Two words: ONLINE SHOPPING. Stores are a scary place in December!!!

Why hasn't your landlord replaced your oven?? That's awful!!

My cats have been feasting on my artificial Christmas tree as well. They eat the fake plastic greenery and then puke it up in very bad places. Like the dining room table, the kitchen table and my stack of recipes for cookie-baking today.

Why can't I stop commenting??

you have GOT to be kidding me...kill that person! the stupidity of the great american public never ceases to amaze me.

and then people wonder why I detest this time of year...women like that!

from my cats to yours, have a meowy xmas and a great 2008!

At my house, it's the size 8 DPNs that disappear as soon as they cross the threshold. I have purchased at least four sets, and can't find a one. Wish I could stumble upon that DPN alternate universe sometime and reclaim all that have vanished!

I got some ornaments at Target myself on Friday -- that have a decent selection. And I just may have wandered over to the chocolate aisle afterwards....

unless by holiday spirit you mean...you crack me up. To keep my "holiday spirit" I stay AWAY from stores as much as I can. Nothing like shoppers to scare me away from stores...and I like people.

One phrase: ON-LINE SHOPPING. Plus it gets shipped right to the recipient's door, no schlepping it on the plane. Those puddle-jumpers can be kind of scary.
That woman at Michael's? Either very very brave or just stupid. "Other people? What other people?"

And Bob DOES smile! So cute!

Heh..."free from the branches..." My really-still-a-kitten cat Moose just likes to chew on the tree itself. So far he hasn't found any of the ornaments, but I'm just biding my time...

Carrie

Do you ever have time to read all of your comments? I am intimidated by your blog's following! At the same time, I want to be part of it! I found the blog after googling for a roll-brim hat pattern and finding your hilarious - and helpful - recipe. Now your book is on my Xmas list - just hope my husband takes all the hints!

That Bob sure is getting handsome - more handsome as he allows his purrsonality to show. I think Roy is channeling through him.

In my house, every recipe starts with "caramelize some onions"... Love the Eiffel Tower ornaments! I need to go by Target today anyway - light-up gift card, here I come.

I went into stores this weekend. It was frightening. Even more frightening is knowing that I will have to return next weekend -- not my idea at all but my dad's. I think it is proof that my dad just may be certifiable.

Laurie,

I think we have the same fake pre-lighted tree in an urn. I put mine on the sofa table behind my sofa for the illusion of height. It is so cute I sqeeeeee everytime I plug the lights in!

Did you get it at Lowes?

I, for one, stay out of stores from now until New Years. That's when all the sales are, and that's when I intend to get me some serious clothes shopping done. After I lose the Christmas weight, of course.

You are so restrained, I would have gone off on the woman in Michael's. First I would have "accidentally" nudged her with my shopping cart and then I would have had to say something.

Really I am normally quite zen but that it just awful.

My funny pre-christmas shopping story was a girl at the LYS on Friday who asked me if knitting was hard. She apparently told her father she was going to knit him a scarf for Christmas. But she doesn't knit. And she couldn't understand any of the patterns she looked at since they were just funny letters. And it was Dec.14th. Yikes!

Oops, I didn't mean to be anonymous.

You gotta love that big warning about ART but that apparently, it's stepping on people's rights if you post a sign in the public library that says, "Dirty Old Men Surfing Porn Websites! Please shield your children's eyes as you walk past."

Clearly, Bob knows why this happens but he's not telling anyone. (Love your tree.)

Barb -- noe that was funny!

yes of course I read all the comments! =)

My cats like to chew on my fake tree. And Pompeii was full of "adult content"- which they took us as high schoolers all around to see! I still remember the male member carved into the street pointing towards the brothel!

I would have asked the crazy check out lady how much longer she was planning to take. I have before, but ... well, it was after happy hour and I had a frozen pizza that needed my attention. I'm not sure if I would have the cacahuates mid-day, though.

And Bob is just too cute. Seriously.

Am impressed in your house life is exotic enough that knitting needles go missing. Here at my house it is just socks. Naturally not even in pairs just lot and lots of sock.

