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January 9, 2009

Thom Filicia, I love you. Earthquakes, not so much.

I want to marry Thom Filicia. He's the host of Dress My Nest, a TV show where he saves the day all superhero-like with his powers of color and lamp selection and pillows. He's so CUTE. And FUNNY. And as Faith and Charlie and Jane and Shannon and everyone else on the planet made a BIG FREAKING DEAL of telling me, he is also not likely to marry me, a ladyfriend. But I think they are wrong and I love him and want him to dress my nest.

What I do not love so much is the earthquakes. Last night I was splayed out on the sofa with a Frankie on my leg and a Soba on my feet and I felt this little rumble, like it could have been a big truck driving on my street. That kind of rumble. Only not so much.

I looked at my cats who are animals and according to urban legend are supposed to be the delicate and sensitive antennae of NATURE and there they were, asleep, Bob snoring lightly on the cat toy by the TV and the other two warming themselves upon my personal heating furnace (Frankie stretched out along my thigh and Soba curled up on top of my feet) all totally unaware. TOTALLY UNAWARE WE WERE EXPERIENCING THE EARTH SHAKING.

It felt like the world went drunk all at once, and I watched the wine in my wineglass start to move slowly from one side to the other. On the other side of the living room the big mirror on the wall was undulating. This was no heavy truck passing by for two minutes!! We were having an earthquake. I believed it to be official (later proved right -- it was a 5.0 south of San Bernardino, later downgraded to a 4.5, but we felt it all the way up here in the Valley.) The cats, however, were totally unimpressed and were in fact completely irritated when I disturbed their sleep and got off the couch and looked for a doorway. And a paper towel for the wine sloshing.

Poor things. I am so disruptive to their sleep cycle.

So we had an earthquake, AGAIN, and I am well and very tired of them and unless they plan on breaking my old big square TV so I can buy a new fine flat screen thing I wish they wouldn't even bother. I even set my old hugeass square TV on a rolling cart for more shake, rattle and roll when the "Big One" hits, but I am still firmly ensconced in non-HD territory over here. Why can't I be like normal people and upgrade? Why am I so insistent on waiting until that TV dies? People! It could live 27 more years!

Also all that stuff about animals having a sixth sense and knowing when earthquakes are coming may be applicable for YOUR animals, but for mine it is just total hogwash. You have never seen three more relaxed and overfed felines in your life. They snored and dreamed of Greenies as the earthquake rolled ever onward. We could have been thrown to the equator and they would have just been irritated for being jolted out of beauty sleep.

I bet Thom Filicia could have sensed it coming. I bet he could recommend an earthquake-proof design and a flat-screen TV. I BET HE COULD MAKE EARTHQUAKE PILLOWS.

I am just saying is all. Also, I need a vacation. Work is hard and stuff at home is undulating. Really people. Send wine.

Posted by laurie at January 9, 2009 8:53 AM