between the normal goings on which tomorrow involve zucchini. Or at least I think they're zucchini. God only knows what is happening in my yard.
- - - -
Posted by laurie at 08:43 AM | Comments (82)
May 06, 2008
The buck of the collective state of insanity stops... there. Way over there.
I don't want to generalize or anything, because generalizing is wrong (yet so convenient!), but it seems like every human being on the planet is cranky and combative these days. I am rounding up of course, since I have not met every human.
Perhaps it's a widespread low-level depression, or a collective free-floating anxiety. Maybe it is a combination of financial stresses from an economy that is currently at a terror threat level of "Industrial Concrete Grey" -- that is the color they paint the inside of debtor's prison. People at the gas stations all across America are mad, people at gas stations in other countries are mad at Americans for being mad, and people in grocery stores everywhere are downright pissy.
This is because stuff is expensive. I am not so good at math, but I estimate everything at the store to be one gazillion times more expensive than this time last year. Give or take ten dollars.
Or maybe people are overwhelmed from the constant blaring news headlines yelling at us emphatically about how something new is going to kill you, maim you or rob you blind... tune in at ten for more details. (I always want to know... if something is THAT important, shouldn't you tell me now instead of making me tune in at ten p.m.? What if I get killed, maimed or robbed blind between now and ten? Where is your commitment to my well-being?)
People also seem poised to argue any point at any time no matter if that point has any bearing on anything at all. It is kind of like being in high school debate class when you got SO MAD about that thing that time ... and you can't really remember what it was but you were still SO RIGHT. For example, if you say, "Hey I saw a cute movie pre-teen girls might like..." people say, "You're an jerk who is perpetuating stereotypes about the differences between boys and girls!" If you say, "What can I use in this smoothie besides a banana?" someone writes you an email demanding to know what you have against nature's finest fruit. "How dare you malign the poor banana? People in other countries DIE to produce your banana!" And you are left to wonder A) when bananas became so dangerous and B) who has time to sit around scolding strangers about their smoothie contents.
What I am saying here is that everyone is batshit crazy right now and I believe it is global. It cannot possibly be limited to Encino-Adjacent and one block of downtown Los Angeles.
In full disclosure and with a nod to the observer effect on scientific research, I admit that I myself am not immune from the global beserkedness. No, I truly do believe that much like charity, true crazy starts at home. Case in point: last week I passively aggressively confronted the Coffee Pot Bandit. I saw him leave the coffee pot at work dry TWO DAYS IN A ROW and I lost my damn mind. Over a coffee pot. First (on Day One) I just stood in shock that he drained the coffee pot before my very eyes and sauntered off with nary a nod to a coffee filter. When I returned to my senses, I did the only thing I could -- I made faces at his retreating back as I held my empty coffee cup of rage. Later I tried to get my Deepak on and lower my blood pressure by imagining that Coffee Pot Bandit was actually working on a proposal to cure cancer so I cut him some slack and made a fresh pot of coffee and called it a day. Breathe in, breathe out, etc. But then when he repeated his performance the following day, I remembered OH YEAH, I WORK AT A BANK so he was totally NOT CURING CANCER! Then I was mad and confrontational! Later I told a joke about cameltoe. No one laughed. My whole day was just not right.
I would also like to mention I outweigh Coffee Pot Bandit by about forty pounds and he better not meet me in a dark alley. NOT THAT I AM HOLDING A GRUDGE OR ANYTHING.
It just seems like any old thing will set someone off these days ... even though coffee, in my defense, is more expensive per gallon than premium unleaded. (Or at least I think it is, it was a few days ago when I was formulating this hypothesis ... I haven't filled up my Jeep today and I could be wrong.) In just the past week I have seen a man on the bus yell at a woman for talking on her phone, I have witnessed two people get in a fight over a parking space at a grocery store, and I have seen a crazy person confront a poor unsuspecting coworker about leaving the coffee pot dry.
In my scientific reasoning brain, the one I use for making up statistics and also fooling people into thinking I am smart, I have surmised from my serious research of the topic that 97.3% of the population of Earth is collectively disgruntled and we need a vacation.
That is pretty much the end of my research. Because as you know, it's really expensive to fly anywhere or drive anywhere and people are really irritable when they travel. I am thinking a vacation alone in the bathtub might be nice.
I do not know what the solution is... prozac dispensers in the hallways? Rum in the water supply? Gnomes who turn into male dancers named Fox? I do not know, I don't posit solutions I merely observe for science. But we should all agree right now to leave the coffee pot full at all times because until they invent a hybrid version of me that runs on part electric, part caffeine I really need at least that particular cup to runneth over.
