I've enjoyed your dating stories -- well, pretty much all your stories, but I've been wondering how you have met the guys you're dating?

I'm a 34 yr old single mom with 2 cats (!), and I wanna date tooooo! So where are you meeting these guys, even the ones who don't like cats??

Really enjoyed your post. How could someone not like cats?! Yours are adorable.

Dude, I so agree with this. I'm sorry I ever offered some bad advice about underestimating your cat numbers. How is it that I was so young and unwise, just two years ago?

Guys are weird about even just my two, but now I kind of wear it as a badge of pride, like, hey, you, just dare to not like me because I have cats.

Like the new font on your kitty captions. Did Soba demand an upgrade?

Jen -- I think it's awesome how you and I arrived at the new, somewhat defiant "I have X amount of cats!" thing at the same time, and you met a great guy who loves your catS! So I think in the end it really is better. Plus, I wanted to say "furry litmus markers of love."

The font upgrade happened because La soba needed to be art ;)

As far as I'm concerned it's "love me and love my cats." My husband knew I was insanely protective of my cats when we met and considered them my children. The fact that he loved them too made him that much more attractive (that and his cute butt, of course!)

Have a fabulous weekend, Laurie!!! You're not just a crazy cat lady anymore; now you're a PUBLISHED AUTHOR who also happens to be a crazy cat lady as well!

"...both adorable and evil"...oh yes, that describes my cat exactly!

Ksenija ... I have met guys at the store, in traffic (fo reals) at the hardware store and, well, anywhere there are humans there is the possibility of meeting human men LOL. Honestly I can tell the difference in how people (guys) react to me based on how I feel about myself at the time. When I started feeling better about my life I think I must have been more open somehow? And then I would find myself smiling more, I guess, and a smile seems to work wonders in that department.

I don't go to clubs or bars. I met one guy at a garage sale I had at my house, even! Part of it seems to be the very idea of being open to meeting people, and sometimes I also am not open and then I meet no one, my life is small and closed up. But then there are times when I feel more smiley and friendly and that is when I tend to meet fellows. I don't know if that helps. I am still trying to figure it out too!

Most men prefer dogs to cats because dogs obey, and men like to be obeyed.

Some men associate women and cats with craziness. My husband has said things like, "Oh, she's one of those nutty types with a dozen cats." As if she needed cats to be nutty.

Meeting single men is easy. Finding a decent one isn't. Best to get the cat issue out of the way right off.

Liz, you have a great weekend too! I have seen pics of your cat posse so I know their insane cuteness :)

amen, devil.

Speaking of getting it right out there at the get-go... I was until recently (and for soooooo long) single and it got to the point where after approx 5 minutes I could tell if the "date" was going to be one (gulped) drink or a 5-course dinner with aspirations. 5 minutes. Really, I thought that was a bad thing at the time, and perhaps that I was a bad person for thinking it (and never considered admitting it until I realized I wasn't the only over-30 first-date-only serial dater) until I realized that this quick evaluation gave me more time to do the stuff I actually wanted to do instead of stringing along some gigantic bore.

More power to you. For you, the wrong guy = cat hater. The. End.

Congrats again on the book.

when I was starting the dating thing again, the big do or die moment was whether or not my dog liked him (NOT whether or not HE liked the dog). I saw it this way - she had been by my side while I sat in sweat pants on the couch for months and loved me every day even more. If someone was going to be "disposable" it was going to have to be the guy.

He's lucky. Olivia loved him and he loves her and probably buys her more treats and toys than I do. But I know she'd drop those toys for me any moment - plus, she never leaves the toilet seat up!

Besides, who wants to be around a guy who doesn't like animals? Especially your babies.

You should tell the guy "Yes. I have 4 children that walk on all fours, are covered in fur, and have tails". Or start calling them your fur-children. That's what I call my cats. When I was dating my now husband, I told him I had fur-children and he was like "You have what?". Hehehe! Best laught I ever had!

Yeah, was definitely one of those "love me, love my cats" people, too. When I was single, I had two and experienced the whole guy thing about women and cats. Not long after I met my husband and we started to date, I sat him down and said "I have a serious question I want to ask you." He gave me a nervous look and said ok. I asked him "Do you like cats?" He got a big smile on his face and said "Yeah, and I happen to have one." I thought "You are so in, I'm marrying you!" And I did.

There are good men who love cats out there. I was living a happily catless life until I met the man who would, unbeknownst to both of us at the time, become my husband. He had THREE cats. Three black cats from the same litter, Pete, Julie, and Linc (the Mod Squad). I will confess now that I was not a cat-lover at the time, and his having three of them could quite possibly have been a deal-breaker. But I met them and was enchanted. He says, had I not fallen in love with his cats, I would have been out on my ass in the cold.

So it works both ways. Maybe you can find a guy with a gang of cats of his own? :)

When my husband and I were first email flirting, before any dates occurred, I disclosed the fact that I have a cat. His response? "I love kitties! I'm very much a cat guy. I like the way they move. I like the way they relax - I don't think any other creature is as capable of getting as comfortable as a cat. Dog people say that dogs are smarter than cats because you can train a dog. They fail to recognize that cats are just too smart to allow themselves to be trained."

How could I NOT marry this guy!?!?!?!

Whoa, I wasn't ready for ninja Frankie.

Your cats are so awesome :) Perfect Friday afternoon pictures.

Maybe you'll get lucky....my guy has 2 of his own cats who very much have their own personalities. He now says he's outnumbered (the cats are both girls and I'm moving in and they actually like me more than him now). And I agree with Kathy, me meeting his cats was his litmus test for me.....it was more important to him that the cats like me than his own family liking me. :)

Likin' the new caption font! Very nice! I have a "must love cats" attitude about pretty much everyone in my life. The people I really want to keep around, I convert those to cat lovers - it is possible - and the others, it's just a good excuse to give 'em the boot without intricate plans or nothin!

That is genius! Out of the gate, you know who to weed out.

I have a question, though. People ask "are you married, have a boyfriend or anything" when you're *on a date*? No, right? That's just in casual conversation, right? Because otherwise, if this has become a standard set of questions when you're ON A DATE, we've got more troubles than I thought.

Devil had it right...dogs are easily managed, so if you find a man who *prefers* cats, then most likely he is worhty of a woman who has done her self-helping. Oh, universe...please send CAP a cat-lovin' man! She is ready - I hope Soba is too!

When I was dating after my divorce, I used the cats to test the dates! If the cats didn't rub on them and totally fur-a-late them the first time they came over---no more dates! Bad mojo! If the cats didn't like them, I was suspicious. I swear, it worked! When I ignored the cat hate of one guy, he totally turned out to be a jerk later! I swear! When my now-husband came over, one of my cats sat on his lap and rubbed his face on his jacket zipper--love at first sight!

My point is, and I do have one, is that there are guys out there who will truly "love you, love your cats." Wait for one of them---they are the nice ones! :)

So with you on this! The cats and I are a package deal, and any guy who wasn't good with that doesn't get a toe in the door!

Not that there's a line at my door. But it's good to know what the number one rule is. Great photos!

I SO needed to read this right now! My guy friends are telling me that my animals (one very cool dog and two really great cats) are scaring men away. But you're right - if they don't love animals out of the gate, then fugged'em. Animals are always going to be a part of my life, and I have plenty of time to find that guy who loves them as much as I do. Great post, Laurie - as always, you say just what I need to hear that day. XO

Whoops! Dr. B, I mean when you are first chatting and in the "about to get your number" phase, where you meet a guy and then chat and then he asks for your phone number. That part.

I don't do online dating so I do it the old fashioned way, where you see someone or they see you and whatever, you smile, he says hi, you talk, phone number, date, so on. So it is usually a conversation that either happens in person OR on the phone prior to a first date.

Marissa, I have been there girl. I remember thinking with this one guy, "Oh Lord please let the cats stay hidden..." because I knew he'd judge. Now I think, "What on earth was I doing with that guy?!" I don't need someone to judge my pets, I mean I have way more weirdo eccentricities than just some pets LOL. I need someone with an open and loving heart and some hot manly arms ;)

Sorry, I have you beat here :) I'm a librarian! Thankfully I only had one cat when I meet my husband. Now we have 3 adorable fur babies. And he kids me that he saved me from becoming "an old maid librarian with cats".

