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July 4, 2010

Monthly check in (Independence Day edition)

At the beginning of 2010 I set two resolutions for myself and then resolved a third thing, which was to post a little check-in with myself each month, mostly just for me. To keep me accountable.

In the beginning it was fine and well and I was happy with my progress and then somewhere in mid-April I was wondering what the hell I had been drinking to come up with THAT idea, that whole accountability thing is for suckers who don't know you can change your name and move far far away! Or go off the grid and talk into your bra and direct traffic in your nightgown!

But then June happened and I made so many changes all at once that I was really glad I kept some accountability around, so I could stay focused and organized. And I got up each and every day and reached for better.

Best of all, I went for a lot of walks. It's so simple, it's such a little thing we all take for granted, just walking, but it's pretty effing great. It doesn't cost anything, it's relaxing, you feel victorious. I dialed down the whine and wine, since both tend to bring me down. I cooked A LOT. It felt comforting and happy to measure and season and taste and roast. I cleaned my house so that it felt good to walk into each room.

Every time I started to have doubts or worries, I did one of the following:
• Went for a walk.
• Cleaned house.
• Listened to selfhelpy upbeat stuff on my ipod.
• Listened to great music.
• Moisturized.
• Flossed. My teeth were in shock. They did not know what this "floss" invention was.
• Read a good book.
• Watched a great movie.

And I worked. Instead of freaking out about the instability I'm just focusing on the sheer pleasure of long, uninterrupted blocks of typing. I've been working at a job or in school (or both) since I was 14 and this is a whole new kind of day, making my own structure. And I slept. I didn't think I would, I figured the insomnia would continue but by mid-June I was actually sleeping. Maybe it was the walking or just the fact that I move more all day. Or maybe I was simply exhausted, but I slept. It's a whole new day when you've had some sleep.

In June I left my position at the bank (eight and a half years is such a long time in one job!) and it was so funny, I knew it was a great move for me but I also cried because I knew how many great friends I had made there and how many lovely memories I have with my goofy teammates.

Later in June my grandmother had another stroke and went back to the nursing home. Not too long after that I finally got to see my dad, who has been sick since early May and I just got back from a nice long visit with them where they were staying up in the mountains in Idyllwild. And of course I got to visit with their dog, who is decidedly their favorite child.

And that was June!


Posted by laurie at July 4, 2010 11:20 AM