snort. she did not!

what's a princess seam?

Actually, she might not have.... Princess Diana had high colonics three times a week. (I can hardly remember my own name, yet I can recall this fact a decade after the woman's death. Hopeless!)

How did you know that I was just in the restroom with a proper lady who, well, you know....
The difference between men and women is huge. My husband loves to tell the story of being at the Gym when a VERY HIGH RANKING POLITICO used the bathroom. Everyone saw him come in, enter the stall and cut a big one, so big that all the guys in the dressing room came into look and snicker. Women would never do that. We would just shrink away and pretend it never happened.

Think of it this way, if you don't poop, you have extre-eme pain and explode inside and die.

I'll poop, thank you.

I think maybe we all needed that "Everybody Poops" book that the kids today get. (By "we" I mean "everyone who doesn't like to discuss such things" including "me".)
I'm not so much offended, but I guess I was just raised to view that stuff as "private". However, I'm not a dash-home-to-pooper. That's just not healthy. I've perfected the flush-constantly method. Really, I should patent it and market it! Flush Away Thy Vanity and Pride!

My family didn't speak of such things either, except when absolutely necessary. Four kids later, I'm pretty much over it.

Oddly, I had just been reading here, www.overheardeverywhere.com, and one of the most recent posts is about a poor harried mom in Wal-mart ... scroll down to the entry with the headline beginning "Fisher Price".

Poop, poop, poop!

Lol! I am from your kind of family. My husband's family on the other hand...well, that was an adjustment.

Princess Di's poo probably smelled like English roses!

First of all, I LOVE your stream of consciousness!! I have similar streams but I cant convey them to paper so eloquently.

Second, I've worked for High Finance Inc. and while we were all dressed the same in suits and panty hose, etc., the girl we all secretly admired was the quirky girl who dressed professionally enough so she couldnt get in trouble, but still casual enough to be comfortable! She was the one who let her personality shine thru while the rest of us were clones. I bet she even took pictures in the bathroom.....

LOL - my family doesn't discuss poop... my husbands family asks "how are your bowels" just after - "hey good to see you, how have you been?" a real shocker - and usually my answer is - not working b/c mine don't work well away from home either. miss judy is right about that too :)

Oh my - I laughed with tears. And then I wiped them away WITH the make up I had just finished sneaking on my face here in The Cube. LOL. In my early 20's I had a friend from the South who was so proud when she began to burp (more like little 'chirps'). She said her mother told them that if they had to 'bubble' to excuse themselves and go into the bathroom. Laurie I simply love to see a new CAP post - you are a great writer.

Oh my gosh ... first 10 commenters? This has to be some kind of record for me ...

Anywho ... I am not a big poop-talker ... but one time someone did the same thing to me-- apologized for their, umm ... bodily noises in the restroom at work.

I was uncomfortable ... but I replied with "don't worry, it happens to us all sometime". Which is true. I know it and she knew it ... so why did she have to apologize? Why did we have to DISCUSS it?

You should live with Taz for about a week, after which you would probably feel free to join right in on our rendition of "If You're Happy And You Know It." Let's just say that some things are best dealt with by a liberal application of not-necessarily-genteel humor.

Also, please note that poop is essential to the growing of onions, and pretty much any other plant for that matter.

Okay, Princess Diana maybe, but what about Mother Teresa?

OMGosh *blushing* Have you ever been to a gastroenterologist?? They ask the most, uh, intimate sensory questions. Fortunately, I am raising two boys, and am getting over my embarrassment, a little. But the other day Boy A said, "My teacher said 'scat' is a better word to use than 'poop'. My first thought was, does the teacher think we use bad words at our house? My second thought was about Ella Fitzgerald and Clark Terry.....

We don't talk about that in my family. We talked about a lot of "gross" stuff at the dinner table, but not so much poop. As such, I never developed the "have a complete conversation in the bathroom" gene that most guys seem to have. I hate bathroom talkers when they want to include you. It's like they don't get I'm not exactly in the mood to talk about the TPS reports and I'll be happy to help them when I'm sitting at my desk, not the stall.

Yep, another SOuthern girl represented here. We did not have Bodily Functions in my family either. I remember being fairly young and thinking I was the only girl who did such things and felt so unnatural. Little did I know. Oprah always says that same thing, everybody poops and it is what keeps everyone at the same level.

And also? I don't poop in public restrooms unless they are empty. Is that some kind of phobia? I know everyone does it ... I just DO NOT WANT anyone else to ummm ... be present when I do it. I have issues. I will go to another floor to find an empty restroom if I have to.

And also? I love that you talk about poop on your blog. he he he ... poop.

Weird, but then again I grew up in Minnesota and in middle school we talked about poop and dookie and sang the Diarrhea song.

