Hippo Birdie two ewe!
Hippo Birdie two ewe!
Hippo Birdie dear Laurie!
Hippo Birdie two ewe!

Oh wow first!

Happy Birthday Laurie and many more! You've come a long way baby!

ok. I'm second. I knew it was too good to be true!

Happy Birthday! Thank you for this beautiful post!

Happy birthday! I hope you have a wonderful day with your beach and your book (and your margarita, I hope) and your fabulous new attitude.

Happy Birthday!

I'm so excited for you that you are able to look back on things and understand them. I often look back at things and am then sent into another whirlwind of bitterness. You are such a survivor. I have so much respect for you.

Hey, could be worse. The Yarn Harlot just figured out (on her birthday) that she was one year older than she thought she was.

Happy Birthday, Laurie! You deserve a day off, and have it just be a day. Wake up, have some coffee, bring something to drink and a big fat book to the beach and just zone out. That sounds fantastic to me!

Older and wiser; it's a journey.

Happy Birthday! (and wear sunscreen).

Your last lines made me laugh out loud (and shoot tea across my office, but that was a bonus). Happy Birthday! Don't forget the traditional birthday wine, which goes well with beach and reading and happy.
I am a married mother of 3, and I only get a birthday cake if I bake it myself. I used to get really bitter and upset at this (for the last 20 years) but I finally realized that if I needed cake, I am a fantastic baker. And cake does not make the birthday . So it took me a lot longer than you to realize that I can be happy enjoying what the birthday is, instead of what it isn't.
Otherwise, enjoy the year ahead. Appreciate how you have changed, and look forward to the changes ahead. And don't forget wine!

Happy birthday! Enjoy it and your happy place!

Kathleen, that little detail you just shared made me so happy. Thank you.

I felt really weird posting this, a little anyway, because it sometimes sucks revealing that you have spoiled rotten places inside you, where you get mean and petty and bitter about a thing. But there it is. I was just so hung up on holding onto hurt things sometimes.

Thank you for telling me about the cake thing. I found this immensely comforting!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Have a good one, Laurie!

You are incredibly wise for one so young. (Shut up! You are too young!)

Best wishes for a very happy birthday!
Katia

Happy Birthday, Laurie! You HAVE come a long way, baby!! Love reading your blog.

Happy Birthday!!!!!
Have a lovely day - the beach has got to be the best place to spend it!!

Laurie, this post is fantastic. It IS your birthday present, all this hard-won wisdom. And because you really "get" it, you will have more peace and happiness than you ever would have with Mr. X.

Happy, happy birthday Aunt Purl. You are loved.

Happy Birthday dear Internets friend. I too stayed too long. Guess I enjoyed the power in the relationship when x did Very Bad Things and I caught him. Realized I really didn't have power when he would not stop VBT. I am emailing you my pic of Int'l KIP Day at the beach.

Bonne anniversaire,
Nos voeux les plus sincères,
Que ces quelques fleurs
Vous apportent le bonheur,
Que la vie entière
Vous soit douce et légère
Et que, l'an fini,
Nous soyons tous réunis.

There's just a tiny bit of Paris for you, via Massachusetts. OK, so it's not all sweetness and light for any of us, but that's how the song goes... have a truly awesome birthday! 36 is a lovely number for knitting, being round and flexible, just like us.

Happy Birthday, and I do mean the HAPPY part. Isn't it great when you realize that against all odds, you feel good and happy. Pooh on Mr. X and all of his kind! Living well is the best revenge!

You really picked the perfect topic to write about today. I just found out my husband has done a Very Bad Thing and I'm struggling just to get through my day at work. I just mentioned to my best-friend-coworker that I didn't deserve to lose one more day being unhappy and "settling" for something less than ideal; that didn't I deserve to be happy? I think you just helped me get through the rest of my shitty day. Thanks!

Happy Birthday Laurie! Enjoy your book and the beach and just being happy. :) *Birthday Hugs*

You go, girl! Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have a fab birthday on the beach - enjoy!

Happy Birthday, Laurie! Have fun at the beach with your book and your birthday. (I've always wanted to spend my birthday at the beach, but being born in January tends to put the kibosh on that.) :)

(((birthday hugs!)))

Oh wow! What a beautiful post. You should listen to the song "Someone Else's Story". It is from the Broadway musical CHESS.

Have a wonderful birthday.

P.S. You should have an email from me.

Happy Birthday!
I just discovered your blog a week or so ago.
Now that I'm so out of the icky place and into a good place I ask myself the same question; why in the world did I stay in crappy unhappy land for so long? Guess I didn't want anyone else to know I didn't have everything all under control.
So over it!

Happy Birthday!!!

I've found that the BEST birthdays are usually the ones that you plan for yourself - you get to do what YOU want to do, when you want to do it, and no one else gets to offer an opinion about how they don't like the pasta at XYZ or it's too hot to read at the beach and didn't we just do that 5 years ago???

It gets better and better.

I promise.

Because ultimately - you are your own best friend.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LAURIE!!!!

And thank you, thank you, thank you for this post.

I needed reminding that I'm responsible for my happiness.

A book and the beach? Sounds perfect to me. Enjoy your day.

Oh, Laurie. I just want to give you a big ol' inappropriate hug (but not in a weird innernet stalkerish way or anything) because I am a "cursed birthday" girl myself. What is it about June birthdays anyway? Don't believe me? My family FORGOT my 16th birthday...and that's just one of many icky birthday stories. I also have Mr. X who did a lot of Very Bad Things and with whom I stayed for far too long only to be dumped because he was "embarrassed to be seen in public" with me. Anyway, I turned 42 on Monday and was fully prepared for my annual bout of birthday depression...except that it didn't happen. I'm happier than I ever was during my marriage (and 70 lbs. lighter, too, thanks to the "not a diet" diet), my kid is great, my family is great, I have a new job where my co-workers actually noticed my birthday and got me lovely flowers and a gift. Life is good.

And okay, so I did a teeny bit of "self-pick-me-up" by way of an incredible shoe sale (Bandolino flats for $20.00!!), but still, I know you get my point because I could've written every single word you said in this blog entry about myself (well, I could have if I was a good writer anyway).

So, I therefore declare on behalf of you, and me, and everyone else suffering from annual birthday cursedness that 2007 is the "Year the Curse Ends."

May happiness and cake abound!

So young and yet so wise! Happy Birthday, and thank you. I hope one of my best friends can finish reading your post (through her tears - Husband did a few VBT's - fresh wounds) to at least the part where you ask "Why did I stay so long?". You are going to have a fabulous day, and LIFE! Life is GOOD, isn't it?! Weeeeee!

Happy Birthday! Have a great time with your book :)

Best wishes to you on your special day, Laurie. Savor your time to yourself. Revel in it. Roll nekkid in fried okra if necessary. ;)

Happy Birthday!!

Happy Birthday Laurie! Enjoy your day at the beach with your book. Show Mr. X who's happier.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! :) Your birthday plans sound envy enducing to me. I'd love nothing more than to sit on the beach tomorrow! Soak up some rays for the rest of us! Enjoy your day.

Happy birthday!

Hope you and your book have a great time at the beach!

