Forget that Atkins diet. I know so many people that have fallen off of that wagon, there's no point in trying it. Just do what you do best, Aunt Purl.

I think you're doing a great job. Just keep trusting yourself, that's always the best way to do things!

I think it is scary to not diet after dieting for so long. As much self-control as it takes to remain on a diet, dieting is also very much about relinquishing control. When you are on a strict diet, you don't have to make your own decisions about what to eat, it's all prescribed for you. Not dieting, choosing to eat heathily on your own, leaves with so many more options--one of which is definitely a piece of fresh bread when it presents itself! But it is scary to be the one responsible for what you put in yourself, especially if you haven't been for so long.

Now, I am inspired to go eat my lunch with a refilled water bottle, not the soda I've been craving. Responsible!

Laurie, his disapproval over your having a piece of bread and butter was his disapproval, let him keep it. You are living your life as you should, through moderation. Stick to your guns! Just think what Soba would do.

Seriously, you are so honest and inspiring. I just read this and IMed a friend and told her I love you. You bring it all out there on the screen, what we all feel, and then show us how we can make it to a better place. All Hail Aunt Purl. :D

Laurie, I just love you! I love the way you write about life!

You are awesome.

Kitty and Moss were the Golden Coupla of the 50's & 60's.

I'm old enuf to remember.....

Kitty and Moss were the Golden Couple of the 50's & 60's.

I'm old enuf to remember.....

You've come so far! He isn't there yet, your friend. Don't let him pull you backward. It's hard, but you're doing great.

"I don't know if the years of dieting made me think I couldn't pick healthy, nutritious foods, or if all that time of hating the diets made me specifically rebel and pick deliberately bad food."

I swear, Laurie, it's like you looked in my brain with that sentence. I just went on Weight Watchers recently just to learn how to eat again. I'm not following it super-strictly, because I'm trying not to "diet" but have a "lifestyle change." I just needed to be reminded which foods are more healthy than others after years of diets and binges.

Hurray for eating that bread, and knowing that you can eat what you want for whatever reason you choose, and that one piece of bread won't "ruin" anything.

Barbara Walters on the view said that Kitty, every night before going to bed, looked in the mirror and said "Kitty, I forgive you." Do that.

I also have dieted forever and really don't know if I am capable of eating like a normal human being. ANd, please, to hell with all the damn diet police.
And, may I say that the Dove women on the commercials make me not feel so awful about myself. I really study them, and find them all so beautiful, and makes me not feel so crappy about my chub.
You rock Laurie and tell me diet policeman to hush his damn mouth.

I think you're right - That's exactly what Kitty would do.
Now we just need to knit up some opera length gloves - imagine the stockinette roundishness of it!

"I don't know if the years of dieting made me think I couldn't pick healthy, nutritious foods, or if all that time of hating the diets made me specifically rebel and pick deliberately bad food."

"Out of spite and five-year-oldishness, I wanted to eat the whole damn loaf of bread."

Ohhhhhhh, this is sooooooooo me. I'm in the same boat with you - nagivating the food waters without a "diet life preserver" and worrying that I may drown. On the other hand, I don't want some lunch date or "friend" or busybody trying to throw me a line.

I guess I'm 5-year-old treading water.

mmm...warm bread and butter.

I hate it so much when people comment on what you should or should not eat, like it's their business! Oh man, that part of your story really set me off; I've been there so many times.

I'm so glad you ignored his disapproval.

Kisses.

The bread remark so brings back when my dad laughed at me (a mini-chub to be with an outrageously negative image/sense of myself) for thinking the serving plate was my plate. We never ever had enough food anyway, so that was a topper...I can get sick thinking about it.

This is the year I'm done with 'diets', I am doing the hardest thing until it becomes easy - choosing and being alive. I can't live in the kaleidoscope of tomorrow and skinnier - all those things you wrote so well.

Wow...awesome post again. And, I loved Kitty Carlisle - the epitome of suave glamour and poise.

Such a brilliant post. I would have laid the smackdown on any "friend" who presumed to tell me what to eat or what not to eat. But I can still hear my mother's voice in my head, and I eat the whole loaf in spite of HER.
Now I want some sourdough.

I appreciate your honesty about the perils of dieting! I've been 'non-dieting' myself for the past 7 years...and I think you'll find it to be one of the best lifestyle choices you'll ever make. I've encouraged many of my friends to non-diet (aka...make lifestyle choices and changes...not jump on some fad). Exercise, healthy eating...and an occasional piece of chocolate cake are the best way to live your life. :o) Kudos to you...and best of luck on your new lifestyle.

Seems to me that WWKCD? is a damned fine way to live if you're in the mood for a mantra.

And your dining companion is lucky you didn't shove that loaf of sourdough up his bum. Of course, you ARE Southern, and that WOULD have been a waste of a fine sourdough...

I lost 50 pounds about 15 years ago. It's all back because I "followed the diet" instead of doing the smart thing - like you're doing - learning how to adjust ME to keep all things in moderation. You're doing it the right way, Laurie. As somebody said above think about WWSD (what would Soba do?)and proceed on the correct path for you!

Good for you. You are so right about Kitty.

(So is Barbara Walters, BTW - at least, Kitty told me the same thing about the nightly mirror ritual. She also used to say, whenever she heard something really funny: "When I am on my deathbed I want you to tell me that one again, so I can go laughing into the next life." I'm sorry I didn't get to do it, but I bet somebody did - I hope so.)

I bet she would have loved you for your hard-won no-bullshit down-to-earth-ness. And for your funniness. And she would TOTALLY have eaten the potato, and enjoyed it like crazy.

Tribute to her on my blog at http://www.tsocktsarina.com/blog/?p=86 - she was a good friend and a fabulous dame.

Trust and forgive yourself.
Two thngs to remember to do everyday.

I would have been mad, too. It's tough when a friend says something with the best intentions and they don't understand how it impacts you. And then you sit there, knowing they didn't mean it, but mad at the same time. You rock for how you handle yourself.

I'm soooooo happy you talked about Kitty - I loved, loved , loved her. When I was little I would watch To tell the Truth with my parents just to see what she was wearing. I wanted to be just like her, say the right thing at the right time, look gorgeous with a permanant genuine dazzling smile, know the right people and wear all those gorgeous gowns!!! Later in life I grew to love her for her contributions to the arts. So sad to lose such a truly exquisite women.

I am so happy to hear that you are making peace with food. I seem to constantly hear women justifying their food consumption...it is so sad that they have been trained to believe that they have to explain why they are eating (i.e. "I skipped breakfast", so it's implied that it is therefore OK for them to eat lunch).

Here are some of my hard-won food thoughts:
1. food is not the enemy
2. carbs are not evil
3. all foods in moderation
4. your body needs fuel, just try to make more good choices than bad choices
5. all plant based foods bring a lot to the table (snicker) - even starchy ones like corn have some compounds that are very heathful. very cool website with more info is http://www.whfoods.com/
6. your body will tell you what it needs...if you feel so much better having a few carbs, that is the only proof you need! So go for those potatoes!

Kitty was 96 and I read an articla about her just last month I think in Vanity Fair. She was out doing her night club act. Singing and all that! She looked terrifci and I was shocked at her passing. I raise my glass of champagne to her! And the elegance of her life!

One more thought then I promise I will sign off: I forgot to mention that I just loved Kitty, too. I am old enough to remember watching that show and wishing I could be as glamorous as she was...did you notice how dressed up the women are in the picture? They practically wore evening gowns to be on the show...compare that to today...yikes!

I remember watching To Tell the Truth in the 1950's and remember Kitty fondly as well, but I really wanted to look just like Polly Bergen. Funny how those so sophisticated and witty NYers appealed to us rubes, me from a tiny town in rural Pennsylvania.

Kitty was 96 and I read an article about her just last month I think in Vanity Fair. She was out doing her night club act. Singing and all that! She looked terrifci and I was shocked at her passing. I raise my glass of champagne to her! And the elegance of her life!

Not for nothin', but your friend was having a real jackass moment to say that stuff to you. Yeesh.

I know you will keep the spirit of Kitty Carlisle alive. I am sorry for you loosing such a great mentor and icon in your life, But do your thing to keep her alive in all of us. While we franticly look for this weeks pet food that is safe to feed the pets we got when we trading in the husband. AUnt Purl you are a inspiration to many. Love your writing. :-)
By the way check out the new handmade site to oogle over beautiful things this is where I go when you don't write.
LOV.LI it is new and fun

Re: Kitty
I met her daughter a few years ago ( she goes to the same gym as my brother and his partner) and is about as un- Kitty like as you can imagine looks-wise No make-up, a baseball cap and teva's (she has a beach house in the same town my family does), but was so well spoken and effortlessly classy.

