Laurie, you're just wonderful. Thank you for reminding us that we are more than what we read in the news.

You remind me of Thoreau at his best. It's so easy to get sucked into rampant consumerism, as if it is our life purpose! I am glad that you are willing to share your realizations through this site, it is uplifting and inspiring. :)

I figured out I wasn't my stuff a few years ago. It's a GREAT and freeing feeling. Thanks for the reminder. :)

Laurie, this post is perfect! You are so wise.

And, yay, thank you for the book!

Thank you for putting this into words. This attitude adjustment is so important at this time for so many! I'm a professional fundraiser, and I can tell you there are a lot of Chicken Littles out there telling me what I need to change in order to get people to donate. Bull. I don't need to change a thing. I need to continue to treat our donors well, to thank them for their past giving even if they're not able to give right this moment, and to keep giving them the opportunity to give if that is what they choose to do with their money. I can acknowledge that this is a fearful time for some financially and that our donors need to put their families first, but that's still not anything new for me.

As Richard Bach said, "listen to what you know, instead of what you fear..."

well said, Laurie! It's easy to get sucked into the "buy this, you must have this" mentality, but it's good to have a reminder to stop and think before impulse buying, or going crazy with the credit.

That is my new mantra.

"I am not my stuff"

instead............

"My cats love me as long as I feed them and keep their litter box clean."

Kudos to you, Laurie P.!!!!!

as the beatles sang so long ago: "money can't buy me love."

it can't buy love, or happiness, or self-worth. that comes from within. and it took me many years of therapy to learn that simple fact.

peace, sister!

Your timing is amazing. I was just explaining to my kids this morning that my being tense and snappy is not excused by the reason for it, which is finances stretched to the screaming point. The finances can scream all they want, but I can choose not to.
I wrote down your two things you learned and I am putting them on my wall. In big print.
Thank you.

Laurie, I work in student legal services at a small university and I'd like EVERY one of our students to read your post on getting that 1st card in college. I cannot tell you how many students I see with credit problems, most or all of which started with that 1st "easy" card. I agree, it should be illegal, or at least a lot harder to get. Back in the dinosaur days when I went to college you actually had to QUALIFY for credit, which none of us did, and may I say THANK GOD (or whoever :)).
Thanks for another great post!

Wise for you age, and always good to hear everyone's angle on life.
Budget person that I am, I love your spreadsheet -thanks!
I think this is my first comment on your blog - love your writing and your book, don't stop :)

I'm a few days late with this comment, but I wanted to say that if you like Kate Atkinson, and if you listen to audio books, then you should get the audio edition of her new book "When Will There Be Good News?" Full disclosure -- the reader is Ellen Archer, one of my BFFs and I'm not being biased at all (really!) when I say that she's terrific on it. She has a lovely voice and is great with all the accents! I've now become a fan of Atkinson as well.

Laurie, you really hit the nail on the head. Also, even though your divorce was painful you came out the other side a wiser and better person. Can we say the same for Mr. X? I doubt it.

Laurie, you have learned and shared an incredibly valuable lesson. You learned that "stuff" doesn't make you happy and that you are responsible for your own happiness. I hope others will learn the same thing (especially in light of the economic downturn) and realize that they are not defined by a big-screen TV or overpriced clothes. Thanks so much for being so open and frank with us, your dear readers. I personally just LOVE you for it. Keep the life lessons coming!

Ahem....don't be slamming my Jon Bon Jovi. You have Dallas Raines. Leave the rocker to me. :) And can you forward your column to my Manhattanite sister who needs a lesson about stuff?

It sounds like it might be better to take the stairs. Judging from your office window picture, that's much easier for me to say/do vs. working in a high rise. (Speaking from middle-America office building that has a larger land-footprint in exchange for not nearly as much energy needed to run elevators. 1 flight of stairs = easy.)

I'm still struggling with the clutter issue, though, & I always appreciate your posts about dealing with your own clutter.

Laurie, your post could not have come at a better time for me. I am in the process of dealing with a huge personal and financial mess right now and I can honestly say it is time for me to stop whining and take the proverbial bull by the cahones. I need to make a substantial change in my and my son's life so that we can move forward and have a better life. I am in the process of getting a divorce attorney and taking the first steps toward being truly happy. And that hasn't been the case for a very long time.

Time to cry (briefly).

Moving on........

TV in the elevators?!?! That's worse than TV in the supermarket checkout lines!!!

the market isn't crashing... it's all ON SALE!

Laurie, you are a fantastic writer.

Really? TV in the elevators?? Oh, my. I always take the stairs...no TV, no lady yelling into her cell phone about yesterday's gyno appointment, and if someone farts NO ONE KNOWS!

And yes, we are not our stuff. We walk this earth to clean cat boxes and provide laps.

My "I am not my stuff" moment came 3 years ago when we moved from NC to CA. A lot of our things were damaged during the move, and it really made us think a lot about all this Stuff, and how insignificant it all is in the big scheme of things. Prior to that move, I would shop as a hobby, and while I never bought anything too extravagant, I bought a LOT of stuff (mostly clothes). Now I only shop when I truly need something, and spend my free time knitting, being with friends, and enjoying the things I have rather than longing for things I don't. Now I'm expecting a baby, and amazingly have no desire to go out and buy a ton of baby stuff. For me, it's become all about quality, not quantity.

