Your Jeep is smiling!

Can you please have a chat with my mom? She's always offering unsolicited opinions and then getting peeved when others don't follow them. She has lost a few friends this way. Because everyone is fair game in her book.

And I completely understand having that special relationship with one's car. Especially a car that is paid for.

You go girl!

Does your Jeep have a name? I've named all my cars in my life. I believe they each have their own personality.

I truly understand your affection and attachment to your Jeep. I had that too once with a Chevy Lumina (Lucy) years ago. It was cheap, I could afford it (paid for in cash) and it ran great and never failed me.

I miss that car!

I love it that you keep your paid for car - me too. Even when I paid for several thousands in repairs two years ago which almost killed me it was still less expensive than a new car.

And, thanks for the great advice and not answering unasked questions. I think we are all prone to doing that, just some of us more than others.

LOVE your Jeep! I've always wanted one but couldn't afford it when I was younger. I still want one but it's not so practical for Midwestern winters. Besides, my husband gave his UNSOLICITED opinion and said I was getting a little too old to have one and that I may look a bit silly driving it. Maybe I should trade him and current car in together?!

What a great essay - thought provoking. I heard a talk show type person once say 'I never pass up a good opportunity to keep my mouth shut'. She meant that need for last word and advice waterfall I cracked up...and never forgot it. I don't manage it all the time, but it is one of my life guidelines. I am very relieved when I can let other people have their lives and not load them up with my version of the how, why, when, where, how come, what will happen etc., I feel less brittle, more connected, when I see what other people think and feel. About two years into my marriage I realized I don't know how to be a male - or a husband; that was also a relief. I would just have to be an authentic 'me' and see where we ended up.

That's It! (Me having a Charlie Brown moment)

All the comments on your blog about what to knit or how to knit or where to rent your movies, or how to water your herbs and what to make with all the zucchini. And you never even asked!

My father-in-law does it all the time. "You know what you ought to do..."

I can see how reading all the comments can get to you. But i's because we love you, and can relate to you, and want to "be your best friend", and not because we think we know you better than you do. Honest.

Your jeep looks happy!

I swear, some days I feel like we were separated at birth, even though I am older than you.

I am so printing this and referring to it daily. This is something I am trying so hard to do. I remind myself "God did not make you choir director of the world" but there are still days where I feel like He made a big mistake by not making it so.

If people would just do what *I* want them to do, it would be much easier. (sigh)

But as I get older I realize that it just ain't gonna happen and maybe (shock) I don't have all the answers.

I know. I was surprised too.

i think maybe he was trying to pay you a compliment, in a mechanic sort of way. like "you are too pretty and girly for camo, you should have something feminine to match your radiant beauty and sparkling sunshiney personality"

so sometimes unsolicited opinions can be good, you know? =D

You really should buy a real car, you know.
(I'm sorry, I couldn't resist)

I totally agree with you on the arguing. I have several PhD's in passive aggressive, obnoxious and I know better than you do arguing and they've never gotten me anywhere. Now I just smile and enjoy how the not-arguing makes me feel so much more peaceful. Om.

What are you doing on your birthday Sunday??

Oh, and we have two piece of crap but paid for cars as well. I hate car payments and I've never been impressed with expensive cars. It's just a ride, you know?

Are you sure that red is your color? Because I think olive green would be a whole lot more stylish, not to mention patriotic. You could pretend you were part of the army!

Just kidding. Really. Between the active meditation and the not answering, you're gonna have me so mellow I won't even recognize myself.

You are the wisest person in the world and that I would do very well to remember your lessons!

I can live well with less.
I can keep my mouth shut without ending the world.
I should stop once in a while and think about what life is trying to tell me.

And having lived and grown up in SoCal, including LA, your life is very familiar.

Liz -- I love that you have PhDs in those things too!!! hehehehe. Not sure yet what I'm doing on Sunday, I haven't been to a movie in 100 years so maybe I'll do that. It is 108 degrees in Encino today so maybe I will just stay inside and watch my yard melt. Tomorrow I am posting a picture of the latest summertime casualty LOL

Good on you for keeping the Jeep. $786 is one car payment for most vehicles these days (esp. the BMW or Lexus Mr. Image wanted to see you in).

Also good on you since you live in Greater LA, and I suspect it's double hard to be content with an older vehicle (pure speculation on my part).

I have a 16 year old Integra, and this year have spent $1500 on it, which many would say is absolutely insane, but when I look at how much it costs me on average month over month, it's ~ $200 a month, and that's pretty low overhead.

People lose sight of the fact that a vehicle is a depreciating asset, and that the more content one is with an older car, the better it'll be for one's wallet.

I could go on and on about that, but the bottom line is if one can be content with an older, reliable vehicle, one will save tens of thousands of dollars every 10 years (no car payments, lesser insurance payments, lesser registration costs).

I love your new stance on simplicity (if you don't mind me tagging it as such) and smarter (imo) spending.

You seem to have a very healthy relationship with stuff and money right now, and that's a place many folks never get to.

Thank you for the reminder that unless someone ASKS me something, I should keep my thoughts to myself.

I also love the quote above, 'I never pass up a good opportunity to keep my mouth shut'

Julie

PS My honda Civic has been paid off for years. I am almost up to 110K miles. Other than $500 for struts last year I have had no major repairs.

Yet again you prove you are wise beyond your years. My mother (in her 60's) just had an epiphany where she realized that people seem to be okay if they don't do the things she thinks they should be doing.

Gotta go not knit socks even though everyone tells me I'd love it.