Okay, you do realize that this woman probably spent the weekend writing on HER blog about her "interesting" restroom encounter, right?

Also, there's another instant cure to not being able to talk about poop (other than mentioning Princess Diana). Just become a mom. I had NO IDEA that having a kid meant that my entire life and virtually every conversation would suddenly become about poop: how often, color, consistency, etc. Thankfully, we are approaching the tail end (hee) of potty training so I'm looking forward to returning to my non-awareness of poop.

Except for CAP blog entries, of course.

I want you to come over to my place and tell me stories when I am feeling low - or awkward - or whatever.

That. Was. Awesome.

Laurie, as you know, I was raised just down the bayou from you, and while I never was ANY good at the perfect-hair-and-makeup part of being a Southern Lady, I have always been very good at being a respectable cowgirl, in jeans or a broomstick skirt and roper boots, and with all of my underwear on every single day.

Even during Madonna's reign over the world of fashion, my underwear stayed on the inside, where it's supposed to be.

My Mom came from a family which simply did not acknowledge the existence of poop, pee, farts, grown ladies' undergarments, or any bodily orifices not located on the head (and then even "nostrils" were questionable).

My dad's family would venture so far as to say things like "bowel movement" or "where is the restroom?" Ironically, our house was the unofficial neighborhood animal shelter, and there was waste to be removed every day, but nobody ever actually said the word "poop." Mom would say, "please go clean the kennel run and let me know if you find anything that looks unhealthy, or if you find any worms." We housed Gawd-knows-how-many homeless cats and dogs without ever actually saying "poop." My grandmother died of uterine cancer -- this I learned at the age of 42, until then I was told she had "abdominal cancer." And it was my aunt, a retired nurse, who told me this, not my mom. I suppose that being a nurse made her think that she was being very scientific and not unladylike.

Of course, now I have grown up to be an animal sheltering professional, so I have to talk about poo ALL THE TIME, in rooms FULL of other people talking about poo, and poo management, and poo-related diseases.

I just know my grandmother is rolling in her grave.

In my great big yankee family we discuss poop, at length, in detail and at dinner. really. I'm still always amazed that people never discuss poop.

"even Princess Diana pooped!" I love it!

We're poop-talkers. We can talk about it any time, any where. POOP!

You are too much and I love it!

I have VERY creative ways of explaining gastrointestinal distress amidst polite company! "My stomach is bothering me." So there!

I'm not from the south, I'm from new england; where we are very pragmatic and yet still decidedly prudish about such topics. I'm OK with that. I have no desire to discuss these things and when it's entirely necessary, those in my circle stick to vague reference and euphemisms such as "stomach problems."

I think, though, my most uncomfortable experience was one I didn't have myself. A vendor was in my office with me, one day, we had been working together for quite a while so we had a relatively friendly rapport. In a pause in something he was explaining he made a noise...a long, extended noise, and both of us just stopped. I could see him deciding whether to pretend it didn't happen or say something and he finally said "I am so sorry." Of course, I brushed it off, but for the weekend, I was so mortified on his behalf, I could hardly sleep. I had real life embarrassment sympathy pains.

The other way to divide families is those that are naked and those that are not. I am not from a naked family. My mom is just a modest person. Her sister, my aunt, raised her family exactly the opposite. Nakedness at any given moment. I always found that very odd.

Oh, girl. I even begin to tell you on which side of this particular fence MY family can be found. You couldn't handle it. Let's just say that my dear mother, bless her heart, believes that ALL conversations eventually come around to EITHER sex OR diarrhea.

I sh*t you not.

CAN'T even begin, I meant to say!

My grandmother, by all definitions a nice Southern lady from Tennessee, never called it poop. You had a "BM". And you were supposed to have your BM on a schedule, at the same time every day. When I was around 8 or 9 years old, she was aghast that I just went when I needed to and that I wasn't on a schedule. Apparently she even brought my lack of a schedule up with my mother after my annual summer week long visit with her.

Fast forward about 15 years. She's dog sitting for me while I go on job interviews. We had a 10 minute discussion about my dog's "BM" habits (how many times a day, when, etc.) before I left town. No joke. I even got a report when I returned!

At a dinner party over the weekend, my friend's dad explained how he could eat all the butter he wanted, he had some meds that made all the fat pass out through his urine. That he could see the globules in the toilet when he went.

Then he proceeded to tell us that this med gave most people diarrhea, but he didn't care because he "wore a bag". I did not need to hear about globules of fat in his pee or his colostomy bag during dinner. Ewww!

Tehehehe I used to be utterly neurotic about poop. I had severe "everyone poops except ME" syndrome. I live in Texas and went to spend a month in the summer in Montana with friends and I think it was a solid week before I could bring myself to poop. It was AGONY.