I swear, I thought I was reading my own story in this post. Exhibit 1: Cursed birthdays - until my last one six months ago - also 36, which has been a good year. It got so bad that just before 35 I suffered from a bad case of birthday anxiety. This last one? I said there was nothing the universe could throw at me to cause me to have a bad day, and it was great. Exhibit 2: Also divorced, and my ex did a Very Bad Thing just after 9/11, culminating in me throwing him out of the house four months later. What took so long? Exhibit 3: Choosing to be happy. Life couldn't be better!

Have yourself a very Happy Birthday! Ya know, you're already 'there'! and 36? so very young and wise now...so many of us have been there, done that with the staying waaay too long in some awful place...it's beyond good to walk away from it, smell the fresh air..get on with the good life...that's what you're doing, and really well I might add.
Again, the best of wishes to you for your birthday!

Oh, Laurie. Where would I be without you?

Just two weeks ago, my boyfriend of four years decided that he wasn't in love with me any more. He broke up with me, asked me to move out of our apartment (where we have lived for four years together), and went on with his life.

He told me that he couldn't be with me anymore because I was too angry, too hurtful, too nasty. He said that the arguments were too bad. And I have spent these weeks pouring over emails, journal entries, and recalling events trying to figure out how I got to be this person. Because my last girlfriend left me after nine years for what she said were the same reasons.

Before you get the wrong idea, my ex- will also tell you that I can be the most loving, most attentive, most kind and supportive woman he has ever met. He doesn't understand the Jekyll and Hyde routine. Neither do I.

There is just some point where I stop trying and just become angry and bitter because it is easier. I expect the worst. I refuse to let go of old wounds. I hurt all the time and lash out at those closest to me. I say insightful, nasty &*^# things because I am intelligent and know everything to say that will cause pain.

And now I've ruined what we had because... Because I don't know.

I have learned that we make the best decisions that we can for ourselves with the knowledge, skills and our emotional status at the time. "Woulda, coulda, shoulda" will always make you sad. Don't beat yourself up.

So enjoy the fact that you are now in a place where you would never tolerate Very Bad Behavior from another.

Happy Birthday.

As a fellow Cancer (my BDay is on the 29th, yikes! 35 this year!) I fully understand the BDay Curse. I too had it trail along after me like a lost puppy dog for years.

This year, I told hubby to get me a present two weeks early. Now I go home and sit on my swing in the yard, and let go of the day by burning bits and pieces of wood in my new outdoor chimney-thingy. Every person who ticks me off (and ticks, too, this is the woods of Maine after all!) get assigned a scrap of wood, and I fully enjoy tossing them into the fire. Haha, take that mean person who cut me off at the coffee drive-thru this morning! Feeling a little warm now, aren't we?

Happy Birthday Fabulous Miss Laurie!

p.s. has anyone told you lately how proud of you they are that you're a fabulous non-smoker?
I'm on day four (again), have lurked since you smoked on your porch at night, and have always been really proud of you for quitting. thought I'd share.

Happy birthday! I've been feeling a little rotten inside lately. It's good to know others do too and that I have a choice.

Brianne, quitting smoking was by far the hardest thing I have EVER done and I will not lie to you: Lord I loved smoking and still love it to this day, but I had to quit. Maybe one day next week I'll reveal my (sad dark) secret on how I managed to stay quit this time LOL.

Jo Ann, I have been there. I have, I have. If I could hug you inappropriately this very moment, I would! Twice!

Happy Birthday!

Wow Laurie.... You are a self helper person aren't you? Dang & shoot!

I am 35 & 11/12 years old...... Our birthdays are only seperated by 1 month almost exactly. I think I'll do as you are and truly enjoy myself on that day. The beach is only 45 minutes away from me and it sure sounds great!

Have a great day..... all of it!

Happy Birthday! Sounds like a perfect way to celebrate--beach and book would be my ideal too.

Your post is very well timed for me also--sometimes I think there are quite a few of us who need a gentle reminder to choose to be cheerful.

Thanks!

Happy, happy day!

Yes Judi I am hopelessy selfhelpy. There are many jokes that have been made on that very subject, trust me ;) My family LOVES to have a hearty laugh of that and also the time I almost failed volleyball!!!

Happy first day of SUMMER!
and
Happy THREE SIX tomorrow!!!

We all stay and go for our own reasons, right or wrong. The hard part is not blaming yourself but accepting that you are doing the best you can today. Sometimes I look at myself as a child, a little girl who needs love and caring just like my own children.

Love yourself and have a great time on the beach, send us a post card. Just don't get it all mixed up like I did.....

The Weather is here, Wish you were beautiful.

Hi Laurie - Happy birthday, I turn 36 on Sunday. I'm celebrating with my husband & kids away for the weekend. I had a " bad thing " happen in my marriage. I know that feeling of trying, trying, & more trying. In the end , I didn't try so hard, he tried REALLY hard and it's worked out. Secretly, in my situation, the " bad thing" made me feel stronger in the end, kinda like I had the upper hand in my own future. I made the decision to work things out. No more bad things happened. I am truly happy and like who I am. My marriage is stronger than ever, I am a better person because of the really dark days. I didn't know I had it in me to be strong and I amazed myself.

Happy Birthday Laurie - you've made me smile, cry, laugh, & ugly cry!

Laurie, you tell me yours and I'll tell you mine.
and JoAnn - that was me 4 months ago, it's all gonna seem like a blur when you look back, but nothing has gotten worse for me since he left, it sucked, but everything is better now.

Good to know about the DVD. My mom passed me that silly Madonna movie (yeah, which one?) where she gets pregnant from her best (gay) friend. I don't think I could give that one away, so the grilling might be fun.

The rest of your thoughts today are equally helpful. Don't feel sorry for the girl you used to be, though. Be proud that she was smart enough to learn and grow out of a painful situation and become a person you're happy to be. We're almost all at least a little naïve in our youth. The real trick in life is growing out of it and becoming someone you would admire if you met yourself.

Laurie, your beach birthday sounds perfect! Have a wonderful day.

When I was going thru the "why did I stay so long? why did I put up with VBTs?" days, a wise friend said it's not the reality of the situation that's keeping you there, it's just hard to let go of your dreams. Yay for letting go, finding new dreams, and turning them into reality.

Oh, and another thought. Think of yourself as a masterpiece-in-progress. The young married girl was a rough sketch. Now you're adding on the color and finally able to start standing back to admire your work.

Wee Haa. Happy Birthday. I promise you, when you turn 40 everyone begins to obey you. Only 4 more years to go.

Hugs

Great entry as always, Miss Thing! (I am trying to lurk less and comment more.) I just turned thirty, and after many years of shitty birthdays, I was really afraid that the "big 3-0" would be an angst-inducing, crying-all-day nightmare.

And in some ways it really was angst-ridden. But I ended up taking the day off work and I was SO HAPPY not to be at work that I almost forgot about the turning-thirty thing. And it really was exciting to feel like the Birthday Curse had lifted.

Also, I hope that six years down the road I've got it as really amazingly together as you do.

Happy birthday. Hope it's a fantastic one.

I like to think of it as

"There are just somethings we're here to learn, and sometimes, we're just a little slow."

