You know, that recipe totally lost me when it called for kale. Which I imagine that I would have promptly substituted with ice cream.

Oh no! I'm sorry you hated it so bad. I can't say I enjoyed it either, but it did manage to "cleanse" me. I know you will never try it again, however, can I say one thing in case someone else decides to try it? Your photos look like you should have blended a little longer. It does get a little more liquid if you blend it enough. I still had to scoop the foamy thick stuff off the top to be able to stand it, but it looks like yours wasn't blended as much as I did mine.

Sorry Laurie!

Secretly though....I'm not sure I can stand it ever again after drinking it 4 times last week. I think it was a one week experiment for me.

Bevvy, I blended it as much as my blender will... blend. It was horrifying but well worth it for the hilarity. I got to moan and bellyache and carryon and surely that burned a calorie or four! I am always up for a food experiment, so I had a good time doing it.

P.S. It may have also made it more liquid since I used white grape juice instead of apples. It really doesn't matter though. The thought of drinking it right now makes my stomach hurt.

Ewwwww is right! I'm sticking with my strawberry pineapple smoothie, which, by the way, I LOVE!!!!!!

p.s. yeah, um, consequences too.

the recipe sounded pretty good until the kale and spinach. perhaps it was a misprint.

otoh, ginger and apples? delish.

once i juiced a bunch of radishes left over from the spring. i took one taste and decided my tummy would revolt. so i gave it to my husband, with the caveat about radishes. he drank it all down, then got this look on his face. a mr. yuk face.

I was happy to go back to a fruit smoothie this morning -- I did banana, frozen peaches and frozen strawberries. YUM.

RB -- do you think your $65 investment will pay off? ;) I know it seems spendy at the gitgo but after a while you're just restocking on frozen fruit (and bananas for those who eat them). My can of protein powder lasts me a good three weeks. And that is the same can of psyllium husks I bought last year! I am up to a tablespoon of psyllium but I had to start out at 1/2 a teaspoon.

Fiber. It has its consequences....

Ha ha ha!!!! My advice would be throw in a handful of spinach with your blueberry smoothie next time if you want some greens.

I wonder how long pouches of unopened protein poweder will last? I still have some mix left over from a couple years ago when I had a personal trainier and she instructed me to drink smoothies a couple times a week for breakfast. It was surprisingly filling.
I generally eat a healthy breakfast (it's amazing how fast things can go downhill from there though - easter kit kat for a mid morning snack - le sigh) but I'm now inspired to try smoothies again.

Just not the green kind!

mung beans??? ewww sounds a little too much like dung beans to me.
my blender is crappy, too. i have to use just the leaves of the spinach which means tearing it away from the stems, tossing them and staining my nails green. i dont know if kale is the same way but you might try it

everyone needs cute shoes for the apocalypse

It's true! This reminded me of something my friend Nick said at the time: "You don't want to face the Apocalypse in dirty panties! Especially if they're somebody else's."

It looks very... "Linda Blair"ish. :/

Ew.

You were right.

Yucko! I agree with saucygrrl - it lost me at kale.

Oh, that really sounds horrible! Did you use the stems of the kale, too? Yikes.

Laurie, I'm good with the $67 investment for my health! That's what I'm calling it anyway. There may have been some chocolate truffles in the cart too... hey, it was Easter.

I think that psyllium powder, consequences and all, will last for freaking ever. The soy powder was on sale so I got the giganto size for about $11 (I think?) and it seems it will last almost forever.

My hair doesn't look very good today because I didn't properly anticipate the extra 10 minutes this would add to my mornings (I'm NOT a morning person like you) but my skin looks great. I always forget that eating a lot of berries helps my skin. So thank you!!!!

You definitely had me with the blueberries but even this picture made me shudder!! The new Montel book has some green drink recipes (it was a gift from relatives - but Montel's rather pompous and annoying so just check it out from the library and skip to the recipes!)

Hmm, I always heard that Soy Protein had --- ummm--- consequences of the ---ummm --- gasious nature.

Not true?

Omg.. Your hysterical! I would have to say this is my new favorite blog! Do you have a myspace? Friends of Crazy Aunt Purl? Just curious.

Also being a member in the Dicorcee sority:

Delta Alpha Mu Nu Iota Tau (DAMNIT)

And being a single mom of 2 furry children, full time college student/working full time/ and savior to humanity on client care, one call at a time. I enjoy reading your adventures.

I tried a variation of your Blueberry/Banana thinggie, except I used skim milk and 4 ripe strawberries... but I really need to get some protien powder!

Keep up the good work! xoxo-m!

