Hallalujah sister! I do not want rhinestones highlighting my ASS!

Okay, I think I was first for the first time, and I'm going to go have a little lie down whilst my heart rate stabilizes.

Macy's is the problem here. You need Nordstrom. They carry a line called Not Your Daughter's Jeans that fit ladies who are not absurdly slender. I thought I'd never wear jeans again till I found them. Just a thought.

okay, because big women? we aren't content taking up more space in the universe...we must amplify with sequins, glitter and loud patterns.

not quite a misses *snort*

I'm with you. As one who has curves (read: boobs and hips) I have a heck of a time finding clothes that actually fit. While shopping last weekend I noticed that the big trendy style this year is empire waists on flowy shirts. For me, since I am all boobs, it just makes me look super top heavy and like I'm wearing a maternity shirt. Not exactly the look I am going for thanks... ugh.

A-
Men!

I've had the same experience lately and I want to know WHERE DO WE COMPLAIN???

I'm not 4 -- I don't need animals on my clothes.
Prints don't help hide your size, they only accentuate the obvious.

And why is everything being cut smaller???????
Perhaps I haven't gained weight. It's just that Fashion hates me and wants me to wear bigger #s.

Laurie, if you get them, please post links of people we can b*tch at. I'm sick of Fashion!!!

p.s.
What IS that red thing?
A dress?!?!

It looks like a halter they forgot to stitch on the sides.

Good lord, they don't even let me within a block of Macy's... they can smell my Walmart ass coming!

And what? You don't like wearing clothes that look like that bedazzler lady from the teevee commercials shanghied you in an alley and opened up a can of real fake jewels on yer clothes?????

Those 'rhinestone' tops are made for [rich] old ladies who don't need to look good cuz they have MONEY.

I have a sister [OLDER] who loves that kind of shit. She thinks she looks YOUNG in them... ROFL!

Clothes shopping.

WOULD.RATHER.HAVE.A.ROOT.CANAL.

Pass the vodka.

This has got to be one of the funniest posts you've done yet! I almost spit out my lunch on my screen! The display floor in Macy's or what are they wearing in JAIL! Hilarious!

How unbelievably true it all is. Currently, I fit into size 8 clothes, which is not really size 8 anyway. If I measure myself, I come out to what used to be a 12 some years ago. What's up with that? Said designers are trying to make us feel sorta better about size I think. Anyway, I would never wear formal shorts, wild prints, appliques, or sequins all over. And I hate to spending money on designer jeans and have the idiotic GAP in the back that I have to add more money to fix. You are so right on it.
Love it.

ROFLMBigAO

My favorite is the rhinestone heart and peace sign on the back pockets of the jeans.

Love your blog.

I have the same problem, I love coldwater creek, well designed clothes for working women in your size, check their website, they have a good sale page. Good Luck

I LOVE OKRA and am a born and bred New Yorker(y'all can't get much more Yankee than that!)--thank God I have Southern friends to steer me down the right food path!

Amen to this! I'm that exact size between plus size and women's and while Torrid and Lane Bryant are nice I fit a hair between them and Old Navy. Doesn't leave a lot of options in the 99% of the rest of the stores in any town or decent shopping mall. Gaarh!

i am not a manic commenter. laurie, can you delete the dupes? something weird is happening when i refresh. i shall go away now.

smokeyJoe, it's not you, it's the comments, sometimes the server has issues... I deleted them :)

I'm positive those moron clothing designers are the same as...., um, undividuals who design that most horrid instrument of torture ... the Bra. Try being a 34B and finding one that fits, is comfortable, looks decent under your clothes, and isn't neon green lace-like stuff. Pffft!

Being a small size in clothing isn't much easier, especially with pants. Those aforementioned moron designers think if you wear a size 4 you are a midget. Excuse me, but a 29" inseam doesn't work for 33" legs, ya' know? Tall lengths start at size 8. Needless to say, I have to sew my own dress pants to get them long enough.

