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March 19, 2008

Very mysterious

On Monday at 3:40 a.m. I was jolted out of bed. Literally. I thought it was an earthquake -- it felt like the bed was violently pushed away from the wall with one huge shove. I got up (jolted!) and turned all the lights on in the whole damn house, as if that would help, but we weren't having an earthquake. Nothing else was moving. The cats were pissed off for being disturbed during their beauty sleep and it was all very mysterious so I promptly went back to bed and forgot about it. It was 3:40 in the morning after all.

Then I noticed yesterday that the bed had actually moved away from the wall -- by about six inches. WEIRD. So it really had happened, whatever it was that jolted me out of slumber also pushed the bed away from the side of the house in the middle of the night and disturbed the beauty sleep of three felines. Et moi.

I decided to go round the side of the house and have a look in case the neighbors had a rowdy St. Paddy's Day and drove into my house. Listen, stranger things have happened. It was already dark outside so I can't be certain my CSI efforts were 100% perfect but there didn't appear to be any damage to the bushes or the plaster on that side of the house. The box shrubs did seem a little dry, but I seriously doubt a state of parchedness in the hedge area would case the house to tremble.

So after much chin scratching and carrying on, it is clear that there is only one possible logical and clear explanation:

My house is haunted.

On the plus side, I'm from a part of the country where we have haunted crap everywhere. In fact you are not even really considered Southern unless you yourself have lived in a haunted house, or you are related to someone with an apparition, and/or you have been intimate with OR gone to school with OR attended church with someone who has at some time lived in or next door to a haunted house. Bonus points if your church itself was haunted or you ever went looking for the Bell Witch.

The downside is that right now I just do not have time to add anyone new to my life, phantasm or no. I AM BUSY OKAY. There is a lot going on in my life (aside from laundry which is an other-worldy issue of its own) and I am just far too harried at this time to entertain a specter, people. I barely have time to clean up after myself and the aforementioned annoyed felines so having to pick up plates off the floor and constantly shut mysteriously opening cabinet doors and see stuff floating mid-air is just not in my planbook. Not to mention being shoved awake at 3:40 a.m. That is just RUDE.

I can however recommend one or three excellent houses on my street that would be perfectly ripe for a good haunting. I'm neighborly that way.

Posted by laurie at March 19, 2008 9:09 AM