As for those decorations - wow! you gotta love them!

Dead impressed with your tree.

My MIL had a friend -- who ran a bar in Chicago, that just goes to show what kind of a MIL I had -- whose contribution to the wisdom of the world was this: If you want to make a man happy when he walks in the door, fry some onions. I'd say you are on the right track ;-)

This is my cat's first year with a Christmas tree and he is completely delighted. "A tree? In the house? For ME? And with lots of shiny things on it to play with!"
Spock is from a shelter and he is wonderful!
By the way, I love Bob's coloring. (The color of his fur, not what he does with crayons.) That sort of mist-overlaid orange tabbiness is beautiful. I had never seen it before Bob and now I'm seeing cats like that all over the place.

I'm loving your ornaments. I was going to make a dreadful pun about how they're "Just Eiffel", but I stopped myself. Well, sort of.

Just got our tree up too, here, and my cats have been sipping the (plain, thank goodness) water from the tree stand. Ah, holidays.

Tee hee hee Bob's pix made me laugh out loud. I heard the 007 music and the words (in British accent) 'Bob...Jaaames Bob'. Such a looker and such a look!

I would have eaten the lady's purse and made lots of noise about it too. You are very good, Laurie!

The next worse thing at "my" Michaels is the check out person who is not in our reality. (My teenage son thinks she is drunk at work). After taking forever and a day to scan my few things, she then FORGOT for scan my coupon that was sitting right in front of her. She offered to go back and start over but I almost swallowed my tongue and figured Michaels needed my $2 more than I did.

The deadline has come - time to stay out of the stores. Happy December!

I, too, ventured into both Target and Michael's this Saturday- yikes. At our Michael's it usually isn't a customer causing the craziness; it's the really crabby cashier- I mean, she is so crabby it is almost amusing. I would love to sit in on her next performance review just to see what they could say about someone who makes you reevaluate your need for craft supplies once you are in line.

Our kitty seems to ignore the ornaments, but the tree skirt- he is sure it is hiding rodents or some fun critters and must be throughly ruffled up each day.

Bob, You handsome devil, you :D what's on your Xmas list? Are you and your fellow felines getting anything special...maybe a new kitty Pi? Hand-knit catnip mice? Well, gotta go but wanted to wish you and FDR and Soba Happy Holidays :)

Bob REALLY is one handsome guy, and soooo photogenic! He looks like his fur would be incredibly soft too...

I am tres jealous of your Tar-Jay gift cards with lights! I just bought 2 last night and they are the boring regular kind, I didn't see any of the groovy ones anywhere around.

P.S. your tree looks great!

I heart those light-up Target gift cards with the cute little mouse!

In that picture, it really looks like Bob is contemplating freeing some ornaments! I don't have a problem with DPN disappearing, I have a problem with my dog chewing on them. A girl can only sand so many teeth marks off a wood needle, ya know! Plus, I haven't figured out how to fix the plastic ones that have big fanged teeth marks. I don't know if I can sand those too, or not.

Laurie! I knew you had good taste and this just confirms it! I have the same swirly hookie thingies for my tree! Wow.. I need a vacation..I'm geeking out about someone having the same ornament hooks as I do...

nothing ruins the holiday spirit more than shopping. Everyone knows that! I have been on both sides of the counter and can tell you from personal experience that she was lucky to make it outta there alive. She has no clue.
I need to lojack my needles. I always seem to lose one of the five.

Dude...All the crazy sh*t goes down at the Jo-Ann's on Riverside in Sherman Oaks. People just become down right mean when they enter a craft store some times. I've seen people scream at the poor cashier about how if they don't get pink glitter glue their childs birthday party will be ruined and for some reason they feel compelled to stand there and go into great detail with the same cashier what they plan to do with 20 packs of googlie eyes while there is a line a mile long behind them and I'm ususally in that line and I usually for some reason have to pee really bad but Jo-Anns won't let you use their bathroom so all I want to do is buy my dpn's or whatever and go home so I can pee but Noooooo this person thinks that the cashier needs to know just how she's planning on making a wreath out of googlie eyes and how that makes her so creative and therefore better than the people in line behind her and that we want to wait to hear what super creative thing she may think of next and all I want is to buy a pack dpns to replace the ONE NEEDLE I lost at the coffee shop so I can finish some socks and I have to pee and of course the googlie eye person wants to write a check for $2.50 worth of googlie eyes!