Then I had a kid. I'd never dreamed of having children (he was a suprise) and suddenly I found myself in the hospital the night after giving birth and then there was this... smell. I gingerly lifted the edge of the diaper dreading what I knew must have happened and WHOO WEE BUDDY... so I picked up the diapers and the wipes and with a look of utter shock and horror buzzed the nurse to show me which end was up. LOL

Since that night and the weeks following I've become a proud pooper. I try to practice decorum when it comes to stinking up people's houses, but otherwise I just don't worry about it.

Janel - There's a DIARRHEA song? That must be a real humdinger...

laurie,

I LOVE your way with words!!! I can totally imagine standing next to you and you uttering thoses word......

I am Dying over here ROFL!!! Thank you for making me laugh and cry everyday!!!!

BTW, I am from a "poop" family!!!!

Yeah, what is a princess seam???
OMG. lol about that

Oh, honey, you should come to one of our sheep meetings! One of the restaurants we used to go to for our monthly meeting made the mistake of putting us in the front of the restaurant one time, and we nearly cleared the place discussing lambing and castrating issues! It was too funny for words. For us it was a very normal conversation, but they always put us in the back room after that!

I was raised southern-by-extension by Southerners on both sides in whole 'nother territory.
My mother, raised by a steel-in-perfumed-kid-glove southern belle, DID NOT discuss poop. Or farts. Or other bodily secretions. HOWEVER- after raising me ad my siblings with an iron fist of Southern refinement, she hit menopause and entered the phase of "Directng traffic in nightie with bra firmly on head" and now EVERYBODY poops, and she'll tell you ALL about it! Being raised to not discuss such things, let me tell you, it's MORTIFYING never knowing when my mother is going to launch into a dissertation about pet or grandchild poo in her soft, sweet southern voice.

I had to add....

although I come from a "poop" family I was still a bit shy to discuss or EVEN poop in certain places....I MUST SAY..after I had my second son and the whole poop experience I encountered...I am never embarrased to talk about or MAKE poop anywhere

After all, if you can poop while 7 people are watching and a GYNO "right there" you can do it anywhere - that was all thanks to the JOYS of birth with no enema prior to labor!!! LOL

Well, now that you've got us all talking about it....one of my mom's favorite questions is "And how are your bowels?" As a teenager I was mortified and would reply "Fine, thanks, and yours?" like the smart-mouth I was... Now, as a grown up, I realize that having a good day pretty much hinges on the state of your bowels!

This story just slayed me. See we have two bathrooms for each gender at my work. Each room has 9 stalls, with it being commonly - I thought - acknowledged that the last 3 stalls are where one went only if you had to do some pooping.

Apparently, I was wrong as it seems that every time I need to use those last few stalls, someone comes down and sits in one of the stalls next to me. Even when 8 stalls are empty, someone always needs to use the one right next to me. Then of course I can't poop because I have an audience in close proximity!

Isn't it a rule that you can't sit in the stall next to someone unless you know them or there aren't any other open seats?

princess seam ... it's the cut (on women's clothing) that gives such a lovely feminine fit ... princess seams are on the bodice of a garment. it's the seam that runs down from near the neck edge, across the bust and down to the hem. it's a combination of two darts for shaping. so, instead of two darts, they are merged into a seam. that's my unprofessional explanation. i sew, but i don't "research" sewing :)
poop: ha! ha! that was a great read :) i have been known to say and do inappropriate things (note: i am a southerner, but my parents are not) thus ... the conundrum. when i had s e x for the first time, i announced it to all my classmates! OMG! really. i did.
if anyone wants to overcome the hush-hush of bodily functions, ... well, that can be cured, by hiking hundreds of miles of the appalachian trail.

No one in my family ever had gas either . . . until I was much, much, older. And then my mother "tooted." My *husband* on the other hand is from the other side of the tracks! His daddy was from a small town in north Louisiana, Cotton Valley. They pass gas all day. My children don't have a chance.

This post made me laugh so hard I snorted.....(not being a well bred southern girl but a true Pacific Northwestern Tree Hugger.....I snort when I laugh :-) My boyfriend is from England, you'd think they would have some boundries in the poo talk area....nope, that boy talks about poop every chance he gets....he thinks poop / fart humor is just about the funniest subject ever......Go figure. Thanks for another wonderful post :-)

I, too, am from a non-poop-talk and non-money-talk family. I love how you've divided the world into the two groups. Makes it all so much more clear to me!

I'm from a half-southern family. We don't talk about such things. Ever.

Naturally, I now have a four year old son who talks of nothing else.

We were ordering at a drive-through burrito place the other day, and when I shouted into the microphone, "I'll have the fish burrito," he piped in from the back seat, "And a poopie."

The clerk was not amused.

You're killin' me.......

Need to redo my makeup.