I have been talking with a guy who loves cats. He has very existential things to say about them, in fact, and can't wait until he gets a large house so that he can have three or four.

I think I am in lurve. Heh.

I love kitties!!

Okay, I am totally picturing you finding a guy with a cat posse of his own. Can you picture you, the new hunk and eight cats. Eight. The poop stories would be neverending.

I adopted one of my cats when a (male) friend fell in love with someone who didn't like cats and he decided to get rid of the cat rather than the boyfriend. The cat was depressed and stressed for a long time about being spearated from his owner and his home. It took a long time for him to trust that he had a permanent home with me.

I would never pick someone who wouldn't accept my cats.

I was once paying a condolence call with several friends, and no one wanted to talk about, you know, why we were there, so the conversation turned to cats. "The maximum number of cats you can have without being officially a crazy cat lady is four," one person said. (You know who you are.)

Everyone looked at me.

So there you have it: me, official crazy cat lady. You, crazy tourist and published author. (I figured I should mention it since you didn't.)

Eff 'em if they can't take a cat!

I had the opposite problem when I finally started dating after my divorce. Guys would ask the "are you married/do you have children," I'd say no, then they'd ask about pets, I'd say currently none (ok, that's "currently" for the past 17 years) and they'd think I was strange because I lived all alone. Sometimes you just can't win!

I have the opposite issue with men and cats.

My husband LOVES cats (he practically squeals "KITTYYYYYY" when he sees them) but alas, I am allergic. Poor guy.

Anyway, they are out there! And they are really sweet and good guys too :)

I cop to the wool and the cat right up front. Scare 'em off early, that's my philosophy.
If they want to sleep with you enough - or heaven forbid, LIKE you - they'll roll with it.

Whew, Laurie. That's a relief. I knew it was ugly out there, but that would've been too much.

Oh! And, the new font and POW are super kick-ass.

My almost-ex is allergic to cats, but this was not discovered until after we were married. So, I resigned myself to never owning a cat again, because I just didn't think it was fair to make him suffer so I could have a cat.

We got a dog and then we got two kids, and one day, a sweet grey tabby showed up at the door, walked into the house and decided he liked us.

My then-husband took one look at the cat and said, "That's a great cat."

Kirby cat was with us for the next 15 years. And, yes, he made my husband sneeze. He also loved my husband the most, I think. He was always snuggled up next to him in his chair. And the feeling was mutual. My ex thought he was the greatest pet.

I don't know how he feels about women with cats now. Now that he's out there, trying to date 20-somethings and pretend he's not over 50 and stuff, but at one time, he loved a woman with a cat.

Sigh.

I'm glad you're dating though,and learning to ask for what you really want.

My daughter had no cats and married someone who talked her into 3. He'd have more if he could.

Cat guys ARE out there. (I converted my husband to a 2-cat guy, too.)

When you're doing your book tour, everyone will know you have 4 cats and cat-loving dates will appear!

hey Laurie, I'm going to try that "being open and smiley" thing! I have a little dog who LOVES everyone as long as they have hands to run her belly. I think cats are a much better judge of character...I agree with the other ladies. Let your cats decide who you should date. (Except Soba. She could do real harm to a man she doesn't like.)

the cats have pretty much always been there, as soon as i got my own apartment. so any guy who was going to be hanging out with me would have to learn to put up with the cats. joe calls me the "cat lady of alcatraz."

Okay, so I have to admit that I am not at all a fan of cats - the fact that I am excruciatingly allergic to them may have something to do with it - but I am a HUGE fan of getting those "dealbreakers" out in the open. It's great to know yourself well enough to realize there are certain things about you or your life that just are, and not be afraid to put them out there. With cats or whatever it may be, there are dates you click with and plenty more you don't. So much better to know up front. And I think you're right on - "listening" to how you feel about yourself when you're with a person is so important! :-)

There are definitely good men out there who like cats. My husband of nearly 17 years is proof. A few years ago our beloved O'Malley died. I swore up and down I wouldn't get another cat because it was too hard on me if something happened to them. A few months later I found a stray kitty who literally leaped into my arms in a parking lot. I called DH and said "hey I found this cat". He cut me off and said "bring it home". He earned all sorts of husband points that day.

If you think the 4 cats thing is tough to explain, try explaining 4 parrots.

Not that I have to do it very often since it seems that I have been sprayed with some kind of man-repellant since the divorce. Perhaps the birds are secretly working some kind of avian hex on me?

Sigh.

Laurie, don't skip the online dating! Seriously. I looked at it as a past time/hobby and it made it that. much. easier. I may have had to wade through about 60 really interesting (but not good enough to keep) guys before I met my fella, but he's the best! I found the most success on theonion.com personals. (Yep, THE ONION has personals...who know?) Not all the men were conceited trolls there.

BTW: I'm allergic to cats. So men with cats were cut from the team immediately. Not all of us "pro-dog" folks hate cats...I just prefer to breathe and not sneeze every five seconds.

I will trade two teenage boys and dog for a cat. Any takers?

I suppose one could start hanging around pet-adoption events and chatting up the guys who stop to coo over the homeless kitties.

I have to admit to not going out with a guy because of his cats. He had two cats, but neither of them liked to be touched and one of them apparently was known to attack for no reason... And he thought all of this was perfectly fine. Don't get me wrong, I'll play with and love on kitties with everyone else, but I don't get the part about doting on something that is aloof to me and often pissed off at me for affection. I think most people are either dog people or cat people, I'm the former....

My husband of not-quite-one-year was very iffy on cats when we were dating. At the time I lived alone with my pretty tabby, Isabelle. She started out avoiding him (he has big feet and is a little clumsy) which he thought was fine--it was a live-and-let-live truce between man and cat. But...when we moved in together she started getting a little bolder. After a while she started a coy little evening ritual wherein she tiptoes into the living room while he's watching TV, and makes a few passes by his ankles while gazing charmingly up at him and letting out cute little squeaking noises. After a minute or so, he scoops her up and puts her on his lap where she curls up and purrs for hours. He decided that Isabelle was the exception to his general attitude to cats. Then he started a new job in an Assisted Living home with 3 resident cats. In only a few weeks he announced that those three were exceptions as well, but he still doesn't like cats. Hmmm...I'll let him keep his pride, but I think we have a convert.

KJ-- I had the exact same repellant sprayed on me for 17 months!! But you know what? I think it will get better. It got better for me and I was morose and schlumpy. Can I just say "Cardigan of Constant Sorrow."

And I for one would love to see your parrots :) So would Soba, I fear....

Sarah got Perry Penelope (now MY cat) when she went to college and Perry consented to live with her for 13 years (since this was in California I think Perry taught Soba about being an alpha cat dictator). Perry actually "treed" a couple of Sarah's dates, had 'em right up on chairs or sofas because they were afraid of her. That cat KNOWS who she does and does not like and when the feeling is reciprocated.

You're absolutely right to get the cat posse out in the open before beginning any sort of relationship - any man who doesn't like them doesn't deserve you. End of story :)

I agree that the cat question should be one of the first. When I first met by guy he was taking care of his roommate's cat (rooomie was in Iraq). If he spent the weekend with me, we'd have to make at least one trip over to his place to make sure Wisp was OK. Oh, and we met via the online personals. So, these things can turn out quite well! (I will confess that I went through a dozen 35-and-still-living-with-mommy types before meeting him though.)

Laurie, I seriously think you should have Drew bring you to Nevada to meet his single brother who has 3 cats!! He is as adorable as Drew and we would love having you in the family! Big sister Dawn

I not only have two cats, but also three kids and a gekko. And, if a guy is interested in me, he has to realize we are a package, and we are WORTH it. You are too!

(And, I am not some fancy pants published authoress to go with it! :) )

Lovin' the new font. Very cool.

And I love the Batman-esque action photo of Soba. So funny!

And about New York.....comfy shoes are a BIg MUST.....you do ALOT of walking in New York. My sister & I spent 10 days there and the second day we took a cab to the Rockport store to buy new shoes we could walk in as our feet were already dying from one day. It is a fabulous place to visit.

I think a lot of men dislike cats because, like the sci-fi writer Heinlen said, "Women and cats will always do whatever they wish. Men and dogs had better just get used to it."
But the up-front deal-breakers are an excellent idea! That's why I loved online dating, I got to list all my deal-breakers up-front and politely state that whoever didn't like it could look elsewhere.

