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April 01, 2007
Special Edition: April Hor-O-Scopes!
Ya'll know I do love to write my little horoscopes and throw around some ghetto slang while working in things that seem vaguely horoscopey, such as "Put your panties on during Mercury transiting your House Of Margaritas." Yes, indeed.
And while this is a fine way to live your life, sometimes you have the good luck and planetary bingo to stumble on actual, real bonafide Astrological Greatness! This month I am so excited to share with you REAL and AWESOME Horoscopes written by Astrologer Phyllis!
PHYLLIS F. MITZ, M.A., has had a flourishing astrology practice for close to 30 years now. Her unique blend of astrology, psychology (in which she holds her master’s degree) and spiritual focus (in which she is pursuing a Doctorate Degree) gives counsel to thousands of people from all walks of life, including celebrities, politicians, and corporate executives (she would not tell me WHO EXACTLY, but I plan to get her drunk sometime in the future, see "House of Margaritas," and find out and as soon as I do I will let ya'll know) (because I am giving that way).
She wrote these April forecasts just for Crazy Ol' Aunt Readers, and I hope ya'll will give her a big happy welcome and also go visit her website, astrologerphyllis.com. There she does trend reports and all kinds of planetary goodness on a very regular basis.
With that I now present to you.... drumroll please.....
Phyllis F. Mitz, M.A’s
ASTROLOGICAL FORECASTS FOR APRIL 2007 (!!!)
Aries (March 21st-April 19th)
Despite having to deal with some annoying insecurities and/or behind-the-scenes-disruptions April can end up being a pretty great month for you. What makes it great? Movement! Between April 11th-27th Mercury ignites the good decisions, excellent communications, and fun trips that inspire your favorite feeling: The Thrill of Beginning Something New – possibly with someone new. You might be especially empowered April 16,17,and 20 as your ideas catch fire and lead to strong, expansive success. Go for it! What to do about those pesky fears or unexpected issues popping up? Treat them like you do everything else: as a challenge to become even more of a hero. But don’t be afraid to plan on good stuff happening in 2007 -you’ve (finally!) got plenty of forward motion coming!
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Taurus (April 20 –May 21st)
No – it hasn’t been your imagination – the astrological energies have been kinda tough on you ... even bringing matters of your career, home life, and heck, even your relationships to an "either this changes or I’m leaving!" showdown. Well, good news: Life will be calming down and easing up ...a little. Venus traveling through your sign will make you wonderfully magnetic, appealing and even savvier at negotiating matters to get your way through April 11th. Then she helps strengthen your favorite Taurus subjects of security and finances through the end of the month and even allures some valuable relationships into your court as well. All in all your social life will be perked up in April with some amazing dynamics with friends and generous folks who want to help you to reach your goals. Be cautious, however, during the wild energies of April 27th - April 29th, as someone might exit your life as quickly as they entered it. If they were that shaky, you didn’t want them anyway, sweet Taurus.
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Gemini (May 22nd- June21st)
Thank God you’re as savvy as you are, Gemini, and as flexible and eager to change, too! You’ll need those gifts through most of April as there’ll be shake-ups galore happening all around you – especially in your career and relationships. Many are surprising, some might be anticipated, but all are trying to lead you to capitalizing on the new ideas and alliances that are now starting to hover. Let’s put it this way: If something isn’t going to work, or if someone isn’t going to stick around, you’ll most likely realize it April 1st, 2nd, 7th, 20th, 21st, and April 27th-29th. Forget looking back, as whatever falls apart can open doors for even better prospects and relationships. That’s especially true from April 13th on as Venus transits your sign and amplifies that attractive, witty allure that you’re famous for! Capitalize on that. In fact, this whole year of 2007 is chock full of powerful, inspiring people and partners (and some mysterious strangers) who can help make your life fascinating and deliver amazing projects to your doorstep. Just don’t be so seduced by others’ power that you give them yours. Do what Geminis do best: Watch and learn from others and make it your own.