I used to drive a cherry red Jeep Laredo and I LOVED it. No a/c, and it was a little beat up, but it was MINE. Then I got pregnant and my belly wouldn't fit behind the wheel comfortably. I still blame my daughter for having to sell the Jeep, sigh . . . :)

Bingo! A little light or three just went on for me. Too bad I didn't read this last night, it might have saved my husband some grief! (Poor guy! But I did pack his lunch for him, so he's not that badly off...lol!) If you ever decide to do a sampler or a poster or something with this, please let me know. I'll buy one for every room in the house. Or better yet, a tattoo, so I never forget!

Dear, You probably didn't need a new radiator... There is a reason "Mechanic" rhymes with "Satanic." They all lie like a rug. Was your jeep overheating? Then maybe you did need a new radiator...or maybe you needed a new thermostat for about $30....

Is this how Katie met Armondo? He saved her from a $2000 car repiar she didn't need?

Your jeep looks so happy! =) I can't wait to have my car paid off so I can join the no car payment club.

You rock with the getting rid of Mr. Car Jerky. I can picture a time in my life where I would have said, "Oh, you know, you're so right!" I second the idea that the mechanic was totally flirting with you!

Thanks for keeping me inspired on the simple living endeavors (and reminding me that just because it works for me I don't have to try to convince other people to do it, too)(or explain myself, for that matter).

A few years ago I went to visit my college roomate. We had a nice visit but on the way to the airport she decided "because she cared" to give me unsolicited advice about my job, my finances, my love life (or lack thereof), my biological clock and as many other things as she could cram into the 40 minute drive.

It really hurt my feelings because I felt she wasn't treating me as an equal. After all, I hadn't questioned any of her life choices. I haven't visited her since (or taken any of the advice).

I LOVE this post!
You are so very very wise.

What you say is all true. generally speaking. Somethings need to be argued, if they're important enough. Because silence can mean acceptance. and even if it doesn't, people will still sometimes assume your acceptance of a situation or principle because we don't speak up. for the trivial stuff (like picking out seeds or the way a puppy should be raised) by all means, be silent. But one should never be afraid to speak up for injustices, immorality, or whatever we happen to hold dear.

Oops! that almost sounded like I was arguing. LOL!

Thank you for this.

I love my car too.

It's a black 1999 Toyota Rav4-L.

For years, my dream car was a black pickup truck with a chrome rollbar. (remember the movie Back To The Future? When Marty finally gets home, and life has changed, and he goes outside and discovers his truck? That's the one!)

I got my Rav in 2002, when my car was still less than 5yrs old. I was excited to have a car that was made less than a decade before for once. Now it's 9yrs old, but I've been able to keep this car in the garage, and except for where my dad scraped the right front panel down the side of the garage, it's still got a perfect paint job. (the side of the garage has a chunk of wood taken out of it tho)

It's paid for (not by me...my dad is so cool) As long as I take my mom to whatever appointments she has to go to, and take the car to get oil changes and the occasional new clutch and brakes, my dad pays for everything for it. (this is in exchange for not actually paying me to take care of my mom during the day. Which I think is still a pretty good deal)

All the previous cars I ever had, I always thought I wanted/needed a different car. Then I got my Rav, and I'm planning on seeing how long I can drive this car before it wont go any more.

It gets almost decent gas mileage. (probably about 21 or 22mpg...my dad's Rav gets 24-26mpg, but his is an automatic)

It was a great car for transporting my late dog TinyMonsters. I really do need to get the car detailed. The back windows still have his dog snot schmeared all over them, and Tiny's been dead about 2 1/2 yrs. (ok, I'm sentimental, and havent been able to bear cleaning the inside of the back windows)

The next time the car gets an oil change, it'll be at the Lexus dealership where we bought it used...they'll clean and detail the car for me. Of course, an oil change is $40 rather than the $25 that the Toyota dealership charges, but Toyota doesnt wash my car for me. My Rav needs a little love this month.

Out of all the things my dad has ever given me, except for TinyMonsters, this car has been my favorite thing. I'm keeping it as long as I can, and maybe a little longer. It'll probably be my last car, and I'll be using public transportation once it's gone. (hopefully the city will have the bus lines out to my neighborhood by then. I dont think I could walk the 5 miles to catch the bus)

My jeep thinks your jeep looks hot!!! Now MY jeep wants a new radiator! Thanks for nothin!!:)))

Maybe next time, the mechanic can give you seatcovers instead of a car wash. And if you don't like the seat covers, you can sell them on Craig's List!

I'm learning to keep my "helpful advice" to myself. It's hard, because I'm so good at running other people's lives!

WoW! You sure spoke to me today.

Huzzah for no car payments! My little Miata is now 13 years old, and goin' strong. Folks ask why don't I buy the updated version - um, because I like THIS version? And it's been paid off for years? She's *MINE*. I've got her set up perfectly now and she treats me right.

You really are crazy-wonderful. And getting better every day! And I can so relate to the Jeep - my boyfriend totalled mine a couple years ago. We had had an 8 year (4 paid off) relationship. I still get a little teary when I see another one running down the road, and I always wonder if someone fixed up mine and sold it and that's it there next to me. Sniff....

2000 Subaru Outback wagon here. Paid for as of May (bought used in 2003). It has 86,000 miles on it, and I intend to drive it for the next five years, at least. The money I'm not spending on car payments will beef up my house down-payment fund nicely.

Running through my head lately: Opinions are like assholes--everybody has one!

Unless, of course, when it's MY opinion.

I know you occasionally get hassled via email from possibly well-meaning people who think you belong in a 12-step program...I myself *am* in a 12-step program, and I wanna let you know that a LOT of what you write about your journey of self-discovery is what I'm learning to do in Al-Anon. This entry about unsolicited advice-giving and giving up the need to be Right All the Time is one of my issues as well.