Wow! I would like to send this to my daughter, but at 23 I'm not sure she's ready yet. However, you have given me some great talking points to use when she next phones me to 'vent' about her life. She is in debt with student loans and car payments(for a vehicle much too expensive for her - in my humble but not asked for opinion)and struggling to find her way. And I am her sounding board. I guess that's better ? than never hearing from her. Keep posting Laurie - it helps.

Thank you for such a wonderful post. :)

Laurie,
you have learned some good lessons from life. First of all, thank you for your book. It made me laugh (as does your blog)during some dark days. Divorce at age 60 after 38 years of marriage really hit me hard. I started using your Excel budget spreadsheet on January 1st. I follow your example of not buying anything I don't need. The future is scary, but I'm trying to live in each day as it comes along. And you know what, it's ok! I don't have much money, but I don't have any debt either. I have a job, I have a place to live and food to eat, I have my dog, I have my knitting, my friends, and my Mom and Dad. I choose to be happy with my life. I've quit watching the evening news because you are right in that getting upset, angry, and worried changes nothing. My retirement savings and investments may melt away to nothing, or maybe they'll eventually recover. Tonight I'll sip a glass of wine and watch the Food Network. Cheers!
Barbara

@Catie: Thank you for putting the current state of the market into positive terms.

As much as I recognize that worrying won't make it better, it's nice to have a positive thought to hold onto as we ride out the current turbulence.

I'm in the midst of marital crisis.
I needed this post today.
Thank you.

Another wonderful and thought provoking post!
I will think of you when I am watching Cloris Leachman
'dance' tonight :)

Laurie, you are wonderful. Just wonderful. I watch with anticipation every morning to see when your post is up. I am absolutely positive that if the world were full of more people like you, what a wonderful and happy place we would all live in!

Have you considered becoming a life coach? Actually you already are. I was considering going back into therapy but maybe I just need to listen to you. Much cheaper and more fun. Thanks.

Lisa at 11:24am - I feel your pain.

Do you think that living in Los Angeles exacerbated the spendiness?

I am so proud of you. You've come along way, baby! I, too, believe that happiness is a choice and I only figured that out a few years ago. Thank you for your wonderful and insightful essay today.

I so agree with you on all of that. Heh, I got that credit card at university too, although I needed it to travel overseas. Now I live in London, have been here over a year and earn well over the average wage (I'm a lawyer) and they won't give me a card! Weird. It was 3 months before they'd even give me a debit card.

Anyway, I've been spending my money on travel but also managing to save a fair amount (although only started that fairly recently), who knew how much fun saving could be? Now when I look at stuff I want to buy most of the time I don't because I imagine putting that money into my savings instead and I realise that's what I'd rather do. Definitely takes an attitude adjustment though.

this should be required reading for college students everywhere.

Two months ago, I rented out my house, put everything in storage and moved into a 22-year-old RV. I haven't missed anything in storage except my knitting. I also went back to college and will be finished in 22 months! Life is good...

Laurie,

They should hand out a copy of this post to every incoming freshman at college. I have to say I was VERY lucky because my parents taught me how to balance a checkbook and only let me get my 1st credit card with a limit of $350, enough for a plane ticket home in an emergency. But I knew I was in the minority. We don't teach our youth how to deal with money in school and we send them out to the mercy of the credit card companies!
I live near a university and I see students with all the latest gadgets and designer clothes and wonder if that Prada bag is worth all the stress it may cause down the road.

And I'm with you on the blissful ignorance on the market. I want to know the big picture but I can do without the guy who sits near me yelling out how many points the market has dropped every hour.

I tried not to buy anything, but when your work shoes die, you have to replace them. (I am very tough on my shoes.) I have bought yarn. Now all I have to do is knit it up. I have promised myself, though - NO MORE CLOTHES unless they are sweaters I knit myself with yarn I already have!
All catalogs will henceforth be thrown into the recycling bin. That's a step in the right direction. As will be getting rid of the 80% of what I don't wear.

Great post. Thanks for sharing -- my how you've grown! Sounds like you're ready to read "Your Money or Your Life", Laurie. Great book about saving for the important thing -- YOU.

I love reading you! I totally agree with how watching the news is going to affect our moods more than it would affect the DOW, and that we do not gain more value as people when we buy more valuable things. Sort of along those same lines....recently I've been reminded of a fact I read awhile ago...where I heard that it's proven that complaining to others about your (life, job, whatever it may be, etc.) DOES NOT in fact help to lighten your mood. It really only brings others (and yourself) down more. For some reason I always feel happier when I remind myself of this fact.

Thanks for the reminder that it does no good to drive yourself crazy fretting over things we can't control.

A big piece is missing with that thinking, though. While we can't feel like we are obligated to fix things like the economy or erradicate violence, we ARE responsible for making ourselves useful in a charitable way in life. Think Karma. Visit nursing homes, spay stray cats, donate time to a literacy project, recycle like a maniac...Anything. But everyone should DO something. There is a large segment of America who feel like such things are for someone else to do. There is some personal responsibility to go beyond looking out for number one.

