Did you know that Botox stops sweating? For hyperhidrosis they can inject it in armpits and palms of hands. (ouch!) I've had it in my forehead, especially around the hairline, for 5 years now, and it works! I no longer look like I'm about to die of sweaty face all summer. The anti-sweating effect lasts about a year for me, and I don't look all frozen-faced like so many actresses. Food for thought.

I love the line "just to the left of fitting in".

I've felt that way my whole life, honey, and it wasn't till I turned 40 that I started to enjoy being an original.

40s are even better than 30s. And my 50s friends tell me it's even stinking better!

Embrace who you are. If we were all the same, how boring would life be? Go get "The Sweet Potato Queen" book and give it a read. There's a southern woman who knows how to embrace her originality.

I was always on the fringes too. Still am. Too mainstream for my goth friends, too odd for my mainstream friends, too much of a weirdo knitter, and yet I don't feel like an "original" either. But even so, I've come to rather like being someone who can get along with a heap of different crowds, and never be subsumed by any of them. And my Beloved thinks I'm cool, so that's okay. (In fact, he says he thinks I'm cool *because* I'm not quite part of any crowd.)

I second Sandy on the Sweet Potato Queen. Love her. I work with college students and can say a hearty AMEN to everything you wrote here. Sometimes I get a wistful hanging out with all these young, beautiful people. But then I wonder if they look at me and see the person they might become. And I wonder if that thought DID cross their mind, would they be okay with that? And I think of myself at their age and THANK GOD I'm not there anymore, no matter how much I loved my college and my friends back then. Growth is a good thing.

I third Sandy! Since turning 40 four years ago I like who I am. I may be a little weird, a little bit hippie, a ferocious Mother Bear and totally sarcastic 97% of the time but I finally feel complete. Your forties are going to be great!!

Your words inspire me to look forward to leaving my 20's and really getting on with my life! :)

Wow...what great pictures and thoughts you put into words. You write so well. Thank you much for today's post, again. I remember that 19-30 decade, so many feelings and questions and wonders. Who should I be? How did people get to be who they are? I remember being amazed at smart women with opinions - how did they GET those? Guess it all propels young adults away from the nest. I like being me now, with that hope you talk about...I need to go think and write now.

Aloha!

Really enjoyed today's post. Fitting in was never my thing at all, just not wired that way. After a while though, it's much easier to just be who and what you are.

Also, if you are coming to Maui, please let me know as I'm happy to play tour guide, or offer restaurant suggestions, etc. We've even got some yarn over here.

Aloha,

Lisa Louie

Your description of sorority life was just about mine to a T. Except I was never bubbly - I was the "sister" that the pledges were afraid to talk to and amongst the other "sisters" my nickname was Eeyore.

I still don't fit in but then again, neither do any of my friends. And I'm not sure what we're trying to fit in to. (well, I'm trying to fit in to my summer clothes but that's a losing battle no matter what. . . ) Hee.

I never fit in either, and although I did start hanging out with folks eventually, with one notable exception I don't keep up with anyone from college. I've been married to the notable exception for 26+ years, though, so that must count for something.

Bowheaded = wearing bows in your hair? I always wished I could pull that off. I used to wear flowers in my hair all the time; I should try that in the office sometime just to see the reaction. (I don't work in a bank, but the atmosphere is sort of bankish.)

Your commentary on LA makes me think of the beginning and end of "Pretty Woman": "Welcome to Hollywood! What's your dream? Everybody comes to Hollywood got a dream!" I think everyone everywhere has a dream, but some people chase it harder and even catch it sometimes.

wow, i've never been so early a commentor. i don;t know if this signifies anything though...hee,hee,hee.
i just wanted to give you a link to another blogger-writer-humorist...etc that you may already know, but if you don't, check him out. also if you go back in his posts, he mentions what its like to write scripts for TV... and he encourages folks to do just that. i immediately thought of you!
from one bank girl to another: GIRRRL YOU GOTTA GET OUT! i am also an artist fish out of water here in bank operations cubicleville.
hugs, denise t.

