Oh, the unmitigated gall of people who write to strangers and tell them how to solve their "problems." It was obvious to all of us that the Liquor Bank post was a joke. Memo to buttinsky-type people: Mind your own business.

I was struck by this:

"I think it is impossible to really ever know someone else all the way through, and amen for that."

I agree. I think it's probably our life's work to get to know ourselves. That's hard enough.

Love your blog! Loved hearing about Rome -- I went in October, 2005 and enjoyed every minute.

I thought the Liquor Bank was hysterical and totally miss being able to go places like that to buy alcohol (here in PA you have to go to a State run liquor store - pain in the ass).

And I love your "brick" theory. Of course, now I've got Ben Folds Five's "Brick" going through my head. . .

MmMmmmmm truffles. Have you had the truffles from Trader Joe's? Fortunately, those are only around for the holidays. Otherwise...

Thank you! I needed an explanation, and quite frankly the bricks don't float one, makes absolute sense. I had to make an extremely difficult decision and my entire family has put their bricks worth of weight on me. If I hold onto their bricks I can't flow/float. (I Drown!) WOW!
Thank you

I have a theory about all of us commenters for you. It certainly applies to me.

I (we) have been reading your blog for months/years, and have come to love you just the way you are, and your beautiful cats, family, and friends, have laughed with you and cried, lived in LA through you, etc. I (we) are sure that if we had a chance, we could be your best friend! When people comment about how to get videos, or wine consumption, it's not about telling you to change your mind, but more of "look at me, I like you, my answers must be valid, won't you be my friend?"

I love your introspection blog posts. And you. In a totally friend-type of way.

OMG nifer: You actually just brought the wisdom to the theorem, because I hadn't thought it all the way through. You are so right! If you get too many bricks piled on you, you drown.

I love theories. I truly do. I think a good, thoroughly cheesy metaphor can solve just about anything. And I adore metaphors. I used to get red marks on all my papers for metaphor over usage.

"But then I went on vacation and detoxed on pasta." Love it! Maybe I should detox with some carmel ice cream.

I have to tell you, your post about perception is so much better than a lecture I did on that very topic this semester! Well said!

Hi Laurie
Thank you so much for that. I need to remember that when I get hate mail from strangers, but it's so hard. (in Harvey Fierstein voice) "I just wanna be loved, is that so wrong?".
But we all need to remember we are not responsible for how others see us. That's their deal.
Thank you thank you...
Your theories are right on, and I'd love to hear more.

It's not truffles. It's those Lindor things. Or are they the same?
Thanks for the brick thing. I think I'm trying to shake off a big pile right now.

I love the Liquor Bank post and thought it was awesome. I also love a tipple. And I love you (in an internet friend way.)

For me, because I drink, it's totally okay or whatever, but some people can't conceive of good wholesome CAP drinking because its not part of their self defined "good" behavior.

My parents think I don't drink and am still the big ole V (at 29!) It's just not part of their self-definition of a good person, so it's a Don't Ask Don't Tell situation :)

Nicely put, Laurie!:)

Wonderful post! Love the theories (I'm a total theory person, too, and have friends who are forced to listen), and completely agree with all of your statements. I'm glad that the good outways the bad when it comes to sharing a piece of yourself with others. I for one had wanted to start a blog for awhile, and after reading through yours and being a fan for awhile, I finally started it. You are an inspiration, and from what I've read in the comments of many of your posts, you have helped many people who have been in situations similar to yours!

Bravo!

Mary, thank you for that. Also, I was sitting in the waiting room at the doctor's office the other day and I was thinking about my life and you know, life span, and how ridiculous most of the things I stress out about are in comparison to things such as life span. And I started laughing about the netflix thing. In the waiting room. LAUGHING MY BUTT OFF. I was so irritated that day! I remember telling Faith, "I just wanted to tell a story, I didn't want to be hollered at or signed up for amway!" (I equate many things to amway, probably should develop a theory on it.)

I know it's my own stuff working itself out in the weirdest way. But of course no one can ever know what's really happening in your life unless you tell them. Most of the time I do pretty well with the input, and sometimes I crack. Thank god for "laughing about it later" moments.

Ooo, I too had a problem with the Whole Foods Truffles. I detoxed on cupcakes. Now I need to find a fix for that - maybe Doritos....

Love your theory - it's genius. I have also been working on not being a slave to my assumptions about other people. Here's a fun but challenging game I've been playing to develop this skill: Everytime some jerk cuts me off in traffic or pulls some other automotive circus stunt, I try to avoid creating the story in my head that makes me want to remove their intestines with my bare hands (e.g., "He is an inconsiderate suicidal devil person who got up this morning JUST TO PISS ME OFF.") Rather, I try to create a story that makes me want to give him a hug: "He just found out his wife, who was kidnapped by terrorists last year, is alive and he is trying to get to the airport to meet her plane." Sometimes I just end up making myself laugh, but it's better than shooting out his tires.

I was visiting my wonderful, wonderful Grandma a few years ago and said yes, I'd love some Sticky Buns. She was shocked, you see, because when I was about eight years old she'd carefully written on the back of the recipe "Lauren doesn't care for these." I just love that memory, and thank you for bringing it up for me to enjoy it again.

Also, mmmm, truffles. I second the Trader Joes suggestion.

Oh, I feel like I wrote this! People do always see you as one way, usually how they first knew you, and it's so hard to keep up with how people change. I have a great uncle who has been sick for most of my adult years. In his eyes, I am a shy 7 year old who clings to her parents. Every time I see him he asks me if I have found a man to take care of me, and that I should get to thinking about that. It used to drive me crazy, but now I see that he's only saying it because he cares, and he thinks that is what I need.

Who knew? I loved the picture and left it up on the computer for my husband to see. He likes a beer with dinner and a glass of wine in the evening, and he doesn't need a 12-step program either. I read your blog because I like it. I get a little lift when I open it and you've written something new. Please keep it up and be how you are. Isn't it funny how "slew" rhymes with "eschew"?

I loved the Liquor Bank so much I printed a copy and put it on my bulletin board at work! To me, a 12 Step Program is finding a place for the wine that's never more than 12 steps away.

Debbie

The only person whose expectations you need to live up to, is yourself. Everyone else can go fuck all the way off. Seriously.

My own theory, which I shall now inflict on you -- it's really easy to connect to someone when they're going through a less-than-stellar period in their life (one which you chronicled to some degree in your blog, then book). It's totally easy to commiserate.

But when you change and grow, that forces the people around you to also change and grow, on some level. Some come with you. Some don't. And generally the ones who don't change, end up sniping at you for changing, being different, and giving you backhanded compliments about how different you are. Sometimes that's unconscious, sometimes it's malicious. Either way, it's their problem, not yours. It's amazing how many people have so much invested in someone being broken in some way.

Look at the sniping as a direct reflection of your change and growth. ;)

I love your brick wall theory. It explains so well, so much.
I agree with Mary. Some of us want you to know we feel a connection, a camaraderie, a kinship. Learning not to judge every little thing is hard enough on ourselves; we shouldn't try with others!
Keep on with it Laurie. You are awesome. And awe-inspiring. Just stay away from the truffles. :)

You are so right about the truffles. I think chocolate in general has mind-control powers to get you to acquire and consume it, in quantities that you know perfectly well are not a good idea. Yarn has similar powers, I believe.

I am in suspense waiting to hear your other Theories.

Hm. Amway. I already have a theory on that, but it's long and directionless so I'll spare you.

I just think it's funny that you posted a picture (a picture, people!), and someone was able to construct a whole lifestyle for you.

I agree that as I get older and start to leave behind the gossips and judgement I get more and more of my younger self back. It's refreshing, really. I thought that girl was long gone, so it's always good when she stops in to say hi.

People wrote to you and told you to get help for your problem? That utter, absolute gall of them. Oh sure, it comes fro ma good place, maybe, but still. Really. Like someone who's never met you and who only knows you from your blog and, perhaps, book, could dare to evaluate you and your life and needs and habits and such.

People need to go buy themselves a life and quit throwing their bricks on your pile.

