Amen! Thank you for that lightbulb. I've been struggling with the guest room thing since I bought my house. None of the rooms seemed...right. I was contemplating carpentry in order to create a room for an event I didn't want. My home is truely my castle, and there's a Holiday Inn Express down the street.

My maid sucks, too. Also: me!

I've been trying to live with your shopping rules as well. It's a little harder what with kids and all but I find that it's very freeing. It's made me realize just how lucky I am to have so much stuff that I love and need to enjoy before I get more stuff. it feels like I am actually in charge of me for the first time ever.

Thanks, sweetie. You are such an inspiration to me in so many ways.

the ultimate guest situation is that great big southern house in the movie (The Big Chill)...everyone hung out together if they wanted to... huge kitchen, etc....porches, lots of bedrooms...and no pressure to wake up at the same time. i love the IDEA of guestrooms. IF the house is large enough, and you dont need those spaces for everyday living.

hey -- leanne beat me to the AMEN!

how much money do you think you have not spent during this stop-buying-stuff period? just wondering.

dare I say that I'm first? Probably not by the time I finish typing.

What is up with the mustard?? We have 2 in the fridge and 2 in the pantry! My husband is the only one who eats it and rarely at that!

We don't have a guest room, even if we had an extra room it wouldn't be a guest room! Who can't sleep on an air mattress in the living room?

I recently repainted our bedroom so there isn't stuff on the walls yet. I'm kinda liking the minimalist vibe going on in there but It does need "something". Maybe if I hang the curtains back up that would help. It has been two weeks.

I love it that you are making your life about you and not everyone else's expectations of you. I'm starting in that direction, far later in my travels than you, and discovering that most people close to me don't seem to notice anything. So, all those Sunday dinners that I think I have to cook because I am Mom have faded to a few Friday dinners out...and everyone seems relieved. Seems the child didn't really have time--just as I don't really want to cook. So, now we do other things together that we enjoy more. Life is better on our own terms.

smokeyjoe, I'm not sure how much I have saved, but it has allowed me to pay off my purchases as soon as I make them, like my plane tickets to see my folks in Florida and $800 in unexpected car repairs. I'm also not acquiring more stuff on top of my stuff, so that makes decluttering easier.

We live in a beautiful area of the country, and when we moved here 17 years ago, I made the mistake of sharing photos with friends and family back home. "Ooh, we're coming to visit on our vacation!" 'Cept we don't have a guest room. I tell people we have a several lovely hotels five miles down the canyon, which seems to have narrrowed the guest list down to: exactly zero. We love it. But then again, we aren't southerners with guilt complexes.

Another amen to this, sister! We use our second bedroom as an office/library/craft room. Every. Single. Day. And people ask almost every time they come to our house: "Why don't you use this as a guest room?"

What? Give up a large chunk of our home that we use every day so that it's available to someone else 7-10 days a year? That's crazy talk!

Keep up the lightbulb moments! :)

We have at least 4 bottles of mustard(spicy brown, honey, dill, dijon) in the pantry! I don't understand it either. Also, I feel the same way about the guest room issue. I am SLOWLY in the process of decluttering ours, and plan to turn it into my studio for knitting, scrapbooking and sewing. The Holiday Inn is just down the street, and they have a pool.

I've given up on magazines. No more (erm...except maybe the odd Interweave Knits or Vogue Knitting...they don't *really* count do they?). It came down to two magazines a month that I read and then toss (and I can get half the content online anyway) or the spendy moisturizer. The spendy moisturizer won.

I'm very bad at not buying books though. You have mustard for the apocalypse and I have the reading material.

You've hit on a hot button of mine. I live in Florida. My husband has a huge family up North. Everyone wants to visit Disney, the ocean, Cape Canaveral, etc., and stay with us. So we have a twin bed guest room, a queen size bed guest room, a sofa hide-a-bed, and you won't believe it, but we have a loveseat in my kitchen sitting room that's also a hide-a-bed!! And we hate having guests, yet feel obligated to agree to have them. Apparently, a lot of them! It always, no matter how much I like the guests, is painful. We've finally agreed to cut way back on having visitors after many, many years. For everyone reading this that stays with friends or family- PLEASE DON'T!! Get a hotel room!! And if you won't do that, never, ever stay longer than 3 nights, I beg of you!

Make your guest room into a favorite room just for you!!

My grandmother, who died in January, was also in a long-term relationship with "prepared for anything." Her pantry was always full, even after she and Gramps moved away from where all the family was. She owned every color of cross stitch thread DMC made. My mother and aunts mailed me all her knitting needles: there were hundreds. The argyle socks she was working on when she died were the first things she'd knitted in thirty years, and rather than dig into her stash of needles, she bought more. I inherited day-glo yellow alpaca yarn from Peru in the seventies, among other things. There were clothes she hadn't worn since before I was born (I'm 23).

But most of the knitting needles were rusted, and my aunt had to spend a lot of time with Ebay to get rid of the cross-stitch yarn. (Although the money went into her kids' college funds.) We much more enjoyed looking at the long-lasting belonging that fit her personality perfectly: certain pieces of jewelry, the alpaca stole purchased in Lima, books.

It has inspired me, when I do acquire things, to acquire them with longevity in mind. It's much cheaper, in the long run, to buy the $100 black wool skirt I'll wear twice a week for the next five winters than the $10 fuschia rayon sundress I'll wear twice in one summer before shoving in the back of my closet. It sounds like that's where your shopping freeze is headed, and I think it's a good place.

Hi Laurie,
I'm back from from France now, after 2 months away. After living out of a suitcase for all that time, it seems too weird to have so much! stuff! in the house. Seeing things with fresh eyes I am even more determined to pare down what's in my closets, my pantry, etc.
I hear you on the mustard.

I do have a guest room, but it gets used rarely, maybe once in 2 years if that. I have switched it from, a guest room that I use as an office, to my office that has a bed in it. I keep random files, books, and a newly arrived yarn shipment on it. The bed I mean.

Thanks for your great blogs, and P.S. I am reading La Suite Francaise too. Excellent.

Cheers,
Brenda

I'm curious about the unspent money also

I'm so fed up with the heaps and piles of things around the house, the embarrassment when friends call. I'm trying not to buy things but I need to try harder. We need to use what we have, get rid of what we won't use and repurpose what we can. I need the rest of the family to co-operate, too.

Everything you're saying is ringing bells with me.
Please keep motivating me by sharing how it's all going.

Thank you for all the times you make me smile!