Could you write a bit about your own charitable pursuits? I think it would encourge others to be helpful in the world and take up a cause of their own.

I think it should be illegal too! Credit cards are good for emergencies, but not much else. Thanks for the pick-me-up, I needed the reminder to be a little more glass-half-full :-)

Your posts always seem to come at such a crucial time for me! First, because hubby and I are expecting our second child in a month, and our house is a morass of STUFF that we don't need. I've decided that, like you said, we are NOT our stuff, and we have to get rid of it. So get rid of it we shall - I'm stopping to buy a big box of contractor trash bags, and I vow to have that box empty and all those bags full by the time our son arrives!

Your post is also meaningful because of what you say here: "I had to get there, and I had to decide to change my perspective for me, not for my friends or family or co-workers or the mysterious "They" who judge us silently from the sidelines." Hubby had an emotional affair last spring with a co-worker of both of ours, and 2 years ago, I would have kicked his ass out, baby on the way or not. But I decided I had to grow up, accept responsibility for the fact that our marriage got to the point it did in part because of me, and then work to fix it. I'm so happy right now, both that we're still together and working on a happier space for both of us and both of our children, and that he is still here to welcome our new child into the world. I know I'm probably sharing too much and rambling on, but what you said really touched me. So here's to less junk and more contentment! Drink a glass of wine for pregnant, unable to drink me!

I was in a similar position when I got divorced - no assets to fight over (unless you count the salt & pepper and yes we really argued over that - I got the salt - YEA!)but plenty of debt to divide. With support of awesome friends & family I picked myself up, worked to finish my Master's degree & settle my debt. It is all a mind set - a nice glass of wine with a friend doesn't hurt either. And the ex? The best revenge is living well - I recently got a call from an attorney looking for him trying to collect HIS debt, almost 16 years after the big D. Life is good!

Funk about the Weasther Channel?

Or unless they farm ;)

Thanks so much for this post. I read "I am not my stuff" and said, she's talking about me. My husband and I are doing a big closet weeding this weekend and taking the stuff to Goodwill. I've got clothes that have been hanging in my closet for eight years because, "I might need that one day," but I never will, so it's out the door with it. I've finally assimilated your concept and I think it will help me get rid of even more stuff. You are young enough to be my daughter, and you inspire me to be a better person. Thank you again.

Marvelous post, Laurie!

Amen and a hallelu!

I am not my stuff. I am not even my investment account. I can tell because it has lost a lot of weight recently, and I have not.

Seriously, though, your point about not being able to change the economy or the weather or the price of a can of beans... so true. I think this is why so many people knit, and even spin: I can turn fluff into yarn, I can turn yarn into hats and scarves and kitty pi, I, little old me, can **reverse the law of entropy**! Take that, Sir Isaac Newton! (Oh, I'm sorry, I seem to have dropped an apple on your head. Hope it didn't hurt too much.)

Have I offered you humongous congrats on getting out of debt? Because changing your entire outlook on life and stuff is a whole lot harder than making hats. Bravissima.

I went back to school in my 30s and was shocked to see the CC companies handing out candy bars with the credit applications. That's just crazy, and I guess it's gotten worse.

As for curing my own affluenza, moving from a big-ass house into a condo did it. There wasn't enough room for all the crap we had accumulated over the years. Less square footage along with small closets meant multiple trips to the local Good Will. I had to ask myself why in the world did I buy all the stuff to begin with? I am still paring down, after more than a year, except for yarn of course! I am lightening the load and trying to teach my daughter to do the same.

I love reading your blog! You are amazingly insightful. Thanks for making my day a little more special.

"...the one who doesn't stand up for her happiness but instead defends all her misery."

sigh. you were listening in on my therapy session yesterday weren't you.

Awesome post.

I'm probably the last person in the world to discover it, but have you watched the short video, "The Story of Stuff"?
http://www.storyofstuff.com/index.html
It goes along with your theory of "stuff," and is a great encouragement not to consume more. :-)

I love you! I think I'm in the middle of the "I am not my stuff" debate because most of the time I can detach myself, but sometimes I get sucked back in. I assume it's kind of a process... My friend is talking about wedding planning and hiring these people and those people so we can all just be happy and enjoy the day w/o worry. The more I think about it, the more I'm pretty sure that I don't need all of that (or want it!). Someday I'll get married and I'll be happy w/ good music playing and good food to eat as long as all of my friends and family are there. It'll be handy having a good iPod playlist and borrowing some decent speakers, but it's not someone I don't know that I hired for 6 hours at $800 to select my music for me and then tell me about myself... So sometimes I'm my stuff, but I don't think it needs to be the best stuff. I'm happy w/ my refurb iPod, too. (You know, the one I just bought, but it's actually 3 or 4 years old... that one)

When you go off on a "rant" like this I want to put on cheerleader clothes and go "Rah, Rah, Zip Boom Bah!" and forward your post to everyone who I think needs to hear the message, which, unfortunately, is an awful lot of people. Sigh. Who would SO not appreciate the message. Sigh. But preach on, Sister!

You're miles ahead of the game and most of the players. Hope the rest of humanity catches up with you. We'd all be a lot happier.