Delicious chuckles from your writing tastier than fudge....

I went to the Eaton Centre on Friday after work to shop for a birthday present for my Dad. Somehow, the fact that I wasn't doing any Xmas shopping left me relaxed and totally unstressed. Everyone else around me was going crazy but I was in a Zen-like state for over an hour. Happy holidays everyone!

Do y'all watch/read Cute With Chris? I think this is a classic, and very apropos too.

http://chrisleavins.typepad.com/chrisleavins/2007/12/cute-with-chris.html

Yeah, I did Target and Michael's yesterday too. Bah humbug.

Woo Hoo! What a hootnholler. Am catching up after missing a few days' worth, and you sure know how to make me laugh! Too much Christmas stress, not enough laughter. Make it Merry!
Thanks Laurie!

Carmelized onions are my favorite condiment. I could eat them every day for the rest of my life and still be totally stoked about food.

Just wanted to stop by and wish you a happy holiday season and invite you and your readers to check out the Women Business Owners Survey (www.womenbusinessownerssurvey.com). We are giving away lots of goodies for women who participate. Thanks for the great blog!

Heidi Richards, Founder & CEO – The WECAI Network™

Laurie, want me to swing by the Targets out here? I have ready access to at least 4 of them.

Oh my. I always get those people in front of me, and I want to visit all sorts of violence upon their personages. Your restraint is admirable!

But seriously, what does possess people?

I've just read the entirety of your site over the last week; from start to today. Two weeks ago, the love of my life walked out. To cut a long story short, I'm 35 and we were together for what seemed like forever (it was "only" 3 years and 9 months). We'd bought a house together last August and had been making it nicer for us to share over the last 6 months and it was almost finished enough to be really nice. A lot of stressful things happened over the last year, and I thought we were just coming out of it and everything was going to be OK. I was wrong. He was The One for me and I don't understand what's happened. I didn't even get a "you're stifling my creativity". I got nothing at all.

I used to have cats, but I gave them to a friend of mine because he couldn't live with them. I loved them, but I was willing to give them up for him and they're happy and not living in a city any more so I'm sure it's better for them now anyway.

I can't drink, though god knows I love wine. For some reason, a few months ago, I just stopped being able to drink. So I can't have a glass to help me sleep because it makes me feel ill just thinking about drinking it. I'm so tired all the time, I wish I could drink just a little to help with that.

I can't knit, but I decided when I first started to read your journal (I hate the word 'blog' too) that it might be something that would help me. And though I've struggled and cursed and cried into the stupid yarn I bought to start off with (I was reaaaally dumb and bought some fluffy stuff that I couldn't even see the stitches so I ended up adding a stitch on every row and not knowing or being able to see why), I think it just might help. I've managed to finish almost 5" of a scarf now and though the stitches are uneven I might actually not unravel it and start again this time.

I am utterly heart-broken and every day is a fight not to just to hide under the covers and cry and stay there. But I've even laughed once or twice in the last few days, reading some of the entries here. And it's such a relief to be able to smile even just twice in a week. I can't write on my own journal because I have hysterical family who read it and would freak out if I said anything sad there - it's happened before.

Anyway, I wanted to say thank you. You made me smile in my bleakest time.

We just got a new kitty in the household (I couldn't let him stay outside in the cold, what with him just getting thinner and thinner), and I do believe he is the long-lost brother to your very pretty Bob. It looks like the same tawny coloring (orange tabby, but the stripes are so faint that he's really just the under color), the same gold eyes, and a white patch on his chest, and white feetses.

So, in case Bob was wondering, his long-lost brother has a very nice warm home with a real Christmas tree, and two lady-cats to play with (even though they don't much like that), and lots to eat (so that he can poo more than any animal I have ever seen of that size), so Bob doesn't need to worry any longer. I even have it on good authority that each kitty has their own stocking (from Target, of course...who else sells teeny stockings for $1-2?) hung up for Santa Claws.