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Cancer (June 22nd – July 22nd)
Even though you’re quite a strong creature, Cancer, your recent money, health, and/or relationship issues may be wearing you a little thin. Plus, since so many of your challenges have come as a result of other people’s choices (or lack of them) you can feel left hanging - rarely a welcome position for a security-oriented crab! Not to worry – the picture is changing! New ideas are percolating, helpful people are coming to the rescue, and inspired realizations are returning that can show you what new steps to take to create more abundance and professional success. What should you do? Use your instincts and intuition to flesh out what is really important to you and what you really should let go of in order to move on. Even the abrupt shifts in plans and expectations that might pop up April 1st - 2nd, 27th – 29th can end up resulting in lucky opportunities and insights that promote your dreams even further. Travel, write that book (or letter) and take a class in something that inspires you and you’ll start to see that doors magically opening for you that you wouldn’t dream of even knocking on!
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Leo (July 23rd – Aug. 22nd)
Wow! Having Saturn, the Personal Trainer of the zodiac, traveling through your sign has forced you to work hard this past year and to grow in ways you weren’t even sure you were capable of. Plus, the very thing that makes your world go ‘round - partnerships and love – might have been a little tough, too, if not weird and disappointing. All this could have deflated your normal sassy confidence, but there’s good news: The energies that have been challenging, delaying, and even blocking you are (finally!) moving forward! New ideas, contacts, and opportunities are beginning to materialize that show you why all that ordinary drudgery you’ve been enduring has been worth it. Positive momentum begins around April 11th with really exciting spikes of goodness hitting April 20th, 21st, 24th, 25th. Will everyone around you settle down and do what you expect them to do? No. Expect some sudden shifts with money, sex, or other people’s crises affecting you, especially April 2nd, 3rd, 27th -29th. Just use your magnificent largesse so any differences between you and they can be worked out in that win-win gain you’re famous for. That way, even if you discover you have to let someone or something go, you’ll know you have tried your best.
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Virgo (Aug. 23rd – Sept. 22nd)
The good news is you are growing and stretching like mad this year, Virgo! The challenging news is it might be wackier, faster, and messier than your orderly self would have ever imagined or even preferred. Take the ride, keep reaching for the brass ring, and forget about getting it all perfect. (The trick is understanding everything really is perfect…just not the way you might define perfection!) You’re experiencing transits from many different angles that are prompting amazing changes in your life: On the one hand, powerful energies are pushing you to get into a bigger game (possibly at work), even if you don’t feel certain how to play, especially April 7th, 8th, 20th,21st, and 22nd. On the other hand, the relationships and structures you’ve depended on are suddenly shifting or even ending, leaving you to deal with a whole new set of circumstances and expectations, especially April 1st-3rd, and 28th-30th. Your job is to be smart enough to adjust your self image to meet these new challenges and to be creative enough to make positive use out of whatever goes on around you, which you certainly are, Virgo! Look at it this way: You’re in a personal growth marathon. You might not think you signed up for it, but you did. Prove something great to yourself.
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Libra (Sept. 23rd – Oct. 22nd)
People! Trips! Love! Friendship! Phone Calls! Opportunities! …and other glorious and social activities are aspected for you most of this month of April, Libra! Indeed, your ideas are bright, your communications are clear, and adoring people are all around, making good relationships ripe for the picking. So use your delightful attitude and social contacts to negotiate, make plans, travel and seal deals, especially on April 20th - 21st, and 29th -30th. Your challenge might be sorting out how much time to devote to every (new) opportunity, invitation, and offer you receive. That said, there’s still some issues in your life that even your most charming and devoted concerns can’t fix, since they’re not really your problem, (even if they affect you). Take care of your health, be super flexible about your working conditions and if anything points to a need for changes in those areas, make them. You are on an upswing. Have fun.
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Scorpio (Oct. 23rd – Nov. 22nd)
No doubt about it: The past few months have been intense and dramatic for you, Scorpio. Confrontations and crises might have been rampant: some involved you and affected you, others didn’t involve you, but still affected you anyway. The good news is that, although your changes are far from over, at least most of the shoes that were going to drop have done so, leaving you with a clearer picture of what you’re dealing with. Even better, the energies gathering now are working more for your benefit. So use your characteristic of being the “Phoenix” - one who rises from the ashes into something more glorious - and carry on. Even during the dates when surprises and unexpected shifts are erupting, matters can end up promoting you, supporting your goals, or bringing people into your life who love you and who are compassionate to your wants and needs, especially April 2nd-5th and 26th-30th. Use the innovative ideas on the 20th and 22nd to further your goals, possibly financially, and use the revelations on the 26th-28th to discover who’s in your court and who isn’t. And then do what you must.