Think about it - if you had to learn the lessons that the Ex taught you, how else would you have learned them SO well?

I too had one of those, "Aw, man. What was I THINKING???" relationships that lasted 8 years. But then I thought about it, and said, "Well, apparently, I needed to learn something, and I wasn't going to truly understand it unless I went through this."

Happy Happy. Enjoy your b-day.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Your plan sounds excellent!
Are you going on a signing tour when your book comes out?

Why this realization now? Because you've finally grown up. We never know how long it's going to take us--I suspect some of us do "grow up" in our twenties, but I haven't met very many who did. And I'm pretty convinced that a major life crisis "helps" the process a whole lot. Welcome to the Club of Happy (at Least Some of the Time) Grownups!

And Happy Birthday!

This really hit home today. In my inbox this morning was an email from the me I was last year at this time (you can send emails to your future at FutureMe.org) and I was surprised to discover how concerned I'd been about what the future me would be thinking and doing, how much she'd be investing in unhappiness and depression. And I was pleased to note that in the last year, though I'd been through a lot, I hadn't wholly discarded the lessons of the past, or the ground I'd gained.

Your post? Serendipitous. Thanks.

Happy Birthday!

Was dooce.com nodding your way today?

Happy Birthday, Laurie. You should look at your last year as one of great accomplishment. Now it is time for even better things.

In the Jewish religion, the number eighteen is a very special one. It represent "chai." A lot of Jews wear a "chai" around their neck. Chai means life. The most common Jewish toast is "Le Chaim", which means "to life." The Chai is made up of two Hebrew letters -- Hay and Yod, which also signify the number eighteen. Jewish people often give gifts of money in multiples of eighteen. When I had my bar-mitzvah, I would get checks for $18 (from the cheap relatives!).

If I remember my math, 36 = 2 X 18.

That means that, this year, you are going to be doubly lucky, sort of a Jewish version of the Chinese Double Happiness.

If you don't believe me, ask Aharon, your Israeli hair stylist.

oh my gosh!!! I do have the chills.
HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Laurie!!!

Happy Birthday Laurie! It sounds like a wonderful day that you have planned.

Congratulations on your new birthday additude. I could so relate to everything you were saying. I am okay with the b-day but had the same problem with Easter, every year something bad would happen or someone would do a bad thing and it would hurt, I knew Easter was cursed for me, and I wanted to pretend it wasn't there. This year I decided to changed my additude, I decorated, dyed eggs, went to church, etc. and suprisingly it was a nice day and nothing bad happend. Here's to broken curses! Have a wonderful relaxing well deserved day! Happy 36th!

Happy Birthday! I'm glad you broke the curse :-)

Enjoy your birthday. Eat your favorite meal, take a long shower, sleep in (as late as the cats let you) and read the trashiest book you can find. Rejoyce that Mr. X isn't ruining yet another birthday and is probably off right now doing Very Bad things to someone else.

A friend of mine said that he felt he was living his life backwards. He was the responsible mature adult during the first half of his life and is now not worrying about the little things and is just having fun.

Happy, happy birthday and solstice. A two-fer.

What book are you taking?

You should know that your posts and writing have helped me to finally stop staying with someone who did Very Bad Things. Took me too long too, but I just recently had a wonderful birthday (in june too!) day alone..leisurly coffee at my favorite place and a massage and then reading at barnes and noble. I decided to be happy.

and what book will you be reading?
(have you read "Eat, Pray, Love" yet? loved it)

Yeah. I did stay with someone who did Bad Things as well. Only for two months though, because then HE broke up with ME. What the hell. Couldn't even give me the joy to leave him, apparently. But your blogs about the big D word really helps, so thanks. And happy 36th!

YOU ROCK!!!!

Have an awesome birthday - and if you can find someone to bring you a fruity drink with an umbrella in it - they go great with a book and the beach:)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY :)

Well Happy Birthday Miss Laurie!
And silly woman, you should never grill cd's/dvd's . . . put 'em in the microwave for a few seconds. It renders them practically useless and also crackly art! Just sayin'

Have a wonderful birthday!!

Happy early birthday - I hope your glass stays full, your book is good, the sun is kind, and the sand doesn't burn your toes.

Happy Birthday! I had a big ol' steak on my birthday, last Friday. I was in Starkville at MSU for a conference with my co-worker named Laurie. She bought me sock yarn in Columbus at a very nice LYS.

I've been THAT girl too...to a T...I had the guy that did the bad thing, the inevitable divorce 5 years past due...so I know of what you speak, or write to eloquently about..(I'm a belle too.)Gawd, I love coming here....you're the best..Have an AWESOME Birthday!

Happy Birthday! And I'm still asking myself all those questions at the end of your post about why I stayed with my ex-fiance so long. And why was he the one who broke it off. I hope I get to where you are soon. :)

Happy Birthday, Little One.

Sometimes, the best birthday celebration is the private one you have---the secret pleasure you can have all day knowing that it's YOUR DAY. Enjoy it!

Oh, but be careful on the beach. According to the Boston Globe, SAND CAN KILL.
http://www.boston.com/news/local/articles/2007/06/21/like_surf_sand_can_kill_says_doctor/

Laurie, My birthday is in one week (turning 47) and I usually take the day off but I am going to work and then have a nice evening at home (or out)...either way, I choose to have a great day and I am glad you are too.

Happy Birthday, Laurie!

You know, ever since I was a little girl, I looked forward to turning 36. I believed that was the age when fabulous things started happening. The rest of my friends thought 36 was really old, but I saw it as a magical age.

All of this anticipation, though, turned against me as I approached 36th birthday. I had created such a vision of how I would be at the magic time, and I wasn't there yet! I was not the beautiful, slender woman I had imagined. My business was not thriving. I had not published 10 books. OMIGOD! I panicked for months about how I could fix my life before that stupid birthday deadline, but I failed. What a let down.

And yet...my little girl vision of turning 36 ended up being exactly right. Fabulous things DID start happening. I began transforming my life. I started seeing synchronistic events that conspired toward my personal joy. I began to assert myself and make the choices that brought me closer to my true self. Five years later, I'm thrilled to be 41.

Now, if only little girl me had made up "25" as that magic age...LOL!

Thank you for a beautiful piece, and have a lovely, lovely time tomorrow.

I am so happy for you. :-)

rock on! happy birthday young girl!

Laurie, Happy Birthday Woman!

Congratulations on finding yourself a new "comfort zone". You rock!

Happy birthday, Laurie. This is an incredible post. I am certain that a lot of people do choose to be unhappy without even realizing that they make that choice. I think your entry will mean a lot to a lot of people.

A very, very happy birthday to you. I gotta tell you, I loved being 36. 36 was a *very* good year. Hell, I've loved pretty much all my 30s because they just keep getting better with each passing year.

Oh, the "why did I stay so long?" question. The one that had me in therapy for months. We stay for a reason. Not a reason we'd accept *now*, mind you, with our newer, stronger, more kickass selves, but a reason nonetheless.

Girl, you are going to have So Much Fun. And you've earned every speck.

Happy Birthday!