Are you sure you didn’t crawl into my head and write about my life from my perspective? In my mid 30’s now, I’m finally getting my head out of the clouds and facing all the bad financial decisions I made starting with that first “easy” credit card right outside of the college bookstore. Thanks for letting me know that it does get easier eventually. :)

Laurie, you should get an award for these three paragraphs. I present you the "Best Blog Epiphany Award of the Day" for this:

"There are two big things I learned during my own personal financial crisis. One: No matter how big a hole you're in, you can choose how you feel about it. And two: You are not your stuff.

"That first one was a huge shift for me (in every part of my life, not just finances.) I used to be someone who spent a LOT of time arguing for my unhappiness. I heard myself one night on the phone to my parents, it was about four years ago and my ex-husband was still a then-husband and he had moved out and my mom was trying to tell me something positive, I don't even remember what it was, and I started off with a long list of why that particular positive thing wasn't good at all. Because of this, and because of that, and this other thing, and I was giving her a whole list of all the reasons I was unhappy. I was arguing for my unhappiness. I could actually hear myself there on the phone coming up with all the reasons my life was awful and empty and dire. It was sad, being that person, the one who doesn't stand up for her happiness but instead defends all her misery.

"So no matter how deep and wide and vast and dark the hole is that you're in, you get to choose. You get to decide if you're going to make a list of all the things you lack, loathe, fear and worry about. Or you get to sit in that exact same hole and say, "Wow, this is a big dark hole I am in. It sure will be nice once I get out of here. While I'm here, though, think of all the nice people who have been concerned for me down here, or who want to hear my jokes. I still get to eat. I drink wine. I have really cute cats. I might go try on some of my shoes now, since I am paying them off and all. Thank God this hole is wide enough for me to walk around in! I can wear all my shoes!" And so on."

*insert wild applause here*

I continue to learn and make progress from what you write. Instead of worrying so much, I'm cooking more and saving money. I hear your blogging voice each morning reminding me "Don't spend a nickel you don't have to." Instead of paying $7 for lunch or $10 for supper, I spent $67 at the grocery store which will feed me for a couple of weeks, probably. We'll see.

Tomorrow I pay off a hospital bill that has been hanging over my head for a year (for diabetes education classes that were enormously expensive). Next will be a credit union loan that I've been working on for a year and a half. Then a doctor's bill and property taxes.

Instead of feeling like I'm being ground down, I feel empowered each time I see the end of one of these bills coming. And not a moment too soon -- my 13-year-old car got hit Friday morning on the way to work and will cost more to fix than the car is worth. You know what? I'll continue driving my old friend until it just won't go any more, because I can't afford to replace it just now. And then in the future, when I do have the money, it will just be that much sweeter, knowing what that car has gotten me through.

Thanks for sharing your hard-fought wisdom. And keep walking in those fabulous shoes!

lord almighty, that was a deep post! I must say paying my credit cards was one of the most liberating experiences ever

To reader Cathy -- while I certainly appreciate your comments about charity, I personally think charity and giving is a private issue.

Some things truly do begin at home, meaning that for me personally I see charitable giving as a private decision and not something I choose to share with the world. No matter how grand the gesture or small but meaningful it may be to the giver (and those on the receiving end) it seems too likely that there would be those who'd find flaw in any effort, no matter the intention or scale.

And to me charity and giving is what you do from your heart, not for personal gain, public approval or even to set an example.

I really appreciate the spirit of your comment, but I choose to believe people are doing the very best they can with what they have and that Americans are generous of heart and spirit and will give where and how they can best do so. It's certainly not my place to preach, pry or suggest.

Thanks,
Laurie

Laurie,
Did you ever think you would have so much influence on people to live well and be happy? I think this is such a huge accomplishment. I love reading your blog comments because every story shows women with strength and fortitude to make things right for ourselves to get on the road to wellness.
Thank you for your honesty.

Lugene -- HECK NO!! Sometimes I wake up and am shocked and amazed to see anyone has read anything I write at all. It's a humbling thing. Mostly I just write to get the thoughts in my head out on paper (well, internet paper here) and get them into words with all their associated comma splices and yes typos, thanks to all the VERY KIND readers always pointing out my typos ;) I type with three fingers and a thumb on the space bar so the fact that anything is spelled correctly is amazing itself.

Sometimes I think I'm not really worthy to have people reading things I think and agreeing or thinking them, too. But I wonder if anyone ever feels worthy? And if it even matters? Because I love writing and I'm always thinking through stuff and it seems to work out OK.

But yes, it's always a surprise, even all this time later. A really nice surprise!

Thank you for sharing your story. I recently dug myself out of a debt hole that also started with a college credit card.

I cashed in stock options a year ago (when the market was healthier) and when I lost my job earlier this year I used some of my severence to pay the last of it off.

Since I've become debt free, I save more. I don't buy as much. I'm so much HAPPIER and use my credit wisely. Tonight I will order my kids their winter coats and I'm stoked that they will be paid off this month rather than next summer!

Hmmm. Free credit cards, mortgages with little/no collateral -- massive world debt. Could there be a correlation? We'll be back, right after the weather with Dallas (who Raines supreme [ouch])!