PICAdrienne, hee. I plan to inform the Insane Kitty Posse tonight that I am a "fancypants published authoress." Then I assume they will stare at me, and wonder when will I be getting my fancypants self in to scoop the pan, ahem?

LOL

AMEN! I have three cats and when I got them I had a Very Serious Boyfriend, so I went through a similar issue when I was no longer with the Boyfriend. But now? Whatever. I have realized that the kind of guy that would be freaked out by this is not the kind of guy I would want to be dating anyway.

I was _just_ thinking about this last night. Lying in bed with my two cats. Trying to figure out why I worry so much about being a "Thirty Something Divorcee With Cats Who Knits." Why I'm so self-deprecating about it. And I wondered why cats are seen as different from dogs. Would I worry if I were divorced and had two dogs? No, I'd think people thought that was fine, that men'd think that was hot. As it is, I joke about how not-hot my situation is. I joke like I don't care but I think I do. And I think I should quit it.

My ex and I got kittens for the same reasons some couples have babies. Hoping it would make things better. And pretty soon my relationship with my boys will be longer than my relationship with the ex. And I don't know what I would have done without them during the divorce. Just having the responsibility of caring for them kept me from ever considering staying in bed for days. Sure, I stayed on the couch a bit. And on the floor too, sometimes. But I always got up. (Click my name below to see one my honeys.)

Anyway. Funny how coincidence happens. I'm not interested in dating right now but I think I'm gonna quit trash-talking my circumstance. I'm gonna try to quit caring how it sounds. I'm still not glad about the divorce but I'm glad about Thirty Something, Cats, and Knits. And three out of four's pretty good.

My ex-husband was allergic to cats, but the first time we separated, I got a cat. We reconciled and the cat had to go live with my brother (bad, bad, never give up your pet for a human!). The second time we separated, I got another cat. When we reconciled, I said the cat stayed this time and the hubby got shots for allergies. But the cat developed an "allergy" to the husband and started a curious 2-1/2 year vomiting ailment, which suddenly cleared up when the 3rd separation and divorce (finally) came through.

My first boyfriend after my divorce said as far as he was concerned, there was NEVER enough cat fur in the house. We had three.

My DH, when we were dating and early in the relationship, tolerated the cats (2 of 'em). He'd always say, "I'm completely agnostic about cats." Those two passed on and he actually encouraged me to adopt two more.

Fast forwad a few years. Now when DH calls me during day, he doesn't ask how I am. He asks about one of the cats--How is he? What's he doing? Is there a sunbeam for him?

People who don't like cats haven't met the right cats.

Hi!

I´m a bit late on this but: WOW, a book. I haven´t been reading your blog for a few days and was totally surprised. But we all knew that you are a great writer, so it not so surprising after all.

You should try cat shows to find cat loving men. Do you think maybe Sobakowa would like to be presented at a show?

Online dating works so well for so many people, but for me it was a disaster.

That was where I met "Jack" who I dated on and off for FIVE months before discovering he was married. He lied online, and lied to me. I also met a few other guys who thought I was too fat. It was horrible. I described myself and even sent accurate pictures. Made me feel worse than just staying home! And I found many of the guys were serial online daters. I guess they were disappointed when they met me. Turns out I am a better writer than a talker, and I guess my emails made them like me but in person I'm a dork?

For me -- and this is just me, I know others are different -- I meet guys in real life so it works better for me that way. They see right up front what I look like and have no pre-conceived email notions. And they start chatting with me based on that sort of natural attraction thing we all used to do before online dating. I like that, plus I myself find attraction to be a huge part of dating and I just like what I like, so if I see a man and meet him the old fashioned way ("produce aisle") then it has worked out better than online things where I feel bad if I'm the one who feels no attraction and never know what to say anyway.

I know so many people who love online dating and it works for them but ... I don't think it is for everyone. Well by 'everyone' I guess I mean me LOL.

Willa, I love what you wrote. I loved loved loved it.

we have 3 cats. What I find funny is when people find out there are three, they automatically assume that I am the "crazy cat lady" and my husband was the happless fool who just went along with it. He is just a goofy about these cats as I am, but never has to endure the label "crazy cat man".

thanks for the photos!

I always think of the line in the movie "Erin Brockovich", where the cute biker dude wants her phone number and she says something along the lines of "Number? You want my number?" and starts rattling off how many kids she has and how many exes....It's the same thing with the cats, I believe. Defiant is the only way to go. I only have 1 cat but 3 ex-husbands, and let me tell you, THAT is a serious dating handicap, in my mind, at least!

when i started dating my now husband, i was single (obviously) and had four cats. i was hesitant to tell him at first because of the stigma attached to single women with cats, but then thought if you can't love my cats, i can't love you. i even told him as much after he asked me "what? four cats?! were they having a sale at the thai restaurant?" so at least he could sort of joke about it. but it was shortly thereafter that i said, "well, i hope you love cats because you will go before they will". we've been together for over five years. and now he makes up songs and sings to them.

That picture of Frankie is cracking me up. Clearly it is Friday and I need wine.

Yikes! Thanks, Laurie! Everybody's story is different but I've loved reading CAP and knowing I'm not the only one out there. TSDWCWK (tiz-dwick-wick?), that is. ;)

And for equal time, the other half of the FKB (Fabulous Kitten Brothers) is linked this time.

I know this is discriminatory--but I don't care: I don't trust people who say they don't like cats, and I REALLY don't trust people who say they hate cats--they are missing a gene or something. Seriously deficient human bean. Stay away.

I will not date anyone who does not like animals, period. I know that I will always have pets. Right now, it's 2 cats and 2 guinea pigs. Eventually, I want a dog. And ideally, I want to live in a house in the country where I can have horses and chickens.

I also have a theory that people who don't like animals have an essential part of....something...missing. Not sure how to describe it, but I'm sure all pet lovers know what I mean.

When I met my husband, I had one cat. My lease was up and I didn't know where I'd live (with my cat) for the couple of months until I finished my degree, so he invited me AND my cat to move in with him. I thought he might not like cats because his ex-girlfriend's cats used to pee everywhere, including on his things. Turned out besides being in love with me, he's a cat lover (animal-lover, actually) and we now have had 6 cats since that first one and we currently live with 4 kitties. He has two pictures on his desk at work: a small one of me and a larger one of one of our cats! There ARE guys out there who like cats. You just have to find one. Maybe try hanging out at the cat side of the vet's office or the catfood aisles of Petco.

Oh, and I loved the "Death Hug of Human". In our house we call it "Love Tax" and the cats (at least the ones that will let us pick them up) have to endure it.

Sing it sister! You are right on with that one.

I never stuck with the guys who were weird about my dogs. Pets know more than we do...they can tell if men are weird/lying/shifty/mean and pretending not to be.

When I met DH, he was thrilled with my pups, and one of them even adopted him as her human. It worked out quite well and to me it is still one of the cutest things ever to watch them cuddle. ;-)

I knew Redneck was THE one when I found out he had 5 cats to my 1.

Crazy cat man.

Absolutely love the "POW" picture! Made me LOL at work.

You are right on the money, Laurie. If the guy isn't into your cats, run the other way FAST. You don't need him!

So I married an axe murderer love <3

I hate that we can be judged by the number of cats we have. Why is 4 an undateable number? I think maybe 12 is undateable. Also unhealthy!

Thank God that I don't have to ponder these questions at this time in my life.
And I think any potential 'boyfriends' would be way more scared of how much yarn and scrapbooking supplies I have, and not my pets!

I hate that we can be judged by the number of cats we have. Why is 4 an undateable number? I think maybe 12 is undateable. Also unhealthy!

Thank God that I don't have to ponder these questions at this time in my life.
And I think any potential 'boyfriends' would be way more scared of how much yarn and scrapbooking supplies I have, and not my pets!

I hear you. Actually, I've been married for 17 years, but I'd still hide my three cats from my husband if I thought I could get away with it.

One of mine is a beautiful tortiseshell like your Sobakowa. She's 18, recently escaped the house and was gone for over a month, but we found her after all that, starved thin but hanging on. She's doing well now. I think torties are just tough, badass cats!

Uh, that would be "PAW" picture. Sorry. I'm keyboard challenged.

