Oooh, Laurie, what you said! So totally true! You have a way of expressing thoughts and emotions that are in my head. I, too, have those imaginary conversations either reliving arguments or inventing new ones. I have to stop myself when I do that and realize it does no good whatsoever. Only the moment is what counts. Sure, we can make plans for the future but to worry about things that haven't happened yet or might not even happen is to take away from the moment and like you said, that's really all we have.

Well said!

is it a woman thing to stew like that? when i worked with a team of all men, i would go home all pissed off at some thing while they had moved on with their lives.

at the same time, giving voice to your anger (even if you are the only one to hear it) seems pretty important too.

My God How well. said. that is my lifes dream now is to meet you in person if not to just say hello or fall in love for a brief moment in time

"I spent the entire drive home having an angry and cutting conversation with the offender." Too true! And I don't have these conversations SILENTLY -- lips move, words come out, people in other cars look at me like I'm, uh, talking to myself.

I can so relate to spending wasted hours in solo mind-bending confrontations with good and evil-hearted folks whose only commonality is that they have no idea they made me so damn mad!! But, there does come a point in your life, maybe you just get filled up, that you empty all that out and stop doing it. One thing I adore about being a middle aged woman is now I tell people out loud and in real time. Saves a lot of time and energy. I mean, I could be knitting, or reading, or drinking wine!

I'm sorry to say I have one-sided conversations like that with my ex-husband all the time. But he really is an arsehole.

Laurie, fantastic as always. Thank you. I have conversations with myself where I get so worked up I swear my blood pressure rises to unhealthy levels. But for what? Not a daggum thing. Thanks for the perspective. Love from Minneapolis!

I'm off now to find a "big" empty shoebox.

You are magnificent. Truly.

Oh I loved this post. I'm a multi-published author and sat here nodding my head the entire time. When people ask me for advice, I always squirm. I don't know how *I* even got published, but I do know one thing. You have to write, write, write. Just sit your butt in the chair and do it. And if you do it long and hard enough, and want it bad enough, it will happen.

Love your blog.

"I sometimes have to write a letter to the shoebox."

Best line ever. :)

And well said all around!

I agree! Getting the crazy out of your head helps enormously.
Have a great weekend!

I'm so glad to know I'm not alone in my one-sided conversations. I've rehashed things that happened in elementary school!

It's freaky how what you write so often is right in tune with what I'm thinking, doing, struggling with, whatever the case. (Apologies for the very bad grammar). I'm reading Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth and learning a lot about how we humans are ruled by that thinking voice in our heads, the one that re-lives arguments and worries and disappointments over and over again and blocks us from living in the present moment. I think that is what you are talking about too. So, thanks Laurie, for another wonderful post. And Katie and Armando? Love 'em. Please keep the story coming!

I'm about to make some big moves in my life, quitting my job and going to grad school in a new city and I am terrified of all the things that could go wrong. I was thinking about doing the very thing you mention here, making a list of everything that scares me about this big leap just so I can maybe let it go. I think I'll make that my weekend project. Thanks for the encouragement not to let my fears overtake me.

You are seriously in touch with the zeitgeist, C.A.P. As for Brian Hurley, quick arrange a meeting b/c if you don't I will! Seriously, '... fall in love for just a brief moment of time.'

Been there, done that. To death. Wish I didn't, but it's hard to turn off, sometimes.
On the writing/publishing side, there are indeed lots of sources of assistance out there, books, websites, etc. etc. Having summoned up from somewhere the guts to submit my first book many moons ago, I'd tell all aspiring writers to remember that the worst they can say is,"No." They can't say you're a worthless human being, or a bad housekeeper or any of that, all they can say is that they don't want to buy your book right then. Maybe they just bought a book about a woman taken hostage by central American terrorists. Maybe the editor has PMS. Maybe--you fill in the blank. The worst they can say is, "No." That's all. And how bad can that be?

Growing up, my mom's mantra to keep me from being too crazy in the head (or to just shut me up) was, "There are no shouldas, couldas or wouldas." It probably shut me up, but I'm still crazy in the head!

I always have these conversations. I will walk down the street and talk about the things that made me angry or have an argument or anything and it's really just me usually working myself up more than I was before. When I do this, I tend to go in circles and just get more and more angry (something I'm unfortunately good at).

I know why I'm not published. I'm too scattered and too lazy at the moment to sit down and write. I just don't want it enough even though I have these ideas in my head.

