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August 20, 2008

Mysteries of the deep....

Sometimes when it is dark and stormy and cold outside I like to pull out my knitting and curl up on the sofa and do nothing but drink warm beverages out of a cup that may or may not be laced with Calvados....

Wait! OH YEAH YA'LL. I live in the valley where it doesn't rain. Ever! Our new teammate here at Big Corporation, Inc. who as you will recall is from New Jersey (so I call him New Joisey, which for whatever reason doesn't amuse him but if we were below the Mason Dixon it would SO get laughs) (ANYWAY) poor New Jersey came in to work the other day and declared that he had not seen one drop of rain since he'd moved to this godforsaken city.

"Doesn't it ever rain here?" he asked.
"No," I said. "Until it does rain and then...."
"... and then what?" he asked.
"Uh, have you ever been to someplace where it never snows when it accidentally snows? And so people can't drive in it but try to anyway?"
"No," he said.
"Oh! I think my phone is ringing!"

And so I still haven't told him what happens here when it rains.

BUT IF IT DID ever get dark and stormy and below 85 degrees, I would probably dork out and watch a Tivo'd show off the History channel called ROGUE WAVES!!!!! Because that is exactly what I did the other night when I couldn't sleep and it was dark but not stormy and definitely not cold.

I sat right there and got my nerd on with the History Channel. And learned all about ROGUE WAVES!!!! Apparently for hundreds of years seamen (heh) would tell tall tales of bigass rogue waves hitting boats and coming from nowhere and yet nobody believed them. In fact, there was a whole period of time when ship captains were afraid to say they'd taken a rogue wave because people would think they were drunk. (Also, for the record, from now on if I have had too much to drink I am going to tell people I have taken on a rogue wave.)

But in time, as people evolved and got fancier and so on, mathematicians made whole gigantor math calculations and equations and quadrilaterals and biceps (can you tell who painted her nails with scented glitter polish during Algebra I?) and these mathematicians declared that rogue waves -- any wave of tremendous height of 100 feet or so -- could only occur once in every 10,000 years. Once in every 10,000 years! So they concluded that rogue waves do not really exist and seafarers were full of seacrap.

Then fast forward to the 1980s or maybe 1990s (all right, fine, I wasn't exactly taking notes) and a huge old wave hits an oil drilling platform in some cold northern sea and it was recorded by sonar or radar or somedar. The first measured rogue wave! And eventually satellites began to map the wave patterns of the earth's oceans and by now scientists seem to agree that rogue waves not only exist, they are way more frequent than scientists apparently ever dreamed in their wildest, wettest, roguest dreams.

Now that is something else. I love that science can 100% unequivocally say that a thing doesn't exist (or occurs once in every 10,000 years) and then one day that science is just debunked and all the math was wrong, wrong wrong and two cruiseships are hit by rogue waves in a 12-hour period. Because it means that A) I have yet another reason for saying I will never go on a cruise and B) there is still so much we don't know and any old thing could happen. In a good way! Like your diagnosis could be wrong or you could just magically spontaneously heal or you could experience something people think doesn't exist or money could actually grow on trees. Magic!

But the reason I feel compelled to share with you every gory and probably mistranslated detail of this really nerdy programming I enjoy is that They ("The U.S. Department of They") believe some of the mysterious disappearances of ships in the Bermuda Triangle might be attributed to rogue waves. Which reminded me ... OH YEAH! How come nobody ever talks about the Bermuda Triangle anymore?

When I was a kid the Bermuda Triangle was the it-girl of its day. It was the spooky, scary mysterious phenomenon that everyone talked about and there were movies about it and it was a really big deal! When the heck did the Bermuda Triangle go out of style? Was it right around the time we stopped wearing parachute pants and spending hours contouring our blusher? How did this go quietly into the night without my mourning its passing?

Also, wow. I really used to be all about the contouring blush. Three colors of blush to make your face look extra pink and ridiculous!

So, that is all I have to share today. I believe I have reached my nerdy maximum sharing limit for the day and will retreat back to my corner. My corner which is definitely NOT in the Bermuda Triangle and definitely not experiencing rain!

And also, sadly bereft of contouring blush in three magical, delicious shades of pink.

Posted by laurie at August 20, 2008 8:42 AM