Amen and Amen! Pantswise, I can wear a misses 18 or a woman's 16 - the largest misses, or the smallest woman's - and hello, Fashion Industry! I cannot be the only woman of this approximate size in the whole world! Could you please see your way clear to producing more large misses/small woman's sizes? Would it KILL YOU? (Why no, that wasn't a veiled threat, Fashion Industry! Are you becoming PARANOID?) Anyway. Rant over. I just wanted to say: Testify, sister!

Ugh, poo. It's all poo. Total poo.

I HOPE you didn't find that red thing in the Woman department, I am having horrifying images of woman sized women (I am thinking of one woman in my office specifically who does wear tent sized/shaped sparkly flammable blouses) wearing that with all the fat gooshing out the sides. Ugh.

YOU, my friend, are adorable. I LOVE the layering!

Funny...I noticed The Gap appearing on jeans I bought after the dreaded low-rider craze. It is as if designers forgot the concept of a hip to waist taper...or they now assume that all of us who are bigger than a four have waist size approximately = hip size (and yeah, I know, some women are like that, but many many of us are not). It's frustrating to put on a pair of jeans and have them fit everywhere BUT the waist.

I always figured that Teh Ugly in the clothes for us bigger girls was some kind of "punishment" slash "encouragement" dreamed up by designers who receive a kickback from the diet and or gastric bypass surgery industries...they think that they will eventually wear us down to the point where we decide to take their pills or their powders or their cuts in order to supposedly magically shrink down to sizes where "pretty" is allowable. It's part of the war on obesity, a pretty misguided part. I'm just waiting for the line of potato sacks aimed at women over size 8 to start debuting.

Oh, and the bedazzler lady? She's in my nightmares:

"I'm TANA (nasal voice) You might remember me from a really popular tv show that I'm contractually prohibited from naming here but it has to do with fashion. If you watched that show you remember me schlepping my sorry backside over all of New York looking for Just One Bedazzler. And I whined a whole lot with my whiny whiny voice while I was doing it."

I swan, it is the Head-On of crafts-oriented commercials. (not to mention? if bedazzling was the only craft left open to me, I'd not do craft any more.)

Well don't you look cute! But what is that monstrosity hanging around your neck? Looks like you stumbled into the Pussycat Dolls section!

We just had a staff meeting this morning where we were told that the "business shorts" were a big no-no. So there's my excuse for not wearing them!

Another fashion I can't wear....the criss-cross. I'm not sure what it is about my boobs, but the fabric crosses down near my belly button (probably not work-friendly either!)

My round girly ass has had "the Gap" problem since I was a kid - my mom kept telling me I was "long waisted" - I'm not sure if she didn't realize or didn't want to admit that I was actually "full butted".

At any rate, I go buy the jeans at the second hand store (the only way I can afford the trendy ones) and have them tailored. I love me a good tailor. worth every penny. and I end up with regularly priced jeans.

Ah, I think you want J. Jill. They have somewhat inflated prices, but their sizes run really big. Like their medium is most people's large, and their small is most people's medium, and I bet their extra-large or large would fit you fine.

I love your blog, BTW, and my son loves the stories about your cats, particularly when Sobakawa is a dictator and ruling the house with an iron paw. :-)

Lisa, amen... I am also full-butted. DO NOT get me started on why underwear designers think all asses taper at the bottom. Mine does not taper...

Sobakowa does rule with an iron paw.

We should set her loose on the fashion world.

While you pear shaped people have the Gap problem, us apple shaped people have... well, I dunno if there's a name for it, but in order to get jeans to fit me in the waist, most of them have several inches of extra material sticking out like elephant ears on the side of my thighs. Equally unattractive.

I too fit into the top of the misses or the bottom of the women's sizes, and lord there is Not Much There! I do like some Coldwater Creek stuff, but for the more casual (read: less expensive) it's harder to find (their sales can be good, but then the size selection isn't as good, and I'm back to square one).

Other ideas, people? I know you have suggestions and sources!

And what is it with the blouses that have no allowance for breasts above an A (maybe a B) cup? I have a standard, woman-sized rack and woe to me if I try on a button-down shirt. Fit in the arms and waist but the top? Pulling, gaping, wrinkling.