Finally, in conclusion, ad nauseum, ipsum lorem dolar, I am certain there are people who will argue this hypothesis of mine. They will say, "But you're wrong! I'm not cranky or argumentative! I'm great! I feel happy and joyful!" and there is an explanation for this anomaly: these people are aliens. Because science doesn't lie.
Also if you know about any gnomes that turn into hot male dancers named Fox... do not hesitate to share this data with me. I will research the matter and report back to you. In the name of science.
Posted by laurie at 08:09 AM | Comments (193)
April 30, 2008
(no name yet)
So, there are some very important things happening in my life right now. Also, "important" is a word which varies based on who is using it, for example my boyfriend Al Gore may say he has important things happening in his life and you know, he's getting the Nobel Peace Prize. Usually when I speak of important things happening in my life it means I finally found a brand of panties that don't ride up. So what I am saying here is that it varies from person to person.
Very Important Thing #1:
Finally, like a bad fever or something, my state of grumpiness broke around 5 p.m. yesterday. Nothing happened to trigger it, I was just listening to music on my ipod and I realized I was no longer walking around with my face scrunched up.
Very Important Thing #2:
The weather has finally cooled down to a tolerable level. This is excellent news. I did not want summer in April.
Very Important Thing #3:
This one is really the most important thing, the other two were just teasers, although having my panties out of my butt and also having my face non-scrunched are pretty good. But this is BETTER than good news. This is GREAT news.
I am getting a new brother!!!!!!!
That's right, my parents are getting a Welsh Corgi puppy and he is sure to become The New Favorite Child as soon as they can bring him home in a few weeks. That's fine with me, besides I am really excited to have a brother who is obedience trained, the other two are really out of hand. Especially my older brother who is just a real piece of work. I of course am perfect.
Also, please note that I am the editor of this column and what I say has been fact-checked by me and is true. To me.
ANYWAY, my new puppybrother has no name yet! Last night on the phone I gave my two cents which was met by many groans and sighs. You see, when I was a baby I got a stuffed animal dog who I named Sam and carried around through thick and thin, dirt and bathtime. I LOVED that Sam. Then a few years later for Christmas I got another stuffed animal dog who looked just like Sam only smaller. So he was Little Sam and first Sam became Big Sam. After that all my dogs, real and stuffed, were named Sam. Or Charley. I have only owned dogs named Sam or Charley and I think this has worked out really well for me and for our family as a whole so I don't understand why they won't name him Sam or Charley, depending on his personality.
But my parents do not share my predilection which is why I guess we kids aren't all named Guy #1, Guy #2 and Guy #3.
So, what do you think they ought to name my new puppybrother?
Isn't he the cutest? Doesn't he look like me a little, especially around the nose?
Needs a name!
Posted by laurie at 07:54 AM | Comments (257)
April 25, 2008
Bookworm
There is nothing better in this world than spending a day completely sucked into an awesome book.
Somewhere around mid-2006 I realized I wasn't doing much reading. I was knitting and writing and working and commuting and carrying on ... but not much reading was happening in my limited free time. I didn't want to give up my commute-time knitting for reading so I discovered the audiobook and life was lovely. Exhausting, but lovely. And things have kind of progressed at that level, with me downloading all kinds of great books and lectures and finally I discovered podcasts and that is delightful, etc. And then I went on a little vacation at the end of March and found myself in a strange place with an ipod that was on the fritz and no TV. No TV! No ipod!
Whatever would I do?
Good thing I packed some books and I could kick it old school, me and the paperback. YES I JUST SAID KICK IT OLD SCHOOL.
I'd brought a few philosophical and self-helpish pieces I needed to read for research and I packed a Joseph Conrad I'd been meaning to read for oh ... 15 years ... because I am nothing if not behind on my to-do list. I also packed an Anne Rivers Siddons paperback (love me some paperback romance) and then there was the Jodi Picoult.
I SO did not want to buy or read that book. My friend Courtney has been telling me for a while that I needed to read something by Jodi Picoult because she's an author who writes prolifically and has a huge fan base and blah blah blah good for understanding the market. But every time I went to the bookstore I'd read the blurbs on the backs of her books and they all seemed so depressing. I am all about the feeling BETTER in my limited time here on earth. I don't want to volunteer and pay money to feel BAD. That is just crazytalk. This is why I stopped watching the news.
