February 14, 2011
"Oh yeah, and Happy Valentine's Day..."
After texting back and forth in a fit of panic this morning, I just left an eleventy minute voicemail for Jennifer. It went something like this:
Hi! I'm home already. Yes, it's 10:02. I went to the class, just like I said I would. Because I follow through! I am a followthrougher! I drove my car to the campus, I parked my car, I got out and walked across campus to the aquatic center.
What I failed to realize when I signed up for this swimming class was that community college is a lot like high school. It is high school with ashtrays. There are teenage boys everywhere. The pool is open, outdoors, set right in the middle of campus and there were clumps of teenage boys wearing hoodies and baseball caps and baggy jeans slouching around watching the people in the pool. One of them had his cell phone out and was taking pictures of the hot lifeguard girl cleaning the pool.
I turned around and ran away like the wind. I could hear the voice in my head saying, "Run, Forrest, run!" Think of the calories I burned by NOT GOING TO THIS SWIM CLASS.
We have known each other a long time. There are many things in life I am afraid of. Like dying in an airplane crash. Or dying in a fiery inferno. Or perhaps a fiery airplane crash inferno. But right after that the thing I most fear is having my lardy ass photographed in my swimsuit by teenage boys and having it posted on the internet for laughs and internet captions.
Oprah says you will never see swimsuit pictures of her in the tabloids because she does not even own a swimsuit. Oprah is a wise woman! Why did I deviate from the Oprah? WHY? I am going to continue on my path to health and awesomeness by doing activities that require me to be fully clothed. Until I meet someone I may want to know Biblically and in that case we will do it with the lights off LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE.
So I'm going to forget this ever happened.
Oh, yeah, Happy Valentine's Day.
So that is my Monday so far. I am fully clothed and happy with it.
And oh yeah, Happy Valentine's Day!
Posted by laurie at February 14, 2011 10:05 AM