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December 12, 2007

Party Poopitis and and Gift Shoppagus

Party Like it's 1999-2003

While I of course would never talk about my place of employment because that is in bad taste, I will say that if I did attend any fictional work holiday-related events I was probably the person who told a member of the Executive Committee that Dustin Diamond, better known as Screech from "Saved By The Bell," made a sex tape.

Yeah, I rock.

Also, in other unrelated news, I probably had the flow of oxygen cut off from my brainial area because I was wearing festive pants and as I checked myself out in the mirror in the a.m. before leaving, ALLEGEDLY because this is a FICTIONAL story of course, I noticed I had all my cellulite congregating up in this whole area knows as "ass" and so I had to put on the fat-suppressing Spanx and so on, which CLEARLY leads to oxygen deprivation and the alleged "Screech made a sex tape, Mr. Executive Vice-President" remark. Pass the chicken skewers, please.

You know, it isn't easy being the one who has to say the inappropriate things. The bar has been set very high at previous ALLEGED holiday parties.

Gift Shopping has commenced

Or "I will be going to Target to buy a lot of gift cards." I freely admit that this year I am going the route of the gift card because I am generous (read: I am very lazy.) But if you cannot find that perfect gift for the person of your choice, may I suggest the single most absurd thing I may have seen yet on the innernets:

'Tis a gold pill that allegedly makes the recipient's poo turn... glittery gold.

From this website:

If you've got so much money that you're just looking for new ways to waste it, Tobias Wong and Ju$t Another Rich Kid created the Gold Pill for you. It's a pill dipped in gold and filled with 24-karat gold leaf. You're supposed to eat it "to increase your self-worth." That would be funny if it didn't cost $425 for the joke. Supposedly an added benefit is that it will make your poop sparkle ...

Awesome. I hope I remember this little glittery tidbit for next year's holiday party conversations! Everyone enjoys a good glittery poo story at the company lunch, right?

Posted by laurie at December 12, 2007 9:59 AM