Hey, Laurie, you inspired me way back when you first started your blog and I keep on learning from you/with you. I continue to pare down and my dh is learning from me. I am even painting again -- because it's easier to paint my own pictures than to buy something from someone I don't know and then not like it and try to get rid of it later. The added benefit is a true huge boost in my creativity! Yeah! Thanks!

Wow!

As usual, you're talking about what I need to hear just when I need to hear it.

I'm doing some delayed unpacking since my last move, and rearranging a bedroom so that it can actually be used as a bedroom.

And reducing the number of Winter clothes I need to buy by finding some that were packed away. Funny how they're all in the colors and styles I like.

I can look great this Winter, though, because I can knit some special things to wear.

A word about the food. You should get something special every once in a while (because you're worth it) and because food is something that is sort of self-disposing. At least it's not going to accumulate like knick-kacks.

Give yourself a reward of something you really like to eat now and then for all the frugalities you've practiced. Instead of a pat on the back, it's sort of a pat on the stomach.

Lovely post.

And by way of totally missing your point: can someone tell me why we need TVs at the grocery check out and the gas pump? (I must admit, the elevator is a new one on me. Are your elevators hand-cranked by one wheezy old man and his trained monkey, perchance?)

Good post---great perspective!

Also wanted to comment on the ad for "Martha Speaks" under Litterture: Martha rocks! (Books and TV version.) Glad to see your LUV spreads to the dog world, ha! ha!

I have to agree with the TV thing...everything on it seems so focused on fear and of course, selling! So last year when I was cutting costs, I turned off the cable. Yep, no more TV at all for me except what I can get with rabbit ears!! Much more time for reading, knitting, and blog reading. I recommend it heartily!

Bang on, again, girl! Up here in the Great White North there's a show I think you'd like; it's called "Til Debt Do Us Part" and it's all about people who haven't learned the lesson you outline in this great post. It's hosted by a real down-to-earth woman who's advice is bang on, and backs up just what you're saying here. Her blog is at http://www.gailvazoxlade.com/blog/ -- no affiliation; I just get a bang out of people talking common sense when it comes to money, because it took me until my very late thirties to understand the very basics of money (i.e. don't spend more than you earn or you'll be in deep doo-doo).

Anyway, honey, kudos to you for digging yourself outta that hole. And I will keep my eyes peeled for elevator TVs; they haven't made their way up here yet.

"It was sad, being that person, the one who doesn't stand up for her happiness but instead defends all her misery."

Thanks for this wisdom. I needed to be reminded of this today. xo

Thank you! Your post came at the perfect time...

After spending a large chunk of my adult life under debt which FELT crushing (lots of people have worse, but it was bad enough), this year we paid off the last of the credit cards and paid off the house.

We're middle-aged, so it's past time to learn these lessons. I'm so glad we did! It took us a while, but having the debt off our backs is so freeing! But I still wake up in the middle of the night thinking, "Crap! I forgot to pay the mortgage!" or "Crap! I didn't pay the credit cards!" These thoughts are accompanied by cold sweats and heart palpitations.

Old habits die hard. But getting rid of the debt mountain was worth 100 times more than anything we gave up to get here. And I can't think of anything we gave up that we missed in the slightest.

Frankly, if I can do it, ALL of ya'll can, too. I'm sure everyone who reads this wonderful blog is more disciplined than I.

Laurie, I forwarded today's blog to a co-worker who has been in deep depression the last few weeks with all the awful news. It made her feel so much better to read your thoughtful words.

Thanks for being the special you that you are!!

I really hope you plan to write another book, because you are really very inspiring.

There is something very wrong with putting tv's in elevators in the first place. Can a person go anywhere without having a tv yapping in their face? There is no escape!

A .sig I've read will ring bells with you, Laurie. It went something like "We hoard and count our miseries jealously yet take no account of our joys." I'm still working to count my joys.
Another thoughtful post - thanks.
Love catie's quote - it's all on sale!

Thanks for the post. I've been trying to counsel my college age daughter regarding credit, etc. while working on getting myself completely debt free. This post came at the perfect time for both of us. Thanks.

That was great! Thank you!

Laurie,

You nailed it. Although, our emotions DO have an effect on stuff because emotions are energy and when our thoughts (worries, concerns, complaints) leave our brains and mouths surrounded with strong emotions, it makes the thought energy more potent and therefore more likely to manifest.

But I agree--let's all change the channel. The economy is only as bad as we choose to believe it is. I, for one, am choosing to think positively, and yay, lower gas prices.

Thanks, Laurie. I've been working a lot on getting perspective on my joy and my misery after unexpectedly finding my 45 year old husband dead of a heart attack in his office 25 days ago. Thank you for helping to remind so many people of the importance of quality over quantity. The news of the economy and the lack of gas here in the southeast pale in comparison to the ways in which I'm missing my love. Perspective, people.

I truly try to live "I am not my stuff." I just can't get the hang of "I am not my yarn stash."

Yeah, I got sucked into Dancing With the Stars, too. Then my fav Misty May-Trainor got knocked out by injury. But it's still a great show to knit or crochet to because there's so much filler.