Oh Kate, you've come to the right place. Our Crazy Aunt Purl will have you laughing and snorting milk all over your computer in no time. Keep knitting and go get yourself some cats.

Bob, you sly devil.

Roman Art-Porn is way hot.

Roman Art-Porn is way hot.

This post brings up a very important question that you have yet to answer: how do you bake a pecan pie in a toaster oven? According to my calculations (pie plate = 9 inches around; toaster oven = 8x4 inches; short of some weird warped geometry, the kind of math that I do not do, pie plate will not fit in toaster oven) you can't.

Please make your publisher send you to Boston. If you'll sign my books I'll make you a pecan pie. Seriously, I am very concerned about you.

And I'll give back your size 10 double-points if you'll give back my size 3 16-inch circs. I believe you have 8 of them.

A Soba Christmas:

'Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring,
not even a mouse.

'Cuz Soba had pounced on it
and tore it apart-
Ate its mousey intestines
And chewed up its heart.

Soba thought she heard sleigh bells,
which made her take pause-
She stopped daintily licking
the blood from her claws.

"Must be Santa" thought Soba
(that quite clever cat)
'Cuz nobody else climbs down
the chimney like that.

Indeed it was ol' Santa,
so jolly and fat
With a load of presents
and all for the cat!

"Wow, the best Christmas ever!"
Soba thought with a purr,
Then he coughed up a hairball
and shed some more fur.

Oh Laurie - I thought I was the only person left that would ever say "snatch her baldheaded!!!" That actually happened to two friends of mine - ouchie!

Bob is a sexy beast - what a face!

I can't even get ready for Christmas - someone actually stole my tree out of my storage room! All the ornaments that were left behind are broken. How sad is that?

Plus, I got rear-ended and now I have no more truck - I have to save my pennies for a car since I didn't have insurance on that old thing - couldn't afford it.

All I want for Christmas is a better job. I made more money as a waitress at Ember's back in 1985 than I do now as a CSR at big-time-pacemaker company.

BUT! I was able to find someone to get Guitar Hero 3 off Ebay for my son. It isn't much - but he will love it.

Happy holidays to all!

I have a suggestion for baked potatoes. Scrub said potato,put in a baking dish with a lid, put in microwave for 15 minutes. Voila! cooked to a lovely dinner. add whatever goodies you like and enjoy. Beats cooking in a regular oven or toaster oven by at least 30 minutes.

You know what else seems hard to make, but is incredibly easy and makes your food taste complicated? Roasted garlic! It would be just perfect on that pizza you described.

That poor woman, and the poor people behind her. It's more Michael's fault than hers; there isn't any other way to find out the prices of things at Michaels. Missing and inaccurate shelf prices are common there. Since Michael's won't put scanners in the aisles for customers, and spare staff are never to be found, the only way to check the price on an item is to go up to the registers, stand in line, and ask the price of each item you're interested in. I usually just throw stuff back on the shelf in disgust, but I have some sympathy for this lady's solution. There's literally no other way to get the information she needs to make a decision, and I can understand her not wanting to write down all the prices (who could remember them all?), wander off to a quiet section of the store to decide, then wait in line all over again. Whenever I'm in a line that's held up because of a pricing problem, it's Michael's I get steamed at, not the customer.

I don't know what I would have done in that situation, but I know it would have driven me nuts!

Like the poster above, I was very excited to see that you also use those really cute ornament hooks. They are not only pretty, but so functional!

Also, after reading more of your blog and learning that you like pom-poms... check this out:

http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/2937951?cm_cat=datafeed&cm_pla=shoes:women:slippers&cm_ite=juicy_couture_'cheer'_flat:191613&cm_ven=yahoo&mr:referralID=922d9840-0905-40ab-9a70-9b03319e1990

I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be too hard to recreate on a cheap pair of ballet flats. I might try. :-)

Have a good Monday!

Well, it cut off the link... so, go to Nordstrom and type this in the search box:

Juicy Couture 'Cheer' Flat

that should take you where I was trying to send you.

