Hee hee hee. You got searched.

And I'm first! Neener neener neener!

*snort*

i use that mascara. very hard to remove!

Someone here in Richmond got pulled aside to be searched and she quipped "what do you think I have a bomb or something??" She ended up in Federal lockup for a few days and charged.

The TSA has absolutely no sense of humor.

Have a great trip, Laurie!

omg. I swear... the stupidity... the waste of time. I guess they're just bored.

Airport security theatre... makes me... so angry.

Does putting mascara in a ziploc baggie actually make anyone feel safe? What is the point!! Who are they kidding??

This is hysterical! Did anyone ever think people would be neurotic about mascara, of all things? And you know, you can't say "bomb" any where in/near an airport, ANYWHERE.

First. Hah!

I am so looking forward to seeing you in Minneapolis. Actually, the MoA is in Bloomington, but who's counting? I'll be the one sweating in a red/purple/turqoise/chambray Silky Wool scarf, worn so as to be recognizable, and wielding a library copy of Drunk, Etc. to be signed. (I'm a trustee of the regional library board, proud treasurer of the Friends of the Polk County Libraries, and occasional librarian, why do you ask?)

See ya soon!

Ziploc bags: not just for safely carrying knitting projects in giant purses. Now they can protect an entire aircraft from dangerous (but oh so necessary) mascara. At least you got some action at the airport, that's more than Sen. Craig can say.

Oops, not first. Not even close.

AHAHAHAHAHA, The ziploc baggie would totally keep the plane from blowing up!

wow - but knitting needles of ANY size are allowed... i know this from experience. i've taken metal 13's on a plane in my backpack and they don't get a second look.

no method to the maddness.

have a safe trip! mascara and all :)

And yet my husband and I (accidently!!!) went through security and flew to Santa Fe with two full sized bottles of sunscreen in our carry ons, and no one batted an eye. And this was at Dulles, where you'd think security might be a bit tight.

I wonder if they'd let MY brand get by. It's Aquacils by Lancome. French and all that.

Just wondering, does anyone remember when air travel was convenient and fun?

This pisses me off so much I can't type a kindly comment.

We are all doomed.
.

Ugh, I'm not looking forward to my plane trip to Denver at Thanksgiving! I sure hope we don't have any problems! I've been travelling in planes since I was a baby, being a military brat, and the older I get, the less I care for it anymore.

The last time I flew, they searched my baby's diaper bag -- wipes were off-limits unless properly contained !?!? -- and wanted to search her diaper itself. Y'know, the one she was wearing. The small little bully boy wanted me to lie her down on the baggage table.

Oh HELL no, you pedophiliac little pedant. You can be the man who gets a woman here STAT who will walk into a bathroom with me to check my infant's diaper in private, or you can be that man who will get a mouthful of Mad Mama Fist.

I haven't flown since. I drive cross-country now. I will never get on another airplane until this ridiculousness is over.

Oh. *cough* Oopsie. I just vented all over Laurie's blog. I can clean it up. I carry THERMONUCLEAR WET WIPES with me.

Seriously? The ziplock will neutralize the terrorist threats? SWEET! Go buy stock, quick!

And btw, sorry about my selfish introspection there. I've been thinking about you and your kitties. Here's good thoughts and prayers y'alls way! Be safe!

They got their panties in a knot over MASCARA? That's even worse than when they took the knitting away from the 80 year old grandma who was using a walker.

Along that same vein, did you know that Conair vent brushes apparently resemble a suspicious article of some sort on the xray machine? When I flew back from Canada, they had to search all of my bags because of my hair brush.

I think the TSA people get dumber every day.

Fear the hand lotion! Fear the toxic vanilla carmel-yness that shall invade your closed-in spaces!

This is so funny. And so not-funny, too.

The TSA should be required to publicy announce, as in "lead story on the six o'clock news," any time they arrest an actual terrorist discovered while searching passengers for nail clippers, knitting needles, leaky shampoo bottles and now ... mascara!

I suspect that perhaps terrorists are about as smart as the average teenager, who, having used one strategy to get around Mom and Dad, won't try that method again for the next big caper. Has Mom boobytrapped the back door with a noisemaker after catching you coming in that way at 3am? You won't be using the back door again, but you WILL use a window. Ask me how I know. :-)

While people with blue gloves poke and prod us at airports, there's probably a bunch of guys building a nuclear bomb in the belly of GrayLine Tours bus, that they will drive into New York City or Las Vegas or Atlanta in the middle of rush hour, completely unnoticed.

I swear, I think the plastic bag people are in bed with the Bush administration and this is just a way to force people to buy more plastic bags.

The fires scare me. Hope the cats are safe while you are gone ...

Btw again, I don't tell you this every time you post, as if no one else ever tells you, but you make me laugh! I love your humor! I probably told you this already, though, but I can't remember. I think things in my head and then I'm not sure later if I actually said them out loud or was just thinking whatever it was. Am I the only do-do head that does this?

When I went to England to visit my sister in February of 2001, I had a Swiss Army Knife in my backpack. Scissors in with my crochet hooks (two pairs of scissors!! and they were the pointy kind!)

On the way home, we were at Heathrow Airport, extremely early. We still had a few hours before our flight was going to leave. I was walking around in the Duty Free shop, and they had these HUGE knives that were made in Scotland that I wished I could afford to buy. I'm sure at the time (February 2001) I probably could have bought one (yeah, if I wont the lottery) and carried it back home on the plane.

The worst thing that (almost) happened on the flight was that they lost one of my suitcases for a few minutes. Thankfully I had tied about 50 pieces of Red Heart Super Saver Vibrant Orange yarn to the suitcase.

When the lady from the check-in counter actually came onto the plane and told me that my suitcase had taken off before she could get the sticker with the bar code on it, I panicked. Those suitcases had about $150 worth of Cadbury's Chocolate in them! I told her to follow the smell of chocolate almonds and to look for bright Vibrant Orange yarn tied all over it.

Thank goodness for the orange yarn...she found it within 5 minutes, and our flight was only held up for a couple of minutes while they gently brought my chocolate scented luggage to the plane.

I wish I had bought one of those knives at Heathrow...since I'm sure you cant do it now...

A Canadian woman's cat snuck into her luggage --airport security asked her if she had a turkey in her bag, but let her go through.

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/new-brunswick/story/2007/05/02/nb-stowawaycat.html

WMDCats

Oh, excellent work, TSA! Protecting us all from the Mascara of Mass Destruction!! Shame on you, Laurie, for trying to instill a sense of humor in the TSA guy! You know that a sense of humor is the first step on the slippery slope of terrorism!! (Just kidding, I hope you know. Geez.)

