I'm still hoping you'll come to Atlanta some day.....

And I am hoping you will come to the Washington, DC area someday. I hear our traffic is almost as bad as yours in L.A.! I am a fellow bus-commuter, so I can sympathize there too. Anyway! If you do make a trip to DC, I'll be first in the book-signing line!

Oh hey, I'm going to be there on Friday! I'll try to stop by and say hello, though I've already got a signed copy of your book. ;) Instead we can plot Sekrit Knitting Divorced Art Director plots.

Isn't the world so much easier to deal with when you realize 99% of the time no one notices the things you as an individual are worried about?!?

I second what Kate said and add that most other people are worried about their OWN flop-sweat, not anyone else's! Have fun this year, CAP, with the only tears coming from laughter.

I have never wanted to be a Los Angelan more than this moment! Plus, I realize you probably have a way cooler knickname than 'Los Angelean' that I don't know. Still wish I could come.

See yuns Saturday!

And congrats on Expo #2!!

Hey Laurie! I will be there for business and would love to stop by while you are signing. Also, is there an In-and-Out burger nearby the Staples CEnter? Thanks!

"publishing is drunk most of the time and very self-involved and not paying any attention to me at all"

hahaha!

Your observations on publishing are hilarious. :)

I'll be there! I'll stop by and say "hey!"

Good luck! You'll be the belle of the BEA for sure.

I third what Kate says, and Laurie, I REFUSE to believe that last year's BEA was really all that bad at all. I bet you won over a bunch of people without knowing it the way you have won over all of us.

suetreiber: Los Angelenos. (Los Angelinos? I just know it's pronounced that way.)

And I'm so far from LA! -sniffles-
I'll be in line right beside Margaret when you visit the DC area.

Very funny post - I laughed out loud (not LOL, but ACTUALLY aloud) and I work in a cubicle and people heard me and wondered.... Sounds like you have gotten over your fear of Publishing and now Publishing is your friend and drinking buddy! Good for you :) have fun!!

Laurie, I know you like the self helpy stuff so I wonder if you've read "Helping Me Help Myself" by Beth Lisick.

It's right up your alley, an entertaining read, and includes a Jack Canfield moment!

When you say beta-blockers, are you referring to Inderal? Because that stuff is magic. I know PhD candidates who were only able to get through their oral presentations with its help.

I saw you at BEA in NYC last year and if you were terribly nervous, you really didn't show it. You were quite delightful in fact, and it was fun to meet your folks, who were all lovely. And Faith was wonderful as well (clearly a great friend to have!)

I actually will be in LA that weekend.....what a hoot!

~~audible sigh~~
still nothing in Pittsburgh, PA.
C'mon...........I'll take to Primanti Bros for the bestest sandwich that will ever pass your lips.

Good luck and knock 'em dead.
well, not too dead.

love from me and my cats

Sweet Freedom!! Funny how those prisons we construct for ourselves turn out to be made of wet paper towel!

AWWWW. . . it was fun times last year! Remember?
http://snitnknit.blogspot.com/2007/06/books-and-knitting-divas.html

Don't forget your blotting papers!

So the beta blockers really work, huh? I used to be a violin major when I first went to college, but part of the reason I switched majors was because I had such bad performance anxiety.
Now, I do karaoke all the time using beer as my beta-blocker.

Silly Bevvy. You're so coming to Boston. All right, *then* you can go to Atlanta.

I am massively dumb. "Ends with a proposition" = my kind of pun. Did I get it the first six times I read it? Um, no. But hey, I'm still a winner! Thank you, Laurie! Thank you, Goddess of Randomness!

yey!!! I will so be there!
I can't wait to see you again (met you at Faith's When Debbie Brisson was out her. Let's have cocktails!

Stef
http://sweatersurgery.blogspot.com/
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(='.'=) This is Bunny. Copy and paste Bunny into your
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Yes-- Beta Blockers do absolutely work. I am not a person who is good in public, social situations and I have a really intense physiological response, total "fight or flight" response (flight always wins LOL). It's not just nervous butterflies, it's profuse sweating (no, industrial strength antiperspirant doesn't touch it, it's an abnormal response) plus trembling, shaking, heart palpitations, etc. Makes me an awesome speaker! You feel like I'm about to cry and/or have a heart attack just watching me (which is what happened in NYC).