Sleeves. What did sleeves ever do to fashion designers? Why is is damn near impossible to find a dress with sleeves? And why, when there are sleeves, are they the cap kind that make your arms resemble overstuffed pork sausages?

I hear you on the clothing that suddenly changes to grandma in Boca at size 12. Or morphs into stretch (read: clingly, bad ppoly blend).

Sigh.

Yes, WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH CAP SLEEVES??? Do they think that women-sized women all want little puffy hats atop their shoulders to emphasize the upper arm? ARGH.

I am feeling your pain!

I wear a size 12-14, and everywhere I go, that size is always sold out while there plenty of anorexic sizes left to be had. I have a theory on why that is...12-14 is what the average sized woman is! Not those sickly size 2-4's! No one (in their right minds) wear that size!

And I'm with you on the printed, crappy stuff. Why do they do that? The fashion designers must think that if you're a bigger size you must not care what you look like. It just kills me every time I go shopping.

And this is why I haven't bought any clothes that fit me since Sam was born. Not because I am in denial about my current size, but because there are no clothes in my current size. (Except I think maybe, just maybe, I might dare to hope that I am down to a 12, and I think the normal people clothes might go up to a 12.) Well, that and who has a hundred fucking bucks for a pair of jeans? But that is another rant.

Do you have Kohl's department stores in L.A.? Probably not..but if you do, Daisy Fuentes has a collection of pants (and yes, formal shorts) that look awesome on my size 14 ass.
Thank you Daisy!

Well, I don't think they are actually flammable. I think they would actually melt before they burn. Not an improvement.

But you are right. I went shopping for clothes the other day and I could not get over how butt-ugly the styles were! The most hideous fabric patterns ever and if they could glue a gooey-gah to the item of clothing they did it 10 times (I'm suspecting a secret alliance with the dry cleaning industry).

It wasn't even a matter of not being my taste. They were just flat out ugly. All I wanted were some cotton blouses, t-shirts and jeans. Fortunately there were a few items in the clearance section as these were leftover from last season.

I do not want fabric that hypnotizes everyone. I do not want my boobs cupped (more hypnotizing) and I do not want random frills and asymmetrical hems. And WHO thought the low-rise pants in the big and tall women shop was a good idea? I need coverage people! And don't get me started in the slinky fabrics that cling to my bits I'm hiding.

Idiots. Women haters. I'm dressing like a boy this season...

Hey Fashion Designers ... ARE YOU ALL WOMAN HATERS?

To give you a quote that my friend and I came up with (he is a guy's guy, who loooves seeing women in nicely fitted clothing)

"Fashion Designers are Angry Gay Men"
Think about it...

Also, just a few thoughts --

I was 215 lbs about this time last year, and a size 16. I started changing eating habits, started working out, and then got rid of the other bad habit in my life --> my husband. (going through a divorce as well)

A friend of mine sent me your blog, and I have been following your stories through the darkest times of my life.

1 year later -- I am now a very muscular 165 lbs, I have more joy in myself, I am a size 8/10, and I knit a little bit (too busy with other hobbies to really dedicate a lot of time to it)

I would highly reccomend shopping thrift stores, and Savers if you have them out in CA --> esp. when one is changing sizes, spending $$ on new stuff that will only get too big is actually frustrating.. But you SHOULD celebrate your smalling up with some pretty clothes that fit you.

Good luck in your journey, and continue posting your stuff --> it makes me laugh.

Ah. Clothing. Nightmares. Hand-in Hand. The only thing worse than being presented with these monstrosities is the price tag that goes with them. As if being a person who likes her food means we're stupid.

"you want HOW MUCH for that applique blouse? 85 WHOLE DOLLARS? Is that Canadian? Because I could buy this at Walmart, get my glue gun and some sparkles and not spend 20."

Someone mentioned bras - how about the fantastic choices we "blessed" women get - If you want support and support, you have your choices of white, tan and black. End of story.

