Well, if he doesn't like to see heavy people, then he can sit in the special section of the plane where they cram two "slim" people to a seat for half-price. :) This is definitely one of those issues that makes me think "where are we going, and why are we in this handbasket?"

It's just disgusting when people say horrible things about their fellow man. Unless the airlines start charging by weight (the way freight does) then a customer's weight should be of no concern.
I think people are a lot meaner on the Internet because of the anonymity. I don't think they would say such terrible things to someone's face. At least I hope not.

People are just plain mean. Also, I agree with Liz R. Would people say horrible things if they were face to face?

Wow. I'm always shocked at how horrible and mean people can be. Just really disturbing.

Those kinds of people always make me wonder how their parents/grandparents treated them as kids. Maybe the grown-ups around them criticized them this way? I can't imagine feeling "okay" with myself if I talked down to people.

I agree about the anonymity stuff -- from my experiences on this website I've learned that people feel more confident to say things through the internet (or email) that they would never say to me in person. Also because I am armed at all times with my giant handbag (ha!)

Having said that though, the things people do say in person are still nutty! When I was on book tour I cannot tell you how many times I heard, "Oh! You're not nearly as fat in person as you look in pictures!" If I heard it once, I heard it eleventy-nine times. This was intended to be a compliment I suppose, but imagine so many people day after day telling you that in person. Weird!

these might be the same people who hog all the overhead storage.

Sometimes the mouth (or the fingers) engage before the brain does. So sad.

It makes me mad that this kind of discrimination takes place. People have enough body issues without being publically humiliated at the airport!

Apparently, these bigots (yes, that's what they are) lack the imagination and empathy to understand that for people who are overweight, and people who have other sorts of disabilities, flying by air is at least as uncomfortable as those who are "inconvenienced" by us. Don't want to sit next to an overweight/disabled/different-religion-than-you passenger? Then start your own darn airline, fer cryin' out loud!

Now all I can think of are the high school wrestlers who would starve for a few days before a match to "make weight." Is that what we're supposed to do? Starve ourselves before getting on a plane? Yeesh! The lack of manners and common courtesy is appaling anymore.

Just remember at least my bus is not on fire. I feel the only sane reaction to this kind of negativity. Is to be as positive as possible in similar situations model kindness.Will the person who posted the nasty comment know? No but modeling kindness may make someone else think twice before being mean on the internets or elsewhere.

I have no words to express how rude that was.

Given the much higher % of overweight people in society today (not pointing fingers, just stating a fact), perhaps it's time the airlines adjust their "normal" passenger weight calculations and the seat sizes to accommodate the societal norm instead of expecting society to conform to them.

that is horrifying. sad that people can't be kinder towards each other.

Discrimation against heavy people is the last group is still regarded with such distain. Take fat/heavy etc. in any of these nasty comments from people and from airlines, etc. and substitute another group's name....then you can see why this is such a discriminatory thing. It is apparently OK in our culture to insult overweight people. If you suggested that Polish people, or hispanics or gay people pay extra for something you'd be ripped apart by everyone. Why should heavy people be discriminated against. Science does not understand why people are fat. We are where alcholics were 40 years ago. Now we know that alcoholism is a disease. Obesity is complex. I find it sad and shocking that otherwise intelligent people treat overweight people with contempt.

So one guy who wanted to be compensated for being "inconvenienced" by sitting next to an overweight person. Will I get compensated when I sit next to the guy with noxious bad breath or the child who kicks the back of my seat for an hour? I didn't think so.

The internet is an nice place to visit but I wouldn't want to live there.

People can be incredibly toxic, and unfortunately it's a learned behavior. (You should have bopped those people on your book tour with your Mary Poppins umbrella!) Uh-oh, now I'm being mean...

It is awfully disheartening that people feel free, no, ENTITLED to be so judgemental about weight, isn't it? Last I checked, the majority of Americans are considered overweight. So I guess that when that commenter refers to "these people" he/she means the ones fatter than him? Because I'm sure (sarcasm alert) that he is either fantastically fit & therefore morally superior or there's a good reason for his weight issues, unlike "these people" who are just big fat banana slugs. (end of sarcasm) Dude, I don't have to justify my weight to anyone. Yes, I'd like to have less mass than I do at present. From the teenage years on I've probably always wanted to have at least a little less mass than I had at any given moment. And I know people who need or would like to put on some weight but won't or can't. But guess what? It's NO ONE ELSE'S BUSINESS if we weigh what we way because of what we eat/don't eat/used to eat, natural metabolism, or because of a medical condition or any combination thereof!
And Jeezopete--HUMILIATION as a motivator? I wonder how many people have issues as a result of being on the receiving end of that attitude? I hope that commenter doesn't have kids.

I want to know what they are going to do about pregnant travelers! Penalize them as fat because they are carrying a second person? Charge them for two?

God, I hope a pregnant hormonal woman take a nasty, hate-spewing skinny person out if they say something!

Pretty unbelievable and certainly not the least compassionate...or empathetic with possible medical problems.

Recently saw a comment on banning peanut products from a school district due to peanut allergies that are so severe they cause death - the commenter said something like "Put all the kids with peanut allergies in one room and feed them peanut butter! That will solve the problem." Absolutely crazed thinking.

"...and why are we in this handbasket?"

That has to be the best comment ever (above). I've never heard that expression before!

I wish we all had automatic empathy receptors in our bodies so that we could feel how hurtful our words could be to others. Maybe we wouldn't be so quick to judge people who are different from us if we knew exactly how it felt to be on the receiving end of such comments. (But then again, maybe we'd become immune to the empathy shocks over time and would have to resort to more and more nasty comments about others to feel the effects...) Nevermind then.

I always figured (being a heavier person) that eating too much food for one's caloric needs, (because that is what I do not speaking for all) has a very public result. Other people's addictions or pedilictions or weaknesses (or however folks judge 'eating too much' to be) are fairly private e.g., pornography, beating their kids, highway rage, gambling. Or, perhaps the way others try to take care of their souls is something that has a result that society hails as good e.g., puke up their food and be slender or workaholism for power property and prestige, etc., Just funny how the being heavy bit is public, therefore up for value judgement by all. Life is short, relationships with people IS the point - to accept, learn and grow.

The saddest thing to me about it is, the negative commenters might be a little chunky themselves. It's natural (not right) to fear the other, but to hate oneself is scary. Also, what about perfectly proportionate people, like a Yao Ming? He must weigh more because he's so tall???

And what is my compensation when I am stuck sitting next to that a**hole for 5 hours?

It is a very sad commentary on our world today and makes me triply grateful for growing up in the '40's and '50's. The world I knew then was so civil and we were taught daily to treat people with kindness and acceptance.
Thank you for bringing this out as so many people read you CAP....you have a way of generating thought that is so positve!

oh, allyson, *SNAP*!

What is even more horrifying is that it's still "acceptable" to make comments like that. Think if that person made a comment about someone of color having to pay more for their seat (or whatever). They would be publicly shamed SO FAST... when is it going to become politically incorrect to make horrible comments about overweight people?

I understand with smaller planes heavier loads decrease fuel efficiency and sometimes people need to be reshuffled to keep the plane balanced. But charge more on a huge commercial jet? It is already so unpleasant to sit in steerage, I mean economy, seats with inadequate leg, butt, and shoulder room as a tall overweight person but charge more? Hey, let's charge more for women with small bladders who have to climb over their seatmates a dozen times in a flight; kids who kick the back of the seat in front of them; and men who fall asleep and snore?

Excess checked luggage takes space that could be used for fee-producing shipments so I can see a charge for that. A fat person doesn't take up space that could be used for additional money and I find it hard to believe that large jets have such a delicate system that a single person with extra poundage is affecting it that much.

As for the hateful comment, wonder if that guy realizes that 'heavy' passengers will come in all shapes and levels of fitness (e.g., his favorite basketball player or an Olympic weightlifter or Michael Crichton whose like 6'7"). What a dork.

If the people who made rude remarks concerning overweight passenger had to live even one day with the pain and humiliation that obesity causes they would have a big awakening. I am facing major bariatric surgery to help combat a weight problem I have had since I was 12 years old that has affected every aspect of my life. I would rather be dead than face another 20 years being overweight. I can only hope that the self-rightous ugly people out there will come to understand all of this.

One of the most uncomfortable moments of my life was having to stand on the luggage scale with my carryon in Nadi,Fiji as the small plane I was flying on was very carefully loaded in terms of weight and all people and items boarding were weighed... for the record, that experience didn't motivate me to lose weight...