I just moved to Las Vegas, from the south -

What I find interesting is that there really aren't any "natives." You know, in the South, most people's family, umpteen generations back has lived in that thar house for ever.

Here, not so much. So we're all "new kids" to a certain extent and trying to find our niche.

But its weird. I keep looking for somepeople who call this "home" like the folks back South do, and they really don't exist, I don't think.

the 40's do rock it, hard! Never thought, when I was a 20-something, that I'd say that, but once you give up the pretense of being young and hip it seems liek the whole daggone world comes crahing through to your reailty and everything gets bettah.

It's OK to miss places, but you've stumbled upon the great secret: being happy where you are is worth more than gold.

I'm 27, and I'm about ready to go crazy, because, um, I don't fit in anywhere, I'm too good for the bad boys and too bad for the good boys, and I feel like my life is just slipping through my fingers. It's nice to know that other people have thought/felt/lived these things, too! My therapist (finally getting some help here!!!) said that she completely disagrees with people who says your 20s are the best years of your life. She thinks (and boy howdy am I beginning to agree) that they're the worst, with so many expectations and growings-up, etc.

I'm so thankful that I went to a college where everybody was a misfit so we fit in together. Now in my 30s, I think college was the easy part and it's the being grownup that's hard.

I'm with Sandy's friends who say 50s are even better than 40s. What I remember about high school, college, 20s & 30s is fear. Fear of everyone and what they would think of me. Sincerely believing that everyone was smarter, cooler and superior to me. It's such a relief to no longer care about other's opinions of me. It has been a long road, but it is so much better on the other side of 50!!

Yup, I never really fit in anywhere either. As you say, always two steps to the left. My nickname in high school was "Opus" after the penguin in Bloom County. Polite, pleasant, cheerful, along with somewhat dorky and out of step with everyone else. I liked it.

It bothered me more when I was younger. Once I passed 40, I started thinking that I'm just getting too old and life is too short to waste on that kind of crap.

Hell, I'm 43 and still don't really know where I'm going. I don't think anyone really does.

I had a very similar experience in the college sorority. I think I joined as an attempt at fitting in somewhere, and still remained left of center.

I think at some point I just threw my hands up and said "enough." Enough killing yourself in one direction. Enjoy life, and make a few steps forward once in awhile. Take opportunities. :)

Laurie, do you know the song "Left of Center" by Suzanne Vega (from one of the best movies ever, Pretty in Pink)?

http://lyricwiki.org/Suzanne_Vega:Left_Of_Center

You would've fit in with our drama crowd. We were all the misfits at our Christian college, and we took everyone in. Lord knows, I wouldn't have had any friends any other way. I was the freak who took her spinning wheel to college--and actually used it in public! Horrors! Thank goodness for the drama club and all the weirdos in that. We all helped each other survive that place.

Fitting in is conforming to what society dictates. Thinking that you don't fit in -- it's your soul identifying itself! Parts of all of us are on the outside looking in. I believe it's all part of our constant self-assessment, self-awareness. After a while we don't have to identify ourselves based on another, or others. That is freedom! Freedom for you and for all around you. How lovely of you, Laurie, to bring this forward today. There is a little melancholy in your recollections. I can relate.

Laurie, you obviously bloom where you are planted!
.

This post is downright poetic...thank you!!!!

"19 through 30 is a hard decade."

Amen.

But I am loving it here at 34!

What a great post "about nothing".

"looking back I can't tell if I was excluded or just so self-conscious about never fitting in"

This line is how I felt throughout college. I was always so worried that I would force myself upon people who didn't like me that I tended to stay on the fringes of things. That's okay though. I think the fringes give you perspective.

Wow! I love this blog. You are so right. We spend our 20s and 30s trying to “fit in” and “figure it out”, it can be a really challenging time. I just entered my 40s and I am LOVING IT!

I think we find ourselves on a much deeper level as we begin our 40s. We worry naught about what others think, and care more about what we think of ourselves. It is very spiritual, very freeing.

I too love LA! I don’t live there, but my business revolves around its mighty energy. It is always evolving and full of surprises. It is diverse, eclectic. Ha!... and how true it is that you can be a waiter one day, and a paid screenwriter the next!