So, somehow you're managing to come to the self-helpy discovery work all on your own, without the aid of any 12-steps at all. Go, Laurie!

I love love love your car/man choice. Man like that will never stop "improving" your life. A good reference for "fleecing a car" is Dave Ramsey at daveramsey.com. He has lots of good reasons to choose a paid up car.

You go girl. I wait for your post each day and read it for lunch...and drive a 10 year old paidup girl pickup.

>But on our third date this guy told me I needed to go out and lease a new car and get rid of my Jeep. Told me how I needed to get a BMW, maybe, or a Lexus SUV.

He's a fool.

I love hearing about your Jeep, even when it is costing you money. I miss my Jeep every day that it is above zero. (When it's below zero I kiss my MomVan and thank the little gods for fully functional heat and defrost systems.)

I tend to bristle when people start a sentence with "You should..." When I butt into other peoples' business, I at least ry to be more delicate with "Have you ever considered...?"

Lurking fan coming out of Lurkistan!

So I guess we can boil this whole post into that famed Southern expression: "Mind your own beeswax!" But I'd rather read the longer and funnier version.

That's right Honey,don't piss off a good mechanic!

You should wear a flag pin in your lapel.

(I'm kidding.)

Have you seen what your husband is up to:
http://jezebel.com/5017881/david-beckhams-new-armani-ad-yes

Today you stopped me in my tracks my friend. Not just because you keep your paid off car like I do despite many men thinking we should go further into debt. You stopped me because you SPOKE TO ME. The arguing, the answering. I will try to keep my mother loving mouth shut for a few days and see how it goes. I'm pretty sure it's going to be a very good thing. Thank you.

For what it's worth, car repair bills and tires literally kicked my financial booty last year but not nearly as bad as taking on another $20,000 worth of debt for a vehicle would have.

Wow, this is advice I totally need to take!

I bought my Mazda 14 and a half years ago. That's over 9 years without a car payment!! She's not perfect, but she starts every day, stops when she's told and has NEVER left me stranded by the side of the road!
Every time my boyfriend would see my car, he would say, "You need a new hubcap!" (to replace the one not on my car!) The last time he said this, I replied, "My car does not NEED a hubcap! It needs a new bulb for the turnsignal and new tires and... etc but it will drive JUST FINE with a missing hubcap!" He never mentioned it again. :)

I love Jeeps! I always wanted one, but alas, it was not meant to be.

I have always had cars that *I* love... my very first car was a Chevy Sprint that was parked next to BMW's (at my high school, ridiculous, really!)... and seriously... I loved that little car. It got me through high school, college and most of my first job. When I see one, I still feel the love. The thing got 35MPH, had 3 cylinders and no A/C, and it was awesome! I admit that I have a 'nicer' car now... and I do love it... but it doesn't make me love the first one any less. Sorry for the ramble... I could talk about my love of cars all day.

Love that you dropped the guy rather than lots of money on a car you don't even want.

Oops... 35MPH was supposed to be MPG. :-)

Laurie- Your posts are always so timely! I am unemployed for the summer and find myself giving unsolicited advice to my husband and "arguing FOR my feelings or choices" with him, my mother, etc every day. I get myself all worked up for nothing! Enough already. I will re-read your posting every day for the next week and see if I can course- correct myself before I ruin my own summer! Thanks!

What a lovely little reminder to keep my mouth shut 99% more than I do naturally!

I love you!

It is hard to stop argueing all the time. I keep trying but my kids keep sucking me back in!

Amen to the no car payments. I plan on driving my 4-door white car until she dies 100% dead. The insurance is low and she goes where I want her to go. While she might not be the flashiest of rides, she's my ride.

Good for you for ditching the boy who didn't understand.

Jeeps are so fun. My husband and I want one "when we retire." (First we have to have the practicial family car that goes with the future kids.)

I have a very good friend from college who lives 1000 miles away. She will ask me occasionally "Are you STILL driving the Saturn?" Like she can't even comprehend that I'm driving the same car 9 years later. My car might have a few scratches here and there, but she still runs really well.

My husband's car payment will be finished next March, and his plan was that we could start looking for something new for me then. I've been fighting it this whole time. He was already salivating over what was next our our vehicle horizon....until I read a post of yours a while back about saving money to travel. I then pointed out that if my car can make it six months past his last car payment, we can save up a nice little next chunk of change for a trip to Europe :) Now he is totally on board. I plan on riding my Saturn into the ground anyway. It's like I tell my husband, "If I've got A/C and music, what more could I want?"

I was in a wreck this past Saturday, and I am THANKING MY LUCKY STARS that I drive a Jeep! That is the only thing that saved me from being injured worse than I am!

But of course, once people hear about your wreck and your injuries, here comes all the "advice" - - who to take your vehicle to (I already have a body shop man I know and trust, thanks anyway), you HAVE to got to this doctor, or that chiropractor (Well, I have a doctor I know and trust, I will check into a chiropractor if I feel it is necessary), you need a lawyer because of course you are going to SUE, aren't you (no, I am not intending to sue anyone unless they try to rip me off) - - and WHY AREN'T YOU LISTENING TO ALL OF US???? HOW DARE YOU TRUST YOUR OWN JUDGEMENT!!!

*sigh* It's TIRING, I tell ya . . .

I want to tell them all to just.leave.me.aloeg. I'm handling it. I'm fine.

Lord save us from all these well-meaning (and not so well-meaning) people. Hang in there, Laurie, and I will also.

Amen, sister! When my daughter was a teenager, I learned to stop giving her unsolicited advice only after I realized I was not the star of her story - she was. I was (and still am) a minor character in the Life of My Daughter. I can play a supporting role without trying to upstage her. And what a relief that is.

