Hmm.. If one were to visit LA... how is the walking?? ;)

Halloween driving IS insane. Since when did Halloween become all about driving your kids hither and yon instead of driving them door to door like my kooky grandma did?

Poor New Jersey. I'm glad you're breaking it to him gently. I know what it's like to move to a new city and have no clue about anything local.

BTW, is NJ cute and/or single?

Hey Laurie - thanks for the laughs this morning. I love the ongoing saga of New Jersey! :)

You're kidding....Halloween traffic?? Daylight Savings issues?? Oh god. Just when I was getting to like Southern California driving.

I understand and find the traffic snarls amusing when it rains--of course I am watching from the comfort of my chair.

This is another one of those times I am grateful for living in a small country town in the UK. Our worst traffic revolves around goes crossing the road to be milked!

Laurie, you're having way TOO much fun with New Jersey. I love these updates, they're fantastic....

Oh man, I pity this guy. That is exactly how I felt when I moved out here from MN last year!

Okay - I did google it. Saw the map with travel speeds in little colored dots, and accidents in colored diamonds. Pretty cool!

But I don't want to drive in it!

I think I'll stay here in CT with our construction and snow and all that traffic goodness which I can watch - and mock - from the train.

People out here forget how to drive in the snow. I always hate the first storm of winter. Always lots of cars off the road no matter how little snow or ice there is.

Poor New Jersey. I feel for the guy. I think I would go insane. Before I became a SAHM, I had a 35 mile one-way commute which took only 40 minutes and only involved one stop sign and no traffic lights.

Where in New Jersey is this guy from? South Jersey (which is really more like Alabama)? I lived 8 years of my life there and the traffic and drivers are nuts. Not LA nuts, no, but we did have our share of traffic snarls, ticks and vices. You learn the importance of a Jersey Sweep, how to deal with jug handles and most importantly, you understand all the blips and bumps that can make traffic come to a halt (snow, rain, brush fires, accidents, small explosions, random animals, sporting events, concerts, etc).

Although we never did have that problem with driving at night.

Ohh, poor Justin (the first commenter today). NOBODY walks in L.A.!

I also love the saga of New Jersey! Does he know he's becoming famous?

It's posts like this one that make me miss living in LA. Seriously - the traffic is in-fucking-sane, but yet at least it's predictably bad. I'm not NECESSARILY hoping you get a winter like 2004/2005, but it would be funny to hear about your new famous colleague New Jersey.

There should be T-shirts: "Don't Tease New Jersey, He's New Here" or something much cleverer than that. Sell them on the internets and make him really famous!

poor guy might actually explode when you tell him what happens when it rains!

Poor man - - he just doesn't have a clue, does he?

Did NJ not drive in NJ?!? I grant you LA traffic is an artform unto its own, but vast portions of the Garden State are densely populated and trafficy. We are talking about a state that makes you wait until 17 years of ago for a driver's license, in an effort to cull the number of people on the roads.

Also wanted to say that your on-going honest accounting of your efforts to be a sensible consumer (within your own self-defined boundaries) and to declutter your environment have been enjoyable. You seem to have found a happy medium. :-)

I never understood the Halloween traffic, but it's so true. When I commuted from Burbank to Santa Monica, it took 3 HOURS to get back home. I never worked on Halloween again.

Now I'm ten minutes from home and beat out all the little hobgoblins.

That is just too funny! It almost sounds like Long Island traffic where things are at a practical standstill for miles, then suddenly there's open road and speeding drivers. It's crazy!

poor new jersey.

I'm with Kate. NJ must not have driven in NJ because the many memories I have of it involved bad traffic. But I live in LA's little sister when it comes to bad traffic. Driving in Miami is harrowing. Last year a man actually hung himself from a tree alongside the highway and strange things are always spilling on the roads and there are always car chases. The sheer insanity of Miamians manifests itself daily in creative ways on our roads, which are, I might add, perpetually under construction because that makes it even more exciting.

I feel so sorry for NJ. I've never been to LA but the traffic here in Atlanta is pretty much what I think it must be like being in hell. My 6 mile commute has taken me well over an hour on more than one occasion. But lucky me....it only took me 45 minutes this morning. Gah.

New Jersey needs to talk to other commuters in his [home] area. To successfully drive to or through downtown L.A., you need a minimum of 14 alternates. And you need to learn the strategic points at which you make the decision to change your route or not.

A friend of my Dad's, coincidentally also from Jersey, was arrested for walking in LA.

No, he wasn't being "profiled" - the only profile he fit was Middle-Aged Moderately Conservatively Dressed White Male. And he wasn't prying, or drinking, or peering into windows. He was just ... walking. Taking a stroll after dinner.

Which people apparently Do Not Do in LA.

Apparently you can Live and Die in LA, you just can't Walk in LA.

poor new jersey! just wait till the streets succumb to rainy season mayhem...my LA friends tell me there was a hilarious "STORM WATCH" going on on the news all last winter, despite the lack of a real storm. Nothing like a couple drizzly days to create traffic pandemonium in CA!