The cats are a part of your life, and I firmly believe that to meet the right person, you have to put your whole self out there, cat hair and all. Like you said, if people reject you because of your cats, it's less of your life wasted.

In my apartment building, I am known as the crazy cat lady. And this is by the hypochrondriac woman above me and her neighbor across the hall (who started dating his wife's sister immediately after the wife had passed away).

I am 35 and single. No luck with online dating OR in person dating. I've been on a break for the past 3 years! OUCH!

I *so* agree with Lisa (above). When a guy used to ask me how many animals I have, I'd say "Oh, a couple" (as in "two-ish, could be four, could be five ...") and then tell him about Little White Canine who is a Maltese and probably one of the most un-manly boydogs out there (although he'd beg to differ). If he still didn't twitch and made it past the creep factor, I'd ask him how allergic he was to cats. If not, then I might have had him pick me up for a date or two, and then it's impossible to ignore my Five Felines. Litmus test, oh yes. The animals stay. The guys? They either never made it past the creep factor or were otherwise disposable. Or adored my animals more than me. Go figure.

When I met my husband, upon hearing that I had cats, he said with authority, "I hate cats." I replied, knowingly, "You just haven't met the right cat." Two months later, while I was busy with something on the computer, he said, ever so softly, "Um...can I go play with the cats?" Ever since, he's been "Daddy," and we have even more cats now, because he wanted them :)
A lot of people who think they hate cats, have wrong ideas about cats & haven't ever actually met a lot of them.

Dude, I get crap for having two cats. Just last night, a guy I was on a date with said, "So... two cats, huh?" like it was a huge liability.

Lame.

so I am divorced and have just one cat. And I have a New Guy in my life. And the most MAJOR fight we've had in almost 2 years...was over my cat.

(btw, my 2 kids have not presented a single argument between New Guy and me)

Rest assured y'all...the cat and I won.

Yesterday I adopted my third fuzzy little beastie. She's an unintentionally orphaned barely one month old kitten. Tiny! Cute! I totally got sucked in.

My best guy friend, a confirmed non-cat love, at least tolerates my babies. Especially after they moved his fully loaded laptop bag clear across the living room. After that he had no doubts of their resolve and fierceness.

I'm with you though, if you don't like cats then we aren't going to last. I had them first and the only poop I'm willing to deal with is their's. Thankyouverymuch!

I don't have friends that don't have either cats or dogs, because anyone without pets won't understand me, either.

We have 4, and it's all because my SO loves and spoils them to death. We live on lint rollers, so help me God.

He's got a great heart for animals and keeps food in the garage for the strays in the neighborhood. [He doesn't close the door all the way so they have some place to go if it rains or gets cold.]

The right guy will love your 4, Laurie. And he'll help you cry when they are sick.

Ya know, it doesn't matter if its cats. I've learned some guys (just like some girls) have ideas of how people *should be.*

My entire dating life I've had dogs (Dick & Jane are my current kids). And, it never failed to amaze me how guys would react to them. To be fair, some were awesome and to be very biased, some have been downright mean. But then I realised, since I'm not into any real dating rules or games to test people, that became the BEST test/game ever. If the guy liked/loved dogs, fabulous. If the guy was the nicest, hottest most successful catch ever and he didn't like/love dogs, sorry, you're obviously not the one for me.

The second test was the living at home thing. (Yeah, 32, single, live at home with a fabulous wardrobe!). It is an amazing situation, not what most people expect. But, I can't even begin to describe how guys would react. Some of the conversations would go a little like this:

"So, where do you live?"
Westside
"Where about?"
Westwood
"Wow, do you have roommates?"
Yeah, I live at home with my mom.
"Uhm, ok..."

Now, my boyfriend and my mom totally dig each other (she just left a batch of caramel/chocolate covered rice krispie treats for him) but I have to admit, between Dick & Jane and living at home, the boys have to be willing to jump through a few hoops....not that its a bad thing.

Laurie, there are TONS of cool cat guys out there. Now that you're ready for them, they'll be poppin' out of the woodwork.

Seriously.

I'm divorced with one cat...my b/f takes allergy pills to be with(tolerate us) ;) ...(he actually rescued her much to my suprise,knowing he was allergic and that I couldn't stand watching her suffer..(he just walked in the door with her after the owner caved into the fact that she wasn't getting what she needed...this after b/f swore he'd never own a cat) so she wasn't in the picture when we met)I cannot imagine my life w/o either of them. She meets him at the door like June Cleaver.. after a hard days work he is greeted with lots of legs swipes and lots of ME-ows..if she could I swear she would wear pearls and serve him a drink right after he took his shoes off...I know he would miss her if she were gone...I'm not so sure he'd miss me as much if I were gone.. :)

You got it right. They must pass the test. One of my requirements is always, "must be the type of guy that will pull over to help the cat/dog in distress."

One guy, after the first date, offered to come early to a park with me to help set up for a dog-rescue event because, get this, he wanted to meet my dogs.

He passed the test.

I've got a friend from grad school who had three or four cats (don't know how many he has now. He loved those little critters. So, cat guys are out there - but maybe they're in New York.

If your animals don't like a guy - any kind of animal - stay the hell away from him. Animals can tell. Which is probably why a lot of people don't like pets. They know the animals know what they're really like!

Wow - I thought I was the only woman who had ever agonized over that question, it's so nice to know I'm not alone!

It's not just people you date who judge your cat numbers, it's *everyone*!

So I do it the opposite way, "Yes, I have three cats, but I also have a husband, so I am not a crazy cat lady!"

I haven't had time to read all the comments, so I am sure I will echo others here. Yeah, don't even bother with guys who don't like cats. And if they try to make you feel wierd or whatever, just remember there are lots of people with multiple cats out there. I have two male friends, both of whom have 2 cats each. In fact, most of the people in my neighborhood have multiple cats, mainly because there is a huge stray cat population where I live, and everyone keeps taking them in. That's how I ended up with 5 of them. It really is not a big deal in B-more. Mebbe you should move here!! :-)

Don likes wine too.......3 cats, likes wine, single......sounds like a good match....are you sure you don't want to have Drew bring you up to beautiful Nevada to meet Don???

Definitely better to find out upfront! When I was single, I had a cat, her five kittens (eventually I gave three of them away), and a Rottweiler (did the Rottie somehow cancel out all the cats? I don't know. She did seem to bring some kind of "cool factor" with her. But dude, 6 cats is 6 cats, no matter how many tough dogs are around). I knew I'd found true love when my then-boyfriend now-husband offered to watch all the cats *at his house* while I was out of town for a week.

When people tell me they hate cats, I always want to say, well, I hate people who hate cats. I guess that's not entirely true, though. Maybe I just hate people who are rude enough to tell me they hate cats.

Laurie, how'd you get so smart so soon? Always, always ditch the guy who balks at your love nest of cats. Two years ago, we adopted two rescued English Springer Spaniels (sorry, can't do cats). One of them was given up by a woman who recently married and decided to go to vet school (or some school - she worked at a vet's office). The new husband apparently hated the pup and stated it was him or the dog. Our sweetheart was only 14 months old, born on Valentine's Day. This woman traded this precious pup for a man! I tell you - it's going to be the worst mistake of her life. She should have ditched the man and saved herself a lot of misery.

So - stick to your fur rules. You won't be sorry, in the long run.

Oh, it was my long-time husband who "found" our two ESSs and insisted they needed us. More like a mutual need here.

You already know, being so smart and all, not to compromise in certain areas for any man. I'm proud of you!

I'm totally with The Other Ruth: the right man will love you AND your cats! (He'll love you more, of course. But the cats? He will love them!)

A man who hates cats is a man worth throwing back in the dating pool. He's too small.

I'd started wondering if I'd be single forever with my cats. I'd had a boyfriend who didn't mind them, but it didn't work out. When I started grad school, I also started volunteering for a cat rescue/adoption group, where I met the guy who would become the Husband. Turns out that he's an even bigger sucker than I am. I only had three cats when we met. He brought home his SIXTH cat the night before our first date! The blended family is doing ok (hey, only one's on anti-anxiety meds!). So....maybe you could find a cat rescue/adoption group... :)

I have recently committed to the following concept: (after mucho wtf? dates and hookups)

when it comes to having a man,
YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO COMPROMISE.