Angela, I would qualify as the "some more than others" :-P

s'okay....just like I got rid of umpteen dishes we didn't really need. I suppose I can start putting the brakes on unsolicited advice too :-)

Abby, what you just wrote was one of the coolest things I have ever read. WOW.

Smart lady. I am a bunch older than you and I am just figuring this out. My goal this summer is to shut my mouth around my kids, (18,22,25), but it is tough! Especially with the 18 year old, who is certain that I am an idiot to end all idiots. (The older kids have realized that as they have gotten older, I have gotten smarter). Instead of engaging in an argument or giving unsolicited advice (that will lead to an argument), I am trying to shut my mouth....but often I just end up biting my tongue!

The beginning of your post totally reminded me of a Gilmore Girls episode! Lorelai's jeep's engine croaked. Luke wanted her to get a different jeep, even found her a jeep--same model and year, but a different jeep. They argued about it, then Luke finally realized there was no arguing about it--she wanted HER jeep. So he paid the local mechanic to take the engine out of the different jeep and transplant it into Lorelai's jeep and voila! She still has her own jeep!

> So I got rid of the guy and it was a lot cheaper. Problem solved! <

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Love it!!!!! I, like so many other CAP readers, have loved a car to distraction. Mine was a 1991 Toyota Tercel. She was a manual, no A/C, no radio, no power anything. But she was zippy and cute like a jellybean and bright blue and she was PAID FOR. I just loved that car.
Now, I've got a 2001 Prius, dark green (to flatter my red hair), and while she's not very zippy, she gets 45 mpg and she, too, is PAID FOR! I love her, too.
Also, I wish Abby would talk to my mom.
Thanks for posting every day, CAP; it's a pleasure to read your diary.

Fantastic! "They get to win and I get to breathe." Very timely for me right now.

I tried giving 'no advice' for while when I was losing my best friend. I ended up paranoid about anything coming out of my mouth being taken as unwanted advice. I wound up doing more damage to the failing friendship than any good at all.

I think that perhaps instead of worrying so much, give and take advice casually. No one insists that you do as they say, but merely to consider their perspective. After all, everyone's favorite subject is their own selves and by listening, you acknowledge their importance to you. :)

Abby, that WAS profound! As the mother of a 15 year old daughter and 17 year old son, your advice is priceless. Thank you.

All I can say is "I love you man!!"

I used to have an old beat-up Jeep and I LOVED it for driving in NYC. You see you need what is commonly known as "balls" to compete with the cab drivers in NYC. And you gotta compete, or they won't let you get anywhere. Well, the thing is, if you're driving a beat-up looking Jeep with a bad paint job and dents and maybe some parts missing, they KNOW you're not going to be bullied by some guy no matter what language he's yelling at you in, when he'd have to explain (and probably pay for) a new dent, and you wouldn't even notice one. LOL

OK..My comment was posted as Liz R. and I assume it is her comment that was posted as me, Dani!!

Nevermind..I am lame=}

dani you're not lame, I am, I can't figure out the code to make comments and authors look more connected!

oooooh, shiny wheel stuff. I'm a bit envious of that. My put-put is looking a bit dingy right now.

Your jeep looks like she is smiling in the picture. Must be the new radiator...

Hey Laurie-
I love my Jeep too. Good choice on dumping the guy!

It's too bad that so many people get their status from their car. To each their own but I think the best car is one that is paid for and has liability insurance. Decent gas mileage too, of course.

Good for you for keeping a perfectly good PAID FOR Jeep that is way cute to boot! Why on earth should you run out an get a fleece (lease) on a BMW or Lexus. That is just plain silly.

Could you please tell me how to make others stop that insist on having to tell you the "right" way to do this and give advice on everything. I've got one person in mind and I don't know how to tell them to cut it out without hurting their feelings. I know they mean well but I'm a grown woman and if I want advice I'll ask for it!

*heart your car* it's red!!! everyone knows red cars go faster.

I always wanted a jeep - a friend in high school drove an old green and white jeep with NO amenities and I was so jealous (of course, I also didn't get a car until I could afford it at 21). I kept my first car, a very basic two-door used 1979 Subaru for 15 years and was so very sad when it just couldn't be fixed anymore. Then I bought a $200 rusted 1981 Honda CVCC whose hood flapped when you drove fast, driver's door could only be locked and unlocked from the inside, passenger's door only from the outside, and the hatchback from the inside. And I loved that car - it could park anywhere and was so reliable. After five years the driver's door wouldn't unlock at all and, not thinking of replacing the entire door, I said goodbye.
I've never understood when people say that it is no different to buy a new car because it is the same monthly payment - huh?
Now I have my first brand-new car (a year old last month) and car payments. I love my Prius a lot and it is so comfy but I do miss having a paid-off car.
I have always preferred to not argue with people EXCEPT when they clearly are assuming I agree with their bone-headed opinion. I'm learning to pick and choose those battles as well -- so they are wrong about when brussel sprouts are in season, who cares? However, if they do ask my opinion . . .

Dear Jeep,

Happy New Radiator.

Sincerely, Trash.

Reading your comments about not answering questions you haven't been asked really hit home for me. I offer my opinion way more than it is asked for. And my friends are perfectly capable people who don't need all that unsolicited advice about how or where to do things the "right way". so anyway... thanks for typing the part about the squash seeds... totally helped me out. I'm going to try and just shut up more :)

Dear Aunt Purl,
Sometimes the universe just tosses a purl of wisdom my way, and your blog was just what I needed today.
Thanks.
Chris

I think the Camo seat covers give the impression that a big, bad A$$, hunter dude is just lurking 'round the corner should anyone even *think* of messing with your car. ;-)

When someone is giving me unasked for advice, I generally just nod my head and say "Hmmm. Thanks. I'll consider that." And then forget it within 2 seconds of walking away from them.