I have read some horrible things on the travel sites as well... As someone who has struggled with her weight- those comments still wound me - even though right now I am a 'normal' weight....

Humiliation is not an answer.

I have to wonder if the person making that comment was overweight themselves? Some of the nastiest things I've heard about someone overweight has come from the person themselves, which is even sadder to me.

Some people can only feel better about themselves by putting down others. You almost have to sympathize with how miserable their lives must be.

There is so much hateful stuff on the Internet. I made the mistake yesterday of reading comments to a news story about the death of the Arkansas DNC Chairman. I'm surprise people don't spontaneously combust from all that hatred.

It seems that some people think it is fair to comment a person's weight if it differes from theirs. I have a very thin friend that constantly has people walking up and asking him if he ever eats. How rude, and oh, that's none of your business.

The comment that got me was that being obese is a "choice." What about people like me (and I'm not very big at all) who are overweight because of a medical condition? People with thyroid problems have such a difficult time with weight, and there is little we can do about it.

If you think that's bad, you'll think this is unbelievable: Mississippi wants restaurants to deny obese people from dining. http://cooklikemad.com/2008/02/04/mississippi-bill-to-mandate-restaurants-to-deny-obese-people-food/

And what about pregnant women??? I'd like to see someone tell me that since I'm "big" I'll have to pay more for a seat. I can see the headline now. "Pregnant woman rips head off airline agent for extra "bun in oven - over weight limit" charge." Freakin' idiots!! Gah!

I do know there are some people who will say it to one's face. My ex once told me my ass was getting big - and I weight 98 pounds at the time. He prefered me at a skeletal 93 I guess; I got screamed at more than once for putting butter on bread or cream in my coffee.

His type is one reason so many women have eating disorders.

It is hard to wrap my mind around comments like that and believe that people really can be that mean.
My family is genetically slim and my children have experienced ridicule and meanness throughout school because of that. They are routinely asked in health classes if they are anorexic and are made an example of being unhealthly and skinny. Probably easy to do since they are always in good health and at school. This summer I received a letter at home from the school employee responsible for weighing all the kids that recommended I consider giving my 14 year old son a balanced diet since he was too skinny. Such wisdom - why did I never think about that in 17 years of parenting? Oh why can't we just move past this physical thing??

Wonder if these folk have ever even had a struggle with weight. Interesting, isn't it, how quick people are to decide that humiliation is the key to weight loss. Hey, if it were that simple, dressing room mirrors would have made me skinny ages long ago.

Sigh...

Some people are really something!!!!

Words cannot adequately describe how I feel about such ignorance. Like obesity is a choice??? Tell me how many gay people would "choose" to live a life rife with hateful people, prejudices and condemnation. If one were to put "fat" or "obese" into the same discriminatory rhetoric as "gay" or "black" or whatever else fits, one would see it's all the same. If anyone has experienced the looks of disgust or snickered comments aimed at the so-called "fat" person than one would have a decent understanding of what discrimination is in this society. It's disgusting in whatever form it takes and I pity the individual who made those comments. It's obvious such a person has little, if any, positive human contact.

Helena -- if humiliation were the answer then junior high GYMSUITS would have cured me!!!!!! LOL

Bad Hippie? I am laughing out loud. That is so funny. I sure would not want to be on the receiving end of the fall-out from a pregnant woman being told she would have to pay for two seats for the two people she was! Haahahahahahaha.

Actually, I think people should be assigned seats more based on diameter, as it were. as someone mentioned, Olympic athletes might be heavier, but they take up less space. My only issue with flying is having someone pressed up against me. pretty well the only flights I take are long haul. I simply can't stand having a stranger pressed up against me. Perhaps seats should be a bit wider now? I would pay for extra space. I am not a large person, but I barely fit int he space alloted. For the record, I am 5'2", 150-ish lbs. Yeah, I could lose a few pounds, but I do fit in the seat. Barely. A taller or wider person would be very uncomfortable, regardless of weight. Modern planes have the same dimensions, but roughly 20 extra people compated to older model planes. (I checked the stats) I think that our demand for cheap seats has done it to ourselves. If we were willing to pay a bit more, the seats could be reduced in number, allowing for more size....

I agree with liz R anonymity makes people braverer to spew hatefull & cruel comments that they would never say to anyones face. Margie is right on the mark as well. maybe the ariline could make a "bigot" section that you pay a special price to be seated in how fast would that fillup??

Carol,
I fly a lot and always try to buy or upgrade to business or first for that exact reason. There *is* the opportunity to pay more for a roomier seat -- in business or first class. While I understand that may be too spendy for many folks, if you truly don't like being close to a fellow passenger, business or first is the way to go, in my opinion.

I once had a man walk up to me in the grocery store, look at me in my (not too short) shorts and say "I've seen better legs on a chair" to my face. I stood there in shock, mouth agape. Was it because I'm fat? Who knows. Maybe he was off his medication. But oh... do I know of what you speak. I was told by a crush in high school, who was also a friend, "Geesh, look, guys don't go for the fat chick, ok?"

You know, it's weird... where my family comes from, Puerto Rico (and elsewhere in the Caribbean), people have no problem with big women. Culturally, there are whole scads of men who find plus size women to be amazingly attractive. I can say that the only times I've ever been given an obvious twice over from an appreciative man have been on the island, and twice by a guy from Jamaica. I've always felt pretty, regardless.

My husband loves me the way I am, but for a very long time I was tempted to move away from the states just so I could have a dating life.

Personal rant over.

Maybe this person was just trying to be funny, but in the end they end up looking like a horses arse. It is always much easier to point out what is wrong with others, yet never seeing their own faults and shortcomings. I am a firm believer in "what goes around, comes around", I've seen it in action too many times. This bafoon will get his/her due, in due time.

They need to make airline seats wider. On my last trip I was wedged between 2 normal sized men. We were all uncomfortable. The poor man on the aisle had his knees almost under his chin.

Kathy

Ouch.

I do not agree with that Poster's Methodology. . however, I must relay that I was seated between two Gentlemen on my most recent Flight from Las Vegas to Home. One of the Gentlemen was larger and crammed into a portion of my own Seat. When the other Gentleman noticed, he offered me the Armrest.

I acknowledge that there was little to be done, but I was uncomfortable for a while on the Plane. But, I also know that while on this Planet, it behooves us to be kind to others (in those Instances we can control) Therefore, I didn't complain or make evident my discomfort.

That said, there has to be a solution. I don't think that I should pay extra for a higher class seat just because someone is taking up part of the one I paid for. . .

one more thing:

Tina - I know how you feel. I didn't have a weight problem at all in high school, I was actually considered quite "hot" and held the attention of several guys at one time. Then I gained weight after I got married, and suddenly, I was a wall flower. Then I went on a diet and lost the weight, and the same men who would never take a second look before, were suddenly "interested". I got the impression, that it has nothing to do with my intelect, my intellegence, my talents. It's all about the butt and the boobs. I believe people are shallow, as a rule. Those of us who are not, are the exception. When I decided to stop allowing Hollywood to tell me what I should look like and what was considered "sexy", I became a much happier person.

While I in no way condone, or would I ever make comment on a person's weight or girth I do have a horror story. I am no skinny mini and I definitely need MY entire seat. On one 3 hour flight I was seated in a center seat of a full flight as a very overweight person got on, climbed into his seat next to the window, put up the arm rest and sat down taking his seat and a good half of mine. I was crushed against the arm rest on the other side with nowhere to go. Luckily, the lady on my other side felt very sorry for me and put up the arm rest so the 2 of us shared a seat and a half. This was very uncomfortable and only got worse as we got airborn and he pulled out his laptop and drove his elbow into my breast as he typed away. I ended up going to the back of the plane and standing with the flight attendants until I had to buckle my seat belt again.
So, I guess there is no easy answer. While I would hate for anyone to be humiliated by being asked to purchase 2 seats I feel very strongly that I should be entitled to the 1 seat that I did purchase.

I've been taunted in one way or another about my weight since I was a small child. People can be amazingly cruel and it's very, very difficult not to internalize those comments as being reflective of your self worth.

I boarded a plane one time for a business trip a little bit late. As I made my way down the aisle to my seat, I discovered that it was the middle seat between two women who were both about my size. Passengers in the vicinity seemed amused, wondering how we were going to possibly make this work. I just smiled and said, "Okay, ladies, let's put those armrest up and get to know each other!" People laughed, we got situated, and had a fairly pleasant flight -- at least as pleasant as you can get when you're 5'10 and there's leg room for someone 5'6".