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Sagittarius (Nov. 23rd- Dec. 22nd)
Lucky you! Your expansive ruling planet, Jupiter, is transiting Sagittarius all year, promising you substantial growth, meaningful inspirations, and fascinating connections. Your challenge is to keep your passions focused on growing what’s really worthwhile to you, while avoiding going overboard in activities that won’t really benefit you. Fortunately, the astrological energies this April will help you figure all this out. Abrupt course corrections the first 11days of April and from April 26th-30th show you what or who you might have to let go of or change in order to meet with success. But between April 12th-27th there are loads of powerful, creative, and yes, lucky aspects that will fire you up, promote your creativity, tingle your love life, and help you to expand most anything else you want to express. So do what Sagittarians do best: Look upon the changes, surprises and course alterations as learning experiences that teach you something truly valuable about yourself and life. And enjoy the ride!
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Capricorn (Dec.23rd – Jan 20th)
Money, security, things you share with others, including sex, and all that correlates with those issues may have been a little tricky lately, as you may not have been able to control the circumstances involved there. Good news: While April still holds loads of surprises in your plans, agreements, and contracts, they can end up being good surprises that help promote your plans in ways you wouldn’t have imagined. You might even discover you have some behind-the-scenes allies working for you, even if their methods aren’t always what you expect or agree with, especially between April 20th-22nd. Continue to use your characteristic caution and patient checking things out and know that later in the year you’ll able to direct matters in much more solid ways. Life is riled up for a reason now, Capricorn: You’re finding out how clever and adaptable you really are and how your problem-solving skills can work matters so everyone gains, including you, from what at first might appear as a problem.
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Aquarius (Jan.21st-Feb. 18th)
It’s been a weird time for you, Aquarius: Neptune, the planet that brings a “surrender” influence to it has been playing havoc with your sense of control. Mars transiting your sign, too, through April 6th makes you sexy, but also riles up situations and relationship dynamics that call for quite a bit of finesse and negotiations. Don’t take any of the relationship or financial challenges you’ve been experiencing personally – they’re either there to strengthen your resolve or to be an agent of your change in destiny. But do expect some shifts this month that show you what will work and what won’t. The good news is innovative ideas and clever alliances jumpstart new projects and solutions that can really benefit you, especially after April 11th. You might even find yourself quite popular and magnetic! Just be sure that you get all the facts straight and have some “plan b’s” in your back pocket incase someone or something doesn’t work the way you’ve planned.
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Pisces (Feb. 19th- March 20th)
Perhaps more than anyone else, you have been experiencing both the restlessness and the wild surprises that come from having many planets in your sign, including Uranus, the planet of freedom and of sudden changes. It’s likely changes are happening in many areas of your life, some planned and ignited by you, and others unplanned and ignited by others. The great news is you’ll be unusually super-charged for the entire month of April! Mercury traveling through your sign will prompt loads of communications, activities, and decisions through April 10th. Then Mars further empowers you to take all sorts of actions and flaunt your sex appeal from April 7th through mid-May. These planets help build your confidence and magnetism, and stimulate your enthusiasm for new goals. Just watch you don’t go overboard, or count on things happening in certain ways you expect them to, especially April 1st-4th and 27th-29th when shake-ups are likely. Look upon whatever happens with this attitude: How can I use this to become even more free?
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So those are April forecasts from Astrologer Phyllis. She has a new book out right now, too, called Astrology's Secrets to Hot Romance... And Long-Lasting Relationships, Too.
And in the spirit of full disclosure ... nobody paid me to promote this or sent me free planets or threatened me with a mercury retrograde. I just happen to think Astrologer Phyllis is really quality and awfully good people and thought ya'll should meet her!
Oh! And before you make my bagel-covered sex mistake of last month (see: Rabbi Shmuley's Kosher Sex, hrmph! Not about sex in a bagel factory after all!) this is not some raunchy "Ram Meets Crab" (hah) sex book. It's a thoughtful, usable handbook on how to understand, love and yes ... sometimes tolerate members of every sign.