Although I do offer up this advice, as often as possible:

Have A Nice Day!

Maybe your sewing machine would like to make some seat covers for your Jeep with your fabric finds. Then you could have seasonal covers (flowery for spring, terry cloth for the sweaty summer months, camo for fall hunting season....). :) People were always questioning my love for my pick-up truck (Harvey, may he rest in peace). Why does a 5'2" mom need a big old, beat up truck while her husband/teens drive(s) the minivan? (Their expressions were even funnier when my tiny barely 5', size 0 daughters hopped out of the driver's seat- they inherited my truck love.) Yet those same people always knew just who to call when they were moving stuff cross town or just bought a new frige or a load of dirt/pavers/compost at Home Depot and needed to borrow something to transport it in. Like my Dad always says "Free (or unsolicited) advice is generally worth the price you paid for it".

I drive a paid-for 2000 Mitsubishi Eclipse. I plan to drive it until the wheels fall off, then stick them back on and drive some more. Don't get me wrong, I lovvvve this car. But to make the ride even sweeter, it's the car that my Mr. Satan picked out for himself and I GOT THE CAR IN THE DIVORCE...

"Free advice is generally worth the price you paid for it".

OK, Tish-- If I ever take up cross-stitching again, I am making that my very first sampler!!!

Hi CAP! I was in the grocery buying cat food on the way home from work, and they played Linda Rondstadt's "Please Mister Please" on the Muzak and I thought if Linda Rondstadt had been more like CAP, the world would have been spared a really sappy song. And I also realized that I usually just read your blog these days, and have not left a friendly comment for long while.

Yay for you and the Jeep and for ditching the dumbass who thinks he can have the nerve to tell you what to do in an unsolicited way on the third date, AND suggest that you buy an expensive SUV in a bad economy so you could waste gas AND abandon all hope of Al Gore ever giving you a second glance. I mean really.

So, yay you! A repaired, well-maintained old car with decent mileage is still a better green choice than anything new that's not a hybrid or alternative fuel car. I love and maintain my dear VW Golf (diesel). It is paid for, it loves me, it has evacuated my family from hurricanes, it has served me through disasters, protected me in an accident, and I will keep on loving it back. And, I can make three round trips to New Orleans and a some general driving around town on 13 gallons of gas, average 46 MPG. Between going to my Mom's on Satudays in New Orleans and driving around town at home, I fill the tank less than twice a month.

And hi from Hurricane Alley, where I am kicking off Hurricane Season without you but you are welcome to stop by for dinner. Also? Your former gardener is still in New Orleans. You should see the bushes at my Mom's church.

Dez in Baton Rouge who is making chicken and andouille suasage gumbo for dinner tonight.

I'm still driving my first car, almost 28 years now, but it is, I must say, a fabulous car. My dad bought me a '68 Camaro convertible when I was 16 and for me, there will never be another car to take its place. Terrible gas mileage but I don't care. Unfortunately now it's too valuable & desirable to drive it everywhere I used to as a teenager, and I never put the top down because it's a huge inconvenience. And it's too hot to drive it in the summer....still, that's my baby and I wouldn't trade it for anything else, except maybe a GTO.

I've gotten really good at keeping my mouth shut when my daughter calls me, unless she specifically asks for my opinion.

It's not easy, but it can be done.

Great post, Laurie.
.

Hi Laurie & thanks for an amazing post.

My SO just bought a 2009 Subaru Forester for me to drive...that's wonderful becuz it tops all crash tests, etc. and it's really pretty; but, what he wasn't listening to was (& I don't want to seem ungrateful here)...I LOVED my Mazda 626 turbo, l988, with sunroof...when I took it to a dealership in 1998 and asked them to put a new transmission in it; they, told me it was rusted through and they didn't know how I got it to them...I said, maybe they didn't understand; but, I would buy a new engine too (it was old...and, of course, I loved it more than life itself!)..they said they couldn't take my $$ (this was in IN. right across from Louisville, KY)
or I would sue them.

I spent all day looking for another car...it boiled down to a Honda Accord (with a sunroof...my only wish) or a Mercedes (with sun roof)...as all my friends were at work (before cell phones were popular), I asked my insurance agent, who advised me to take to Mercedes (all thing considered)...perhaps to this day, they tell the story of the woman who drove away in a Mercedes crying...I would love to have that Mazada, or it's cousin as my own.

When my Mazda Tubro was a baby, I drove it to the Buckingham Fountain in Chicago (I lived there then) at 5am when the sun was coming up, just so I could take a photo of it...like a glam shot....my ex drove it once and said "this is too much too car for you"...that just verified that it was a winner, although at that point I loved it like a child.

Keep the car you love...it's "you"

I love your evolvement!!!!

Laurie, you are so awesome!

Had to chime in. I have a '94 Honda Civic with dings and dents all over it. It makes the other Massachusetts drivers scared (hee). When somebody (and it's usually an SUV driver) tells me, "Isn't it about time you got a new car?" I tell the the god's honest truth, "But I get 40 mpg on the highway." Then they look sad or tell me how they spent hundreds of dollars on gas last week.

My own mechanics who majorly UNDERcharged me for a big repair last year told me I could reasonably drive Honda another 5 years if it doesn't rust out. That's exactly what I intend to do. A car is the biggest investment any of us will make that is absolutely guaranteed to lose value.