I just want you to know that yesterday's post inspired me to go home and get rid of all those books that I've acquired that I'm probably never going to read. Today's post is awesome, too.

I don't get guest rooms in the same way that I don't get living rooms that are full of stuffy furniture you can't sit on and pristine carpet that you can't walk on. I don't really even get formal dining rooms. Ideally, my house would be a big kitchen with a huge table that is completely open to the family room. And some bedrooms. That's it. Because everyone hangs out in the kitchen when they're awake...or outside on the deck.

I'm so happy to see you reclaim some space into your life! =)

It's funny that so many of us are trying this right now. I just took the clothes that were hanging in my closet unworn for 12 years and 75 purses and took them to the goodwill. I have a friend that sells everything on ebay...her son outgrows a tshirt..ebay...yeah the money is nice but so is the releif of hauling all that crap away.

I hate clutter with a fiery passion - reading about your decluttering is oddly thrilling.
And amen to your guest bedroom revelation - we have one child and we just bought a two bedroom house, and I was SHOCKED at how upsetting it was to my in laws. I never set out to offend anyone, but we stuck to our guns, chose location over size, and I couldn't be happier with my tiny house - and we've got an air mattress in the closet and a hotel two minutes away. I just had to have a little come to jesus and realize that providing a guest bedroom wasn't my responsibility - but it was a very big deal, somehow. So I hear you on that.

My Mom is the ultimate hostess, but has admitted over the last two years that she is tired of her house being used as a Motel 7. Even though she got rid of her guest bed, that she could use her second bedroom as a workspace she still worried that she needed some place for guests to stay. She finally agreed that a blow up mattress was fine and that the people who really loved her and wanted to spend time with her would be o.k. with whatever she provided. So far it seems to be working, she does not have a ton of visitors anymore and her stress level has gone down enormously. I'm proud of her because she has been able to set some boundaries with her friends and now they are less likely to take advantage of her wonderful hospitality.

Our maids are sisters.

And if you find the laundry fairy? send her/him on over. Chicago is lovely this time of year.

I am proud to say I don't have a guest room. Because instead there are bedrooms for 4 kids. I can't afford a bigger house! plus... another room to clean. bleh.

I hate having house guests. But my husband LOVES it. We're both Southern. I guess I'm just of the "reformed" variety.

I was so happy when I realized that I didn't need to have a dining room, or even a matching set of plates! I would see dishes I like and feel the need to buy 4 of them just in case I ever have guests (which, by the way, I NEVER DO!). So now I just buy one, if I really like it, and it matches my other un-matched plates in an eclectic way. And my "dining room" is now devoted to fostering cats that are awaiting adoption. Which people think I am crazy for doing, but it makes me much happier than having dinner parties. :)
Oh - and for those looking to declutter, there is a great book by Peter Walsh (the host of "Clean Sweep" on TLC), called "It's All Too Much: An Easy Plan for Living a Richer Life with Less Stuff" . Though he could have decluttered the title a little.......

Ah, good. I'm not evil after all. I was thinking both this fam AND my daughter/her husband/two daughters would really enjoy the motel-with-pool for the week, more than cramping into our tiny spaces. I no longer have a guest room (I don't think we ever did..if so, it has never been empty)-- we'd have to bunk up two older daughters to lend out a room, and even then, the 4 guests would be earlobe to earlobe.. and I do love my alone time/privacy, especially when I'm exhausted from a stressful day.

Great ideas here, Laurie. And courage lent.

Yay Laurie!

When we moved to our new house in November 2006, we did not have our other house sold yet. Now here it is NINETEEN MONTHS LATER, and we STILL don't have it sold. So money is tight. VERY tight.

This enforced belt-tightening has been good in many ways, though, because I have re-learned how to NOT shop compulsively, have gotten myself out of credit card debt, and am in better shape financially than I was before this happened.

Laurie, you have been a big inspiration to me - - Thank You! :-)

BUT - - I do still buy cat toys though - - I mean, why should my babies suffer? :-)

(And I was able to find the Catnip Banana, and will be picking it up tonight after work. Yay!)

I was at Target a while back and a woman was buying 15 containers of yellow mustard. She had a coupon for each one. And of course, I was behind her in line.

I've often told the husband that we don't need a guest room. He asks what do we say when someone wants to come for a visit. I say, "We'd love to see you and have made a reservation at the Hilton for you."

Yes. I live in a studio apartment and I still feel as if I cannot get a comfy couch because I HAVE to have a futon available for guests. And I've not had any stay-over guests for at least 6 years!!! Thanks for pointing out the incongruity. I'm going to save up some money for a really cushy sofa.

It's challenging to be both an introvert and a Southerner, to be sure. I loathe having houseguests and strongly prefer not having to manage the Neurotic Cat's Return to Equilibrium afterward. In my own little rebellion, upon moving to a larger house (because the kids keep getting bigger) I promptly turned the formal living room into a playroom. Visitors to my home are immediately greeted by the retina-searing sight of brightly hued plastic rather than a little museum of grown up furniture that never gets used. However, I sleep better knowing that we're getting the best use of that space. Kudos to you!

I love this post!!! I have a dining room that is also a library, sewing room, office. Everything but a dining room. I am thinking about putting the dining set in storage in the basement storage room until I can bring myself to get rid of it (it was my mother's) or I move somewhere that has an extra room. I never have dinner guests and if I ever do, I have a great coffee table in the living room that I can dress up and we can sit on the floor. Just because it's called a dining room doesn't mean I have to use it as one, but I felt a little funny about taking the table out.

You're in my head again. I am in a full fledge de-cluttering/home decorating kick after I realized that the state of my home kept me from letting my friends come over. My closest friend of 2 years just moved away and as she left I realized I never let her come in my apartment! How crazy is that?

Goal for the week: bring one bag of stuff to Goodwill!

The Mr. and I have been talking about buying a house, and concluded that we'd like 3 bedrooms so we could have an office and guestroom. But your post brings up a really good point - we almost never have overnight guests now, and when we do, they're find sleeping on our cushy pull-down futon sofa. Anyone staying longer than one night would be much happier in a hotel, anyway.

I've enjoyed reading about your decluttering progress. I've started going through my (multitude) of books and the ones that I'm ambivalent about giving away, I put a small post-it with the month on the cover. If I haven't read it in the next year, it gets donated. Having a sense of order at home is so refreshing.

I too have a small house...and a small car, a small TV and a small flower garden and a small wardrobe and a small bust - and few friends and my memory's shrinking. BUT my hips and dreams are getting bigger. So there you go.