I had a lighter (gasp!) in my purse when I went through.

How come they never frisk me?

erica, They probably thought Santa Fe, New Mexico was in a foreign country.

Same thing happened to me. A half full bottle of Deborah Lipmann nail polish ran to the bottom of my fabulous handbag of doom (also known as the largest Isabella Fiore hangbag ever constructed).

The screener couldn't believe that I wasn't traveling with any shampoo or anything(I leave a stash at the Sig. Other's house) so she searched all of my carry-ons until she triumphantly found the nail polish.

I also made the mistake of telling her I didn't even know it was there and really was that nice neutral color really going to hurt anyone?

Yeah, after that whole thing, I had to run to my flight...but at least I ran to it *with* my half bottle of nail polish.

I feel safe now that your terrorist equipment is in it's baggy.

The TSA has to remove all sense of humor lest they acknowledge the absurdity of some of their restrictions. And I just LOVE walking around in my socks in the airport. Just love it.

Happy Trails.

While traveling this past August from Albuquerque to Providence, RI, my husband's backpack got searched. The airport security yelled "WE HAVE A BOTTLE OF WATER!!" (we had been hiking a couple of days prior in Bandelier)... my husband tried to explain, reached forward to *point* which pocket it was in... Security: "Back away! You can not touch the bag, sir!" Upon finding it... she HOLDS IT UP HIGH and shouts "I GOT IT!!!!" Whoa, lady, what a hero you are... I hope you get a raise for that save!

OMG!!! Are they overly dramatic or what!!!

Two Thanksgivings ago, my brother flew from DC to Souix City, Iowa, with a boxed pie in his carry on. (What!? It was good pie! Pecan I think, he didn't want to throw it out, and he didn't want to arrive empty handed.) Anyways, he made it through security at arrived at his future in-laws house, took the pie out and saw that there was a 6 inch knife in the pie. A very sharp knife.

So you can fly with a knife but you'd better watch that mascara missy!

Sigh. Two of your other commenters said it best--we are all doomed and somehow I doubt this ridiculousness will ever be over, it's just going to get worse. PS--I am thoroughly enjoying your book, especially the part where the Leo guy cuts your coffee date short because your two signs wouldn't be compatible--I am just that kind of astrological nut myself, also a Leo, & would probably have done the same thing if faced with a Taurus or Scorpio. No offense to any of you fine folks out there, it's just that I know from painful experience that Leos shouldn't try to get romantic with them! I laughed so hard I scared the cat--thank you!

News on the fires can be followed here
http://twitter.com/nateritter

and here
http://blog.perfectspace.com/

This man is staying quite busy posting updates.

Be safe, and watch that mascara. ;)

I get not allowing sharp objects on the plane like knives. Knitting needles are obviously okay because no knitter in their right mind will lose stitches just to attack someone. I even understand not allowing liquids because they could contain explosives. But I've never understood how having them in a ziploc keeps us safe. Someone at TSA once told me it isn't the ziploc, it's that it limits the amount of liquids that can be brought on by one person. I still don't get how that helps; but like all good gov't employees I don't ask. I just follow along with the rules. You only question the rules for your first year or two. After that, the constant beating your head against the wall kind of wears you down.

Are you kidding me? Mascara? Well, I have almost poked my eye out putting on mascara before. So, I GUESS it could be used as a weapon. Give me a break! And, crredwards, they wanted to check your babies actual diaper? I hope there was a nice surprise for them there.

Laurie, that fire scares me, too, and I'm all the way over here in Texas. Will someone be checking your kitties? Be safe.

On one trip in August I decided to carry on one entire frozen NY cheesecake (probably defrosted at this point) and a ball of smoked mozarella. Both acquired from a deli in NY so I could share the love with my friends in Cali.

The boxed cheesecake went through the detectors untouched and started no panic. But the smoked mozarella in my bag caused quite the stir. The FSA inspectors really looked worried as they pawed through my bag (and it turns out you're not allowed to help them find these devices of unknown terror). Finally they pull out the brown paper bag, and then the plastic bag within that, to proclaim "Cheese!" with a real note of relief in their voices.

My friend and I wondered earlier if C4 looks anything like mozarella or cheesecake. I guess mozarella does but cheesecake doesn't.

This was like reading an article from The Onion--you never cease to make any situation funny! By the way, am I the only person in the world who gets raccoon eyes even from waterproof mascara? Even Maybelline doesn't stand a chance with my raccoon eyes.

Baaaaaaahhhh! That was funny... and not. All the same time.
This is one of the reasons I won't fly unless I absolutely have to. They'll let me on with a knitting needle, but not mascara?

I dunno about anyone else but putting that mascara in a ziplock does not make me feel safe at all. There could be a faulty slider closey thing.. then we'd be right back to square one with the mascara not encased in plastic! No.. I think for a case like this what we really need are the big guns: Glad Force Flex bags. No way would that threatening mascara wrangle it's way out of one of those!! They're puncture proof after all.

I cannot even begin to convey how hard I'm laughing right now.

But I know exactly what you mean. Back in June I flew from Boston to Orlando and as I approached the TSA agents, I realized my smaller than small bottle of hand sanitizer and Bigelow lip gloss were not contained in a ziplock bag. My husband looked at me like I had plutonium in my purse and said "Get out of line! Get out of line!" We then had to rush to the nearest gift shop where we paid 25 cents for a ziplock bag to put these two things in so I wouldn't be considered a terrorist.

I got through just fine, and I wasn't even fondled. And that sounds like the best part.

Bummer.

I did have an entrepreneurial thought when this sillyness with the no liquids thing started -- to start a cosmetics shop in airports that sold all makeup, shampoo, toothpaste etc. etc, in bar or cake form.

But then I wised up and thought -- as soon as the stores opened, the stupid ban would probably be over. 'Cause how long can we penalize liquids for not being solids? HOW LONG PEOPLE??

I feel much safer now, knowing your mascara of mass destruction has been neutralized.
Those people deserve a raise.

Omg, this was so funny!! I'll keep a steady supply of plastic baggies in my house JUST IN CASE.....ROFL

I don't fly enough to know better, you have to quarantine mascara????

Thanks for making me laugh yet again about Dumb Ass Larry Craig. We in Idaho are so proud.

OMG! Pre-9/11 I made a foolish joke about Ted Kaczinski at the check-in counter at Phoenix airport. I will never do that again.

you know those teeny tiny swiss army knives with the one-inch-long blade that go onto your keychain? the TSA website says they can go through. but mine got taken away at Chicago Midway. my KnitPicks needles went through no problem, even though i had some bamboo ones stashed away in case i had to give up the metal ones. TSA is stupid. and airlines, with their charging for more and more, make it so joyless to fly anywhere. no longer is the journey part of the fun, and if youre flying to attend a funeral or to be with family for a tragic time, you know there's not going to be one part of the trip that is in any way enjoyable. ARGH

thanks for the laugh.

i kind of feel bad for the TSA people though. it can't be a fun job, you know?

by the way, my mascara of choice is l'oreal.

anyway, have a safe trip to MN.