There is no way to explain or imagine LA traffic unless you live there. Visiting doesn't really give you the full experience of having it "ruin your life." It's a gradual ruining, but when it hits you, you stop going anywhere. And that is one of the many reasons why I left LA.

Poor baby. Wonder if you could convince him to get up and set out early when the forecast the night before is for the first rain of the season? If not, he's in for a nasty shock. Has anyone suggested he keep booze and/or tranqs in his desk for that day?

And the plot thickens...

I am eternally grateful that my commute is approximately 25 steps -- from my bedroom to my upstairs office.

And please do let us know how NJ reacts to the first rain :)

Too funny! I'm loving this saga. . .

P.S. Laurie, I immediately thought of you when I saw this: http://www.cbc.ca/cp/Oddities/080904/K090408AU.html

Ray Bradbury also got stopped by the police for walking along a sidewalk, but I believe it was technically in Hollywood.

Does Boston still work in your office? Wait 'til NJ's blood thins and he freezes when it goes below 70 degrees F!

Forgot to mention the Ray Bradbury incident was the inspiration for his story The Pedestrian
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/19/theater/newsandfeatures/19kend.html

When I first moved out here (from Ohio) I would see all of these cars flipped over on the freeway and it would only be sprinkling. I couldn't understand how people managed that until a few months ago I witnessed a lady do it. She drove, at 10 mph, into the concrete barrier. I couldn't believe my eyes, 10 mph, she could have just stopped! I think the natives see it as an amusment park ride.

Do any of y'all remember that song by Missing Persons

Walkin in LA,
Walkin in L - A (octave jump on A),
Only a nobody walks in LA

Ah, the early 80's. Good times.

Technically a Sig-alert is an announcement from the CHP that at least one lane is closed for at least half an hour. The name was coined in 1955 by LAPD Chief Parker after a radio engineer named Loyd C. "Sig" Sigmon who invented an electronic system so the LAPD could inform radio stations of traffic and other problems. The CHP took the system over in 1969 and limited it to freeway traffic problems.

Nowadays it means any persistent traffic tie-up, where officially announced or not.

pity the poor fool.

You all must not have read what I wrote earlier about New Jersey. Yes of course he drove there and in NYC and the east coast and he has said more than once that he *thought* he knew traffic before coming here!

But it's not the same, you simply won't believe it unless you have to live and work here so I won't bother trying to convince you!

But here's some perspective... the entire STATE of New Jersey has a population of 8,724,560. The greater metropolitan Los Angeles region has a population of 12,923,54. Just the greater metropolitan area. The combined statistical measuring area is upwards of 17 million. That's like driving through all the residents of the entire state of NJ twice -- if you want to get from one far-flung part of town to another. For me, I live on one end of the combined statistical area and commute to its midpoint, our friend NJ lives on the other end and commutes from a different side (with less mass transit options, poor guy.)

The Valley alone has a population of almost 2 million, and so just crossing the valley like I do every single day for work is like driving through three Bostons (plus some, since Boston's population is 590,763). So while Boston's traffic appears to be snarly, too, as many commenters have pointed out a lot ... it's still a fraction of the density of population and length of commute. There's not really any population thinning until you reach the very far edges of the CSA, like on the way to Ventura.

Also, in unrelated news, I am a HUGE NERD.

Anyway, this column is meant to be funny. Not an argument for traffic! We always win that one ;)

Poor New Jersey. I remember discovering all this stuff. But I can't help but enjoy watching his journey of discovery.

I don't think I listened to any other radio station other than KNX AM1070 the whole time I lived in LA.

I remember my Mom saying, confidently, that the traffic on the LA freeway shouldn't be bad at 1pm because it was in the middle of the day.

I'm still dabbing my eyes from that one. Hoo!

I live in Northern New Jersey and the traffic here can get really bad. If you live anywhere near New York City, you have to contend with that traffic. If there is a football game at the Meadowlands or congestion in NY, you better believe traffic near the bridges and tunnels is going to be bad.

I now take the train to work to Jersey City (right accross the river from NYC)because it takes over an hour during rush hour to drive 12 miles.

If a bus breaks down in one of tunnels, forget about getting to work on time. It took me 4 hours to drive into work one day because a bus brokedown in the Lincoln tunnel.

Poor NJ.

Serious question: just how bad is the rain out there? I mean, it does rain often here, but more often than not, especially in spring and fall, it's a soft, gentle, persistent rain as opposed to a hard, driving, wrath-of-God rain. Out there you have mudslides, which has gotta mean you have either less stable hills or more rain in a short timespan. Or both.

*Sigh*. I was hoping the days would stay warm and long forever.

I DO want to live there - I just don't think I could deal with traffic that is worse than where I live, Dallas

So, is there an office pool on when he moves back to New Jersey?

When does the sun glare traffic delay begin in LA? It is starting here in Northern NJ. Oh and how about the digital traffic signs meant to warn you about delays. They cause their own delays when everyone must STOP to read the message - ugh!