Laurie:
I am all with you and Congratulations! for your self-discovery. My 86 year old mother thinks she is her "stuff." She also watches soap operas and I gotta say that I think anybody would get depressed and think the world sucks watching those on a daily basis.

I have decluttered several times in my life. Like when my aunt had to go into a nursing home and I helped clean her stuff up. It's just STUFF. It's not her. I went home and started decluttering my stuff.

Same when my parents moved in with me and I had to tow a trailer of scrap metal from Indiana to Wyoming.

I had emergency heart surgery two years ago and am still recovering and I am delighting in doing the latest declutter. I'm passing on the stuff I want passed on, giving away on Freecycle and to Good Will and enjoying every trip.

I took control of my life and it is good!

You should be a motivational speaker. I feel better just reading your blog every day. Not that I'm in a funk. Generally, I'm a happy, positive person, but we all have our moments and days.

I don't mind your comment-based give aways. I just like free stuff.

1. I am SO going to quote this blog to some people I love who seem to be mired in the big dark hole. I only hope they can hear me.

2. True story: I asked the guy at the gym to change from ESPN to the Food Channel - he did, and what GREAT motivation to walk fast on the treadmill that was!

Laurie...you learned in your thirties what some people never learn.

I love stinky expensive cheese.

Gorgonzola...YUM!

Your cats love you, no matter what you wear.

As a matter of fact, you can wear a tattered mumu in a horrible hawaiian print, with dirty slippers and a newspaper pirate hat, and those cats would still love this shit out of you!

*said shit*

Chris

Wise you are, for one so young.

(Sorry, stop playing my daughter won't, that Weird Al "Yoda" song on YouTube.)

I never really had a problem with my stuff defining me and I am proud of the way I raised my daughters the same way....they are not label conscious either. But the being in the hole....that is my problem and no one has ever worded it the way you have and touched me so deeply. It is worthy of being printed out and reread on a daily basis as a mantra. Thank you.

*delurking to say*

Laurie you make me laugh! Especially the bit about Dallas Raines googling himself and... My brain waves scarily echo yours. I have no idea who this person is (apart from your many photos of him) but if i google myself i KNOW he does.

Also, hi and i'm with you on the 'we've had enough of the scary financial crisis'. Work in an area of the (Australian) economy where we are now getting 4 daily updates emailled about whether the economy went up or down or sat down. Enough already. I don't get the finance-y things - i have a law degree so i don't even understand the vocabulary!

And yay for less stuff. Need to declutter wardrobe, not just keep shoving it in and closing the door on the bulge of stuff i'm never going to wear... On the other hand reorganising the bookcase is more fun! Maybe because fat books are more impressive than fat clothes...

ciao chicky.

Your use of the phrase "arguing for my own unhappiness" reminds me of an analogy I heard during a class with a Buddhist nun. She likened our anger, fear, what have you with holding a burning stick. She said, "if you saw someone holding a burning stick, what would you tell them? You'd tell them to drop the stick!" But, what most of us do is say "but wait, before I let go of the stick let me tell how you painful the stick is...how long I've been carrying it.."

I've never forgotten this lesson..I often think to myself "Put down the stick!!"

Yay, I finally get to comment again! I had fallen behind on your blog and had so much to say and no one to say it to.

Anyway, I too was a believer in Jon Bon Jovi. (I still am I think). Also, your excel budget is the best, I've been using it for 2 months and it has brought responsibility and also pleasure. Now I have guilt free spending and I know when to stop.

Next step is "I am not my stuff" - I'm still working on that.

Thanks for the great post today. I'm still working (and struggling with) the declutter thing myself. Oddly enough I really started to get the hang of it while pregnant with my first child. Suddenly the thought of my child seeing all my stuff didn't quite appeal. Like a couple others have mentioned, with a recent move (immediately following the birth of said child) it was time to declutter again. The hard part now is that most of the "stuff" sitting in storage pertains to the teaching career I've put on hold and the crafty things I have no room to do right now--current house is maybe 1/2 the size of previous house. Isn't amazing what you find you can do without? I still miss my books and crafts, but in reality there isn't time to do a lot of them with a toddler in the house. Glad to know there are so many other folks out there facing and dealing with the same "stuff". :)

Man, I feel the same way. Why obsess over every little detail of the news because a) I can do nothing about it and b) why be worried. I try to actively avoid the news lately, and get my news where I want it instead of being forcefed by some announcer.

I feel the same about the elevator TVs. I hate hate hate them. Why make everyone worried & sad? I have been really awfully tempted to use a TV-B-Gone on one of them. (http://www.tvbgone.com. no, not affiliated at all with the company).
The blood donation place I go to is worse. One time I went and they were showing pictures of the Katrina aftermath (no, sound not muted). Another time, it was a special on ANIMAL ATTACKS. Like I need that kind of program before donating blood. Hello, already here, already convinced to donate, people! Don't need any excuse to get freaked out and walk away.

Bless you for a wonderful, insightful post. I was raised in another country, where there are no unemployment checks if you lose your job. Your are responsible for your own (mis)management of your finances. Most people there learn when young how to save their money-- it was rare to see anyone using a credit card when I was growing up. Maybe this current financial crisis will have a good side to it - we all need a shake-up once in a while.

TV on the elevator? I would have to take the stairs. Who thought that up, anyway?