Gosh! That reminds me of a HORRIBLE MOTHER story. My son was about two years old and was taking a bath. I was in the next room (I know, bad mother) but we lived in an apartment, so I was pretty close. Anyhoo, he got really quiet and I peeked in the bathroom and he had had a BM in the tub. Since my children pooped like bunnies, he was picking the little poopies out of the tub and making a "poop" man on the side of the tub! EWWWWWWWW!

Can't wait to tell the future girlfriend that story.

Laiane - There is a Diarrhea song, it's even in "The Parenthood". Steve Martin's kid sings it. Quite entertaining ;)

Oh, and worse -- a non-sex-talk family. Apparently the parents thought that finding it out from neighborhood kids was responsible sex education?

Ha! I heard on the news this morning that one of the reasons being bandied about for the great H.R.H. Prince William - Kate Middleton breakup was that her mother, upon meeting the queen said "Pleased to meet you." Apparently that is uncouth and "middle-class."
Then there was the time another member of her family referred to the bathroom as the "toilet" rather than the "lavatory."
No one does pomposity like the brits!

I think another angle is to answer by saying something like, "that's ok, it was pretty impressive."

Oh.My.Gawd. I was raised to be a true Southern Belle. In college my friends were convinced that when I did poop, it came out in little pink packages with a pink bow. I was a little uptight. Flash forward ____ years- I'm over it now. Still a home pooper, if I can help it!

I'm sure this comes as no surprise - but my family is a poop talking family. Sometimes people get embarassed by the talking but thats too bad.

Where this has come in handy is when the children get all gooey eyed over some celeb, I always tell them "everybody poops". Some may poop more often or more easier than others, but poop is the common human denominator. Totally killed the Britney Spears buzz for Gameboy - exactly what I had in mind ;)

i'm a southern fried texan and let me tell you i must not be from the debutante world! poop is a huge topic of conversation in my family! we joke and say "sh*t happens" is our family motto! i would say we talk more about constipation...even at dinner!

i thought i got away from that type of conversation when i married, until i had my first formal christmas dinner at my husband's (hollywood hills vice pres of the entertainment dept. at a bank) uncle's home. nothing like celebrating the birth of baby jesus and poop!

Hehehe!! I love this post. And your writing style. LOL!!

Omigosh, this post had me sitting here in my cube wiping away the tears, I was laughing so much.

I totally understand the issues - my husband's family are non poop-talkers and my family are the opposite (plus my husband's family doesn't talk about politics either, whereas my family get-togethers often nearly ended in blows since my aunt was a Republican and the rest Democrats).

Despite the openness of my family (my father in particular, my mother was the more reticent one) I used to be totally shy about um..."going" at the workplace. If I was in one of the stalls and someone sat down next to me I would wait until they were done and had left the room...now I just let 'er rip. I am old now. I don't care!

also...i will not poop in a public restroom unless it's an absolute emergency! i'm one of those that squeezes every muscle possible to make a quieter pee so pooping is just out of the question!

what was bad was when i had my son. a nurse had to sit in the bathroom with me after i had given birth to make sure nothing happened to me while i was "going". not fun to poop with an audience, especially when she's practically nose to nose with you and you're farting. embarrassing!

I'm agonizing over this very issue...OMG...did I just say 'issue' while on the subject of 'poop'...ya'see, we're driving from SF to New Haven and I just CAN NOT use a puble restroom for THAT! No doubt by the time we get there I'll be twice the size and in agony...I hope it's a quick trip...maybe I can poop enough in the next two weeks and then not eat for the whole trip?

Princess Diana DID.NOT.POOP. How dare you say such a thing!?

I can't even go into the ladies room on my floor if there is another person in there. I will spin around on my Manolo Blahnik heel and go back to my office, chat with the receptionist until I see the door is clear.

I never used to be that way until a woman I worked with at the humane society made me that way. My office was right next to the ladies room (ew) and she would come chat with me over the dutch door until the bathroom was clear. Since then, I've never been the same. Thanks Kath!

XO

Yes, everyone does poo as my friends and I like to refer to it. Very funny post, glad to see you share the funny with people out in the "real" world, not just the blogosphere. I am sure Miss Judy would be proud!

oh laurie - i'm laughing so hard over here, because you've made me remember one of my favorite 'women bonding' stories. It too happened in a public washroom; a largish one, with 6 or 7 stalls. All the stalls were occupied, save for two, next to mine. While we ladies were all politely and quietly doing our business, two more gals came in and occupied the stalls. Shortly after, a very loud and long, and dare I say, unexpected, bodily sound erupted from the stall next to me. There was a moment of dead silence, and then, a "Goood Loorrrd!" from the stall next to the noisy one. Then a quiet "Um, excuse me?" from the noisy stall. Then an outburst of hysterical laughter from both ladies, which was then joined by the remaining stalls. Imagine - a roomful of gals in a public washroom cracking right up. A great moment, a great ice breaker. I love moments like this!

