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June 29, 2007

With summer comes the return of my EVIL ARCH NEMESIS!

Summertime is upon us here in Southern California, we have your heat, your wildfires, your Friday light traffic conditions (one hour door-to-door today! woohoo!) and the return of my hateful, awful, life-ruining Evil Arch Nemesis.

I used to think my evil and life-ruining arch-nemesis was the parking lot attendant at the park-n-ride, but since I can avoid him by driving to work and also since he is the parking lot attendant I'm not sure he counts as fully life-ruining. Maybe it was all the self-help I ingested, I don't know, but I started cutting the guy some slack and before long he stopped being (so) evil. However, because nature abhors a vacuum -- except for Dysons, nature loves Dysons -- before long the void in my life where the parking lot nemesis had stood was soon replaced by a more cruel and horrible villain, one who COMES TO MY NEIGHBORHOOD and TORTURES ME.

This is my evil arch-nemesis:


Yes, it's the ice-cream man.

You may be asking yourself, "Now why is she calling the ice-cream man hateful and evil? Ice cream is happy and brings joy to life, especially in the summertime!"

Listen, people. I like ice cream. Nay ... I LOVE ice cream. But my evil arch nemesis parks out on the street and blares one song, ONE EVIL SONG, at the highest volume for hours and hours on end. You can hear it inside the house with the doors and windows closed and the air conditioning on, you can hear it with the TV on, you can still hear it through earplugs and a pillow over your head. You hear it because it bores into your mind and putrefies your soul.

Evil lives, folks, and it lives in the small world of Encino-adjacent.

Posted by laurie at June 29, 2007 8:41 AM