When leaving Mexico last December, I bit down hard on my tongue. My lovely bamboo knitting needles that TSA had said were safe as a carry-on item were seen as a threat to the authorities in Mexico. The guy said something about stabbing folks with them. They were #3s. I figure that if I tried to stab someone with them, they would snap. But I had visions of being stuck in a cell in Mexico and so I kept my mouth shut.

I fly a lot for work and have become a pro at security and have no problems with the regulations. However, I spent about 20 minutes in the security line in Omaha because the TSA guy said I had a lighter in my purse that came across on x-ray. Since I don't smoke, that's highly unlikely. He searched my purse and found nothing so he interrogated me about where I had the lighter. He was feeling the lining, and I had visions of my brand new Coach bag being ripped apart. They scanned it again and found nohting. A female officer finally came over and determined that the offending item was a lipstick. She rolled her eyes at the men and let me go on unscathed. Good thing, it was a NARS lipstick at about $22 a pop.

That is exactly why I drive everywhere now. Well, that and the price of airfare. I don't suppose driving to each of your gigs is really an option.

Looking forward to seeing you Thursday - even if your lashes are not naturally velvety brown.

I do hope the B&N has a lot of copies of your book because in thanks for their sponsoring your visit I've been waiting to get my copy until then. If the books are gone you're going to have to sign a body part (ala 80's rock concert) and that will likely be uncomfortable for everyone if there has been no drinking.

It is a scientific fact (as far as I know) that the molecular structure of a Ziplock baggie is identical to that of the "black box" on all passenger aircraft.

Thanks for taking my mind off your fires and back into pananoia-land. My family's flying to Hawaaii in January and ALL I can think of is "What if they confiscate my needles?" It's good to know, though, from the other comments that some have not had theirs taken away. I mean, seriously, I can't be on a plane for 7 hours with my 3 kids and not make a sock or 2. I'd end up strangling someone with my alpaca. Yarn that is.

Re: the TSA people though, I think they have a version of Rent-A-Cop syndrome. You know, the one where their job is so not that important that when something just a teensy bit important comes along, they have to run with it. Cause that's all they have. It must get pretty boring just sitting there hour after hour looking at that stupid screen for bombs and stuff. I mean, if someone wanted to get something dangerous on a plane, it's going to happen. They have before, and there's really nothing TSA can do about it. I think that whole thing was started to the general public would feel "safer" going on planes..."See, there's nothing wrong here, we checked everybody." And it's turned into the general public feeling and being treated like terrorists/criminals. So there.

Oops, I just fell off my soap box. I didn't realize it was up that high.

Stay safe kitties!

I flew at least two round trips (if not more) with pepper spray in my purse (I had forgotten it was in there)! Pepper spray - both a thermonuclear liquid and a weapon in and of itself! And no one stopped me or searched my bag. And yet this craziness over mascara -is that even a liquid? :)

Oh, if only he was applying mascara in that bathroom... Imagine the possibilities! Larry Craig should win the 2007 Darwin Awards!!!

In august I had to deal with all that TSA hoopla. I arrived at my destination and as I unpacked for the night I realized that my pocket knife was in my purse and not my checked bag. I went through all that security and nobody noticed/said anything about the knife. I was amazed. What does security mean exactly? I've forgotten...

Holy guacamole... That's hilarious... What did they say about your foundation??? I'm just curious... That way if I do any traveling sometime soon I will know that it is a national threat... I hope you enjoy MN. It's been our "weird weather" season... It's cold, and sunny... I hate that. I wake up and want to put on my t-shirts and jeans and flip flops, but then have to put on a winter coat and mitties and a hat too... Grrr... I refuse to put away my flip flops.

Looking forward to seeing you here in Minneapolis.

Hey! You clearly aren't taking this 'airport security' thing seriously enough. What?! You want PROOF that mascara is a serious threat to American civilization? I've got two words for you lady: Brittany Spears.

According to the TSA web site, you can have liquid mascara, up to 3oz. (do they make 3oz bottles of masacara?). Perhaps it is the wand they object to? Perhaps the pink and green packaging?

If you haven't seen Naomi Wolf's The End of America" speech on YouTube, you should definitely check it out. We are indeed in serious trouble.

I feel ya on the blonde eyelashes issue. I'm so blonde my eyelashes are TRANSPARENT. I feel like a chemo patient if I go without mascara!

It's funny, I do this on accident all the time and never get caught. Usually I don't even realize I have done it until after I have gone through security. My lip gloss is not that dangerous.

Be prepared for extra humorlessness when flying into Reagan National. I was flying back from Boston and at the ticket counter they asked where I was flying to. I told them Reagan National. They guy at the ticket counter asked, "Why?" "Uh, because I live there," I said a bit sarcastically. I thought he was just being nosey. The counter guy said, "I have to ask that." Really, since when? I understand asking asking the "why" question when someone is arriving internationally for Visa purposes. Why does it matter "why" I am going somewhere when flying domestically? If I was up to no good I certainly wouldn't tell the truth about it.

Not the gallon size or the snack-size, either! Only the QUART size bag can protect us from terrorists. According to the TSA, THE QUART SIZE IS MAGIC.

That's right - and it must be the size QUART baggie, because all other methods of destruction and doom come in the other sizes. Apparently doom and destruction cannot be contained in a quart-sized anything.

A few years ago (before 9/11) I was flying back from visiting family in New York City. I had a sports bag FULL of goodies from the NYC bakeries - - rolls, bread, pastries . . . you name it, it was in there.

I got pulled out of line at St. Louis Lambert Airport after they scanned that bag, and was asked by the screeners (with MANY MANY security guards standing by) to unlock and open the bag. Apparently they thought the little wrapped bundles looked like drug packets! I unlocked the bag and opened it. The smell of fresh bread and Italian pastries filled the air. I asked if anyone was hungry before I closed up the bag, that there was plenty in there to share. The screeners, very red-faced, said no. The security guards were having a lot of trouble not grinning or laughing out loud.

But funny thing - - I had a big metal can of Italian Olive Oil in another bag, and it went through without a hitch . . . go figure . . . :)

People, the point of the ziploc bag is not to make the mascara and other cosmetics safe. The point of putting all of your cosmetics (gels and liquids etc.) in one baggy is to limit the amount of gels/liquids any one person can take on a plane and to make it easier for the TSA workers to examine the items quickly and efficiently; the point is to make the line move more quickly. However, at this point, I doubt that any terrorist is going to try to get an explosive gel/liquid on a plane by placing it a cosmetics container.