I come from a poop neutral family. We don't necessarily break out the subject at the dinner table, but we aren't shy about it, either. If we're feeling delicate we have an "upset stomach" or "tummy troubles."

So why is it, with a family that's so comfortable about bodily functions that I have such a problem discussing my (can't believe I'm admiting this) hemorrhoids? Oh, god. It's the Misery That Dare Not Speak Its Name.

Oh so funny! LMAO. I was not brought up properly (my family can be mortifyingly forthright) yet on one side we had some semi-southern (Kentucky) influence and somehow this became part of my character. My grandmother and aunts were the epitomy of southern belles...and I always wanted to be one too. But how bellish can one be in Canada?! Anyway, your story hits home & cracks me up!
Speaking of public washrooms....don't you hate it when people talk between the stalls? I can't imagine...it's a private business!

I totally feel your "pain" every time you mention not being able to poop at work. I never could either, until now. My workplace has a unisex, one-toilet washroom with a locking door. A private room with a toilet! Now I can do my business the way it was meant to be, in private!

OMG - I went through a phase of always putting a bit of paper down first, to, you know, deaden the noise - only when using public loos, you understand. I don't bother so much now - since I hit 30 I just think, "what am I ashamed about?!" I just don't make any eye contact afterwards, LOL, like on the tube!

Luckily our office loos are a single room, not stalls, so nobody'd ever hear you unless their ear was pressed right up to the bathroom door.

Can't understand that comment about the royal family having a problem with the word "toilet" - I've always considered that word far more polite than lavatory (I'm in the UK).

My S.O. is convinced that anything that is wrong with you is because you haven't pooped, need to poop, are having trouble pooping or didn't poop 'right'.

Of course I tell him that's bullshit.

Mother Theresa DID NOT POOP. [And I'm not even Catholic!]

And Laurie, thanks for the addy. Yes, that was the website I was looking for. :)

Thanks for the morning [yeah, I just got up] laugh.

I actually hate to poop anywhere but home. I have all my 'research' materials in the bathroom!

It's 'The Library' or 'My Office' around here.

This whole subject is way too funny...

With five brothers and now two sons I've listened to them 'talk out of their ass' so I've become desensitize to all the bodily functions. Burp!

However, when my boys were younger they would get a little flustered with womens chee-chees (aka breasts). I would remind them that "everybody has chee-chees", "even the Pope has chee-chees".

Personally, I blame my first-grade teacher for my bathroom shyness. The first week of school, she took all the girls to the restroom for our morning break. The door to one of the stalls was off, and everyone avoided the open stall (naturally, of course.) But Mrs. Wyatt was a stickler for efficiency--she wanted every stall occupied to get the girls in and out of the restroom as soon as possible. And guess who she made use the open stall?

Let's just say I'm just very needful of ultimate privacy ever since then.

(And that was in 1971. Curse you, Mrs. Wyatt!!!)

Man oh man, I am definitely from a non-poop-talking family. But then I lived on a farm in France for a month, which started me on the path of at least not freaking out when others discussed such things. Now I have just come back from a week in the middle of the Andes mountains with a group of 18 (including my very poop-shy husband) and I have to admit that it cured me of a lot of my bathroom shyness. I still can't see myself discussing it on any kind of regular basis, but there have definitely been some changes in attitude.

Although I am still really freaked out about the thought of childbirth induced public pooping. I just try not to think about it.

I used to be like that. Then I dated a person with IBS.

Uh yeah.

You are just a riot!
All this changes when you have kids. It's hard to be modest and afraid of poop when dealing with them. So sadly, many conversations center around bodily functions.

Oh my god! This is so funny to read because I come from a house divided. My parents do not speak of such things, but my sister and I gladly do. We're dog owners, we pay attention to what comes out their butts. So we were discussing this a few weeks...the fact that we pay attention to dog poo...and my mom totally wigged out. We weren't even going into any kind of detail!

Anway, Easter morning rolls around and what does my mom give each of us? A children's book entitled "The Story of Poop".

Definitely a poop-friendly household, but my grandparents are too proper to mention anything more than 'passing gas.' I had lots of GI surgeries as a newborn and since then my poop has been a topic of conversation. A coworker has ulcerative colitis (poop disease) so we commonly discuss our poop at work (hospital). Then again, working in a children's emergency room desensitizes one to any sort of bodiliy function!! =)

My mom's friend used to use the expression 'we all poop the same" to remind herself that no one is better than she is, even when she feels all shabby and stupid. I love the expression. It does help when you're in a situation where everyone seems more perfect than you!