Atkins left me at the altar. You know how you're supposed to freeze the top layer of your wedding cake and eat it on your first anniversary? Well, when the bride is Kristen, don't tell her where that entire top layer is being frozen.

When I was single, Atkins worked great for me. I might have stayed on it if I hadn't gotten married to a guy who ate potato chips and put sugar in his coffee. When I was alone, that stuff never came into the house, so I didn't have to worry about it. :(

Ah, well. Turkey bacon's good.

Laurie:

First, thank you for being so honest. It is never easy to reveal our inner thoughts sometimes. You are a far better person than some of us.

Second, your male friend.....he should have kept his opinion to himself. Always remember, no one owns you and therefore, you are free to make whatever choices you wish, as long as you are okay with the consequences. If he is actually a friend, he wouldn't have been so critical.

I understand the life after divorce, being a veteran myself. I was married for 17, yes 17 long years, and have been divorced for 9 this December. I have someone new in my life that helps keep me healthy and happy. One thing that I have learned about myself and food is that I don't need a diet, I need an eating program.

I have learned that my over 40 body needs the carbs in the AM and that I need less at night. I eat as healthy as I possibly can without depriving myself too much. If I want chocolate cake, I have it and then I make sure that I walk a few more flights of stairs in the garage or part a little further from the door of the store next time to help me. I am not yet to the weight that I want, but daily I work on towards that goal.

Keep up the good thoughts and remember that you are strong.

And yes, Kitty was right, always forgive yourself and get up fresh. And yes, perhaps we all need that perfect shade of lipstick and a set of knitted opera length gloves.

Diet Police should all just mind their own business! I sooo relate to your story! I have been on and off a diet since 1978. I have ridden the roller coaster of weight since then and know how hard it is to change your "lifestyle" and live healthy. Everything in moderation is the ONLY way it works. We must have some carbs in our life. My alter ego bitch comes out if I don't! And trust me it ain't pretty when SHE comes out. I am so glad you stuck to your guns and ate that bread with butter! My Mom has been on my case for years now. Kelli, that peice of cake is going to go right to your hips or take that out of your mouth. It will just make you even fatter! UGHHHH....I love my Mom but she has always been thin. Keep up the awesome work! You are beautiful! I wish I could meet you someday. You would be so grrat to know!

I LOVED Kitty. She was gorgeous and put in their place! LOL :)

The minute you tell yourself you can't have something, that's when you're gonna want it.

I never discuss my diet with other people. The food police are always there.

Balance is definitely the key, and you've made peace with yourself.

OMG that male friend needs a whack upside the head! Ooooh! That just rattles my inner feminazi.

I can't imagine what kind of bubble he lives in where he actually thinks he has every right to say such a thing? What a paternalistic schmuck!

How fabulous! Kitty would be proud.

I will raise my skinny latte towards the west with a toast while I gather with my stiching group tonight. Yay Thursdays!

I loved Kitty Carlisle. The gowns she wore were divine. My mother would always snort and make some remark about being over-dressed for a game show but I adored her. I can still see her sweeping her skirts. And those opera gloves! When I was six my mother gave me an old pair of her long gloves and a neglige. I did the best imitations of Kitty's "sweeping" that I possibly could.

RIP Kitty Carlisle, the queen of elegance.

Act One is a fabulous book for a Kitty fan. Her husband's autobiography really makes the era come alive.

Your friend is your friend, I guess, but WHO THE EFFING EFF IS HE to tell you not to eat bread?!?!

I mean, that's the kind of BS I'm sick of putting up with as a bigger-than-I-guess-the-world-wants-me-to-be woman.

What does he know? That could have been your only meal of the day. That could have been the only time that week you ate bread. And even if none of those things were true, he had NO RIGHT to treat you like a kid.

I mean - if you're actually ON a diet, and you have a friend who you've told to pick at you in order to "keep you honest," okay then.

But, grr. If someone said that to me he'd probably find the whole loaf of bread (minus the one slice I was gonna eat) stuffed up his nose.

Dear Aunt Purl -

You go, grrrl.

Now please post some kitty pics.

thanks & hugs.

Girl, you're doing fine! But the sooner you escape from L.A., the better off you'll be. That place is total unreality for us Southern Girls! Still, you're more together in your 30's than lots of folks are in their 50s and beyond. Ease up and enjoy life when you can and in your own way.

The first time my husband left me (last year) my grandmother said "It's because you're too fat". Gee, thanks. (The fact that he's having a mid-life crisis and needs "his space" didn't seem to enter the equation; in fact my husband told me he still loved me and that my weight had nothing to do with it). Still, it stung and made me feel worse. I know I need to lose weight, I don't need my grandmom harping on it. It just makes me want to eat MORE. I am more than just my weight. What's inside is just as important. Maybe more so.

I can remember once going to McD's for breakfast (did that every morning when I was working for a telemarketing company) and I'd always get the hotcakes and bacon and sometimes a sausage biscuit along with a Dr. Pepper to drink.

One morning, they had a new cashier taking my order, and when I asked for extra butter for my hotcakes, she looked at me, and said something about how I shouldnt eat so much butter and that it was bad for me.

Now, even tho what she said was probably true, she had no effing business telling me that. It was seriously rude, and I let her know that, and in a fit of sucky customer-ishness, I told her manager that.

When people comment on what they consider to be a bad food choice of yours, it's probably the height of rudeness. They think they're helping you, but they're only showing that they're thoughtless morons, rude, and probably jealous that you're eating bread with real butter while they're picking away at their rabbit food.

Eat your bread and butter...it's food, it's good for you, and as long as you're not picking up the entire loaf and dipping it into a soup bowl of melted garlic butter and chomping it down like Cookie Monster used to do with his cookies you're just fine. (can you believe, Cookie Monster doesnt pig out on cookies anymore? Damn diet police...leave Cookie Monster and his beloved cookies alone!!)

You go girl! Your "not diet" is an inspiration to me ever since I read about it in an earlier post. Seriously! I've been dieting as long as I can remember and you know what.....I DON'T WANT TO ANYMORE! Thank you for having great thoughts:)

Oh no. Your lunch "date" reminds me of my ex-mother-in-law, and in fact, my ex's entire family. Every meal, every morsel one puts in one's mouth, is discussed, debated, agonized over.

It's a compulsion with them. They truly cannot enjoy eating ANYTHING! It's sick.

Good for you, eating the bread. Shows you are not listening to the voices telling you you don't know what you're doing.

I'm working on that in my life too.

Congratulations on your diplomacy when dealing with your friend, I would have told him to go fuck himself.

I'm friendly like that.

my mother was a "Kitty Carlisle" type. She died at 53 from a massive coronary. (I was 23) All my adult life I have lived under the heavy curtain of "family history - heart disease" About 5 years ago I decided I was sick of worrying about "killer foods". I started cooking everything I eat. Elminating processed foods opened up a whole new world for me. Like you, I now eat (and love it) things in moderation (yes, even butter and bacon...things that make your heart go thud)and I know my limits.
I turn 50 in August. Life is waaaaay to short to live without wonderful food.
I am proud that you didn't put that bread back. It would have been hard for me to keep my mouth shut like you did, but that seems to be a part of getting older, you say (more and more) of what you want to.

You go girl! Way to inspire the rest of us :)

Come to think of it, Soba would have probably eaten ALL the bread, the bad mannered friend, and a few of the other diners just for good measure.
Cheers to a well deserved piece of bread and butter!

I forgot to mention...if you want to see a really good movie that Kitty was in, rent "A Night At The Opera", starring the Marx Brothers. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0026778/

I'm only in my mid-to-late-30's, but I was lucky enough to develop a serious love and appreciation for old movies...and the Marx Brothers are some of my favorites. That, and Charlie Chaplin silent movies...and Buster Keaton silent movies...and Harold Lloyd silent movies...and just about any movie with Jimmy Cagney in it.

For a list of movies that Kitty was in, check the Internet Movie Database (IMDb) http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0137634/

At the risk of being thwacked over the head with some sourdough, I will come to the defense of your friend. I'm sure he was just trying to be a friend to a woman and talk woman-talk. And what women talk about INCESSANTLY is dieting, their thighs, working out, (or not) food, and "being good" (or not). It drives me BONKERS. So I think some men just do this to connect with women. And women do it to connect with other women. So ladies, it's our own damn fault. Now, let's try to all DWKCWD and talk about interesting, important things: politics, the arts, and of course, knitting!