The Official Descrition (which has no bagel implications) says:
Astrology’s Secrets To Hot Romance … (And Long Lasting Relationships, Too!) Is incredibly fun reading and brimming with the juicy truths, insightful revelations, and good-to-know facts that reveal how you can attract, love and deeply connect with members of every sign of the zodiac. Hot Romance not only describes specific ways to make your love life flourish, it also gives you countless techniques and insider’s advice on making all of your relationships successful and satisfying from friendships to family to coworkers. It’s the must-have relationship book! 520 pages. Here it is on Amazon.com
I was really excited to get the hook-up with Astrologer Phyllis this month, it's such an honor to have a well-respected and published astrologer writing horoscopes here. It almost makes me a little embarrassed about all the times I tried to form the Cancers into a street gang, or tried to get the Pisces folks to re-enlist for random hugging, or the time I tried to convince ya'll there was a Planet Of Mr. X.
But you know next month I'll be back doing it all over again. Maybe in Haiku format as I have been threatening for months now. Yo, yo!
Ya'll, I don't know why the pictures don't show up in Microsoft internet explorer. Blame some egghead somewhere. Then go download Mozilla Firefox, that's the web browser I use. Lord help me and the technology.
Posted by laurie at April 1, 2007 08:53 AM
Comments
A GUEST horrorscoper????
What is my world coming to?
At least I'm gonna have a good month!
Posted by: The Other Ruth at April 1, 2007 09:05 AM
Do I get a star or something for being first?
Posted by: The Other Ruth at April 1, 2007 09:06 AM
A gold star :)
Hey -- Other Ruth. Can you see the pictures? i can see them using the firefox Mozilla browser but not on the internet explorer browser.
I hate technology sometimes. grumble. need coffee.
Posted by: laurie at April 1, 2007 09:09 AM
Astrologer Phyllis is about as unnerving as you are. How did she know of my issues of late? I guess I really don't have a choice but to get dressed and to finally go to that samba class today. Especially since the gauntlet was thrown down on Friday night and if I don't show, I'll never hear the end of it.
Posted by: Dagny at April 1, 2007 09:18 AM
Hap-Happy Sunday, Dear!!
Posted by: JillieoftheValley at April 1, 2007 09:19 AM
Dagny, samba class sounds fun! I plan on samba-ing to the washing mashine and back :)
And hi Jill! Happy sunnday to you too!!
Posted by: laurie at April 1, 2007 09:27 AM
Laurie, I use Firefox so I never have a prollem with pix. :D
Posted by: The Other Ruth at April 1, 2007 09:33 AM
Woo hoo!! Happy Leo!! Many thanks (and margaritas) to your guest astrologer :)
Posted by: mish at April 1, 2007 10:10 AM
I can see the pictures just fine, with the ever crappy IE.
Ugh, laundry on a Sunday?? Is that an April Fools joke?
Anyhoo, happy April to you and the furgang.
From LA 71446
Posted by: Aarlene at April 1, 2007 10:13 AM
I rarely read horoscopes but today I did and OMG! for Cancer-hubby and me-the-Virgo they are so spot on...kinda freaky, but also encouraging given the huge move we wil be making at the end of this month.
Posted by: Pink at April 1, 2007 10:39 AM
Great horoscopes, but I have to admit I miss your unorthodox approach! :)
Posted by: kim at April 1, 2007 10:43 AM
Sweet! I love the horoscopes. Yours are funniers, but I enjoyed these, too. Haiku ones would be interesting and give me something to ponder for the month... =)
Posted by: carrie at April 1, 2007 11:02 AM
Definitely had a Piscean surprise today...but perhaps I'd better not share it with the group! Suffice to say it was an awful lot of fun and involved flaunting sex appeal big style. Smiling...!
Posted by: Maureen at April 1, 2007 11:18 AM
Great Horoscopes, a celebrity treat -- but I like your style better. Either way, this Capricorn hopes her April comes to pass as promied!
P.S. I have Microsoft Internet Explorer and I get your pix just fine. Lauire. Folks, don't forget to do your Microsoft updates and to run your virus and anti-spyware software every freakin' day. (Like I said, I am a Capricorn).