Exactly in the middle of all this financial crazy, I have signed a one-year lease for a small office suite for my regular job, and I am putting a small knitting and spinning shop into the larger part of the available space. I refuse to be upset about this. My bank says our savings are safe, and that's good enough for me. We'll see what happens.

I was very lucky that my folks taught me to save for what I want and not to rack up cradit card debt. I was also lucky to realize when I was about 25 that people who really matter just aren't impressed with what kind of stuff you have. And iff you put too much value on it, you don't own stuff. Stuff owns you.

Every college student should have to read your post today. And I also think every college student should have to take an extended backpacking trip. The moment whjen you realize that everything you really NEED (except maybe for cats and knitting) can be carried on your back ... it changes your view of "stuff."

And as everyone who's gone through a flood knows -- the stuff that really counts, cannot be replaced. Family photos, the quilt granny made, etc. Everything else is prety much just consumer goods.

You're a wonderful writer and you always give me food for thought. Yay you.

I've just gotta say....You make me smile.

That's pretty damn awesome.

Great post Laurie. No need to stress over the Dow - nothing can be done to change it. And not such a big worry for you either, as you are debt free, a great way to live! I think your tale here is just what a lot of Americans need to hear. Kudos!

That my dear was an excellent post. Gold Star with a Twist.

Thank you for these wise words when we need them most! :)

I've been carrying around my little handbag of worry the past few weeks, feeling that I should be worrying about this financial mess. But you are so right, me carrying this around isn't going to help the dow at all. Thank you for reminding me of that!

Plus! you mention my other issue today: the quality of my stuff represents the quality of me. Where did I pick up this mantra? It's really been making me feel inferior most of my life, as I was always the poor kid amongst my friends. I obsessed about stuff and didn't realize that my friends were *still* my friends, despite my lack of stuff. So the stuff really didn't matter in the end, but I only realized that last week.

Doesn't mean I won't stop to touch the silky soft cashmere sweaters and purr over designer satin, but my friends will still be my friends even if I don't own them :) Happiness, here I come!

Took me 50 years to arrive at the "you are not your stuff". I wish I could infuse this into my late teens/early 20's children, they would be all the more happier! You are Spot ON!

What a great post! It's amazing how good it feels to make a budget and pay your bills every month - even if it only leaves you $5 of "fun money" - because what I do with my money is something I can truly control. Knowing that I'm making my future better by sacrificing now is so rewarding.

This is really in response to you mentioning Kermit yesterday.

http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/27350111.html

For unwanted television--in the elevators, at the doctor's office, or wherever, I recommend TV-B-Gone (http://www.tvbgone.com) It's awesome!

I have to admit I've been depressed lately. My knitting is holding no joy. I find myself awake at night, or in the middle of it. Your post is giving me some perspective. thanks for the positive attitude about our economy going to hell in a handbasket. Nothing I can do about it, and my fear won't change anything. Maybe now I can finish knitting one of the 20 things I cast on in the past week.

I swear, you are channeling my mother. I'm all over "less stuff=less stress"...that's been my bumper sticker for years!

Nice job...you put things into words that many people feel. how awesome that gift is...

I'm in that deep dark hole financially. But I will find my way out. So i start today, planning which debt to pay first and then building from there. I can do it. Not fun, but the freedome it will bring will be worth it. Thanks Laurie for the guidance and support.

First of all, I am VERY (too?) excited about this book! Thank you!!!

Secondly, but more importantly,

"There are two big things I learned during my own personal financial crisis. One: No matter how big a hole you're in, you can choose how you feel about it. And two: You are not your stuff."

This is one of the best things I've read in I-don't-know-how-long. Thank you for the whole post, but especially this. Sometimes I need a big whallop of perspective on things, and lesson #1 is hugely important. And when I get stressed out or sad, I have the urge to buy things and hoard and be a packrat, and lesson #2 is hugely important there, too.

And you have me thinking of a super upside to this whole financial disaster... maybe I will be able to go to Europe next year! Hmmmmm....!

TV's in elevators? I must be living under a rock.

Laurie, I know sometimes you get 'concerned' readers who think you could use a 12-step program when you post an entry about knitting and wine. I am a 12-stepper, and somehow, you're coming to the conclusions on your own that my program has taught me. And somehow you seem to be learning it faster!

I'm all about the need for us to get some kind of course on credit and finances at some point. I have twice used Consumer Credit Counseling (the non-profit cheap one that really pays your bills for you) to pay off credit cards. I have one year left on my debt management plan. woot! Since this is my second go-round, I have learned at this point that I cannot be trusted with credit cards, so NEVER AGAIN will I get one. If I cannot pay for a vacation or a pair of shoes with cash, I will not buy it at all.

Anyway, *hugs* to you. Loved this entry.

the whole world needs to hear this - hope you put it in your next book !

As someone who keeps slogging around in the Black Hole of Negativity.... *sigh* I need to remember that. I, too, tend to defend my unhappiness and it's actually cost me pretty dearly (which I hate to admit. I'd rather blame someone else.). Thank you for hitting the nail so squarely on the head!!!! Oh, and I started down the black pit of credit card debt thanks to one of those college things. Fortunately, I got to about $1600 and said "whoa!! I see where THIS headed!" and canceled it.