I'm better than some at keeping a nice public face going, but I freely admit I am an introvert and I have issues even in large crowds, confined spaces, and so on, so couple that with my fear of public speaking and it's bad. My first media coach didn't really get it, my second media coach got it right away. She helped me a lot -- she was the one who suggested Q&A during the book signing events since I was more comfortable one-on-one and that way I could focus on one person to the exclusion of the crowd and it worked pretty well.

It was actually another author at BEA that initially told me such a thing as Beta Blockers exist. He was in the green room with me before the speaking event and I was trying to calm down and Faith was off procuring wine for me and I was sitting there, alone, trembling and sweating like that scene in Broadcast News where Albert Brooks is raining sweat.

So anyway, this other author -- I think he was scared I was about to pass out and die or something -- asked if I was OK and I explained my public speaking issues and he was some kind of therapist (thank you God) and started talking to me all soothing-like and said his partner has the same problem and she takes something called Beta Blockers.

I promptly forgot all about it until after BEA, when I realized I could not go on a book tour without ending up in a psych ward, so I went to my doctor and explained the issue and he ended up prescribing ... yup, Beta Blockers. We tried different levels of Beta Blockers/Xanax for a few weeks to get the dosage right and then I went on tour, and frankly that is how I survived the book tour. That and a few well-timed private breakdowns.

With all respect to the commenters above -- I am not one who can easily switch from phobia/fear into breezy easy happy acceptance. As far as a "prison constructed for myself" this one is not something I can just be like, "Oh hi, I wrote a book, now I rock in crowds!" Not by a long shot. It's physiological and only people with phobias seem to really understand the impact. I have to work at social things, every time. I wouldn't say it's gotten easy -- I am dreading BEA this time just like I did last time -- but I still have to go and it is a little easier but not EASY. I just have somewhat better tools now, and each time I start to feel panic rising inside me I focus on positive things: seeing my publicist Kim, who I love. That Faith and Allison will be there with me this year. That many authors would love to attend BEA and I am blessed to be able to go. FREE books! Meeting lovely people who may have enjoyed the book, saying hi to friends I don't see often. When you focus on those things, it's not so scary.

And of course I will have my beta blockers.

You do not want to confuse me for a doctor -- I worked with my doctor to find a solution that works for me to address my specific problem. But beta-blockers don't make you "feel good" ... it's not like that. It's like how antibiotics fight the infection but they don't make you feel high or zenned out like say Valium or something. And they screw with your metabolism, making it slower, so you need to be very careful and work with your doctor to see what's right for you. It happened to work for me, but that's all I can speak to.

Also -- I'm not normally that open here online about medication and that sort of thing because I am sensitive to the amount of helpful advice people like to share ("You might die like Heath Ledger did!" etc. which is an actual comment someone left me once after I said I was making a theraflu cocktail for my cold.)

But in this case I think it's important for people to understand you don't just go from being a hermit afraid of crowds to this awesome public speaker with no work or help. Not that I am awesome, AS IF!!!!!! but I'm just using that as an example.

I think when someone finds something that works it's good to share honestly so it might help others. Or it might not, but it's what I do to help me in this area.

Hey there, I saw your book on one of the "Featured" shelving areas at Borders yesterday!! True story! (I think it might have been "summer reading".)

Laurie, I'm commenting again, sorry.

1) Thanks for your description of what you felt like without beta blockers. That sounds just like my panic attacks (definitely the fight or flight) and I already have an appt to talk to my doc about them. I'm glad to know there is something that addresses them.

2) Phobias; I'm afraid of spiders. I know that sounds silly, like eek spiders, but really, I have a phobia. I can't sleep sometimes worrying about whether a spider is going to crawl on me. So this weekend I was looking for books about the panic and the phobias. I found a book called something like "Cure your own phobias" and I picked up. Then I dropped it, fast. Because it had a photo of a black widow spider on the cover. AS IF someone with a real spider phobia could even look at that book, much less hold it.

So in a round about way, I agree that publishing must be drunk if they thought that cover would sell their books. (At least to anachrophobes.)

RB- oh man, my mom has a snake phobia and she can't even look at a snake in a picture either! I totally understand -- why'd they pick *that* cover???