Posted by: dez at April 1, 2007 11:27 AM
I agree with Kim - good horoscopes, but
yours are just so..so...SPECIAL, Laurie!
Posted by: Shirley at April 1, 2007 11:29 AM
COOL on you with the Guest Astrologer! Your's are durn funny though! I will totally go check out Phyllis' page. How did you find her? Is she one of us? (ya know... crazy cat lady, knitting junky, blog readin/writin' peeps)
Posted by: Anonymous at April 1, 2007 12:04 PM
Dear Laurie,
My horoscopes don't ever resemble my life. What's wrong with me? Was I hijacked by aliens and re-programmed with a different sign? Did my parents lie about my birthday? Did I get amnesia, assume another person's identity and have been living under false pretenses? Or are my yin and yang wrestling with my Id and Ego for control and trampled my astrological truth in the process? Maybe it's the feng shui in my house in Belgium. All that brick has me blocked. Even the planets can't influence me now. Should I send in an astrological change of address? Just wonderin!
Posted by: V-Grrrl at April 1, 2007 12:05 PM
Thanks, Phyllis,for the news I can use!
Posted by: Erin at April 1, 2007 12:24 PM
look at you with special guests now. just like an aaron spelling drama.
Posted by: maryse at April 1, 2007 01:53 PM
OH MY LORD, LAURIE!!! You know Phyllis!?!?!
I know her, too! Like, personally and everything! She is positively spooky when she's doing her thing. She's also a wonderful, nice, positive person to go along with it.
And here I am coming out to L.A. and potentially meeting you too!
The small world thing is getting stranger and stranger, and there are fewer and fewer strangers in it.
Posted by: Anna-Liza at April 1, 2007 02:38 PM
A good Aries hor-o-scope? Still like yours better but it was a nice change and I got some forward motion coming.
Posted by: psychomom at April 1, 2007 03:32 PM
I'm always obsessive about my horoscope, but that just gave me chills.
Posted by: Heather B. at April 1, 2007 03:39 PM
I would like to know why MY horrorscopes never mention SEX.
I'm going over there to pout now.
Posted by: The Other Ruth at April 1, 2007 03:44 PM
If you ever DO find a "Planet of Mr. X", please let me know. I would like to send MY "Mr. X" there . . . . :-)
Posted by: Dizzy Ms. Lizzy at April 1, 2007 04:12 PM
No – it hasn’t been your imagination – the astrological energies have been kinda tough on you ... even bringing matters of your career, home life, and heck, even your relationships to an "either this changes or I’m leaving!" showdown.
Well, yes - I'm leaving my job, leaving my flat, moving to London, and to top it all off I just got a wonderful new boyfriend who will soon be my ex boyfriend because I have to leave him behind! (he didn't like my legs in the suitcase, torso in the backpack, and head in the hand luggage suggestion. Probably mighty hard to get past the xray machine anyway...)
Posted by: sarah at April 1, 2007 04:24 PM
Whatever else, the little I know about the coming month, She's RIGHT! I wish I'd heard it from you, of course, but good news is good. "Never refuse to drink champagne from a paper cup" said Link on the Mod Squad. (OMG how old IS she!)
Posted by: k at April 1, 2007 04:53 PM
Wow, a professional astrologer/psychologist and pictures and everything! I'm impressed, Laurie! I was rather hoping Sobakowa would make the fortunes this month, accompanied by her mentor, Roy T. Wonderful, but I'll take Phyllis' instead :)
Have a happy day!
Posted by: Leslie at April 1, 2007 05:02 PM
Well, thanks for the surprise.. But I prefer yours !
Posted by: klari at April 1, 2007 05:09 PM
This is so. unbelievably. freaky. Not only is my 'scope pretty accurate for what I'm going through, but my husband's seems to be spot on as well.
But I do miss your twang and humor that are essential flavors of my monthly horror-o-scope.
Posted by: Kristina at April 1, 2007 06:18 PM
You mean everyone doesn't use Firefox already?! (giggles). Love the horoscopes.. although mine makes me a little nervous for the next few days.
Posted by: Beth at April 1, 2007 06:18 PM
Thank you, Astrologer Phyllis, I can't wait to flaunt my sex appeal from April 7th through mid-May. Laurie, be careful!