I just love your work. I relate to so much that you write about. I've been down on myself in past, and survived, as have you. I often have something to say, getting less as i get older. Ironic really, as my Dad loves to give his opinion, you should do this, you should see this film, you should read this book. Drives me nuts, so i am hyper-aware of not doing it myself. I live in Australia and your words and experience transcend culture, time zones and geography. Each morning when i get to work, after i turn on my computer, i open your blog. That is how my day starts, and i couldn't think of a better way for it to begin. Thank you again for you words and insight.

Rather than arguing about anything lets imagine how much fuel could be available if cars could run on zucchini!

I too am sick to death of friends and family telling me:what my voicemail greeting should say (I change it seasonally and add a short inspirational quote, while theirs sound as though their phones are being answered by a dead automaton),how I should dress(since I live in Miami,I'm supposed to wear tacky shorts,tight low rise jeans and flip flops as opposed to the casually elegant,natural fiber black and jewel toned clothes and low/flat heels which have been my urban professional/artist style for decades),
how to treat my lover (a hardworking man who has always been there for me and has been my best friend for 23 years, despite our being as different as night and day)ad infinitum...
I am 48 years old!

Lately I realized that the reason they keep yapping away is that I have never said: "Look,while I realize that your intentions are noble,I respect you,your personal style and the fact that you are an adult - please do the same for me." I plan on having this talk with them very soon,in a loving,firm and patient manner...

My friend was in a bad relationship--not "getting beat up" bad, but, disrespectful bad. So I told her..."you should dump 'em--they're so mean to you!"

And my friend didn't talk to me for a year. This is how I learned not to offer unsolicited advice.

Now, she is coming to her own conclusion. It wasn't that I was wrong about the relationship, but sometimes, giving your opinion, offering that advice, might make that person do the opposite--nobody likes to feel stupid, after all. By telling her that she needed to get out of that relationship, I was basically insulting her for getting into it in the first place.

We're BFF's again. She doesn't ever mention the advice I gave her, and neither do I. She's going through that break-up and it sucks. I'm careful not to criticize. Perhaps years from now, when she is over the relationship, and has survived it, we talk about it for a minute or two over a glass of wine.

Oh, and before I moved, I had a mechanic that looked like Mark Wahlberg and liked to do extra stuff for me, then casually say "it was nothing". Now, I live in Alabama, and have a mechanic that talks like Boomhauer from King of the Hill and looks like he may be an Elvis impersonator in his spare time. When I walk in the office at the shop, he puts his hands on his hips and says, "And what is your problem today little lady?"

We're warming up to each other.

Sometimes when my daughters were teenagers, I'd need to give them advice. I realized they didn't want it nor was it likely that they needed it, but my momma heart had to say something for whatever reason. I stumbled onto a tactic that worked great, probably because they could tell I meant it. I'd start out with, "You don't need to hear this, but I need to say it..." It gave them permission to just listen to me and then know they got to make their own choices. And sometimes they even followed my advice, but not always, and that was truly fine.

BTW, I noted not one bit of angst over the payment. You were 100% matter of fact which is so symptomatic of you having a healthy relationship with your finances. Congratulations!

It's so great to hear about so many others who are attached to their cars. I've endured indulgent chuckles from friends about my "un-natural attachment to my cars".

The evil ex bought me a brand new 99 Audi A4 when we were married. He picked out the color - a gold I hated, but he wouldn't 'allow' me to have the black I really wanted.

Obviously, that marriage ended - but I got to keep the paid-off car and I fell in deep, deep love with it. 3 years in, some little punk gunned through a stop sign and plowed into my driver side door. Took the front end off his car, but I walked away - no medical attention. I was, however, hysterical about the damage done to my car. The firemen all got a kick out of me insisting "I'm FINE! But look at my CAR!! I'll heal, she won't!"

I insisted on having the car fixed. Luckily my insurance agreed and although it took six months to rebuild it, I got my baby back on Valentine's Day :) And I drove it for another 5 years. Happily. With out any problems that couldn't be tied back to the accident (never have a Ford body shop rebuild a german car).

When it finally gave up, I bought another one. I found a used one that was BLACK! and I swore I'd drive it until they buried me in it. But then I met my boyfriend and moved to Australia. I can honestly tell you I sold everything I owned, said goodbye to family, friends and job, but it wasn't until I had to turn over the key to my baby that I cried and cried.

Sadly, the cost of Audi's in Oz is astronomical, but my partner did his best and bought me a very cute VW Jetta (it's black - this boyfriend is a keeper) and my new car and I have high hopes of a long and lasting relationship.

You're so right about the unsolicited advice. That's where I get myself into trouble and that's where other people get into trouble with me.

For reasons lost in the mists of time, when our boys were little they called us by our first names. For ... I guess ten years, at least, we were "Mary and Richard," not "Mom and Dad."

One day in the grocery store a woman in front of us in line turned to me and said "You shouldn't let them call you by your first name. It's disrespectful."

I looked at her in fake surprise and said "Oh, I'm sorry -- did I accidentally ask you your opinion? If so, please accept my apology, because I didn't mean to."

She looked at me in SHOCK, then turned around and went back to unloading her groceries. I laughed for a week!

Now you've got me wondering whether I'm taking my own advice, here these many years later. I'm going to pay close attention and see!

You are sooo right on this. I know that I would be much happier on many levels if I just kept my mouth shut. I'll be watching myself now......Thanks for the advice!
Sara

I haven't read all the comments so maybe this has already been said but I think its so weird that there's this conception that your car must be upgraded so as to show off your status as an "adult" or as "successful"! My relatives have traded in their cars regularly and over-invested themselves (financially as well as identity-wise) in having the newest, shiniest, status symbols around. The idea that your Jeep doesn't advertise the right message is clearly an indicator that your date failed to appreciate who you are (and will continue to be). I've driven a Volvo for years now and completely feel that it advertises me just the way I want. I love seeing other volvo drivers on the road and feeling like we're part of a club of enthusiasts that will hold onto our 20-30+ yr. old cars till they die!

