September 10, 2007
The big day has arrived! I think. Maybe...?
It looks like Amazon.com might be shipping the book out earlier than expected, so if you order it today you'll have to let me know when it arrives. October 15? Halloween?
It's exciting and crazy, all of this. This past weekend I was driving out to the pet store to stock up on cat litter because in case the cats watch The Secret DVD while I'm gone next week, I want them to feel abundant! I want them to have the harmonious pooping environment of their dreams! And anyway I was driving and the radio was off because it appears to be kind of broken, Love you Jeep! and it was good to be quiet. It kind of dawned on me that I was going to buy supplies so that I could leave and go do all these exciting things.
As nervous as I am, I know it will all somehow be OK and we'll make jokes about the time I knocked over the display at the Seattle Barnes & Noble store. I can make jokes about it now because I know where I used to be. There is no way I could have done this just a few years ago. Get on a plane, fly somewhere, meet strangers?
There was a time in late 2004, early 2005 that I was practically agoraphobic. I left my house to go to work and that was it. What I couldn't order off the internet I shopped for at the corner 7-11. I made jokes about that, too, grocery shopping at the 7-11. But it wasn't until later that I saw how much of that was motivated out of fear. The regular market had become too big, too much, all I was capable of at the time was maneuvering four aisles and the cold foods section at 7-11. They did sell pretty good wine, too, I have to say.
I never admitted it. I don't think I actually realized it, to be honest. Looking backwards always helps clarify things. It's a nice contrast, to see how far I've come out of my shell, to see myself taking risks. Whenever things start going haywire these days and I'm called upon to take some weird risk that scares me out of my pants, I hem and haw and finally I tell myself, "Screw it, old girl. You got to bet on yourself." (Not sure if saying "screw it, old girl" is really going to help my membership to the self-help club, but whatever.) That's a pretty far toss from the 7-11 days.
There's one thing I love to do more than anything in this whole world: write stuff down. Always have. I never in a million years dreamed people would read this website and think something of it. It just felt so damn good to talk about my divorce, talk about knitting, talk about the rain. It felt good to write it down when I couldn't sleep, to garden at midnight, to talk it our, on and on and on. And Lord I can be a little on the wordy side.
I just want to thank you for checking in, and I want to thank you even more if during these past three years you sent me something or emailed or donated and I didn't respond. It's not that I wasn't grateful, it's that I didn't think I deserved the effort. I really was a mess, wasn't I? Thank you for hanging in there, because I do appreciate you and I am trying very had to be deserving and useful and occasionally, maybe, even funny.
I'll let you know if I knock anything over on this crazy ass book tour of mine. I'm sure hilarity will ensue and you know I will take pictures.
Posted by laurie at September 10, 2007 2:14 PM