Posted by: Neil at April 1, 2007 07:28 PM
Okay, I'm going to hope that the fact that for Aries, "The Thrill of Beginning Something New – possibly with someone new" over the days that I'll be camping doesn't mean a raccoon or fox or coyote as the "someone new". Yeek.
Posted by: tasha. at April 1, 2007 08:24 PM
Wow! I can't wait for the 11th, but I hope it is not with some one new... I really love the partner that I have now. I would hate to have to train someone new!!! And frankly, if it came to that, I would rather join a convent or the Pease Corps or something.
Posted by: Dale at April 1, 2007 08:52 PM
Wow, I'm so excited to be a commentor (er?) under a hundred that I lost what I was going to say!
Oh, wow, what a horoscope. Glad to see it wasn't all in my mind! Thanks!
Posted by: Frank at April 1, 2007 08:53 PM
Laurie, I hope you did a hardcore samba on the way to the machine and back. Because me? I did a whole week's worth of cardio in that three hours of classes.
Posted by: Dagny at April 1, 2007 09:08 PM
What a RELIEF!!! (I'm a Cancer, too.) Every March horoscope I read had me panicking because of the dire predictions. FINALLY one that contains hope! About time. I AM worn thin, and the problems truly ARE because of other people's choices or lack thereof (Mothers, pleasepleaseplease be very specific in your Wills, because you never know how your offspring might interpret them). Here is me raising a toast to you and the Guest Astrologer in thanks for giving my Ass(-trological Self) a break!
Posted by: Jeanne B. at April 1, 2007 11:42 PM
HOW DO YOU PEOPLE KNOW??!!!?????
But I do think a horoscope may lend itself more easily to a limerick format rather than haiku. "There once a was a ..."
Posted by: Sue F. at April 2, 2007 02:47 AM
This Scorp with Pisces on the ascendant and moon in cancer (or vice versa) is fascinated by how positive the horrorscopes are this month. Since DH has accepted the job in Colorado, BIG changes coming up!
Posted by: lynne s of Oz at April 2, 2007 05:18 AM
So very wicked cool! I had a reading done by Phyllis years ago & she was totally right about everything. Need to save shekels for another reading.
BTW... your pictures show up okay on my Internet Explorer.
Posted by: Bonnie at April 2, 2007 06:26 AM
How exciting! Thanks for the intro to Astrologer Phyllis! And I got chills reading my scope, because I am going through so much change right now, and am anxious about what's to come in the next month and a half, and wow, I better start digging for that confidence that us Gemini's are supposed to possess! :) I'm going to need it!
Posted by: Amy at April 2, 2007 06:27 AM
Thanks Phyllis! You rock! I'm a Cancer and your accuracy is spookycool!
"New ideas are percolating, helpful people are coming to the rescue, and inspired realizations are returning that can show you what new steps to take to create more abundance and professional success. "
Woo hoo! This is exactly what I needed to hear!!
Posted by: ~drew emborsky~ at April 2, 2007 06:48 AM
I love any horoscope that starts out "Lucky You!" Oh, it's great to be Sagittarius. Thanks.
Posted by: amie at April 2, 2007 07:39 AM
Wow. Phyllis' Leo-cast was most excellent, but Purl's rocks pretty awesomely too.
(You use the ghetto slang; I'm still stuck in the '80s. Sigh.)
Cats survived the weekend Chez Frank but were much nicer to him on Sunday, once they were back at my house. We think they'll do better once "their" furniture is in his place.
And does it count as blog-stalking if Laurie turns up in my dreams? I dreampt last night that my wedding had inexplicably been moved up to April and my dress (which I am making - dark pink, street length, thanks much!) wasn't done and who do I run into, coming out of an office building, impecably dressed, but Laurie! (whom I have never met in person.) She was completely non-phased that of course I recognized her, but couldn't understand why I was so frazzled.
Weird. Gotta cut out the Coke Zero before bed. I hope that dream fortells a good week free of wardrobe malfunctions for CAP!
Posted by: OtherLisa at April 2, 2007 08:32 AM
I appreciate the celeb horoscope, but I miss my Crazy Aunt Purl's ghetto-slang-ridden horoscopes!!!