Don't get me wrong, Laurie, I think your post was great. And your indignation justified. I just think we should all recognize our own role in the negative food/body culture that we live in and take responsibility for that.

Your friend reminds me of my little sister. She lives in TX I'm in NJ. She will call on purpose when I'm supposed to be at the gym. If I pick up she questions me as to why I'm not at the gym, and why I need to go. Needless to say I never pick up the phone If I'm not at the gym when I'm supposed to be. And I yelled at my Mom for even telling her I joined a gym, because I knew that would happen. Anyway, I know how you feel.

Hi. Remember me? No? Oh well. Sometimes *I* don't remember me. I had NEVER dieted in my life. When I was younger I was active and kept a reasonable size, never was "super thin" but I was in color guard in highschool and when I look back, I was healthy. I got older, less active had kids... blah blah blah.... My first divorce threw me into a workaholic depression where I worked 40+ hours at one job and 20 hours at another each week, slept on the couch of friends and without thinking about wound up in a respectable size again. Then... I found love again, and slowly the weight crept back on. And another kid and more weight. *sigh* That relationship (marriage #2) faded away. And for the first time in my life I was living as the only adult in a household. I did Atkins. I loved Atkins.... just me and the kiddo and we ate well. Now, in my 3rd (and last, I will never do it again) marriage, I'm heavier than I have ever been. Atkin's went by the wayside when I remarried, he is allergic to nearly all the atkins non meat staples, eggs, milk, nuts.... it was too much to do separate meals. But my health is bad, the weight is killing me. No, really I think it is. I've felt like I was dying for months now. And I am going back. No hardcore induction for now, for now, just rediscovering the foods I used to make, I need to know they are there before I let go of my carbs.... And I don't want to "tell people" cause I know about the looks and the "oh, can you eat that on your DIET?"

(sorry for hijacking Laurie.... guess I needed to vent, share, whatever... LOL)

Risha, your current situation described me to a "T" right as my divorce was final and I was fat, really fat, and I knew I had to get control somehow I I thought, maybe please Atkins magic, can you work for me again?

I know exactly that spot and I love you.

Sometimes that's why letting go of dieting scares me in so many ways, that there is not magic bullet left, that today I can't go nosedive into an Arby's bag because tomorrow there will be no diet to save me. I'm not sure I have any answers or anything, just wanted to say I feel you, I understand, Lord do I.

It's so weird, all of this. Although I do feel better knowing ya'll don't think I'm such a freakazoid for admitting it!!

You are so inspiring.

AMEN.

laurie, you say the things i think so much better than i do. go you.

And Kitty would have much better manners than to tell people what they shouldn't eat! One slice with butter tastes oh, so good. And it's not the carbs that make you fat--it's the quantity. Like you said: moderation.

Laurie~

Yeah for you! 1) For sticking to your 'lifestyle change not diet change' guns, 2) For showing that man high moral restraint of not stabbing him with a fork when he made that remark. He is probably unaware of how grateful he should be.

Keep up the good work and eat carbs now and again - they are what fuel your brain.

~Laura

Everything I've read about Atkins tells me 1) it's a totally unnatural way to eat -- it deliberatly mucks with your body chemistry 2) it doesn't work over the long term, because no one can eat that way over the long term 3) who died and left him the food police?

OK, maybe that third one isn't specifically about Atkins. But yay you! All these things you get to decide, and you turn out to be a perfectly competent decision-making adult. (Imagine, a woman using her own brain to decide about her own body. The San Fernando Valley: where you are Laurie and men are nervous.)

I myself am on a diet that has nothing to do with weight loss but with, er, plumbing issues. The restrictions are slightly weird: I am allowed to have ice cream, for example, but not tomatoes. Rice, yes, potatoes, no. Sadly, no chocolate, coffee, tea, or cheese (except cream or cottage, which I consume by the truckload). All I can say is it had better work.

Food is to be enjoyed. So enjoy your bread and butter. And it's true, everything in moderation. So have that champagne instead of that Diet Coke.

Keep being your brave self.

Okay, I'm going to guess that your "friend" (because he wasn't acting like one) is on a diet himself (based on his having a salad and presumably not eating the bread)? If so, then he's just projecting his anxiety about his own weight issues on to you. Forgive him (but don't let him get away with it again).
If not, lose him!!! No one, NO ONE needs that kind of friend. Or boyfriend, or husband, or whatever. We are supposed to love the people in our lives for who they are, not what size they wear, and we are supposed to accept the people we care about as they are, not as we think they should be. If he feels the need to monitor your weight, either for your friendship, or out of some misguided attempt to "help" you with other guys, then his priorties are way out of wack. You can do better.

Risha et al -- the concept of not having a wagon to fall from seems very apropos here. it's so weird setting ourselves up for disappointment, or being hard on ourselves for "slipping up". we can make good choices without it being all or nothing.

"Everything in moderation."

I'll bet Kitty would have said that, too.

Way to go, Laurie.

Laurie, you are so great. I remember the guilt and shame I felt when I was put on my first diet (Weight Watchers) by a parent who shall go unnamed WHEN I WAS 10 YEARS OLD! Is that strictly a southern-guilt-shame-Tennesee-Williams thing? (I grew up in the deep south, too) I really appreciate you voicing your thoughts, especially the anger when your friend warned you about the bread! My reaction exactly -- stuff the WHOLE LOAF into my mouth just to spite him! How are your cats?

Oh Laurie,
I'm with you on ALL counts! After years of illness, I'm finally able to eat normal foods- and I'm scrabbling to get back to the eating habits that made me thin and healthy before the illness happened. Diets didn't work for me-i just got bored at meetings and hated wasting time counting up "points". But when I simply exercised regularly and kept a healthy lifestyle and didn't stuff myself at every meal- hey, I looked GOOD and felt great!
And I LOVE the old late-night re-runs of Kitty in game shows- it all looked so cool when Kitty and the Rat pack "owned" nightclubs and Vegas- but now it's just like a sleazy six-flags park with booze.
(sigh- and now I guess I'll just shake my cane and yell at some kids to get the hell off my lawn...)
P.S. Risha check out www.naet.com- it helped my food allergies a LOT!

Kitty was the keynote speaker at my college graduation in 1982 - how cool is that?

Everytime I hear of a comment like the one your friend made, I think "would he ever say something like that to another man?" To me it's just patronizing and condescending. Like when strange men tell you to "smile" when you walk by - one day I'm going to tell them my mother just died

You have arrived in today, with your diet-stop. Diets are like living for tomorrow, sometimes reaching the goal, sometimes not. But why would one want to live for tomorrow, when we actually live today?

Diets are self-deception, leading us only to believe that tomorrow everything would be better, including us. That way, we are always chasing after something that can't really be reached because when the diet ends we are left with nothing, no plan, no brain, no logic. Basically we all know what we should eat and what we shouldn't, what's healthy for our body and what's healthy for our soul. What keeps us from using this knowledge?

I bet it wasn't a look of disapproval but a look of jealousy. He wanted the bread and butter himself. You are amazing, Laurie, and I'm so happy you could enjoy that one thing with your yummy salad, and just let it be. Maybe he's a nice person, but it's a pretty small person who will say something like that. Diets suck. Real food is fabulous! And I would kill for a piece of real bread! But after a year of having to change my diet entirely because of new allergies to wheat and dairy, now I just know that if I eat things that make me feel good, I'm healthy. Or vice versa. Somehow, brown rice has become my friend. Almost as yummy to me now as that baked potato. (god I love baked potatoes....)

Oh, and by the way? I love love love fresh bread (if it's good), with some butter on top, melting... mmmh!

In our house, we eat butter. We have "healthy" margarine, which we use when making grilled cheese sandwiches (because margarine is already soft when you pull it out of the oven, and really, grilled cheese is what happens when you're in a hurry). But for spreading on bread, we use butter. They said it was bad, then they said it was good. We'll just stick with the real stuff from now on. It tastes better, and we use it in moderation.

"So ladies, it's our own damn fault."

Susie, do you realize what you just did? You took one specific man's very specific and un-asked-for behaviour, and you made it into women's fault. I call bullsh*t. It's not my fault. It's not Aunt Purl's fault. It's not my sister's fault. You know what? It was his decision. It was HIS fault.

