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August 28, 2007

Makes you want to jump up and slap somebody!

That title has nothing at all to do with today, but I was in the shower this morning thinking about how it's almost SEPTEMBER for crapsakes, and then I remembered I was going to be visiting Texas in October which is now just about six weeks away and that's how I started making a list of Southernisms I had not heard in far too long. One of which was of course, "Lawd that food is so good it makes you want to jump up and slap somebody!"

And then I started making a list of everything I plan to eat while I am in Texas. It's a rather long list for a two-day visit.

Anyway! So not the point!

I have a new friend, I met her at work. I actually met her years ago and we've worked at the same company all this time but I only recently got to spend time with her in a not-entirely-work setting and we discovered mutually that we're both of like mind, i.e. Not Very Corporate, but love working here all the same. And she's funny and warm and I love when you meet a new friend and have a girl-crush on them, it's so much fun getting to know someone new who you just click with.

Her name is also Jennifer which presents a number of problems from a storytelling perspective. I don't want her to be confused with Jennifer, who is off gallavanting around in South America with her boyfriend as we speak, but I can't refer to my new friend as New Jennifer. That implies there is an old Jennifer. And I think you know that would cross me right off the best friend list. As would identifiers such as "short Jennifer" and "tall Jennifer" or pretty much anything else that I can think of, so we'll call this new friend Work Jennifer or ...uh. Wennifer.

So Wen and I got to talking about driver's licenses and all the lies, LIES! we tell on our government documents. For example, did you know that I myself am officially 5 feet six inches tall and weigh a mere 125 pounds? Indeed! I am so tall and skinny!

And we got a good laugh out of that one.

Then Wen told me she was also much thinner on her Official Weight, and she said, "I think I put down 155. I can't remember." So she got out her purse and as we were chitchatting she got out her wallet and found her driver's license.

"Oh! Look! It's 154!" she said. "I've lost weight!"

And we both burst out laughing so loud we actually drew spectators from nearby offices.

"It appears that I thought 154 would be far more believable than 155," she said. "Apparently I was going for real truthfulness here."

Then I checked out her license -- which has a cute picture, damn her -- and that is when informed her I have The World's Worst Driver's License Photo Ever Taken, EVER. (It's so bad that I actually pre-selected an obit photo. Just in case.) Wen laughed at me, because I'm a jokester that way, but of course no one really believes I have THE worst official government photo ever taken in human history.

Until they see it.

At first I was horrified by my photo and tried very, very hard to hide it and never show it to people. I even tried to lose it but the damn thing kept popping back up. Eventually after time and wine, I began to see my photo as possibly one of the funniest things ever. I even considered setting up an online dating profile just to see who on earth would write THAT woman. Wen laughed at my embellishment ... it had to be embellishment, yes? So I showed her my picture.

Her exact response was, "Oh GOD. That's AWFUL. I'm so sorry!"

But maybe I am just embellishing. Maybe it's actually a cute, adorable picture and I'm so goofy that I can't see how sweet, young and pretty I look in it. Right? Right?



Well, perhaps the title of this column is more fitting than I realized. That photo does kind of make you want to jump up and slap somebody!

Posted by laurie at August 28, 2007 6:31 AM