Aww, man..I was hoping you were going to say it tasted really good..
My grandmother stockpiled canned foods for Y2K..I think we finished them off in 2005..

Spinach and kale... liquidated?

Urllgghh.

I was a weird eater growing up too...I would go though phases where I would eat the same thing for weeks and then not want to eat it ever again (Pillsbury Toaster Strudels come to mind). Now I'm pregnant and the same thing is happening again. I can't stand chicken anymore because I ate too much during th e1st 3 months of my pregnancy. I've also developed an aversion to most dairy products (I think I overdosed early on). I think I'll pass on Mung Beans and Clarified Butter...and on the Green Lemonade (though I'm loving lemoade right now)

There was a recipe for a Green Goddess smoothie in Sunset Magazine a few months ago. It contained mangoes, pineapple, a juice (maybe OJ?) and fresh spinach. It was delicious. If you can find the recipe, it's definitely worth a try. If I saved it, I'll forward it on.

I do indeed have a bag o' mung beans in the cupboard, but I think I bought them somewhere around 2004. My son and I are both sprouts fans, and the so-called fresh sprouts available in central Indiana leave a lot to be desired.

We made sprouts and sprouts and sprouts, and I think I still have nearly a pound of beads.

I'll bet that concoction might not be as bad if it were put through a juicer (without the ice, of course). That would probably take out most of the stringiness. Other than that, it sounds pretty healthy! :)

I did the raw food things for a few years (and a fair bit of cleansing too)and I gotta say that particular smoothie is full of Whoa! that's a lot of kale and kale is not my friend. I did take to blending my salads but mine were very avocado-y and rasberry and spinach so it was ok. Not something I recommend for the masses but it worked for awhile when I could no longer stand chewing all that green... at any rate I'm glad we've learned to enjoy whatever it is we are eating :-)

I was with you on that recipe right up until yu mentioned kale. Kale!! As in green spinachy-type stuff but with all the taste forcibly extracted at gunpoint. This is when I began to laugh. The whole chopped up lemon just consolidated my mirth!

Hahahahahahahaha.

Kale? Wow, that's a strongly-flavored green. LOVE it sauteed with sesame oil, but blended? Ew. Maybe skip the kale, just try the spinach?

Mmm, just had a thought - kale sauteed with clarified butter and sesame oil... yum!

My husband recommends eating at Krystal's fast food restaurant two nights in a row. He swears it will "purify" you from the inside out.

And it tastes way better than mung beans I am sure.:)

You have to start off slowly!!! That is FAR too much green for someone who doesn't normally drink green smoothies! Definitely leave out the kale if there is a next go around. Kale doesn't taste good. lol The "green" smoothie I make for my kids goes something like this:

1 full pineapple (peeled and cored...obviously)
1 C frozen mango
1/2 lemon, peel still on
as much spinach as you can pile on top of that in the blender

I then blend all of that up and add 2 C frozen blueberries. This not only adds a lot of good nutrients, but makes the smoothie purple, which can trick your mind into thinking you're not drinking a salad. I usually add flax seed oil as well.

It's really good, I promise! All of my kids will gulp it down! As you drink them more often, you can add more and more greens and cut down on the fruit. I always keep the pineapple though because that gives it the sweetness it so desperately needs!

I've had smoothies with wheatgrass in them, and even with the small amount of wheatgrass it was definitely an acquired taste.

And I already know that I just won't have anything with spirulina in it. It makes things just too green.

everyone needs cute shoes for the apocalypse

Would you please put this on a t-shirt/mug/mouse pad/anything else CafePress will sell? (My husband puts pretty much all of his designs on pretty much everything, and occasionally sells a baby onesie emblazoned with wit and wisdom in ancient Sumerian. It's a weird world.)

The Diet From Hell does not allow kale. Finally, the DFH does something useful. It doesn't allow bananas or strawberries, either, but one cannot have everything.

I once was an organic fascist & it's amazing I had any family members who still speak to me. At that wretched point of my life, I would make up concoctions that were sworn to clean up the innards. All I can recommend - if anyone is compelled to soldier on through such an effort - is use a straw. After all; it works great for some adult beverage experiments, so hey!

Um, ew? Yucky-pooie! You're brave for trying it, though, I'll give you that much! ;)

I was in the grocery store on Saturday in the frozen food aisle and noticed the frozen berries. I remembered your post and the fact that I used to make smoothies and thought that I should do it again. And then I continued on past the frozen berries to the ice-cream section. sigh. Next time, I promise!

