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May 14, 2007

Really exciting things to get excited about ... now on audio!

I have been anxiously awaiting May 15th since May 1st. The first of the month is the Payday That Might As Well Not Bother, since basically my entire check goes to rent and bills. Booooring.

Middle-of-the-month payday ROCKS THE HOUSE YO YO DAWG (Hi, American Idol called and they would like their slang back please) and even more pathetic than a slightly chubby woman of thirty-five years old invoking Randy Jackson, the reason I am excited for this particular payday is:

I can finally pay off my library fines and get more audio books!

(Hi, the lazy-ass loser geek academy called and they'd like their pocket protector back please.)

But seriously, I have become ADDICTED to audio books. For those of us who commute forty-eleven billion hours a year they are a lifesaver. And you can get audio books right there in the library for FREE* and if you are a very bad and morally reprehensible woman you might rip them onto your iPod and forget about the actual CDs forever** while you go about your merry way listening to concepts and paragraphs inside your head (deep, man) and knitting on the bus.

[* Yes, the audiobooks are FREE when you remember to return them on time.]

[** Some people have small, forgetty brains that do not intersect the neurons where the "rememory" gene is. In layman's terms, that means as soon as I place something to the side of my desk it immediately becomes invisible and I forget it ever existed or has a due date. Whoopsy.]

If there is a God of Traffic, I do believe she was responsible for the awesomeness of the AudioBook CD invention. It has made the bus a much more entertaining and also calm place. Because some Loud Talker can be sitting on the bus in the seat right behind me yammering away on their cellphone about what does little Becky or Sally want for dinner (I always want to turn and say something like, "Pardon me, I heard little Becky or Sally really HATES your cooking!" but I never do) and instead of breaking ghetto on my bus-riding neighbors, I just put my headphones on and woowee! Wordy bliss!

Recently, my friend Christine G. told me I should check out some James Patterson audiobooks, because apparently they have sound effects and I thought this would be hilarious. As soon as I pay of my fine (tomorrow! tomorrow! love you tomorrow, dawg!) I'm going to see if I can find an audiobook with sound effects. I usually stick to the more issue-laden topics... eh. Who am I kidding, ya'll know I love to get my crazy on in the self-help aisle. And that shiite comes on audio, too! I am all full-up on the ipod with wordy words of wordful wisdom on how to be happy and think positive not die of aging (hah) and also something about moving cheese from place to place.

I have had to wait for my enlightenment this month, though, because I was Bad and More Bad and Even Badder and amassed a Large Fine. The Los Angeles Public Library is thisclose to sending the po-po out to get me for ransom, and even though I promise myself each January 1st that this will be the year (this will be THE YEAR!) I finally return library materials ON TIME, it apparently isn't this year. Maybe it is next year. It appears I might have miscalculated how much of a grown-up I could be all at one time. I figure that just getting over the whole "I cry unpredictably in public because I fear dying alone in a storage shed and eaten by a cat" thing is enough personal growth for one year. Hee.

My library fines cut into my budget but they are worth it because I feel that in my warped and twisted way I am giving back to the Public Library System, contributing if you will to its greatness and supporting it through my generous gifts of lateness each month.

Who says there is nothing to the Power of Postive Thinking? See how I can turn a thing around? See how I changed "I am a lazy beast who completely spaced out and forgot she had a stack of overdue stuff" into "I am supporting literacy" with just a simple turn of phrase? It's a gift really.

Actually, it is a gift from the Public Library, purveyor of audio books, including a well-stocked self-help aisle, delivering crazy people to the power of positivity in just three easy CDs for your listening pleasure.

But remember to get 'em back to the church on time. Dawg.


Posted by laurie at May 14, 2007 9:32 AM