I hope you and your doc find a good solution that works for you. This has helped me a lot because I know I can make it through without the scary heart palpitations, which used to add to my fear, you know? This way I just have to work on my mental issues (hah) without the scary and often overwhelming physical issues taking up all my energy. Ever try to repress a hot flash? Yeah. LOL, that's what it feels like!

Laurie, it is very brave of you to:
a. Tell us all about your fear, and
b. Go to BEA this year anyway.

I have a sister who works in publishing and she says all her authors are crazy AND rude. She'd love you - you have that Southern politeness thing going, right? And you're fun.

I'm going to be there too! See you there!

You ever get fired from White Guys With Ties, I'll hire you! Of course, you'll have to move to Chicago, but at least we have a wool lovin' winter season here.

Would people expect you to apologize if you took insulin for diabetes? Then they have no reason to criticize decisions made between you and your dr. Without my antidepressants I am not much fun to be around, and I don't apologize for it. If it makes me better, it's good.
(But on the 405 with no Thomas Guide? That's just evil!)
You'll rock the place!

k---I totally want to make the 1.5 hour drive just to take the opportunity to meet you in person...but I would be really nervous and sweaty and all...just like you. Won't that be lovely...the pair of us causing flooding from the sweat run-off. I'll talk to the husband and see if there is anything he wants to do in LA with the child so that I can crash the BEA and freak out a little bit. I'll bring along my already signed copy for yet another signature, an "in person" signature.

Laurie -

Again with the brave, and helping people!

I think it's great that you can confide that you need help from beta blockers to deal with social situations. I'm of the opinion that people don't take too many drugs; I think that NOT ENOUGH people take the right KIND of drugs!

I know that sounds sarcastic, but I'm totally serious. Even in this day and age, so many people in our society attach such a stigma to taking medications for "mental problems", most of which are physiologically based. I have taken antidepressants for years, but rarely tell people about it. Even working in a hospital, with coworkers who should absolutely know better, there's a stigma attached. But some people don't produce enough insulin, and become diabetic. I don't produce enough serotonin, and tend to cry in the bathroom without my prescription. You produce too much - adrenalin, I think? - sorry, don't know much about soc. anx.

And like your Rx, it's not a "happy-feel-good" thing. It's more not feeling like each and every day of my life, I have the worst PMS in history (this is mild, but chronic, persistent depression). When I neglect my dosage, and start crying at phone company commercials, I know it's time to quit messing around, and get back on them.

But like I said, better meds could make a better world. Personally, I think every grey-haired suburban male who HAS to have a case full of high-powered rifles should be sent away with a 6-week supply of Viagra, and told to come back then for the gun, if he still wants it. And the thousands of people with Post-Traumatic Stress, who have been "toughing it out" since 9/11, converting their fear and anxiety to xenophobic rage, binge drinking, or physical violence - they'd definitely benefit from meds and therapy. Unfortunately, they live in constant denial of such "weakness" - their word for normal human reaction to a devastating, world-changing event.

Anyway, enough of my rambling. The point is, you're strong, and brave, and a kickass writer - have a great time. And thanks for the help you may have provided today, by pointing someone to medication that may change (his)/her life for the better!

I admire you for speaking the truth about your anxiety, and what worked for you. I don't know why people judge others, by their honesty. I think any person can be that honest they deserve admiration and respect, not judgement. I wish I could be in LA for your book signing, but maybe some day you can come to Idaho. I will be the lady covered in cat hair, with the most read book for you to sign.

I was on Prozac for 10 months after my divorce, and it helped a lot. Didn't make me all instantly "happy," but it did stop the crying jags and allowed me to function.

Whatever works for ya, works! Congratulations and hugs to you!

Frank and I thought you were absolutely charming at your last booksigning and your speaking voice is lovely, so there!