I also call "I don't think so" on the idea that he was "just trying to be a friend to a woman and talk woman-talk." Aunt Purl wasn't talking about her weight or her thighs. Yeah, you're right, some men DO talk about food that way around women, and at least 99% of the time, it's in an attempt to control the behaviour of the women.

A man doesn't have to behave in some weird jerky disapproving way in order to "be a friend to a woman." All he has to do is ... be a friend.

I accidentally posted as "anonymous" above, my bad. And apparently all my impassioned boldings and italicses went buh-bye, as well.

D'oh.

OK, you *must* be reading Geneen Roth. I really believe in her but haven't been able to commit to it yet.

laurie, i swear to god, allah, and all the powers that be... you're my twin.

I've been meaning to write you for a while, so with today's post, I decided I have to stop what I'm doing and write you. There is a radio station in DC with the call letters WTOP. One of the announcers decided to lose 50 pounds in one year, but instead of going on a diet, he enlisted the help of a Doctor. To make a long story short, the year is almost up, he has lost almost all the weight, and he has done it much the way you have. Eating and exercising in a sensible, healthy manner. The Doctor he has worked with said something the other day that I thought you would appreciate. It was something along the lines of "My goal is to help people be fit, and healthy. Not skinny. I know plenty of skinny people who are not healthy." So Purlie Hon, hang in there. You are doing the right thing, and you were very gracious and Kitty-Like to ignore your friend's boorish lapse of manners. But the next time he does that, I suggest you send Soba after him....

PS My Swedish grandfather used to always say "Everything in moderation" and he practiced that all his 96 years of a very active life. He was still climbing up on the roof of his 3-story Victorian (and SCARING all the neighbors) well into his 80's.... :-)

Atkins - oh, boy! I've had lots of people tell me either they themselves or someone they know has tried it and miserably failed, plus they went temporarily insane in the bargain! One of my coworkers tried Atkins a couple years ago. For the first three months, she bragged incessantly about how she didn't even crave carbs anymore and looked down her nose at anyone who was "weak" enough to scarf down a bag of chips or a candy bar. Then one day, as we were getting ready to leave work, I pulled some groceries I'd bought at lunchtime out of the fridge and started putting them in bags to take home. My coworker spotted a loaf of bread peeking out of one of the bags. "You have bread?" she said. "Why didn't you tell me you have bread?" Puzzled, I said, "I did my grocery shopping at lunchtime; this is for home. I haven't opened it, or I would have offered you some, I mean, if you really wanted it." With venom in her eyes, my coworker said accusingly, "You didn't TELL me you have bread because you didn't want me to HAVE any." Okay, this was getting weird. I said, "Um, aren't you on Atkins? You can't have bread anyway, right?" Instantly enraged now, my coworker shrieked, "I CAN HAVE ANYTHING I WANT!!!" and stormed off. I had just witnessed a grown adult human being go f-ing insane - over a loaf of bread! I later read that the human brain is fueled solely by carbs and asked my doctor about it. He said the body can produce its own carbs even if you only eat protein. But I still wonder. What if there aren't enough sometimes and your brain just starts to go whacko???

And remember the food pyramid? As I recall, the "grains" were pretty far down, meaning you should have more of them than meats and other proteins or even vegetables and fruit. And the very tippy top is where they put the nuts and oils, meaning you should eat very few of them. IMO, the food pyramid realy is a good guide to healthy eating. It was around long before the advent of fad diets, and if you look at photos of the people who were around back when it was at the height of its popularity, there were very few "fatties" among 'em! :)

For me that's the difference between eating lunch with a friend who counts Weight Watchers points in every mouthful she eats or eating with a group of friends who order extra bread and start planning what desserts we're going to order *before* we decide on our entrees. My personal goal is to eat healthy and not gain any more extra weight. But I've decided that life is just too short to miss out on chocolate cake. Or warm sourdough bread with real butter. :-)

You put it so well. I am going to make my Mom read this. My Mom who I love so much but who has always told me I was heavy, even when I wasn't, and who can't help herself but to say, "now if you just lose a little weight then you can go out with him" when I tell her about an interesting guy.

Oh, and for the record. Sour dough is pretty legal as carbs go because it isn't the nasty processed white flour.

We just have to admit to ourselves that there isn't a trick to being healthy. Moderation.

Ouch. That sourdough smarted.

I agree, a man doesn't have to behave that way. And shouldn't. But I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt and not cast aspersions on Laurie's friend like some of y'all are doing. What he did was nothing more than what we do to ourselves, and other women, a hundred times a day. I can't control what "he" does. Or what "she" does. I can control how I behave, what I talk about, the culture I generate. Just like Laurie did. (Yay, Laurie). Rather than go all haywire on the friend, we should concentrate on what we can do about it. That's all I'm sayin'. If it's a culture we ourselves generate we can change it.

Now, how 'bout that opera? Or cats? (I'm desperate here).

These last couple weeks I've been adding good carbs back in my diet in an effort to quit sabotaging my weight loss by bingeing on not so good carbs. My weigh in with my trainer is tonight. I guess we'll see how it goes!

Sometimes people say dumb things when they're trying to be helpful. As another woman who likes carbs, I've been on your end of the conversation, with someone looking upon my bread with disgust. Moderation's the way to go in my book.

Ya know what? We are totally capable of eating like normal human beings...but it takes practice. I, too, have encountered the looks of horror over a food choice. My rule is if I have eaten healthy stuff all week and we go out to dinner on Saturday and they have a dessert I love (I don't just get dessert for the sake of getting it) I'll have it. This is working for me as I am almost down 20 pounds so far, but the looks of shock when I ordered dessert with friends a few weeks ago was troubling. I have to wonder if we think the only way to lose weight is to constantly deprive ourselves of things we like and that the other people think we are "cheating" if we order something sweet or sugar laden. You're exactly right: Everything in moderation. It's working for you... and it's working for me.

I love a baked potato. But more than that, I love a baked SWEET potato. So good, you barely need any butter--just cinnamon if you like it sweet. Or cumin and chili powder, if you want it more savory.

Good deflection, Laurie, and good recovery re: the bread. You're the master of your bread plate, and the captain of your pants! :)

This is going to seem like a tangent but bear with me. When my X and I were "ditching it all" to take off to Mexico on our 32' saiboat we hear so many "you can't"'s that you'd think we were planning to murder someone instead.

What I learned from the experience, and have been able to see it in every aspect of life is that when people were telling me "you can't" and "you shouldn't" and etc., they're really saying "I can't" and "I shouldn't" so neither should anyone else.

This is when you smile and say, "But, you see, I can, and I am, just watch me!" The smile is the most important part for me. It keeps the 5 yr old at bay.

Kitty would be so proud of you, Laurie.

How incredibly rude of your friend. So presumptuous. And rude! I might have walked out if a friend said that to me. I know my mother's said it to me before and I have walked out.

You of course are a much better person than I. Bravo! Kitty would be very proud.

I would have asked if I could have his piece, too!

I would have eaten the whole damn loaf. I haven't read the other comments but I just have to say, it's simply a matter of etiquette and general human decency not to say something like that. No matter how much someone claims to have your interest in mind, there is absolutely NO reason for anyway to make a comment about you weight or eating habits..."You don't want to ruin your diet?" How does anyone know what you want but you, and if you grabbed that piece of bread, you obviously wanted it. Pretty simple.

I realize he's a friend and all but- Dude! Screw him! It's none of his business and he's not your dad and that's just utterly ridiculous that he thinks it was ok to respond like that! I think what you're doing is awesome and great and you should be proud of yourself for being able to eat a piece of bread without worrying about it or counting the points or calories or anything, and also for knowing that one was enough. Good for you! Balance is awesome!

that was very rude of your friend...a bit appalling actually.

My doctor put me on my 1st diet at age 15. 5'2" & 120 pounds (and a 36D, might I add). I've never quite gotten over that - makes me angry now.

I like your non-diet. It is much like my non-diet, only you are further along. *sigh*

I love your non-diet. It is soooo sane. Congratulations on your inner peace about that part of who you are. Inner peace with yourself is a hard won thing, and something worth fighting for.

Food is such a tricky thing, even those of us who people refer to as thin have our own personal issues with food & weight. I think when the pants don't button, or when all the new pants purchased in the last 6 months are mysteriously one size bigger than the older ones, it doesn't matter what weight you started at, it's still a serious blow to the self esteem and creates all sorts of problems.

