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April 1, 2007

Special Edition: April Hor-O-Scopes!

Ya'll know I do love to write my little horoscopes and throw around some ghetto slang while working in things that seem vaguely horoscopey, such as "Put your panties on during Mercury transiting your House Of Margaritas." Yes, indeed.

And while this is a fine way to live your life, sometimes you have the good luck and planetary bingo to stumble on actual, real bonafide Astrological Greatness! This month I am so excited to share with you REAL and AWESOME Horoscopes written by Astrologer Phyllis!

phyllis-mitz.gif PHYLLIS F. MITZ, M.A., has had a flourishing astrology practice for close to 30 years now. Her unique blend of astrology, psychology (in which she holds her master’s degree) and spiritual focus (in which she is pursuing a Doctorate Degree) gives counsel to thousands of people from all walks of life, including celebrities, politicians, and corporate executives (she would not tell me WHO EXACTLY, but I plan to get her drunk sometime in the future, see "House of Margaritas," and find out and as soon as I do I will let ya'll know) (because I am giving that way).

She wrote these April forecasts just for Crazy Ol' Aunt Readers, and I hope ya'll will give her a big happy welcome and also go visit her website, astrologerphyllis.com. There she does trend reports and all kinds of planetary goodness on a very regular basis.

With that I now present to you.... drumroll please.....


Phyllis F. Mitz, M.A’s
ASTROLOGICAL FORECASTS FOR APRIL 2007 (!!!)


Aries (March 21st-April 19th)
Despite having to deal with some annoying insecurities and/or behind-the-scenes-disruptions April can end up being a pretty great month for you. What makes it great? Movement! Between April 11th-27th Mercury ignites the good decisions, excellent communications, and fun trips that inspire your favorite feeling: The Thrill of Beginning Something New – possibly with someone new. You might be especially empowered April 16,17,and 20 as your ideas catch fire and lead to strong, expansive success. Go for it! What to do about those pesky fears or unexpected issues popping up? Treat them like you do everything else: as a challenge to become even more of a hero. But don’t be afraid to plan on good stuff happening in 2007 -you’ve (finally!) got plenty of forward motion coming!

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Taurus (April 20 –May 21st)
No – it hasn’t been your imagination – the astrological energies have been kinda tough on you ... even bringing matters of your career, home life, and heck, even your relationships to an "either this changes or I’m leaving!" showdown. Well, good news: Life will be calming down and easing up ...a little. Venus traveling through your sign will make you wonderfully magnetic, appealing and even savvier at negotiating matters to get your way through April 11th. Then she helps strengthen your favorite Taurus subjects of security and finances through the end of the month and even allures some valuable relationships into your court as well. All in all your social life will be perked up in April with some amazing dynamics with friends and generous folks who want to help you to reach your goals. Be cautious, however, during the wild energies of April 27th - April 29th, as someone might exit your life as quickly as they entered it. If they were that shaky, you didn’t want them anyway, sweet Taurus.

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Gemini (May 22nd- June21st)
Thank God you’re as savvy as you are, Gemini, and as flexible and eager to change, too! You’ll need those gifts through most of April as there’ll be shake-ups galore happening all around you – especially in your career and relationships. Many are surprising, some might be anticipated, but all are trying to lead you to capitalizing on the new ideas and alliances that are now starting to hover. Let’s put it this way: If something isn’t going to work, or if someone isn’t going to stick around, you’ll most likely realize it April 1st, 2nd, 7th, 20th, 21st, and April 27th-29th. Forget looking back, as whatever falls apart can open doors for even better prospects and relationships. That’s especially true from April 13th on as Venus transits your sign and amplifies that attractive, witty allure that you’re famous for! Capitalize on that. In fact, this whole year of 2007 is chock full of powerful, inspiring people and partners (and some mysterious strangers) who can help make your life fascinating and deliver amazing projects to your doorstep. Just don’t be so seduced by others’ power that you give them yours. Do what Geminis do best: Watch and learn from others and make it your own.

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Cancer (June 22nd – July 22nd)
Even though you’re quite a strong creature, Cancer, your recent money, health, and/or relationship issues may be wearing you a little thin. Plus, since so many of your challenges have come as a result of other people’s choices (or lack of them) you can feel left hanging - rarely a welcome position for a security-oriented crab! Not to worry – the picture is changing! New ideas are percolating, helpful people are coming to the rescue, and inspired realizations are returning that can show you what new steps to take to create more abundance and professional success. What should you do? Use your instincts and intuition to flesh out what is really important to you and what you really should let go of in order to move on. Even the abrupt shifts in plans and expectations that might pop up April 1st - 2nd, 27th – 29th can end up resulting in lucky opportunities and insights that promote your dreams even further. Travel, write that book (or letter) and take a class in something that inspires you and you’ll start to see that doors magically opening for you that you wouldn’t dream of even knocking on!