At least right away. Maybe later, but if you're compromising or making excuses at the beginning, THERE BE DRAGONS!

I learned that the hard way. As Sugarland says:

"I ain't settlin' for just gettin' by
Had enough so-so, For the rest of my life
Tired of shootin' too low, so raise the bar high,
'Just enough' ain’t enough this time
I ain’t settlin’ for anything less than everything"

word. Preach it, Laurie.

It could be worse-- I have two sheep and *mumble*teen goats.

The kitties should write a book about your forays into the dating world!

Go check out www.angrylittlegirls.com, and find the comic entitled "Decisions..." in the 10 week archive. I've got it printed out and hanging at my desk.

When I met the boyfriend I had 3 cats; two calico and one all white. Last summer the boyfriend went and adopted a little black kitten because he said we needed to balance things out.

Sobakowa is writing a manifesto, I hear. But she sure does sleep a lot so it may take a while. LOL. Of course, she probably has an agent, that little youknowwhat.

Oh, and! My mom and her partner have 14 cats, and it's my step-dad who keeps bringing more home.

They live on a farm and also have 2 big dogs, a donkey and a passel of horses and Texas Long Horns. So there are people out there with waaay more than four cats. Next time you go on a date ask him how he feels about donkeys. Just for fun, y'know?

I haven't read all the comments but just wanted to say - isn't the reverse true? When you meet a man who volunteers that he likes cats, he automatically goes up about 5 million points on the attractiveness scale?

How do you tell a man (or, the general populace) that you have a tarantula?

sorry to comment twice but I just remembered appropriate feline story:

aforementioned cat pee'd everywhere around my bed when X slept over for the first time, when we were dating. (I hope your dad isn't reading this).

aforementioned cat never did that before or since.

THEY KNOW cheatin', lyin' humans when they smell one....

I am picturing you at dinner with a date, smiling, having converation and wine, and whipping out your wallet to reveal one of those long strips of pictures with the kitties. And for whatever reason, this image of you makes me feel a little giddy-silly happy for you. ;)

I read somewhere that a lot of dictators throughout history disliked cats, so I'm not surprised that the Sobakowa is a cat-disliker.

It's my opinion that people who "hate" cats are control freaks. They want pets that will do tricks and fetch, and that includes their spouse.

I adore your cats, Laurie (especially Bob and Roy), but I'm female and married, so I can't date you. :(

I have three cat's and love them all but being a guy makes it even worse people think I am really nuts so I use the excuse well I didn't want to raise a dog in an apartment.

Don't rule out online dating entirely - that's how I met Frank!

Mind you, I had to do Match.com twice, and I met my share of weirdos - and even a guy who lied about his height (?) - but that's because it's still dating, and let's face it, dating sucks.

I have a friend of mine who is happily married to a gorgeous, fun, kind woman he met on Match, but he joined and quit 5 times and even ended up on a date with a woman who turned out to be a man.

It's not online that's the problem. It's dating.

Online dating DOES let you tailor your profile to put the dealbreakers up front - I could tell how well mine was working by looking up who had read my profile and NOT contacted me. And it gets your profile out there so you can meet folks you never would have met. Frank and I lived 1.5 miles apart from each other for 4 years and never ran into each other at the bank, grocery store or anything, but we met online.

Oh, and as for the woman-with-cats thing, yeah - I got that too as a 37-year-old (at the time) with three cats. I still can't believe how mean and judgemental people were/are about that. How DARE they say someone is "undatable" because they have cats?

And WHY do we listen to them?

And shame on those guys who thought you were too fat even after you sent them accurate photos!!!! You don't need someone that shallow. Or insecure. Some guys will put women down just to make themselves feel better - "Oh, I'm such a stud I can do better than that!"

They're usually the ones who end up getting divorced by their trophy wives and taken to the cleaners.

Men who don't like cats? Screw 'em. I've got two, and the boyfriend has known from the get-go that the cats are non-negotiable.

What I want to know is where you got that little kitty pup tent in the last post? I've got a small one that only has one opening and only fits one cat, which is a problem when they both want to be in it.

of the several cat-haters in my romantic past, each is now in middle age and still unmarried, having major dating trauma, psycho breakups, etc. maybe there's no correlation, but ;D maybe there IS!

maybe men who hate cats are men who don't want to share -- who are jealous of another entity's seniority in your life, or right to your time and affection and body warmth -- and who are also possibly too lazy/simple to keep up with the ever-changing moods of the feline or feminine. also, i think, maybe incapable of being comfortable alone. a man who hates cats, even if you had no cats (god forbid!), would be a terrible drain on your energies and time.

i am so, so, so happy about your book! congratulations!!! and may the cat-loving man of your dreams come forward and be fun to play with, for a super long time.

If a guy doesn't like cats he isn't worthy enough to be around mine. Good thing my husband likes our cat ... would be good if she liked him back!

I love your cats! My boyfriend thinks I'm crazy and my cats are crazy and plus he's allergic to them, but he's happy around them and secretly loves them. ^_^ Only they who love my cats are worthy.

Roy! Hurray Roy, Cutest Cat of the Internets! Love that you just get that part out of the way because really, who'd want to date someone who hated cats?

This is one of the reasons that I tried online dating when I was newly single. Imagine, a woman who not only had 3 cats, but who also was 40 AND had two kids (including a 6-month-old baby). Yeah, I was real hot stuff out there on the dating scene. But I figured, this is my life and I'm not going to hide it. So I put it all up front on my profile. Get it out there, right away, so it wouldn't be an "issue" later on.

I wasn't bombarded with a lot of replies, but I found one....and we got married almost a year ago.

Men who weed out potential partners because of cats or kids are just useless, and life is too short to date useless men.

Poo on guys who don't like cats! I HAD to marry my husband coz my cats liked him better than me. They still do. And he is the biggest marshmallow for felines ever. Even bigger than me, which I didn't think was possible. Also, my brother-in-law and my nephew both love cats, and they are fine and interesting human beans, to boot. The moral of the story: There ARE men out there who aren't mutants, or very smelly, who will indeed find a woman with four cats sexy, and who will appreciate all 5 of you as you deserve! You GO, girl!

I knew the minute my now husband, then date, walked into my apartment and started happily playing with my cat that he had long term potential (clearly I was right). I mean really, would you want to spend the rest of your days with someone who wasn't equally enamoured of your cats? Good for you for being loud and proud about your four! :)

The guy has to like cats (even if it's just secretly). Period.

I didn't have any when hubby and I met, but we had both grown up with cats, and knew we both liked them.

I knew that if a guy I was dating didn't "get" cats, then he wouldn't "get" me either. More than once (a week) my husband has called me a cat (usually as in "cantankerous old cat" as opposed to "sweet beautiful feline goddess"). But he does get me and gets cats!

My cat Evelyn wouldn't go NEAR my ex, whom I tried living with for 6 months. Seriously she'd run out of the room. However, I met my fiance and I knew he was the one because Evelyn would nuzzle with him, let him pick her up, and begs for scritches. Total Litmus test.

Oh-My-GAWD! I LOVE it! I have always suspected that my cat was a better judge of character than I, but never made the obvious leap of logic that you just made! Revel in the cat ownership! Lemon-Law the freaks that don't like cats right away and then introduce the ones that pass muster to the all-wise and all-knowing cat! Thanks so much for the AHA moment: I'm making a list:
http://kelleenorg.blogspot.com/2006/05/reasons-i-shall-grow-up-to-be-that.html

I forgot to mention I had 3 cats when we first met, and he demanded we get a 4th to round out the family! He's a keeper.

Four cats, two dogs. No men. You do the math.

Hmm.. does that mean if I were single and had my two dogs (both large) I would be more attractive to men??

Hm... more attractive than whom?? I don't know, as Laurie is cute and smiley and young and all that...

My husband's ex-wife kept what I will charitably refer to as wild animals in the house, rather than pets. So, early on when we were dating (I had three cats), he stated quite adamantly "There will be no cats in MY house!"
Here's my answer to that:
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/184/474907457_3cc6338bd7_o.jpg

Heh! My husband loves the kitties and they love him.

Here's what I don't get. Our five cats collectively weigh about 65 lbs which would be equal to about one larger sized dog. We could have two or three dogs that big and no one would bat an eyelash. In fact we know people that have that many big dogs and no one finds it odd that they do. However, tell people that we have as many cats as we do and they just look at us like we are crazy. Perhaps we are. I don't care. Heck, our vet loves us as I'm sure we've funded many a vacation for him.