:-)

Bob looks so liony today!

I was watching a "making of" show by Rick Steves (travel guy on PBS) and he was in Italy and he said they have to be careful what they shoot for the show because PBS won't show "naughty" art (like Michelangelo's David's "front part"). So that warning from the History Channel sounds familiar. Huh? It's okay for children to go to see the statue, but not on TV. Weird.

Also, I got just plain old ordinary gift cards at Target too. And I already mailed them or I might try to take them back (no that would not work).

I always lose my G crochet hooks. I probably buy one every six mnths or so.

Also, I got very funny looks from a babysitter once because I let her watch a movie I had taped but not watched yet. I discovered later that I had apparently set the timer too early and caught the end of a show called Sex TV about old strippers and how they've still got it. And it showed things.

You go Bob!

I vaguely recall from one of my early art history classes that there was a tile from that era (or a mural or something), that showed a guy being judged for worth his weight in gold. Yes weight, not length, - with scales and all. That could pretty much cancel your PG rating I think!

First - Kate, you've found a good place; be sure to read all the comments too. And get Laurie's book out of the library (or buy it so you can underline and stuff). You'll be much inspired. Second - oh yeah, the Missing Needle Syndrome. They're probably on the moon with all the single socks that teleport out of dryers all over the world. As for Bob - if that's not an Inscrutable Look there never was one. Love dat boy.

Girl I just got home from Wal mart and guess whose book was there?
You are now officially shittin in tall cotton.
Whoo hoo

Girl I just got home from Wal mart and guess whose book was there?
You are now officially shittin in tall cotton.
Whoo hoo

Bonnie UK---your poem was grrreat!! More, please.
I love this site sooo much. It's now a little nippy in FL-- W. Palm Beach adjacent (way west adjacent!)...and, I love it!! Miss the rain in PDX & all the fun doins, though.

More cat photos, please...gotta go to Target now in search of those awesome ornaments. Blessings!

Probably the Sobakova schlepped the DPNs into her lair, trying to transform them into one ring to rule them all.

Bob is Bobalicious. 'nuff said!

Kate, this is a great blog for the heartbroken... inspiring and just plain great to read. Laurie's book is also well worth reading!

i loved your blog!! it is so cute!!
i voted for you!!

Happy Xmas, Bob, you purr-fectly sexy thang! And to Soba and FDR too.

OMG, "snatch her baldheaded" !!! I haven't heard that since i was a teenager in the 70's (oof!) and stayed with my cousins in Virginia. Thought they made it up! so funny, Laurie!

Bawb has got the cutest, most angular face. I suspect all of your ornaments are soon to join all of your double-pointed needles. I MADE myself like metal needles because my cat chewed all the tips off the wooden or bamboo ones. Nothing like snagging your wool on a mangled-up needle...

Merry Christmas to you, Laurie, and for God's sake, stay the hell away from the stores!

Leslie

Cooking great food is NOT IN your DNA!!! You are totally on the right track with the carmelized onions and the dad who makes amazing food. Just a hunch, but I bet he'll share all his secrets with his darling daughter...you are more than equipped to do all that if it catches your fancy and you spend some time enjoying the learning...merry merry to you!

Hello


I would like to introduce myself, my name is Sherry. I am a mother of two and a full time
student at our local College. I am looking forward to talking with you all, this site looks great
and keep up the good work!

Awesome site!
Sherry.

I ran into my brother Mike this past weekend and he passed along your apologies. And all this time I just thought you didn't care. ;) It is really no big deal. I know you are a busy author. Good luck with all your endevours!

Ok- honestly, usually when there is someone pokey in line in the store, any store....I am the one in line behind them threatening to flatten thier tires or eat thier children if they don't hurry up. That is why they have carts and aisles...for thinking time!

What about rge Christmas tree?
Have you seen this -
http://www.fluffytails.ca/christmas.asp

bob is looking very calm and peaceful these days :o)

I always love your out-in-the-field reporting from the stores. And that history channel parental warning cracked me up! Reminds me - did you hear how the Sesame Street people recently issued a disclaimer about their first few seasons, saying they were meant for adult entertainment only? Apparently the cookie monster was eating unhealthy snacks and there was some pipe smoking involved. Oh the horror!