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Leo (July 23rd – Aug. 22nd)
Wow! Having Saturn, the Personal Trainer of the zodiac, traveling through your sign has forced you to work hard this past year and to grow in ways you weren’t even sure you were capable of. Plus, the very thing that makes your world go ‘round - partnerships and love – might have been a little tough, too, if not weird and disappointing. All this could have deflated your normal sassy confidence, but there’s good news: The energies that have been challenging, delaying, and even blocking you are (finally!) moving forward! New ideas, contacts, and opportunities are beginning to materialize that show you why all that ordinary drudgery you’ve been enduring has been worth it. Positive momentum begins around April 11th with really exciting spikes of goodness hitting April 20th, 21st, 24th, 25th. Will everyone around you settle down and do what you expect them to do? No. Expect some sudden shifts with money, sex, or other people’s crises affecting you, especially April 2nd, 3rd, 27th -29th. Just use your magnificent largesse so any differences between you and they can be worked out in that win-win gain you’re famous for. That way, even if you discover you have to let someone or something go, you’ll know you have tried your best.

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Virgo (Aug. 23rd – Sept. 22nd)
The good news is you are growing and stretching like mad this year, Virgo! The challenging news is it might be wackier, faster, and messier than your orderly self would have ever imagined or even preferred. Take the ride, keep reaching for the brass ring, and forget about getting it all perfect. (The trick is understanding everything really is perfect…just not the way you might define perfection!) You’re experiencing transits from many different angles that are prompting amazing changes in your life: On the one hand, powerful energies are pushing you to get into a bigger game (possibly at work), even if you don’t feel certain how to play, especially April 7th, 8th, 20th,21st, and 22nd. On the other hand, the relationships and structures you’ve depended on are suddenly shifting or even ending, leaving you to deal with a whole new set of circumstances and expectations, especially April 1st-3rd, and 28th-30th. Your job is to be smart enough to adjust your self image to meet these new challenges and to be creative enough to make positive use out of whatever goes on around you, which you certainly are, Virgo! Look at it this way: You’re in a personal growth marathon. You might not think you signed up for it, but you did. Prove something great to yourself.

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Libra (Sept. 23rd – Oct. 22nd)
People! Trips! Love! Friendship! Phone Calls! Opportunities! …and other glorious and social activities are aspected for you most of this month of April, Libra! Indeed, your ideas are bright, your communications are clear, and adoring people are all around, making good relationships ripe for the picking. So use your delightful attitude and social contacts to negotiate, make plans, travel and seal deals, especially on April 20th - 21st, and 29th -30th. Your challenge might be sorting out how much time to devote to every (new) opportunity, invitation, and offer you receive. That said, there’s still some issues in your life that even your most charming and devoted concerns can’t fix, since they’re not really your problem, (even if they affect you). Take care of your health, be super flexible about your working conditions and if anything points to a need for changes in those areas, make them. You are on an upswing. Have fun.

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Scorpio (Oct. 23rd – Nov. 22nd)
No doubt about it: The past few months have been intense and dramatic for you, Scorpio. Confrontations and crises might have been rampant: some involved you and affected you, others didn’t involve you, but still affected you anyway. The good news is that, although your changes are far from over, at least most of the shoes that were going to drop have done so, leaving you with a clearer picture of what you’re dealing with. Even better, the energies gathering now are working more for your benefit. So use your characteristic of being the “Phoenix” - one who rises from the ashes into something more glorious - and carry on. Even during the dates when surprises and unexpected shifts are erupting, matters can end up promoting you, supporting your goals, or bringing people into your life who love you and who are compassionate to your wants and needs, especially April 2nd-5th and 26th-30th. Use the innovative ideas on the 20th and 22nd to further your goals, possibly financially, and use the revelations on the 26th-28th to discover who’s in your court and who isn’t. And then do what you must.

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Sagittarius (Nov. 23rd- Dec. 22nd)
Lucky you! Your expansive ruling planet, Jupiter, is transiting Sagittarius all year, promising you substantial growth, meaningful inspirations, and fascinating connections. Your challenge is to keep your passions focused on growing what’s really worthwhile to you, while avoiding going overboard in activities that won’t really benefit you. Fortunately, the astrological energies this April will help you figure all this out. Abrupt course corrections the first 11days of April and from April 26th-30th show you what or who you might have to let go of or change in order to meet with success. But between April 12th-27th there are loads of powerful, creative, and yes, lucky aspects that will fire you up, promote your creativity, tingle your love life, and help you to expand most anything else you want to express. So do what Sagittarians do best: Look upon the changes, surprises and course alterations as learning experiences that teach you something truly valuable about yourself and life. And enjoy the ride!