Also, you rock and I love your blog! I very much hope to take your observations about arguing/unsolicited opining and run with it in my own life!!!

I ♥ my Jeep ('03 Rubicon)! Bought and paid for, too.

"It's a Jeep thing!"

Sounds like how I got talked into a $60 detail job at the car wash today. Oh well. The car is nice and shiny and smells nice.

And never before have I ever received SO MUCH unsolicited advice than when I became pregnant. Ugh! I'm kind of getting sick of it. And where in the heck do people get off telling you they don't like the name you picked out? WTH?

I have just found your blog (through your picture with the Yarn Harlot) and I just love you. You are clever,funny and most entertaining. You are the first blog I read at breakfast,can't wait for tomorrow. Lorraine

Laurie, how long have you had your Jeep that it is on its 3rd radiator? Seriously, something doesn't sound right.

It's funny - I came to roughly the same conclusion a few years ago (about not needing to tell people answers to questions they didn't ask), but I feel like I've gone too far and don't speak up now when I really should. I get too wrapped up in figuring out what's the perfect thing to do/say and end up doing/saying nothing at all. I wish I could take some of the argumentative skills you are looking to discard.

On a more chipper note, I am happy to see the word "tumps" in a blog. Do you say "fixin' to" as well? :-)

I dated a guy once, before getting married, who did some work with me on my house. Because of that he thought he could give me unsolicited advice about what to do with other things with the house and my life. My sister told me to never let a man you aren't living with or married to do work around your house. That it gives them a sense of control. I think she was right. I decided not to date him any longer, anyway, after seeing him secretly look at his watch during a nice dinner I had repaired. Why? Because he wanted to watch one of those live police shows where they tape arrests and chases--and it was a rerun. Anyway, good idea not dating the guy with all of his advice about your life and your car.

You hit the nail on the head when you talk about folks giving their unsolicited advice and opinions. My best friends hair was down to her knees and needed a trim, but wouldn't because of the husband. But she felt my fingernails were too long and she said if she cut her hair I should cut my nails, her hair wasn't bothering me so I don't see why my nails are bothering her? I didnt ask and never have asked people for their advice or opinions. Good for you! Let it roll off your back like water off a duck!

What I love is how many people tell my husband and I that we should have kids. Neighbors. Freelancers in my employ. People I just met at parties. Our parents? They keep quiet. The landlord? Not so much. I just let it slide, no need to get in a snit about it. I'm just glad I don't have infertility issues or desperately want kids...dudes, keep your opinions to yourself.

Oh my, did I see myself in this post. Answering those unasked questions, being full of myself. Thank you. I will now try to stop and think before offering my oh-so-expert opinion to people. And it will be hard. Sigh.

Thanks for helping me remember the two things I need to continually work on - listening rather than instructing and smiling rather than arguing. I always feel better when I keep my mouth shut but I have such a hard time remembering that. Thank goodness I have a new day to work on that every 24 hours!

Girl...you are right on these days, I am enjoying your writes because they make so much sense. Keep it up, I need a reality check at least once a day.

Did you tell Big Red to say cheese? I'm with you on paid-for beat-up vehicles; my 19 year old truck has 222,000+ miles on it and we rattle together to the carpool every day. Yay us!

Laurie...once again, your writing spoke directly to me. (How do you do that out there in California when I'm all the way over here in Maryland?? Spooky, I tell you!) You gave eloquent voice to thoughts I've had for a long time. I also loathe receiving unsolicited advice and have had to work on not giving it out myself.

Here's what helps me: After a lot of thought, I've decided that I really don't care what other people do as long as they aren't hurting/adversely affecting me or anyone else. So the question is: "How will it affect me (or anyone else) if this person chooses to learn to skydive/dye their hair purple/wear gold sequined stretch pants to the supermarket?" Frankly, as long as they are not forcing their athletic or style choices on anyone who doesn't want to participate, WHO CARES? I've found that this approach has given me a lot more time to work on ME and what I want, and I am now free to leave people's personal choices to themselves.

Thank you for your pep talk on keeping mouth shut.
This is particularly difficult for people who have
a clever way with words, whose wit is often/sometimes entertaining, and who enjoy making others laugh. So I am applying your "tutorial" to not only my frequent desire to
argue, but also to give unrequested advice, information, etc. Those few times I have remembered and been able to keep mouth zipped, the words almost burned my tongue, but the sensation passed, and in a very short time, I forgot about it. And thus we will, eventually,
evolve into better people who leave in our path
serenity and tranquility. Thanks again for the pep talk. I needed that.

My Suburban is 6 years old (paid off!) and has 119k miles, and I have no intention of getting rid of it until it dies! Gas for it is still cheaper than a car payment, gas and more insurance.

And my 46 yr old husband just got a Jeep Wrangler Rubicon. It's his dream car and he loves it. He had his previous truck for 15 years, so I think he waited long enough for it. He intends for this to be his last vehicle for a long time also.

When we were talking about buying it, my mom wanted to know why, since he was TOO OLD to have a jeep. Guess she's never met my boy-in-a-man-body husband!

I'm thinking I'd have been tempted to tell the mechanic that I thought the seatcovers came with the oil change like the new radiator did. Seems like $786 and change should have covered it!

REAL MENS LOVES JEEPS.
Real mens loves womens in JEEPS.
How your Jeep goes through radiators is totally beyond me.
Laurie rocks.
ROCK ON PURL. ROCK ON.