By far, the most annoying people I've encountered on flights have been businessmen who bring out their laptop, spread their legs and their elbows and start working as though no one else is around. They aren't considerate at all. I've also had these types fall asleep while they're thus spread into the seat space around them and proceed to loll their heads onto my shoulder and snore. UGH!

Or how about the ones who get the window seat and then start squirming around, finally insisting that you get up to let them out so they can go to the bathroom -- before the plane has reached cruising altitude. I've had that happen multiple times, too, and having to get up while the seat belt sign is still on endangers my safety. Staying seated and making them wait, however, doesn't seem an option, either!

Finally, why is it that in some planes, I have enough room and the seat belt fits just fine, while in others the seats are cramped and I have to ask for a seatbelt extension? That's happened more than once and usually the plane with the smallest seat and belt combination is the biggest plane!

What the duffus who made that comment doesn't seem to consider is that in some cases, people have no control over their weight, such as with Cushings Disease. The world if full of self rightous self-entitled idiots.

Oh, Tami, you reminded me that I forgot to add one thing.

I've seen plenty of times when overweight men don't get nearly the scrutiny that overweight women do. Think about how many fat jokes you hear where a man is the object of the joke versus a woman. Think about John Goodman versus Rosanne Barr. How many times has John Goodman been called fat?

Of course, it could be worse. In Japan they've started levying fines if your waist size exceeds a certain point -- and the top point allowed is pretty darned small. You certainly don't have to be obese to be fined. Oy!

That comment you posted, Laurie? That's... that's... just unforgivable. But I'll be a good soul and do my best to forgive and pray they learn better.

Regarding seat size, I'd bet they make them smaller so they can fit more of them in the space allotted.

People who think that humiliating fat people into losing weight is a good idea absolutely disgust me. Humiliation CAN spur people into action, but it's by no means the healthiest way to bring about change. Speaking as someone who has been grossly overweight most of her life and is working on slowly changing that, I can honestly say that any time I've ever been humiliated like that, it has made me not want to lose weight but to find the nearest bridge and jump off. Maybe if people thought about the fact that saying things like that could potentially trigger really terrible reactions in the people they're saying them about, they might STFU and let us fat people live our lives.

I've spent a lot of time reading Kate Harding's Shapely Prose the last month, and some of the airline stories are hair-raising. And yeah, this kind of ugly hatred gets spewed all the time. The joke is that you have to allocate "Sanity Watchers" points to read them. Once you've used up all your points, it's time to take a break before you start slitting wrists -- either yours or the hate-mongers'. :-p

I'm fat. I will always be fat. I eat well and practice Bikram yoga twice a week, so I'm quite cardio-healthy, have low BP, etc. If it weren't for the stress of my culture's conviction that I don't have a right to take up the space that I do, I'd be healthier still -- and darn sure happier. Fortunately, I'm getting better at tuning out the assholery.

To Melissa-- Just yesterday I realized that I have no idea how I want to look at my fittest, since there are no pictures in the media of women who are fit with the size/shape I have. There aren't a lot of pictures in magazines of busty ladies who are fit, healthy, athletic ... and fit in the size 10 range. So it dawned on me that the reason I can't picture myself "there" is because I never see pictures of it ANYWHERE.

It's either thin or extra thin in magazines, fashion, TV, and movies, which is fine and works for women who want to know what clothes would look great on them (or wonder what their options are) if they are also slim or very slim. And tall, usually. But what about the visual options for the rest of us? I don't ever intend to be skinny, but I would like to see some examples of what fit and toned women in a size 10 look like in the media. Doesn't seem to exist!

kateharding.net has some interesting posts on this subject if anyone's interested

Laurie, the size 10 gals in print mags are the plus-size models! (okay, usually they're size 12ish, but that's as close as you can get)

Sad, ain't it?

We are fatter. And taller. And airline seats are probably still being sized for people from the 1930's.

I remember when people complained about the size of the seats on the Japanese-made Green Line cars on the T as not being big enough for "robust" American asses. While I abhor that fat people seem to be (one of) the last groups it's acceptable to mock I have to admit that it's not fair either for people to not have the full use of the seat they paid for on a plane. I don't have a good answer for that one as buying 2 seats or upgrading to business class isn't always an option.

Laurie! Are you saying that PEOPLE (as in more than one) made that comment to you on your book tour?!! Are they out of their freakin' minds?? You look fabulous, are so, so very funny and entertaining. Next time, bring out the big bag and give 'em a slug. They deserve it. What the hell goes through their heads?

I didn't get to read through ALL the comments, as there were so many! But I think that a great lesson in all of this is that we can ALL be judgmental at times. Maybe not as crudely as the person on that website, but I am sure that most of us still do it. Judging the really slow cashier, the guy who cut us off to get to the exit on the highway, the parents of the kids running around the restaurant... At some point in time, every single one of us is the one being judged, and maybe we can take a moment to remember how that feels when we are the ones doing the judging.

I am a size 10 too. I have also found the a good number of women are my size too. I have a hard time finding pants in my size. My good friend is hevier than I am but she is very attractive and sexy.

so what if some one finds me over weight I'm happy with ME!! and I am comfortable with who I am and if you don't like me for me you can kiss my butt. this doesn't mean that I can't stand to loose my "muffin top" that I have.

I see where you are coming from, but, really, a trip to your local Wal-Mart can make you feel pretty good about yourself. I like to call it "Therapy by Comparison".

Sue F -- I totally agree with you and I guess I see that this is an issue when traveling but I (maybe naively) was shocked at the total hate and venom in some of those comments posted at SmarterTravel. It made me wonder why we (and I include myself there too) often look at challenges with a big ol' attitude, being hateful when it doesn't help to be nasty. There is so much anger at heavy folks, I have never understood the total RAGE at someone else's size, even when they aren't sitting near you at all!

Personally, though no one asked me (ha) I think the answer is to stop nickel and dime-ing airline passengers and charge clients what it actually costs to fly from point A to point B in a dignified manner in a comfortable seat. That may mean all people pay $65-$100 more per flight for legroom and a cold drink, but I bet most people would prefer that to all this nasty discourse. But then again I don't know anything about running an airline, I'm just an avid passenger.

To Alli -- yes, I must have heard it 20 times in one night if I heard it once. It got funny after a while.... and a lot of wine.

And for what it's worth - I am 5'11" tall and weigh 160 - I am about a size 8. So I am not overweight by ANY means, yet I still want to lose about 15 pounds. And I can I TELL you how impossible that seems to be? So even for people who are overweight due simply to eating and not due to any kind of condition - I can't imagine trying to fight that battle. I can't keep enough food out of my mouth to get rid of a measly 15 pounds, so I give a HUGE congrats to anyone who is able to lose significant weight.
ALSO - planes are not roomy, even for us skinny folk. And being tall, I always have issues with the leg room. The solution is that the airlines need to stop treating people like cargo, even if that is ultimately how the see us. Americans may be larger on average than other people, but the reality is that - we are larger! It is what it is, and the airlines need to adjust the size of their seats - not just the size of our fares.
Hope I wasn't too judgy. :)

Laura, that is what I was trying to say, also but you said it better. I wish the airlines would make this a non-issue by simply sizing the seats to a comfortable width. If it means removing ten seats from a plane at $400/ticket that is $4000 extra cost to divide up among the remaining 40 seats, so that comes out to what? $100 more a ticket for a roomier seat? Honestly I would pay that for a decent seat ... upgrading to business or first is already more expensive than that!

I just flew to Chicago a few days ago. Two seats ahead of me was a man who was reading a Playboy magazine the whole flight. Centerfolds and all. Nobody said anything. How is this better than getting stuck beside somebody who wears larger than a size 10?

It just takes hearing sweet old Grandpa referring to "colored folk" or my own mom (a pretty good person in many ways) saying that fatness is a sign of of self-indulgence for me to realize that even the nicest people can be really, really cruel.

And I got a hard lesson myself the other day. I sent a sarcastic response to an e-mail from a friend and she was hurt and upset with me. When I looked over my words, I realized that they could be taken as quite mean. (And I am extremely non-confrontational, "let's not hurt anybody" in my beliefs.)

I don't think that being a basically nice person excuses narrow-mindedness or ignorance or meanness at all. Not one little bit. In fact, I find it troubling. It isn't "us or them," meaning the Good Guys and the Bad Guys. The finger points at myself.