Great post Laurie! It's sad how it takes something really bad for us to realize all the good we have. I never would have learned how to manage my finances if I didn't also get into debt being a young dummie and divorced. It took tragedy to realize what's really important. So, I'm not looking at my 401(k) at all, it will come back (I hope!).

I told myself when I heard the first whispers of the financial crisis and the impending bailout that I wouldn't change what I was doing. That I was going to be thrifty, because I don't like eating out all the time and because I make better ice cream than a restaurant. I was going to buy the things I needed and that I wasn't going to change the money around. I don't want to poopoo what is happening to the economy, but I am pretty well convinced that if I moved it around now I would be doing something much worse than just leaving it there. I'm a lot happier than some of the people I know, because they are obsessing over all of these things that they can't really change and I'm just pretending that I'm from the 60s and that things are just groovy.

We had the little tv screens right over the elevators in Korea, on the subways, and huge giant ones on sides of buildings in Seoul, Korea.

But, they were all just commericals... in Korean. So, I never knew what was going on- sometimes I couldn't even figure out what they were advertising-- since, some were so 'vague and arty.'

Currently I am trying to get more stuff out than in which is hard because, genetically, I'm a piler and stasher. Helpfully a charity can count on me for monthly pickups. Even if it's one bagful I feel like I'm getting somewhere.

Hi,

I am in one of those holes right now. I am in graduate school, my significant other is trying to start a business, our credit sucks beyond imagination, we have only 1 car for the 2 of us so I usually have to ride a bicycle, that car does not have valid insurance or a registration because I can't afford it, and I have my bill collector's phone numbers memorized. Also, I too live in the valley.

But I am going to get out of the hole. I know, this, I try to remember it every day, and it is really nice to hear from someone who did it. I am young, I have a cute cat, a great boyfriend, I will soon have an advanced degree, and my future will be better than my present. (even though it is sometimes hard to remember that)

Thanks. alot.

Laurie,
Your comment "No matter how big a hole you're in, you can choose how you feel about it" resonated with me. I didn't hear it as a financial hole, but as an emotional one. And to hear that the hole was big enough for me, my emotions, my fears AND my cute shoes, was very uplifting. I'm going to keep that image in my heart. Thank you.

Long time reader, first time commenter (I think). I read your first book and while I thought it was good, I think the second book you write (maybe you're already writing it) will be even better. I would love to see you write a book about your relationship with your stuff, with debt, etc., b/c you write in a way that is relatable, and authentic, and yet funny too. I can relate to this experience too well and consider myself lucky that I came to grips with debt at a time when my consumer debt was actually pretty low (relatively speaking -- I was broke, so it seemed unsurmountable to me).

Thanks for the great post. After 29 years of marriage, I am now trying to work through divorce settlement and have been totally obsessed with financial fear. You make me think of the future with hope.

My cats are a great source of comfort also - and sometimes just a counter-irritant.

You are so awesome! This is what I tried to tell my high school students last year. When I'd ask what they'd want to be when they were older they would reply "Rich!" When I asked how, they'd reply, "Just use a credit card!" Hmmmm...

If more people had this attitude our country probably wouldn't be in the mess it is now. Darn greed! :)

Laurie - I'm tempted to leave this blank, because nothing can top, add to or improve what you said. But being me {snerk} I must add: this is what I call the "traffic jam philosophy", in a nutshell. You're at a stand-still, everyone around you is bursting eyeballs, pounding steering wheels, and there is a deep blue haze arising from all the foul language being poured into the ether. Is it having any effect? Nope. Then there's me, listening to cool music on the radio and knitting. Is it having any effect? Nope. But I won't get a bleeding ulcer. (There ARE times, occasionally, when I add to the blue haze, but nevermind.) This post should be printed LARGELY and handed out on street corners, in classrooms, and especially on college campuses. I'm going to link to it (hope you don't mind). You are the finest young woman I know of, and I am proud to call you Granddaughter. (Shut up, I'm nowhere as cool as your Gran, but I can call you that anyway, so there.) I hope your strength and confidence are increased by everyone who reads you, because you deserve all the affection and admiration you're getting, whether you know it or not.

Thanks for putting this into words. I've dug myself out of student debt by changing my habits, and one of the things that helped me fix my spending was when I looked at stuff and instead of seeing something I enjoyed, I saw the money I could have instead, that could be less overdraft.

Cheers!

how right you are and how easy it is to forget sometimes! Especially when I get a new toy (aka Ipod phone) or some cool new shoes, I kind-of forget that I'm not my stuff. I appreciate the reminder!

It was so awesome of you to post your spreadsheet. I just spent a couple of hours filling this in and it will be very useful. Thanks!!

Laurie, I've been using your spreadsheet--I love its simplicity! Thank you.

You need to write another book!!! On on finances and "things" this time. You write in such a wonderful and sincere way and I as a 53 year old mom with grown kids would be first in line to buy it!
Cathy

touching. i'm going to use that pink budget with my income and hope that i'm in the same place you are in a couple of years. . . we are not really an island onto ourselves are we?

I'm not my stuff. Except for my Mac. I might be my Mac.