Oh, and I meant to add that I do pretty good in the "fiber keeps you regular" department as long as I make sure to eat about 2-3 fruits a day plus at least 3-4 servings or more of veggies. My system loves me for it. :)

It looks like one of those green tea frappuccino things you see people get at Starbucks. I do not understand those either.

omg i totally forgot to mention that a couple of christmases (christmasses?) ago i made a cake and had subtituted flax for the oil in it. apparently its not something you should do in one big leap, nor is it something you should do without telling your family ESPECIALLY when they gorge themselves.
long story short, you can eat crap like cake or cookies and "purify" yourself as long as you substitute flax. its a wonder my family trusts my cooking now days LOL

It would have been better if you skipped the blender step!

Oh no! It was the kale that pushed you over the edge. Eeeeeeeewwwwwww.

Don't hate green smoothies forever... Can I give you a recipe to [please] try that I can guarantee you'll love? (And you won't taste anything remotely "lawn" like. I promise. I hate my vegetables. I swear to you I can even taste the zucchini in zucchini bread.)

-16 to 24 oz. frozen strawberries
-4 to 8 oz. pear juice
-1 bartlett pear, skin on or off, depending on your preference/laziness, cored & destemmed
-1 to 2 C. (not packed) baby spinach

If pears aren't your thing, just substitute a juice you like (cherry or blueberry work) for the pear juice, and a big banana for the pear.

I promise you won't taste the green!

Green Smoothie sure to please!

2-3 Frozen bananas
Lots of Kale finely chopped (sans stemy parts)
Soy/Rice milk aplenty
Optional - protein powder
Optional - ginger powder
Optional - shredded coconut

DO NOT ADD ICE.
If you must have coldness, cut and freeze your bananas ahead of time.

It does taste a little green, but really the bananas just over power everything and make it creamy, too. My favorite way to get greens in the summer.

Another thing I like is "More Than A Greens Powder" which is a green, antioxidant, fiber, etc etc filled powder that goes well in smoothies of all types. I get it at Vitacost dot com

That was soooo funny! I didn't see the "IT TASTED WORSE" coming. Thanks for the laugh!

Wow. That is one unique smoothy.

My father used to take wheat grass tablets everyday and he said he always had to allow himself "alone" time every afternoon. Like I needed to hear that. I can only imagine what that psyllium does to you. :P

I have to say I'm relieved that my estimation of what blenderized kale would taste like wasn't wildly off the mark. Shame to waste the lemon, tho'. If I'm going to smoothieize something, it will probably involve yogurt and bananas, but I guarantee it won't involve kale! Some healthy things taste great (garbanzo beans and a little asiago cheese on a salad) some not so much (anything involving mystery powders made from liver). You win a few, you lose a few.

ROTFL That's why I love your blog-- your real-life honest opinions. "Folks, this is Awful!!"
Yayyy, Laurie!!!

If you really must drink something green, have you tried a milk shake made from pistachio ice cream? Not many nutrients, but it tastes good.

I drink a veg juice every morning in the summer, but it is put through a juicer and not a blender. Much more palatable, and I would skip the kale and only use spinach which is sweet not earthy (tastes like dirt) like kale. This juice kick was forced on me by the man in my life and I must say after whining and moaning about it, I now ask for it all summer. The stuff you tried however, looks like it would make terrific plant food.
Enjoy your blog immensely!

No mung beans in the cupboard, but we do still have Spam from my husband's Y2K pre-planning! "Ya never know!"

Poor Meyer lemon gave it's life to be green goo LOL

I suggest a glass of ice cold lemonade and a spinach kale salad topped with apple slices and a ginger vinaigrette. Voila- healthy and yummy.

Maybe the kale was sposed to be cooked?

Just tryin' to help, y'all......

ahaha, I remember either that diet or a similar one. It would have been around 1999 because I was working at a health food grocery store after my first daughter was born. If I remember correctly, the cleansing was with regards to the colon, and a theory that poor health and weight gain was related to, well, shall we say, waste not moving through the colon properly. Apparently the sides of our intestines were coated with gunk, this diet would help clean it out. We had a book at work with pictures of people proudly holding up bowls and pans with the contents of their bowels after a proper cleansing. Truly hideous photos.

Good lordy, that looks FOUL. I hate when I get all experimental, like when I tried the "purple puree" mix from the original book that Jessica Seinfeld ripped off and ended up with spinach brownies. MMMMMmmmmm... spinachey! Nothing like ruining a perfectly good box of brownie mix to ruin my day.

You are a 150% woman...yikes! I don't have that much fortitude. I'll stick to the previous recipes for the protein powders and fruits and soy milks etc., I do agree with previous comments btw, your blender is slick. hmm... will you be hosting the peppers on the backporch again this year? It is getting close to growing season.