I LOVe the brick wall theory. Most awseome thinking.

Excellent post. I'm sorry you're getting all the bossy mail.

But on to more important things - for me it was COSTCO truffles and I do love the Lindor chocolates, too. We were talking in the office about chocolate ice cubes the other day - does anybody remember those? I googled it and apparently this is a retro/nostalgic candy that you have to order specially these days. Yum, they are good, too.

Only thing that would (debateably) make truffles better would be the addition of ALMONDS or some other kind of nut. Also, have you noticed how much better they taste at room temp than cold?

OK. Done.

Today you definetly said it all! When I turned 50, (I am now 15 minutes away from 60)I stopped being who everyone expected me to be. I received many "self help" suggestions. I did "help myself" and my success at becomming the authentic me has completely horrified my daughter, pushed a number of unnecessary people out of my life (my husband included) and given me moments of joy and clarity that I never imagined. Let all the people who want to "save" you , "save" themselves. Continue on your path, you are sure footed!

Laurie- love your post, blog, etc etc etc, don't ever change and never feel like you have to justify anything you do.

I read your blog every day and when I first found it, went back and read the whole archive! You have a great, positive impact on me and others. I am still working hard on my 'life-to-do list' (#1, start a business) which you help drive me to keep going (i.e. if you can publish a book, I can do this business thing too!) :)

A huge thanks-

Instead of brick walls, I subscribe to the luggage theory, in that I sometimes have to totally "repack" my luggage as I am dragging around things which weigh me down-expectations, bad feelings, old memories. When you start sinking, it is time to get rid of the heavy stuff and lighten up. Expectations, either my own, or that of others, always seem to do a number on me.

I love your perspective! Thanks for the self-helpy goodness!

Wonderful post, CAP!

I second the love for your introseption posts. Something about searching deep inside yourself and truly finding a beautiful human being is awesome. Defintiely keep them coming.

Good luck on your email issue.

My mom calls it the "I don't give a darn" years. Her theory is that many, if not most, women reach a point in their lives where they just stop caring what other people think. They often stop interfering in other people's lives, too.

As for the Jesus and AA stuff, let it roll off your back. Some people are so happy that they're healthier that they feel the need to make everyone else follow their exact same path to wellness. What they forget is before they ever started that path and how they felt about it, how everyone has a different path to follow, and those who dropped out of the program and they never hear from anymore. Someday, they'll wake up in horror and realize what they did was hurtful, and then you might get an apology. Maybe not. Either way, let it roll off your back. :)

what the heck is up with uptight people? jaysus... how is it NOT possible to realise that the drinking material is merely part of your (v funny) repertoire?!!

New to your blog. Really enjoyed this inciteful post. Excellent theories. A great FGO for me. :)

I loved the Liquor Bank and no, I do not need a 12-step program thank-you-very-much. I do, however, need a cyber club to administer dope-slaps to those know-it-alls who wrote you about cleaning up your act. Jeeeeesh. (actually, after just proof-reading my beginning, I COULD use a remedial typing class.)

Bricks don't float, do not collect any bricks you yourself have not chosen with a knowing mind and heart. Great theory - probably a life saver (savour/savior too).

I wish there was a Liquor Bank in Minneapolis then I would know where all my damn money went to. I also have many theories that make my friends throw things at me or groan or maybe leave the coffeshop or bar, and rants, and worry stories, a story about a thing I am worried about. For example two children with hyphenated last names get married and have a child. How many last names does that poor kid have? People are just not considering the truly important issues of our time and I sure am glad you are CAP.

Great post! I like your theories. They make a lot of sense to me. Keep up the good work.

Why do people take it upon themselves to feel they need to save or fix people? I don't recall you asking for any help! Sigh. Maybe they should fix themselves.

I loved the picture and thought it hilarious! I also enjoy the brick theory of luuuv.

My personal theory of people without humor/the ability to 'get it'/stone-throwing, glasshouse livin'/small town/small mind residing folk is simple: F*ck them!

This is a theory that drives my mom batty, but works for me. I think the foul language sent her over the edge. Onwards.

Keep on developing your theories! We'll all pray for you and your shameful truffle ways ;)

Oh and I just remembered! The Yarn Harlot posted something not too long ago, basically stating that if you wouldn't say it while sitting on her couch at home next to her, please don't post it. I agree.

When I read your book and saw the stuff about the hardware store-cum-diver I thought, whoa! how did we not know about that? Then I suddenly remembered my literary training and "the unreliable narrator." I'm also astounded by how much people think they know about bloggers. I, for one, blog under an assumed name, a nom de blog if you will. Nevertheless people will think they know, no matter how many theories we have.

I cannot believe I am the first person to point out that all in all, you're just another brick in the wall.

Thank god for the Pink Floyd reference. I thought no one would use that!!! This is one of your best Laurie!!!

xo

Donna you almost made me pee my pants! Too funny!!!

I got that you were kidding and I thought that post was heelarious. I don't think that people who really have a problem joke about it like you do.

I think getting a bunch of emails from people who didn't know me would drive me crazy. You always handle it like a champ and with a terrific attitude. I look up to you and often think before hitting that "post" button "hmmm...what would Laurie do?" You rock, sister! xo

Is this weird or what? I read this entry, and then the next thing down from you in my newsreader is Dilbert. Check out today's comic.

http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/archive/dilbert-20080227.html

It is truly one of those bizarre coincidences.

Wonderful writing - clear and it gives me the BIG permission to BE. You are topnotch. I'm starting to read a book on mindfulness and the fellow wrote this sweet-swearing line, something about how the world needs all its flowers, just as they are and those flowers are each of our lifetimes. It made me think of you and your writing about the journey to get clear and authentic and enjoy the gifts of this waterball. Oops, I'm getting all global now. Thank you and...back to work for me. :)

Everyone is out to save the world but doesn't pay attention to what is going on in their own lives. Alcoholism is a real disease. I think that most people who talk and joke about it the way you do are fully aware of their relationship with the hooch and the comments are for entertainment purposes not cries for help.

2 thoughts surfaced when I read this post: I, too, enjoy my glass of wine every night(sometimes a wee bit more, but when you live alone there's always the fear of something happening while intoxicated, so I try to keep it to one), and I've noticed you have to be careful about idle drinking comments, people do tend to form opinions and the next thing you know, they've decided you have a problem. I consider a good bottle of wine a sublime treat and I deserve it, that's how I think of it.

The second bit of wisdom was shared with me by a psychiatrist years ago: What other people think of me is none of my business. Remember that thought and do whatever suits you, as you said in another recent post, you have to live your life, not anyone else.

That was a thoughtful and well written response to waht sounds like not completely thoughtful behaviour - good for you! I thought the Liquor Bank photo was hilarious. I wish I had a Liquor Bank!

I hate it that you got judgmental email. Hate it! That liquor bank post was one of the funniest I've seen on a blog in a long time. It really bugs me that people feel they need to email you telling you what you are doing wrong, thinking they are "helping," when most likely they are just projecting some of their crazy stuff onto you.

p.s. I am new to your blog, via a link to the Brangelina hat pattern...just started making it last night. Thanks for sharing that!

OMG! I think you would really enjoy re watching (or for the first time) that Eddie Murphy movie Holy Man totally funny but full of good insights.

http://www.amazon.com/Holy-Man-Eddie-Murphy/dp/0788814907/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1204140087&sr=8-1

Love and Laughter,
Amy

Laurie, if you started a church, I would be there bright and early every Sunday morning. And I like my wine too, so getting up that early is unheard of. Preach it, girlfriend!

I get your brick theory more than I would like to admit. The wall I have in front of me is made almost entirely my own mortar of lonliness. I'm using spit, gum, glue sticks and plain ol' prayer to keep that puppy together. It's exhausting. I'm about to give up. I mean it.

And I won't waste my typing energy ranting about complete strangers who tell us how to live our lives. Let 'em judge! They're just bored - that's why they're reading *our* blogs.

This is me, reminding you to tell us the Bumper Guy Theory.