I think we are all just a little crazy. Well, if we are 'normal', anyway.

Well said, Laurie.
.

Dear Aunt Purl,

You write letters to your shoebox and I write letters to Dear Abby in my head. The challenge is to fit in only the necessary details and keep it short enough to be published in her column. I have never written one word on paper (or computer), but the exercise helps me focus on what the problem is and clear out all the junk associated with it. By the time I've finished the letter, I've sorted out the answer.

Signed, Clear headed

Oh, great, I get to come right after spam. Getting on with it anyway... I think the imaginary conversation can be part of getting past it. Sometimes it works for me, but only sometimes. And I think the worrying about what if can be a way of avoiding closing your eyes, holding your nose, and taking that leap, because you know that at least for a second or two the water will be COLD.

Imaginary conversations can also be part of the book. Have you read any of the Spenser books by Robert B. Parker? He always, always says the right thing to deflate all the hot-air balloons he deals with. If I ever write a book I will put in all the conversations where I said the wrong thing, only I will fix them. Author's perk.

Anyhow, thanks for the nudge.

One of the greatest writing tools I found was NaNoWriMo. I've been reading about it for years and finally worked up the courage to try it last November. I hit my 50,000 word mark and never looked back.

http://www.nanowrimo.org/

What a relief to know I'm not the only one who wastes time and energy on imaginary conversations. Although, after a divorce and two years' of therapy, I'm getting better - those conversations used to wrangle on for a week or more and now I'm down to about 24-48 hours (less if I make the time to write about it and therefore get it OUT of my head). The writing is an amazing help with this problem. I get to say everything I need/want to say, but don't actually have to have the confrontation. I'm SO NOT BIG on the confrontations ;-)

One day, in the middle of the divorce, I covered the front and back of about 5 pages just writing "I HATE HIM" over and over and over. Felt like I'd run 2 miles when I was done, but at least I slept well that night for the first time in days!

I'm not sure if you can answer this, but I was wondering how you went from just starting a blog to growing such a large readership and if you have any tips you feel comfortable providing on that topic?

Great post. I was clicking on your blog in bloglines thinking, "I hope she has some thoughts in here today." My lucky day! :) I relate to your stories so much, and I often do the same conversations-over-and-over thing. I also try not to think too hard about Someday, but I don't always let myself think about things that I want so that I don't have to try to get them. ;) I'm getting MUCH better though.

The tough thing for me is that I'm not a writer. I never think about grabbing a pen and paper when I've got thoughts to get out. It always seems like such a good thing to do (and I have felt better the times that I've tried it) but it's just not my go-to method. After reading your post, I'm willing to give it another go.

I love you.

In a that's-exactly-what-I-needed-to-hear-right-now kind of way. Not in an I'm-going-to-stalk-you kind of way.

thanks crazypants - i feel better:-)

This is so timely for me, too. I had the biggest hissy fit of my 20+ year career yesterday. I had to storm out of my OWN office, saying "This discussion is OVER."

(I had to storm out because I was so frustrated I felt tears welling up, and I didn't want THAT to happen.)

Anyway, I'm sure the guy I was so p1ssed at just shrugged it off. Me, I fumed about it all night. So.... I feel you.

I love that you write letters to the shoebox. I write rants on the computer. One of these days, someone will find my Rants folder and be horrified. LOL!

You are correct about the what-ifs. When I ponder the possibility of actually pursuing my dream career, I wig out. There are a lot of fears I'll need to overcome in order to get there. Skills I need to learn that I'm not completely sure I can learn--and that terrifies me.

Recently I had an epiphany. Trying to take in the entirety of the journey is too overwhelming--good thing we don't have to live it like that! How we live is one moment at a time, in sequence. When we look back... how far have we come? All we can do is take one step at a time, keep putting one foot in front of the other and address each "thing" as it arrives.

I'll bet we'll be surprised at just how ready we ARE for that moment when it gets here. Trust the process.

If my bathroom mirror could talk...

I WANT TO READ MORE...I hope you are really writing this book!!!!

If it helps, I'm totally crazypants in that same way!!

Yep, getting those voices (imaginary arguments, fears about moving forward, etc.) out of my head and into the light manages to kill 'em most of the time.

