« The edible lawn...? | Main | Mysteries of the deep.... »

August 19, 2008

Well, I declare!

This last half of August (which apparently began a week ago, in my mind) has turned out to be far busier than I expected. All sorts of exciting things have happened, like when the metal doodad holding down the thingamajig connecting the canvas top to my Jeep came undone ON THE FREEWAY so the top started peeling back as I was driving at nearly top speeds at 7:30 in the morning on a Saturday on my way to a weekend seminar. AWESOME!!! But I guess I had more commitment to the seminar than I expected because I freaked out only for a second then exited the freeway without hitting anyone (very good) and drove the rest of the way on side streets holding the canvas top that was flapping up with my bare hands. I arrived late and exhausted and dirty but I arrived, dammit!

Re: Dammit
Someone wrote me an email saying they couldn't like my book because of the "potty mouth bits" and to that I say, you should have met me before I had any readers, or before my parents got the website address and way before I got an editor! I was hellfire and trucker lips! Yummy!

I may stop reading email. Or perhaps I'll find someone to screen them all for me and just send me just the good ones. Actually that is a fabulous idea! Maybe my email screener can be named Raoul and wear little red bikini pants and bring me drinks with umbrellas in them! Oh, and read email too sometimes. Dammit.

SO. The seminar I attended on Saturday finished on Sunday and my whole weekend was spent on learnin' stuff. The Jeep problem was "solved" after Saturday's full-day seminar. I just used my time in the venue's parking garage wisely, while everyone else lined up to exit I removed the canvas that shaded me from the sun (sigh) and got out my handy duct tape to keep the metal doodad from flapping off. I have learned it is best to carry duct tape in the Jeep at all times as my car frequently likes to eject its parts when it gets tired of holding on to them.

There was no time to get it properly fixed on Sunday as I had MORE learnin' to do! There was this one guy I saw on Sunday sitting a few rows ahead of me and he was wearing shoes I couldn't get a picture of without being obviously, you know, weird and creepy ... but they were these suede saddle shoes we were all OBSESSED with my first year of college. Everyone and their brother (boys and girls alike!) wore these and we called them bucks. I do not know why. We wore those shoes with our Duckhead cut-offs and these striped Rugby shirts that were all the rage and our weird surferdude hair. Basically, for an entire year of college me and everyone I knew dressed like a gay preppy boy who'd been attacked by the L.L. Bean catalog. But when I saw that guy's shoes at the seminar I just melted a little on the inside because even though we may have been dorks we thought we were cool, and it made me feel all nostalgic and forgetty about my car problems.

The most traumatic thing that happened to me occurred yesterday morning when I woke up with the following song lyrics STUCK in my head:
Oh-kay, here's the situation! My parents went away on a week's vacation!

Not just those two lines, but the whole entire song. Now let's look at this objectively for a moment. I cannot remember my own cellphone number half the time, I forget birthdays, I have to park in the same place everyday or I can't find my car. Yet I know ALL THE LYRICS to "Parents Just Don't Understand," a song which has not been popular for two decades!! My brain cells are mutinous, 80s-loving nostalgic little creatures who really just want more wine and less stimulation. Bastards!!

Finally, here is my beauty supermodel Frankie:


She looked deep in thought, so I said, Hey Frankie! Why are you so pensive and ponder-y? And she said, First of all ponder-y is not a word. But since you asked, I am thinking about Frank.

Frank is a knitting buddy who makes amazing cakes and has a cute kid named Oliver and Frank has been in and out of the hospital a lot lately and is going through chemo and I guess Frankie was thinking about Frank. So if you get a chance today and want to leave happy cheerful getwellnessisms to Frank, this is his webpage. And I believe even the most delicate ears among us will agree or at least manage to look the other way when I proclaim loudly: SCREW CANCER!

Posted by laurie at August 19, 2008 7:46 AM