I was one of the ones who suggested adding spinach to your smoothie. But, good god woman - kale, spinach AND a whole lemon?!?! That is some foul stuff.

BTW - I had my smoothie this morning (with spinach, thankyouverymuc) for breakfast and it was wonderful!

Someone else may have said this already, but the recipe would be better in a juicer rather than a blender... the juicer gets rid of the strings and thick pulp, etc. And it turns out pretty thin.

I have that book and have tried this recipe, and I thought it wasn't too bad ... the ginger and apple give it a little zing and the greens really didn't taste like that much.

But the shoes! Do you still have your Y2K shoes???

I second (third) putting "Everyone needs cute shoes for the apocalypse" on some shirts and stuff. I may have bought my apocolypse shoes today!

There have been a bunch of other great green smoothie recipes in the comments, but I think the best advice is to just start adding a little bit of green to your usual smoothie, increasing over time. Also, only use greens you actually like the taste of! I usually just use spinach or celery.

Also, it helps to have something creamy in there. It seems to cloy the "green" taste. I either use a banana or soy milk.

If your smoothie is still really thick and stringy but the blender won't blend it any finer, add more liquid. I find this especially important for things like celery -- I hate being able to feel particles of those "ribs" in my mouth!

This is what I usually put in a smoothie:

- (base fruit) 1 banana, peeled
- (berry component) 6-8 large frozen strawberries, two handfuls of frozen raspberries, blueberries, blackberries, whatever
- (cored or pitted fruit component) one pear or apple, cored and sliced, or some frozen peaches
- a handful of spinach
- one or two celery ribs
- ice
- water or soy milk

In defence of mung beans!

My old flatmate Marissa from Sri Lanka taught me a fantastic mung bean dish called lunu miris. You cook some mung beans, while they are cooking you chop up a red onion as small as possible, put it in a mortar with some lemon juice, salt and chili powder and bash it up a little. Then serve the mung beans with some of the onion mixture and lots of coconut. It really is tasty!

Thank GOD you said it was gross. I wasn't going to believe you if you said anything different. :)

That recipe is missing something.....VODKA!

I used to make "green drinks" for me & my kids; they called it a compost smoothie.

Plain Jane - ROFL. Compost Smoothie! Bwahahaha.

I am not a huge kale fan but I once made soup with some kind of greens, I think it was kale, and lentils and lime juice. It was supposed to be a way to get winter greens (kale grows in much colder conditions than something like lettuce). It wasn't bad.

Health food with no taste? I once bought a box of crackers that the box said something like "finally, a fat free cracker that doesn't taste like the box it comes in!" That was funny, but not very accurate. The crackers did taste kind of like cardboard. On the other hand, no taste is probably better than kale smoothie taste.

You read the National Enquirer?

I can top that.

I once bought a copy of the Enquirer because there was a photo of a friend of mine riding a motorcycle I helped him build on the cover. There was also an article about him and the bike inside.

You read the National Enquirer?

I can top that.

I once bought a copy of the Enquirer because there was a photo of a friend of mine riding a motorcycle I helped him build on the cover. There was also an article about him and the bike inside.

I think all these tummy-cleansing bits are a total fad. As long as your eating plan it pretty balanced & healthy and you don't have any (real, diagnosed-by-an-MD) gastric issues, bodies are really really good at keeping themselves as clean as they need to be. In fact, when it comes to critters that belong in your guts (I'm sorry, "intestinal flora"), more is probably better.

(My mother believed it was important to challenge your immune system. At least, that's what she said when she ate potato chips that had fallen on the floor.)

What a contrast between the good (pretty) berry smoothie prior and the bad (ugly) green smoothie. (You have a great looking blender.)

My smoothies have so far been the yogurt - protein powder (I like whey) whatever fruit is around (fresh, frozen, even sometimes canned) and a couple of ice cubes, regular or soy milk or orange juice. (It's different every time).

I do like the carrot and green juice blend at Trader Joe's but don't ever try blending a carrot - it will kill your blender. Need a true juicer for that.

Keep those food ideas coming!

First, what is the difference between a Meyer lemon and a regular ol' lemon?

Second, has anybody tried the Bolthouse Farms "Green Goodness" drink? http://www.bolthouse.com/html/cs_green_juice_n.html Every time I go to visit my folks in the States my mom buys me a bottle of that for breakfast. *Love* it. I thought it would taste terrible with all the green stuff (broccoli, spinach, wheat grass, etc.), but I was pleasantly surprised.

