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December 28, 2009

All the vampires walkin' through The Valley move west down Ventura Boulevard

For my 40th birthday I have decided to have a mid-life crisis. I don't turn 40 for quite a while, I don't even turn 40 in 2010, but I am a planner and that gives me plenty of time to come up with something awesome for my crisis. Move to Spain and herd sheep? Get all-over liposuction? Have everything botoxed into perpetual stillness? Laser hair removal? Cabin in the woods manifesto writing? Move the cats and my shoes into an RV and drive around the country? There is so much opportunity for a midlife meltdown makeover. I am really looking forward to it. I am making a list of all the things I want to do between now and 40 and there's all kinds of crazy stuff on it. Lord only knows what my Midlife Crisis List may contain.

Making lists is just part of December. This is by far my favorite time of the year: the end of it. This is when all the crud and muck and shlub of days gone by gets wrapped up and shrugged off as "last year" and you get to move on and think about the shiny, happy unknown future which is "Next Year." Next Year can bring anything, and it might be good! You could win the lottery, meet a sexasaurus, get a fantastic haircut, lose weight, travel to someplace great, floss.

Anything can happen Next Year!

Even though I try hard to stay in the present sometimes the present is anxiety-causing or dull or full of traffic, so I tend to drift off into the future. I worry I am living a lot more in the future than right now, but that makes me anxious so I fantasize that in the future this will not be a problem.

I'm pretty excited about my future midlife crisis. I don't have a lot of tethers so who knows where I could float off to. Pull a Hemingway and write all day, drink all evening, fight the Spanish Civil War, go fishing in the Keys, have some six-toed cats. I'm not really that fond of boats but I might get on one anyway. Or at least a canoe. Or maybe a surfboard with a sail on it.

Maybe I will cut off all my hair or get those really thick bangs or buy a small watermelon farm in ... uh... somewhere watermelons grow, or I'll rescue goats. As surely goats need rescuing!

There are so many options! And I have time to make lists and lists and more lists. I feel I am very ready for a midlife crisis, I'm not really deeply committed to anything except TV and Magic Erasers, I'm not sure where I am exactly on my personal progress spectrum and it's been a weird, wacky year for the entire world. This is the ideal breeding ground for a real go off-the-rails out-of-the-box leap of crazypants.

As it is list time, I'm also working on my New Year's Resolutions, many of which are carryovers from 2009's list since I don't think I really accomplished much. I did write a book, but I'm not sure it's any good. I did travel a little, and write a bunch of stuff here online though not as often as I wanted. I sat in traffic a lot. I moved into a gorgeous new apartment, but sort of as an F-you to the gardeners who I doubt are really missing me. I made two baby sweaters!! Real sweaters, and also baby shoes, I do feel that was an accomplishment. Oh, and entrelac. Frankly I may put "entrelac" down as a skill on my resume I'm so proud of it.

I gave in to my hermit tendencies more than ever before, largely explained as "I'm working... sorry... can't leave the house..." and I enjoyed it, which I can't tell if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I completely lost the battle of the bulge and gained more weight instead of losing more, which was a bummer. I worked on a project at work that was really challenging and turned out great, and that was a good feeling. I got my first ever traffic ticket and did traffic school online, also known as "eight hours I can never get back." I started picking my battles more carefully, which was a nice change, and I totally opted out of the Recession Doom And Gloom which was the best choice I made all year.

But still in the end I feel like I didn't do much in 2009. In 2010 I want to be more active in my own life, but I haven't really defined what that means. Which brings us back to the Midlife Crisis, because all that stuff you wish you had the guts to do but are too afraid to do? I think a Midlife Crisis is the perfect time to try them out! Unlike a male midlife crisis which is so silly and predictable, I think my ladycrisis is going to be far more adventurous and zeitgeisty and run-off-to-Australia-and-recreate-The-ThornBirds, you know? Men have no imagination. And, besides, I already have a red convertible!

Posted by laurie at December 28, 2009 9:37 AM