I am so glad you have chosen to be happy!
Thank you for your words and wit - they help cheer up my day.

okay so you got lots of love, but that isn't gonna deter me from doing the same.

Happy Early Birthday Laurie! The curse is over. Now you're funnier, happier and fuller of okra!

Love ya lots!

Happy happy birthday!

You're right about Paris: it is an absolutely amazing city. I hope you go back there again--many, many times!

Happy Birthday Laurie...

May the rest of your dreams come true....You are a beautiful person!!!

If I were next to you I'd inappropriately hug you too!!!! ((( )))

Happy Birthday, Laurie! Hope you have a great day at the beach.

Happy Birthday, Laurie!

Every year I give myself the gift of taking the day off from work on my birthday or in some other way doing whatever the heck I want to---even if it's absolutely nothing. So here's to your own special birthday celebration!

And by the way, I love your video of Roy. You will treasure that little clip one day.

Dang. Now I'm going to wonder what the Very Bad Thing was and what the Deep Dark Secret to quitting smoking was!!! You Southern gals and your mysteries!

But YAY for you on the smoking - you have such a pretty face and voice - continuing to smoke would have ruined both!

I nearly flunked raquetball in college. Which would have been a shame because you had to pass two units of physical education in order to graduate.

Have a wonderful 36th birthday! Mine hit about a month after my divorce, but I baked myself a fabulous cake, had pizza for dinner (my favorite food!) and had a lovely day ANYWAY. When you decide to be happy no matter what, you will amaze yourself - finding happiness you never imagined could exist.

Happy birthday petal.

Talking about moving on with my Dad the other night he said to me "leave the imperfections unfinished." We can't go back. We can't change what has been. We have to believe it all happened for a reason, albeit a really crappy one, but without the crappy stuff you can't truly appreciate the good stuff.

The beach and a book - nothing more perfect. XX

Happy Birthday! I'm so envious I wish I lived near a beach ;-)

We stay because that's what we're taught. A few years back I told a friend "Because we don't play single mom of two children, running a business and living a great life. We play 'Mother, Father, Child'. And for some reason kicking out the father for being a jerk makes us feel like we've failed when really we succeeded."

Here's to me, the single mom of one, soon to turn into two, now I just have to start my business ;-)

I hope you have a wonderful birthday tomorrow, sweetie!! Enjoy the day off!! YOu have come so far since I first "met" you and I am so proud of you. It's important to spoil yourself once in a while; I almost never do it and get into quite a snit here with family sometimes. I adore you and have some wine for me!

And don't forget the SPF 100! You know you need it! ;o)

Happy birthday you marvelous creature you!

Happy Birthday! The beach, a book and you- sounds like the perfect way to celebrate.

"And I sighed and let go of that one, too, for the first time maybe ever I felt a little compassion for someone who got married hoping it would all somehow work itself out and seeing that it did, really. In the end it all worked out just fine."

Love that!

i've gotta say--been stuck in that curse myself and it's the best, lightest, springiest feeling to start moving ahead. In your brain...not just your actions.

Now I'm going to forward your blog to a friend that definitely needs to hear what you just said.

:)

From another "turning 36 this year" reader, Happy Birthday Laurie - you've given yourself the best present ever - yourself, and your happiness. I'm sure you'll have a fabulous day tomorrow (today, where I am!) and I hope that many wonderful things come your way.

Happy Birthday!!!! It is a wonderful feeling when you realize happiness (or the lack there of) is a choice that you make. Enjoy your day off!

Oh, happy, happy birthday you wonderful and lovely lady!

I almost cried at your "why did I stay long" comment.. take heart, my dear, some of us are far weaker.. I stayed much longer.. why? I don't know, I will never know I suppose, but Happy Birthday, and rejoice! 36 is wonderful,I remember it well:-)

Happy Birthday and pass the sunscreen! Have a fantastic day tomorrow, doing absolutely nothing important except taking care of your sweet self! Have the Best. Birthday. Ever. Or just a really great one! Any birthday where you're on THIS side of the turf is a great one! :-)

Most people naturally focus on the things that make them miserable or cause anxiety (hence the number of pills out there to "treat" depression/anxiety). They decide to be unhappy. It's easier to be unhappy. If you watch the news, read the newspaper, or listen to your friends whine about their kids/job/significant other/life, an underlying belief that LIFE SUCKS is being projected upon you. We are taught to think negatively! What we focus on, we get more OF.

So we must all decide to be happy, and to put the focus on what we WANT (the positive opposite). It's not enough to say "I don't want to be miserable anymore". That still focuses on misery. When we learn to say instead, "I want to be happy", we focus on "happy" and that's what we get more of.

Sounds to me like you've learned this, Laurie. My birthday is the 29th, too, and I'm already planning how wonderful it will be. This year it will be the Best Birthday Ever. I wish the same for you. Happy Birthday.

I'm June 25! Here's another thing to keep you on the sunny side this birthday! We have the perfect birthdays - six months EXACTLY from Christmas, unlike those poor children and adults who have birthdays the week of, or the month after, that nobody remembers and they have to wait a WHOLE YEAR for presents.

We only have to wait six months!

:)

You don't know how much I can relate to this. I broke up with my boyfriend in March because the way he was treating me was just making me feel worse all the time, and at first I felt so good being rid of him, but now I just keep feeling like such an idiot for staying with him for so long. I never should have put up with everything I put up with. But I look back over everything that happened in the last couple of years, and I learned a lot. I know what I need to do and not do in the future.

Some days I'm happy. Some days I'm not. It seems like I'm fine and then something triggers a thought...well, I just need to make up my mind to be happy.

Have a very NON soul-sucking craptastic birthday!!!
enjoy your book. will miss you!

Happy Birthday to you, it's my birthday too, but not my thirty sixth. I'm way past that one. I do remember my thirty sixth... one of the better years I must say.

Happy birthday, fellow Cancer! (I'll be 45 in July). Great post, once again.

A friend of mine and I were once sitting on a bench on a beautiful day, moaning about how each of us kept on making the same damn mistakes over and over and why did it take us so long to learn anything? And then she laughed and uttered the magic words, "You know, girlfriend, we are exactly as fucked up as we're supposed to be." Or maybe I did. It was a long time ago, and you get the idea.

happy birthday!

and how mature you have become in accepting yourself as you are! when you can say "screw the world, I like me! if you don't like me, it's your loss, not mine!"

live it up, drink, read, dance for yourself and no one else!

Happy Birthday! I will raise my wineglass to toast you tomorrow. Hope its a great one and you break the cycle.

May tomorrow be the beginning of a Very Good Year in which Many Very Good Things happen!

Oh Good Lord -- I can't believe I am more than twice your age (just turned 54) but here is my sage bit of advice. Every year as you age you celebrate your bday longer - I did a birthday week this year and I figure by the time I am in my 90's the celebration will never end. And the best thing is that bday celebrations can be as simple as having fried okra and fresh tomato for dinner to going to Paris (my budget goes towards the okra right now - which I have never had btw) It can be having friends over for dinner or a drink or getting a new book you want and sitting down and reading it all in one sitting -- or planning something special for you next bday.

So no matter WHAT you do have a super duper bday tomorrow!!!