Posted by: Vanessa at April 2, 2007 09:29 AM
Sure ya'll miss the slang now LOL. DON'T THINK I'LL LET YOU FORGET IT!!! hahahahaha
Isn't Astrologer Phyllis pretty? I would like some cheekbones, please.
Also, Happy Monday!
Posted by: laurie at April 2, 2007 09:32 AM
CAP I checked in hoping for a new post this lunch break, but that's okay, what I really wanted to tell you was I thought of you last night when I made gumbo. I am so glad your Daddy made you okra gumbo while he was visiting. :)
Posted by: dez at April 2, 2007 09:32 AM
Dez -- and guess what I did yesterday... drumroll please... I planted 12 okra plants in the raised bed garden in the back forty!!!!!
I hope they grow.
:)
I will have a new post tomorrow. Hope you had a lovely weekend!
Posted by: laurie at April 2, 2007 09:48 AM
Holy Moly! That's freakin' me out! Thanks for the guest reading, Laurie.
Posted by: Karen in Toledo at April 2, 2007 09:56 AM
"No – it hasn’t been your imagination – the astrological energies have been kinda tough on you ... "
I feel SO VALIDATED! I thought the shitstorm that has been my so-called life as of late was all my doing. Once again, my narcissism has been thwarted, and my blame-assessing-ray-gun gets a new target--it's not my fault! It's the planets' fault! And things are going to get better!
This is truly the best news I've had in about forever.
Posted by: Monica at April 2, 2007 10:43 AM
Peppers? Okra? Laissez les bon gumbo rouler!
Posted by: Jill of the 7 cats at April 2, 2007 10:55 AM
I just realized yesterday was April Fools (watch out I'm quick). Does that mean these Horoscopes are are a prank?
Ummmmmm Okra. Had some the other day for the first time. Not bad for a Veggie.
Posted by: psychomom at April 2, 2007 10:56 AM
No, psychomom, I don't do April Fool's Day. I think my life is weird and unpredictable enough without adding in practical jokes. I am sort of like a walking pratfall as it is. "My life is like the three stooges... in Spanish..."
Posted by: laurie at April 2, 2007 11:28 AM
Gracias mi amiga. Mi no likey the jokes either.
Posted by: psychomom at April 2, 2007 12:22 PM
"...or tried to get the Pisces folks to re-enlist for random hugging..."
You mean... we weren't supposed to? Ack I might have cooties now!
Posted by: Stephieface at April 2, 2007 03:21 PM
Yes, you were supposed to.. but I heard many pisceans were very resistant to the concept ;)
Posted by: laurie at April 2, 2007 03:23 PM
That was exactly what this Cancer needed to hear! Thanks!!
Posted by: leslie at April 2, 2007 05:47 PM
Change in my future
Yet again. Can't it ever say,
"Kick back, get comfy"?
Posted by: Lucia at April 2, 2007 06:46 PM
If these things keep being so darn accurate in what is going on with my life I may have to start calling you and paying you to be my own personal psychic! haha! Even if it's guest hor-o-scopes!
Oh, Victor has friends living in my cupboards. I posted pictures up of them on my blog for you. Kitchen Coral it looks like to me!
Posted by: cheesehead with sticks at April 2, 2007 08:37 PM
Hiya Crazy Aunt Purl, ok I am crazily obsessive I have been reading your archives for 13 hours. Drinking tea and sitting here with my eyeballs squinting at the screen now! You might think I am a stalker...because I don't knit...Yikes!
I enjoyed every post right from the beginning. Although, I have to come back again to read more of your hilariously crazy archives.(playing catch up)
I have to say I love love love the way you LOVE your kitties!! You are awesome and good luck in all that you do. Looking so forward to reading every day! I'll Be Back! ;)
Posted by: Jackie at April 3, 2007 12:51 AM
A horrorscope of limericks, eh?
I suppose, Jeanne B, you were thinking of something like these (and yes, I too think the homespun variety of horrorscope was more entertaining -- and what's more, NO LESS USEFUL):
ARIES
This month it is time to renew
Your subscription to life; time to woo!
Pick some propitious dates
And ram on your skates --
It's never too early to screw.
TAURUS
At heart you're a plodder -- no bull;
On your eyes you prefer to wear wool.