Forgot to mention earlier that the cat pictures today are a hoot!

I'm an animal lover generally and a cat owner specifically, so it's not cat bashing, but I would not date anyone who called their cats their "fur babies."

My mental image of that is someone pushing a cat in a stroller. I think you posted a photo of that recently!

Perhaps it's because I'm the mother of human babies.

My husband had a cat when I met him. He claimed he did not love this cat, but had taken it in as a kitten because she showed up on his snowy doorstep and *forced* her way in and he *felt bad*. She probably weighed four ounces at the time, so I'm not sure how she *forced* her way past his 6 ft frame, but whatever.

He had the cat for 17 years and he cried when she died. We often speak of her and how we miss her weird ways. Now he loves my cat, even though she is the most evil of all cats.

Although, again, he claims he doesn't like her, even as he's scratching her ears just the way she likes it or letting her clean his hair even though he hates it. As seen here: http://youtube.com/watch?v=fdOI5Qj5d1Q.

So, men sometimes say they hate cats because I think they are programmed to say such things. When, in reality, they might not hate them so much.

Maybe these men are afraid that a cat's steely gaze will make their "business" shrivel up and fall off.

Oh! I hope this link works, but if it doesn't, just go to Target.com and do a search for "crinkle cave" and you will see the red version of our blue tent.

I cut off the flap piece (it's supposed to be able to join two tents together) but my cats are too, um, full-bodied and robust to fit through a tube of fabric that small.

http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/sr=1-1/qid=1177709911/
ref=sr_1_1/602-0654442-6502208?ie=UTF8&asin=B000M4GSX2

Why did your writing the book have to be kept secret? If you could address that in the blog that'd be great, as I don't have the time to read all the comments. You're so popular! CONGRATS!!

Bossy thinks maybe you could admit to two cats and then, later back at the apartment, sort of act as though the two have magically procreated like pesky gerbils.

I tell people that I don't like cats, but I love my two babies, and every time I see a stray on the street my heart melts! My neighbourhood strays know me (because I stop and talk to them, pet them, etc.) The truth of the matter is, I prefer dogs and am a dog person. I am slowly learning the way of the cat.

If you suddenly had dogs instead of cats, you'd be in culture shock a bit, yeah? That's kind of how the last year has been for me. Do I love my cats? Oh yes. Do I wish they were dogs? You betcha. And my youngest cat thinks he's a dog. Fetches, growls, you name it.

Hi Dianne. Yikes that is sort of a tough question.

I guess I kept it a secret because I had to focus on actually writing it. Yesterday KJ asked if I get writer's block and I said that Oh, I write all the time, never stop... blah blah blah. And what I really meant to say was just that I work every day, I don't stop, I work even when I want to be watching TV and drinking wine and painting my toes. So I can't indulge myself in that, I had to work just like I write every day on this site, or just like I go to my job and put in the time. It is work and it's good, I love it.

But Lord I had times when I wanted to anything *but* write on the book.

So I needed to focus, not talk about it. No talking, just working. Just actually DO it.

The other reason I kept it secret is a little harder to explain. I was born a people-pleaser and as such I hate it when people say mean or snarky things. And I knew that someone out there would be all "blogger books are a dime a dollar" and "she doesn't deserve it" and "pshaw, I can write better than that dead in my bathroom."

I needed to become someone who could handle a negative, mean or nasty review. I'm not sure I am all the way there yet, but I'm a lot closer. I'm working on it. The amazing comments from folks here when I announced it helped!! Felt like I won the Lotto or won Antonio Banderas or something, it was overwhelmingly AWESOME.

But anyway, keeping it close meant no one could say anything either way. I honestly think this is why so many of us never go for our total balls-out dreams or goals or whatever... because we know somewhere out there is a critic waiting to rip us up, tell us we suck.

It's like when you lose weight and suddenly some people don't like you. You either stay fat and hope to please folks or you do what you want for you and just hope it works out.

I needed to accept it, deal with it, and get a move on. So I kept it a secret as long as possible because the people-pleaser gene is DAMN STRONG. I'm working on it.

And Dianne thank you for the congrats. Sorry I was wordy there above.

Bossy, have I told you that on a regular basis you literally CRACK ME UP?

Oh, I've been saying this one for a while. Only two cats, but add angora rabbits and show guinea pigs into the mix....

That Paw! picture is a sweet action photo! I secretly suspect anyone who my cat Prana disapproves of.

I rember constant comments from my married friends that I would never get a date or husband because I had 4 animals - 2 cats and 2 dogs - I looked at it as very good weeding out material - I found a nut who loves them as much as I do and I KNOW I am WAY happier than all those married friends who have a husband but no pets - I have both!

Ok I say you sic Soba on the guy(s) that hate cats. REALLY give them a reason. :-)

I absolutely love cats myself. I have a roommate with a dog, so I can't have a cat right now, but I definitely plan on getting two kittens again someday. I have to get two so that they have each other to play with. I'm sure you already knew that though :)

Thanks, now I really really am craving Pringles. And eating the whole can myself.

I grew up having cats, as well as rabits, mice, birds, fish and a guinea pig, but I never really could have a dog, never had the room or yard for one. So when I got married my hubby said he'd finally get me the puppy I've wanted! Well, now he's saying when we get stateside he wants a cat! Bah! Don't get me wrong, I love cats (and miss the 2 at home terribly) but I want a puppy damnit! Well, the brightside, at least he's a cat lover right?

First of all, I am slow in saying this, but CONGRATS on your book! You are my inspiration! looking foward to reading it...will I laugh a little, then cry a little, then laugh while crying and cry while laughing? If it's anything like your writing style on this blog, I know I'll love it. I'm so happy for you! woo WOOOOO!

Well, you gotta give yourself credit for being brave enough to date. I can't even get myself to do this. I've been to the movies a few times with a guy I like, but I don't know if he feels the same. I haven't put forth any effort to try and date others guys because, well, it's not fun. I thought something was wrong with me until I read "Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics," and then it made sense. Or it at least let me know I wasn't alone.

A real man would be cool with the cats as long as they aren't purring up against you two when you're doing the do, you know? Besides being obviously creepy, I believe it's illegal in several states...but let's get back on track.

If guys ask why women like cats here are some reasons: low maintenance, independant, doesn't take up a lot of space, loving yet not clingy, not requiring approval 24 hours a day, doesn't eat everything that isn't nailed down, cleans itself regularly...kind of like how men should be, eh?

You never know, though. Before he met my mom, my dad didn't care for cats. Now he's a crazy cat man and I think it's what helped him get through his heart attack and stroke.

Maybe you should carry a photo of a worm box and when they ask if you have kids, pull it out and say, "Yes...HUNDREDS! Their casting make my garden grow!" then tell them you're kidding and that you have cats instead.

...or if you get a negative reaction when you tell them about your cats, say "Why, what's the big deal?" and lick your fist and start cleaning behind your ears.

I know, I know- I'm a wealth of sage advice. Simply overflowing.

I stopped at two cats because of what the receptionist at the vet clinic reminded me that I am single. Two cats is OK because I can always say that I got the second one to keep the first company. Anything above two starts becoming a little suspect in most people's eyes.

I have lucked up and have dated guys who grew up in households that had cats. And there was usually a black cat that Natasha reminds them of. Of course, kind of creepy were the ones who would shower more attention on her than me.

I always say never trust a man who would treat a cat in a way that he wouldn't treat his mother.

Laurie,

Follow this link to see Bjork and her cat boyfriend live out their domestic drama in "Triumph of the Heart." Best cat scenes are at the beginning and end. Laughed myself silly!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReHaLl3a8rU

Im sure that someone else has already responded this way but I am way too lazy to read 151 comments. First off my animals are like my kids. I have always had animals I have not always had kids. I am married 12 years and waited 10 years before kids. Then one baby and two years later twins (why does God want to punish me?) Anyway I would always tell guys I had pets and they were my kids. So be proud cat mom, you are worth a very good and loving cat man and your cats need a good cat dad not someone that will just put up with them. Somebody that after a good night of luv'in will say "Come here guys, Come getin bed." That's what the 5 of you deserve and DON'T forget it.