This is the kind of post that keeps me coming back. You rock, Laurie.

Thank god someone said your 20's sucks. I feel so Lame, I'm 28, returning to college to change careers, no kids, never been married, and never owned a home. I feel like I have LOSER tattooed on my Face. Like I am way behind in the rat race of life.

I try not to think about fitting in, probably because I've always had a tendency to think of myself as a social chameleon. It's not as false as it sounds, but not as true to oneself as I would like it to be.

I think we are all standing two steps to the left of the cool people. If enough of us stand together, and turn a little bit in, we'll make a circle.

A cirle never ends. We can all be just a little bit off-kilter togeher.

Makes me wonder who the cool people are...

A hopeful city?! I would probably describe it is a delusional, self-absorbed, and neurotic one, basking in the smoggy sun, avoiding the fact that things don't really work and some natural disaster is around the corner. Only a Southerner could come here and view it as a hopeful city.

That's why we need more of you Southerners here. You make the place tolerable with your optimism.

It seems like most people don't think they fit in - I think it is more like reaching a level of comfort in a situation or with the people who surround you.

I have lived 7 states as an adult (I am a good bit older than you, Miss Laurie), and in LA for 8 years. I know I don't fit in here, never have, never will. As a matter of fact, I stand out like a sore thumb. We are planning to move to Richmond VA next summer, which is yet another new place. I am not sure I will fit in there, but this time I am old enough to know that fitting in is a state of mind - and I will find friends and things to do that help me grow and let me be me. I guess I am too old to care if I fit in. California, (or maturity), has knocked it out of me! Neil is right. LA needs more southerners like you!

The common thread through out the comments seems to be, "I thought I was only one that felt that way." Take a deep breath and shake the hand of the person standing next to you. We are more alike than different.

Thank you for this! I just turned 29, got married, and moved out of the city I lived in from 18-29. I had good times and bad times and I chose to leave for a reason. And a lot of time I cannot wait for 30, because the 11 years of college (5 of night school), the bar exam, the job- everything will be over and all set. Yet, today, while I was by myself in a city where I don't know anyone and my husband isn't here yet, I sat down and watched My So Called Life and cried while I unpacked.

I worry about fitting in and making friends, especially since all my excuses (school, work) are gone. And the person I was in my 20's and the person I am now are not the same person, and the me sized hole I left in DC isn't the same hole I'll "fit in" to here. And in some ways that is scary, and in some ways liberating.

"I like it here, but I miss other places."

I get that.

I always felt like a "sham" sorority girl, too, so it's nice to know I wasn't the only one. Being in a sorority wasn't as much fun as I thought it would be, but it was a good experience. I didn't fit into my sorority or have any close friends there. I thought about quitting many times, but stuck it out because I "always" wanted to be in a sorority. I don't think I fit in because I tried too hard to be somebody I wasn't. I was afraid nobody in my sorority would like me if they knew the "real" me. Well, apparently, nobody liked the "fake" me, either. Now, I just act like myself and if people don't like it, I don't really care because I know who I am. And I am not the person I was back in college.

Go figure. I wasn't a sorority girl but totally fit in at frat parties. And with the drama crowd as well. I figured I was owed this. In high school, I fit in -- with the misfits -- but never really felt a full sense of belonging. Of course, this would have been true with any crowd. It wasn't until college, in my opinion, that I started to express the real me.

I know exactly what you mean. I didn't come into my own until I turned 34 and could care less what other people thought of me. Feels good, doesn't it?

If you think being in your thirties are great, just wait until you are forty. I feel like I've come into my own.

Regarding fitting in, when I was in high school I lamented because I felt like I didn't fit in. I'd look at the inner circle of my group of friends and long to be in there with them. However now that we are adults and more honest with each other I find that they felt like the didn't fit in either and that they longed to be in this fictional inner circle.

Now that I've come to the realization that fitting into the inner circle is an illusion. I enjoy being myself and now find that I am loved just for being me.

Amen to everything you wrote, Laurie. It's true that as you get older, and start to accept yourself, it gets easier. I was one of those kids who didn't fit in at High School - I was the outsider, the scholarship girl at the posh private school. And we all knew it.