This is what I refer to as "The War Against Moisture". My little plastic baggie is labeled "Winning the War Against Moisture", and so far, it seems to be working. None of my potentially dangerous items such as toothpaste and Maybelline mascara have combined to form a lethal weapon that could bring a plane down. See the photo here, (the paw belongs my bad little tortie, Lilu, also helping to Win the War Against Moisture). http://flickr.com/photos/su_bo/570220120/in/set-72157600401276366/

http://www.scruffydan.com/blog/?p=876

if you want, maybe you can check that out. it's funny. kind of.

Is there really a more useless job than a TSA agent? measuring toothpaste and bagging random objects that could never hurt anyone, ever, no matter how much force you put into it?

And does anyone besides me think it's odd that you can have knitting needles (knitting NEEDLES!!) in your carry on, but not mascara? I mean, since mascara is so obviously more dangerous and terror inducing than KNITTING NEEDLES?!?!

sorry. I'll get off my soapbox now...

ha! Good for you, Laurie, for making fun of these silly rules. Gimme a break! We Americans have to be looking pretty freakin' foolish to the rest of the world!

OK, in return for your funny story, I have one for you. I like to watch the home shopping networks when I'm on the computer or puttering ... for the background noise ... and sometimes (because it's live TV) something funny happens like this from a few weeks ago:

They were selling a teeth whitening kit and were taking callers. A sweet old lady called and had some questions about the product. Her voice was shaky so it was a little hard to understand her. Her last question sounded like "CAN I USE THE WHITENER ON MY CAT?" ... the hosts' smiles froze on their faces ... until one of them recovered and realized what the question was, and replied, "YES YOU CAN USE IT ON YOUR CAP!"

Subo.... gorgeous cat!
.

Another fine example of our tax dollars at work...ROFL...have a safe and fun trip.

That's why I just check everything. Just seems easier to replace everything they lose than to bother with dealing with the TSA.

You are so silly. The mascara by itself is not a threat. When combined with other deadly materials such as gel blush, glossy lipcolor, and -- heaven help us -- styling mousse, however, it can reach critical mass before you know it, especially if these various paraphernalia are from DIFFERENT MANUFACTURERS. You would not want to cause an international incident by mixing Maybelline with Clinique, now would you?

When we went to Mexico I had to run back to the check-in counter with a backpack containing my sunscreen and my husband's shampoo, because we'd forgotten all about them and both were over 3.5 oz. (Because everyone knows that while 3.5 oz of your favorite cosmetic is perfectly harmless, 4 oz is up to no good.) Good thing we didn't really need the backpack en route. They let me have my knitting, however, thank goodness.

I suppose if they let something get by and then something happened, they'd never hear the end of it.

OH yes, I feel MUCH safer now! Thanks gawd for ziplock baggies, they SHALL free us from terroist attacks FOR SURE!

I got through airport security in Manchester NH with a pair of scissors, a hoof pick, and unbeknownst to me, a fork. (It was in my purse. Long story.) This was in January, 2002. I moved the scissors and hoof pick for the return trip, but the screener in San Jose found the fork and made me put it in my checked luggage, thus making the world safer for salads everywhere.

Back in June when I flew from Vegas to visit my girlfriend in L.A., the Las Vegas security peeps took my Wild Yam foot lotion (1/2" too large) and a brand new bottle of Lancome face cleanser. $80 in one fell swoop! I had my makeup bag inside my carry-on -- which had a tube of Lancome mascara, but they didn't touch that!

It never ceases to amaze me what they arbitrarily take and what they'll let go through. Consistency would be nice, yanno?

Perhaps they need to go shopping and haven't had time, so they see what they want and grab it for themselves for later?

Anyway, hubs and I are headed to Wichita for Thanksgiving and we are putting EVERYTHING in the bag to be checked...the only thing we are carrying on board is my purse and some reading material (yes, Laurie's book, natch!).

Takes the fun out of flying, tha's fa sho!

Ah, yes. I once forgot to contain my oh-so-combustible and highly dangerous Kiehl's lip gloss in a ziploc bag and threw the screener into a tizzy. After the screener and I dueled, I with my lipgloss and she with her latex gloves, I ran through the airport threatening to buy some shampoo and blind anyone who dared touch me.

The War!on!Moisture! is a total joke.

Why does everyone keep saying "BUT YOU CAN CARRY KNITTING NEEDLES!!!" like it's SURPRISING or SHOCKING.

Please tell me what you would do if someone came at you with a DEADLY KNITTING NEEDLE. Personally, my foot > your needle. Are you going to bar my feet from planes too?

Last time I flew I was put into the plexiglass penalty box because the metal detector went off. Then, my underwire bra and toe rings set off the wand metal detector. I was all kinds of fondled and they didn't even buy me a drink.
Yet coming back to the US from Jamaica, I waltzed through customs with contraband in my purse.

No, not that kind of contraband--an apple. You aren't supposed to bring in foreign vegetation, you know.

phew. That was an exciting, sweaty few moments, I'll bet. Thank God for the ziplock.

Can you believe my sister is BALKING at the MoA book event on Thursday??!!?? I begged, pleaded, cajoled her to go on my behalf, to show off her fabulous beading (she doesn't knit), but she says she doesn't "have the relationship with Crazy Aunt Purl" that I do. Something about 'hour drive, kids, school night, homework, dinner'... All I can do is sit here and shake me head. Maybe, though, she's really planning to go and stealthily meet CAP and get a book signed and take a picture together and send it all to me for Christmas!

Or not.

But maybe!

Like I've said before, air travel will always give you lots of material for blogging...

It always angers me how the least educated (and by that I mean those who have not yet advanced beyond object permanence) end up with these jobs and they are so proud of their POWER that they will use any opportunity to show off that they hold you at their will...they can have you miss your flight altogether, they can confiscate things, and they can have you arrested if you respond in the appropriate "f*ck you" way that you're so desperate to do.

I really appreciate that they are so well-trained as to know that the key to terrorism prevention is to put the object of terror in a baggie, because we all know that it is physically impossible for you to remove it from the baggie from the point of security check to arrival at your hotel.

The only thing I've had confiscated recently is a jar of apple butter that a friend gave me as a gift on a recent trip. Evidently you can do quite a bit of damage with apple butter and it is still considered in the "liquid" category.

I also stood behind a couple at the Dulles (Washington DC) airport who had just bought a bottle of wine in the Duty-Free shop just before the security line and TSA agents would NOT let them take it through...even though they had a receipt and kept pointing at the store. I guess they had to turn around and drink it right there. I don't know, I had to leave before I screamed.