Just so you know how out of touch I am, I spent 20 minutes squinting at the computer screen trying to decode "AmEx" before I got it.

"Maybe it's like FedEx, or DHL? But why would they be wondering if she'd croa...oh..."

*smacks forehead*

ahh, un-stressful is a good plan.
No matter what else - you should love the space you live in and use it as you choose.
I am still working on my little house.
There is something about the bedroom that bothers me and I am stuck on it because I can't figure it out. I also have to repaint the bathroom and kitchen, redo the tile in the bathroom, and take up the carpet on the stairs and refinish the hardwood floor on the stairs that is being covered up by the icky carpet.
anyway, good luck with all your plans!

I have a two bedroom flat and my flatmate lives in the other bedroom so guestrooms aren't an option, but I tell ya what, The cupboard under the stairs is looking positively palatial these days :)

We have a dining room... but we also have no room in our kitchen for a table/chairs so it's more out of necessity than anything else. We also have a guest room, which I would LOVE to take over for a scrap/yarny/mom's craft area room... however my mom visits us for a week every year, and as a nun who has taken a vow of poverty, can't afford to rent a room elsewhere. As it is, we pay for her half her ticket (my brother pays the other half) and can't afford to put her up either, no matter how delightful I think it might be. No one else ever comes to spend the night anymore. My SIL used to, but she has a fiance now and 2 dogs, and they don't like to be away from the pups. Now that I have that typed out.. it seems kind of funny to keep a room of that size dedicated to just having one person spend a week in it out of 52. I might need to think on this more.

mustard emergencies are never pleasant! Good thing you are well stocked.

Huh. We have the same maid problem. Fifi, our maid, and Raoul, our pool boy, haven't shown up in . . . forever. Literally. :-)

I always wanted to go minimal, but didn't really get around to it until finances forced it. It is absolutely amazing to me how many times I don't need to buy something I need -- it's either not a real need, or I already have something that will do the job admirably.

It helps to read your thoughts on the issue. You clarify things so nicely. Thank you!

The Guest room thing has always been a fight between DH and me. I don't care to have guests stay in our house. They can stay at the hotel. Unless one's house is set up large enough for guests, it's always uncomfortable.

My husband doesn't get that. When we moved into this house, he considered having my daughters share a room so that the third bedroom could be a guest room. I had to put my foot down. We have one guest (his mother) who may stay a week at the holidays.

Likewise, I don't like to stay at other people's homes. I feel uncomfortable, squished and out of my routine. I can't read in the tub. I can't walk around in my tshirt and skivvies. I just don't like it. I don't WANT to bunk on anyone's sofa... I'd rather pay for a cheap hotel than make myself miserable.

Thanks for these last two posts. I've started decluttering my piles. :)

I have 2 guest rooms (very small rooms/small house) but they get used pretty often. When we 1st moved out here, visits from friends and relatives were what kept me sane. Every once in a while I start to think about changing the smallest room into a craft/reading etc. room for me but then a houseful of guests arrives and I have a great time. But I have realized that I don't want the guests sleeping in my living room-a little privacy all around makes the visit much better.

My point with this post is just to offer a different point of view-different strokes for different folks and all.

But tomato or tomahto--everybody does need to figure out what best makes their house THEIR HOME and go for it!

Don't feel bad about the mustard. I do the same thing, not only with mustard but with those little basil jars, and also other stuff, but I forget what so I'll have to buy more of it. My brother thinks I am criminally wasteful. I think... never mind, that would be mean. Moving on.

I have actually been trying to figure out what to do about having three people, one female, two male, staying at our house in shifts to take care of Taz. Can I make each one stay in a different bed? That would require only three sets of sheets, which I have (also three beds, but I have those too), and no one would have to change any beds, except maybe Taz's.

As for plates, we have two partial sets, having broken a few over the years, and both patterns being discontinued. Sometimes I think about getting rid of them all and buying a pattern that I really like (it's called Evesham, and a lot of people really like it, but I don't care, I like it anyway), but I've just decided that I like our current plates quite well enough and will stick with them until there are really legitimately too few of them to eat off of. That's my idea of minimalism. Chacune a son gout.

Oh, and if you ignore AmEx long enough they will write to you asking why are you not using your card to spend lots of money and make them rich? You can ignore the letter without hurting their computer's feelings.

Lou and Peter Berryman are a musical novelty duo who deftly skewer the inanities of modern living, including our tendency to acquire “too much stuff”. Thought you would enjoy seeing this salute to acquisitiveness run amok.

(Their website is http://members.aol.com/berrymanp if you’re interested in learning more.)

THE STUFF SONG
© L & P Berryman, 1998

I had always considered my habits austere
‘Cause I don’t have a boat or a big chandelier,
But then recently something became very clear
When I found myself building another new shelf.
I’m no antiquer with hundreds of lamps,
And I’m not a philatelist, tho I have stampe,
Nor am I numismatist such as my gramps,
But I run a museum in spite of myself.

Ties, for example, I’ve dozens of those.
I have ties that are thin and go down to your toes,
And a couple so wide you don’t need any clothes,
And a plastic bowtie when you squeeze it, it squirts;
Ties that are new and a few from my youth,
And a wool one I wore on a whim in Duluth,
And a doozy I bought in a mall in a booth.
And a few I invented with glitter and paint.

Leftover paint for the ceiling and floor –
I have paint for old wood that was painted before.
I have paint I forget what it’s for any more,
And a color for only where nobody looks.
Red for the car that I drove as a teen,
And a can of a hideous lemony green,
And a hundred percent of the shades in between,
With instructions on painting in handyman books.

Books in the cupboard and books overhead,
And a shelf of quotations from guys who are dead,
A collection of classics I never have read,
And an unopened book about keeping in shape,
Waterproof books about building a yacht,
And the story of Spam (which I read and forgot),
A debunking of Ripley’s “Believe It or Not”,
And a hist’ry of myst’ry and Dickens on tape.

Tape? I have some that is stronger than glue,
And electrical tape in both yellow and blue.
I have tape for the pool, or to patch a canoe
(Even though I don’t own a canoe or a pool).
Tape for my car that’s reflective and red,
I have tape for the trunks of my trees in the shed.
I have leftover tape from a gash in my head.
I have tape you apply with a packaging tool.