So my personal diet (not that you asked) is to stop when I'm full, not when my plate is clean, no more seconds, and dessert only when out at a fancy restaurant (except when pmsing - dessert 24/7 is better for that week...)

I don't want to deprive myself, just get back to the pants at the bottom of the pile!

And one last thing CARBS ARE WONDROUS AND AMAZING. Brava baked potato!

Susie - This is NOT, I repeat NOT, me beating you over the head with sourdough. It's actually along the lines of what you were saying.

I did a post a couple of weeks ago about the "fat talk" that women do as part of our social structuring. You might want to check it out.

You are gorgeous and wonderful and funny and smart and amazing and damn it, if you want a piece of bread and butter with your spinach salad, you can damn well have one. You should have told him that! ;)

Love you, Purl...no matter what'cha weigh...or eat!

xx
shelby

Anne,
I read Geneen Roth a long time ago. I tried to use all her tips and pointers as if they were a *diet* I am ashamed to say. But you know, that's about all I knew how to do at the time.

Even last year, or was it 2005? when I posted about Dr. Weil, I tried to take his tips as "a diet." I wanted a plan! A plan would set me free!

My new thinking, the stuff I've been trying to write about here, came after I spent months and months of just sitting on the back patio, alone, wondering why I hated my body so much. I remember telling Jen one night, after too much wine, I would do whatever it took to finally once and for all make peace with my body. It has taken a loooong time and I'm still not there yet. But I am much, much closer.

I've been reading "The Seat Of The Soul" by Gary Zukav each night and trying to really think it through... it's not a diet book (at all!) but something about that book has made me see things in a new way, even my body.

i just needed to understand why I treated myself the way I did.

It's a process. I should go re-read some Geneen Roth, see if I can read it as a book and not a diet plan now :)

xo
laurie

I am quoting part of your post on my blog because I'm in the same place of not wanting to diet ever again, but instead make healthy choices on my own and I just love how you put this. It totally puts into words what I've been feeling lately:

"Sometimes it feels INSANE to trust myself enough to pick out my own foods without a diet telling me how. It feels CRAZY to let loose and give up dieting forever and just eat whole, nutritious food and once in a blue moon have a piece of warm sourdough bread straight from the oven."

~Marieke

Great post. I loved Kitty Carlisle too and it is sad that she is gone - but she lived her life wonderfully right up till the end. And I so identify with you about the comment on the bread making you want to eat the whole life. My mother is the one that does this to me; she'll come right out and say "Don't you think you shouldn't eat that pie?" and I'll immediately want to consume the entire pie. The really crazy thing is I was a skinny little kid and she used to make me sit at the table until I finished everything on my plate!

Hi laurie, I love the idea of this outlook. But I'm not sure I remember how to eat without being on a diet. I'm 32 and have been thinking about diets/my body/calories/fat/ etc for so long, I think I've forgotten what a normal, healthy meal looks like. I don't know the answer to "what should I eat?" because the answer is different depending on who you ask. I don't know what is healthy....because the answer is different. I'm not even sure I know what I want to eat anymore.
If I gave myself permission to eat whatever I wanted -- I'm afraid I'd weight 300 pounds.....really afraid... because I like french fries more than I like granola bars....
sigh....
I'm sorry to ramble everyone. But thanks for "listening"!

Hey Laurie. You know, thousands of people all over the world (even way down here in at the bottom in New Zealand) read your blog because you are so fabulous, funny, brave, inspiring, warm, witty and wonderful. You eat all the potatoes you want - you deserve every one!

Well, no wonder you felt like a five year old after that--your friend was treating you like one. I admire you for your self-control, not only because you didn't "act out" and stuff your face in rebellion, but also because you didn't whap your friend upside the head with the loaf of bread. He needs to be educated, as do many other people who weirdly equate the eating of certain foods with being "good" or "bad," moral or immoral. Hello? Bread, whole milk, chocolate and broccoli aren't good or bad, healthful or unhealthful, but we can load them up with our own sense of guilt, and "look disapprovingly" at others who are free (or becoming free) of that bullsh**.

I am also going to pick this moment to rant about people who have praised me more for weight loss than they ever did about my diploma or other personal accomplishments. Bite me, mmmkay? :)

*skritches to the also non-dieting and beautiful felines*

Rock on, Laurie!

Jennifer -- OH Lord! Do I know!!

That's why I went out and got "You: The Owner's Manual" and "You: On A Diet." I needed to read a nutritional analysis of what human bodies should get for fuel.

I had been on a diet for so long I had lost my ability to pick nutritious foods, isn't that crazy? Or, at least I *thought* I'd lost the ability, but turns out I hadn't. I suspect you haven't either.

I liked reading about digestion and gas (hee) and nutrients and what they do inside the body, what fat is and why we need it, what "good fat" is, what things have calcium and what foods have fiber. It makes me look at food in a NEW way, like, "Oh, I wonder if my skin will look better if I eat cantaloupe every day this week for breakfast?" or "Will I sleep better if I eat meat at lunch instead of dinner?"

For the first time I looked at food as if it had some other properties besides "can make me fat fat fat."

I also have to be honest here and tell you I made the decision before "undieting" that I would have to accept the possibility that I might not lose weight the way I would on a diet, in fact I might not lose anything at all ... except I'd be a healthier fat person.

But I figured it was a start. I think buying those nutrition books and seeing food as a pile of nutrients and fiber and vitamins and contents made food seem less scary and more "natural."

LOL... natural. I guess I had been dieting for so long I thought it was unnatural to eat! I thought food was something (if only I were good enough) I could finally banish!

Gah.

you just plain and simply rock!!

Laurie - the man you had lunch with is not your friend. In fact, he sounds toxic. Best to avoid him in the future.

I wonder what his (abused) wife is like.

Great post!

Well thought & well said.

My personal slogan for this year (yeah, well, at least I figure you're not going to judge me for having one): Better choices, better outcomes.

And it's working!

Well thought & well said.

My personal slogan for this year (yeah, well, at least I figure you're not going to judge me for having one): Better choices, better outcomes.

And it's working!

I used to live in Orange County and I found that even though I was no skinny little thing, the food-is-bad thought was prevalent *everywhere*. To the point where people would tut if you ate bread or what have you. I suffered with disordered eating (anorexia and bulemia) for many years and for the first time in my life, I am eating food. And it is not the enemy. And that is WEIRD. Which is so mindboggling to even think, but it's true. It's weird that food is food and my body needs it.

I'm proud of you for eating that bread with all that shock!horror! going on in front of you. I hope it was delicious too!

"But when he saw me he said, "Wow, you look great! Your diet must really be working!" and I said thanks and changed the subject and all was well."

Wait a minute...when I read this part, I thought maybe you had told him you were on a non-diet and he just slipped up and called it a diet, but are you saying that he just out of the blue decided that because you look fabulous you must be on a diet? What a dick! As if the only way for one to look good is to be smaller....maybe you were just glowing with confidence from the inside! Screw him, man. Any real gentleman knows that all you need to say is "You look wonderful" and leave it at that.

I had not told him anything about dieting or undieting... he's just a guy I worked with, not a confidante. So yeah, he assumed that since I wasn't as fat as I used to be that I was on a big diet, I guess.

Crazy, isn't it?

Vicky, I LOVE your personal slogan!!! You know a big dork such as myself not only believes in personal slogans but has one of her own, too. ;)

Or maybe he read this blog, on the innernet & all, where you mention a few times that you are "not dieting." Which could be interpreted as a "diet" by those unsophisticated in the ways of not dieting?

That's what I'm saying. Maybe because we talk about it, others do?

Maybe I'm just being difficult today. I just think the friend is being a little bit harshed-upon here. And I think it's ironic that everyone is all up-in-armsed about the attention that others pay to their bodies and food choices when WE are so focused on it ourselves. It's a paradox. Obviously we need to talk about these issues, or you wouldn't be getting hundreds of comments. But the more we talk about them, the more we reinforce them as Important Issues. Sigh.

No, no, he doesn't know I have a website.

And susie, I'm sorry you feel ganged up on! That's a crappy way to feel, I'm sorry.

I was actually thinking about what you posted at lunchtime today on my little walk. I was thinking maybe you were right, maybe women talk about it so much that everyone thinks it is normal conversation, I don't know, I don't know.

But that isn't the point of why I wrote this. I was just talking through a weird thing. My emotions about what he said are my emotions -- he's a nice guy and never meant to be mean to me or hurt me or upset me, and I didn't let it show that I was annoyed and we moved on.