Oh, yeah. I stopped watching the news. It started by accident, really, not as a statement to the world or a life change or anything. The local news was showing a really wretched story over and over again on the TV and I just decided to avoid TV news for a week or so until it all went away because I was crying before work every morning about some horrible thing that had happened in some other state to people I did not even know. I thought, "Maybe I should stop watching the news in the morning while I'm getting ready for work. I can watch the weather channel if I need to feel connected to the traffic alerts." That's why I watched the morning news anyway, for traffic and weather.
There is no way to avoid the news entirely, of course, since the elevators at work show nonstop news all day. And WHY do we need TV in the elevator? Why? Is fifteen seconds of silence too much time alone, untended? All that screen in the elevator seems to do is shout nonstop about the election or polls or pundits and so before long I found myself stopping ALL my news watching at home, even the nightly network news. (Full disclosure: I do watch "The Daily Show" which is now my main source of TV news. I am so Gen XYZ123.) It hadn't occurred to me how much news I watch and read -- I am and will always be a newspaper girl, so to this day I won't even consider giving up the paper -- but that's reading, which is different from watching what a network feeds you, which is what I realized I had been doing for a very long time.
And I guess things went on pretty much the same in the TV department except in January I cut out the news. Then one day I was programming the Tivo to record the about-to-air new season of American Idol and it showed all the episodes coming up -- it was something like 36 hours of television programming for one show. ONE SHOW. And I sat down right there on the floor and on the back of the light bill I added up how many shows I watch a week and with "Dancing with the Stars" coming up and a new season of "Survivor" and you know I love my Oprah and add in some CSI, or The Closer or whatever... it came out to something like 45+ hours a week of television. Even if you skip through the ads and the boring challenges and the singers you don't like, people. THAT IS A LOT OF TEEVEE.
So I opted out of all reality, including Dancing and American Idol and Survivor and I cannot believe it -- but I lived to tell the tale. I am still alive. It is maybe a miracle.
And so anyway, back to the original thread of this story which started about 17 paragraphs ago, when I found myself on vacation with no TV and no ipod and no movies I started in on my pile of books. I think I read six books in five days and it was AWESOME.
Usually I listen to books in audio form while I commute and multitask. But it was awesome not to multitask. In fact, I am here today to share with you the truth: I HATE MULTITASKING. It felt decadent and delicious to sink into a good book and sit still and read, just get sucked into a good story and forget everything on the to-do list, forget all the worries and anxieties of real life.
And my friend Courtney was right to insist I pick up a Jodi Picoult book. I decided on "My Sister's Keeper
And it sucked me in! The storytelling was careful, the characters were interesting and the plot was intriguing. I really could not pull myself out of that book, I think I stayed up half the night to finish it. I went online to amazon.com to find the link to it and I started reading the reviews and I was surprised to see so many bad 1-star reviews. This is why I don't read reviews. They usually have more to do with the person leaving the review than they do the book itself. Or maybe I just have less desire to critique books now since I know how hard it is to write one and I'm all, "Good on you for finishing this whole thing!"
Also -- did you know you burn more calories from reading a book than you do while watching TV? Seriously. That's scientific facts right there.
So what are you reading? Got any good book recommendations? Right now I'm reading Le Mariage
• Plain Truth
• Prep
• The Years of Extermination
I don't have as much time as I like for reading, but I'm thinking that freeing the Tivo list of so many programs will help. I find it really hard to relax in the tiny spaces I manage to have for myself, and I guess it became habitual to use TV as a perfect way to zone out, calm my mind down. But books are good for getting my mind off the worries and to-do lists, too.
If only vacation were a full-time job and reading could be my full-time zen...
But hey, at least it's Friday.
Posted by laurie at 02:00 PM | Comments (201)
April 18, 2008
Change of Email ... and moolah
Please update your address books, do people still have address books these days? From now on, please use the cool new email page if you need to email me. Or the cats. You can also find that link in the main navigation at the top right-hand side of this website, cleverly named E-Mail.
This new system is awesome and will help filter out the spam and hopefully help me improve my response time to email which is right now something like 2.75 years per letter. Or maybe I will still be slow and poor at corresponding, but either way it will filter out the spam and for that I am thrilled.
Also on the subject of change... have you noticed the changes to the five dollar bill? I got one the other day and I stared at it for a good long while wondering if I had just been slipped a fake fiver. Then with my massive powers of deductive reasoning I decided it must be REAL because no counterfeiter would go crazypants and make a bill with a giant purple 5 on the back. You'd never guess I work in the world of finance, would you?
Posted by laurie at 11:53 AM | Comments (48)
April 11, 2008
Katie & Armando, Part II
Sarah Everhart had lived two houses down from Katie and Ernie for five years. She’d felt envious on more than one occasion of Katie’s childless freedom, jealous of the tiny convertible she drove.