Hm. I fly in less than 8 weeks and I am terrified. I a size 22 and am afraid of being humiliated on the plane. Also, it doesn't stop at planes. A woman knocked into me at a store and my purse fell off my arm. I shot her a look b/c I was annoyed and she had been buzzin' around me for a bit beforehand. She said "if you weren't so fat, i wouldn't have had to bump into you!" I was shocked. She then proceeded to taunt me saying "oooh... is the fat girl going to cry now? c'mon... cry fat girl!" I was mortified. And I was shocked that a grown adult could do that to another grown adult. I was present for her interview at my company the following day. She did not get the job.

Mean people stink, no matter how fat or skinny. The worst taunts I got in high school over my weight were the fat guys. Go figure.

Kate, I am just upset FOR you reading that! That plain old SUCKS.

I really think that some people should think before they speak or type. There are ways of getting your point across without being mean or rude.

This is a case of transferring the problem. If airlines can get skinny and fat passengers mad at each other, maybe everyone will ignore the real problem -- which is that the seats (and leg room) on most airlines are way too small.

JetBlue is popular for a reason, you know.

LOL at the handbasket comments! I love that expression, too.

I even named my blog after it. Speaking of which, does anyone have advice on how to keep blogging when you feel shy? I'm just saying. . .

Thanks in advance.

This person's enlightened attitude reminds me of the old retort: Hey, I can lose weight, you will probably always have that personality." Why doesn't social Darwinism work faster? Like so we can see it?

People are weird. Even at work sometimes I am amazed at the nasty tone of some of the emails I get -- and this is in a place where people generally aren't so bad. I read emails like that and wonder who brought up the sender, who taught them it was OK to speak like that to another human, especially in writing!

I often just wish email had never been invented. Also, I sometimes wish I lived in a bubble. A nice bubble with no intrusions and lots of wine.

OK folks, I have had "Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket?" on the sidebar of this site since December of 2004!!!! Does this mean no one ever sees the sidebar? Is it just invisible? Lordy. Do not tell that to my advertisers.....

First off I grew up with most of the women in my family being as wide as they were tall. It was not about lazy or nutrition they were the most hardworking women I ever meet and they ate the same portions as me at 4'11" and less than 100lbs. People come in all shapes and sizes and I have always been saddened when someone tried to be something they weren't or harassed someone for the way they looked (be it weight or skin color). That said I cannot tolerate stupid people. I think it would be fine to charge stupid people more for seats (they wouldn't notice anyway) and knowing they were charged more would make it easier to sit next to someone rambling on about the peanut packages getting smaller or some such nonsense ;-)

As an aside the bbc news had an article on your favorite booky entertainment.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/7516672.stm

Amen! I totally agree with you!

I don't ever recall being crowded out of my airline seat by a visibly overweight person, but I have sure had a number of men encroach upon my space.
I think if anyone touched the armrest, I would slam it right back down! There are limits, people.
Otherwise, I guess it's oopsie with the hot coffee.

I have to think the person who left that comment is very naive, rude, and lacking in general experience in life. 'Let's humiliate fat people some more, because humiliation is such a great motivator, and it's obviously worked wonderfully so far!' They haven't thought it out at all. Obese folks are usually quite familiar with humiliation, and if that were all it took to please the rest of the world, this would be a non-issue. But weight loss is much more complex.

As you've suggested, a person who says things like that most likely has a prejudice attitude already. If it's not the fat person, it's the gay or the African-American or the other-person-who's-not-like-me. Shame on them. I kind of pity that kind of perspective. Can you imagine going through life that dim-witted and opinionated?

I had a guy ON A FIRST DATE ask me how I fit my ass through the front door of my house because "it's as big as a truck". That was only one of the horrible things he said to my face about my weight before I walked out of the date and went to try and squeeze my truck sized ass through my front door. Needless to say, there was no second date even though he called me the next day to ask me out again. WTH dude? You obviously were not attracted to me.

But I've been dating the most wonderful man on earth for the past 2 years. I bet that guy who was so mean to me is still single and very lonely.

Also, on three occasions, I've had people say stuff to me like "are you having a boy or a girl?". I respond "I'm not having anything, I'm just fat" and they normally run off humiliated. After I stop crying I tell myself that if I look pregnant instead of just fat I should feel better. But it doesn't make me feel better.

People do not need the internet to hide behind to be cruel to people. They are quite able to say horrible things right to people's faces.

Laurie:

LOVE the idea of bubble-life for protection from all the weirdos out there, but in addition to the wine I'd vote for my two cats to join me.

I'm a firm believer in Karma, and the longer I live (and that's been a while!), the more I've seen evidence of Instant Karma comin' back to haunt the offenders of this world. So let's all sit back & wait for it to come crashing in on those cruel & mean idiots out there who think nothing of berating or taunting people who have issues, whatever they are. I'll bring the wine - it will be entertaining.

As for the rudeness of the commenters on the travel site (and they were horrible!), my own theory is that today there is a definite lack of civility, an almost total absence of manners in so many younger generational types, and certainly no societal shame to come crashing down on people like that who exemplify the worst traits of humanity. Perhaps it's the evolutionary outcome of the 60's mantra "If It Feels Good, Do It", but perversified to leave out the unspoken part of that phrase - "But Do No Harm" to yourself or others. These types are so narcisistically self-absorbed they don't realize they share the planet with about 6.5 billion others who are no less important than they. But I guess as long as they get their video on U-Tube and their 15 minutes worth of fame, they don't care what they do or say, or who they hurt in the process. Perhaps reality shows aren't helping, either, where people are expected to be mean and back-stabby just to stay in the race and win the prize. But at what cost to the soul?

Life is all about choices, and there is always a higher choice that can be made. If more people thought that way, and operated from a place of kindness & love, wouldn't this planet be a fantastic place to live?

For quite a while, I refused to blog because the comments that were posted after AOL stories were so darn mean. I just figured it was all that way. I do think that people act like total idiots when they think they are being anonymous. But, it's a sad world that acts like that.

I was just at a wedding and my ignorant brother-in-law made the statement we would be in better shape if Hitler lived. Needless to say, a dozen people stood up and started yelling at him. Of course, he waited to say it till he was leaving the room.

I fly a lot for business, or used to, and I can't expense an upgrade if I have to pay for it. I don't think that's an option for many folks. Because company policy dictates taking the cheapest possible flight (usually Southwest) it's not possible to build enough loyalty points to upgrade automatically, even on an airline with a business class.

I'm not petite myself, so it IS an imposition when someone's mass oozes into my seat space. But it also happens with the shoulder space when I'm next to super-muscular guys. Strangely, no one's making nasty comments about the body builders.

I hate air travel so much now I never, ever do it unless it's for business, and I mean really required, or for a family event like a wedding. We have vacationed within a two hour drive of home for the last three years because of how I feel about air travel.

So when the airlines moan and groan that they are hurting, I wonder if they know just how many passengers they have lost because it's so damned uncomfortable to fly??

Make the seats bigger, dudes. DUH!

Of course it's incredibly rude. Having said that, however, I spent a 6-hour flight squashed into a standard airline seat next to a gentleman who was so big that his belly TOUCHED the seat in front and he "spilled" over into half of my seat. I would guess he weighed about 400 pounds. The AC on the plane wasn't working so well, and he was sweating profusely, so I spent 6 hours in half a seat with one side of my body pressed up against a sweaty stranger (our clothes were wet and stuck together!) and the other side of my body bruised from the inflexible armrest on the other side (it didn't go up). Neither of us could eat as our tray tables wouldn't go down. The plane was completely full - there were no other seats for me to move to - and it wasn't as though I could do anything about the situation (unlike a child kicking the seat, in which case i would have said something). The whole thing was horribly embarrassing for both of us, and I really wished the airline had (somehow) made said gentleman purchase two seats.

I am very overweight and I can indeed believe that some jerk would say something like that. My reaction? It's what I've said to people who are rude to my face in the past "Buzz off, buddy! When you live my life in my skin, then you can comment on my size. Meanwhile, you are an ignorant jerk who doesn't deserve any consideration from me or anyone else."
I then turn around wishing I had the nerve to tell them to fu)& themselves and wish out loud for their slow painful deaths, but knowing that would just lower me to their level. I walk to the nearest ladies room, lock myself into a stall and cry.

Yeah, I'm a real actress - the bastards have hurt me again and again but until I can lock myself away for months, with groceries delivered, exercise equipment that won't kill my knees and someone else cooking, this is the way I am and will be. I've gotten myself just about out of debt, I have a nice job, good friends and LOTS of yarn.

I had this reaction two days ago.

I was driving home from taking my SO to the airport. On a road that I drive on, every day, I saw a guy commit suicide. He jumped from a bridge.