I just thought I'd write it down in my diary anyway.

Ok. That's crazy. (As an aside, one of the reasons I'm so wacky about this is because my coworkers talk about dieting ALL DAY LONG. Every day. I just overheard two of them talking about how many calories a CRACKER has. Yes, a cracker. And one of them "complimented" me on how much baby-weight I'd lost recently and I turned and looked her in the eye and said "No, I haven't. NOT ONE POUND." So it's not like I don't have complete sympathy with you. AAARRRRGGG!)

And now for something totally different.

I was going to try and make a roll-brim hat for my baby (nickname: Bubba). The circular needle is too big. Can you cast on to DPND? (I'm afraid of them.) Or can you cast on to a regular needle and then go straight to the DPND?

One of my favorite people always said:

"All things in moderation, including moderation."

We even included it in her eulogy when she died several years ago.

Great post, by the way.

With so many diets out there, how can anyone even know what diet someone is on. I wouldn't be surprised if someone was actually on a high-carb bread diet, and eating a whole loaf of bread was part of the plan. (and Atkins and eating bacon sounded MORE normal?) Most men are just dumb about women and food, but frankly, even if you were on a diet, what right does anyone have to bring it up. Sounds a bit controlling. I think the reason so many "traditional diets" fail is because people limit themselves and then want it even more. I bet you everyone would be a lot healthier and happier if they allowed themselves to eat EVERYTHING, even the creamiest ice cream... but in moderation.

your friend probably meant well, but you don't need the food police. you're doing fine. which you know you are. and i'm just adding another comment to a long list of comments just talking about the same thing.

and kitty carlisle was class personified. i remember watching her when i was a little girl thinking how cool it would be to wear opera gloves and pearls out and about.

Nothing makes me angrier (all right, the last few days one thing makes me angrier) than this commercial for some diet program that I see ALL THE TIME: It tells you how much goddamn weight you'll lose, then it says, "Let the world see the real you!"

Dear World: The real me weighs 195 pounds, and you can bloody well get used to it. I wear size 18 pants and I AM FABULOUS. My daughter will also grow up to be fabulous, no matter what size pants she ends up in, because there are things that matter so much more than your pants size. I will make sure that she knows that, and I will make sure my son knows it too, because men should not be allowed to think that they can only love skinny women. Thank you for your time.

And Laurie, thank you for everything. Love you, darlin!

Susie, you can definitely cast on to DPNs! I have always found it is easier to first cast on to one of your double-pointed needles (just as you'd cast onto a straight needle), then divide the cast on stitches over your three DPNs, and join then begin the next round.

And I hope you know I do see your point, I remember when me and the girls went to Paris I almost had a freak-out one night about the food/calorie/weight talk. Especially since I was so fat at the time and my friends all weighed literally ha;f what I did. I kept thinking, "Shit. I need fatter friends!" LOL

Neil ... I hadn't thought about that in so long... but you're right about the bacon! Now people think it's perfectly okay to load up on bacon... but skip the bread! Bread will kill you!! hahahaha

I'm so sorry to hear about Kitty Carlisle! I'm not American so I only know about her through you, but you brought her alive!

I hate hate HATE the food police. You should be able to eat whatever you want without people jumping on you. I get it a lot because I'm vegetarian. But apart from that, I do exactly what you do - trust myself to eat what I feel like. Mostly, that's pretty healthy and balanced. I do have a weakness for hot chips and other fried delights though! But I figure since the rest of my diet is relatively fat free it evens out. That's the way I've always eaten, but I can imagine it must be tough if you're used to dieting.

But you're doing well, so just keep going!! And carbs are TOTALLY your friend.

Susie - You can cast on to DPNs, but it's hard. :) What I do is cast on to a regular straight needle of the same size, then knit the first round onto the DPNs. That first round won't actually connect up - before you weave it in, you'll have to use the tail to stitch together that little gap - but then you start knitting in the round on the DPNs and it's much, much easier than casting on to the DPNs.

Hope that helps!

OK, I admit I didn't get past the "disapproving look" part.

Kitty (and I) would have kicked him in the shins hard for that comment. and then sweetly apologized for... slipping.

Being a woman is so silly sometimes.

Love and Laughter,
Amy

Your friend was rude to you, plain and simple.

I have a pet peeve against the recent diet commercials where the boyfriend offers the girl a bite of his corn dog and she considers the exercise she did that day. She walked the dog, but skipped the gym, oh! but she'll mow the lawn later, so darn it she will have a snack and she grabs the 100 calorie portioned snack.

Who the hell wants to live their life with that sort of mental dialog cluttering it up?! Not I! There's got to be a better way. Nutritious food sounds like a good candidate.

Life is way too short to forego bread - my absolute favourite food in the entire world...desert island....my one thing to ensure I had would be bread....and cheese....oh and red wine....I think you captured it well when you said...everything in moderation.

Laurie, honey, I love you to death and your blog's a treat. Y'all come visit me down here in Texas. We know how to do the eating thing right, just like you do. It's all about balance--healthy breakfast, healthy lunch, some great Mexican food or chicken fried steak for dinner, and just enough Blue Bell ice cream to keep our souls healthy. If your body's healthy and your soul's cranky, life's not worth living. Eat your bread guilt-free! Drop in any time.

Nice post, way to tell a story! I hope you caught the piece that they did on Kitty Carlise Hart on NPR this week, it was very nice, really captured her spirit (sorry for the akward pun!)

Nice post, way to tell a story! I hope you caught the piece that they did on Kitty Carlise Hart on NPR this week, it was very nice, really captured her spirit (sorry for the akward pun!)

I don't think it would have been wrong to smack that old friend on the knuckles, with your butter knife, and say "It's not polite to tell a lady what she should and shouldn't eat." With a sweet smile on your face, of course.

Kitty used to wear a diamond heart necklace. My Mom HAD to have that necklace. She got one and wore it all the time...until she lost it. Now I have a love for heart necklaces, as well.

We'll miss you, Kitty.

Laurie,

Thank you for your blog. I have been lurking for some time, and have to say that I really appreciate today's post. I, too, am sensitive to people judging what should or should not go into my mouth based upon my size at the time. Good for eating the bread, and everything in moderation is an excellent motto to live by.

Thanks again!

Googled ‘knitted opera length gloves’ and came up with the following links:

http://www.sweaterscapes.com/glove-pattern.htm
http://www.ysolda.me.uk/wordpress/index.php/lace-up-opera-gloves/

Anyone feel like a knit-along? *grin*

Re: the poster who said what a shame it is that Cookie Monster doesn’t munch his cookies any more. As the mother of a child who thinks that everything funny that the TV characters do is acceptable to do IRL, thank goodness Cookie is setting a better table manners example! LOL! Having a mini Cookie Monster trashing my dining room was NOT fun!

Laurie, your reaction to your friend was the Epitome of Kitty-Carlisleness. Poise, politeness, and yet doing what you knew was okay for you. I raise my champagne (tea) to you!

Oh, and could someone please tell me…. WHAT on earth is ‘chicken-fried steak’??

Hugs from Sydney, Australia

Laurie,
My favorite thing that you've said this whole post was up a few comments.
"My emotions about what he said are my emotions..."
LOVE that!! HATE it! when someone tells me to "calm down" or "simmer down" or "it's not worth crying over." 'Cause if I'm un-calm or un-simmered or crying, well, it's obviously worth it to me. My (your) emotions are my (your) emotions and I (you) are entitled to them. Took me a long time to learn that. Down in the Deep South, the last thing we want is to "make a scene." We might get "talked about."

Thank you for seeing the light. For years, I have tried to tell friends that diets are no good, especially since one usually ends up binging on the foods one has been denied. I have always thought that "in moderation" has always been a healthier approach as it is a lifestyle change that is meant to be just that -- for life. An old boyfriend pointed out that friends probably have a hard time hearing this from me as I am thin. Many of the women in my family started off thin as well. By the time they were my age, they were overweight, if not obese. I grew up watching their struggles with food and weight and tried to learn from their mistakes. Many of them did not learn until age 50 or so what you have learned now. All I know is that they are much happier now than when they were on whatever diet struck their fancy at that moment.

Thank you for sharing your love of Ms. Kitty Carlysle. I had the great good fortune of meeting her about 8 years ago in Boston. I was music directing a production of "Lady in the Dark," which was written by her husband and Kurt Weill. Since she held all the intellectual property rights to the show, we had to consult her for any changes or cuts we wanted to make. Some of the dialogues can be a little long in the tooth, and we requested changes. She ever so politely and elegantly stuck to her guns, and was really so charming about it that we relented on almost every request.