Because us full figured girls don't ever want pretty underthings. Granny panties and blah colors it is.

grumble.

There is no fashion at this time. Back in February I determined that I would need to shop for new work clothes for spring and summer. So far all I have been able to come up with is one shirt and two short sleeve cotton sweaters. There is nothing worth buying that is suitable for the office. It seems everything is geared toward teens and grannies. Where are all the respectable fashionable clothes that don't cost an entire paycheck. Most of the fabrics seem cheap and slutty. The styles are atrocious. The funny thing though is that I have been finding awesome shoes. Now if the clothing people could just get their acts together!

I'm so sorry that Fashion slapped you at Macy. Try these: Lands' End and LL Bean. Real clothes for real people. And you get to shop from your computer! The Lands End stuff can be returned to Sears stores (yes, it's hard to believe they are owned by the same corp). These companies have pants that reach the waist, and encircle it without The Gap. It's a flippin miracle! And cotton, without glitter!

Oh, and Bali Skamps. They stay up and down, if you get my drift. The regular briefs are great - made for us full-butted gals!

And what is it about sizes being made smaller? I know it's not me because I have the same exact t-shirts from different years and they are labelled with increasingly larger sizes yet all fit the same. Fashion doesn't care that the avergage American woman is a size 16. I hate Fashion!! Get'em Soba!

I've always said that shorts do not belong in an office environment and I'm glad that you've reinforced it further. Maybe casual Fridays on very very hot summer days, but there's always skirts.

I also have a bone to pick with fashion. Women don't want to look like freaks in public! I'm very tired of seeing these obsurd things on the sales floor.

Jennifer, don't be talken smack about size 2 and 4 ladies, or a herd of petite women may whack you with hangers and sharp elbows.

Sucks to find dress pants that fit a size four butt too. Always too tight in the thigh and baggy in the butt.... nice.

I got a great pair of pants at Target (Women's sizes.) I echo the Coldwater Creek sentiment and also LL Bean has been coming up with some good basics that last FOREVER. Old Navy does have some trendy Womens things online. I straddle the Misses/Womens fit line, so I'm feeling your pain.

fashion is dead.

Aimee, if a woman in size four has problems finding pants that fit... then that means my dreams of getting smaller to find nice clothes are all a sham!!! Tell me it isn't true. Please!!

Ditto what Sharon said about Land's End -- you can make a pair of custom jeans online. Mine fit the first time I got them, though my mom had a bit more trouble & had to have a 2nd pair sent, but they took the custom ones back, no problem.

I also think their pants are cut more to real female shapes w/out getting into "mom jean" territory (unless that is what someone wants). They have 3 styles of waistbands now too -- at the waist, slightly below and below.

My best pair of jeans (read fits fine and makes my butt look smaller) came from JJill. And to the poster who said that JJill runs bigger than normal, all I can say is, "Not true, you take that back! I am really a size 10. Honest."

I haven't found "Not My Daughter's Jeans" yet but I have heard that they fit great too.

And I have lots of good luck at AnnTaylorLoft.

Coldwater Creek has the best pants that (wait for it)... actually come up to your waist. I bought 2 pairs, and am going back for more later. (That, and they come in Tall sizes, which means my pants are now just slightly too long instead of just slightly too short.)

I also suggest J.Jill, at least their more basic stuff. (some of their colors I'm not too big on, but like the style) Ann Taylor Loft is pretty good.

But, I'm PISSED at fashion - look, I'm neither a skinny kid nor a grandma. NEVER show me a banded bottom shirt. Or Polyester pants. Recognize that I am a woman, with curves, and want something flattering! How hard can this be?

I am usually just a 'lurker' to your blog...but this one I had to comment on. I also am 'not quite a woman...not quite a misses'.

So I'm left with the question, do I want to look like I've stuffed myself into old clothing (because it's a bit tight) or do I want to look like I took the curtains off the wall and sewed a new shirt? And forget about pants. I must be crazy to think I could get a plain black suit consisiting of pants that are not too long (or too short) and a classic jacket. I know...I'm just so demanding!