;-)

You know what's funny? You can read all sorts of different books on exactly what you talked about and not get it and then someone says it in a slightly different way and "bingo"! A Light comes on and a chorus of monkeys sing "it's about damn time idjit!".

Really, thank you for your introspective post. It comes at a time in my life where I believe I need it most and plan to print it out and keep it where I can see it every day. Time to stop trying to figure out what other people expect from me and just be me (that's a difficult lesson for me, truly)

my co-workers are convinced that I am an alcoholic because I like a drink now and then. Geees! "Give me a break!" I would like to tell them, but they wouldn't listen. Some people just make up their mind that others have problems so they don't have to think of their own for awhile.
My father was an alcoholic. It was real and it was ugly. I am like you, I like me some real beverages now and then.
Tonight I will toast you with a lovely Mexican Beer with lime!
Thanks for the best blog on the web!! Now MORE CAT PICTURES....PLEASE!!!!

When I was a little girl and visited my grandparents (full-blood Italians) everyone would be served wine with dinner--even the kids. We were expected to drink that very small amount of wine, "it is good for you; it'll help you digest food better, etc." Maybe all those negative people should step down off their soap box and have a nice glass of wine and RELAX!!! (Love those Italians!)
By the way, love your brick theory! I think, no, I know I've got a few bricks on board right now that I need to chunk in the river!

Seriously? Some people who don't know you and are never likely to meet you are sending you emails about fixing your life? Have they not been readiing this blog with their eyes open? If (heavily underdlined) your life needed fixing in anyway then surely you obvously had a handle on that?

Ooooo! Too much spare time that's their problem. They should come around and clean my windows!That would keep 'em busy!

As you say, we don't really know what you're up to. But I still think you're cool. People can be so super judgmental and it gets to me too. I try to think that they are just projecting their own issues on to me. It doesn't always help.

I have a story though about people's perceptions...I'm not a big drinker but have been known to get somewhat completely drunken a few times back in the day. By a few I literally mean two or three times in my life (yes, I am somewhat uptight). Anyway, I have a friend who has never seen me so drunk and may actually only even know of one of these episodes but she never fails to tell new people we meet of my drinking issues and basically implying that I have a bit of a reputation. (others would say my issue is that I drink too little) and it's embarrassing really. People just construct their own convenient realities I guess.

Thanks for your introspection.

"Bricks happen" ... that's a waaaayy better bumper sticker than "Sh*t Happens"!!

Between the theories and manifestos being developed at your home, it is amazing what you all accomplish.

As you say, we don't really know what you're up to. But I still think you're cool. People can be so super judgmental and it gets to me too. I try to think that they are just projecting their own issues on to me. It doesn't always help.

I have a story though about people's perceptions...I'm not a big drinker but have been known to get somewhat completely drunken a few times back in the day. By a few I literally mean two or three times in my life (yes, I am somewhat uptight). Anyway, I have a friend who has never seen me so drunk and may actually only even know of one of these episodes but she never fails to tell new people we meet of my drinking issues and basically implying that I have a bit of a reputation. (others would say my issue is that I drink too little) and it's embarrassing really. People just construct their own convenient realities I guess.

Thanks for your introspection.

Or you could just say..."I'm a writer. It's my f***ing public persona! Do you actually think I'm going to put every detail of who I really am on public blog for you to judge? I may be an unrepentant alcoholic on a chocolate and yarn binge, but I'm not stupid."

Love ya! Ya keep me smilin'.

Some people didn't realize "Liquor Bank" was a joke? Sheesh! If we give them a quarter, will they go buy a sense of humor?

Now what's weird is the COFFIN Stores in strip malls in Houston! (right next to the bridal shop and the baby store!)

1. I don't drink. I don't think it's good for people but I'm not about to tell anyone who does that it's bad, I assume they know anyways. Who am I to rain on people's parade? And besides, the "Liquor Bank" was hilarious.

2. People give advice to connect. That's just how we are. I like to listen to everyone, smile, nod, thank them and then do whatever the hell I want anyways. ;)

I work with a Vietnamese guy who's in the process of trying to get his fiancee into the US from Vietnam. Someone set them up, and he's only met her once or twice, but they've corresponded a lot through letters and phone calls. He's been single a long time, and is very nervous about getting married. He told me that he fears marrying someone that he doesn't know 100% (yes, he literally wanted to quantify how well he knew her).

I finally told him that after 5 years of dating, and nearly 9 years of marriage, I still don't know everything about my husband. I can't remember what percentage I gave him, but maybe around 75%. In the course of this very weird conversation, I realized that I'm grateful that it's not at 100%. How boring would it be to be with someone whose every move you could predict? I love that we're still learning about each other, much as we're still learning about ourselves.

When I was a kid, I thought that once you were a grownup, you stopped changing and growing, and that was it. Not that I'm ostensibly a grownup, I see that I'm still figuring out who I am, and trying to improve myself. The stagnation that I thought was inevitable is now the thing that I most want to avoid.

Fabulous post, btw. I love your theories, and promise not to throw anything at you, virtually or otherwise.

Eslew, v., to eschew the slew.

Gesundheit.

I love your blog and your openness. I lurk every day. My one thought when I saw the pic was "I could work there! I definitely have accounts there!"

Awesome theories. I like the idea of constantly asking what someone might like for dinner, just in case they come up with something that surprises you and then you can learn something new about them. Or movies, or what they want to do, or whatever. Point is, I suppose you never really can know a person inside and out and it's only in the presumption that you do that the stagnation in a relationship comes.

Is it awkward that I wish you lived around here so I could buy you a drink and get some advice?

Is there a 12-step program for people who like to take photos of funny signs, license plates, etc? If so, we should send the people who like the tombstone generator too! We should all go, because "the end is near" (reference to tombstone generator).

I was very upset when I saw the photo of the Liquor Bank.

"What is wrong with Laurie?" I thought. "Doesn't she know those places are overpriced. Liquor is so much cheaper at Trader Joe's!"

But, it's your life. No assumptions.

Okay, now I HAVE to try the truffles! I see them every week at Whole Foods wondering if they are any good.

I like your theories, btw. Good for making one think.

Being less judgy is good for everyone all the way around. I sure have been learning that lately, though I may miss the mark sometimes. But it's a learning process. I can't presume to know someone thoroughly, even my husband, deep down inside. Heck, I don't even know myself totally! And like you said, it makes life more surprising. Less boring, that's for sure.

I'm more content the times I DO put away my judgement robes. I may not agree with what someone else has said/done but they are usually coming from a place different from my own. And anyway, I don't want to be judged like that either. I have been in THAT situation more times than I care to count.

The Golden Rule should still count for something: "Do unto others what you would have them do unto you." Or something like that. You know what I mean. ;)

Thank you for the brick theory - it is a very helpful way to think about some changes that I would like to make...i.e. it is time (past time) to unload a few. Maybe I could find a good use for those extra bricks...like, hmmm, I don't know...throwing them thru the windows of the folks with NO sense of humor who think that you are an alcoholic because of your funny post? Perhaps that is too harsh. I am sure you are right and that they meant well and were trying to be helpful...I will try to remember that zen like attitude when others overlay their own issues onto my life and then judge me for those issues!

although you claim to have been daydreaming in biology class, i think you were subconsciously paying attention. because your brick wall theory, totally one of the laws of thermodynamics. i don't remember which one. maybe the third. but it talks about energy not being created or destroyed and that everything in the universe goes from a state of order to greater disorder. a perfect example being the brick wall. men don't put any energy into the system which is why the wall falls apart whereas the women put all of the energy into system building the wall up.

ok, maybe it's not exactly the same thing.

by the way, i was coming up with my theories in english class

You know.... considering where you live, the 12-step meetings could be more star-studded than the Oscars. Just think of the places your career could take you with the connections you could make there!!

Sometimes when I blog I'm later amazed at how long my post is. I don't feel like I typed THAT much. Well, I feel better today as I scroll down your page looking for The End. LOL You crack me up.

PS, at least you don't have pictures of trash bags filled with wine bottles in them in the back ground, like one of my friends had on her blog.

Remember that scene in Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion where Romy goes to an AA meeting to find a boyfriend? CLASSIC.