“That woman will not appreciate that car until she has a baby of her own and can’t find room for the car seat and the diaper bag,” she told her husband, as Katie tore off with the radio blaring some unintelligible Spanish ballad. “She better enjoy it now.”
Three weeks later, as Sarah fixed her makeup for the KABC news interview, she wondered what awful criminal had found Katie in her car, top-down, music loud. She wondered if the ten pounds added by TV cameras was a myth. She said aloud to her husband, “If there’s anything good to be said, at least they didn’t have children. Can you imagine?”
- - -While Sarah Everhart was readying for her close up, Katie was lying on a double bed in a beachside motel in northern Mexico. She stretched, slowly, feeling each muscle. She liked the burn, the deep down ache, that came with every stretch. It had been a good night, a crazy uninhibited night, and she rolled over into the empty place where Manny had been and rubbed her face into his pillow. She could still feel him, male and warm, and their smells mixed together on the rumpled sheets and pillows.
Her kidnapping had gone exactly as planned. Armando had met her at 9:30 a.m. in the parking lot of a West Los Angeles mall. Her two duffel bags, both new, carried the only reminders of her past life. That’s how she thought of it now -- her past life. She had gone shopping for a few new things, some T-shirts and shorts and a backless dress that Ernie would have been embarrassed by. He maybe would have remarked she ought to hit the gym a few times before wearing that dress in public.
Armando had told her exactly where to park, the structure was old and the only security cameras were at the front entrance. She had thrown the duffel bags into the back of his waiting truck and kissed him on the neck. They both acted like it was a little weekend trip, no big deal, just park your car in that spot right there, OK?
As she pulled herself into the passenger seat of Armando's truck it crossed her mind that Ernie would just now be getting ready for his 10 a.m. staff meeting. The whole day was just beginning, really.
She pushed that thought out of her mind, shut the truck door and pocketed her old car keys. She’d get rid of the keys somewhere else.
They had missed the worst of the morning commuter traffic and Armando pulled the truck onto the freeway headed south towards San Diego. They didn’t talk much, didn’t stop even for gas. Manny had been as prepared as she was.
Even if Katie had backed out at the last minute you could always use a full tank of gas.
Poor Katie, she has NO IDEA what she's gotten herself into. She's a coward, really. But a romantic coward I guess. It's hard to like her sometimes.
When I first introduced Katie & Armando, I was talking about how at some point "Katie & Armando" had become synonymous in my life with "Someday." As in, "someday I will have a life that is perfectly settled and then, when that ideal time arrives, I'll have the time and energy and know-how to make my dreams come true."
I was surprised how many people emailed me or commented that they related to my craziness. And even more surprised by how many people confessed that they had a Katie & Armando of their very own -- they wanted to write their own book or build their own proverbial ark or travel somewhere or organize their craft room or decorate the house or plant a real garden or find a new job, but were also putting it off until "someday" when conditions were just right.
Some folks said "someday" stayed far away because they were too afraid of the problems that might happen or situations that hadn't yet transpired. It was interesting and surprising to me to hear it because you know, I thought I was the only one who worried about that stuff.
One evening last fall I was driving home from work in my Jeep. It was late, I'd been working some long hours to complete a project and the bus only runs until 6:30, so I'd had to drive for two weeks in a row. Traffic was bad and I was grumpy and hungry and I was really angry. I'd had a bad conversation with someone and we'd argued and I was crazy upset about it.
That night I spent the entire drive home having an angry and cutting conversation with the offender. She wasn't in the car with me, mind you. We weren't on the phone. I was completely alone, and I gave her a piece of my mind, oh you know I did. I carefully rehearsed how I'd say each verbal bombshell and when I thought through her every response I got angry all over again. I felt betrayed and misunderstood and I kept on and on at it, saying and re-saying everything I wished I'd said the first go around.
When I pulled into my neighborhood I noticed my house looked weird. It looked weird because it wasn't my house! I was so wrapped up in my mental dramatics that I had turned onto the wrong street. That's when it dawned on me -- I must have spent a good hour and a half having an imaginary confrontation with someone who was most likely already home and having dinner, blissfully unaware of me and my emotional tsunami. I'd not only re-hashed the event twenty times, I'd conjured up an entire NEW argument and given us both speaking parts in a play of my mind's making (my speaking parts were far more eloquent, of course.)
I'd wasted all that energy on one thing that was past and something new that hadn't even happened yet.