Know what I hate? Skinny women modeling big girl clothes in the woman size magazines. What are they trying to do? Send us subliminal messages that we will look that way in that dress that stick girl is wearing? And the sizes for THAT dress start at 14? What you dont see are all the clothes pins in the back gathering all the excess out of the way. Looser fashion designers.

Not only do I straddle the misses/womens line, I'm also straddling the petite/average line. Shopping is a nightmare.

"Why do stores only order ONE pair of size 16s and ONE pair of size 14s, and then twelve pairs of size 2? WHY?"

They order 12 pairs of everything...it's just that there are a lot more people who wear 14s & 16s out there than those who wear 2s.

I, too, suffer from The Gap Problem. It's not a size thing; it's a shape thing (I've lost some weight and I'm down to a size 6 jean, but I could still shove a square watermelon down the extra fabric in the back of most pants).

But I'm here to tell you that there's hope!! I've found several clothing stores have discovered that we (women with hips) need pants, too! Banana Republic now sells a fit of pant called "Curvy". The Gap also has a curvy line. In addition, I recommend going with a pant that sits a little lower on the waist (not low rise, just a little lower); that tends to help The Gap Problem.

All the normal 12-16 sizes are gone from the racks because all the normal sized women bought them all. My 12yo wears a size 2. I don't think I know a single full adult (not teenager, early 20s) who is that small!

I second letting Sobakowa loose on the Fashion world. She would whip them into shape (pun intended).

Laurie,

I'm sorry but there are rhinestone bespeckled asses of every size. And apparently designers think that if you are a smaller size everything should be skin tight, which leads to hoochie looking sausage casing thighs.

Quick, someone call Stacy and Clinton! They know how to deal with that gap.

I second the vote for Daisy Fuentes at Kohl's. My most beautiful size 14 pants are from there, and the price was nice on sale.

Opps, sorry that was me discussing the sparkly butts.

I am so with you. I hate Macy's. I used to try to find things I liked there and have totally given up. As others have said, shop on line - you can really do it if you go to Lands End and LL Bean. I have also availed myself of the Lands End option of designing my own size of jeans, and they fit great. And surprisingly the cost is not that high even though they're customized for your body.

I tend to careen between a "just a little too big for a 12" and a "tight 14 or loose 16" so I have similar issues. If I start gaining my 14's are too tight, if I lose a good amount, my 14's are too loose but I still don't fit in a 12. Right now I'm at my perfect 14 level and am able to shop quite nicely on LL Bean and Lands End without running into any problems with things not fitting.

I also highly recommend Coldwater Creek, as someone else did. I've also had success on Talbot's.

One of my issues is I am a SHORT plump person. If you think it's bad in the regular section with the 2's, try to be a "petite" and find something in a 14 or 16! Some makers don't even make petites bigger than 12!

http://www.newport-news.com/shop/product_single.aspx?style_id=18232049&index=6&gp_coll_id=1878&gp_cat_id=1876&nav_cat_id=3361&category_id=3365&gp_spsize_id=1878

http://www.newport-news.com/shop/product_ensemble.aspx?ifn=S0714047_BT07_024&effort=9J&style_id=28533049&index=16&gp_coll_id=1878&gp_cat_id=1876&nav_cat_id=3361&category_id=3365&gp_spsize_id=1878

Mail order is our friend - just check out newport news - for range of sizes, price, can;t beat 'em.
There IS hootchie wear, but also lots of useful basic black skirts and trousers.

It's not just normal, pear-shaped women that Fashion hates. I don't have "the gap." I have the opposite problem. I'm built like an apple, so when I find pants that fit me in the waist, the thighs are huge. I could easily cut 3 inches of fabric or more from the thighs of pants. If I find pants that fit in the legs and hips, I can't button the things over my stomach. *sigh*.

I think we should all just start wearing togas or muumuus every day. Screw fashion.