Tools I have lying around everywhere,
Like a pump for replacing the air in a spare,
And a circular saw and a carpenter square,
And a fairly elaborate socket array.
Hammers and planes and a ratcheting wrench,
And a workbench of drills and a drilling extension
That fits in a rack on the back of the bench
Over lithium grease in an aerosol spray.

Spray for my hair, I have cream for my face,
I have dandruff shampoo with an apricot base,
I have bottles of aloe all over the place
And a case of deodorant germicide soap.
Now while I rinse, couldn’t somebody quick
Give a person perspective on what makes him tick?
Tell me why, in a world full of hungry and sick,
I need herbal emollient and soap on a rope.

I’m ashamed to admit I have too many socks
And infusers and shovels and pencils and clocks,
And enough pairs of glasses to fill a shoe box
And fedoras and paper clips up the wazoo.
Sorting it all into bins would be wise
But I ran out of Rubbermaid boxes that size
And for labels, I don’t have the office supplies –
So it looks like I have some more shopping to do.
It looks like I have some more shopping to do.

There is another option for guest rooms - a Murphy Bed. They are a bit spendy, but if you are homeowner AND like guests AND want the space for yourself - its really worth it! Some models have get a drop-down folding work table on the bed when its upright. This makes it doubly useful. So when the bed is upright, you have a nice wall that looks like a cabinet. It works for us, especially having a decent mattress for aging parents and in-laws.

"And it's good to challenge all my long-held assumptions about living right. I think there are lots of "right" ways to live your life, you just have to find the one that works for you." - AMEN.

Laurie, you are so very wise for your years. Along with everyone else, I really appreciate your writing and inspiration and stories so much...

So when is the next book coming out? Love the blog. Now I just have to figure out how to "get it" for myself.

Thanks so much for inspiring me to declutter my house. I really don't know why I am holding onto all of these things that I really don't want or need. Also, I'm trying to stop buying things that I really don't need, which is really hard for me.

Your comment about the guest room is similar to what I observe about my friends and family members who drive really big cars. They feel they need a car that can seat 8 because occasionally their parents come into town and they will need to get everyone somewhere at the same time. But most of the time, it's just that one person driving the Suburban, stuck in traffic.

Or they need to own a 4 wheel drive with ski racks because they go to the snow once a year.

I finally saw the light and realized that is what Hertz is for, and I really enjoy getting 30 miles per gallon.

Oh, also, on the shopping thing.

I didn't totally stop shopping, though I wanted to because I found you inspiring.

But I do stop and ask myself if I like something because it's a good deal or if I like it because I would truly get a lot of use out of it. (Clothing or other.) Credit to you on that, and I have put lots of things back on the store shelf/hanger because of it.

Yay for no guest room! Maybe when we're able to get a house too big for just us, or when the kids move out. . . I'm all for the decluttering and buying what we need rather than everything we see! Good for you, keep it up.

I love having house guests. There's a sofa bed in my sewing room and it is just not a big deal whether it's in use as a guest room or not. (On the other hand, I am not at all offended when people say they want to stay at a hotel.) And I have big sets of dishes and love to have people come for a meal. My usual guests are helpful and don't want to be waited on, that might be a factor.

I should post this anonymously, but what the heck... I seriously (seriously!) buy multiple copies of the exact same underwear - that way, I don't spend time finding the one pair I most want to wear, and end up only wearing 10% of my underwear because some of them (inevitably a lot of them) turn out to not be my favorite. And when I say "multiple" I mean multiple: I found my perfect pair of cotton underwear and then went and bought 25 identical pairs - mostly black, since I pretty much only wear black pants and jeans, and 3 pairs of nude/pink for if I lose my mind and buy white pants... Then I threw out all the old underwear (it was time, don't cry for them Argentina)... and never, ever do I run out of underwear. Nor need to dig for the pair I feel like wearing, nor do laundry to do the ones I like wearing the best. It's Chairman Mao's underwear drawer - they are all equal. As they get old they are sent to the garbage - I still have plenty!

One of my uncles always says that relatives and fish have a lot in common...after three days, they both start to stink.

Yes, I hate houseguests too.

It's funny that my maid seems to have no problem getting the laundry done, but she really has an aversion to dusting. If we lived closer, maybe we could swap help. :)

I thought I was the only one who bought groceries because their cabinets were so packed they couldn't tell what was in there! How else can I explain the four jars of spaghetti sauce and about 30 (past their expiration date) Luna bars?

I'm inspired by your no buying trend--but I think my first step has got to be to get my mother on it! I love her, but she always sends me things that clutter up my house, and I feel bad getting rid of them. Yes, I mentioned liking the flavored tuna snack packs, but that doesn't mean she needs to send me 20 of them!! Sigh.

I'm impressed that your cats don't kill the air mattress, though. I've gone through three that way. Alas.

My two guest rooms became 1) studio for myself and my art and 2) a studio for my husband and his music. If someone visits my house for more than a day they get to sleep on the air mattress. While I'm about as southern as southern gets (from Atlanta and brought up on EP's Blue Book of Etiquette) I long ago decided I wouldn't turn myself, nor my home, upside down and inside out for rare guests who come one week/weekend out of a year, if that often. I don't like people in my house, either. It totally wigs me out and I end up recuperating for days afterward. Love my friends, love my family, but not at the expense of my sanity and my space. Hoorah! for the Hampton Inn, located a zippy little 10 minute drive down the road!!!

I SO GET YOU on the guest room thing. This is such an issue for me. I HATE having houseguests. In my head, they're houseSQUATTERS. Our house is the size of a pin, has only one teeny bathroom and also us two and the cat and dog.

There isn't ROOM for "guests". Yet, they insist on staying with us. As though we LOVE it. And we don't. And they go, "feel free to stay with us any time, we'd love it!" and I say, "No thanks, we prefer a hotel. We like our personal space."

And no one gets the picture.

My fear is that I'll die an old lonely woman who wishes she opened her house to more people back in the day because now she wants friends and no one will come over.

That's the only reason I let anyone "crash on my couch" or, say, bring three other friends and sleep wherever they see fit in my pin-sized house. So that some day they'll come back and do it again.

Not sane.

OMG, you hit the nail on the head with the guest room issue! Having inherited my parents' house, I also inherited a lot of extra furniture. They had plenty of space for overnight visitors. This was necessary because the family would descend about three times a year, requiring the use of two guest beds and a couch.

Yes, there are three couches in my house, and two of them are sofabeds.

NOBODY has come to visit since their funerals in 2006. I ask you--why was it so important to me to make sure I maintained the guest accomodations? I believe it is air mattress time for Chez Banter.