I want to be so rich that I don't have to take anything with me when I travel--I'll just buy all-new everything when I get there.

Better yet--my own plane so I don't have to deal with the indignities of travelling cattle-class.

Do they search private jet passengers the way they do commercial jets? Just asking.

At last! Someone we can pin the fall of Rome and the destruction of the British Empire. You and your mascara will be vilified internationally.

I think I am starting to put 2 and 2 together.... TSA checking baby diapers.... worried about mascara, which is made with *gasp* bat guano.... clearly poop is the enemy we should fear!

See, this is why I don't bother with airplanes. When my hand lotion and chapstick are in danger of being confiscated as Implements of Terrorism, it's time to quit flying. (On the other hand, now I know that if I put them in my very own quart-size Ziploc bag before I get to the airport, I can save Airport Security a step and get safely to my destination!) :)

is mascara really made of poop? for serious?!

At least you didn't try to bring a snow globe on the plane, they are instruments of terror that are not allowed under any circumstances:

http://www.tsa.gov/travelers/airtravel/prohibited/permitted-prohibited-items.shtm

The last time I flew to Texas, it was with this:

One METAL (has to be metal) thermos full of ice packs and my injectable meds (gotta keep them cold), which was NOT allowed to go through X-ray (I had a letter from my doc saying so).

Two knee braces with metal stabilizers.

One ankle brace with a broken ankle inside.

You can imagine how much fun that was. On the bright side, I now know that my knee and ankle braces don't test positive for explosives.

I'm with Tracy. But then I have started to wonder that if you fly commercial, would people be suspicious because you have no luggage?

On a related note, when I was coming home from Las Vegas, they started splitting up the group that was in line at airport security. We'd get to the metal detector thingy and the lady at the station would say, "You go over there." Well a number of us were sent over there wondering what was going on and why we got singled out and I said real loudly, "well isn't it obvious, they singled out all us sexy people for a body search." TSA didn't think it was funny but the group did.

psychomom's terrorist theory: Osama bin Laden started the fire!

Have you seen his lashes?

it is funny to hear all the stories about TSA nit picking things their website says are OK. It is also why it is good I don't have to fly, as I am a consumate smart ass who would no doubt be found guilty of trying to inject humor into the whole situation by taking a bag full of "approved items" each with a laminated printout of the website attached like little sales tags. Ohh... there is an idea, open a store selling these items and use the printed out website approval on the packaging. LMAO

They would so lock me up, wouldn't they?

Even if you check your bag, there are no guarantees...

I flew to Kansas City in Sept. I checked my bag, b/c I cannot be bothered with trying to fit my friggin' toiletries in a quart-sized ziploc. The screeners in my departing locale opened it (I guess they'd never seen Tom's of Maine toothpaste before; toothpaste in a metal tube must have freaked them out!). They did not close the baggie after their inspection, but did leave their lovely calling card, telling me that they'd searched my bag. My shampoo (or whatever) could have easily leaked, not only over the contents of my bag, but out of it. And if my bag (and me) had been pulled aside for oozing a "suspicious substance," I would have been highly pissed.

At least the guy who got to fondle you was cute. They never seem to have those at any of the airports I fly out of.

*snort*
I think Diet Coke just came out of my nose.

Damn! you are funny, girl!

I had to be stopped from carrying an almost empty tube of full-size toothpaste on a plane, once. There were definitely less than 3 oz left, but who knows what kind of evil plan would have been implemented had the TSA agent not confiscated it? Praying for feline safety during your absence.

Now we know the truth: the world's gone crazier.

did you guys ever hear about that girl who was on a plane and wearring a miniskirt? people were getting mad and complaining and the flight attendants asked her to cover herself up. I mean, she wasn't "hanging out" or anything like that, it was just a short skirt (as short as any other tiny but fashionable female these days would wear...ya know, the kind that you would kill your daughter for wearring?) and the attendants eventually made her wrap a blanket around her legs.

I was outraged on her behalf! The only thing that did was stop the middle aged men from ogling. and, really, since when has the length of skirt ever stopped a man from ogling? and were they protectin passengers from terrorism? no. they were protecting passengers from a panty shot! they were protecting passengers from her vagina! i saw the story on the news. i'm sure it can be googled....

For this post alone, you deserve a 2nd book contract! I love you and your writing even more than I love my waterproof mascara..that's alot!

Hi Laurie....ah yes airport security....be careful...be afraid...but whatever you do NEVER, I mean NEVER make a joke with TSA!!!!
How I wish I could get down to MOA to see you on Thursday but I live almost 3 hours away...halfway between Minneapolis & Fargo to be exact...and my boss scheduled me to do a presenatation on Thursday at 2 PM...doesn't this man know my most favorite blogger in the world is practically coming to MN to see me???? DRATS!
I did buy your book last weekend and am loving it!
Enjoy Minnesota, the weather has been loverly here...no snow in sight...yet, but be prepared you never know!
Hopefully I will meet you when you are on your next book tour!
Brenda
PS MOA ROCKS!

They did that to me last time I flew... in addition to mascara being a horrible danger, the fact that there's about 0.25oz. of it per tube, well there's an amount you can really do some damage with.

Airport security is one of the top five things that makes my head explode. I'm flying this Thursday and I'm getting worked up about it already.

On my last flight those greedy TSA meanies snatched my teeny tiny tube of Mary Kay hand mosturizer which I took everywhere with me. I bet they have great fun at the end of their shifts divvy-ing up all the confiscated loot!

I'm surprised you weren't dragged off to rot at Guantanamo Bay.

That was totally me a few weeks ago...

but your guy was cute. Mine...well, not so much.

Does anyone remember those metal tampon holders from like the 60s? *giggle*

And if anyone demanded to look in my baby's diaper, I'd just take it off and hand it to them. Upside the head.

I had the exact same kind of mascara removed from my possession by a TSA agent last year! I understand that there's a tiny bit of liquid black gunk in the tube, but really... What are we going to do, poke people in the eye with mascara so we can take over the plane? Puh-lease.

Never, ever joke with TSA people. Ever.

I wouldn't leave my cats alone if there was a fire nearby. I would be afraid they wouldn't be there when I got back.

Way back in the '80s I traveled from Chicago to Montana with a Polka Cello [you can see a similar 'beastie' here: http://tinyurl.com/22o4c5 scroll down about half way].

As I was going to the ticket counter I slowly realized I was being followed by airport security. And I mean a half dozen men.

As I stood in line I was surrounded by them, and let me tell you, I was scared to death. One finally said to me, "What you got there?"