Loved this post (but I'm still snorting over 'yard fart')! I grew up in a family where bodily functions did not exist, and if they made their presence known, were assiduously ignored by my Pacific Northwesterner mother. My FIL, on the other hand, is a parasitologist - yup, a Ph.D in parasites. At the dinner table, all five of DH's siblings freely discuss topics that turn my stomach, poop being the least of them.

I came from a southern family that did not discuss poop either unless absolutely necessary and then only in very hushed tones. My ex-husband used to howl like a wolf in the bathroom while pooping-I kid you not and then make some comment about how much he pooped. I hated it. The man I live with now was raised properly; he goes to the bathroom across from the basement family room to take care of his private business. The only thing he has ever said about the whole process is "my digestive track is a little off today" I LOVE him!

Oh MY yes, Laurie, you've done it again - hit the proverb nail square-on. Motherhood does a lot to disabuse a lady of her attitudes, by the way. I give tours to 4th graders at the Museum, and if I happen to mention "POO" (which sounds more delicate than "poop") they always gasp and laugh and are delighted! Of course, even historical figures dealt with poo; I talk about it in regard to Indian babies in their cradleboards and how elephant poo was given to grateful local farmers from the winter quarters of the Ringling Bros. circus. Oh how kids love hearing about poo (I'm encouraged that they're a teeny bit shocked to hear a proper-looking old lady say "Poo"!)

Bossy thinks it's way more fun to take photos in the mirror of the workplace bathroom like Crazy Aunt Purl than to use the facility for pooping.

My co-workers are not going to let me read your blog anymore if you keep making me hysterical. I'm blowing snot, I'm laughing so hard. Ooops, I said "snot." Is that lady-like?

I am from No. California and my mother would never let us say that word either. It took me a 1/2 hour to read your blog and another to read comments... I had to stop from time time to wait for the tears of laughter to clear up so I could see to finish reading!!!! You are so funny lady.

Clearly that woman did not know the protocol of waiting in the stall until you had left the bathroom!! I am thankful that everyone on my floor seems to be able to observe this so you don't really have to know who is making a stink or body noises in the women's room. (But I just moved to another floor -- am hoping that everyone here gets it too.)

Just stay put until the handwasher is out. Or if you are peeing, let the pooper wash her hands and flee before you come out!

"Clearly that woman did not know the protocol of waiting in the stall until you had left the bathroom!!"

Exactly!! Even if she had to sit there and wait for 5 minutes until the coast was clear. Those are the RULES!!

My dears, I will be the first to admit that I have to be in serious GI distress to be able to poop in public. HOWEVER, sometimes these things do happen and no matter how hard you squeeze your butt cheeks together, some times you're just not going to be able to wait until the "coast is clear." Things happen. Relax people, let Aunt Purl guide the way!

Just wanted to second the "yard fart" comment from Saturday's post - still makes me laugh.

Oh. My. Lord! I am laughing so hard right now. Mostly because the Mr. is sitting on the pot right now attempting to do his thing.

I work at an office where all my colleagues are well dressed, composed, very professional. All very pleasant and well mannered.

As we have grown closer over time, we have started to share bigtime. We all have our individual offices, and noone blinks an eye when a bodily noise emerges, followed by the person yelling: 'Name that tune!' Raucous laughter from all sides. Every other conversation is about sex. Positions, noises, implements... you name it.

I come from a 'no poop' family. My office took a bit of getting used to, but it's been liberating. And why not? Sex and poop can be hilarious. And everyone does it.
I LOVE going to work.

My grandmothers never discussed poop. This is why I wonder how they managed to raise two folks who love to talk about poop and all things gastrointestinal. Why my parents even like to discuss these things at the dinner table. So now when I hear a kid having a conniption fit because one of his/her classmates has just farted, I simply say, "Everyone does it at one time or another. It is a normal human bodily function." I even went so far as to tell the kids to raise their hands if they have never farted. No one raised their hands.

My first thought wasn't about poop! Good grief, Laurie---You know about holy rollers!!!!! Gawd! It's such a southern thing--and I grew up as what true southerners think of as a yankee!!

We human beings are hilarious creatures, and all the more funny when we pretend otherwise.

Good for you, you can admit that you poop. Now, can you admit that it feels good to poop?

I'm sure at one point my family didn't talk about poop. At one point my family could even be called proper. But that was before my time, before my uncle tried to teach me and my cousins to pick our nose and then eat it, Before my cousin started bragging that she could burp the whole alphabet, before the story of my great grandma being constipated (won't get into that except to say a toothbrush was involved...) I'm sure at one point we were very proper, too bad I missed it!

You are too funny, I love it! the funny thing, with my family, is that we're bilingual, so in English, we only ever say, my stomach hurts, in tagalog, we can talk and talk all about poop and one's bodily functions at any time whatsoever.