I hate having houseguests.

It probably goes back a few years, when my dog was still alive. We had a couple of houseguests, and they were bringing their kids. I was informed before they got here that I HAD TO kennel my dog, because he was over 100 pounds, and these people did not trust that my dog wasnt going to somehow mentally (or physically?) traumatize the children. (all of them under 6yrs old)

So, against my wishes, my parents and I put the dog in a kennel.

Two weeks later! we went and picked up the dog. We drove to the kennel without calling to warn them we were coming. We got there, and I saw my dog on the grooming table. (he nearly garotted himself trying to leap off the table to get to me) The kennel owners insisted that we leave for a couple of hours because they were still grooming him. So, I took my mom to lunch.

We went back a few hours later to pick up Tiny. He was very anxious acting, and really clingy to me. I petted him and noticed he had a huge bump on his head.

It wasnt until the next day, when he was obsessively licking himself (yes, in that area) and I looked to see what the deal was that I realized that Tiny did not have a relaxing vacation from us. The kennel nearly killed him! He had road rash in his groin (kennel property had gravel roads and paths on it) The bump on his head, was actually 2 or 3 "bumps" and cuts. He had a concussion, and his kidneys were both bruised. Plus, he was emotionally traumatized and was never the same goofy happy dog that I had dropped off before the houseguests got there. He was the scaredy cat, clingy dog that I got in place of that.

(and before people ask, yes, I reported the abuse to the right people, and the vet made an offical report too)

I never again allowed a houseguest to make that kind of a demand on me and my dog. I refused to kennel him. (I did keep him on a leash and with me all the time when people would visit...he was clingy then anyways and wouldnt let me out of his sight very often)

I'm mad that we allowed them to insist that we kennel Tiny. It just put a bad taste in my mouth for having guests at all. People who think that they can make any demand of us just because they're the "houseguests".

Tiny was a member of this household, even tho he was "just a dog", he was higher up on the Totem Pole of Importance than any house guest ever was.

I've been a guest at other people's house. I've never had a problem with sleeping on the mattress on the floor. Or sleeping on the lumpy pull-out bed. I dont take over the house like I've seen houseguests at my home do...and I clean up after myself.

I quit being a houseguest at other people's places, because I understand how some people hate having guests, and now if I have to go visit someone, I'll get a hotel room. Hopefully the next time someone comes to visit us, I'll be able to convince the parents to encourage the guests to stay at a hotel...

I cannot even begin to tell you how appropriate this is for me. I left home a few months ago to move to St. Kitts for vet school, and was limited to 2 suitcases. At 30 years old, I was moving to a foreign land where I would be given a DORM ROOM(!) to live out the next 4 months of my life (we move into apartments next semester). We were issued a bed, dresser, dishes/cutlery, a too-short shower curtain (check out my blog to see how I ghetto-fixed that with yarn!), and a desk/chair.
Being an avid knitter/reader, it was all but impossible to compress my life into 2 suitcases. I grumbled the entire time, paid for an extra bag (I admit it), brought with me only essential yarn/books/movies, and four months later I feel COMPLETELY FREE!! I can't believe how refreshing it is to force myself to deal with problems instead of running to the mall (closest thing here is the port...not the same). I've learned more about myself in the last few months than in the last 30 years of stateside living. Cudos to you for paring things down in life!!

Laurie - I SO appreciate you sharing your journey here. It's very inspirational! Being a single, homeschooling mom - and wanting to remain a homeschooling mom! I, too, have had to take a hard look at needs/wants. I just made the decision to sell my car! Very painful - I love my car! But the truth is, at this time, the money it would bring (fairly quickly) is more valuable than having the car itself. Painful, but it feels right.

Love this post!! I, too, have shunned the guest room. A few months back, my fiance and I bought a house. One day my mother-in-law-to-be said something about how she and her husband would stay in our guest room whenever they drive to town. I (perhaps too gleefully) blurted: "We're not having a guest room!" She blinked, then turned to my sister-in-law-to-be and said, "Well, we'll stay with you, then." Hee hee hee....

Laurie, I completly understand about the guest room situation. My husband and I have lived in small apts with 2 bedrooms for most of our marriage and we just decided that the spare bedroom would be our office. We don't need a guest room either. No one ever stays with us anyway. And if they did, we have an air bed. I used to hate it so much growing up because my parents designated my room as the guest room for the 2 days a year that our family visited. So, she picked out all my bedding and decorations THAT I HATED just for them. They were only there 2 days out of the year but I had to look at the ugly stuff for the other 363 days of year. It was a source of constant fighting. I constantly asked them if I could get rid of it, but they never let me. Now as an adult, I just don't believe in letting other people dictate how you will live. Besides, like you said, there are always hotels.

Well, halleujah! Sounds like you've had quite an awakening.

I, too, need to have a certain amount of back up neccessities (tp, paper towels, toothpaste and cereal and a stocked freezer) in order to feel that all is right with my world. When the budget gets tight we just eat out of the freezer for that month and then I have a place for all those on sale chicken breasts I must buy next time the price is right.

And don't you dare give those people your mustard- it will just start the mustard aquisition cycle all over again!

Gee, someone else who has the litter box in the office! It's kinda nice to know I'm not the only one. And Purl, dear, I am in a smaller space than you (not that that's virtuous!), but I estimate it at around 400 sf, maybe 450 absolute max. Somehow I cope, but I am doing a major book weeding and a minor stash weeding and a big junk weeding, mostly to make space for the stash I intend to keep. As always, you are an inspiration, and let's hear it for nearby hotels!!!!

I learned the guest room lesson the hard way.

When we bought our house, I was excited that we could have a guest room. Three weeks after we moved in, my husband's best friend separated from his wife and moved in with us "temporarily." His sons were over regularly, too. So was his girlfriend. For more than three years.

When he moved out, we put an exercise bike, a weight bench, and three litter boxes in that room. If he moves back in he'd have to live around that stuff. He is not welcome, however.

(Now my father did stay with us this past weekend and we did give him our bedroom. But we would give my father the shirts off our backs if he needed them, so this was no hardship. He's the exception.)

