August 31, 2009
This was supposed to be a little ditty about Jack & Diane... or rather about baby booties, which I completed and photographed so carefully then I forgot to bring my camera, so no pictures. Ah well. The only thing people are talking about anyway are the fires.
Driving into downtown today the smoke was so thick and heavy it obscured even the skyline. I have a lot of coworkers who live in or near the fire area, it's scary. This season is worse than usual, it reminds me of that awful summer five years ago when my ex-husband left abruptly and I was living in that huge condo alone and I would sit on the patio each night and smoke even though I knew it was redundant. Just breathing was bad enough. But that's what people do in hard times, they do whatever it takes to get through a single day and I don't regret a minute of it. Regret is useless, it robs you of living right now.
Can you believe it's been five years? By nature I am a very private person, and sometimes I'm shocked how much I poured out in this online diary. I think about removing it sometimes, it's all just the past. But then I get an email from someone who's going through it right now, today, and she says it helps and in the end I guess I'm glad I went a little crazy that summer and the whole next year, a majestic meltdown. And all captured in words. What I remember most about it is sitting out on the patio alone at night and smoking after all the tears had dried up.
So I'm grateful for having opened up and poured it all out. I'm happy when someone else finds it useful, or at least comforting to know she isn't the only one.
Other things I love today:
1) Firemen. California has the best firemen in the world, I am sure of it. They work so hard! And they're so goodlooking.
2) Those traffic signs that tell you how many minutes to wherever. Like this morning it was 80 minutes to downtown. It helps to know it in advance so you aren't getting more and more anxious as traffic crawls into the haze.
3) My ipod. I love the ipod, it's such a perfect invention. I love being able to carry a bazillion songs around so that when I wake up and have the line "Girl, put your records on..." stuck in my head, I can just pull out my little portable music library and listen to the song until I'm sick of it.
4) Coffee with milk.
5) Those little re-usable cold packs you can put into your lunch bag. Genius! Keeps lunch cold during an 80-minute commute. I have them in all different sizes.
6) My dad using email. It's so much fun to get an email full of pictures of the dog and the truck and family members and anything he sends. Now if we could just get my Uncle Truman on email we'd be all wired.
7) Finding sunglasses I forgot I had. They were in the seat pocket in the Jeep. It was like Christmas!
8) How your life can be something completely different and better than you expected in just five years. I love not knowing what will happen next. I love finally being able to believe it could be something even better than I imagined.
So that's Monday in Los Angeles, pictureless and bootyless but full of hot firemen.
Posted by laurie at August 31, 2009 10:08 AM