March 4, 2013
March, it's madness
1) My February ended up being like most people's January. Oh well! Now it's a new month and a new list.
2) I already failed at my only new goal for March -- to stop saying the word "awesome." I failed awesomely and it was awesome!
3) Susan Miller at astrologyzone is never really all that positive about Cancers, but this month's forecast was especially brutal. It made me terrified for the month to come. Usually she says the same stuff over and over for Cancer: you have one nice day and then the rest of the time you have a money problem or family problem blah blah blah pluto up uranus. But she was off the charts for March -- apparently I will be homeless, jobless, friendless and bereft by month's end. Look, I realize that horoscopes are meant to be entertainment. I know that this isn't hard science. But how entertaining is it to read that no matter what you do, your entire month will be fraught with peril and there is nothing you can prevent OR fix OR anticipate? There should be a rule for non-scientific entertainment: it should not make you want to hide under your bed for a month. In conclusion, I am never reading that stupid astrologyzone again.
4) Here is my alternate (and equally scientific) horoscope for all Cancerians in March:
You are AWESOME! Sure, you feel a little overwhelmed at times, but that is because you are not a sociopath. This month you will experience at least one incredibly delicious meal. It may be what you least expected -- think beer and nachos made out of kettle-baked potato chips slathered in cheese. By mid-month you will feel the urge to make something new, like origami from post-it notes or cookies in the shape of a spaceship (hint: round). Cancers are sensitive souls and not everyone understands how attuned you are, so have patience with others as they may not have been on the distribution list for the memo of your emotions. They'll come around, and you can reward them with a UFO cookie or a post-it crane. March is also a wonderful month for buying new sandals -- you will find the perfect pair!
5) See? was that so freaking hard?
So, Happy March since it is indeed March even though I am still in a February state of mind.
Posted by laurie at March 4, 2013 8:15 AM