She came to opening night, and I nervously approched her before the show, wanting to tell her how much I respected and admired her, but not wanting to be one of those annoying fawning fans. She was first of all, absolutely impeccable, dressed to the nines in a Chanel suit, and looking and smelling absolutely pickled in Chanel no. 5.

I don't remember what Ms. Hart said to me, but I do remember the grace and wit that accompanyed it.

I read in the New York TImes obit about her that she ended every day by looking in the mirror and saying, "I forgive myself."

Something I'm thinking about adopting.

Cheers, and you are an inspiration to me.

I don't think I'll ever *try* giving up carbs. I'm not that nice a person to begin with. Lindsay sans cookies would be a real bitch.

I say this as I'm eating my pasta and reading my daily dose of knit blogs.

A page for Kitty Carlisle but nothing for folks at VT? We need all the lovin we can get; send a little our way!

About the time you started writing about your eating changes, Michael Pollan's article was published in the NYTimes Sunday magazine (1/28/07 if the URL breaks up too much). I reread it every month or so, and it helps me to keep on with eating a sane way and ignoring all the "diet" advice.

The next time someone says something about your "diet" ask them "why do you assume I'm on a diet?" and watch them squirm.

Oh, how I wish I could think like do you about food. I'm so happy for you, but I wish it was me too. I hope some day I can.

Yeeey, let's knit some opera gloves! Go Xeres!

I'm with Susie - I'm sure your friend said that comment because he knew that when you worked together, you used to diet, and bread at the time was out. I don't know. Why would a friend want to deliberately to hurt your feelings, right?

hugs to you Laurie,

WOW, you said a mouthful there girlfriend. The one thing that struck me as I read this entry and most of your entries of late, is that yes, trust yourself to treat yourself well, and your body and life will most certainly let you know what you need to do to thrive healthily. Pretty freaking simple, yet so difficult to do as we are not taught to treat ourselves with such dignity! Which is sad. The insanity and craziness is believing that the restrictive diets and lifestyles that tell you to deny what you want is the way to life. Yeah, if I want to be obsessed. Period. We should not deny ourselves anything we want. If we give ourselves what we want on a regular basis, we will want what we want in moderation. As long as it is not to cover up something else, for which no amount of food will fill. This was a HUGE awakening for me, as I thought going to work for Ben & Jerry's seemed like a most logical thought. Go where the good stuff was. Problem was I would be working round the clock to feed those hungers at many different places! If we are taking care of business (meaning ourselves on a physical, mental and spiritual basis) our hungers do not get so out of whack. Keep up the fabulous work Laurie, you are growing yourself into the fabulous, wonderful woman you were meant to be. I agree that Kitty Carlisle is the embodiment of class, but I see you as an equal to Mrs. Carlisle Moss. A Southern woman who looks like a Persian kitty; all soft, fluffy (not fat) feminine woman, who is the proverbial iron fist in a velvet glove. Stronger than she looks, and with a most warm heart of gold, and a killer imagination!!!!!! I think Kitty would be honored to know such a wonderful woman!

I'd really like to kick him in the shins for that! I know very well how much that must have stung. Pfft! Thanks for being there for us!

A few years ago while at a birthday celebration for my ex boyfiend's grandmother I was astounded when her husband questioned whether the birthday cake icing was made with real butter and then stated, "we don't eat butter". Grandma had been commenting how wonderful the cake looked and how she was looking forward to a piece. I commented that as it was a special occasion and Grandma walked 4 MILES daily maybe an exception could be made.(Grandma was celebrating her 80th birthday!!) If you can't feel free to eat as you like when you've made it to 80 then what's the point of living? I think she should have taken the cake home and left the husband.

I just have to delurk for a quick comment. :)

Yay! Someone else who knows about the awesomeness of Kitty Carlisle! I had this conversation with my friend yesterday:
me: Aww, Kitty Carlisle died.
him: ...long pause where he's clearly googling to find out who Kitty Carlisle is/was...
him: Well, she WAS old.

Hmm. That wasn't actually very quick. Figures!

Some twit with very little higher education thinks you shouldn't have a piece of bread with butter on it? Who cares. Sorry, I know it's easy to say, but who is he to disapprove of anyone else's life choices? His choices can't have been the best since he is stuck in a dead end, low-paying job with little or no respect given him. I'm much crankier since I would have given him the what for and possibly even let his manager know how he behaves toward the restaurant clients. I nearly got one person like that fired for telling a friend that she should consider the half-portion of lasagne instead of the full one.

OMG Beth @ 1:34pm... gasping for breath and composure over your re-Invictus!! Thank you for a very satisfying laugh!! (You know, the Laurie kind)

Good attitude. I love it.

Where do you find all these people that want to talk about how you look?!

A pox on the lot of them.

My personal opinion of the Atkins diet: as long as there is wheat, sugar, rice and potatoes on this here God's green earth, Atkins diets will fail, so don't even start.

Yay for you and your healthy lifestyle. We could all learn a thing or two from you. :-)

Oh, and my family nickname is Kitty, so I always felt a special connection to Ms. Carlisle. >^..^<

First time reader of your blog and I love love love it!!! You are one top sheila (Aussie speak for an awesome woman!!)

Somehow having your food intake judged and actually controlled by a man is exponentially worse than being gently chided by the gal-pal who says, "didn't you give up sweets for Lent?"

I could have (maybe) kept my mouth shut if my lunch companion had merely COMMENTED when I reached for the bread ... if he perhaps had said something semi-teasing like, "tsk, tsk you're cheating!" It would have still been rude, but I could have politely overlooked it.

But actually TOUCHING and BLOCKING the bread? I wouldn't have needed an opera glove ... I would have needed an equine exam glove for what I would have done next, and it would have involved every single item on the tabletop or otherwise within reach.

Ahem. But then, Kitty Carlisle would not have done that. Neither would my Mom. And she was SO Kitty Carlisle-ish when I was little. She's loosened up a tad in recent years, but still puts on her makeup, real clothes and good shoes to go to the grocery.

I do believe it was the most fabulous Ms. Mae West herself who said, "Everything in moderation, honey, including moderation."
Mae West is my hero!

I wuv u.

Well, I suppose KCH would never say that - she shares my last name but I am her antithesis. But I digress...

One of the little known side effects to the Atkins is a type of extreme onset liver failure - I had a friend try the atkins; was great diet, she dropped weight. It's just that she soon after ended up in the ICU before they figured out what the hell was going, too. Opps

Ms. Carlye Hart wouldn't have said that either.

It occurs to me that I did not address the point - You are a beautiful woman - great eyes, lovely complexion, wonderful smile - you present a welcoming and kind air with every photo. If someone can't see the beauty in that, they are a putz. (Hmm KCH gives a subtle mou of disaproval)

I with you lived in Northern CA - I'd kidnap you for a lush, french picnic complete with triple creame brie, strawberries and craime fraiche, and champagne.

(KCH advises me to add that it would be a non-threatening kind of kidnapping, with satin eye-pillow if the sun was too harsh, and a lace scarf to buffer the breeze)

hmm stop digging when in a hole - this post is probably why you live in so cal.

Bottomline - a longtime lurker here, saying you are wonderful and a joy to know, just as you are. Fuck anyone who doesn't see it.
Excuse me - Ms KCH has asked me for a quiet word.

Congratulations for deciding to never diet again. I am a person who has never dieted or even thought about it. And I am thin.
When it comes to food, I have three things I kind of live by (but they are not rules and I will never let them become rules). Firstly, I try to enjoy my food at every meal time, to savour it and love it. Second, I eat a rainbow of foods. I spend hours hunting for strange and unusual coloured fruit and veg to add to the plate in new ways. And the visual beauty on the plate really does it for me. Third, I try to shove as much fruit and veg into a meal as possible.
And on top of this I sometimes eat junk, I drink too much soft drink, eat carbs, never eat or drink diet anything, drink loads of milk, eat cheese etc.
I have always thought that whoever invented diets should have been shot before others caught on. I don't see anything good about them.
Have you ever noticed how mostly overweight people diet? I mean, this makes sense on one level, but on another, I think there may be a strong link between the diet mentality and being overweight?!? Fat people are taught to hate food, I think that is really destructive.
Just some food for thought...
Mia
PS Also, I would be lunching with other people if I were you. No-one should treat you like a child.