Oh Laurie you are so very funny and so right on right! What is it about fashion and lace and glitter? (Though I must confess I do love the glitter, but not on my clothes...just my tiera) Thanks for your wonderful sense of humor, though the people around me in the coffee shop that I am reading your blog at, probably wonder about my mental health (as I giggle out loud). That's the nice thing about getting older (now 40!), I don't worry as much about that.
Cheers to you!

Man, those clothes are bad. I like that they are only available in two styles: Grandma and Whore. Sheesh.

Things on the list of Why I Hate To Shop For Clothes:
I'm 45. I'm a 16, with a 33in inseam. I have the sort of calves no one wants to see. WHY does everyone assume I want some version of cropped pants? That's what seems to be everywhere again this year.
I shop at WalMart and Target (And THE Fat Girl Store (LB)) and while the first two are cheaper, everything is also wider. I don't need a shirt with a freaking boat neck that is 4 feet wide and 5 inches too short!

Cap sleeves are an abomination.

Peg leg, skinny jeans? No.

And the bra thing? Try to find a lot of 38-40 B's. It's a black-hole size. They're out there, because I'm wearing one, but all the buyers seem to assume that if you are that "huge" around the chest, you must also be well-endowed in cup size.
And every other reason you listed. Sequins, dazzles, and that stupid fake fading right across my ass or thighs, because THAT'S what I want to call attention to!
I'm going to go back to reading now--Thanks Laurie--I love your blog.

Laurie, the best gift I can give you can be summed up in one word: KOHLS.

Go there. Go there often. They have gorgeous stuff that (reasonably) fits real women. Believe me, I KNOW--I am a size 6 in the waist and size 10-12 through the hips, thighs, and ass. But! I went to that store 2 weeks ago and managed to find about $200 worth of work clothes that fit me.

AND that looked good. No rhinestones or psychadelic prints. Maybe not brand names like Lucky or Juicy or Trampy, but those things are lame anyway.

Now, you might be wondering, should you trust the word of an Internets stranger/fan/personality person-thingy? Maybe not, unless, of course, the Internets stranger happens to be me, the sexiest librarian in SoCal. And librarian to the stars. I have reasonably good taste!

Also, New York & Co. (formerly Lerner's) has pretty nice-fitting pants.

at 5'11" with a 36" inseam and *cough* lbs . . .I have discovered that women are not permitted to be both tall and rubenesque. I had some hope at old navy with jeans but then I bought their cargo pants, yes I know they're not flattering, and they're comfortable and practical . . . and that practicality is emphasized by declaring my constant state of flood preparedness. *sigh*

all denim problems can be solved - see zafu.com
you tell them a little about you & your jeans - they tell you which ones will fit.
You're into bonus points if the jeans maker they select for you is also a business pant maker. Other places I find pants w/o tears - Anne Taylor, Kohls, and Old Navy. My #1 rule is that I be able to wash them in the washing machine, be able to dry them in the dryer and not have to use an iron - #2 is about fit. I guess lazy is really a problem ;)

L.L. Bean. I'm not kidding. I too have known the woe of being in-between sized, and L.L. Bean is your friend. They have plain, normal pants, in a variety of sizes. They sell attractive clothing for grown-ups, and returning something is no problem at all.

I think this should be an annual column for you.

And I fourth, or fifth Sharon on Land's End and L.L. Bean. At least there I can order a size 14 jacket and get a size 10 skirt, instead of buying a size 14 suit and having to alter the skirt down to where I need it. I have shoulders, people. Deal, already!

I had a Very Bad Experience with Newport News - ordered two items and neither one of them even resembled the photo or description in the catalog - Coldwater Creek seems to have some nice things, but lordy, they need to tone down the copy in their catalog. It's just a little too weird.

I also sew. That helps.

i used to date a guy who worked in women's fashion. he sold a line to the boutiques and stores, and i can tell you, for sure, the most common way to buy is to buy one 16, *one* 2, and a bunch of the sized in between.

i know cause i'm a 2. and right when he and i started dating, his line wanted to drop a size to save costs. it would be the 2 or the 16. he voted for 2, and that's what they dropped. i never wore anything from the line he repped, none of it fit me.

but, you're right about The Gap. i wear jeans cut for women with "more ample" tushies, that seems to help a lot. plus, the pants with the "v" cut in the middle of the back of the waistband.