I don't know if it's correct blogger etiquette (blogiquette? bletiquette?) to talk about someone else's blog on yours - but I *love* Christine Kane, and her takes on putting yourself out there, living your life fully. She's a singer/songwriter (I bet you'd like her songs, too! Try out "Four Legs Good, Two Legs Bad" for a laugh. You can get it on iTunes) She has also healed her bulimia. I get SO much from her blog. Here's one entry I loved:
http://christinekane.com/blog/shine-anyway/

You can click around her archives - there are TONS of great articles.

OK - commercial over.

I love you both - I guess your other readers can, too!

What do you mean imaginary arguments? Next you be telling me that wine has calories and that there is no shoe god.

I reject your reality and insert my own.

Now, this is just weird...could it be that writing is contagious? My 65th Birthday Resolution is to Finally Publish (my short kidstories)! And it's clearly TIME; I took a writing class, which wasn't so hot BUT!! The teacher invited me to join her writers' critique group, only six people, all published, mostly kidwriters, mostly interested in history as I am -- coincidence? I don't think so. And may I say, when I think of you I get a real charge of grouping myself with you: I *too* am a writer and knitter! (Not great at either, perhaps, but enthusiastic -- you're an inspiration to me.) This is The Year!

The whole "Someday I'm going to...." thing is why I enjoyed the movie ONCE so much. Have you seen it? I might have guessed the title had something to do with "Once upon a time" but instead it is more along the lines of "Once I save enough money to...." or "Once I move out of this place..." or or or...It is about not waiting for Once I do this or that I can finally do what I really want to do. It is about just doing it. Hey, that would make a good slogan! Just Do It! Anyway, I loved that movie and now I totally love Glen Hansard! What a voice. This is why you, CAP, are such an inspiration to all of us. You have taken the bull by the horns and you are actually doing some of those things you really want to do. Writing a book. Traveling. Getting a new coffee table. Thanks, Purl Gurl.
Jan

I have the worst fights with my Mom and she never even knows.

I wonder if maybe those rehashed, imaginary arguments are a way for some of us to relive the incident ON OUR OWN TERMS, dammit! And we'll make it turn out OUR way this time around!! (reliving the whole thing until it does and throwing in some fabulously snarky comeback while we're at it).

I really needed this post. I read it first on Friday and then spent all weekend working on my novel that I am terrified of getting rejected. It was really helpful what you said about the fear of rejection having nothing to do with writing the actual book, because in my head it did. I always sit and write and tell myself "this has to be perfect or it will be rejected" but I'm going to try altering my perspective and not worrying about that until the book is done.

On a happier note, last summer you posted that Chicken Soup for the Soul was looking for stories and I sent one in and they picked it! All because of you! So thanks for posting that because otherwise I never would have known to send it to them or how to submit to them. Having a story published in Chicken Soup is a really big deal to me.

Oh, those imaginary conversations! Or, really, arguments. And even while I'm in the middle of doing them, I know how stupid it is. I'm gradually getting better at stopping it and letting go, but I have to be careful or I start it all up again.

And you know what? Your blog, among others, inspired me to start mine. And I wrangled Lyda into it because I knew it would be more fun and I'd be less likely to let it slide. And now I'm at least writing every week, if not yet every day. So, step forward for me! And thanks.

Laurie, thanks so much for being so open with us your loval and devoted fans. I too have had the imaginary conversations and while they are great stress relievers, I have found that actually directing my point of view to the offending party (there are snarky ways of doing this without being vulgar) helps even more. Standing up for myself always makes me feel better.

P.S. : Please, please turn the saga of Katie and Armando into a book. I PROMISE I'll buy a copy. Love your blog, you are awesome.

Oh my . . This made me remember one day when I was driving by myself having a HUGE imaginary blow-out with my ex-husband. A man drove by me and gave me a horrified look and I realized I was gesticulating wildly and was flipping "the bird." I was mortified and felt like a freak. I'm so glad to hear that other people do that too.

You are totally not alone in doing that. But my boyfriend swears he leaves work at work and never thinks about it when he's home. He _says_ that but the reality is sometimes different, but even still he doesn't seem to worry about it to a tenth of what I do.

And I tend to live my life in the past or the future. It is very hard to give up my fears and just DO. I try and repeat Yoda a lot: Do, only do. There is no try.

Julia Camerons The Artists Way is a fantastic tool to get past fear of being creative. Its even better if you do it in a group.

love the story. LOVE IT