Rayleen, it is very clear to me I need to begin work on book #2 IMMEDIATELY because without it I am just writing whole damn novels on this poor website. It's sad, really.

I have a great theory about how a man dances and how well he performs in the bedroom....all my friends that have heard it agree.

See, the thing about blogs is that people only see what you post... ergo, if you post about drinking, ALL THEY SEE is the drinking and don't realize that you have a life *out*side of it.

I'm in your City of Angels for the first time today and I can't get over the palm trees! And the weather! We took off from Indianapolis in flurries!

I absolutely love your brick wall theory. You know how when you hear (or read) the truth it just *feels* like the truth? That's how I felt about your posting today. Thank you. I've been lurking for quite a while, but I had to say "thank you" today. By the way, my theory was always that testosterone makes you lie and estrogen makes you gullible, but I like the brick wall theory better. Thanks, again.

I try to live by the sage advice that my dad on a coffee mug at work when I was a kid.

"F**k 'em if they can't take a joke"

I love your theory. And we all think you're great "just as you are". Whoops, slipped into Bridget Jones chick-flick mode there for a sec.

To add to Sarah's, we used to say "Joke 'em if they can't take a f**k." I always love reading your blog. Funny on the changing. My mom is still stuck on the fact that I live in the country because of something I said when I was THIRTEEN years old.

1) I agree wholeheartedly with Anna (10:56 post). Blog authors share only what they want--it is not the complete picture. Thus, we got another nugget of the story from your book, when you were ready to share it with us.

2) If there is a 12 step program for chocolate or truffles, I don't want to know about it. I DO NOT have a problem with chocolate. So there.

3) I'm still reading the CAP archives, and last night, as I was reading from late 2006 through the new year 2007, I came across two things that reminded me the limits of what we see in your life. First, you referred to your personal paper diary. I was amazed that you had/have the time to write a diary for yourself as well as the one you share with us. I'm sure the details there are more intimate, potentially more repetetive (recurring issues/themes) and certainly more raw than what you share with us. I suspect, however, that even if they were read together, the Laurie they expose is still incomplete. Second, and somewhat more telling to me, is your annual resolutions. Every year when you post them, there are a few that say "private." I can't tell you how much I respect that; we don't need to be privy to everything you feel/need/want to change.

4) Those who are offering you suggestions on how to help yourself have apparently missed the dramatic improvement you have already CHOSEN to make over the past 3 years that you've shared your life with us. These people are, probably, only seeing the mortar they have imposed on their brick wall that represents you. I have to wonder how your real life friends who also read your blog and who know you better than we can ever know you through the screen, reacted to these concerned folks. If I've read past posts correctly, they've drunk with you!

5) We don't need no education... (Thanks, Donna!)

OK, some people have obviously never heard the word "facetious" - cleverly amusing, playfully jocular, humorous. You say the things I only wish I could get away with posting on my blog.

LoL! Wow- its nice that folks care-but damn- we're all WAaaaay too serious!
I really like your brick wall theory! You may think it's cheesy, but it's far more elegant than MY main theory of dating which is: Dating and men are like dogs and cars. Ever notice that dogs only chase cars that seem to be running AWAY? well, really interested men like women who seem just a leetle too busy for their sorry asses the very same way.
Please also note that dogs run AWAY from oncoming cars. And piss on the ones that are just parked there next to them. 'Nuff said.

YES! EXACTLY!

There have been some issues and people in my own life recently who have forced me to come to these same conclusions:

1. Perceptions are thoughts, and nobody can control your thoughts or think your thoughts FOR you—YOU are the only one who can control what you think about yourself.

2. Realizing that others will never completely fulfill certain expectations does free me from having to feel obligated to live up to their expectations of me. This is wonderfully liberating when the expectations of others hold very negative outcomes for me (such as expecting someone to still behave in the damaging, self-sabotaging way that they did when they were a teenager).

You're showing an enormous amount of personal growth, Laurie. Keep up the good work. I personally adore hearing your theories.

I think you are perfect - just the way you are.

First, you're theory seems pretty much spot on.

Second... Monday I bought a large bag of Lindt mini chocolate eggs. I ate ALL OF THEM myself, and i am THISCLOSE to going out and buying another bag... My name is Anne-Marie and I have a problem...

Thank you for sharing your wonderful self with us!

Laurie,
I have a theory that people who drive on the freeway with their windows down, drive slower. Hmmm...that could be interpreted in so many ways...
I love theories and the brick theory is an especially excellent one. Thanks for that,
Lu

so that explains hitting a brick wall!

bottoms up,
smokey

I am happy you are comfortable with being yourself, Laurie. 'Cause you do it better than anyone else ever could! :-)

Darn you. Now I want truffles. Freakin' enabler.

Have you read the Four Agreements, Laurie? Or the Mastery of Love? Both by don Miguel Ruiz? You put such a real life/here and now/LA spin on this ancient art of living your own life... I love it! thank you for these words! And I'm digging the bricks don't sink theory...

I'm trying to find a correlation between your Brick Walls of Relationships theory and the fact that when I was 16 I drove thru a brick wall and smashed it to smithereens. I wonder if that very act explains why I am still unmarried. LOL

Thanks! Again! Your perspective is so often exactly what I need to hear. You Rock!

I love the way people try to give advice. If I listened to my friends and enemies, I would be in a padded cell, which is where I should be anyway.

Don't people know that we are a different breed in Los Angeles? We are a city of drinkers, whether it be bottled water, green tea, skinny latte, frappuccino, soy milk, or green apple martini. A drink is never more than an arm's length away and I dare you to show me an Angeleno, anywhere, anytime, without a cup, glass or bottle attached to their hand. Cheers!

Good grief! Even I as obtuse as I can be at times "got" the joke. Thought it was quite funny, in fact. Showed it to my secretary who also enjoyed a good laugh over it.

Keep on, keepin' on!

Great post, per usual! I especially appreciated it today, as a teacher, because I've been having a hard time with some of my students. It reminded me that I have to allow them to be a different person each time they walk into my classroom. You have also influenced me more personally. I didn't realize just how much I had been doing this until I read your wonderful (I really do like them!) theories.

So, thanks! :)

Nice post! I quite like your philosophy about (paraphrase much!) just going 'pfft' at what others think of you. As you say, who really knows anyone!
And you know what 'they' always say, if you assume, you make an ass out of you and me!

I must say... your brick wall theory is dead on. I agree 100% and think you should publish a book on all your theories (if they are as correct as the brick wall theory, I know it would be a hit). Love the blog. Thanks for always making me smile, laugh, and want to be a better person.

I realized that I’ve been carrying around several bricks for a while. I am going to let them go now. Thanks for making my day.

I get this too. It's because in some parts of the country (like DC where i'm from) talking about drinking is like a frustration level guide. When someone is talking about how much they need it a drink it's like saying how bad their day is. They don't do that in Denver. People here think I'm a lush.

First time poster here.

Yesterday was my first day in a week without a King Size Snickers! What a triumph. It could be that it was becoz the car is broken and my Hubby did the shopping. Hehehe.

I've never thought you were a total lush! I speak about alcohol all the time and lately have had hardly any. I decided I was going to have a cold beer after the heatwave on Saturday, but never ended up having it. But I talked about it constantly!

I understand. Some don't. Some just want to run others lives perhaps? Or want to ruin their fun becoz they aren't having any? Or they are concerned I guess.

No car today, but no kids here either, I could walk to the shop for a King Size Snickers.......

Kyls

So *that's* why talking to my ex was like talking to... well, you know.

I really enjoy *reading* and *discussing* theories, so you just keep coming up with 'em!

This post hit me like a ton of... well, you know. I've done a lot of growing, but lately, I've really hit a... well, you know. It's because I had taken on so many others' bricks! And didn't even know it. I wasn't too worried, I mean I knew I'd gain clarity in time. I wasn't shi... well, you know... over it. Many thanks for the insight.