I love your outlook on life! And boo hoo to your dinner guest if he thinks a bit of bread and butter will "Spoil your diet" PAH!

Thought you might like to read this http://www.alternet.org/story/50661/?page=1 which is the way all the gals in LA LA land already are surely? ;-)

Keep on balancing well. I am reading over your archives and am in July 2006 and you do sound a lot happier, more positive and balanced now than you did just a few months ago.

Hugs to you

I live in the appalachian woods with 10 cats, (and a husband, whew!) wear boots, get dirt under my nails, and handle all manner of foul-smelling material on a daily basis and even I love Kitty. I always wanted to be funny just that way. Oh, and I have a suggestion for who should NOT be invited to your table when the okra comes on!

I haven't read all the comments so I'm probably reiterating but, the shame and embarrassment I felt as a teenager, getting weighed in gym class! and I weighed a WHOPPING 140 pounds!! What would I give to weigh that now! Anyway, people should NOT be made to feel shame, especially as a teenager. It stays with you for life. It has literally colored my entire life since then, that just isn't right. I've spent my entire adult life battling my weight, and I recently decided, I'm done with that. Life is to be enjoyed, it shouldn't be a constant battle or police action.

As for Kitty, she was one of the "Mame" dames: the book, Great Dames, has a wonderful piece on her. To me she was the epitome of New York elegance and sophistication. I didn't think she'd ever die.

Well, this post officially made me want to run out to the Trader Joe's in Chatsworth and grab a few jars of alfredo sauce. Pasta tonight! yessssss.

Thanks Laurie....you are the best. I think maybe you are finally starting to love you as much as all of your readers do...as for your "friend"? if he reads your blog he will be cured of trying to "help", if not, well, someday someone less Kittyfied than you will cure him. Have a blessed day girl.

And Dr Atkins died off a heart attack and grossly obese! Great advert. The body needs carbs - 70% of the glucose we absorb is used by the brain. Atkins was a fad diet based on the myth that bread, pasta, rice etc are fattening. A myth invented in the 1920's when they tried to figure out what it was on thier plate that made them fell full...wasn't that a highly scientific randomised controlled trial to use as an evidence-base. I work in health & well-being and this myth drives me nuts. Laurie - your non-diet is teh way to do it. It's a way of life, not a fad. Fad's offer quick fixes and nothing more. Every person that comes up to me and says they have cut out carbs to lose weight I feel like shaking because it so illogical and instead I have to sit there and calmly explain (yet again) just why they need all the food groups. Healthy eating isn't difficult - but it does need education.

Carbohydrates may not always make my waistline happy, but they sure as fucking hell make my BRAIN happy - and that's what driving the bus, let me tell you!

I know this guy is your friend, but I totally would have kicked him in the nuts after that comment, and yelled, "Screw you and the horse you rode in on, food Nazi!"

OK, I probably just would have smiled and eaten all the bread and butter, to be contrary.

What an asshole -- I can't believe your friend's comment on your decision to eat a piece of bread!

I'm enjoying watching your growth, Laurie, and wishing you all the best.

THANK YOU!

Just sent this link to BF to make him ponder on his constant need to try and control me and comment on what I eat...to the point of taking stuff of my plate.

Laurie you are AWSOME, and a true inspiration for the non-dieter wannabe...keep up the good work!

Amen, Aunt Purl. You are high-larious..I would pay money to see you in your weather girl days. And as for the food Nazi, I second Maureen above.

No Laurie, the blue moon is NEXT month! It's a shame you celebrated it this month, because now you'll have to celebrate it again next month.

I felt bad to hear about Kitty.

You have your own discount code at a beading store???!!!

Hey, Laurie and everyone.

I'm the eleventy-billionth commenter, so I won't chime in on the food issue (which I'd actually love to do), but here's a link to another blogger who writes about Kitty Carlisle:
http://www.tsocktsarina.com/blog/?p=86

I remember her on tv too, the absolute epitome of loveliness, class, grace. Maybe I'll wear lipstick all day today in tribute to Kitty. :)

Cheers,
Karen P in Ohio

Keep believing in yourself - you know you best, and you sound like you are doing a wonderful job of looking after you - Kitty, whose passing also saddened me, would be proud...

The Kitty thing made me think about one of my all time favorite movies, Mona Lisa Smile, and that one character that is giving the girls instruction on being eligant. Sometimes I secretly wish we were all a little more elegant like that.

The feeling like a 5 year old thing is the reason I don't ask anyone, including my husband, to keep me accountable or remind me about my healthy eating lifestyle anymore. It is so upsetting when you just really want to have a sweet treat or a warm piece of bread and you get that dissaproving glare or "Now you know you shouldn't eat that..."

You go girl. I know exactly how you feel.

And I wouldn't have blamed you for eating the whole loaf. Heck, you were eating a salad. ;)

Smiles,
Erin

Hi! I found your blog through 'Half of Me' and have been reading it all week long, I guess you could say I've been stalking you, lol. I really enjoy your posts.

>>>And Dr Atkins died off a heart attack and grossly obese! Great advert.<<<

This is NOT true. Dr. Robert Atkins died from a head injury resulting from a fall on an icy New York sidewalk. He was in good health before the fall.

I'm not an Atkins diet advocate, at all. But I HATE when people tell lies about Dr. Atkins' death, simply because they want to eat more carbs.

Okay, rant over.

I love reading your notes & views about life & such, but I have to chime in here because you pointedly pointed out never having to count Points, directly implying Weight Watchers is a "diet". I'm a WW leader & ALWAYS emphasize we're not dieting, we're changing our habits to last a lifetime. Of course, joining Weight Watchers doesn't automatically change one's mental approach. If a person is in diet mentality, they'll probably not lose the weight & if they do, they'll most likely gain it again. However, WW provides the information to make choices w/out any food-police for those who can approach it w/out the diet outlook.

You know, I am also not-dieting, and I have lost 21 pounds. But my mother, from whom I learned my scary and unhealthy food fears/beliefs/mindset, chastised me on the phone the other day (I am 37, mind you) for going to Ben & Jerry's with my 10-year-old for their Free Cone Day. As you say, all things in moderation. If you can't have ice cream once in awhile, is this life worth living? I say, have your bread with butter, and your potato. And your fruit for breakfast, and your grilled chicken salad. Ignore the friend who chastises you, inhale, exhale, and know that *you're* the one with the healthy relationship with food... not the one who can't eat a freakin' piece of bread once in awhile!

Ok, it's me again, after reading just a few of the posts above mine. In response to those angry w/ the way your friend "policed" your eating, Weight Watchers helps members learn to handle such situations. It's not at all uncommon. We have what's called the Tools for Living, & one tool, the Asserting Tool, comes in handy for many. Such common knowledge, but when you find out many share the same situations & learn to live thru them & feel good about their choices, it becomes common practice not just common knowledge.

I sound like a WW advertisement. I'm just wanting to keep the Points program from getting heaped in the pile of DIETS.

*
That was wonderful - and you could easily have a column in a great magazine somewhere ...

*

"the problem with me and diets is that I can't seem to stay on one forever and ever"

Actually, that's the problem of EVERYONE and diets. That's why diets don't work, if by work you mean: "help you stay healthy long-term" not "help you lose weight for a while then gain it back?" You're doing the right thing.

Okay, I confess, even though the "bread at lunch" story was in no way supposed to be funny...I laughed out loud. I've always struggled with my weight and I get along much better these days with moderation. But geez. The nerve of food nazis. I would have not only had the bread. There would have been no guilt. I would have raved about how wonderfully good the bread was (even if it wasn't). Totally raved. Then I would have had a small second peice and kept raving until I was darn sure that my point was across. Other people shouldn't tell you what to do, that was a big lesson for me. I'm much more self confident now, and I'm very rebellious that way. Some of my friends still make comments, but quickly find out it's not worth it, nor is it appreciated. CAP, I hope every now and then you read your old posts. Your personal growth is documented right there. Even when you thought you were going backward, you weren't. There's no such thing. Any day you learn one thing, any thing, is a great day.

Wow! I have been blogging for a couple of years and I have to say, your blog is the best! I've never seen one take off and go like wildfire! I am so proud of you for putting yourself out there like you do. Brave,yes,that you are. The nerve of some "friend" to give you the slightest hard time about bread.
Keep on your path, it seems to be working well for you. I agree with the comment that you should find a magazine to write for, or maybe just submit for individual publication.