Im sure that someone else has already responded this way but I am way too lazy to read 151 comments. First off my animals are like my kids. I have always had animals I have not always had kids. I am married 12 years and waited 10 years before kids. Then one baby and two years later twins (why does God want to punish me?) Anyway I would always tell guys I had pets and they were my kids. So be proud cat mom, you are worth a very good and loving cat man and your cats need a good cat dad not someone that will just put up with them. Somebody that after a good night of luv'in will say "Come here guys, Come getin bed." That's what the 5 of you deserve and DON'T forget it.

i am not a *cat person* (only because i'm allergic) ... but aside from that ... what would i do if i was on a date and asked all these questions, and "no, i'm not divorced! no one has wanted to marry me YET! and no, i don't have cats, but i do have fish!"
i think it sucks all the way around.
maybe women prefer cats because cats exude a certain independence. maybe men prefer dogs because of the roles in that relationship.
one of my favorite couples ... jackie & the hippie ... the hippie says, " i hate cats !" ... and two seconds later, he's loving the kitty. playing with the kitty. kissing the kitty.
hmmm ... i forgot where i was or where i was going ... hmmm ... my glass is empty.

I was so glad when I got to the end and you said "I don't care at all what some guy thinks about ALL MY cats." Good for you!!! When I met my present husband, it was kind of like, 'hi, I'm divorced with child', not exactly the first words out of my mouth, but you know... and he stuck around... that was over 13 years ago, and this year June 1 will be our 11th year wedding anniversary!! I say weed out the boys from the men right from the start. I had one cat when we met, now we have 5... and a dog...

BTW, love reading your blog every day!!! You rock.

You know, Laurie - I am sure someone else in all of your fifty-bajillion comments have said this, but you might even find a man that loves cats as much as you do. Seriously!!! I did. It took me a while, I was 34 when I married. And I daresay that he loves cats more than I do. Wow. They are out there!!!

erm...I currently have a house full o'fur and a kid, so talk about man repellent! I have 3 cats, which wouldn't be too bad, but I also have 3 dogs. Not muffiny cupcake pooches, but labs! I do have to say, the amount of grief the 6 animals cause me is considerably less than any boy issues I have had! Viva la fur!

I didn't have a cat when I got married but within six months of getting married I convinced my husband to get a cat. :)

Hey, your post and all the comments made me laugh - but it also made me feel less "crazy". You see, the thing about single women and cats really is universal. I live in Europe, in the total countryside - and it's just the same. So, I'm single and had four cats until autumn. In November a kitty suddenly appeared and I reluctantly adopted her (she just wouldn't go away, sigh). I felt like Lorelai in Gilmore Girls when after one of her break-ups a cat appears on her doorstep. ;-) My cats are very well taken care of, because, well.... 'our' vet is just the cutest you can imagine. McVet! He has seven cats, all of them adopted, and we agree that we both want a black dog. one day... But probably not together, though... sigh... Apart from calling me to ask how the cats are (after standard-vaccinations!) nothing ever happens. And this has been going on for 2 years now. big *sigh* from across the ocean. If I win the lottery I am so coming to NY on June 2nd! Mona

I know I am repeating myself, but when I was old enough to be interested in boys, my Grandma gave me the best man-advice I ever got in my life:

"Never trust men who hate cats. They have no respect for women, they will want run your life, and they're likely to be free with their fists." (that's "abusive" in old-school Southern speak)

"And never trust a man who hates dogs. He'll be completely untrustworthy, and a terrible father."

And you know what? Granny was right 99.999% of the time. I don't think her advice can ever be repeated enough. IT's TRUE.

My life working with animal shelters has taught me that people, male and female, who truly dislike animals are people who fear responsibility, who are jealous when they are not the center of attention, and who think of nothing but their own pleasure. They value material goods more than living things, and they often have untreated psychological problems. Steer clear of people who aren't "animal people."

(BTW, avoiding -- but not "hating" -- certain animals due to legitimate and serious allergies doesn't count).

My long-departed Isis (a rescued doberman) adored my then-boyfriend, who I later married. We both had animals, and that wasn't going to change for either of us. At present we have EIGHT cats and a small menagerie of reptiles and I don't give a flying rat's ass what anybody thinks. Because if you have eight cats and a bunch of snakes and lizards, people DO think you are weird, but if you have EIGHT KIDS, everybody tells you how blessed you are. Go figure.

So we have a menagerie and I knit my own socks and spin yarn and I am a professional animal services manager with a whole lot of pets and there will be at least one horse someday too, when we can afford to move to an appropriate place, and also some angora goats. And a llama.
So there. Pffft! Pow!

When I stop and ponder on it I feel a little guilty for draining the man pool of a cat person when I myself am a dog person. My in laws have SIX cats and my husband gets all warm and squishy when he sees a kitty, but I'm all about having a dog (or nine) who will rassle with you and not poop in a box in the house. We had a kitten briefly (for like, 2 weeks) but she somehow escaped from our 3rd floor apartment. I think she could sense my building indifference toward her.

MEN! Anyone dumb enough to use cats as a cover-up for their total and complete fear of relationships should be kicked to the litterbox!

Sobbing.. into my: (fritoes? Captain Crunch cereal?) Because I had written the most thoughtful, thought provoking, witty.. message and it's lost.. lost, lost, lost in space.. a true.. "WARNING! WARNING! WILL ROBINSON~" so,
I'm giving up.. I will try another day..

But trust me.. you might have been compelled to cross-stitch parts of it on a pillow or something..

A very belated congratulations on the book ... I've been reading and enjoying your blog and your writing talents since I innocently googled hat patterns and was led to your Easy Roll-Brim Hat recipe with Robert Mondavi Shiraz as a major ingredient! Like many, many others, I was hooked on CAP from that moment on.

I don't know - my last boyfriend liked my cats better than he liked me. Really. And as much as it sucks to deal with a guy who doesn't love your cats, it sucks more to break up with someone who says hello to the cats before he will talk to you and lavishes affection on the cats while you sit ignored. Sigh.

I love cats and dogs, both. My ideal man would have a dog, since I can't in my building. And somehow the cats and the dog would get along...

I myself do not have any cats, but sometimes wish I do. I actually have two, yes count them... TWO KIDS. It qualifies as much of a dating deterrent as cats, I'm afraid. I have twin 4 yr olds... so the speed at which most men run in the opposite direction is almost record breaking. I can see the fear of someone else's children... but cats? Come on now. Men can be so stupid.

You are right on the money. Let them know up front you have cats. I posted an ad online...I know spooky..but the picture I put on the ad had me and my cat. I figured if a guy didn't like cats then he wasn't for me. I met my husband through that ad. He wrote me that he loved cats and that he had two and that he thought my cat was beautiful.

Three and a half years later we are happily married and our family consists of his delightful two cats (6 and 4), his wonderful daughter (15) who likes to wear cat ears in public so she partially counts as a cat and my baby kitty (14).

Love only happens when people open up and are real. I didn't find the other half of my heart until I learned that. You, kiddo, are real. I have no doubts that love will find you.

Also the way someone drives while you are the passenger is how he/she will treat you in life. Sandra Bullock told me that a long a time ago and I've found it to be quite accurate.

Laurie, I saw some Paton's Upcountry for sale at an internet store, and I thought of you. It is $3.99, and is only available in khaki, soft cream, deep oak, charcoal, and deep steel blue. Are you currently on the "don't buy anything" policy? I am very tempted, myself. In spite of my family's eternal don't buy anything policy. Even though I've never seen it in person, since you say it is the perfect yarn, and it is discontinued... Let me know if you want the store info.

Me again. I told Frank what you said about online dating and the reaction you got and he said - and I quote:

"Tell her she's very pretty - there's nothing wrong with her. Some guys have unrealistic expectations about dating, and some guys are so insecure they'll look for flaws in a woman and reject her before she can reject them."

SO THERE! Straight from a REAL man.

And no, I don't get jealous when he says other women are pretty because he's just stating a readily observed fact. And besides, my ex- never commented on women being pretty and well, he was kind of a dud in the bedroom if you know what I mean, and I'm sure you do.

Um, Hi, Purl's Dad! Nothing to see here! Just talking about knitting!

*
LOOOOVvvEEEE your cats.