I'm so proud of how far you've come. I always felt like my thirties were like a second adolescence for me. I started out at 30 as an insecure little girl who cared way too much what others thought and what they had that I didn't. By my mid-thirties I started to feel much more comfortable being me, no matter how loud or fat or annoying I was. Now in my forties (43 to be exact) I don't give a whit what others think (except for my husband and sometimes my kids)and it is so freeing!. I just love being a crazy cat-rat-dog lady with freckles, big boobs and a bad attitude! I know who I am, what I enjoy and don't enjoy and don't feel competitive with others at all. Getting older is a blessing to me. I don't understand when people try to hide their age; I wear mine with pride. Age is wisdom so I guess that makes me an old wiseass!

I'm sorry that so many people are mean to you in emails. Some people just haven't learned that if you don't have anything nice to say it's best to say nothing at all. To hell with them!

Fay Weldon (English novelist) said in one of her early novels that when we're young we're made up of bits of the people that we admire, and as we get older, we get more like ourselves. I think there's a lot of truth in this, but the funniest thing about it is that Fay Weldon's early books are good and they got worse as she got older. Nowadays they're really bad. But she wrote The She Devil, a good book about finding out who you are.

I liked the Liquor Bank post too.

I totally can't have those Whole Foods truffles in the house either.

SO WEIRD that people write mean emails, I really don't get that. It's so odd they would think they knew enough about anyone from their blog that they would tell them how to live their lives! I love when Dooce puts up her mean emails so we can all taunt the writers.

(P.S. My cat Myrtle passed away unexpectantly almost two years ago, and I still miss her a lot. I miss Roy, too. Apropos of nothing, I know, I just wanted you to know people miss Roy right along with you.)

You crack me up! I too have a lot of theories. My favorite is my Marshmallow vs. Chicken Parmesan theory on dating. Everyone laughs about it until their next date.

If you do decide to join a 12 step program, let us know because I would definitely want to be in the same group you were in. It would be such fun!

You have good taste in words. :)

And I like your theories, too, cheese notwithstanding.

I still miss Roy, too.

Karen-- you MUST tell me this theory!!! I am dying to hear it.

Darnit, now I want truffles from Whole Foods, too.

Great post.

Does the water level rise as all those bricks are dropped in? Is that good or bad? Discuss.

(Just goofin') I think the water level would rise, all the better to keep sailing.

Hi! Just wanted to say that I love bars and liquor stores that can sound like something else when you tell people where you're going. Pesky neighbor says, "Where are you going?" I say, "To the bank," adding "the liquor bank" in my head. . . My favorite bar is called "Uncle Joe's" Where ya goin'? Over to Uncle Joe's. ..

Just say to anyone who questions you.

'I am not an alcoholic - because alcoholics go to meetings!'

Works for me.

Went to Sweden a couple of times and they have similar restrictions on buying drink - only low or no alcohol in supermarkets and special and very few shops that sell real drink (of course I Googled all their locations before I got there!

However I admit that I am the woman that took a bottle of red wine to France when we went on holiday (just in case things were shut when we got there!).You just never know.

BTW you are fab, an inspiration and a joy to read and yes please book no 2 asap.
Love Alison

Girlfriend, you are perfect the way you are. And I appreciate the wonderful way you handled this incident of people trying to improve you.

Love your blog too. It's on my blog roll and I mention you now and then in a post. (Latest one was "Laurie went to Rome and all I got was a blog posting.")

Oh ... and I thought the post with the "liquor bank" was hilarious!

Also -- I'm addicted to chocolate truffles. The people I work with know this and also that I am totally bribable with them. I proudly admit it and will never get near a 12-step for truffles. :D

Hmm...the bag boy at Ralph's huh? So what's he like? Just kidding Cap.
People will always have misconceptions. I've almost gotten to the place where I don't give a darn. It is is what it is right?

I mean...what it is is what it is...sorry

Although you have gotten plenty of messages already that "we" knew it was a joke!... I will chime in anyway!.... I really laughed and reading your posts make me laugh!... don't change a thing!... well, unless YOU want to... people get so hung up on other people's business... I used to read the comments on articles in USA Today but it is so depressing... people are SO judgmental!!...

I know it's been said before, but I could totally read a book of your theories!

I loved the Liquor Bank post! I think you're hilarious and never took the drinking comments seriously. Since I recently read all the archives all the way through, I recall that in the past you've gotten these kinds of emails. It just doesn't seem logical--if you really had a drinking problem, the last thing you'd do is tell a bunch of strangers about it. Not to mention you've been holding down a job through a horrible personal time AND paid off your debts AND gotten a book published? That would be pretty dad-gummned impressive for an alcoholic!

As for the theories, I'd love to hear more. I love theories. Waiting to hear about the marshmallows...

Whole Foods' truffles are fabulous. It's so hard to resist buying chocolate. Me to self: "I'll ration them to just one per day, two tops." Whoops, raging hormones = just until the box is gone.

Heck, I have the same addiction to Salt & Vinegar potato chips, Skittles, and anything chocolate!! For those telling you to enter a 12 step group, tell them to work their own program and stay out of yours! Keep on knitting girl and making us laugh!

My loving father thinks he HAS to buy me those damn truffles every single Christmas!! Thank the Good Lord I know have energetic and skinny children who can fight over said truffles and only leave a few for Mommy :o)

p.s. have you been hitting the Thesaurus Sauce again?? nicely turned phrases, dahling

After most of a lifetime of being a people pleaser I have finally found the freedom of just being me and allowing others to be the same. I realized a couple of years ago how far I had come. After several years of coloring my hair I got tired of the mess, expense and roots showing in about 5 minutes so I quit. It is now a salt & pepper mix--little heavy on the salt. The first time my stepdad saw me after getting all the old "color" clipped off he said "What happened to your hair?" "This is the real me!" I replied. Then he had the nerve to say "Well--I don't like it--I liked it better the way it was." Twenty years ago when I was your age that would have really hurt and upset me. But being a "granny" and a lot more comfortable with who I am now--I just laughed and said "I don't CARE!" Nice place to be--congrats laurie on getting there before being a grey headed old granny!!

Honey...you need to be dipped in gold for preservation. OK, maybe just your words and theories. Such wisdom.

My mother has been telling me my whole life a story about a girl and the shoulds that's similar to your bricks don't float theory. Every time someone told her she "should" do something (or she told herself), a rock was added to her bag. Eventually, she was so weighted down by her shoulds she couldn't move. Trying to live up to everyone's expectations overwhelmed her. Doesn't make it easy to let them go...it takes a long time to learn how to do it. I'm still working on it and I've been hearing it for decades now.

As for those Whole Foods truffles...OMG. An evil friend that I love gave me a box as a thank you gift. It's a damn good thing Whole Foods is extremely inconvenient for me or I'd be enrolling in a chocolate truffle 12 step program.

And the liquor bank? Awesome.

I had always heard that the best place to see a celebrity was AA meetings in Malibu. That and the vegetable section at the Malibu Ralphs.

But I guess that wouldn't include Al Gore. ;-)

I LOVE the Brick Wall theory! I can totally see myself in that.

I also love those truffles. I do not allow myself to buy them. Sometimes they have samples out in the store and I have to stop myself from grabbing the whole plate and running away (same with their guacamole, yummy).

Sheesh, doncha love the people who assume everyone else's lives are up for fixing? Love how none of them had the cojones to post publicly. Personally, I thought the liquor bank post was a hoot. I've never had the Whole Foods truffles but since I have a WF near work (abd its a payday) I will have to pick some up the weekend.

I swear Laurie, sometimes I think you live inside my head! But I mean that in a good way since you speak so much more eloquently (another under used word!) than I do.

I've been growing this past year and have my own theory:

f*** em all if they can't take you for who you are

also

it is better to be hated for what you are, than what you are not

All that really matters is your own level of happiness!

love Jill

Laurie, I loved this post! Some days you say exactly what I need to hear exactly when I need to hear it. Thanks for having the words to give voice to what so many of us feel but are unable to express.

There's a song I like to think of as my own personal anthem... and I'd like to thank AUDIOSLAVE for performing it SO DAMN WELL
(I love me some Chris Cornell)
BE YOURSELF ... is all that you can do..ooo.ooowooooo..........
Thanks for the wisdom Purl...
also I have a( ex-boy) friend who has a tatoo of a "brick" on his back.....?......