I have this same rant twice a year: fall (new jeans) and spring (bathing suits and shorts). Old Navy (ONLINE) is doing nice things for me lately, and I thank them for it. Land's End makes me happy in the bathing suit department. As always, Lane Bryant (stores only) do nice things for the lingerie. Turquoise lace demi bras in 46DD! Yes, it's true!

Isn't it true that if you're a man, the clothes have to fit you, but if you're a woman, you have to fit the clothes? That's just unfair and unrealistic! (I'm a 16-Petite, which is an oxymoron) (Also a knitter since age 8)

I have no odd-sized body parts, but my problem is straddling the line between what fits, what suits and what's stylish but affordable. My advice is, if you find some great basic item (pants, skirts)that is perfect-ish for you, buy it in as many colors as you can, and maybe even whatever 2 sizes you are closest to. Stay away from trendy or cheaply made clothes and build on the basics with some fun stuff thrown in. As for jeans, for years I wore Levis 501s because you can so closely choose your waist size and length.

Thanks for reminding me why I own more fashionable housewares than clothing!!! It's so much easier to fit a bed or a table than my boobs!

What is that?

Cursingmama is right! zafu.com is the BEST for finding the right jeans. They said I can get mine from Target. I wrote down the brand and style and sure enough!! I was in and out of the dressing room in no time with a PERFECT pair of jeans.

Zafu will tell you all the brands from inexpensive to expensive, but if I recall, I don't think they will tell you where those brands are available. And now they're starting a bra one too!

Now... we still have to work on getting the stores to carry normal sizes. Who wears a Zero?!?!?

Amen!

Stacey and Clinton say you're supposed to get your jeans taken in at the waist =)
The reason there are so many size 2's left is because they PUT THEM ON THE TOP SHELF! helloooo, I don't care if the display looks more balanced that way, I am 5 feet tall and the surly teenagers working the register are ignoring me and if I can't immediately find something to knock my size off the top shelf I will not make a purchase in your store

I can totally relate! I wrote about the designer/woman-haters a while back here: http://dailyrelish.squarespace.com/journal/NaN/NaN/NaN/nastypants.html
You are hilarious by the way!

THANK YOU!

and i think i love you more now. :)

I have been a size 16 for the past 4 years and have only bought 4 pairs of jeans in that time...2 of which fit me well. Also, how about some panties with coverage that won't go "sneaking up behind" in the 3 minutes it takes for me to walk into my office building. HELLO! Larger butt, more curves, need things that stay put! I said it last year, and I'll say it again...just because I am plus doesn't mean I want a T-shirt with a kitty on it or a "Doesn't do mornings" sentiment. PLEASE!

I saw yesterday, I swear to GOD, on display for sale, as a FASHIONABLE item: tapered jeans with ANKLE ZIPPERS! Apparently, we have no memory for how bad things were looking when tapered pants with tightening devices were everywhere; even the skinniest girls looking anorexically pregnant. I share your pain at the fashion tyrants. They are out to get me too.

Laurie, I usually lurk, but wanted to comment and give you an AMEN!!! from a fellow southerner.

HATE Macys!!! Another poster is right--go with Nordstroms instead.

I used to shop all the time at Lands End, but when Sears first bought them out, their quality TANKED. It may have been resolved (it's been a few years), but be careful.

LLBean is very good for casual, but not so much for an old-school formal business environment.

My personal fav is Talbots, especially since I wear dress trousers and blouses/sweaters for work. Initial outlay can be a little pricey, even with the sales. However, they have CLASSIC clothes--I have trousers I've worn for the last 10 years, and they still look GREAT. They have talbots, talbots petie, talbots woman (ME!!!), and talbots woman petite, so you have a wide range of choices.

Good luck!!
:)

haha. this is the funniest thing EVER.

What was I doing last night? Cutting a few inches off the pants I bought the other day because I am short and they always run out of petite length and because I have thighs the waist has that gap. Arghhh.