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Capricorn (Dec.23rd – Jan 20th)
Money, security, things you share with others, including sex, and all that correlates with those issues may have been a little tricky lately, as you may not have been able to control the circumstances involved there. Good news: While April still holds loads of surprises in your plans, agreements, and contracts, they can end up being good surprises that help promote your plans in ways you wouldn’t have imagined. You might even discover you have some behind-the-scenes allies working for you, even if their methods aren’t always what you expect or agree with, especially between April 20th-22nd. Continue to use your characteristic caution and patient checking things out and know that later in the year you’ll able to direct matters in much more solid ways. Life is riled up for a reason now, Capricorn: You’re finding out how clever and adaptable you really are and how your problem-solving skills can work matters so everyone gains, including you, from what at first might appear as a problem.

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Aquarius (Jan.21st-Feb. 18th)
It’s been a weird time for you, Aquarius: Neptune, the planet that brings a “surrender” influence to it has been playing havoc with your sense of control. Mars transiting your sign, too, through April 6th makes you sexy, but also riles up situations and relationship dynamics that call for quite a bit of finesse and negotiations. Don’t take any of the relationship or financial challenges you’ve been experiencing personally – they’re either there to strengthen your resolve or to be an agent of your change in destiny. But do expect some shifts this month that show you what will work and what won’t. The good news is innovative ideas and clever alliances jumpstart new projects and solutions that can really benefit you, especially after April 11th. You might even find yourself quite popular and magnetic! Just be sure that you get all the facts straight and have some “plan b’s” in your back pocket incase someone or something doesn’t work the way you’ve planned.

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Pisces (Feb. 19th- March 20th)
Perhaps more than anyone else, you have been experiencing both the restlessness and the wild surprises that come from having many planets in your sign, including Uranus, the planet of freedom and of sudden changes. It’s likely changes are happening in many areas of your life, some planned and ignited by you, and others unplanned and ignited by others. The great news is you’ll be unusually super-charged for the entire month of April! Mercury traveling through your sign will prompt loads of communications, activities, and decisions through April 10th. Then Mars further empowers you to take all sorts of actions and flaunt your sex appeal from April 7th through mid-May. These planets help build your confidence and magnetism, and stimulate your enthusiasm for new goals. Just watch you don’t go overboard, or count on things happening in certain ways you expect them to, especially April 1st-4th and 27th-29th when shake-ups are likely. Look upon whatever happens with this attitude: How can I use this to become even more free?


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So those are April forecasts from Astrologer Phyllis. She has a new book out right now, too, called Astrology's Secrets to Hot Romance... And Long-Lasting Relationships, Too.

hot-romance.gif And in the spirit of full disclosure ... nobody paid me to promote this or sent me free planets or threatened me with a mercury retrograde. I just happen to think Astrologer Phyllis is really quality and awfully good people and thought ya'll should meet her!

Oh! And before you make my bagel-covered sex mistake of last month (see: Rabbi Shmuley's Kosher Sex, hrmph! Not about sex in a bagel factory after all!) this is not some raunchy "Ram Meets Crab" (hah) sex book. It's a thoughtful, usable handbook on how to understand, love and yes ... sometimes tolerate members of every sign.

The Official Descrition (which has no bagel implications) says:
Astrology’s Secrets To Hot Romance … (And Long Lasting Relationships, Too!) Is incredibly fun reading and brimming with the juicy truths, insightful revelations, and good-to-know facts that reveal how you can attract, love and deeply connect with members of every sign of the zodiac. Hot Romance not only describes specific ways to make your love life flourish, it also gives you countless techniques and insider’s advice on making all of your relationships successful and satisfying from friendships to family to coworkers. It’s the must-have relationship book! 520 pages. Here it is on Amazon.com

I was really excited to get the hook-up with Astrologer Phyllis this month, it's such an honor to have a well-respected and published astrologer writing horoscopes here. It almost makes me a little embarrassed about all the times I tried to form the Cancers into a street gang, or tried to get the Pisces folks to re-enlist for random hugging, or the time I tried to convince ya'll there was a Planet Of Mr. X.

But you know next month I'll be back doing it all over again. Maybe in Haiku format as I have been threatening for months now. Yo, yo!


Ya'll, I don't know why the pictures don't show up in Microsoft internet explorer. Blame some egghead somewhere. Then go download Mozilla Firefox, that's the web browser I use. Lord help me and the technology.

Posted by laurie at April 1, 2007 8:53 AM