But only, you're such a treat, and you know? Medications are valid and make the difference between not only able to do book stuff like that and not, but continuing to live a healthy life for onesself and those who love one - &c &c &c. I can tell you, speaking only from inside o' my own personal head, you're a personal gift and there aren't many things I like as much as my daily dose of CAP and also seeing you was like I got the Best Day of the Year award which I did. And speaking for all of US (waving my hand around to indicate the crowd of gazillions standing around me here nodding like so many little bobble people) we cherish having the chance to see you and would be sad if that gave you pain and are therefore delighted that there is SOMETHING that can make it better. Also it might be that most people don't have phobias, but if you ever DON'T, LISSEN TO ME PEOPLE: there's no greater pain, terror, illness, and when you find something to relieve it, it's like you get one of those new lease on life thingies only they don't even raise the rent. (Used to be I'd throw up *when I picked up the phone to make an appointment with the dentist*, and I am so not making that up.) I have managed to dispel that fear forever but only I'm here to tell you that 63 years of that kind of thing is a sad and ugly thing. To all those scientists who have perfected beta blockers, to those thoughtful physicians (yours anyway) who recognize and thoughtfully prescribe them, I say "MAZEL TOV" because you've given US our CAP. OK now I'll shut up and go have a cup of tea and polish up my beloved dentures. (Yes, there're those say that's extreme but I am thinking of forming a "BOY DO I LOVE MY FALSIFIED CHOPPERS" club right here. Sorry for going on an on an on but I love you and am happied that you can do this thing more easily on account of I'm selfish and would've been bummed to the max if things had conspired to keep you from visiting me personally....among all those other lucky folks that time at the Mall of America which, by the way, I wouldn't go to except on account of you were there it was worth it.

Seeing as how next week will be my first BEA (thank goodness I read this and know to call it by intials and not the full name) I feel comforted after reading your blog post. Thanks from one Southern girl to another. Hopefully our paths will cross next week. I'll be in the F&W booth!

Good luck at the BEA, Laurie. I hope that one day you'll become so desensitized to events like the BEA that you'll be singing it's praises!

- Pam

Isn't it great to be an "author"? You can get away with the most amazing crap...

One time, I had a "real" job at a chemical dependency place, and believe it or not, the staff did not find it at all amusing when a fellow employee screwed up and I referred to them as a "crackhead". Turns out (OOPS!) they were, in fact, a recovering crack addict. Publishing thinks that is one of the funniest stories, ever...

Thank you so much for making me laugh today. You're the best.

Will you post a picture of yourself at the BEA for those of us not lucky enough to be able to attend? You could have someone take a picture of you in your booth signing your book!!! Happy signing!!

I just went to my primary care yesterday and brought up that I had been experiencing anxiety/panic attacks.

No Xanax for me. I left there with a heart holster monitor. :( I'm still wearing it with about a million tubes hanging out of my shirt. At work. Fun.

Hi Laurie,

I finished your book 2 hours ago! Awesome! And during that time I took up knitting again--a hiatus since before Christmas. I had six knitting projects lying around and played einy miney moe each time, and for the life of me couldn't decide which to start.

You ought to come to Toronto, Canada. If you're thinking nahhhh...okay I'll give you a good reason. Yes our weather is cold up here, a perfectly good reason to knit scarfs, hats, mittens, woolen underwear (one that doesn't itch though).

Meanwhile I'll give my favourite knitting hangout a call. ;)

(oh yea, as for the knitting...I solved it...pulled out 5 projects and working on the 6th and determined to finish that one!)

I would love to come play at the BEA but am off to Oxford to ooh and aaah at old buildings this weeknd coming so sadly my money is spent. But may be next I can come!

If you are actually able to go to those cocktail parties you are light years ahead of me. There is no substance known to man that could block enough betas for that. I shrivel up into a little piece of fluff when encountering a group of strangers.

You go Girl! Have fun.

I'm glad you're going to this book fair. I was kind of wondering / hoping you would be at the UCLA one in the spring. (not that I went, I usually don't go anywhere, but I'm glad you do.)

Hey Laurie, I'm sorry but, what is "flop sweat"?

God Bless Beta Blockers.

I toyed with the whole BEA thing, then decided my money would be better spent on booze closer to home. So, I will think good thoughts for you and your Spanx. Be sure to pack an extra ball of yarn and bottle of vodka, just in case.

Laurie - I LOVE your description of publishing and as an insider can verify that it is all true. I won't be able to attend this year because it's on the opposite coast from me and another thing about publishing is that it's CHEAP. But I know you will charm everyone like you charmed me last year. HAVE FUN!!!

Sorry I won't be able to attend I am in the sticks of Maine...LOL But I am very grateful for your book, it is a great read and laugh.Is the story of life at this point.

I think many of us need the medication for socia panic. I have been very open about it so breath and you will do great. If you can write this great book you can handle the Book Expo...