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June 15, 2007

Weird Facts

I am so happy it's finally Friday. This has been one of those weeks where every morning I have hoped desperately it was Saturday already. I've been coming in early and leaving late, so there has been driving involved.

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I got behind this fellow the other day and in my precaffeinated state, I was puzzling out for about three miles why exactly would a meat company have a big marblebag thong as their logo?

Then I thought, "Oh, you're a dummy! That's supposed to be a cow head!"

Then I thought, "Meat thong! Hah!"

Which kind of is a theme, sadly, to this entire column. Consider yourself warned.

So, people are often sending me these little internet chain letters where you're supposed to make a list and I like doing that, I do, but often I am off on some tangent or another and just forget stuff. Also I have an electronic mail issue, but more on that later.

Anyway, a whole bunch of folks sent me this list you're supposed to make of Seven Random Facts About Yourself including Sally, who has a website called "Living Without Meat" and I got a hearty chuckle (sorry, Sally) because my mind was waaaay in the gutter on that one, hee, then I straightened up and felt so bad for being in the mindgutter that I went and did Sally's to-do list. I cannot imagine there is something I have not already bored ya'll with having to do with me, but here you go, seven more bullet points that begin with "I" ... which is a pet peeve of mine but I am not putting it on the list. Just so you know.

1) I love silence.
I spend a fair amount of my time just being silent. When I go home I don't always put on the TV and sometimes I just spend the whole night quiet, punctuated with occassional talking to the cats. But the noise is off. Looking back on my weekend in New York City, I think my main problem was that I did not have a single moment of silence. I love being quiet and still, it makes my mind calm and makes life feel happy and manageable. The proverbial Cone Of Silence itself is not quiet enough for my taste when I want to do some writing. I do manage to shut out the world when I get going, fingers flying in my ridiculous two-finger hunt and peck on a keyboard or pen on paper, but I just like it to be quiet ouside me because I guess inside my head it's noisy. Or something. What with all the voices. Meat thong!

2) I loathe email.
I wish it didn't exist and I'm trying to find a way to not have to do it. Does that make me old, and boring, and weird? Unplugging for just five days during my trip got me so behind I may never catch up and I feel frustrated all the time with it. I don't like being that behind on a thing. Speaking of which...

3) I could unplug forever.
You know how some folks can't really go a whole day without going online or checking the email and all that? I have literally seen a person vibrate with the anticipation of going on a computer. It is something to behold. But I am someone who if left to her own devices wouldn't go online at all or do anything even near a computer. I guess it's because computers are my job and so when I'm not at work developing secretary spread I would just be happy if I never saw a computer screen. But also it seems like online there's all this stuff I have to do (see: email) and I'd rather be drinking wine and reading a good book or knitting. Or writing, or lint-rolling the cat, or vacuuming. I also refuse to have a crackberry or a palm pilot, and in fact they kind of scare me. I see guys all the time driving and checking their blackberry and it seems impossible to me that your human safety in an automobile is less interesting than an email but whatever. Who am I to judge He And His Blackberry!

4) I write longhand.
I still find pen on paper the most pleasing thing ever.

5) I won't date guys who wear those little cellular phone cyborg earpiece thingies.
I know. I'm horrible. Feel free to send me hate mail, I'll get to it sometime this fall.

6) I have never been bored.
I guess it's the voices in my head keeping me amused, but I honestly don't think I have ever been bored. Even in long, slow-moving stifling traffic. I just go off someplace inside and think my little thoughts. In long, insufferable meetings I'm happy to make lists. And waiting in line is always good for people-watching. Maybe it's a sign of mental weakness or something but I just don't think I have ever once been bored.

7) I am fantasizing about vacation OBSESSIVELY.
I haven't had a real, REAL vacation in over a year and I am freakishly obsessed with vacation right now, even though I cannot feasibly take one until 2008. Oh you know that thing I said about unplugging, blah blah blah? Until I can unplug, while I am in front of a computer you can bet your last dollar I am online searching for vacation deals, reading Sherman's Travel Top Ten Lists, checking out the deals (updated daily) on SmarterTravel.com, and hanging out at Kayak.com. The best BEST feature of Kayak? If you click on the word BUZZ in the top navigation, you can search for all the cheapest flights from your destination to anywhere in the world, broken down by region. I love this because I am the sort of traveler who says, "Hey look! Five hundred bucks roundtrip to Ireland, let's go!" even if I never thought of Ireland as a destination. Online travel websites are like porn and crack cocaine combined, I love them.

8) I love taking pictures.

I know ya'll already know this fact, and also wasn't this supposed to be a Top Seven List? But I take my camera everywhere because life is funny and needs to be laughed at later in the privacy of your own home. For all my talk of unplugging, I sure would be lost and sad without my digital camera. I used to spend nearly fifty bucks a month on film and developing back in the day, now my little camera allows me to capture all the artistic wonder of the world free as a bird.


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Have a great weekend and keep your meat thong in your meat pants!

Posted by laurie at June 15, 2007 10:14 AM