But prepare for a trip,
And get a good grip:
Fate wants you to go on the pull.
GEMINI
Symmetrical shapes can mislead:
In your case, they're just what I need
As you're seizing my dreams
Of our climactic screams --
Your twins are my good friends indeed.
CANCER
Your passive-aggressiveness sucks --
Put a stop to your bootlicking flux!
Though you're crabbed and bizarre,
You must follow your star
Towards romance, and row-gotten ducks.
LEO
You're gregarious, but prone to derail,
As the losers surrounding you wail --
But you shouldn't whine
About toeing their line:
Their death, in the end, will prevail.
VIRGO
I hardly know where to begin:
Your life's in a maidenly spin!
But keep eyeing the prize
As you pull down his flies;
I promise, you'll be in like Flynn.
LIBRA
Today, tear the scales from your eyes --
This city is bulging with guys!
It seems such a waste
To be chased, yet so chaste;
But soon, things will be on the rise.
SCORPIO
Though the season is currently Spring,
When I see you... Oh Death, where's thy sting?
You look like a weed
That no parents would breed;
But like them, to vain hope I still cling.
SAGITTARIUS
Confused? Well, you should be! That's you,
Just darting through life's ballyhoo!
But fortune outrageous
Is sometimes contagious...
Or so I read in your tattoo.
CAPRICORN
You're devious, and greedy, and mad,
Though that's not necessarily bad --
If it helps you get laid,
Then your hand is well played,
And satyrs make most of us glad.
AQUARIUS
Oh dear! What a sticky old mess!
Your life's like a torn wedding dress!
-- Though some of its rips
Recall buckings of hips;
I suppose that's a kind of success.
PISCES
You're unstable, spontaneous and wild,
At best, an undisciplined child;
But that's great for sex
And the power to vex:
Your baiting makes six boyfriends riled.
Posted by: Erik K at April 3, 2007 03:14 AM
Okay, I do not normally believe in horoscopes, but my husband and I have had so many heartbreaks and troubles lately, I have to believe mine just to keep my sanity. Thanks for posting.
Posted by: Cheesy Knit Wit at April 3, 2007 05:46 AM
Hmmm. It's April third as I write this. I assumed this post was an April Fool's prank, but if it was, shouldn't you have come clean by now for people who might be taken in by it? If, God forbid, this wasn't an April Fool's joke, I hope you got paid well for turning your blog into advertising space for this person.
I come here for your delightful writing, including the jokey horoscopes. I don't come so much seeking ads for fraudsters who prey on the superstitious.
I really hope we can look forward to more Crazy Aunt Purl writing, not ads aimed at the gullible and anxious.
Posted by: April Fool, right? at April 3, 2007 07:17 AM
I had typed an entire manifesto here defending myself and the very lovely Phyllis who was kind enough to do all this work for April, I was all sniffly and hurt and panties-in-a-bunch, but now that I have had lunch and stepped back for a few minutes and thought about this more clearly ...
For the record: I did not get any money. I ASKED Phyllis to write these April forecasts. And I loved them! Phyllis is a lovely and kind and sweet lady. And I myself am not out to do something evil or mean or horrible to the gullible and anxiety-ridden. In fact, I am often gullible and anxiety-ridden.
Unfortunately, I am not very good with character attacks. (Unless you make plus-size clothing for a living THEN I HAVE SOME WORDS FOR YOU, OH YES I DO.) (Stop the applique madness! And the formal shorts! For the love of God!)
So, listen -- I am not a business. I am not a corporation. I am not made of Teflon Coating. I am just a girl living in the valley with a cat infestation. I have fears and anxieties and worries just like everyone.
I started doing my little horoscopes for fun. In the future, I will either write them again or I won't but I'm not about adding stress here, because if I wanted stress I would shop at Macy's Women's department (Formal shorts!!! WHY???) so ... new proclamation! I'm not going to host negativity about ASTROLOGY for heaven's sakes. In the future I will use the fabled "delete" mechanism or disable comments altogether. Either way, sorry you thought I was a fraudster preying on the weak. Totally not my intention! Sorry for the mix up! Thanks!
Posted by: laurie at April 3, 2007 10:42 AM
