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March 29, 2011

People say I'm the life of the party 'cause I tell a joke or two



You know what's awesome? What's awesome is having to find a new apartment for you and your herd of felines in Los Angeles and pack up your whole household and move in three days. It is not at all dull. Also, it burns so many calories.

My name is Laurie and I am about to have some wine. At 10 a.m. In my new home. Where I just moved. Today. (Of course I have no internet or power or anything so I will go to a coffee shop to post this, or maybe the sushi place on the corner, I don't know, I just moved here. Help me.)

There is a whole lot of repressed dramatic going on, and I am sure one day it will bubble up and I will find myself alone in the closet with a large pepperoni pizza. OK, not the closet. Because that is gross. But you understand what I am saying here.


My next door neighbor had a psychotic break. I'm not actually a doctor (even though I play one on TV) but I feel that term best describes what happened at The Place Where I Once Lived yesterday. I'm not sure if it was drug-induced or if she went off her medication or if Elvis speaks to her. All I know is that I had to bolt. I can't tell you too many of the details, but I think "psychotic break" sums it up.

So in what will go down in history as the most expensive few days of my life, I fled the scene in a flurry of self-preservation. There wasn't much choice, and that part is awful, also I will be eating ramen noodles for the next six years. In the same time period there was family stuff and also there was car stuff, neither of which has been resolved, and I think one of the cats is sick, and we have an appointment because all scary and expensive things must happen in the same week as predetermined by the Universe and its absurd sense of humor. But now I live somewhere else NOT SPECIFIED and it has a security system and what is most important is that I am alive to tell you this story. I'm not sure what my beyond-the-grave internet access would look like anyway.

In the midst of all this I remember telling myself to be thankful because even though this situation is ridiculously stressful and expensive it is not a tsunami or nuclear contamination zone or similar. But being forced out of your home by a psychotic person kind of sucks. So I am just going to table any moral qualms I have about my emotions and watch for the pizza man.

There you have it, the one-act dramatic play of March, 2011, presented in six acts. Now, intermission!

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In a not-entirely-unrelated subject, I would like to take this opportunity to tell you about Blogads. I've never really been good at shilling or shucking or whatever it is (oh! I think "begging" may be the word!) but I do have links for advertising spaces on the sidebar over there --->

And if you have a business or even if you just want to advertise your blog for a week, I have dropped all the prices on my ads so they are delicious and affordable. It's very easy to purchase a blogad, all you have to do is point-and-click, there are premium ads (at the top of the sidebar) and there are classic ads which appear in the middle of the sidebar but are way cheaper (as low as $25 for a week!) and then there are the new ad squares, the most affordable of all, which cost only $5 a day. You can upload and submit your ad in no time at all.

And if you don't have any need for a blogad, there is still one awesome thing you can do. When you see an ad on the sidebar, give it a click! I do not get paid per click but your interest helps the advertisers know their ad is being seen and clicked upon (and hopefully it encourages them to advertise more.)

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At this point in the column I feel like I should say, "And now back to your regularly scheduled programming." But in a low, 1960s TV-announcer voice.

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Before today's program concludes I want to leave you with one funny image, like they used to do on "Hee Haw." Because what is the point of living your life if you can't find something to laugh at like the heyday of Hee Haw? Honestly!


Posted by laurie at March 29, 2011 1:58 PM