A couple of days later, while looking up more info on him (if they ID'ed him, etc) I was reading the comments. They were.. horrific. "Splat!" "Well, drug users do that" "Was he black?" Etc. They did not know this man, know his family, or why he did this. They don't know what it was like to see this man take his life, to see him laying in the middle of the road in a position no human being should EVER be in.

I've been Xanaxed up the past few days, and I'm slowly trying to regain my faith in humanity. That's not going to well, though.

As a fat person, I have to say that having to publicly weigh myself at the airport in order to fly would finally makes me lose weight and become a thin person. I've always enjoyed so much love and acceptance for my body size (you know how everybody LOVES us fat people), it never occurred to me how rude it is to go around being fat at everyone!

Seriously though- I flew overseas a few times when I was kid back in the 1970's and I swear the seats were bigger back then or maybe they had more legroom- or both. My dad is tall and never seemed terribly squashed and my mom was very fat and had no problem fitting in her seat, nor did anyone give her a hard time about it. I think the airlines made seats smaller to squash more people in and make more money and are now foisting the the blame for everyone's discomfort onto the customers.

Sarah! I'm so sorry you witnessed that.

I saw a woman jump from the Bay Bridge earlier this summer, called 911 and it was BUSY (because everyone was calling I guess) and when I finally got through, they said they already knew about it. So I know I didn't imagine it.

However, when I looked for it in the news, there was nothing. Some people have mentioned that the news doesn't like to publish suicides. ??

I can't believe anyone would say anything negative about someone who has reached that point in their lives. I will always be haunted by the image of this woman. Laurie's right about people who make nasty comments - it has more to do with themselves than whomever they are commenting to or about.

Laurie,

Regarding the photographic vs real life comments: I think you just happen to be one of those people with a cute round face. We just don't know how to judge the weight properly of someone without the angular facial planes of most models - which I hear often look quite odd in person, since that's what looks good in 2d media, but not often in 3d.

You'll notice there aren't many actresses with round faces, and the ones that are often look almost anorexic.

Sarah, my Lord, I am so sorry. And to everyone sharing their stories -- I kiss you! (That will only make sense if you remember the internet "I Kiss You" stuff from a while back LOL)

But Sarah -- exactly to your point of the horrid comments people made on the suicide story -- I do believe in my heart of hearts that one day news outlets will wise up and close comments on news stories. I think it is completely insane that comments are available on news stories. It makes the "news" seem more like gossip than information, it's a trend I don't like and I fervently hope it will go away. SOON!

Comments are a weird business. For example, I once posted a column about how I like carrying my own bags to the store and have managed to cut back on my plastic bag usage by about 90% (or so.)

In the comments one reader said she wanted to use less plastic but for her, she was concerned because if she cut back on plastic bags she wondered how she would dispose of kitty pan clumps.

Now keep in mind, *I* don't have that problem. I have plenty of bags coming into my house and even though I have cut down by 90% that still leaves plenty of bags to dispose of poo, there are the 10% of bags I manage to bring in despite my envirosax, plus veggie bags, old ziplocs past their prime, paper bags that the wine got wrapped in (then put inside my envirosax), bread bags, etc. etc. So I do not share that commenter's concerns.

But nice other commenters started answering the one lady's comment. And the rest of the comments turned into "here are ways to dispose of poo..." along with some ideas, commentary, etc.

But before long I was receiving like 25 emails a day from people giving ME advice on my "kitty poo plastic bag problem." Even though I don't have a problem! It was a commenter's issue, I never asked for advice in that area because it's nothing I worry about.

You see what I mean? Before long people cannot separate a comment from original post. The thread of conversation becomes fused in the reader's mind with the post or story or whatever. I imagine it must be the same way with news stories, which (in my opinion) does a disservice to all readers.

I preferred the old method of having news/columns/diaries be stand-alone, not iterative, and having separate message boards where people can socialize and swap stories and so on. Not to say I don't enjoy reading what people say here (I do! You all are way more interesting than I am) but sometimes it's odd to see people think I am the same as the comments (another reason why I vigilantly delete mean/useless/nasty posts). I imagine it's just as hard for some -- after a while -- to discern what is the news of a story and what is the conversation of the story.

That depresses me.

Sometimes less is more, especially when it comes to opinions. Not mine, of course! Especailly those who don't agree with me! ;0)

I try not to read comments on news stories on the internet. My blood pressure would be too high if I did. I'm sorry that people hurt your feelings, Laurie. What ever happened to "if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say it at all?"

Well, she said, stuffing a fun-size snickers into her bow-shaped mouth, everybody has something. Fat just shows. Even after it is gone. I used to weigh 300 lbs, now weigh 200, but can't always wear the T-shirt that says, "You should have seen me before--SHUTUP!"
If it were simply a matter of discipline or desire, believe me I would be 90 lbs. I ain't. Do you think we are just, I don't know, MEANT TO BE DIFFERENT??

In a way I see obesity as a weakness (unless people have a medical condition)...It is usually the result of an addiction, or lack of exercise. Before I offend anyone..I just want to say that it is a weakness no different to cigarette smoking, drinking, gambling, gym-junkies...The list goes on. The thing is though... while drinkers, and gamblers can hide their addiction, overweight people can't. So they become targets. The only reason people make fun of other people is to make themselves feel better. No other reason. And the only reason people need to make themselves feel better is because they are insecure about something. If everyone with an addiction, a weakness, an insecurity, a problem, an illness, could wear it on the outside like people with obesity...then I think every single one of us would have to show something. No one is perfect.

Until recently my job had me traveling about 300 days a year. I love the work, & people. I love seeing new places. But I hate hate hate to fly. I hate airports, airplanes - all of it. It seems the whole process is designed to be as stressful as possible. On a good day, personal space is a pretty important issue with me - under stress, it reaches an obsessive level. So *anyone* sitting next to me on a plane that tries to encroach on my space (the boundaries of which are the armrests and the corresponding legroom) drives me almost to the point of rudeness. (I say almost, I NEVER say or do anything rude, but I probably grimace a lot.) I never discriminate based on their reason for encroachment - they are all equal.

It seems to me that airlines, if they want to stay viable, need to recognize that they create a very stressful environment and stop trying to make money by packing us in. Make the damn seats wider! And, by the way, the seat cushions a bit softer please! There are a lot of flights when I think my tailbone won't survive.

As to the weight issue, I have to say I cannot comment. I have never really had a weight issue and I cannot begin to understand the frustration and pain it can cause. I try to judge everyone by their personality and their intelligence and pray that I succeed more often than I fail.

I come from a family where "Big" is the order of the day for this generation. Not just overweight, but baby, you could boil me down to the skeleton and I'd STILL weigh more than some of my 98 lbs soaking wet buddies.
I've fought my weight for years, and lost that fight to the tune of 40 pounds at some points where a chronic disease forced me on cortisone to merely stay alive. And I agree with the person awaiting bariatric above-- being overweight is painful and vulnerable and something that people in American feel free to be downright nasty about.

BUT- I'm a nurse and I see the mental and physical torture that obesity puts children and adults through everyday, so I feel uneasy about just shrugging and adjusting everything to accommodate a health problem that should be fought and solved, not made easier for everyone to just live with.
Instead of changing our airplane seats and other infrastructure, we should instead be focusing on changing the things that are causing so much pain for so many people.
At this point in history, food is cheap, and it is a drug that a lot of us (me included) use to numb emotional pain. We are also encouraged to eat over-processed, over-sized portions of food through advertising that bombards us nearly every waking moment. Add to this "brainwashing" the fact that these processed foods CONTAIN substances that STIMULATE appetite, and well, it's an uphill battle.
Really. At my university, we fed the rats in the obesity research lab water laced with MSG to make them eat more and get fat (and here you thought it only made things taste better) and some researchers are beginning to suspect that Aspartame (Nutrasweet) breaks down into formaldehyde as part of it's journey through the digestion (it's a common knowledge among our med students that they're all ravenous after dissecting in the anatomy lab, not because they're latent zombies, but because they've been inhaling the formaldehyde fumes). Add the pernicious blood-sugar spiking and appetite inducing high-fructose corn syrup to the mix, along with our sedentary lifestyles and it's no WONDER that we've got an obesity epidemic on our hands. Everyone with the slightest genetic inclination to overeat or have blood sugar issues is getting bombarded with triggers left and right. It's like lacing the local drinking water with gin and then acting amazed that the Betty Ford clinic is packed with whole families of alcoholics!
We need to bring back P.E. and Home ec classes in the schools to teach people how to cook healthy meals at home and enjoy moving again. We need to BAN marketing sugar-laden treats disguised as "balanced breakfasts" to our kids and outlaw additives like corn syrup, MSG and aspartame.
It's not as attention-grabbing and profitable as stomach stapling or Nutra-slim, but it would work.