Hi Laurie,
I just finished reading your book and this post and I LOVE both. I am in a bad marriage and we keep trying to revive it (mostly because we have two teenagers) but I don't think it's going anywhere. I live in a small town with nothing to do and since I work from home, I don't have many (any)friends. I have looked for a book club or stitch and bitch to join but none exist around here and I'm too insecure to start my own. I loved how you had so many friends to support you through your bad time. Do you have any suggestions for making friends? I don't need them just for support through a potential divorce, I just would like to meet some nice people. I'm in my mid 30's and since I had my kids young, I'm having a hard time finding people in a similar stage of life as I am. I have ONE friend and she is so high maintenance (she wants to talk on the phone 5 times a day) that I avoid her but that leaves me lonely. The only "friend" interaction I have each day is reading your post. I need help! Any suggestions??

Thanks for sharing your new ways of thinking (and acting). It really helps me decide what works for me and what doesn't.

You are an inspiration.

Laurie, you don't know how relieved I am now. Now that I know I won't have to stay at your place when I come to visit!
sm

I love your determination to declutter your home your own unique way! So many people have some kind of "formula" for getting rid of their accumulated stuff! I had to learn the hard way...hubby and I and dc had to move into a MUCH smaller house (my Dad's, ugh - that's a whole other story) and try to meld two households into one. It's been 1 1/2 yrs and most of our "stuff" is still in storage in our barn. I couldn't even tell you what's out there other than my many books *sob*...so obviously I haven't needed it! Prime example of consumerism! We been on a minimalist diet ever since. It's hard but not impossible and in many ways, very freeing. So, cheers to you!

BTW, Loved Loved Loved your book!

Wow, I thought I was the only one who hated houseguests. Makes me uncomfortable to have people in my space. And while we're sharing, I hate having people over at all. I never feel like my house is pretty enough or clean enough. And cooking for people - forget it! I come from a long line of women who have a fear of entertaining. And my grandmother was from Louisiana!

So when people visit, I clean like a mad woman, buy all kinds of crap to make the house look better, stuff all the clutter away and am tense the whole time. Not fun.

Oh, I agree all around. I just had a lot of anxiety when someone I was friendly with 5 years ago asked to stay with me. I responded that we're really not set up for guests.

Haven't heard back from her.

Dear Laurie and commenting friends - you are all so inspiring! I sit here this evening, preparing for 2 friends coming over tomorrow after work (for margaritas! yippee!). You helped me make the decision - I will swiffer and vac the cat/dog hair up and call it a night. Why try to make something be what it is not? For tonight: Goodbye washing all the slipcovers! Hello Pinot Noir! For the weekend: Goodbye unused dining room furniture - hello big ole, comfy, un-dining room chair! For the end of the year: Goodbye all of the furniture I am storing in the garage! Hello, room for my car! Woo hoo!!!!

We have a guest room upstairs that was our son's room when he lived at home. It makes a good private place for when our daughter and son in law come home for the holidays. I opted for an additional blow up bed for my grandson and found an extra queen one. Maybe I need to rethink some of my planning, but all the kids can stay here with us if they want.

We might should downsize, but I'm just not ready at this time. Our home is paid for and we really cannot move away, because my in laws are very elderly and we don't want to move out of the area.

Well yesterdays post made me clean my living room. So thanks for that. id been putting it off for way way to long. Just read your book, btw and loved it! you are the second blog i read almost everyday, Harlot comes first. Thanks for the inspiration.

I am all over the "guest room" thing -- I too grew up a Southern belle, trained to do all the "right" things. But I tell you, when the folks came to pick up the guest room mattress and box springs an Sunday that I'd Freecycled, I did a happy dance! Guest room no longer -- hello, useable room! And I'm torching the belle card!

I think that you should be happy with not having a lot of stuff and taking that leap of getting rid of stuff and not buying stuff. I really dont think it is necessary for a person to have a guest bedroom. For a long time I have lived in 1 bedroom apartments and have not even stressed that I had enough room for a guest. If they wanted to sleep at my place a sleeping bag or air mattress worked or the hotel that was nearby.
My maid (me)does suck for two days now she knows that she needs to finish sweeping but still has not been done.
I have a question does the whole not buying anything include gifts to people as well or is that exempt you may have said earlier but I have forgotten?

I h-a-t-e having house guests. I feel the same way, my house is too small and I don't like rearranging my life for them. I love my family and friends and all, but get a hotel.

I've got a house plan in the works. It's approximately 800 square feet. One bedroom, one bath. The comment I hear most is "where will your visitors sleep?" Now, why would I pay a mortgage for a space for a nonexistent visitor? I'm planning on living in an RV while building. I've been giving away furniture and stuff for the last few months. Doesn't feel like I'll miss any of it because I'm keeping yarn and books. And the dogs. Plus the cat. And the guinea pigs.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who doesn't like houseguests. It messes up my rhythm and that of my pets. With that being said, I'm secretly typing this, as our houseguests are sitting in the living room.

Aerobeds are amazing. We bought one to take on vacation and let me tell you, when we finally get rid of the old uncomfortable bed in our guest room it's going to be replaced by a double aerobed. I've slept on an Aerobed and I've slept on our guest bed (it used to be ours) and let me tell you the Aerobed is way more comfortable. I hate having guests too, but one weekend a year we have a houseful of my husband's friends. Every year I swear I'm going to leave for the weekend and one of these years I actually will.

I've really been inspired by your commitment to not buy "stuff". We just got back from vacation and I didn't buy a thing I wasn't about to eat. No postcards, no tacky souvenirs. And I really feel the better for it. Lord knows our house has too much stuff in it already - I do not need to be bringing home more. Thanks for your inspiring words. :-)

I've just survived having my MiL and AiL here for most of three weeks in our 800sqf two bedroom apartment. They got air mattresses in the big bedroom, we had our bed, two bookshelves, a shelving unit and a desk in the small bedroom! Loved the company, hated the crammed-in feeling and lack of space (and having to dress decently). Must get rid of more Stuff! We move to a one bedroom this weekend - less house guest opportunity!
I get a bit confused at the people who get worried about not being able to do as you do. They obviously see you as a guru and want to follow your teachings without thinking about them.

"But it never once occurred to me that I was not required by law to have a guest room." Love this. It finally occurred to my husband and me that "it is not required by law to have a dining room." We got rid of the table and reclaimed the space. If we have a big group, we haul out a stored table, or rent one for the night. Easy.

I just CLEANED off a space that was full of junk (and about 5 years of dust. *cough* *sneeze* *cough*)

It was the top of my former computer armoire (it's now a yarn cabinet) It was covered with several inches of the aforementioned dust, and had the plastic packaging and cardboard boxes for a PDA I no longer own, a pair of headphones that broke 2yrs ago, the packaging for a hard drive that was in a computer I no longer own, an empty Valentine's day box of candy, and two shoe boxes full of crochet and sewing related items. (yay! I found my scissor sharpener! I can cut fabric again!) I also found 3 yards of fabric I bought in 2004 to make gift bags for Xmas.