Green in the morning truly frightens me.

Cold Drink - yep, you gotta draw it out, like a proper southern gal: all together, slowly now..

Cole Drank

Not sure I could try to eat (not to mention stockpile) a food that Wikipedia says means "Possibly from 'Mash Until No Good'." M.U.N.G. ??!!

Ooh, yeah, Lali - that Green Goodness drink IS yummy! Even my kids like that one. Wonder if I can recreate it? (trying to cut out buying individual plastic containers)

I regularly make smoothies for breakfast, and I always add baby spinach (no stems) and carrots. Actually, I put those in first and let them liquify before I add the other things (banana, yogurt, frozen fruit). And I ALWAYS add blueberries or blackberries to hide the color. You can't really taste the spinach through the berries...

I Heart Smoothies! They rock because every time the fruit bowl starts looking a little bruisy, you can just chop up whatever's there and throw it into the freezer for next week.

A green smoothie that actually tastes good:
1 cup water
2 bananas
handful of strawberries, fresh or frozen
bigger handful of fresh spinach
couple of ice cubes

If you want a smoothie to taste good, always use bananas!

I actually didn't think it sounded that bad. It has a lot of the same ingredients as Naked Food's Green Machine or Odwalla's Superfood. Both of which I LOVE and drink as frequently as I can, usuallly a 4-8 oz glass a day. It's fantastic!

This reminded me of seeing Demi Moore on Letterman last night...she was talking about putting leeches on her belly button! I yelled to my husband to turn off the telly! GROSS! How is that cleansing???

Lali, Meyer lemons may be kind of a coastal thing. They grow in areas that don't get as hot as regular citrus growing areas. They are smaller and sweeter than regular lemons, and have a thinner skin. Many recipes call for using a whole cut-up meyer lemon, skin and all.

Anyway, if you don't have a Meyer lemon tree, you can buy them but they are expensive!

I do have a Meyer lemon tree that won't quit, and now I'm thinking about adding one to a smoothie.

Hold the kale, please.

so without even reading what you wrote, one look at the pictures told me all i needed to know... there is NO CHANCE ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH i would EVER let something that looked like enter the realm of me!!! i'm sorry, but that is the MOST DISGUSTING looking concoction i have seen in a LONNNNNNNG time!!!

Kale is much better lightly stir-fried with a little garlic and some thinly sliced red onion. Trust me.

After reading your last post, I took the plunge todayand added a handful of spinach to my morning smoothie (strawberries, banana, vanilla soy milk, splash of orange juice). The results? Pink plus green equals gray. The taste? Surprisingly, just fine. I will henceforth drink my smoothies in while reading blogs to distract myself from noting the grayness in the glass.

Your mention of the Y2K debacle brought back memories. At the time I worked in the Network group of a large IT company. We worked in shifts on New Years - I drew the 3 a.m. shift - and as I predicted it was absolutely boring - except for the food - my employer fed us like royalty. Now if only I'd worn my cute shoes that night!

Wow Laurie,

I am impressed! I didn't think you were a "raw" kinda girl! I have been dabbling in the raw thing for about a year now and I have MANY raw "uncook" books. If you ever want any good recipes, I have plenty! One incredible recipe I found was making angel hair pasta out of zuchini (you need a nifty and cheap gadget called a "spiralizer") you make the sauce out of fresh tomatoes, garlic, parsley, sun dried tomatoes and dates for sweetness.. it's delicious.. and no kale in sight! The sauce tastes like it's been simmering all day, but it's all RAW... yum!! I also have some recipes for raw ice cream... hazelnut vanilla among others... also, organic red wine is considered raw.. and a really good sweetener is raw agave nectar, which you can find in whole foods I believe. It's low on the glycemic scale and tastes way better than honey in my opinion.. trader joes carries it too... anyway, I know TMI, but I just had to share some of my raw findings since we were sort of on the subject!

Laurie,
I am so glad that you posted that this drink was disgusting. When I started to read about it I thought for sure I would have to make some green lemonade today, then I started to read the ingredients and thought "I don't think I like the sounds of this" but then if you drank I could too. Then I saw the pictures...
Like my dad always says, "if it's not broke don't fix it" stick with your good old smoothie recipe! :)

I am not crazy about kale, but I often throw a handful of spinach into my smoothies and can't taste it at all. The sugar from the fruit covers up the spinach flavor. Kale is sort of a meaner green, though, I can see where it would be gross.

I'd also like to recommend the Magic Bullet ( www.buythebullet.com ) for all your smoothie needs, as it is almost as good as the commercial says it is.