You know, that person sounds a lot like my mom. I hate to admit it, but sometimes she says the most embarrassing things. It's an esteem thing though. She used to be anorexic, and still has times when she'll work out almost compulsively. Saying mean things about people who are overweight, doesn't make her any skinnier, and I try to point that out to her. But with some people, being "fat" is their worst fear, and they don't understand people who don't feel that way or people who can love themselves and their bodies unconditionally.

I wish everyone could just be more empathetic towards each other. And while most people are ignorant jack-asses that post on news threads, the comments are helpful when the article is complete bullshit without straight facts.

I travel for business via plane several times a week. I'm a size 12 now, so pretty much average. I used to weigh 300lbs, so I know both sides of the story. However, I am a hard-ass when it comes to flying. NO ONE gets to sit in my seat but me. That means no spilling over the seats and the arm rest stays down (that's a safety issue BTW and most airlines use that -- the ability to keep the armrest down as a way to guage if a second seat purchase is warranted). I feel very strongly about this. I am allocated 1 seat, not half a seat. This does not have anything to do with discrimination against heavy people and the airlines SHOULD make the seats wider (don't hold your breath!). So, for all the talk about being more sensitive to other people--that has to cut both ways: if you know that you are too big to fit into one seat, then do the right thing and buy 2 seats.

Some people are just mean.
It is terrible that people can only feel good about themselves by putting others down.
I truly don't understand a world where people would come out to see you at a book "do" and then insult you.
What ever happened to the golden rule - do unto others as you would have them do unto you-
I think there are a lot of people out there with so much self-hate that they take it out on others.
If they hate themselves, they sure as heck don't feel very positive about the rest of us.
My adult daughter says just pray about it and don't let peoples' meanness change the way you care about others.
Yes, I am a rather large person, and that is why I don't go out very much any more.
Hang in there, Laurie, you make our days a lot brighter.

I almost never comment, and now here is number 3 today - sorry!
BUT - One thing that makes me feel better about these horrific comment-junkies is that I do not personally know a SINGLE person who would ever write a comment like that. And I bet most of you don't either.
When people say hideous things, just remember what an absolutely miserable frame of mind they must be in, to say such hateful hurtful things. I would rather be kind and hurt than unkind and hurtful. (Of course kind and unhurt is still the best option!!).

To a commenter farther up - yes, people DO make comments face 2 face - almost always always youngish males who seem personally indignant that you are not torturing yourself to make yourself into the dominant culture's sex object. These are the same people who make nasty "jokes" about the elderly and who harass or actually bash gay people. Most folks however, only think their bigoted beliefs at others this way and make their snide comments during surveys or over beer with their buddies.

Must admit that, as someone who regularly flies round the world, I often envy the 5' tall 90 pounders who can sit cross-legged in a coach seat. At 6'1", even at my thinnest (and I am no longer even close to my thinnest) sitting in one of those seats hurt because my knees are jammed against the seat in front of me. If airlines start charging by the kilo, they are going to see soooo many lawsuits based on everything from gender to genetics and ethnicity to discrimination against pregnant women!

This is simply horrid -- and some of the negative comments on the link you gave are not much better!

I also grit my teeth to think of the 42 changes of clothes ... and the 20 pounds of hair supplies and cosmetics ... that 105-pound hottie is bringing along on her trip.

An idea I had when this whole issue first came up was: passenger and luggage get weighed together at the airport (discreetly). The first 250 pounds goes by the standard fare -- whatever you paid for the ticket -- then a modest per-pound fee for each pound above that. This would account for extra-large passengers as well as extra-heavy luggage and would be fair to everyone.

It would also save embarrassment and take airline staff out of the uncomfortable position of deciding, arbitrarily, who is "obese."

i had a weight/airline issue this week. my boss is a large man...close to 350. when i bought his airline seat he didn't mention he needs two seats. i bought him one on a sold out plane....middle seat.

i think i set him up for failure, unintentionally. when i booked the flight i didn't take his weight into consideration. in my mind, he's one man on a business trip, not fat, thin, black, or white. just a guy traveling, trying to get through the work week.

(((hugs))) to kate, and all those who have shared their stories.

mck.

I suspect folks say nasty things about overweight folks b/c they believe the overweight folks could change if they wanted it bad enough (e.g. lifestyle, eating habits).

Perhaps the disdain is there b/c of what it (being overweight) represents in our culture, for better or for worse?

The whole larger seats thing... I once heard (isn't my memory a good source?) that airlines felt they couldn't change the seat size. If they did, they'd have to phase it in with each new plane, and then patrons would complain if they were on the 'old' style planes, since it is clearly unfair to be squished when someone else is flying in the 'new' style! Because 'fair' means 'the same', right?

So instead they keep it even and uncomfortable for most. (I find the leg room issue most problematic.)

OK - this is a "comment first & read the rest later" moment. Here's a fancy: in the Renaissance, "buxom" and "stout" and "robust" were words describing the standards of highest beauty. Incidentally, food was at a premium and most people didn't have enough. NOW, when we're blessed with fresh and abundant food year-round, the standards of beauty have wasted away to nothing. How's that for irony? Also - where some obesity is life-threatening, there are PLENTY of people who are as fit as an Olympian, but "plus-sized". I assisted with communication for a 500-mile bike tour last year (I was DRIVING, believe me when I tell you - I don't think I could bike 500 miles unless there was a mightyfine BBQ Rib Dinner and $25K at the conclusion (there wasn't). But I saw MANY "generously-padded" folks who rode the full distance without breaking a sweat, so to speak. You know, I also believe that "what you cast forth is what you will reap". Wonder how that person's going to react when someone says the same sort of thing about him (her?). I will now resume reading all my co-readers' comments.

It is unbelievable to me that anyone could think such horrible thoughts--much less say 'em out loud. My sister has been obese most of her life and I got to see first-hand the effect that idiotic comments had on her. Several years ago she had "that stomach stapling" surgery and now she is a size 6 or 8. One of the guys that she had a BIG crush on in high school (until he made a joke about her weight) recently called to ask her out on a date. I was so proud of her when she told him that she "doesn't date balding men!"--I know that is REALLY mean--but this guy had it coming...

I've also read that the airlines charging people by weight would make zero difference in their profits. The weight of all the passengers and their luggage combined is a fraction of the weight of the airplane itself.

ok now i know how people post blank comments...

i am totally against meanness. anyone who has ever watched discovery health or TLC documentaries or read blogs can see that being obese or even overweight is HARD. you feel bad about yourself, you compare yourself, think people are thinking about you... i have never been clinically obese but i had a mother who told me not to eat the ice cream, i was pushing maximum density and no man would love me if i was heavy (not in so many words but isn't it amazing what "take it easy on that ice cream" can mean?)

i can see the airline thing from the point of being sat on (literally, on the subway too, and not accidentally) and from the point of view of the shame and uncomfortableness of the other person. let me be honest, i don't like being sat on. not even the edge of my leg. it is not comfortable. for me or the other person. but there's no need for nastiness.

i was on a flight last year and an obese girl was next to me. she didn't fit in the seat. i felt horrible for her because she was obviously mortified and uncomfortable. she had half herself on the arm and she had to ask for a seatbelt extender (they should just put those somewhere obvious with a get it if you need it policy.) so i offered to put up the armrest between us. she said no thanks, but i could tell she relaxed a little, knowing i wasn't pissed or judging. i can't think of anything more awful than having to sit next to someone who is obviously judging and bitter.

being obese is hard enough without having to deal with everyone else's issues. but i do think that accomodations should be made for everyone- have a few extra wide seats on every plane reserved for people who need them. non-obese people also paid for their ticket and also should be comfortable.

more importantly our country is in the middle of the health crisis of obesity. and we need to deal with it. so instead of being part of the problem, be part of the solution. let's get fast food places out of school, airports and terminals. let's educate the people and put gym back in the public schools. where i live, only 6 (and occasionally 5) people can fit on a 7 person long subway seat, and i think that says it all.

peace to everyone.

"always figured (being a heavier person) that eating too much food for one's caloric needs, (because that is what I do not speaking for all) has a very public result."

The irony is that the Standard American Diet (SAD) promotes such obesity. In essence what we are saying is here, have some super size fries, and we'll make fun of you when you are "fat."

Unfortunately, a lot of people who make those nasty comments aren't suffering the way you'd think someone would have to be in order to be that vile. The only thing they're suffering from is an unwarranted sense of superiority.