I was surrounded by 100 people in various lines, all horribly interested in what was going on.

I actually had to show them [and everyone else around me] how a person played such a thing before they 'let me go'.

In 2003 when I flew from Indy to Florida I was taken aside and 'wanded' and then also felt up by some woman.

I tried to enjoy it, but was really too pissed off to even get my nips hard.

I drive everywhere now, and I'd probably choose to swim to go overseas.

Mind you, I'm a grandmother, with grey hair, and my arthritis is so bad in the knees that the most I can do is hobble sorta fast.

Maybe it was my 'beady eyes' that did me in...
.

Ah, the incredible, explosive containment factors in Ziploc baggies are amazing. Pure genius.

brilliant! absolutely brilliant! and proof that you can be funny in the most impossible situation.

Only in America....

I actually have felt really bad for TSA since I read an article written by a reporter who got herself hired by TSA to find out what really went on there... they get pressure from airlines to get baggage through more quickly, pressure from the media any time things slide through (but never when legitimately dangerous things DON'T slide through), and pressure from everyday passengers who are pissed off and blame TSA members, when they're just trying to do their jobs.

It was a really good article, I wish I remembered where it was!

I took a group of students to Spain over the summer and the trip home was worse than the trip there. I had with me size 10 and 11 dpns and circulars (24 pointy ends in all) all bamboo, but I get stopped for the coke bottle in my suitcase. It was an empty bottle with arabic on one side from our day to Morocco. Craziness.

I too, love the book. I just finished it and am passing it on to a friend who just got divorced. Love the ribbed brim hat pattern (notice the knitting needles that were with me . . . guess what i was making . . . ).

Happy Travels!

You sound so much like a friend of ours. She was in a rush to the airport. At security she got stoped and pulled aside to be "hand checked". The confiscated her water bottle, they didn't however say a single word about her professional consmetology scissor folder that held 8 pairs of shears, and two razors all freshly sharpened. Apparently her water was FAR more of a threat than her scissors and razors.

With security we kinda take it one day at a time. No?

Enjoy the trip.

Cindi

I hope you get some time outside in MN. We are supposed to have frost Thursday night.

This also happened to me. Just after I'd assured my elderly mother that the TSA screening would be "nothing" I was nabbed for stray mascara. Who knew?! But they let me exceed my 3 item limit by putting it the same baggie with my possibly dangerous shampoo, conditioner, and skin scrub. (I just didn't tell them about the plastic chap stick in my pocket. hee, hee.)

However, the Italian-version TSA took away my small wooden knitting needles, size 8, last summer in Florence. They let me keep my size 2 double pointeds, though, which just goes to show none of this makes ANY sense.

So Laurie, haven't had enuf? Or and Wash, and now Minn. Been there - and I'd rather be there than where those unfortunate souls in S. Cal. happen to reside. In Dakota, Minn, we had our average tornadoes. Ok! In Or and Wash we get the occasional rumble/roll on the floor, and sometimes flooding. OK! But fire - fire bad! Did you ever think about moving to a safer zone? Now, where would that be? Absolutely not an emerging African nation. All things considered - we are more fortunate than so many. Whoa! What's that? A tremblor? 'scuse me while I kiss the sky!

The TSA defines liquid and gel very differently than I do. :P

That, and some of the prohibited items are confusing...I can't take a blade of any type (as the TSA dude reminded me when he confiscated the 2" knife from my Swiss Army card, on a recent trip back from Portland OR), but scissors up to 4" long ARE okay to carry on.

Of course, the Swiss Army card was in the same place as when I flew out of San Jose, and the TSA agents here didn't have a problem with it.

And once I got to my gate while at PDX, I was reminded of something, so I checked my purse, adn yep...small Swiss Army knife in there, which they hadn't caught. *sigh*

I'm not mad at the dudes who do the enforcing at the airports, they really are just worker bees. I honestly don't think they get off on any sort of power trip, they're just trying to cover their asses and keep their jobs. It's the people who make the confusing rules who piss me off.

LOL! Who knew such terror lurked in the innocuous-looking pink and green container?

Is the straight applicator more dangerous than the curvy one?

I am SO one to argue with the TSA guys... good point about the drinking-in-the-bar time...

Wonder who invented ziploc plastic baggies and if they ever, in a million years, would have thought their simple little baggie would one day save the world from a terrorist such as Crazy Aunt Purl with the Maybelline mascara of terror?

Hee Hee. What would happen If someone were to show up at airport security wearing only a very large zip-loc bag? (with the appropriate censor's strips attached) and several empty zip-loc bags as carry-ons? That could make headlines (or not).???

OH, and don't forget.. you are also allowed to USE ONLY one zip lock baggie.. apparently, their ability to protect the world, the aircraft only is available if each passenger uses only one baggie.

Don't ask how I know. *Darting eyes up and down and over to the others in the post.

I was bringing grits to a Japanese friend who used to live in my home-state... I don't know if they opened my bag or what, but there were grits all over my bag (and yarn inside the bag) along with the little note saying my bag had been checked.

Actually, I wonder if all bags are checked routinely, because I always get that little tag inside.

Sending wet thoughts to your area, Laurie. May it rain all over Encino-adjacent so your sweet little kitty family is safe.

Maybe they didn't think the mascara was the bomb...maybe you were 'da bomb!

My mom was stopped once for the 'unidentifiable' mass in the bottom of her purse...it was years of throwing loose coins in there. Ha!

I too caused quite the commotion at Boston's Logan airport because I had forgotten about the water bottle in my backpack. They said, "Just don't let it happen again." I'm sure my ID is tagged at this point--Potential Serial Transgressor--watch her for water bottle violations. Any my poor husband has the unfortunate "big feet" syndrome. He is almost always wand or hand searched because of his feet. Laurie, I can't wait to see you at the MOA. I hope that you get the chance to shop there.

At Philadelphia International it is suspect hoagie sandwiches which bring the TSA to a complete halt -- (It was even in a quart size ziploc bag!) After much review of the screen and digging through my bag, I was pulled aside and asked "Ma'am, is this your sandwich?" I said yes and asked if bringing a hoagie with both mayo and oil on a flight violated some unwritten rule. Not received well. Just glad I made my flight. I think they were just jealous because it wasn't airport food. :)

I travel by air relatively frequently. I know all the rules. Nevertheless I managed to completely forget about a small, metal tube of cortisone cream that I had in the bottom of my bag. Yes, it also took a good 20 minutes before they found it. Take heart, we can't be the only two women to have forgotten about a contraband item in the bottom of a bag...

Hit post to fast...

CMS, we know the reasons for the rules, we just prefer to vent in ways that amuse us. ;)

Laurie--May the fires stay far away from the kitty clan.