I get the same emails and comments about my drinking. That I might have a problem or that I should seek help or find Jesus. Whatever, I get it all. Instead of getting angry, I get a laugh out of it all. Just because I mention wine doesn't mean I'm drinking it every. single. night. Not only that but why should I be justifying my actions to a stranger? I don't understand people taking something as 'ha ha' to 'omfg you need help!'

you mean it is wrong to have a certificate of deposit at the liquor bank??

You know, I don't think I have ever formed an opinion of you one way or the other. I think I kind of equate you with the wind...you come from all directions and enjoy things as you go along. Personally, I find great solace is some of the things you write because believe it or not...I think the exact same way sometimes. I also understand about those damned truffles...hello, can I share that I gained an entire pants size from those damned things! What is worse..Whole Foods is literally walking distance from my house (my very handy excuse..oh I'll walk it off on the way home!). If more people were like you, the world would be a better if not more interesting place. LOL

(((Laurie))) This post is gonna have me up all night, evolving theories. I have them too, although not the same as yours, of course.

I had noticed that about knowing people. And I have noticed that I don't really *want* anyone knowing me inside out. You can call that fear of intimacy if you want, or you can call it a small but necessary dose of MYOB. People who read my blog regularly have a pretty good idea of my religion and politics, but that doesn't mean they know me.

I'll probably never know what it's like to have zillions of people thinking they know me, but I think I would find it scary until I realized that they didn't really, and then I would just find it vaguely funny.

Do people really comment on that and give you advice about your "alcohol problem"? Wow. OK, then, here's my advice...MYOB. I love your blog, but don't even pretend to know you, only the part of you that you write here. And that part, that little brick, I think is pretty damn funny, which was why I thought that liquer bank thing was pretty much wishful thinking. Or was it...(cue evil music here, as in Dun Dun Dun)

I think overmetaphorization is a sign of intelligence. Also that theorizing is a good way to reduce entropy (the word Maryse was looking for).

Because everyone is entitled to my opinion.

just FYI i thought the liquor bank post was hilarious. and not at all indicative of an alcohol problem. now, if you said you were going to take everything in the vault that might be a different story. . . . . .

and thank you for writing, and for your common sense. keep it up girl.

Love your post! (and I wish we had such banks in Canada!)

"It was a shaky few days and there were definite signs of withdrawal. But then I went on vacation and detoxed on pasta."

God love you for your moxyish humor. i totally get and enjoy it.

and your brick theories? thank you. this came at a perfect time when i've been too hard on myself, and have taken on too many bricks.

mck.

Love your blog! It's fabulous, made me want to knit! (Very poorly might I add... hahaha!)

Like someone who posted way up above, when I found your blog I spent hours and hours reading every post in the archive. But I sure wouldn't assume to know everything about you. I know from my own experience that what other people see is not necessarily the whole story.

I love your brick theories. I had one of those lightbulb moments when I read the Bricks Don't Float one. Once again you've written something that stopped me in my tracks.

Thank you so much for sharing the things you do share on your blog. You've had a really big impact on me--and not just on my knitting!

I thought the photo was simply funny. And while I think it is great that you have enough people caring for you to try an intervention on you, well, I think maybe a good silly caption on a strange name for a store is just fine.

You're kidding- people actually responded to yesterday's post with 'helpful' advice? I just L'dMAO, as they say... Liquor Bank- hah!! Folks are so judgemental.

Do you mean these truffles? And you're staying away from them? That's worthy of a full booking on the "Power of Self-Control" lecture circuit.

Whoops! Link got stripped. I meant these truffles:
http://kittbo.blogspot.com/2008/01/omg-wild-oats-les-truffes.html

I laughed out loud at the Liquor Bank picture -- and I'm a child of roaring drunk parents -- and I quit drinking 12 years ago when I started having chillen' -- and still I laughed out loud. I grew up in a stereotypical poor, drunken Irish family and one of the knee-slappin' most hilarious books I ever read was Angela's Ashes. My sister and I laughed our asses off through that book and all our friends cried through it and thought there was something pure-t wrong with us. That was a shining moment on my own brick theory -- that core way down deep inside of me that laughs at how f'd up life can be -- that's the best part of who I truly am. It's what I love seeing in your posts and photos and in the faces of your family.

Thanks for the laugh(ssss)!!

I have to vehemently disagree with you (breaking my long silence in your comments), but Trader Joe truffles are FAR superior! :-D

Laurie, I admire you more everyday. Thanks for writing this!

On the whole theory topic... I have a theory about the bottom of the ocean... To me it has always seemed odd that we send people up into space in search of god knows what when we have vast oceans that remain mysterious to us... so my thoery is that if there are aliens out there they get here through a portal in the bottom of the ocean. I base this theory on 2 simple facts. 1) we don't really know whats at the bottom of the ocean
2) have you seen the things that live down there on the discovery channel specials? do they look like they belong on this planet? I don't think so.

This is what I needed to read today. Thank you. :)

Wow. Your brick theory is exactly what my therapist said to me about my ex-husband - the therapist commented (he looked and sounded exactly like Ned Flanders from the Simpsons, right down to being a Christian therapist but he was superb) that my husband had some rather serious psychological problems, and it was amazing I had sustained 12 years of being married to that man - but it was because I looked at his eccentric behavior AND FOUND IT ADORABLE.

Which is kind of scary. So I'd say your brick theory is pretty darn accurate.

And when we women rule out a guy because, oh, gee, he's 45 and still lives with his mom and has a prison record and beats his dog, our friends tell us we're "being too picky."

I don't think you necessarily have a problem with wine, but I have noticed that when you blog about it, I tend to think to myself, "Hmmmm. A glass of wine would taste pretty good right now." I seem to be drinking more wine these days!

I made a chocolate cake last weekend for Frank, with ganache for the icing - 10 oz Ghiradelli dark chocolate mixed with 1 cup of hot cream until it's the consistency of pudding - spoon over cake. Mmmmmmmm! Ganache is what truffles are made from and I just gave you the recipe to make your own at home, from scratch. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I absolutely loved your book and I absolulety love your blogg. I think you are so darn funny and I love your thought process. More people should worry about what goes on in the their world, than others. Here I going judging, but one has to wonder why they would write that. I usually think there is a weakness on their behalf and somehow giving unwanted advise makes they feel better. If you ever come to NH I would just love to have a glass of wine with you. With me it is all about the glass, be it lovely, a grape jelly jar, whatever my fancy strikes me that day! Have a great day and happy wining!!! Is that a word?

I figure that I can't really stop myself from assuming things about other people. It's just hard. But for people I know mainly from the Internets, I keep my assumptions to myself. No one else needs to read them. It's hard to do that in day to day contact, because each assumption I make changes how I treat someone. Sad.

I love your photos. They are funny and lighten my day. The Liquor Bank makes me think of a laundromat near where I used to live called the Lost Sock. They just feel indicative of the owner's humor (I'm projecting) and the clientele they wish to attract.

I don't quite understand why strangers (and that is really what we readers are for the most part) feel the need to make recommendations of what you should be doing in your life. Seriously, don't these folks have things in THEIR OWN LIVES that they should be worrying about?

Your blog and writing are fantastic... and as a loyal reader, I am honored to be allowed to see this piece of you that you put on your blog!

When I read your entry about the Liquor Bank, I laughed so much. I GOT THE JOKE! Apparently, a lot of people didn't get the Joke. As we say here in the country, Eff'em if they can't take a joke.

The Brick Theory is great! AFGO is great!

Letting go of what other people think is a huge jump into maturity. Great that you got it in your 30's. It took me till my 50's.

Love you, CAP, keep up the good work.

I must agree with comment #6, people who read your blog feel like they are your friends. I know I do - and I know this is "last week thing" but when I read that you wanted to go on your vacation to Croatia I thought "please do come someday, we can get a cup of coffee together:) or I'll cook something Croatian for you. Hell, you can stay at my place!(if you don't mind the dog):P". (What makes you interested in Croatia, anyway? I'd really like to know how "outsiders" see it.)