There's a guy a work who has a little comic pinned to the wall of his cube. It starts with:

"Some people don't like to poop at work.

but I do,

where else can I be paid to poop."

I poop. Yes indeedy and I talk about it. To almost everyone. I am a true southerner. Born and bred in NC.

However, I can't poop in public. Just can't do it. My father-in-law is the President of the company I work for. He has his personal bathroom cause he is, ya know, the President. I use his bathroom when duty calls. I perfer him to not be in his office at the time but if he is I make my sister-in-law ask him if it is okay. He always is so gracious and kind and tells me it is okay. But it is a little awkard. I tend to thank him on my way in and out.

Which is weird to me. If I can talk so openly about the subject....why can't I do it in public?

Probably cause I am southern. It's okay to talk about it but not to ACTUALLY do it!

Thanks for your post! It was a nice ending to a crappy day.

Auntie Pearl, you need to write a book. Your southern-girl-in-LA could be a cross between Sex in the City and Bridget Jones' Diary. I'd buy it and laugh and cry all the way through with you--I'm a southern girl in Baltimore. Technically still south of the Mason-Dixon, but if the only sweet tea you can get is at McDonald's, then it doesn't count now, does it?

Oh lord, what I wouldn't give for a high colonic three times a week. Even once a week. Ahhhh.

I totally talk about armpit hair at the dinner table, you should probably never have dinner with me. The last time I saw my granddad before he died, he and I got up on our chairs together and pulled up our pantlegs to compare leg hair: mine, now creamily and chemically removed, was then long and lustrous; his, oddly enough, nearly gone, so unlike the hair on the rest of old men's bodies, which seems to just grow and grow.

Was that too much information?

Just so the extent of our impropriety be known, I ought to add that the chair-standing leg-hair-gazing incident occurred at xmas dinner. With the whole family. Of course.

There has been "poop talk" at our house for as long as I can remember...I recall when I was little, my mom used to love using Lea & Perrins Worcestershire Sauce at dinner on her steaks. She loved that stuff, but alas, it did not love her :) We would all joke about how long it would be before she "blew up the bathroom", and sometimes she could barely make it to the bathroom before the sound effects starting rolling forth. We would stand outside the bathroom door making noises and joking about it. Thank God she had a great sense of humor.... ohhhh, we were terrible - ribbing her about her pooping and noises, but it was just TOO funny! Poops and farts ARE funny! My mom never called it "farting", it was always "pooting".

Now, I am blessed to have a husband that delights in telling me his bathroom history (or lack of it) every day. He does have trouble lately "going", so it is a big relief to him when he finally lets loose and poops. It does not bother me at all, and it is funny how he even describes the details of the "event" too. I am glad he is comfortable to talk about it. So I guess you can say we are "poop-talkers" too :)

We were not a poop-talking family, other that to scream at a sibling who was pounding on the bathroom door, "Knock it off, I'm pooping!" (there were 5 in my family and one bathroom).

My construction contractor brother took my 2-year-old nephew with him into the local home improvement store. In the plumbing department, he was discussing various fixtures with the woman that worked there, not paying much attention to the kiddo. From behind him, he heard a voice - "Daddy, I poop". He turned to see my nephew sitting on one of the 27 display toilets with his pants around his ankles and a pleased, what-a-big-boy-am-I look on his face. My brother looked back at the apoplectic clerk and without missing a beat said, simply, "We're potty training".

Fortunately, the deed had not been completed, but it was a long while before my brother took my nephew into such a place or forgot to pay close attention to him when out and about.

Love your blog.

It is very funny that you should post this today! My mom (who lives with me for part of the year) is preparing for a colonoscopy tomorrow!

We are of the 'no talk about poop, or any other such personal matters' type of family, in general; although as health issues have presented themselves that has been REALLY changing!

Just as soon as she finishes drinking her gallon of "GoLytely" and finishes with 'going...' I will definitely have her read this!! I think that she will appreciate it!

Too funny!

This is my first comment, although I've been reading for quite awhile now and I truely enjoy reading your blog.

I too am from a family that does not poop, or even have Parts. They don't exist, thank you very much.

Lately, I have had to deal with this issue because my dog has not wanted to poop since my husband moved out in January. She's afraid of poop. If you say the word, she will hide behind a chair and tremble visibly. If you take her for a walk, she will refuse to get onto the grass. I think my dog would like to think that she too, does not have to poop. So we have a lot of conversations on our walks now, about how everybody poops and it's okay, how its' natural and normal and she could get right up on the grass there and poop and IT WOULD BE OKAY. So, yeah. The neighbors think I'm a little odd.

Anyway, just, really happy to see other people talking about poop.