Happy Birthday Laurie! Have a luxurious day!

Gee...what a wonderful column..I simply love reading your 'stuff', thank you so much for doing the work it takes to get it out and share it. I been there a few times and eventually got creeped-out at the thought of 'coming to' in about 20 years and realizing I hadn't changed. Yikes! Now I aim at resisting change less, choosing good people and challenges more.

I sure look forward to seeing your book arrive in the mail (one for me and one for my sister)

A very happy birthday to you! My 34th is on Monday, and it's amazing how those 3- numbers lead to serious pre-birthday introspection, isn't it?

Laurie, I just wanted you to know that today's blog made me think and realize some things. Thanks, I think you may have just made my life a little bit better.

Happy Birthday Laurie! You've come so far. You're truly an inspiration. Have a fantastic day at the beach.

A very happy birthday to you! May this next year be even better for you both emotionally and in general than this year has. You've done good, girl. Keep it up.

Oh, and my favorite divorce joke? Why is divorce so expensive? 'Cause it's worth every damn penny. :)

Happy birthday to my fellow Cancer. I wish you a wonderful day with no curses.

Happy Birthday Laurie!!!!!

Thanks for sharing your stories (and pictures of your cats).

Echoing the declaration that 2007 is to be a great birthday year. Fellow Southern Cancer girl, I turn 38 on the 1st And for whatever reason haven't quite had the same sense of dread that I tend to build. I too have chosen to be happy. :)

Hope you have a great day at the beach! I get my beach trip soon and can't wait.

Happy birthday, yarn-fondlin' cat-lovin' wine drinkin' Laurie!

Happy birthday!!! Good for you for planning to take the day off work and just indulging the hell out of yourself! (I'm sure there will be lots of cat indulging, too ;-)

Happy Birthday, Laurie!
You have come a long way from those Very Bad Things and become such a Very Good Thing for all of us--thank you and may the happiest of all years yet be coming your way!

(Jo Ann- Been there myself. Still in occasional therapy to help change the patterns. I also use AA's HALT (before you make a nasty remark- make sure you're not Hungry Angry Lonely or Tired) and it helps. But after a little work, I'm married to the nicest guy ever, and he helps me work on it. Hugs and hope to you!)

Happy Birthday!

It's the slow drip torture my dear......you can't notice these things because they happen so very gradually...then one day you wake up (hopefully!!) and say "when the Hell did I become mentally ILL???!!!no wait!!! IT'S THEM!!!!!!....ALSO perspective!! Hard to see it when you're SOAKING IN IT!! Several steps back and Ah....so very crystal clear!!!Just a few tids of advice from a fellow Cancer birf day gurl...(OK!!!! old 43 yr old broad old!!!!......Rock ON you crazy aunt purl you !!!!!!!!

Happy birthday, Laurie!

I wasted 13 years of my life on my ex, who also did a couple of Very Bad Things, and I'm still working on not feeling like a complete moron for staying so long with the arsehole. But it's coming.

I'm 6 months into 36, and I can tell you it's great!

We stay because we're afraid--afraid of being alone, afraid of failure, afraid of the dark, afraid of taking a trip by ourselves, afraid of rasing children by ourselves, afraid of making decisions on our own, afraid we're just not good enough, on and on it goes--we're just scared silly. But, how liberating to realize you are good enough, you can do it, you're strong and capable, you do not have to be "lonely" even if you are alone. It took me a lot more years and three marriages to get all that wisdom, so CAP don't beat yourself up too bad.

Enjoy your very own special day--Happy 36th!

Happy, Hapy Birthday Laurie!!!!!!!. One nice thing that can happen with birthdays and the passing of the years, is that we can look back and see the changes that have occured. I am sure that when you were going through your darkest days, you would never, ever have believed that you would be where you are now, and a published author to boot!!!!!! Onward and upward, always, even if it takes some of use a tad bit longer to get it. But at least we do! Revel in the changes and new knowledge. And also know that you will not be stuck like that again. We do the best we can with the tools we have at our disposal. So now that you have better tools and knowledge you can build a better lilfe. Have a most fabulous day off and revel in where your life is now, and all the great things that are happening!

Forgiving oneself after divorce, that's the very hardest part. And to arrive there, isn't that the sweetest feeling of freedom! Happy Birthday to You ~~~~~~~~~ (those are freedom waves :-)

You're awesome! Have a great birthday.

Happy Birthday, Laurie! My birthday is Saturday, and I, too, have had nothing but horrible birthday experiences as an adult. I don't know if I keep expecting a roomful of people to jump out from behind all the unpacked boxes in my house (as if I had enough friends to fill a breadbox, let alone a house), or if I expect to wake up and see a new 'Vette in the driveway. Your post really made me sit up and take note of my own unhappiness. My DH did a Very Bad Thing, but he really can't be blamed because he's bipolar. He LOST OUR HOUSE by not paying the mortgage for eight months, so now we're in a different town in a house a third the size of my old one. So instead of unpacking and making this a home (albeit temporary, one hopes), I've been unhappy and secretly blaming him for it. I think this year, I shall play my flute, knit, watch TV, go out to dinner at an extremely fattening French restaurant in Berkeley, and just stop expecting the world to stop and take notice of the day. I've preordered your book and expect it will be both hilarious and heart-wrenching. I love your posts, and I wanted you to know that you have helped an almost 49-year-old have a happy day for a change.

Pam (not covered in cat hair - although the one cat we do have sheds like a mother)

Happy day Laurie,
and just so you know, a dirty big shredder + dvd = satisfaction (noise, mess and his angst!)

Wow. Happy Birthday! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go do some thinking, because you just gave me a (much needed) mental whack upside the head. Thank you. :-)

Happy Birthday Laurie!

Next time take the DVD and put it in the microwave...very effective. And fun!

Happy birthday, Laurie! Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. :)

Happy birthday! You'll only get better with age (so I keep telling myself).

Happiest of Birthdays! (Don't forget your sunscreen--no sunburns allowed on your birthday.)

Happy birthday! Whatever you decide to do, have fun!

Happy Birthday! Not only is it your birthday, but it is also the first day of summer, the year at its peak. It's a nice little bonus.

happy birthday girl!!! enjoy your day!!

Happy Birthday! Have a wonderful day at the beach! (And just think -- next summer, women will be reading your book on the beach!)

You. YOU are the best present - missy, just take back from each of us one Teensy Bit of the laughter and joy and wisdom you've shared with all of us and you'll feel so GREAT! Everyone will walk around going "Look at that beeeYOUtimous girl on the beach with a big book and all the sunshine and happy on her!" It may be *a* 36th birthday, but it's like the First Birthday of the New and Improved Laurie who is mistress of all she surveys, y'all!

Hey, this of it this way, we're woman we can rationalize anything.

I hope you have a FABULOUS birthday. You deserve the best... I'm just so happy YOU realize that too.

Sadly I don't think I'll be anywhere near the beach on my birthday : ( so get extra sand between your toes for me, m'kay?

Laurie! Big hug for you! I totally understand about looking back at "married girl" and not recognizing yourself. Not long after I started to get back on my feet from the "soul-sucking craptastic event" that was my divorce, my dad told me he was glad to have his baby girl back. I'm proud of us!