*

I own two cats and just discovered that I am allergic to them (dogs too but not my rabbits, yay). The allergist was such a jerk about my cats and asked all sorts of stupid questions like "can they live outside?" "can you get rid of them?". Hello, no. But the worst insult was when my mother-in-law said the same stuff! Grrrrrr. Anyway, I'm also allergic to dust and the outdoors so what do two little cats matter in the long run.

Laurie,

A friend of mine, who loves dogs and cats (and who is also an amazing Southern lady with a gift for storytelling, much like yourself) told me this recently:
"I took a cross country trip with my dog recently, and I liked him better than the last man I travelled with. My dog never gets crabby, doesn't backseat drive me, and I never have to wash his socks."

Also, many congratulations on your book; I'm looking forward to reading it.

Laurie, have you seen the Cat Lady action figure? Also, how did your cats, especially Sobakowa, come by their names?

My recent ex boyfriend told me while we were breaking up that he felt sorry for me. Why? Because, he said, I'd never meet anyone who would want to date a 30-something woman with 3 cats. Thanks. Thanks for confirming that I should in fact have left you months before.

So, now, I'm dating again and trying to decide how to deal with the cat issue. A few possible responses:

Half-truth:
I'm a dog person trapped in a cat person's lifestyle.

Weird/defensive:
I have 3 cats but I'm an aspiring cat hoarder and hope to collect hundreds more.

Hippie-ish:
I don't seek out cats. They find me and I take them in.

Dark:
I have three cats but one of them is really old and will probably have to be put down soon.

If You Never Want to See the Guy Again:
Cats are my life!I get up every morning at 5 a.m. to make them breakfast and I can't travel because I don't like to leave them overnight.

Can't think of any others at the moment but I will try these out and let you know which is the most effective.

Double-post, I know, but this is good. Mentioned the cat issue to a middle-aged, single male friend I ran into at the grocery this morning. He is a cat person and finds it a good conversational icebreaker with most women. He pointed out:

"Once in a while a lady tells me she's allergic to cats, and she seems disappointed. But a woman has never told me she hates cats, or that I was "undatable" because of pets."

Then he went on to say, "Some guys have this idea that a woman they are dating is supposed to be instantaneously available 24 hours a day. If she has anything to take care of -- pets or kids -- it destroys the sexual fantasy. You never see a Playmate with a pet. Or a kid. Also, some guys can't stand it when women baby-talk to their kids or their pets -- again, the cuteness ruins the sex fantasy."

He has a wicked sense of mischief, so he also added, "Your friend should call all those guys in the paper who say, "NO DAMN CATS," and she should say, 'Hey, I'm an exotic dancer, and I saw your ad ....oh, darn, you hate cats. Too bad. Guess you're not getting laid tonight."

My psycho XH seemed to love animals - but after many years I came to realize he dislikes other people, especially women and children and/or people he can't control. So the catness gauge isn't foolproof. Drew is onto something about the driving. My X had really scary road rage.

I, too, was once a divorced woman with four cats . . . then I met John. We are now married, and we have twelve cats, plus a few that just come by for the occasional midnight snack. (Plus William, the sheep whom John bought to be lamb chops and is still with us, two years later; a small herd of goats, including brothers named for Frank and Jesse James; and miscellaneous poultry.)

When I was dating, I told one or two men who objected to the cats that I'd known them (the cats) longer and liked them better.

When my mother met John, the first thing she asked me afterward was, "How do your cats like him?"

(Oh . . . we met online, too. Part of my profile said, "And my cats are non-negotiable.")

5 of the current 7 felines in the Catty house were brought in by the CatMan. But he says we can't own a dog until we own a house. *sigh*

I've always had animals in my life, lots of animals. I consider them beloved family members and so does my husband of 37 years. One time though, another guy asked my husband why he 'put up with' my animals, why didn't he give me an ultimatum like "the animals or me". My husband answered "How dumb do you think I am?".

Hah! Bob looks as though he has just been set up at a really scary press conference without a script! Good single cat guys are absolutely out there. I have a co-worker who got one tabby (Spazz) and in order to keep her company while he was gone, got a second (Doofus). He adores them, sends pictures, and tells many funny stories. If one of them is sick or needs help, he is out of his mind with worry. My dad was a total cat softie, and my son"s best friend has two cats. Son and friend think the cats are hilarious. Son wants one at home--sadly, he is allergic. But deep down, he is still a Catman. You will find a suitable guy who thinks cats are great.

Did you notice how casually Drew dropped Sandra Bullock's name?

I've only got one, but I so totally use that. Kitty litmus!

I'm doing online dating right now. I totally would have answered your ad! Are you sure we can't lure you back? :)

Laurie,

I've found that telling a guy that you have a dog (i.e a chihuahua) that happens to be the size of a cat stimulates the same gag reflex.

Something about small cuddly domesticated animals just screams "needy" and it's not a sexy thing.

I have two cats and I refuse to date any man who doesn't like cats. I cannot live w/o cats. Ever. It's a package deal. And I want more. I want a whole cat ranch damnit.

I feel so much better, I was on my way to being a crazy cat lady...I used to say my extra 2 kitties were my ex's (one of them actually was- I took him out of spite), and then went and got a Great Dane puppy to even it out. That fixes the crazy right? A huge dog to cause them to overlook the 3 kitties.....???

You should never have to explain your cats. Do not be ashamed of them

i refuse to date guys who dislike cats, also. i was amazed to find out how many guys around here think it's ok to shoot, torture or run-down innocent kitties.
i also refuse to date anyone who my kitties don't like, either. personally, id rather have my cats than a man anyday!

how can anyone not like cats? what is wrong with them?!

Laurie, I know what you mean even though I don't have any cats. I do have an 80 lb. Weimaraner named Daisy and she does sleep with me - and under the covers. It certainly does weed out the non-dog men.

LauraP

Amen. I have three cats, and my mother told me when I was still single that I would probably have to get rid of some of the cats if I was going to attract a man. And I was like--you CANNOT be serious! I love my kitties who have seen me through some rough times and offered some unconditional support. And any man who doesn't love them too can take a hike. And you know, my boyfriend and I have been living together for four years, and as far as I can tell, he loves the kitties, too. So yeah--it's a test they should pass before you let them into the house.

Okay, first off, I'm probably going to be single forever, so maybe I'm not the best one for advice.

And I don't have any cats either. Or children.

But I do knit. And I do like books. And I do still keep a childhood stuffed toy (or, ahem, 30) around.

And you know? If I were dating a guy and the choice came down to jettisoning half my books or him, I'd be like, "Well, nice knowing you, dude."

Or if he thought it was peculiar and "old ladyish" that I knit - well, he'd either have to learn to deal with it or be gone.

I've made it 38 years on this earth with my quirks and my hobbies and my strange interests. I have a pretty happy life. My attitude is, if someone comes to me and says, "You're perfect! Now change!" he's not the guy for me.

Oh, I know, women do that too, to men. It just seems like it's one of those twisted little horrible things about the dating life - that you're expected to portray your Best Self Ever and hide all the "junk" (which is what really makes you YOU). And then, once the deal has been sealed in whatever way or fashion, you have to slowly try to sneak those quirks back into your life and hope the other person can learn to love them.

And that's just more effort than I'm willing to go to. So I'm all, "Here I am in all my weirdness." If I'm lucky enough to find a guy who says, "I embrace that weirdness and want more of it," fine. If not...well, regardless of what the Discovery Channel said on their stupid Life-Lesson ad, it is NOT more embarrassing being the Crazy Cat Lady than dating is.

Courtney ... animal cruelty is a crime in every state. If you have any proof, you can report people who shoot or torture any animal to the authorities -- but be sure to call Animal Conrol, the Sheriff's department or other law enforcement. Most humane societites/adoption agencies have no law enforcement power, unless they have been contracted vy the county or town to do Animal Control work. You don't have to just sit and be horrified, you can do something about these lunatics. Good luck.

Wow. I get like 1 comment every couple of weeks on my blog. Heh. Your cats are really cute though. "Deacon" (my cat) would be so jealous of all the publicity your cats are receiving. Sorry about your divorce. It is a toughy. I've been through it myself. Blessings to you.

I worship Sobakowa and want to be just like her when I grow up.

I wonder if you'd get bad reactions with four dogs? Maybe it would depend upon the type of