Then I didn't fit in with my nursing class at the hospital. Thank God I found the university choral society or those would have been the loneliest years of my life. It was meant to be the "great adventure" straight out of the Cherry Ames books - all of us living on one floor of the nurses' home, etc, etc. The job was great but the rest of it sucked. Nobody to hang out with; nobody to talk to. Out of 63 people, I don't keep in touch with one. And I don't want to.

It was only when I got older and moved countries that I stopped trying to fit in. And things got better. Perhaps it was because, for the first time in my life, I was allowed to be "me".

- Pam

Of course, being in Theatre *means* being a little off-center (I know, I was there). Did youi notice how those pictures of people who look not one or two but 15 years older than you? And in case you didn't catch this on account of a private worship moment of the Great Sobakawa....how many of THEM have hundreds and hundreds of Adoring Fans; how many have written books that are hauled around in backpacks and purses and totes and taken out a few times a day for an uplifting moment or good chuckle or quick warm-all-over? Well, MISSY, I can tell you probably Not. a. Single. ONE! and may I also point out the obvious? YOU HAVE, so neener neener also. There you go.

Wow, I never thought that I'd "meet" someone who also felt not-quite-in with the theatre crowd. I actually started blaming theatre for stealing my friends in high school. We had been good friends and then we grew apart when they discovered theatre and I discovered that I was really bad at theatre. And eventually I gave in to being a nerd and *loved* math club.

Luckily I went off to college and realized that it was my own self-esteem issues that caused me so much agony and isolation in high school. Because if everyone was obsessing about themselves the way I was about myself, well then, no one would even notice the gaffs and specialness that I was displaying.

Not to say that I'm entirely fixed, but in general I feel a whole lot better abot theatre and performances. I love to go to them, I just don't have to make them.

I never fitted in at school. Then I got to uni (college) and found a whole bunch of weirdoes like me! They've been my friends for 20+ years now :-)
And I can get online and find plenty of other people who don't really fit in too ;-)

I love the whole paragraph that you wrote about being in your twenties. My best friends and I turn 29 this summer and we are absolutely filled with a constant panic. This foreboding and ceaseless worry that we aren't where we are supposed to be!! It is an exhausting feeling and I'm glad to hear that it lets up a little later.

AAAWWWWWWWWW........SO INSANELY CUTE I MIGHT STROKE OUT!!!

I think I know what's really going on with Bob. It's a desperate bid for attention, because all that cuteness emanating from even a continent away is making him feel insecure. Don't worry, Bobster - he'll never have your perfect kittie toes!

Either that, or Bob was set up. Soba framed him, because - well, because she's Soba. It's what evil dictators do.

I LOVE to hear that someone else hated their 20s!!! Why do we feel like we have to have the rest of our lives mapped out at 19?!?! That's nuts! Looking back at the me that I was when I was 20 *shudders* ... My husband and I wonder if we would have gotten together if we'd met in our early 20s... who knows. He and I are both people who didn't fit in either, but now we have each other and life is good! Took me 33 years to find him half way across the world though! I lived in Minnesota, he lived in Alaska, now I live in Alaska too. I have a whole new place to not fit in... I am finding that it's tough to adjust to a new place with none of your old support system around. It's the first time I've been away from my friends and family for this long. But, my husband is very loving and supportive and things are ok.

thanks for sharing your inner thoughts to which so many people can relate. i joined a sorority only because my mom wanted me to because she felt she missed out on that life when she was young. i never quite fit in, either.

funny, that theatre is the only place where i feel 100% comfortable, competent and not an impostor.

mck.

Can't resist chiming in about how 19-30 is a tough time for many. I look back (now 42) and think of how LONELY I was in the years right after college. I partied with friends, enjoyed my coworkers, had roommates, had a boyfriend, lived in beautiful southern Maine, but my memories are stuck on things I did alone. In some ways, one needs to be alone to do the learning and growing required of that period in life. I wouldn't trade it, but I don't want to revisit it, either! The 40s are full of awesome.

Nice Site!
http://google.com