Do your cats do this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEmQHkdBHr0&e

(wait for the last 15 seconds)

My hair styling mousse was permanently confiscated this weekend because I am too stupid to know that before you shake the can and spray the mousse out, it is liquid inside the canister. Also, I discovered that they don't make mousse in small quart sized containers so now I have to check my luggage because of the mousse or I have to have bad hair. I'm struggling to come to terms with this so thanks for sharing your version.

This is one of the funniest things I've read in years. Honestly, you need to think about quitting your job and embarking on stand-up comedy. If you decide against that, then at least take a shot at syndicating your column in newspapers. At least then we'd have something to laugh about along with the usual terrible the-world-is-about-to-collapse news we usually find every morning when we open our over-earnest local and national newspapers. Thanks for sharing your wonderful, quirky, off-beat take on this world with the rest of us--

Hint: Eyelash tint. $28 and 15 minutes or so. lasts about a month. doesn't smear when teary. or sleeping.

As a constituent of the great state of IOWA, I'd like to say I, for one, would be just fine with having you as my senator. Rock on! I'll meet you at the bar with knitting implements in hand.
Kim

Oh. My. Lord.
Too funny.
Thank you for making the world safe for mascara and for giving me the best laugh I've had today (when a rotten cold virus has sabotaged your immune system, your sense of humor -- like the TSA's -- takes a nose dive [no pun intended]). Laughter is the best medicine!
Wish I could see you in St. Paul (I live down river -- the Mississippi, of course --) but I have to work. Travel safely with your hermetically sealed no-longer-a-threat-to-world-peace cosmetics!

If I weren't on the other side of LA from you, I'd love to check on the kitties. I've been catless for a while and do miss snuggling with the furry beasts, and I come highly recommended for scratching, petting, and chin chucking. (Wonder what kind of googles that sentence will earn you.)
Of course, if your cats are anything like mine were, they know that you are the cause of this weather that gives them a nasty shock every time you touch them, and they hate it and are plotting your destruction.

Laurie,

Please please please tell me you have someone set up to evacuate the kitty babies if needs be, and that you have all your really important documents traveling with you:

Passport
Birth certificate
Proof of divorce from Schmuck of the Year (can you tell I read your book Sunday - yup start to finish)
Renter's insurance policy
Back up of which ever computer you keep your writing on.

Please leave the yarn stash in a fireproof safe.

But mostly have a plan in place for the fur babies.

You can ship them to my house (north of SF but it's better than nothing) if needs be. I have an entire empty room they can hang out in.

Or have your parental units haul butt to get there in their RV and bring the fur babies to a safe place.

Jenn - aka Tiny Tyrant

PS your book tour better bring you through Northern California.

Dear Tiny Tyrant, please do not freak me out any more than I am already freaked out!!!! I can't control the weather or the schedule. I am really not wanting to talk about the fires, so please no one mention them anymore.

Thanks!!!
signed, already a nervous wreck thanks

Also, to the one who said "I would never leave my cats alone..." thanks, because that made me feel awesome about something I am contractually obligated to do. Thanks man!

And they aren't alone, I have a sitter.

I'm closing comments if anyone tries to freak me out more Just FYI.

Years ago, way before 9/11, we were on our way to Florida, flying out of a tiny regional airport, when my mom was harassed by the TSA folks over her Clinique Lip Gloss - apparently it was a "martial arts weapon." Pretty small one, to fit inside that tube, so how much damage could it do?

Glad you and your mascara are safe. Still pisses me off that I can't bring a water bottle (or anything to drink) to the airport.

Tag, you're it!

(And sorry to hear about the search -- hope the searcher was at least cute enough to be worth it. :)

Hi Laurie! I wanted to wish you a wonderful time in Minnesota - it is a great place and everyone is so nice, I know you will love it! I had planned on coming to meet you but just got a new (much needed!) new job so I won't be able to make the trip from South Dakota. I'll be there in spirit, tho!
Love you!

Oh do not get me started. On what planet is that considered a liquid? I just went through PDX and SJC screening with mascara, coverup, lip gloss, and a Tide spot stick...LOOSE!

Glad we all survived.

Woman, you crack me up.

That mascara always smudged underneath my eyes. Does it do that for you?

Try having them find a knife in your bag as your boss and employee you try to get through security!! It was a butter knife (no idea why I had it in my laptop bag). I was so flustered and embarassed that I told them to just throw it out. They refused. A bunch of them got together and discussed it (loudly) and determined that I was allowed to keep it!

We were flying back from a meeting (Philly missed it on the flight to the meeting and I missed it the million times I dug in the bag during the meeting). It was a sales meeting and most of the local sales people were on our plane. So, when the guys freaked about me being alowed to knit with circular needles, my boss and employee cracked up and all of the local sales reps and managers heard about how I brought a knife to the meeting. I had to pull it out to show that it was a butter knife, which drew attention from the other passengers who then, of course, had to be told the same story...

Have a wonderful trip! Can't wait to hear all about it.

So, do you hire a cat sitter to come in and check on the cats? Or do you just leave really big bowls of water and food out? Or, like my sister, do you open the bag of food, leave it in the middle of the kitchen floor, and put the lid up on the toilet

"It is the Mascara of Mass Destruction." Best. Caption. Ever.

I unknowingly snuck illicit Purel hand sanitizer by the TSA screeners this weekend (I didn't realize it was there until after the trip). Apparently it's not nearly as sinister-looking on X-ray as mascara. The mysteries of the TSA. . .

Gee whiz. My husband had to throw away a new tube of toothpaste because he did not have a ziploc baggy to put it in. I know those guys have to play by the rules, but...wow

Not long after 911 and while these silly rules were in the "confiscate nail clippers" stage, a friend of the family inadvertently flew into the country with a sword in his carry-on bag. A real sword, big and sharp. It was a gift, his son is a collector. He meant to put it into his checked luggage but just spaced it and forgot.

Security didn't find it, and he changed planes at least twice, sweating like a pig all the while after he realized it was in his carry on. And, as the icing on the cake, he is Dark and Swarthy and was Traveling Alone - a profiler's kindergarten worksheet. Never even got questioned.

I'm so glad they jumped right on your mascara and kept the world safe from an attack by a blonde with a Southern accent armed with a wand of Maybelline.

I am appalled. Those airport rules are so stupid that I think I just hurt myself trying to come up with a word for them.

And still, all I can think of is "stupid".

It was great to see you in Seattle, btw. I realize that I actually DID have mascara in my bag when I crossed the border, but it was in a ziploc bag because that's what I use for a makeup bag. No, I wasn't wearing any. I don't wear makeup. Don't ask.