Iva from Croatia

Totally off topic. I have wanted to tell you since I found your blog, I have the sister of Sobakowa, she is the Queen of the house. She looks justs like Sobakowa and acts a great deal like her. She is called Baby, (totally unoriginal however she other names, like princess, tipper, misty, STOP THAT.. I love seeing the cat pics and reading of your exploits. Keep the blogs coming you have a great sense of humor.

First, I must apologize for laughing at the Liquor Bank post. I did not realize that it was a desperate cry for help.

It reminds me of an incident that happened to me a good ten or so years ago. I tend to be very accident and injury-prone from the knees down. So, one Saturday afternoon, I was tidying up the living room, and stubbed my toe on a big lamp, and broke it (the toe, not the lamp). So, I buddy taped it and lounged/hobbled around. My neighbor stopped by (she had a big crush on my roommate, whilst he and I had our own thing going on, but that's another story). I told her that he wasn't home, then she asked me what happened to me. I said, "I was clumsy this afternoon and broke my toe." Her response?

"My mother is an alcoholic too."

!!!!!!

I thought the liquor bank post was great, gave me a big laugh which was just what I needed, too bad people take things so literary, I could never do what you do. I'd be hurt all the time.

Good post! And I love the theory. On the other hand (for commentor number 1), when one puts themselves out there publicly (even such a small part as you (Laurie) do), you have to expect people to email in like that. We have the option of not making ourselves avaible by email to avoid this. It's not unmittigated gall at all, it is a safe assumption for one to think that it's ok to give unsolicited advice, when we make outselves publically available. Same thing when we "vent" to people. Unless we tell them right up front that we are only letting off steam and not asking for advice, then those we are venting to will automatically assume that we are asking for direction or advice.

Apparently there are those of us who tend to take things too seriously. Way. Too. Seriously. :)

Laurie, you are such a good sport! I think it's obvious to just about anybody with a brain that your bank post was a joke. I love to collect cheesy hair-salon names like Shear Elegance, or even better, pet-grooming salon names like Shampooch.! (My favorite is the Bark n' Tweet Pet Boutique in Chicago.)

So I related on that respect. About the dense people who can't see the humor - anybody with a keyboard can type an opinion, and that doesn't mean you have to take them to heart. I'm glad you posted the Brick Theory.

oops - that's The Barking Lot in Wheaton, IL...the Bark & Tweet is actually in Phoenix. When I'm going to say something crazy, I like to have my facts straight.

So I want to know if anyone that sent the judgey email is actually going to post and congratulate you here. I was scrolling quickly through and everyone seems to be "right on!"

And that picture was funny as hell.

And I dig the bricks. I get smacked with bricks every day. About every three minutes.

Really.

Damn bricks.

Some people just really, really, need a humour transplant. That previous post was an OBVIOUS joke.

Thanks for taking the time to write your theories. I was having a difficult day....

I find it positively amazing how rude people can be when they don't have to say it in person. Then again, I know some astoundingly rude people who DO say such things in person. There you are, having a quiet giggle at the absurdity of the store name when along comes a crowds of whoozits. The majority of them agree and are equally amused. Scattered bits of semi-human drecks are contrary by nature and feel the need to improve the lot of those they come across with the benefit of their (misguided and totally unwanted) counsel.
-----------

Those few bits manage to skunk the entire mood. Why I have a tendency to give more credence to the nay-sayers, puritan moralists, vitriolic-tongued vipers than the majority views I cannot say, and it does annoy me I am not better at ignoring them. I wish I could go "pish tosh!" and eject the episode from my mood and mind. I'm working on that.

---------------
YOU do great and are an inspiration, so thanks!

I loved the liquor store post! In fact, I shared it on my blog because it was too funny not too!!!!

Here it is if you'd like to take a gander...
http://trulytwistedmarketing.com/withdrawal-from-the-liquor-bank

Thanks for the "bricks don't float" theory...totally love it and "nifer's" addition to same theory. And AFGOs..haha, opportunities are nice, but can be exhausting. Anywho, I loved this post (as well as the one just prior).

Hey, just so you know, the weirdest thing just happened. I posted my comment but my name is coming up in the comment AFTER mine...I'm Sonya and looks like me and Kali got switched up, somehow! Just FYI.

You said: "Can you ever truly know another person? Because I don't think you can. I think it is impossible to really ever know someone else all the way through, and amen for that."

I am inclined to agree with you. But some days--most days, honestly--I don't even know myself. As in, I don't truly know myself. And that's lonely and scary.

People didn't get that the Liquor Bank thing was a joke? I thought it was hilarious!

Many of your posts (like this one) give me a lot of food for thought. Your theories rock, and so do you. (Or am I just assuming that about you?) ;)

"... and you'll be stuck in the same stagnant pool of water for a really long time."

Only a fellow Cancer would put it that way, but I love it. :D And it's a perfect description. Let things flow, go along for the ride, and you might see some wonderful scenery along the way.

Now wouldn't I like to read Crazy Aunt Purl's Theory of Everything. I'm fond of a theory myself. Even if it turns out to be wrong, then at least I learned something.

Now wouldn't I like to read Crazy Aunt Purl's Theory of Everything. I'm fond of a theory myself. Even if it turns out to be wrong, then at least I learned something.

Sounds like you could do another book for the rest of us "theorists". Love the bricks, loved the Liquor Bank, love the blog. You've made my day way more than once. Don't change a thing - unless you want to!

I think anyone who suggested you having a drinking problem hasn't taken the time to read your blogs or your book. Part of the reason I so enjoy checking out your blog is your sense of humor, sense of adventure, your sense of style, and creativity. Plus your in a warm part of the country, take great photos, make me laugh, and your a great traveler. Just because your blog is in my favorites by no means means I know you but... I thoroughly enjoy your humor. Keep on doing what your doing cuz your fine.

First of all, your drinking is fine. Second of all, I simply LOVE your Brick Theory of relationships and your explanation of dodging those thrown at us as we float down the river. You are spot on, and please keep it up. We need wisdom like yours out here.

Take care!

Those damn truffles. They're insidious and they're deadly, and they aren't so expensive that they would be easy to resist on the basis of finances. Have you tried the Cappucino ones?

I like your theories! And you know, if you are ever at a loss for a post, you could tell us another one!

Amen sister! Don't let anyone push you around. We already beat ourselves to a bloody pulp on a daily basis.

I enjoy your blog regularly and truly I admire your courage. Your story and words inspire me to start my own blog.... someday soon (researching blog sponsor sites now once I finish this post :-)

Namaste -OM

Love the brick theory! I hope you don't mind if I use your theory and build on it.

Laurie, I don't think you need to join a 12-step program. I don't normally comment, but I will on this one.

I think you are great just the way you are. (Not that I KNOw how you are because after all we never truly know how anyone really is. See? I read and learned) LOL As for your last entry, I thought it was quite funny/witty/ charming amd never once thought you were in dire need of 12 steps/detoxing. Frankly? If I didnt take BP meds i would still be banking there with a few CDs myself.
and before i forget, thanks for enlightening me on the brick theory. it explains a lot!

This is funny . . . here's Taurus' horoscope from the week of 28 February from www.freewillastrology.com: People close to you have been transforming. Be alert for the possibility that they are not who they used to be. Your ability to shape reality creatively in the coming weeks depends on you being able to recognize that some of the old truths about them have been replaced with new ones. Now study this passage from T. S. Eliot's The Cocktail Party: "We die to each other daily. What we know of other people is only our memory of the moments during which we knew them. And they have changed since then. To pretend that they and we are the same is a useful and convenient social convention which must sometimes be broken. We must also remember that at every meeting we are meeting a stranger." Of course, I love this play, but it's been so long since I've read it that I would never remember this quote.

Love love love your blog, but I do miss your horoscopes . . . although I'll forgive you. And although I might seem like it, I'm not a horoscope junky, really . . .

Apparently I am a man, which aside fromt he fact that I have the wrong plumbing and cry at Hugh Grant movies, is just fine with me as far as relationships go.

