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January 21, 2011

More bullet points

A formal apology for the bleeping bullet points. This online diary is accidentally turning into a poorly designed powerpoint slide. Oh powerpoint, what would the executives of America do without your bulleted lists and flying pie chart animations?

• Fat fingers

Every now and then I will be typing -- you should see me type, it's like watching a raccoon play piano -- and I will use one of my three typing fingers to press a button and a weird combination of return and shift and perhaps backspace deletes the open essay from the database. It's surprising because I couldn't replicate the keystrokes if I tried (I've tried.) It's happened maybe four times in six (seven?) years of writing this here website, so I usually take it as a sign from the Universe to write something better or different. So I do. I figure if even a soulless computer database hates the essay, it's time for a do-over. And how handy of the Universe to provide a newly empty screen in which to start over. Thanks, Universe!

ANYWAY. Hopefully that will address any lingering concerns anyone had about my mysterious, deep, dark secrets and the shady underbelly of a disappearing doodad. The secret is out: I have sausage hands. And, apparently, I also sort of believe the database is a person who occasionally hates what I write.

• More updates on doing nothing

Yeah, still no clutter management happening in the apartment. My idea was to de-stuffify the office so that when I have a houseguest stay with me that room would be open and inviting. I think some people refer to it as a "guest room." Fascinating. What I have is a yarn and books room.

My first-ever houseguest is arriving in just ten days or so. If I fail in clutter removal, I have a backup plan -- either make the houseguest a cozy bed downstairs and let go of the guest room concept entirely OR go ahead and use the yarn room as a guest room but keep the guest totally intoxicated for the entire visit so that the clutter is less memorable. Always have a backup plan!

• Breaking News: Large Pack of Real Housewives in Beverly Hills Try To Eat The Injured Housewife
Last's night's finale (not true -- the reunion show is always the finale, yes?) featured Sad Kim being encircled and taken down by the other botoxed gazelles. It made me sad. One of my favorite movies from the 1980s was Tuff Turf, and I kept expecting Frankie's scary Adam-Ant lookalike boyfriend to come save her. Life is so much better in the movies. Even if you're a celebrity.


And, finally, no powerpoint diary is complete without some visual aids:

Summertime!
dallas-jan21-2011.jpg
Dapper Dallas says, "Use extra-hold spray this week, folks, we've got a light 45 mph breeze...."


Cats!
bob-making-biscuits.jpg
Bob making biscuits. So damn cute it offsets all the world's ugliness.

Posted by laurie at January 21, 2011 9:19 AM