I only cleaned for about 10 or 15 minutes because I was starting to sneeze and cough from the dust, and my back just didnt like it and my legs were going numb.

But I did make use of that space again. I didnt finish it yet, but I used the fabric I found (non-xmas colors) to cover the top of the armoire, and I've got about half of my Beanie Baby collection that was on my bed's headboard transferred over to the top of the cabinet. I'd been thinking about doing that, so that I have more space to put pictures of my dog on my bed's headboard.

I'm still not done with it, but I'm kind of happy to get rid of the dust farm that was growing up there. Some of the dust blew out of the room and actually made it into the bathroom. I found dust bunnies in my sink when I went to get a wet cloth to dust the cabinet with.

I may put the other half of the Beanie Baby colony on my other computer armoire (have an actual computer in that one) so that maybe the room will balance out the room a little bit.

I'm trying to ignore the elephant (junk) in the closet. I feel a little overwhelmed about trying to tackle that any time soon. At least when I do the closet, I can open the door and sit on a chair to pull stuff out of there.

My room already feels better to me now. Except for my dust allergies. Maybe I'll use the vacuum hose next time.

oh, and I found a crochet pattern that I thought I'd lost years ago! Yay!

hi laurie,

i, too, bought the same desk as you at the same place, but i don't recall having the option for a glass top. did you get it at the same place or did you find it somewhere else? i would really appreciate it if you would share this info with me.

thanks, mary

I am bowing to the four directions, figuring that will get to all y'all (starting with WEST and CAP). When my adult children moved out, I *immediately* converted their rooms - onme to a "study", one to a "den". The study has bookcases, file cabinets & two big desks, one with the desktop on. The middle one has a futon, bookcases and a small desk. Also A/C. THAT is my Writing Room. Now, I don't mind the occasional sleep-over person - but I agree with Ben Franklin and live accordingly. (He said "Fish - and Guests - go bad after three days and must be dispatched.") But we don't have *guests*...the DH points out that stay-overs can get something to eat if they want it - if WE make them a sandwich, it'll be $4.50, extra for chips. And stay-overs understand that they're in my WRITING ROOM and they do NOT "live" there; during the daym, they're out and about if I have a project on the keys. If they don't care for that arrangement, there ARE motels very nearby. This OUR house, my NEST, and being allowed to stay over is a privilege.

I am bowing to the four directions, figuring that will get to all y'all (starting with WEST and CAP). When my adult children moved out, I *immediately* converted their rooms - onme to a "study", one to a "den". The study has bookcases, file cabinets & two big desks, one with the desktop on. The middle one has a futon, bookcases and a small desk. Also A/C. THAT is my Writing Room. Now, I don't mind the occasional sleep-over person - but I agree with Ben Franklin and live accordingly. (He said "Fish - and Guests - go bad after three days and must be dispatched.") But we don't have *guests*...the DH points out that stay-overs can get something to eat if they want it - if WE make them a sandwich, it'll be $4.50, extra for chips. And stay-overs understand that they're in my WRITING ROOM and they do NOT "live" there; during the daym, they're out and about if I have a project on the keys. If they don't care for that arrangement, there ARE motels very nearby. This OUR house, my NEST, and being allowed to stay over is a privilege.

You make such good points and it boggles my mind that I never thought of them before.

For the past few weeks I've been wondering if I can afford a fold out sofa bed - we have two air beds as guest beds and I felt a bit bad that people were having to sleep on the floor when they stay.

But why should I take up valuable space (and even valuable-er money) that I don't have just for, like you say, four days a year? I'm never gonna sleep in it, or even look at it really - our guest room is just our spare room and is only used for storing random clutter and guest-sleepage. I'm going to save my money for something more important. Like food. Or cat litter.

Thanks Laurie for bringing me to my senses :)

Just to add my comment to an impressively long comment page, I just wanted to say that I have just stumbled upon this page, and found it very enjoyable!! Thanks :)

I'm a longtime fan of your blog and found this post and yesterday's utterly inspirational. I'm a professional organizer and have an organizing blog (www.peaceofmindorganizing.com/blog) and just posted Crazy Aunt Purl as my blog of the week. Thanks so much for these great posts.

OMG. Amen, sister. I, too, am a regular Girl Scout when it comes to stocking up on the essentials (which, apparently, means having multiple bottles of soy sauce in the pantry, because you NEVER KNOW when you're going to host some crazy stirfry cook-off or something).

LOVE your epiphany about the guest room. We have a guest room with a real bed that gets used maybe 4 or 5 nights a year, but I also feel like I need to hold on to my ugly old futon in our office, just in case we have (gasp!) more than one person/couple as a guest at one time. That particular situation has happened to us, oh, NEVER. I'm a big dork. Thanks for the insight!

I am BURIED in clutter. It makes it impossible to clean. I also have three cats, two kids, and two other adults living in the house with me. It's a lot of people, a lot of stuff.

Thanks for the inspirations.

OMG, your office is exactly my office - twin bed sleeper, cat box, I sleep there, not the guests. I know the sleeper had to go (too old), but was struggling with what to replace it with. Now I know, nothing.

And I also don't enjoy guests, no matter how much I like them as people, because it upsets my routine. I had to laugh the time the cat heaved an audible sigh of relief when some left though.

Laurie,

I just came upon your blog through Google Blogs and you seriously rock, lady! (I was searching "too small house" in an attempt to alleviate my almost mental breakdown with us probably having to stay in a too-small place b/c it won't sell right now...blech!). I'll definitely be back for another visit!

Do you live in my head? The spare/guest room issue is one which I have been putting off but want to get to this week. The double bed takes up the whole room - my daughter was with us for a few months before she moved and slept there - she is permanently moved now but I keep thinking where will visitors sleep. However any friends or brother and SIL are used to queens and kings so wouldn't want to sleep on a double anyway. My daughter could sleep on the airbed we have and we would gladly give up our bed for my parents. So Laurie, the double bed is going to a better home and I am going to make that room mine all mine - thanks for the lightbulb moment.

I thought it was just me that didn't like having houseguests.

Thanks for being so honest and saying "you know? not all that fun and actually a bit stressful".

So refreshing!