The part about ziplock baggies having extraordinary powers must be true. I flew several months ago, and I put my toothpaste, shampoo, etc. (all in small travel sizes) in a clear plastic toiletries bag. This was unacceptable. I had to remove them from the bag and place them in a ziplock baggie. I was then allowed to put the ziplock back inside the toiletries bag, as obviously all the toothpaste threat had been neutralized.
Culturally, we've gone insane.
I'm so glad that you've learned how to contain the mascara threat.
Have fun at MOA! If the drive from Ohio were short enough that I could get there after work, I would so be there!

Um...... didn't you mean NUKE-YU-LER???
and thanks for saving the free world with that there ziplock bag.........you're like a super hero!! enjoy the cooler "knitwearable" weather in MN!!!

I agree with Cara: you should SO be syndicated in a newspaper column! I love the way you can make us laugh over the worst things in life.

My Grandmother and I took my cousin to the airport a yr ago. She is 15 so we wanted to walk her back they would only let one of us go and only if they got a special pass from the airline and couldn't take a purse or anything. So pervs are ok lets not worry about the safety of a minor, but mascara wielding blonds must be stopped.

They wouldn't let me fly (domestic, in Australia) with knitting needles this weekend :( I had to check my luggage. Boo. Waiting lounge time + flight time = quite a bit of a sock, when you're on a schedule!

All the toiletries, pretty sure they let them go through with no problems. Go figure.

I got your book this week! Can't wait to find a quiet moment to sit down to it!

PS there was snoopy-dancing before and after the book comment above, where did it go? stupid blooger. :(

When I was in grade school, the US government made us have regular drills where we crouched down under our desks. This was supposed to save us from Total Thermonuclear War!

Later on, the US government came up with a plan so that after said Total Thermonuclear War, they could still get the mail delivered on time! A folk singer wrote a song about it (Dig a Hole in the Ground).

So, now the thing that will keep us all safe is zip-lock baggies!

Come on! The people who dream this stuff up should be locked up in a padded room!

Ohhh, so funny. You and the Harlot owe me a keyboard...that's twice today I've sprayed Dr. Pepper on it!

OK, I looked it up. The words to the song can be found here:

http://lyrics.rare-lyrics.com/S/Small-Fred/Dig-A-Hole-In-The-Ground.

Go and read them, Laurie, you'll love them. Learn the song so you can hum it in the airpost, preferably while they're searching your luggage/handbag of terror (they'll never recognize it).

I love your blog and your book. Can't wait to meet you at MOA.

But as much as I have enjoyed all the TSA stories told here, I believe my son in law has the TSA story of all TSA stories.

Mike joined the Marines shortly after 9/11. He went off to boot camp while the National Guard still had an obvious armed presence at the airports. One of these guardsmen was in the TSA line immediately in front of Mike on his way into the main part of the terminal.

Before going through the scanner the guardsman handed his rifle to one of the agents. When he stepped through the scanner it went off so he was wanded and told to empty his pockets where they found - a nail clipper.

For several seconds the guardsman and the TSA agent shared an 'I can not believe this' look. Without a word spoken the guardsman handed over his nail clippers. The TSA agent gave him back his weapon. They shared one last look, shook their heads and the guardsman proceeded onto the concourse.

HAHA!! I agree, and have noticed that I feel much safer in all areas of my life when I have a ziploc baggie always on my person!! I just don't get it! Good Luck on your travels...and being from Iowa, I would like to clear up that the gay senator situation was NOT an Iowa senator!! Not that there's anything wrong with that! :)

Laurie,

The good God above will be watching your cats for you, too. He knows how much they are loved!

Enjoy your travels!

Last year my husband and I took a weekend trip and only took carry-ons. After reading the new liquids and gels regulations, I bought small sizes of our various toiletries and packed them all in what I thought was a quart-sized ziplock (the box only gave dimensions, not capacity--I decided which bag was most likely to hold a quart of milk!). We went through Vancouver okay but flying out of LAX on the way home, I was informed that the ziplock was too big--it was a gallon-sized. Since I had other non-toiletry items packed in smaller ziplocks in my bag, I asked if we could transfer the toiletries to those. I was taken aside and the security guard inspected all my toiletries (I was not allowed to touch them or my bag) and transferred them all to two smaller bags (one each for my husband and I). When she reached the last item, a small tube of sunscreen, she hesitated because there was no capacity listed on the tube. I said I didn't care, she could throw it out if she wanted, but in the end she decided to let it go. After swabbing my bag for explosives, she repacked both small ziplock bags into the same carry-on and sent us on our merry way. I remarked to my husband, "Don't you feel so much safer now that all our toiletries are in two small ziplocks instead of one large one?" Have we really lost so much common sense that the spirit of the law is overlooked in favour of the letter of the law?

I just flew a week ago and inadvertently had a small pair of decorative scissors in my purse. I didn't discover that I had them until I was waiting to board the plane.

Yep, the security people never noticed them...I put the scissors in my checked baggage on the way home.

Well, I don't feel so bad for you. I'M the one stuck here in Idaho with Larry Craig as my senator. He really just needs to come out of the closet...or, um...bathroom stall.

I agree that the TSA rules are ridiculous and it makes flying completely not fun and probably will not prevent future terrorists attacks...but In response to some comments made earlier I have to comment. A few people have mentioned how TSA agents are uneducated and how its a dumb job...but many of the TSA positions actually require a college degree. I've applied to work at the TSA before and its actually a rather involved process. And I consider myself to be rather smart (Recent graduate of Auburn University with a degree in political science and a minor in business administration and an overall GPA of 3.4). Yes, it's not the hardest job on earth, but it does pay fairly well (I could start out at 43,000) and offers amazing benefits. Plus its an easy way to get into the federal government (which is why I applied)! I mean, I'm sure not all TSA agents are highly educated, but I also don't think the gov't would let just anyone be involved in such a large part of homeland security. The agents are just doing their job and I'm sure most of them find the rules just as dumb as the rest of us! So maybe cut them a little slack?

PS- Laurie, I love your blog! I haven't had a chance to pick up the book yet (poor college grad and all) but I hope to get a chance to read it soon. And if you get a chance to come to Atlanta on your book tour, I'll be there!

PPS- I still need a job. Anyone have government connections? :)

Maybe Al Gore could come up with a terror suppresion system that does not contribute to global warming or our need to placate any power controlling sources of oil. And also get you off the hook and the terrorist list before your next flight.

And it wasn't that many years ago that my friend's then-brother-in-law brought a *set* of knives in his carry-on bag as a gift to the family back in the old country. No room in his checked baggage, and hey, they were good knives. On sale!

if you wear this to minneapolis, you won't even need mascara...
http://www.ep.tc/larrycraigmask/