Hugs!!!!

Happy birthday! I will be spending tomorrow getting ready for my birthday.

Happy Birthday.
And I understand the enlightened moment. I never watch Oprah and one day I did. It was Dr. Phil before he had his own show and they were discussing unhealthy relationships. His question to all involved was 'What's YOUR emotional payoff?' It's that same thing, why do you choose to be unhappy? because it's safer..it's easier..so you choose to be in a crappy relationship/friendship because it's easier. Easier to fail than succeed.
I get it now. :)

Have a wonderful bday. I, too, am a '71 bday. I was 36 in Feb. Can't say a ton good about it, but can't say a ton bad..wait I did get a membership to the Rockin Sock Club! :)

You are an amazing person and you have touched so many people all over the world just by being you and sharing your stories with us. I hope you have a fabulous day.

Happy Boifday Youngsta! Get the Cat Chorus to sing to you in the morning. And maybe bring you a cup of coffee in bed :)

Delurking to say Happy Birthday! I enjoy reading your blog - your posts make me learn a lot about myself, so thanks :) I'm a June baby too (well, not a baby, much much older) - just celebrated mine yesterday. Enjoy your weekend.

happy birthday! you're great.

Lucy stole my birdie song!

Anyways. Isn't it funny how much easier it is to choose to be unhappy and then presto change-o you are unhappy than it is to choose to be happy and then presto change-o be happy.

Weird, huh?

Glad you've chosen happy now and that you've gotten there.

Happy Birthday Laurie! Begin a new, happy again, chapter now! :)

I'm wishing you the best birthday ever!

Laurie, you may be older, but you are wiser and wiser every day and I appreciate the unique way you share that wisdom with us. Take a moment tomorrow and try to appreciate how many of us read your blog and how much your honesty and bravery and intelligence mean to us. I mean it: you are a lovely human being. Have a joyous birthday.

36, your're a mere child!
You go have a happy birthday, and sit on that lovely beach and read that wonderful book. And have a drink! To You. On your birthday. May there be many, many more!

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday.... I hope it is a perfectly ordinary extraordinary day.

Have a fabulous birthday!

But wait till you turn 40. It's the best, I am here to tell you. The best.

I have the following quote on the bottom of e-mails that I send just as a reminder to myself:

Everyone wants to change, but change demands desire and discipline before it becomes delightful. There is always the agony of choice before the promise of change. -- Larry Lea

Sounds to me like you've just made some good choices, my dear. You gotta make right decisions while they still feel wrong if you ever wanna change for the better.

I used to chew myself up too about staying after MANY VBT's, but you know what? I did the best I could and one day I just decided that because I was used, deceived, manipulated and lied to did not make me stupid. It made him a user, a liar, deceptive, and manipulative. Mind shift. If somebody goes out of there way to make damn sure you aren't going to know something -- well, guess what. You don't know.

When you do know -- you take the next step.

Go to the beach, read somebody elses funny writing (may I suggest Laurie Notaro) -- and remember the most important scientific birthday fact: CALORIES DO NOT COUNT ON YOUR BIRTHDAY.

Happy birthday, Laurie ! I hope you have a blast. Drink a Margarita (or whatever you choose) for me as well !! Last year was my first really happy birthday in years & years. My ex and I NEVER did anything on my birthday. Not even a friggin' card. We did celebrate one (count 'em ONE) anniversary. The 5th one. Of course, it was all about HIM. He MADE SURE he made the limo stop at his friend's house before we went to the restaurant. Also, the dork wanted to talk to the limo driver instead of hang with me in the back ! (Even the limo driver was taken aback.) On our first anniversary, I had prepared a special candlelight dinner. All he said was, "I can't see what I'm eating. Turn the lights on." (bastard...)

I still have one of my ex's favorite shirts. Been saving it in order to go to the lake, build a campfire, and burn the damned thing. Might even make smores and drink loads of wine... or strawberry margaritas... or "leaded" (as opposed to "unleaded") strawberry limeades. He never wanted to go and cook out. Well, the fire will be his special treat from him to me.

By-the-by: Does flannel burn well ?...

Tee hee ! I'll betcha he's STILL looking for the damned shirt. Maybe I'll send him a picture of me dousing it with charcoal starter. Might even scoop up and mail him some ashes. Too much ? Maybe it's the Sauza Gold talking tonight. Could be...

Cheers, y'all !

happy birthday!

"Me + one book" ---plus a sexy, shirtless hunk of a man--- "+ the beach equals birthday"

Happy happy to you, CAP. And thanks for giving us the gift of your story. I needed to hear that today, as my ex did a Very Bad Thing, and I've been playing Woe Is Me on an endless loop. Thank you for reminding me that I have a choice in how I handle it.
Lots of love to you!

I have been divorced for going on 10 years. We were divorced because of a Very Bad Thing which he eventually married. Because I have children with this man, I am forced to deal with him periodically. When he came up to visit the kids a few months ago, I gave him a place to sleep and the use of my car, and he thanked me by pay per viewing a porno in my basement and charging it to my cable bill. He is still every bit the selfish idiot he ever was, but now I no longer care, in fact I feel sorry for his wife, the other woman. I am grateful to be where I am, without him. Life indeed is good. I am glad your life is good too Laurie, enjoy your Happy Happy Birthday at the beach.

Happy birthday, darl! Have a great day at the beach! I know you will have it. ;-) *hugs*

36... it's a perfect square. and it's curvy and pretty.

that was a wonderful read. thank you.

Happy Birthday! And maybe next year a fabulous birthday trip to Paris with your posse for your birthday? But basking at the beach with a book- it sounds like a perfect day!

Happy Birthday and have a great one.
I had a lousy 30th birthday at work so since then I take my birthday off and get a massage or try something new (driving range?) or just do what I want and then I invite everyone I know over for a barbeque. If you get enough people you don't have to clean beforehand because the people cover up all the dirt and messes. I also make my own cake so I can be sure it's the right kind.

But about the DVD, try the microwave! (carefully though!)

Happy Solstice from Alaska, and the midnight sun.

Everyday is a good day for the beach! The beach, a book, no worries...sounds like the perfect birthday! Enjoy it and try to be thankful that Mr. X is now ruining someone else's life... trust me, he will! Karla's comment above was priceless! Ms. X left me with about $20K in credit card bills that she hid from me during our 7 years together. The day she left was the happiest day of my life! And every birthday since just gets better and better! It is amazing, as I reflect this morning, how someone can stamp such an impression on our hearts...yet be so undeserving of that precious space. It really is up to us to evict all the bad memories that clutter our way to happiness. The beach sounds like the perfect place to declutter! Enjoy your day!!

i always read, but i seldom comment. you're amazing and wonderful and brilliant. and happy birthday!

and i heart you. but not in a creepy stalker way, if that helps.

Happy birthday, Laurie!

I left my last hubby after he did a 2nd VBT. A couple years later, I got in touch with a friend and she said to me, "That is so sad! You loved him so much!"

And I said, "Yes, but I knew that I would get over it and my heart would heal."

Because they do, you know.

A lighter held under a DVD's sensitive underbelly works wonders.