Oh the drama! I am loving these installments. The suspense of the first day of rainy traffic is almost too much.

I needed a laugh today and here you are.

Oh, I remember being new to CA traffic. My hubby is CHP so I see/hear about it all. Keep us posted on New Jersey. Can you, like, take a spy cam to work and post a pic of him on your blog? ;)

Oh the joys of SoCal traffic. No one believes it until they experience it. Daylight Savings Time ending is one of the worst changes. It takes about 2 weeks to recover.

Me thinks Widelawns and I will be hot-foot-in it outa town pretty quick here as Hurricane Ike comes to town. Then traffic will really get interesting.

I'm scheduled to go up to stepford-for-geezers N. of here to do a life-styles (gag) preview with SO's sis (who is pushing the idea of leaving good ole W.Palm Beach Adjacent...actually, that is looking pretty good abt. now...no hurricanes!!)

Gotta go shutter-up now...CAP, hope your folks are ready for this one...no tellin at this pt. where it will go.

How are your zucchini's coming along? Did you see this article where a woman grew a 6 foot long one?

http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/queens/2008/09/03/2008-09-03_woman_in_shock_over_giant_zucchini_.html

"Which begins with Halloween," said my other co-worker. "Halloween is INSANE."

ok, i live in Salem, MA, Halloween capital of the WORLD! if your co-worker wants to talk about "INSANE" Halloween traffic, have 'em come talk to me! Halloween season starts Oct. 1st and ends on Halloween, it entails, parades every weekend, which means the entire downtown turns into a maze, getting from point a to point b, now requires going via point f and g... and TOURISTS! they are EVERYWHERE! more than normal...ok, my little rant is done and i'd like to thank you for listening and for your support. :)

Sheesh... I lived in the LA area for seven years, and never really understood what a Sigalert (thank you, Laurie and le Google)! I'd forgotten all about them since moving away.

is he cute?

mr. nj makes another appearance. hmm...

isn't a sig alert when sig hansen walks in the house?

Ooh, I love "le google." French pronounciation, please?

Is it wrong if I sort of can't wait until it rains out there, just to see what NJ has to say about it? I mean, that's going to get blogged, right? It has to!

Will he ever learn? I'm guessing it may take a while. It doesn't seem like he's appreciative of all the helpful advice and warnings you've been giving to him. Hopefully one day he'll look back on these conversations with gratitude - and some laughter.:)

I was in Salem, MA last year during the October festivities. It wasn't even CLOSE to being as bad as Los Angeles on a "normal" day. I thought that Boston-area traffic was a dream compared to Los Angeles.

Yes, the holiday traffic madness in So CA begins at Halloween and goes through the first week of January. Morning commute traffic, which is always terrible, becomes especially nightmarish during this time.

In Southern California, when it rains the sky BARFS rain in bucketfuls. During El Nino years, you might see light rain and drizzles sometimes (and horrific summer humidity). But, usually, it's either sun or (rare) torrential rain.

Poor, poor New Jersey. He's so clueless, he's like a cartoon character.

I lived in LA for about 4 months, during that time I actually was enjoying all the traffic. Hooowever, I sure wouldn't want to HAVE to drive in it every day and count on getting places on time, looking half decent, still able to think etc., It definitely takes skill, stamina, sense of humor - sort of like driving in a race, even though it was slow for big stretches. I did like those lanes that were only for certain exits.

I miss LA traffic so much sometimes! Here people will chase you down if you drive like a total ass to get through traffic.... back home in the LA/OC area you just get the finger.... from little old ladies.... AH Home sweet home.

classic!
love, MAsshole stuck in SD traffic which is no way as bad as LA traffic but still sucks.

I love your stories. They make me laugh and remind me to be greatful that I live in a public transit haven. I would probably die not being able to walk or take the subway everywhere.

You've sold me! I'm totally moving from where everything is a twenty minute commute to LA. Get that extra room ready.

A sig alert. I have not heard those words in many years, brings back memories. Memories of when I lived in Orange County and often drove down Harbor Blvd, the street that runs alongside Disneyland and the Matterhorn. Only I could not actually see the Matterhorn because of a sig alert. I also rememebr the day I learned that sig alert was named after a real person. Living in Orange County, good times.

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i just love that you call him new jersey. coming from massachusetts, i have, like all other east-coasters, a healthy disdain for new jersey-ites. usually we laugh when someone admits to being from new jersey (i can almost hide it now, but not quite), although nobody really knows why we do. i'm sure you're innocent of it, but i feel that mild ha-ha attitude in his nickname. all in good fun. and you know, i was in LA/san diego for 2 weeks in august and we managed to avoid most of the deadly traffic hours and only got stuck a couple times. not as bad as i expected from your posts, but as i said we avoided the rush hours.

@Robin: Maybe she did it for a bet? You know, that actually sounds LESS stupid than "I drove into the barrier at 10 miles per hour!" Was she putting her makeup on? Did she forget which one was the brake? Did she get an electronic signal from New Jersey?

The plot thickens.