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May 21, 2008

Wednesday and that's it.

1) Blob
Bob found my post-it note highlighter pen, probably my most prized posession, and during the day while I was away earning money for his Meow Mix, he removed each little post-it flag. How do I know it was him? He still had four of them stuck to his body when I got home.

2) He must take after me -- as I am clearly a genius
Yesterday someone sent me a really great notice looking for freelance writers for a project that sounded right up my everloving comma splicing alley. Lord knows I don't sleep and could fill that time writing anonymously about Who Knows What. So I jotted off a quick note to them -- pick me! pick me! -- and later I saw that my email about a freelance writing gig contained a typo. I ROCK.

Maybe later I will volunteer as an alcohol counselor... can we hold sessions at a bar? No? Or perhaps I will send out my next book proposal on my Elvis bubblejet printer stationary. That would show people how COOL and PUBLISHY I am.

3) The copy machine ate my memo
One of the things I enjoy most about This Corporation is how awesome people are, they're generally very nice. I like all the people I work with, and that has never happened in all of history.

Yesterday one of my coworkers and I were chitchatting and she asked, "Do you need a flat iron to get your hair that straight?"

"No," I said. "It's just this dismal naturally."

"Oh, it's not bad," she said. What did I tell you? People here are nice! "It's just that, wow. Your hair is really straight," she said.

And I just knew she must be thinking what torture it was for me to try to be cute in the 1980s, what with my freakishly straight hair and all. So pre-emptively, I said, "Yeah, it was really hard in the hair days of the 80s!"

And she just looked at me, kind of blankly. Nary a gleam of Rave #4 recognition flickered in her pretty brown eyes.

Then I realized she was TOO FREAKING YOUNG to have known the big hair salad days of the 1980s.

I took a mental Geritol and walked away.

4) My new brother is cuter than all of us other kids combined

Tomorrow I have a dentist appointment that will last approximately 19 hours, none of them involving anesthesia or a tequila drip. I like my dentist but I do hate visiting him. So I will be off getting tortured and then later, recovering, and then later "Trying to get a life over the weekend."

In lieu of other exciting things I might post, such as the time I watched paint dry, I will instead leave you with images of the Cutest Thing Ever. In fact, I have already booked my ticket for a plane ride back to see my folks this summer, except I am going to need a much roomier carry-on bag because my little furry friend won't fit neatly inside my current handbag without my parents noticing I am dognapping. Of course I could always get out my giant black patent handbag, Lord knows he'd fit in there. It is roomy.

What I am saying to you here is that all other members of my family have just fallen way down on the list of People Who Matter because of this guy:


Oh God. The Cuteness.

It makes me want a puppy so bad but I'm never home enough and the cats would be all mad about it and it's too hot in the Valley for a dog to stay out in my yard all day while I bask in the cool Arctic office air. SO I am living vicariously through my parents. They read all their Welsh Corgi books ahead of time and studied the dog training manuals and then practiced dog whispering or whatever, with a cocktail I assume, and so on until they were PREPARED for the interloper. And then they picked him up last Saturday and within about two and a half minutes this little five-pound rolypoly of a puppy was declared the pack leader and he now rules the entire family and they do his bidding and bring him fresh water when his bowl is getting tepid.

As it should be.


And my parents did finally pick a name for him, he is called "Chivas" after the brand of Scotch they like. It's ... a Regal name. And people wonder where I get my drinking humor from!! APPLE: NOT FALLING FAR FROM TREE.

But right now I think they just call him "Awwwwyou'resodamncute!" He's the new favorite member of the family, and they have already declared he is the smartest dog that ever lived. They are very objective.

Have a great rest of the week. Watch for falling typos.


Posted by laurie at May 21, 2008 8:57 AM