Er...or so I've heard....

All I can say is HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You've come such a long way and you're so great it's unbelievable how awesome you are!

Happy Birthday! I hope you have a lovely day and some cake (or any other birthday treat you fancy!) x

Great post! Have a lovely birthday :-)

I turned 36 this week, too! Yea for us Year of the Pig/Boar girls!

Hope you have a great time on your special day.

Happy Happy Birthday Laurie!

Happy Birthday!! I just had my 37th 13 days ago :)
Pack yourself a little basket of wine and cheese and enjoy your book on the beach in style!

Happy Birthday! I hope you enjoy your day.

Happy Birthday Laurie!

With age and experience come wisdom, sweetie, and you are very smart to have figured all this out so young!

Take it from someone who didn't even marry Mr. X till she was 38, and didn't divorce him for 10 years, you are WAY ahead of my learning curve!

Happy birthday, and many, many more!!

#182 whoohoo! Happy Birthday, CAP! Good for you. I vividly remember a birthday where my (now Ex) husband bought me a pocket spell checker. !!!! I was an English major and a writer for God's sake, and won my high school spelling bee!!! Expectations can be Anal things, but it looks like you've moved on with finesse. Happy Day Off!

Happy Birthday, Laurie! It is not a screwed up thing to view happiness as a choice. It is good that you see this. You have given yourself a wonderful present. Enjoy your special day. We will be partying here because today is my husband's birthday.

Happy Birthday dear Laurie, I Hope you enjoy your day on the beach!!!

Happy Birthday Laurie!
Take time to smell the roses (or squash ... whatever works for you) and enjoy.

Happy birthday dear Laurie! I hope that you have a wonderful, carefree birthday!

PS. I sent my ex-husband a thank you letter about 2 years after he left. Leaving me was the best thing he'd ever done for me. Rock on sista!

Happy Birthday, my dear.

It's like everyone's birthday today, my mom's as well.

I'll have a glass of wine (or three) tonight just for you.

Laurie, it's my birthday tomorrow too. And I'm glad to share it with you. Another year older, another year wiser, eh? *hug* Happy Birthday.

Happy Birthday!!! Enjoy your birthday beach trip :)

Wow. 24 hours later, and it's Laurie's birthday. Happy Birthday!

Thanks so much to Laurie, Brianne, and Susan for your kind comments and suggestions. All of you crazy internet stalker types have been so helpful to me during this tough time.

But I have decided that I am a catch. I'm hot stuff. I'm funny, kind, smart, cute - and more wonderful things. And if you don't want to stay at this party, well, then there is the door. This party was never about big numbers anyway. It was about the right people. And if I have to start my life over, stay at home with my cats and my knitting, well so be it. I will be okay.

After all, I know this really cool, divorced chick who knits and has cats. And if she could face what she has faced, well, then I can face this too.

I completely and wholly inappropriately love you guys.

Funny that this is "re-memory" is on your blog today. My divorce (after 30+ years) was final yesterday. I'm re-reading alot of your old blogs to help me through this. I've never been so soul shakingly deeply saddened. Utterly and totally. I've developed some coping skills during recent times, but seem to be unable to cope today with much of this. Ugh.

happy birthday!!!!

You're my hero. Have a great day!

Toasting you in TX

Happy Birthday, Laurie!

One thing...the phrase is "couldn't care less" not "could care less". The latter is like fingernails on a chalkboard to some of us. If you could care less, then you must really care.

Have a fun beach day :)

I'm not even going to read the other comments before posting my own.

And here's what I think: you are finally growing into the woman you are destined to be. Understanding who you are is a prerequisite for turning 40 and it sounds like you're on your way.

I "decided" to be happier one day and, lo and behold, I "am" happier, and many, many good things have come into my life as a result. You get back what you put out there. Karma rocks!

So enjoy "your day" today, this weekend -- hell, take the rest of the month to celebrate your birthday. We all know you deserve it. It's nice to see that you are finally coming to that realization as well ... :)

Happy Birthday, Laurie. You really have come so far in the last year and you're in a much better place now.

We change and grow, and much of it is due to the less than happy occurrences in our life. I realized a long time ago that many events in my life that seemed like tragedies at the time were for the best in the long run. They forced me to change internally, forced my to change my thinking, or my chosen direction. When I look back, I realize I wouldn't be in a better place if it weren't for the unhappy parts.

Congratulations on another successful orbit around the sun! May your 37th run be even better than the last! Bon Voyage! :)

Happy Birthday from another June 22nd - 36 year-old! I'm not all that happy about it myself. It just seems that much closer to the next decade.... sigh. Funny, this is the first birthday I haven't told ANYONE about at all. Those who know, know. Those who don't can remain ignorant.
I'm working today, so have a great day and enjoy some beach time for me too!
Smooches to you Birthday Sistah!
Jen in Chicago

Happy Birthday!!!

Enjoy your book and day at the beach.

I hope you're having a lovely birthday! It just happens to be mine, too, but your beach sounds a lot nicer than my office.

I'm glad you've finally thrown off your birthday curse!

Well, Happy Birthday! May have a blissfully peaceful day.

Happy Birthday Laurie! I hope you are having a fantastic day at the beach.

Laurie, good for you. I wonder the same things sometimes. I look and wonder why I put up with the things I did, why I stayed so long, why I tried to get love from someone who just wasn't giving it. I spent my 36th birthday in Paris with my ex, but he spent most of the day working and I spent most of it by myself. It wasn't the happiest of days, even though I explored all kinds of cool places. He didn't care about any of them. He lives in Paris now, with his almost-wife. They'll be married in a few weeks, within days of our anniversary. More power to them - at least it's not me anymore.

Happy Birthday from another June 22nd b-day!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Can't think of a better way to spend a summer birthday.

May you get a perfect hint of a tan, and no burn. May the book be good and trashy, involving a lascivious but handsome pirate. May your drink be delicious. May no calorie count.

And while you're lounging at the shore, may Captain Sig pull up in the Northwestern, and hand you an ice chest full of crabs.

Birthday-present drink recipe from my bartending days: THE BIG PINK DRINK: place one banana, broken into pieces, and a generous handful of fresh or frozen strawberries or raspberries into the blender, add enough milk to cover fruit, add two shots of rum. Blend on high setting, adding ice one piece at a time until you have a slurpable consistency. A dash of grenadine adds extra pinkness but is not required if it's not handy (pomegranate juice works too). Place in Thermos for the beach. Cheers!

P.S. I have SO been there with the Jack Daniels in the coffee mug, after the Very Bad Man Thing. And the DVD? Nuke it for a few seconds. Which is what someone I know did when she found her husband's porn collection. Nuked each DVD, placed it back in the box, and put them all back in his hiding place. La de da.

I am way late (seeing as yer prolly roasting on the beach as I type this), but Happy Birthday Laurie! I hope you have the best birthday ever.

(If I were there, you'd have a cake today, but alas, I'm in The Tundra.)

Wishing you the very best of Birthdays!!

as someone who is about to ask for a divorce after years of choosing to be unhappy, i am PROUD TO SAY i loved this post. it gives me so much confidence. thank you so much. i really needed this today. and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Happy birthday!