My '94 Ford Explorer is old, slightly beat-up, and doesn't have the best gas mileage, but... IT'S PAID FOR! I actually paid cash for my baby a couple of years ago. I figure that what I save on a car payment, insurance premiums, excise tax, etc. I'm still coming out ahead, and after actually being in a car accident a year and a half ago, well, I fell much better driving my kids around in this rather than the tiny car I had before. :-) I love my car, and I CRINGE every time my husband takes it on a camping trip with they guys. I don't even want to KNOW what my baby goes through driving through the woods!

Oh, please. Even if you HAD asked that guy's opinion, I would have dumped him just on the general principle of him wanting you to get a BMW or Lexus! Yuck!

(And that's my unsolicited opinion du jour!)

Thank you thank you thank you!! Loved reading your post and I think I will forward it to some of my friends. Your non-argumentative attitude is one I need to develop myself. thanks again!! :)

I am in constant practice of what you say (not always successfully). Thank you. My mom does it often but due to her sweet and kind soul and the fact that she's 92 - I just nod lovingly.
I am a social worker and I can't begin to tell you how sick I can get of just hearing my own voice.
Silence speaks volumes....

I am in constant practice of what you say (not always successfully). Thank you. My mom does it often but due to her sweet and kind soul and the fact that she's 92 - I just nod lovingly.
I am a social worker and I can't begin to tell you how sick I can get of just hearing my own voice.
Silence speaks volumes....

I was on vacation for the past 10 days and am catching up on your blog. Just wanted to let you know that reading your blog is like catching up with a friend. I love your writing and thoughts about life and I guess I just want to say thanks for being FABULOUS! Is that cheesy?

Thank you for the reminder. I constantly do the same too, and often have to stop myself and hold my tongue. I have a cousin who does the same (but in a snappier way) and annoyed me so much that I realise I have to stop before I lose a friend.
And your jeep is way cooler than a BMW.

The bright side is that now you will be getting better gas mileage with your new filters and spark plugs:) My car does not have AC either, I don't mind but my boyfriend complains everytime we get in my car.

You could have shut Mr.Mechanic's mouth if you just looked at him with those big blues and said in an ever so sweet Southern voice "But the camo hides the blood of deer and ex-boyfriends so well."

My husband drives a Jeep Rubicon and it's his dream vehicle. We had a CJ7 back when we were young and then when the 2nd child came we had to sell it to buy something perfectly sensible and boring. So you could say he's recapturing his youth!!

Your thoughts on advice have given me something to ponder. It seems like not an hour that someone comes by my desk to either complain about workplace dynamics or co-workers and sometimes I do offer advice and now I'm not sure if I should. I even took a course at work called PPI, Positive Power and Advice which is really a sneaky way to get people to do what you want. I suspect that maybe people just find me a good person to unload to and of course we all need to do this sometimes. Maybe if I gave out advice I might get less people confiding in me and that would be good...hmmmmm

Loved the blog...

Thank you for opening my Eyes to the self that is me!!!!!

My Car seems to have magical mystery repairs too! Oil and filter change turns into $2000 in repairs. Bad fairies maybe? Gremlins? Something magical fer sure.
I am glad you kick opinionated guy to the curb. He didn't deserve the wonderfulness that is You and heaven know you don't get between a girl and her PAID FOR ride!!!

love your wisdoms and insights !

you are so totally right. best to get rid of the dude. you are a grownup, and are aware that there are such things as bmw's and lexus suv's available on this, our earth, for anyone to purchase who is of a mind to do so. were you of a mind to do so, you would have done so. all without him, and everything.

on the bright side, the dude probably would have said the same thing if you were a dude. right? dare i hope?

I have an 87 Chevy Celebrity that still runs just fine, has all its necessary parts, and no rips in the interior. I know it's 21 years old and kinda out of date (embarrassingly so), but it's PAID FOR and I just can't see throwing it away. Especially not to sign up for years of car payments. I'm with you on this: having no car payments feels so great every month.

Now if I could just have no student loan payments....

I know I'm late in the day to post a comment here, but what a great post! I have a paid for '98 Ford Escort - paid for in cash. I wanted a pick up truck but couldn't find one in my price range. So my Escort became my pickup. The back seat is uninhabitable by humans due to brick dust and dog hair and and spilled soda, but that car runs and runs and runs.

I used to have a 1945 Willy (the precursor to Jeep) when I was living in Cambodia. I loved that Willy despite the fact that it had a large hole rusted straight through the floor and mud would splash in, and it had tires made from solid rubber (no need to put air in) which gave it quite a bumpy ride. Then the idiot I was dating decided he knew more about cars than me and decided to give it a tune up and ended up putting brake fluid where you should put the oil and vice a versa. Ruined that Willy. What a sad day and that was the end of the idiot boyfriend. :)

Ah yes, the "J" word. They are great vehicles - I have a Commanche. It seems whenever repairs are needed, they need special parts or special tools.

On the opinion-giving: People know it's your opinion and are taking it as such. They know they don't have to take your advice - I'm sure you're not that pushy! Did you ever stop to think that people hang with you because they like you the way they are? What I mean is that your unsolicited opinion is the desired result. I always dispense advice and I used to feel bad... Until I realized that when my friends don't want my opinion or advice they just say so... If there's no disclaimer, they are usually expecting it of me.

This was an amazing post. Such great food for thought. I am going to be more conscious of this in my own life, as I'm sure I often give out unsolicited advice. As for you, I think you should...hahahahaha! Just kidding.

Laurie, I am old enough to be your Mom. I work in an environment of 800 people. I have learned to say, "I guess we don't share the same opinion." Most people accept that. There are a few who will try to continue an argument in which I refuse to participate.

Isn't passive resistance a wonderful thing?

I always think that if something will not matter five years hence, it's not worth debating now.

You are wise beyond your years.