And, congrats on keeping up the "stop buying stuff"!! Your checkbook has got to be very happy these days :-)

PS You are maxing out your 401k and IRA right? OK I'll shut up now.

I realized this year that I don't like house guests either, and I will only allow my brother (at most)! I live in Virginia, but I can blame it on my Yankee upbringing!

Amen to your guest room epiphany! My husband, cat, and I live in a 400-square foot apartment (you get so much for your money in The Netherlands). We just turned down visitors -- a family of four -- because we said we couldn't accommodate them. (The apartment is so small that, if one of us suffers gastric distress, everyone bears the olfactory burden.) I may have my belle card revoked when we move back to the US, but I'm willing to risk it.

I don't like houseguests either! Home is where I go to get *away* from people, so why would I invite someone to visit? Since I live in a 3-bedroom house, I do have one room set aside for the occassional family member who drifts in several times a year, but only because he understands the litterbox in their bathroom and the toilet handle that needs jiggling and not to use any of the toothbrushes by the kitchen sink without asking which one is for what cleaning purpose. My house, my quirks.

It's so hard to find good help these days! *wink*
(I have a rotten live-in maid, too - also me)

So are you continuing the pledge? I learned I had a knee-jerk relationship with magazines when I first started this, too!
(((hugs)))

Thank you for this post, Laurie! I've been thinking about tackling my overwhelming clutter for awhile, and between your and the commenters' ideas I'm hatching a plan. And especially thank you to whomever posted the 'stuff' song - the lyrics made me think of my oil lamp collection. Even though they are displayed I don't even see them anymore. Time for a purge!

We had already converted our guest room into an exercise/upstairs craft storage room, and left space in case someone would stay with us. But since my family were the only ones visiting from out-of-town, and my parents don't travel anymore, no one has been to visit for several years now. I think it's time to make the former guest room a permanently-useful part of the house!

(Though, at least when it was a guest room it was almost always tidy and neat!)

Yesterday my mom called to offer me use of a 30%-off coupon at Kohl's that she had and was going to expire last night. She told me they were having a good sale and she got some new towels & bed linens. I got all excited--ooh! I need towels! I need bed linens! But then I thought about what I'd read here earlier in the day and realized, no, I don't *need* towels or sheets--I've got more than enough already--in fact they're bursting out of the closet that desperately needs to be decluttered. I called my mom back and told her no thanks!

Thanks to YOU for helping me see things in a different light!

I have the world's most ugly and uncomfortable couch because I felt obligated to buy one that folds out into a comfortable guest bed. Apparently, the bed part is really uncomfy too. When I replace it, it will be with two comfortable and stylish chairs. And the reccommendation of the Holiday Inn half a mile away, or the little guest house at the end of the next street. I hate having my home invaded by guests, family, or vague friends of family who I have never met before, but who want to visit the nation's capital without forking out a fortune in hotel bills. I am a terrible hostess, I now admit that and embrace that, and give up any aspiration to be a good hostess, clearly that part of the DNA is missing (probably replaced with the gene for snarkiness).

You are an inspiration!! I have started selling all the knitting books I will never use on Amazon.com and next up is all the extra stash of yarn that I will never live long enough to knit. The stuff I don't like goes first of course.

Love the way you write and I really enjoyed your book

Laurie, I'm so very sure you won't be alone if "they" revoke your Southern Belle card -- I'll be there with you and might even lead the way as you're welcomed to the outside world of the South, even in the South. Here I am, middle of the summer (and tourist season) at the NC coast. Have TWO extra bedrooms all set up for guests. Do I want guests? NO! Spouse has taken over one bedroom for his computer room away from home and we've both been stashing stuff in the other bedroom closet. It's just a matter of time -- the other bedroom will be too cluttered to walk into. "People" are forever telling me they'd love to come visit -- oh, don't you know it!! I'm not running a hotel here, folks, so if you want to come to the beach, check out the Hampton or Comfort Inn or the nearly 1,000 rentals on the Island.

But, Laurie, come on down, girl. We'll tip a few cold beverages and you can tell me all about it. I didn't say I NEVER want guests; I just want selective guests.

Well, I MUST have a second bedroom because my partner snores really bad and I have to have a place to kick him out to when I need to get some sleep. But no guests!

uh.. i think you mighta made a mistake and were talkin' about my house... I am fully prepared for the worst :::laughing::

Ah: the office/guestbedroom/large closet is where the catbox goes. Got it. (Thanks for working the answer to that question into your post.)

I'm with you on the guest room thing not being a legal requirement. (My family - who visits once every other year, maybe, can be put up at a hotel.) Although - I appear to be getting married and moving into a larger place (as soon as the mortgage crisis lets us buy the place). With the combining of stuff, we'll probably make a spare guest room. In the meantime, there's now two of us in 720 square feet (for a few more months) and we're both getting desperate for a few more furballs. (Not the canine type. I got those covered.)

Besides, furballs are so entertaining... I'm sure they'll help us go through boxes of stuff for more clearing out.

thanks for the update - I was wondering! Love the topic and your writing. Are you saving a lot of money? And do you ever feel like buying things out of boredom? When I analyze my spending, I realize this is the cause of some unneceesary spending..

Hmmm - I have a different take on this than everyone else, apparently. I almost never have company, let alone guests - not even my next-door neighbor. We have a 1,200 sf house with full basement, attached garage, and breezeway - all full of junk. I need to make the space livable for myself and husband, let alone the occasional guest. It's a major undertaking just to get it ready to have someone over to dinner.

But I do have a "guest room", with the bed buried in craft materials, books, puzzles, and miscellaneous detritus. It's not used very often, but my mom may be coming to stay again this winter. My goal will be to have it actually cleared out, instead of just cramming everything into bins and moving them someplace else.

But back to guest rooms: I think it's sort of a class and generational thing. We came from a teeny little town in North Dakota, and the whole family, up until my sister, was blue-collar. So when you "went on vacation", you drove to a relative's house, and stayed there; if you didn't, it was an insult to their hospitality. It was also a financial thing. We could barely afford gas and food for the trip, never mind accomodations - even if the tiny towns had had a motel - lots of them didn't.

So now my husband and I usually vaction the same way. Fortunately, his siblings all have kids that have grown up and moved out, so there's room. But we only take a "real" vacation - hotels, sightseeing, etc - every several years. Partly because of financial reasons, but also because most of both our families live so far away, we like to see them whenever we can. Hawaii will still be there in 10 years; many of our family members won't. And I really need to get my house to a point where I can welcome the people I'd like to see.