Isn't it great you were born? Look at all the people whose lives are being made better because of it.

Have a spectacularly spectacular day.

Happy birthday from another Stayed
Too Longer. His VBTs made me get checked for STDs. His second divorce is now final. Hee hee. I have just decided to spend my bday next month putting up my bare feet and reading the last Harry Potter.

My Very Bad Thing happened before my marriage. It took me over a decade to let go of it, with my husband's help. I think I had to let myself be mad as hell for a while until the scar tissue formed. These days, I'm ready to choose to let it go. Surviving is the best revenge sometimes, and knowing that my VBT is in the ground is amazingly comforting.

Maybe it's like your okra and pepper plants. You wouldn't pick them when they're just blooms. You wouldn't blame the plants for not growing fast enough; you wait for them to be ready. So now you're ripe. ;-)

Happy birthday from another Cancer -- 38 on June 28th!

happy birthday!!!!

I so identify with this post -- after 13 years of marriage, I finally left my husband (who, by the way was my childhood sweetheart and captain of the high school football team - go team !!!). Of course, during those 13 years, I divorced and married him twice (my Daddy asked me if I was a 'slow learner'??!!)and, during all those years I never actually realized how truly unhappy I was. I look back now (26 years later) and wonder who that person was and why I didn't pull myself out of that mess sooner. But, the good thing is that I did pull out. Life is a journey and sometimes we take the path filled with brambles - but it's not the path that defines us as much as the destination.
I'm so proud of you - you may still have some scratches from those brambles -- but, girl you've found a smoother path and if there are a few brambles/stickers along the way, you know how to handle them !!!
P.S. By the way - from my experience -- it's so much more satisfying to place your man's favorite LP albums (Charlie Rich or Hank Williams, Jr.) on top of your gas range and turn on the gas - those records melt so nicely into a shiny black mess on the burners !!!! And, my coffee mug was filled with Chivas and soda. Just so you know !!

Happy birthday, honey!

Three things:

1)Yay for choosing happy! *HUGS*
2)Buttmunch is the official name among my friends for my Very Bad Thing ex who is dragging his feet in the legal process of becoming my ex - so that gave me a grin.
3)Grilling DVD sounds like a fun good idea. Thanks for the tips! ;-)

It's awesome that you can look back and have a good laugh, even through all the learning. Good for you for coming back from the dark side and seeing the good that came out of all of that. So proud of you! Happiest of birthdays, Lovely. Hope you enjoy your book AND the beach. ;)

Happy Birthday Laurie!

Longtime lurker and recent divorcee here (recent as in he moved out 2 days ago!)

I just wanted to let you know how much I love your blog and ask if you had any good books to recommend to me as a (very) recent divorcee.

Thanks for blogging.

You. Are. The. GREATEST!! Reading your blog makes me so happy inside. Happy, Happy, HAPPY Birthday!!

Hey Stephanie,

After my husband dumped me for a 22 year old, I spent the first month devouring Jackie Collins novels. Not the newer ones, they're all ghosted formula crap. Everything up to and including Hollywood Wives and Hollywood Husbands is excellent escapist material. I recommend starting with The World is Full of Married Men, and The World is Full of Divorced Women.

Laurie, I love you!

Happy birthday, Laurie! You had the right idea to take the day off Friday. I have two rules in life:
#1--Never work on your birthday.
#2--When you go out to dinner, always get dessert.

I haven't worked on my birthday in about 20 years, and Monday, my birthday (hi, Jen!), I'm going to a spa to get a facial and sea salt body scrub. Sure beats being at work.

I spent my birthday in Paris, too, with the boyfriend who became my ex-husband. Guess where we had dinner? McDonald's!!! He was in the mood for a burger, so that was where we went. I should have had the sense to say no when he proposed the next day, but I married him 2 years later and left him 6 years after that. Oddly enough, I was 36 when I did. Maybe there's something about turning 36 that makes us a little wiser. Anyway, I hope you had a great birthday!

Happy Birthday! And thanks for your blog, your gift to us.

This past year (I'm 36 as well) has been challenging for me in some ways and reading your blog has helped me be more introspective, to be more deliberate in my decision-making.

Plus, you have a great writing style, funny, truthful, sometimes serious, sometimes not, that makes you blog a pleasure to read.

Can't wait for the book.

happy birthday!
(but you know, i think most people like "prove points" this way, by sulking. i don't know why we do. but it's tres hard not to. and i should know.)

Not that you really were looking for answers to any of your questions, but I'm an oldest child and I do this annoying thing.

Lots of people choose unhappiness. It is a much less scary thing. Really. And as for why you stayed so long, well, some things take a while to filter all the way into your unconscious mind, even if you *know* consciously that something is a Badness. It's okay. It takes time. You got through it, and you've done it splendidly, too. Growth and enlightenment, while very nice, are unfortunately not very speedy.

Happy birthday!
(and I turn 43 tomorrow; you are a mere stripling, a spring chicken, not at all old or any of that stuff.) (really)

Hi Laurie,

As someone above mentioned, you seem to be reading our minds...

I also had a bad experience with a very controlling (now-ex) husband. It was very painful to leave, as I was always taught to finish what I started (read stayed too long). Looking back now, I see how much I've learned about life since then. It was a painful way to learn it, but I'm not sure I could have really learned it any other way. Regardless, I still feel cheated out of all that time I spent being unhappy.

BTW, I currently live in Murfreesboro (nearly 8 years now). It has changed so much since then, it is nearly unrecognizable.

I'm late with the greeting, but Happy Belated Birthday from another woman who stayed far too long (22 years) in a marriage after a series of Very Bad Things.

My three-year divorce anniversary is coming up. I can say now that for the most part, life is good.

He is married to wife #3 and getting ready to file bankruptcy.

Well-I missed your birthday--but I hope it was a very happy one. I'm so glad you've decided to happy. My God--I WISH I could find the secret to allowing that--or MAKING myself do that--I have SO much to be thankful for --to be happy about--but I find, for the most part, I'm down, or pretending to be happy for other people. (And I'm not that great an actress, more than likely!!) Maybe that's the secret-I'll pretend I'm happy until I can say:
I CHOOSE happiness over this depression!!

You ARE very WISE young woman!!

Happy belated birthday.

Thank you for writing and is doing so giving of yourself.

Your post gave me a smile, brought back memories of being in THAT place (the one where hurt and anger rules) and a tear in my eye for how far we have both come.

i've heard so often that 'living well is the best revenge'; but in fact, living well is simply the best. period.

and - to make a quick-yet-*spectacular* end of a dvd...

use the microwave (hand over the 'stop' button).

Happy birthday from Europe- I just found your blog yesterday, so I wasn´t able to write this more early.
I was 36 when I left my husband, because he did Very Bad Things for years. And apart of my decision to leave him, it took me years to be totally at ease with the fact that I was a single again.
Now I am living with my cats (the three most wonderful, adorable and amazing meouw-o-crats ever), my books and, from time to time, I do a little knitting, too. And I´m glad that knitting wool is much cheaper here in good old Germany :-)
Have a nice sunday,

Gina & Paul& Emily & Eddie
(aka the red-tiger-platoon)