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November 10, 2008

Shlumpy top tem list

Oh, I haven't made a list in a while. Mondays are perfect for lists, the first day of a new week which I am so far behind on life that it's still October in my mental calendar. I tried to say Top Ten List but it came out sounding like I was pinched by gnomes. I am having challenges.

1) Significant Reason My Nose Is Red
I have a hateful and insidious cold that started creeping up on me late Friday afternoon so that I could spend the entire weekend sniffling and lazy and trying to hide under the covers. I am nasal. My friend Corey at work is also sick so we are together tag-team-infecting the entire office slowly and with great sneezy precision.

2) Cats Have Very Small Brains
I like to think the cats are smart, perhaps even superior to mere mortals, well... except Bob. Anyway. My felines have a veritable buffet of kitty food in the kitchen: Kibble #1 "The Healthy Kibble" and Kibble #2 "The slightly less holistically balanced food, which they actually eat." And I give them a can of wet food to share in the morning. But they LOVE Greenies. They love Greenies so much that now anytime I open any bag at all in the kitchen they come running at the very sound of rustling and whine like a pack of very small, daft dogs.

I keep the dry kibble in little plastic cereal-pouring Tupperware containers because I have mad love for compact organizational plastic. Really, it's a sickness, my love of organizational doodads. But yesterday as I was crinkling the cat food bag to add fresh cat food to the plastic seal-tight container, of course the feline wolfpack came running in and stared at me with great existential angst.

And we were out of Greenies.

So -- just on the OFF off chance they might be appeased with a substitute -- I put some of the dry cat food that they already have in their bowl on a new plate like it was a pile of Greenies. But this time I poured it right from the crinkly cat food bag.

And they ate it with great fervor and happiness! So now I don't even have to give them Greenies, I just have to give them their own dry cat food -- but pour it out of the BAG, not from the Tupperware and put it on a plate and not in their bowl. Which for the record already contains the same exact food.

Cats. Go figure.

3. I fear this Top Ten List will end at three. Perhaps that is what Top Tem means?
A magical number, yes? So even though I was paltry and sneezy I did not let that change my Saturday shopping, Target and Whole Foods (where let us not forget I was remiss in buying Greenies.) Target has all the Christmas stuff out, great big aisles of sparkly lights and shiny ornaments and usually this is the time of year when I complain and say I am not ready for Christmas yet and could the holidays please call a therapist?

But this year I felt warm puddles of happiness for bright sparkly lights and happy snowflake ornaments made out of frosted glass.

Surely this must be a sign that all those sad years of wondering how I can avoid Christmas Carols and jingle-bell encrusted cheermongers are behind me. Maybe? I'm not saying that I just love the pathologically cheerful -- especially when I am in traffic or carrying around Rudolph's red nose right on my very face, such as at this moment! -- but I don't expect to see myself coiled up in lonesome under the tree while drinking Jack Daniels from a coffee cup again this year.

Not that there is anything wrong with that.

And the strangest thing of all is how you can feel vaguely nostalgic for something that wasn't even that good to begin with. I'm glad Christmas comes every year whether you like it or not. It gives you the chance to decorate new all over again, and make anything you want out of it.

Posted by laurie at November 10, 2008 8:46 AM