Hey, I forgot! I'm going to be there, in L.A., this Thursday afternoon! Email me when and where on the SnB, and I'll do my level best to be there! I sent a couple of emails to your crazytourist address, but no reply yet. 'Course, reading your posts I can see you might be a bit short on time!

I am of the firm opinion that it's funny...if it's not me.
Love your posts, they always make my day better.

So I am sitting in a stall minding my own business (re: trying to pee in peace) and in comes a co-worker (who I recognize by voice). Yes, I knew who she was because she was on cell phone call. She came to the stall, went to the bathroom and kept on yapping. ALL IWANT IS TO PEE IN PEACE!! But really at my ENGINEERING firm - who goes to the loo while on a conference call in a public place???????

Also, what is a high colonic? I mean I think I've grasped the general concept, but what???

My mom is from Texas and, while we did talk about pooping, the attitude was that it was something only little kids talked about and was discouraged when we were older (i.e. 8). Also, I didn't know what farting was until I was 12. I mean, I knew what the bodily function was, but I didn't know it had a name or that anyone else did it. But then in sixth grade my best friend's parents had a policy that if you farted in the house you had to pay a quarter. That was how I found out what farting was. I never told my mother.

Oh no! This is so funny it's going to be stuck in my head for a while. I'm sure I'm going to reference the line "Even Princess Diana poops!" to a non knit-blog and they'll have no idea what I'm talking about. This happens all too often.

My husband and I both have food allergies and IBS. This is pretty dangerous with one bathroom and a small house, so the only way to handle it is "by celebrating your farts," as he says.

Either that, or blame it on the nearest teenage boy. Whatever is easiest for you!

I spent more time in Pilates trying to keep from farting than I did listening to the instructor. Saw this short video this morning and realized that I'm not alone. http://youtube.com/watch?v=0xWFmz7u0kk

and she didn't go immediately and call security??? ::laughing::

The copy machine at my work is right next to the men's bathroom.... you can hear every little tinkle... and sometimes I have copy jobs that take a long, long time. Men just don't care. "nuff said. *grin*

Okay. I just got back from the ladies room in my office. Whilst poop doesn't shock me, the straining noise that came from the cubicle next to me did.

I nearly said 'don't strain it, love!' or 'eat some fruit!'.

OMG, it's official. You are the funniest person I know (well, kind of know). I am going to wipe the tears running down my face and try to quit giggling. (Probably won't retell the story, though it's funny! Heehee)

Rayleen--

Don't read this while eating, but here's the scoop on colonics.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colonic_irrigation

Oh Laurie - only you can devote 20 column inches (maybe more?) to the subject of NOT talking about poop, and yet still talking about. This is why I keep coming back to your blog for more.

I was in a ladies' room stall of a restaurant when someone came in to talk on their cell phone. I froze- flush? don't flush? (I mean, wait and flush AFTER they were done talking, of COURSE I would flush before I left). Then I thought- Hey! I'm in the freaking bathroom! I'm gonna flush and if they don't want to hear it then they shouldn't be on their cell phone in the bathroom. So there.

This is very funny. Today I made the comment at a knit group (where your blog was mentioned by The Crochet Dude) that I am not celebrity struck because I always have in the back of my mind that everybody poops. I get home check you out (I'd been once before long ago) and find your poop philosophy.

Nice to know I'm not alone:-)

Makes me think of the many times, sitting in the stall, very much aware of the fact that someone in a near-by stall is talking on the cell phone. So, when a "sound" is heard on the other end of the phone call, what does one say? hahaha, you'll never guess where I am! gotta clarify here - I'm not the one needing to make an excuse 'cause I never talk on my phone in such a situation, & of course, I don't make such, uh, sounds.

I gather that it's entirely different to talk about people poop than cat poop. How's the "harmonious pooping surface" working out for your kitties?

OMG! This entry made me laugh out loud!

HA! First, when I read your post, I searched the comments for Cursing Mama, because I KNOW her philosophy!

Funny...

My grandma is one of those "BM" people, who asks if you had one, and if it was ok and so on. Her solution to every human problem when I was growing up was to ask if you needed an enema. I was never sure how that would heal a broken heart...

I have ulcerative colitis so I consider myself the "Queen of Poop". Sure got a laugh from this post.

Laurie, you are my hero! I am so proud of you for dusting yourself off and going after your dreams. I can only hope to be as fabulous.

Here I was today, being a soon-to-be-divorced-20-something, feeling pretty lousy about myself, and I thought maybe visiting your blog would cheer me up. This is spectacular news.

So I went to Amazon to pre-order and I realize that I have no idea where I will be living come October. This leads to a fit of sobbing and thoughts of a nice beer. But instead I pet my cat and think WWCAPD? So I think I am going to go nuke Lean Cuisine, drink some water and call it a night.

Thanks for being you.