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October 10, 2007

Thursday night see you in Los Angeles ... Friday and Saturday in Houston!

I cannot believe it is all really happening!

And ya'll, I'm so sorry if all this book stuff is boring and I promise not to blabber on about it forever but it's kind of the most crazy thing ever to happen to me and you know, this is a diary. Kind of goes with the territory. But I solemnly swear I'll get back to coverage of bumper stickers, pictures of the weather man and long involved talks about the thing my cat did that time as soon as possible.

This whole thing is so far out of my comfort zone that I might as well just be abducted by aliens and get the probe over with. Do you think the aliens get you drunk first? (I watched "Independence Day" again over the weekend, I can't help it, I love me some Will Smith.) Anyway! They ("The U.S. Department of They") say that I will get better at this as time goes by so I am hoping that is true, and also feeling sad for the people who have to watch me be nervous and shaking at the events where I am still waiting to get better and also if I hug you inappropriately I apologize in advance!

Thursday, October 11, 2007 at 7:30 p.m.
Los Angeles: Barnes & Noble at The Grove [Google Map]
Reading, Q&A session and book signing

Friday, October 12, 2007 at 7:00 p.m.
Houston, TX: Barnes & Noble on Memorial [Google Map]
Reading, Q&A session and book signing

Saturday, October 13, 2007 at 11 a.m. (until 1 p.m.)
Katy, TX: Yarntopia [Google Map]
We're just going to knit and chat and sign books!

Seeing as Los Angeles will be a group of Stitch 'n Bitchers and also since it's the first one and my adopted home city I thought it would be funny to give away a Divorce Survival Basket! So we're doing a raffle too, and I assembled this basket of nuttiness myself so you know it contains some Patons Up Country. I swear that yarn is the softest wool on the planet. Why did they stop making it? And does this mean I have to obsessively hoard my new favorite Patons yarn, SWS? Oh wait, raffle basket ... it contains:


• Wine -- a very good, sturdy cabernet
• Cheetos -- both crunchy and puffed varieties
• Kleenex
• A pretty vanilla-scented happiness candle
• A signed book and two of my dorky mixed CDs
• The aforementioned Up Country
• More yarn
• And gorgeous amazing hand-dyed, supersoft merino yarn from SpinningYarnsOnline.com. The softness and the colors of this airy, beautiful yarn made me want to keep it myself (oh, and there's a cute tape measure, too, if you're planning to make legwarmers with it and need to measure your legs... I am just saying...)

Gorgeous hand-dyed yarn!

After Los Angeles, Houston is next and you'll know you're in the right place when you see these guys:

This is my favorite picture of my dad and my Uncle Skipper. I love this picture so much, it just makes me smile every time I see it.

My mom and dad are going to be at the Houston Barnes & Noble and ya'll get to meet them -- if they are not in Wal-Mart Jail -- along with my Uncle Skipper and my brothers Guy and Eric (!!!) and my sister-in-law Kelly and my nephew Andrew and my cousin Rene and maybe Aunt Debbie, all I am saying is that we're having our family reunion at Barnes & Noble so if ya'll want good fried chicken recipes and actual confirmation from people who know me that I did indeed make a nature collage out of construction paper and glue and poison ivy, poison oak and sumac, then come on by! Plus Drew will be there and he's so damn cute.

Drew is also under threat of death unless he's taking me to a Cracker Barrel. Hash brown casserole I love you and want to marry you! And Drew and I will both be at Yarntopia on Saturday where you can see my current extremely cheesy knitting project which may or may not contain both the names "leg" and "warmers." I AM JUST SAYING IS ALL.

P.S. Dear Houston, please be not so humid. My hair has trouble on the best of days. Love, Laurie

Speaking of letters... I got several emails last week like this one from Christina:

Hi Laurie, I am planning on going to your Seattle book tour stop. I am wondering how it works. Is it some huge rockstar thing or a more quiet hi, how are ya thing? I feel kind of socially weird and going to a crowded place to say hey to someone who has no clue who I am is feels a bit strange. Is it weird talking to people who think they "know" you? Can you tell me a little about how these things work? Thanks, Christina

I was so happy Christina wrote because I was starting to get a little nervous too. Aside from BEA, I have only been to one book signing in my entire life, and that was when I was stalking Tom Robbins and I even drove to Santa Monica, at night, by myself to attend. Stalk, stalk. (Then I was too nervous to even look him in the eye when I got my book signed! What kind of loser stalker am I?)

Also, on an unrelated note, my mom asked me why I was wearing all black for every event and I was like, um, hello! Flop sweat! (By the way if anyone knows where I can get pants that make me look 40 pounds skinnier, please tell me RIGHT NOW.)

Anyway -- to answer Christina's question, basically I think it's just your very normal book shop event and most of the reading areas are kind of cozy, and we sit in folding chairs and I try not to barf. Then I shake, sweat and say something dumb. Then I get to read (this part I can do, since I actually have read this book once or five hundred times) and I am only reading a chapter so you don't have to worry about having to sit in a folding chair for six hours, promise. And after that if I am not doing the aforementioned barfing, we'll do a small Q&A, then we sign books. (I am trying out this Q&A thing in Los Angeles and if it doesn't go well, um. Maybe not so much Q&A for the future.) (I'm always terrified with Q&A. Please be kind. Also, do people want Q&A? My publicist says yes, and I'm like "What if I say something dumb?" and she's very quiet. What does that mean?)

The book signing thing is the part I've done before and that is the part I am most looking forward to because I get to meet folks face-to-face and I am much better one on one than in a crowd. There's a small line and you write your name on a post-it given to you by folks at the book store, and they stick the post-it to an open page on the book so I do not make an ass of myself and spell names wrong. I can guarantee you I will be so nervous I will probably spell my own name wrong.

You can bring a book if you already bought it though my publicist is getting nervous that no one will buy books at the store so I do hope at least one person comes empty-handed! I am also glad I am not my publicist. Imagine a client whose main issues are sweating and barfing and saying "porn" at weird times.

The signing part is fun because then we can chitchat a little and then the line moves. It's all very new to me, too, but I'm excited, because it *is* exciting. Especially the part where we find out whether or not I barf.

And while I am hoping to return soon to my non-anxiety-pants filled life of cat poop and bumper stickers and traffic, my parents on the other hand.... well. Let's just say that I got THE FUNNIEST EMAIL ever yesterday. Apparently my parents read the comments section of this here website. And one of you fine folks, I couldn't find the comment, mentioned that they had heard of one author whose parents got T-shirts printed with the book cover.

My parents thought that was a brilliant idea and they spent yesterday walking around Beaumont, Texas in these:


OH YES THEY DID! Thanks a lot, website!

Posted by laurie at October 10, 2007 8:47 AM