P.S. I love to drink, and people often think they need to comment. My mom is a therapist specializing in substance abuse. If I had a problem, even a tiny one, she would be on me like a fat kid on cake (or me on cake for that matter.

PPS I never thought I'd say that Oprah is right, but darn that Oprah. She's right.

PPPS I start out as a partially exposed pile of bricks. Makes you wonder where I end up huh?

I'm OK You're OK. Trust me, I was raised by a therapist and am therefore, by proxy, sane on a level most people can't even understand.

Wow, those are some pretty amazing theories for a 19-year-old mind to have come up with! Have you ever read The Four Agreements? It's basically an explanation of your Bricks Do Not Float theory...very self-helpy. I'd say I think you would like it but then again, I can't assume that! Once again, you've given me much to think about....and a great laugh with the Liquor Bank pic!

I love the brick theory. My own adolescent musings on relationships ended up being nearly identical to the Chinese red thread stories, and so seem less original and interesting than the brick wall idea. :)

As much as I love that the barrage of "OMG you're an alcoholic!" mails inspired you to write something insightful and thoughtful, there's one thing you might want to tell yourself next time people go bonkers en masse over what they think is your problem (and how you should solve it).

Your readers care about you. :) Some of us comment, some of us mail links of your blog to friends, and some of us show up to your book signings and mumble incoherently through impending tears about how knitting got us through rough times too and how we're so darn proud that you've written a book and gone to Rome on your own and done so well for yourself. And some, I suppose, want to share their Secret of Life with you, which happens to be 12-step programs and Christ. Or whatever.

They just care, that's all. :)

Remind me - one day, sooner or later, I will have to blog my old "Soul Food Processor" theory of reincarnation and relationships. Came up with that one during band camp senior year of high school. It was.... special.

And I need to make a withdrawal from that bank. :) Boo to folks who cannot take a joke!

Ah, grandmothers. Til the end of her days my grandmother (Mama Lou -- can you tell I'm a fellow (former) Southerner) would make sure the cranberries weren't anywhere near me at Christmas dinner because I spilled them on the linen tablecloth when I was NINE!

I worry more when you mention your germaphobia because it means you can never visit me.

I love to theorize and enjoyed hearing about a couple of yours.

Reading your theories on bricks, brick walls and life in general helped me today. I enjoy reading always...but this was great.

:)

OMG, that Liquor Bank post was so hilarious. I would have commented but I couldn't think of anything funny enough. Making a withdrawal, too good.

I like your brick theory. Sounds great.

I do think, thought, that it's OK to make assumptions about people (within reason, and with a sense of humor, people!). But let the brick wall get remodeled when you find out your knitting friend plays hockey. Or is a mom. etc.

People's comments to and about you are probably more about themselves than they are about you.

I have a very thin colleague who is always telling me she's concerned about some family member or friend who has "really put on weight" or "is so heavy," and she thinks she ought to say something to them. First of all, do you think you need to point it out because they didn't notice? Second, why are you telling me, who needs to lose 20lbs?

The fact that she goes on and on about this makes me wonder if she has an eating disorder herself, when I would otherwise have assumed she was naturally thin.

I hope you get what I'm trying to say. It has been a long week!

P.S. My husband says I'm a brickhouse. How does that fit into the theory?

Dear "Aunt Purl", Women your age and older (I'm 47) were raised with GUILT. This isn't a bad thing. We women feel guilt over EVERYTHING from our weight, finances, housekeeping, marriages/divorces, friendships, drinking and smoking habits and health habits, raising children, our educations, careers...EVERYTHING.
(Whew! How do we even make it through??)
A little guilt is good. As the mom of 3 (ages 27, 17, and 6) I raise my kids with a little guilt. Guilt is what makes us TRY harder and "do right" (I'm a Southerner too) but there is a fine line between "wanting to do better" and "beating ourselves up".
From what I've read of your books and posts, YOU ARE DOING JUST FINE. Joking about some of our self-perceived shortcomings is just how we deal!
Carry on!

Hey, do you suppose that the people who keep lobbing bricks at others are the ones who end up a few bricks shy of a load? ;->

I got the picture joke - didn't see what the big deal was, since we had drive-thru liquor stores in Podunk, Wyoming, when I was growing up in the 60's. No need to get out of the pickup for the 6-packs on you way out of town to go fishing/hunting/camping/general hellraising.

That being said: CAP, honey, like Dixie said, people contact you because they care about you. And much as anyone doesn't want to judge, we all observe life through the lens of our own experience. A prime case in point is my mom. She's very leery of most drinking, because my dad was an abusive drunk who broke her heart and our family. So she tends to pay a lot of attention to, and worry about, the behavior of people who are drinking.

And in all fairness, you DID entitle the book "Drunk, Divorced, and Covered in Cat Hair". And you DID at one point calculate that 60% of your caloric intake was from wine. While these are satirical, they hit people with certain experiences in a very raw, painful place in their souls. And so, from a standpoint of "all coming from love", sort of like the awful Marie on "Everybody Loves Raymond", some people reached out in an attempt to warn you of something that they perceived as dangerous.

I wasn't one of the emailers - heaven forfend! And I don't know what tone they took, though apparently some of them were pretty self-righteous. But while their comments may be unjustified and unwelcome, they are also, to some extent, understandable. Being the compassionate, empathetic person that you are, I think that upon reflection you may forgive their intrusiveness, and even appreciate their concern.

Ciao, Bella!

Laurie, you have to be one of the most insightful people out there. And if you're secretly an alcoholic (shock! horror!) then maybe I'll have to start drinking more, cos it seems to have brought out the best in you.

After reading your theory, I know I'm going to walk away from people who bug me, singing "all in all, you're just another brick in the wall..." :)

My only quibble with your theory is that you've used it to define men and women, and I don't think it's a gender thing. But hey, I'm still a believer!

There is a very large difference between an ordinary drinker, however frequently or deeply they may imbibe, and an alcoholic. Admittedly, in a few cases the difference may only become apparent in hindsight, but that does not negate the distinction.

Many people who are not alcoholics, or those in early (and often aggressive) sobriety, seem to forget this fact.

(Enjoyed your book. Faithfully read your blog.)

Just a note from a sister knit-fiend.

The Brick Wall Theory is right on, without a doubt.

And geez, I just thought it was an amusing photo. Do people really get their knickers in a twist over stuff like that and feel compelled to "help" you? Why bless their hearts.

Thank you so much for your "brick" theories. The whole post really encapsulates a lot of what I've been thinking about lately...and I'm forwarding it to my grandmother in case she still thinks I'm a messy teenager, too.

Those "helpful" comments remind me of a shrink I went to see a few years ago when I was going through a really rough patch. I tearfully told him about my crazy family, my crazy job, my way-past-crazy-into-batshit-insane then-boyfriend... and the guy told me my problem was obviously that I drink too much and I needed to consider a 12-step program. He offered to give me a scrip for Xanax to use instead of drinking. I was so appalled that this guy who thought I was an addict was willing to give me an addictive substance just because it was a prescription drug that I failed to think it through... hey, you want to give me Xanax! I think Dr. Crankypants thought I was alcoholic because I checked the "I sometimes worry if I drink too much" box on the new-patient questionnaire... not knowing that I worry too much over EVERYTHING. Ask anyone who knows me. But that brings us back to the knowing and your most excellent brick theory.

I know this won't mean much because you are letting go of what other people think of you (which is probably the best thing about getting older and I've noticed it too), but I think you are absolutely adorable and if you are ever in Atlanta, my knitting group would love for you to come drink with us and let us tell you how wonderful we think you are. Thank you for being you and being honest about who you are. You are so brave to let the rest of us know we're not alone.

And oh yeah, those chocolate truffles are MADE OF CRACK.

Thank you. These are truly pearls you give us. And I will be going to Whole Foods tomorrow because I gave up chocolate for lent (a joke since I'm not a practicing Catholic anymore) and tomorrow is Sunday and I need something to go with my tipple...

Write (1?!) on sister. You've nailed it. You are no good to anyone else if you are drowning.