Chopsticks...they are very close to an #10 needle. A pencil sharpener and an emery board and you never have to wait in line at Michaels again. You can just go have some stir fry and then come home and finish your hat.

Jealous with a gigantic J
Me obsessed by the eiffel tower, was in paris for 1 hour on my way to champagne and managed not to see the e tower, no idea, dont ask

Oh, Girls, I hear ya when it comes to the wacky happenings in line at the fabric/craft store.

My nearest Michael's isn't usually too bad. They'll even spot me a 40% discount without the coupon on a good day.

JoAnn invariably has a huge line and one clerk - the other one's at the cutting table. This is my local, hole-in-the-wall JoAnn - not the big Super Store, where they actually carry stuff you want to buy; sometimes, you can even find fabric there!

This brings me to one of my continuous grievances; how little of craft store merchandise is actually devoted to crafts! Yes, I understand that busy working people need someplace to buy inexpensive, cheesy floral arrangements, dinnerware, and framed prints. Or gift wrap and paper party plates. I understand that Pier I and CostPlus have priced themselves out of the market for many such items.

But I have this old fashioned notion that I should be able to go to a fabric store and find REAL fabric - not bolts and bolts of polyester, and a wall full of cotton prints suitable for quilts, and not much else. That I shouldn't have to go to a ritzy-titzy yarn shop (though I love those, too!) in order to find a basic worsted yarn with more than a token amount of wool in it.

Anyway, back to Diatribe A: the absolute Capital of Crazy Craft Store lines is neary always Hobby Lobby. Not because of their clientele, necessarily - the dysfunction amid my fellow shoppers seems to be pretty evenly distributed. But because they have some of the most unhelpful clerks anywhere at the big store (neighbor won't go there with me anymore!). And the little store, where I keep returning, because they keep putting their yarns on sale on alternate weeks, has a quaint holdover from the last century; NO price scanner. So yes, after finally making your way to the head of the line, you get to wait while the clerk has someone chase down your packet of widget glue, because the price label fell off.

It's even more entertaining for sale items. Along with their private label yarns (don't sneer - a few of them are kinda fun!), HL often puts several types of Patons on sale. Every time I get to the register, it's the same story; the clerk squints at the 4-point type on the sale flyer. It lists the yarn not as Patons, but as Spinrite. There's a delay while the manager or a more experienced clerk - one who didn't run screaming into the night after the 3rd week - is consulted. The overring of the retail price is deleted - or the whole sale, and everything re-entered. And I finally emerge, battered, bruised, and hideously late for work: but triumphant, clutching my bag of $1.99/skein whatever.

Okay, it would cost a lot of money to convert 28 jillion items to bar-coding. But would it kill them to have the product name on the sales flyer match the name on the label? Failing that, how about a cheat sheet at the register, so the clerks don't have to memorize every weekly sale item discount or sale price?? OY!

Hey Laurie -
I have been reading you for a while, but sporadically, and you always have so many noters that I have been content to hang back and lurk. But "What happens in Pompeii stays in Pompeii?"!!! I was in total tears. Because how could it not, buried under a ton of lava and ash. (I know, that's probably my own weird sense of humor but geez, that cracked me UP!) Hello from a drinkin', nearly-divorced (next month), cat lady in Michigan. And thanks for the journal -- and your book.

Oh my goodness you brought back so many memories when you said "I thought the woman in line behind me was going to snatch her baldheaded"....my mom and grandma say/said that phrase so many times while I was growing up.

i'll be making an OC target run today. if i see any Eiffel towers, i'll pick them up for you. .....but! you need to tell me where to buy the curly cue ornament holders. i've been looking for those everywhere and can't find them.

mck.

McKay -- I found the culycue holders at Target! They have some with beads, too, they're so pretty!

Please email me if you do find the Eiffel Tower ornaments, i would happily pay you and shipping, too thank you!!!!!!!