Laurie, don't fret - virtually the first thing I noticed, and what got me hooked, was "Where are we going, Aunt Purl? And why am I in this handbasket?" I miss the kitty in the basket!

In some areas of air travel it is common to be weighed before commencing your journey. I work offshore in the oil and gas industry in the North Sea (off the UK coast) as a Health & Well-being Consultant. I fly offshore to various oil and gas installations (platforms and rigs - there is a difference between them) anywhere between once to 4 times per month. The majority of the helicopters I fly on seat a maximum of 19 passengers and it can be a very tight squeeze. Some of these guys are not small!

When we check-in for flights at Aberdeen (or any of the other heliports) our bags are weighed and we are all weighed individually at the same time. This enables the pilot to work his exact fuel requirements taking into account weather conditions, flying distance and the combined weight (payload) of the passengers, baggage and any freight on the flight. You will find very few offshore workers complaining about having to be weighed as this is standard procedure for them. We are also weighed for a fixed wing flight we take to Shetland as the plane has a limited payload due to the length of runway and type of plane used. I don't really fancy whizzing off the end of the runway just because we can't brake in time because there are too many big guys on the flight.

The offshore oil and gas industry also has a weight limit in force (BMI = 35)to assist in maintaining a healthy (ish) workforce and as a basic safety issue. If you're too overweight then you won't be able to escape out of the helicopter windows if it has to ditch in an emergency! I'd rather see people weigh a bit less (and we're not talking skinny but a level that keeps chronic health conditions at bay so that someone has a good quality of life and doesn't have to struggle and see their life expectancy dip!) and use less resources when flying. Plane weighs less = less fuel use per flight = able to keep flying/travelling for more years until they figure out an alternative fuel resource that doesn't deplete the environment quite so chronically.

Yep, some people think the meaner they are to another human, the more that person will be motivated to change. Stupid, since it has yet to work.

Big people have enough to deal with I'm pretty damn sure they don't need to deal with a petty attitude too.

Kate, how terrible for you to have that experience. :-p

BUT, how lovely on the (nearly) instant karma when you were on the interview panel for that woman.

Phyllis

I will willingly pay more for my ass if they make a special section of the plain for arrogant assholes. Let them deal with eachother, I want no part.

I have a gift for you today, Laurie and all you other nice folks.

When someone makes a comment like the ones about your pictures, Laurie, or about anyone else's size, weight, etc., you can respond by looking them straight in the eye and saying:

"What on earth makes you think that's an appropriate thing to say?"

The ones who meant well will stutter and fall back a little, abashed. The mean and spiteful ones may whip out, "Because it's true!"

In which case, you answer calmly, "Well, it's also true that you are a mean and spiteful person, but you don't catch me shouting it to the rafters. What made you think it was appropriate, though?"

At this point, most people should be slinking off. If the nasty ones repeat it, just shake your head sadly, tsk-tsking a little, repeating, "Mean and spiteful, just like I thought. What a pity."

And don't feel one bit bad about it, either. You may spare some other hapless soul from a bout of unwarranted spite. And for the people who just weren't thinking, it may give them something to think about before they speak, next time. Which is good, because maybe they won't fail out on a job interview. Right, Kate?

Kate, I so wish I had been there with a camera when that nasty woman walked into her interview and saw you sitting there. One of life's more priceless moments.

People make the most bizarre comments --- I don't think they even really know what they are saying. I am 5'4'' and for quite a few years weighed 167 lbs which is about a 12/14. Now I weigh 130 lbs which is a size 6. I had no control over gaining all the weight and I have no control over losing the weight -- it's all due to health and medication. It absolutely drives me crazy to have people make stupid comments. The newest one is "Wow, I would love to lose weight like you" and I want to say "No, you wouldn't if you were losing 1/2 lb a week for no other reason than your health was total crap and you didn't know how to stop the weight loss."

Jeez people are insensitive.

I'm a plus-sized person currently living at a gym, but I'll never be more than muscely compact. Too Polish-American and built to pull a plow. Anyway, I was recently diagnosed with insulin-resistance and severe sleep apnea, as my weight had ballooned out of control.

Weight discrimination is rampant, but if I were to have it actively thrown in my face with such cruelty then I'd probably have to be restrained from "setting phasers on kill."

Seriously, life is too short and too hard for this kind of bigotry.

It's a NOTB (North Of The Border) thing. When I lived in Mexico, I weighed 150 lbs. (I'm 5'6") and my Mexican boyfriend was always telling me I was too skinny. God, I loved that man! :)

I don't buy magazines anymore because no one in them looks like me. We are obsessed with celebrities and their scalpel-induced good looks. Until we stop that, nothing will change.

When I was several pounds heavier (carried mostly in my hips) I was on a plane sitting next to one of those very thin blonde "click clackety" type women, you know they click when they walk on their tiny little heels, they click clack when they talk and touch tables or glasses with their perfectly manicureed fake nails...I know I am being mean about her and not all thin blonde women who are well groomed are bitches, but this one was definately a bitch. I was stuffed into the seat but by no means was I spilling over into hers, yet she looked at me disgustedly and went to the flight attendant and asked to be moved. They upgraded her to first class and as she came back to gather her stuff to move she whispered, "im moving to first class, now you will be much more comfortable in your seat" with a bitchy haha I won smile. I was soooo embarasssed, I only wish I had some kind of comeback to her, but I mostly just wanted to dissapear because a few passengers near us heard what she said. I was humiliated and will never forget that moment. I think she just wanted a reason to upgrade and found her chance.

As I walked thru the airport I saw my friend who was waiting for me and also saw right next to us the clickity clack blonde woman clicking up in her heels to a man waiting for her and I was so tempted to just stick out my fat foot and trip her! But I didn't of course.

I since lost the weight, but the fear of someone doing that to me again sticks with me. Even at a smaller size the seats are still a bit tight and I am not willing to starve myself into teeny tiny clickity clacityness to fit better in the seat.

I happened to catch Olympics Women's Volleyball on the tube last night and was struck by how the Belgium team was by no means "thin" by American standards, but just looked so fit and healthy! I thought to myself that women like this should really be the role models in the mags, or at least that there could be a much better balance in their favor . . .

http://www.fivb.org/visasp/GetPhoto.aspx?type=press&no=14640&maxsize=300

angela -- thank you for posting a link to that picture! I agree, they look healthy and fit and normal (read: attainable with good nutrition and exercise). Thank you!

I have the exact problem fitting into airline seats at my present weight as I did when I weighed 127 lbs. I am 5'10" tall and I have swimmer's shoulders. My butt fits just fine in one coach seat and I don't need any seatbelt extenders, but oh, where to put the extra leggage and shoulderage. But I had that problem 100 lbs ago too.
However, a couple of years ago, I was on a flight and had the aisle seat. A very tiny woman of the sort I call brittle was in the center seat and a man who turned out to be her husband was in the window seat. When I reached my seat, I went to put my knitting bag into the overhead bin and it was jammed. So I went to put it under the seat in front of mine and the woman grimaced and said "I have a bag there". And grudgingly removed it when I looked at her and raised my eyebrows. I stashed my bag and sat down and clipped the seatbelt. The woman immediately started squirming and whispering to her husband about my size. I ignored her and as the plane taxied and took off, she got more and more squirmy, although I was leaning toward the aisle and getting whacked on the shoulder by every passerby. Finally about the time the seatbelt light went out, she gave this great gusty sigh and punched the button for the flight attendant.
The FA shows up and before Ms. Suffering can voice her complaint, I piped up and I said, "I'm afraid this woman is having a problem with my shoulders being in her way" as I continued leaning to the side. The FA said, "Oh, I'm sorry, let me see what I can do" and trotted off to the front of the plane. She came back and leaned over and said to me, "Ma'am, we have a seat in first class where I think you'll be more comfortable." After we got up front, she remarked "The nerve of her ..."
So sometimes ugly does get punished. BTW this was on AirTran, which was then firmly cemented at the top of my favorites list.

I think we're missing the point. We've been baited into engaging into a discussion of weight and fairness when the airlines have made their seats so ridiculously small so they can fit more people into the plane and MAKE MORE MONEY! This is really another case of big business turning us on each other so we don't see the real issue. Profit! Do I get to ask my boss for a raise because it is costing me twice as much to drive to work each day? It is so the American way to think it's acceptable to pay more and hate each other instead of demanding that the business's we patronize treat us better or we won't support them with our hard earned dollars! This whole concept of weight and planes and fuel costs is so twisted up, in my opinion.