And in fact the big, eloquent and acerbic confrontation of my imagination never happened. The next day I woke up and shrugged the whole thing off. The person I'd quarreled with left me a conciliatory voicemail and in time the entire event just washed away, all that energy wasted on nothing. Crazy.
I'm glad I pulled into the wrong driveway that night. It woke me up a little, snapped me out of my head. I try to catch myself before I get too far inside my head with stuff like that anymore, like spending three days before my dentist appointment already feeling the pain. I try not to waste two weeks before a vacation worrying about the stuff that could go wrong. Sometimes I can't stop the chattering in my brain so I get out a pen and a piece of paper and I write it all down, every worry and every fear and every possible scenario of doom. Then after I record every free-floating anxiety (and it can take some time you know, I've had five pages single-spaced, back and front of worry!) I write down exactly how I wish the event/trip/conversation would go. After I'm done, I fold the whole thing up and put it away in a shoebox. One day after I die, someone's going to find that shoebox and have a hearty laugh at Ye Olde Crazypants. But it helps me in the moment to get all the worry out of my head and into some one else's capable hands. In this case, it is the shoe box's capable hands. Whatever works, you know?
I get a lot of emails asking about how to write, or get published, or get past the fear and anxiety of what might happen "when..." I never have all the answers. Everyone is different and I'm certainly not an expert anyway. I've addressed as many questions as I could in other columns, and I'm happy to do what I can, I know how good it feels to complete something and see it through and if you want it then I want it for you, too. I want you to have your someday.
A few folks who specifically mentioned book-writing as their own personal Katie & Armando talked about the fear of failure ("someone will reject my submission...") and conversely, the fear of success ("I might have to go on book tour and people will be disappointed to meet me...") Having been in both places, all I can say is that these fears pretty much have zero to do with the work, which is writing the book. Once it's written, once it's completed, then you can start to worry about the next step. And then after that, the next. If you try to worry about all possible problems and roadblocks and failures and successes and reviews and readers and events at the very beginning, you will never put pen to paper. And without writing the actual work, none of your fears mean squat anyway.
I know people want me to be able to give them details, a plan, the specific bullet-points and mechanics of exactly how to get published. A powerpoint presentation would do nicely! But I can't give it to you -- I don't have the answers. I don't know what will work for you. I don't know where you are in your head or your plan or your book. I do know that worrying about all the what if's will keep you far away from your goal. All that wasted energy on something that hasn't even happened yet.
When you do have questions about the mechanics -- how to get started or where to go once you've got a manuscript -- there are plenty of great resources out there far more knowledgeable than Ol' Crazypants. Spend a few hours in your bookstore or library looking at the bazillion guides for aspiring writers. Go up and down the shelves and find books like yours, see who your competition would be and see who publishes them. Then go online and find out if they take submissions. But even if you know all that you still need something to submit. So put your fears in a shoebox and write. If you find you need external motivation to write, there are tons of groups you can join and workshops and classes and online this and that.
There's professional help available, too. My friend and publicist Kim Weiss has a whole business devoted to helping people along the process, her website is called Help Me With My Book.com (I love that name!) and Kim and other professionals like her can help steer you in the right direction and coach you on things like platform and proposal and marketing.
I hesitate to give advice on this or anything, I think advice is probably the one thing truly more divine to give than to receive. But I get asked for advice a lot when it comes to writing. All I know for sure is that if you worry so much about things that haven't even happened yet you can worry yourself right into paralysis. Don't get so worked up about a future that hasn't happened that you stop making progress right now. Right now is pretty much all you got.
I still catch myself sometimes having those imaginary conversations, trying to re-say something in just the perfect way, or worrying about the future. I try to stop myself before it goes on too long. I sometimes have to write a letter to the shoebox. Then I breathe and try to remind myself that all I have control over is this very minute. Worrying about the ending is silly. No one knows how it ends! The ending isn't here yet -- all that's here is this one moment, this one paragraph, this one conversation.
Sarah Everhart sat down with the reporter from KABC. She hoped the news crew in her living room only noticed the antiques, not the coffee table from IKEA.
"Will the coffee table be in the shot?" she asked the photographer.
"No," he said. He was adjusting the light, moving it into the right position. "Can you turn just a little to your left please?"
Prompted by the reporter, Sarah gave a character description of her neighbor Katie. Sometimes she trembled while talking about the day Katie had gone missing, and at one point she started crying. Just a few tears, though, not enough to really make her mascara run.
"I just want her to be OK," she said. "You never hear about stories like these turning out very happy."
That part of the interview was used to promote the story on the ten o’clock news.
- - -"A local southland woman is missing this evening, and police and searching for leads in the case."
Cue soundb