My comment to anyone who made a comment about my weight would be "Well, maybe if you *ate* something, You wouldn't be such a B**ch, or A**hole!" whichever the case may be. I come from German heritage and all my female relitives are built for making babies, which means Boobs and Butts. Yes, there are a few of them that starve themselves so they can "look healthy", but those are the ones that end up in the hospital the quickest!

At my work the popular thing to do is get the gastric bypass surgery. One lady ended up having a heart attack while pushing herself into losing weight. She was so excited to be going for this surgery. I have a Very good friend that had it done and after hearing all her HORROR stories of stuff she goes through everyday after having it done - you couldn't PAY me to do it! The thing is even with the surgery, a lot of these people would still be considered fat. Why would you put yourself through all that and it Not Work!?!

Yes, I agree that it's not how big we are or are not, but it's the airlines trying to take as much out of our pockets as possible without having to give anything in return, that should be held to task. Money talks. And until you hit 'em where it hurts...they are not going to change anything.

I also want to send hugs to all of us, esp. you CAP, we love you just the way you are. Wine, smoothies, cat hair, and all.

Larko-
Rock ON to your sister!!
I was the fat, geeky, awkward girl the boys all tortured in middle school. Then when I pulled a John Hughes-esque transformation into a blond hot cheerleader in high school, I had the pleasure of turning a few of those jerks down flat.
Those fat and miserable years left me with a really valuable insight: Watch and see how a man treats fat girls, old ladies and waitresses in training. Because he'll treat YOU the very same way some day!!
I'd NEVER want to relive those years- but thanks to the experience I now have the sweetest, kindest and most considerate husband on the face of the earth (marry a nerd, ladies- they make GREAT spouses!). And the poor always thin and pretty cheerleaders who married the callow fat-girl teasing jerks are all either divorced or looking at the now-middle aged jerks they married wondering what the heck happened.

Mean people suck!

Have you all met my mother?! I would not put it past her to post a comment like this!

Some people are just mean. I just had someone leave a comment on my personal blog stating that I didn't look good (of course it was anonymous). And you're right! It is a reflection of themselves. Mean people are lonely souls.

I'm a round person. At least now. A few years back my arthritis took a really BAD turn for the worst, with accompanying pain. My left hip is deteriorating faster than I want to admit, and I can't walk too far and when I do walk, I need my cane.

It's hard to 'manage' the pain. Docs are terribly concerned about getting me hooked on pain killers, so I get very little help there. One doctor put me on steroids, which worked for the pain, but need I tell you how steroids affect your weight? And with my limited mobility, losing weight is almost impossible.

The only option is to starve myself, and we all know how well THAT works.

At any rate, I 'manage' the worst of my pain with painkillers that don't need an Rx--like vodka.

And I don't fly anymore, either. I always get searched; as if I've stashed things under my clothes because as a 100% American, I just look like a terrorist, I guess.

I rarely go out anymore. People think I've got a cane because I'm fat; they don't realize the cane came first.

Don't criticize until you have walked a mile in someone else's shoes. You just never know what someone is having to deal with in their life.

It IS sad, Laurie. Very sad.
.

On the one hand, I really do find it cruel to judge a person based on size. On the other hand, I remember someone telling me how uncomfortable he was when he sat beside a large person who would not allow him to put the armrest down because she was too large for her seat. He, too, had paid for his seat; however, he was unable to sit comfortably in his seat because the person next to him was too large for hers. Maybe airlines need to have a few extra-large seats on planes to accommodate plus-size people. Hospitals are buying bigger beds because North Americans are becoming larger. Maybe airlines could follow suit.

Wow - yep, thats the thing about the internet - anonymity = ass-imity. However, it would be nice if there was something airlines could tactfully do about the issue. As an average size 14 gal, I comfortably fit between the armrests of even the small regional jets, but not being skinny, I do empathize with those who are even less so than me. But on a recent flight I was seated next to someone who most definitely did not fit between the armrests. The poor thing arrived to the seats before I did and had the armrest up, and literally spread into over half of my seat. It was 100 degrees and humid, and she (obviously unintentionally, but that did not change the facts) made the flight seriously uncomfortable for me. She of course did not enjoy herself either, and I felt terrible when I saw her face fall upon realizing that she would have someone sitting next to her. It is very much unfair to force a person who paid their airfare to be in that situation (either of us, though it does seem less fair to the person who does fit into a seat than to the person who does not and therefore crowds the adjacent passenger). I was lucky that it was a short flight and that I do not have a health condition such as arthritis or MS that would have made it painful and injurious, rather than only annoying, to be squished. Of course one could have asked to be reseated, but given the circumstances, would that not have been terribly rude and insensitive? I noted that the flight attendant studiously ignored the situation, though we were in the second row and it could not have been unapparent to her. It truly would be lovely if airlines could find an appropriate way to address this problem.

I've been on both sides of this equation and I don't have an answer. As a formerly 358 pound person, I was already so self conscious about my size and how I perceived it to be impacting people who were forced to sit next to me that I would have to take Xanax or something akin to that just to get on a flight. My self esteem issues were horrible, and the insensitive approaches suggested by some of the respondants to the blog would have been enough to throw me over the edge and into a virtual insanity.

But now that I've conquered my weight issues and live in the land of normal sized people, I realize that my hanging over my seat had a far worse impact on my neighbor than I had been able to acknowledge at the time. Yes, I've traveled next to people of my former girth with patience and forebearance, but I will be the first to admit that their encroachment into my seat as well as body odors that often accompany people of that size made the experience absolutely miserable.

Do I have a great answer to the issue? I wish I did. Do I acknowledge that there are good points being made by both sides. I do.

I only wish that there could be more of an element of sensitivity and civility in the discussion.

Well, there are those who bring infants on a cave tour and while their screams bounce off the walls, they seem oblivious to the discomfort to everyone else. In fact, many parents of screaming children seem to be deaf. It's like I have to be punished because someone else had unsafe sex. It just isn't fair.

Airline travel is all about rudeness, really. I recently flew 6 hours in a center seat and the people on both sides of me too up both of the armrests, leaving me squashed and uncomfortable. It didn't help to have the person in front of me recline so far back that I could have done a mud mask on them.

So for someone to post something hateful on a website about airlines and heavy people, I think all it really takes is a couple of flights to become really angry and psycho about it. And another part would be a personality trait. Seriously, if there weren't any assholes in the world, how would anyone know if someone were not one?

I think babies shouldn't fly free. I think they should pay double. Heavy people haven't bothered me on a plane once in my life. But a screaming baby who would rather be at home can ruin my entire day. Shopping or flying or having dinner at a restaurant.

When DH and I went to the Philippines this March, we went to a resort island for a few days. On the way out, we decided to change our itinerary and instead of driving back to the city where we'd flown in, we decided to fly from the the resort town.

Guess what??? They weighed everybody. Have everyone stand on this big assed scale and they would write it down on some manifest of sorts...Thank goodness it was in kg so I couldn't really tell as much (without doing all the math in my head while I'm all red in the face), so you didn't seem toooo heavy...but I bet the locals knew :-P

But people who do make nasty comments...I just tell myself that they're the ones with the issues.

I fly multiple times every week for my work. I love my job, and to be fair, I'm not sure that I could get another one that would pay the mortgage. But I hate the flying. I think that everyone who flys get stressed out. The whole flying experience is terrible these days. I either fly early morning red-eyes or the last flight of the day, so I'm always exhausted when flying.

Given the feelings seem here, this will not be popular, but I DO ask to be moved if there are extra seats and I am next to someone who is making my flight unbearable. I move from screaming or kicking children, people who can't fit in their seat, people with ipods so loud they must be deaf, and people who can't seem to keep their elbows to themselves. What's the odd one out in this list? Those who can't fit into their seat. Unlike the others, they can't always help it. But what is the person in the next seat to do? Yes, the airlines could make the seats larger, but after flying for years, I think that's an unrealistic hope. So I ask to move. I hope that the person next to me isn't too hurt, but I'm normally so stressed out and uncomfortable as is, I would (and have in the past) break down in tears from stress. Is there anything you can say to someone you are moving away from to make it better? I'd think that drawing attention to the issue would make everyone feel worse about the whole thing.

Laurie, re your comments: "...the reason I can't picture myself 'there' is because I never see pictures of it ANYWHERE" and "I would like to see some examples of what fit and toned women in a size 10 look like in the media. Doesn't seem to exist!"

You'd have to look at old Hollywood fan magazines from the '50s, old movies like "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes" and "Gentlemen Marry Brunettes", and some of the sewing pattern books of today to see this. And don't you dare ask me how old I am.