Then there is the issue of finding a bra that fits when you are a 34A. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother but even if they are small (as my son said once when he was little) they are long.

The most obvious piece of evidence that proves fashion designers and store buyers are complete dunces?

MONEY.

The average size American woman is a size 14, and 16 is the second-most common size. All those women want to but clothes and look beautiful. And not all of them will cave in and buy the muu-muus and polyester crap out there that masquerades as "fashion"

If a designer came out with a line of well-made, affordable clothes that were tailored for women with ral bodies, they'd make a fortune.

Ah, but that would take BRAINS.

Yes, I definitely have a panties problem. I have started buying all (even Rite Aid) panties two sizes too big so that they attractively bag in the front but at least try to cover my ass.

*sigh*

Laurie, you crack me up. As a man I do not have gap problems or problems with clothes being covered in so many crystals that only Shirley McClaine would swoon over them. I face the problems of finding pants that fit me. Stores hate men who are semitall and thin guys. To make a long comment even longer, I have been on manya shopping spree with my bestest friend in the world Gladys. Women are awesome to shop with. She has an awful time finding jeans that 1) she likes and 2) that fit. I definately think there is some sort of conspiracy going on. Perhaps we should form a committee of some sort.

You know of the Big & Tall stores for men yus?

We need a Short and Curvy store for women.

I swear, everytime I find pants I can bend over in and not pass out, the legs are 6 inches too long. Find pants the right length and you know I'm going to have some cartoon character on the butt.

I have one pair of jeans I bought like 3 years ago and I must have been delusional when I bought them because they were about 6 sizes too small for me, but I kept them out of guilt. Mercifully I've lost the weight and now they fit. My hips, my butt AND my leg length!
But because they were made 3 years ago you think I could find any more of these gems? no freaking way. Fashion laughs and mocks my curvy but vertically challenged self.

I kid you not, but as of late, Kmart actually has fitted shirts that look classy and not like they were carved out of great aunt mimi's floral couch.
My breasts are not pinned in ready to burst the buttons and yet my waist is nicely flattered (read: my fat rolls are not highlighted).

LL Bean actually has some respectable-looking pants in WGIT-friendly colors (read: black). They say their XL = 18-20, and they have a size chart so you can verify that.

I would like to know where it is written that a bathing suit with decent rear coverage must also have enormous bra cups. Just because I am a 36A does not mean that I wish to unleash my cellulite upon an unsuspecting world. LL Bean is the only place I know where I can get a reasonable bathing suit.

Also, do you like how that red "dress" does not even barely cover ONE boob on my woman-sized body?

Macy's orders plenty of size 14 and 16 clothes. They get bought up. No one buys the size 2 because very, very few people can actually wear that size. Those that can are usually underfed TV stars who have their clothing custom-made and don't shop at Macy's.

Here's another vote for LL Bean - the only place I can find size 8 tall.

I shop three places: Chico's, Goodwill, and REI (the Men's section, because the Women's has all this dorky urban stuff. "Hello? Going HIKING here! If I want a cotton dress, I'll hit Goodwill!" Sorry, end of that rant.)

Chico's has the classic lines, Goodwill has everything else except the pants with the legs that zip off. I wear those instead of jeans, because I have NEVER owned a pair of jeans that didn't bite my, erm, delicate parts. With strong thighs and small waist, I can't win either. Aargh.

Glad to hear the cats are well, and the not-diet is working out. Yay, CAP!

God, right with ya. Kohls, Maceys, all of them. Those pictures could have been taken anywhere.

And here's another thing - I would like a button down top that is not dripping in lycra please. Really now, while I like the wrinkle freeness, I would appreciate not having to tug the top down everytime I move.

Its not like it doesn't fit - its comfy, it doesn't strain anywhere, it fits well. But any top designed for a woman with a bust and broad shoulders (hence, I need bigger sized tops) has so much lycra in it, that I could use it as a bindery rubber band to fasten the latest issues of our academic journals together and ship them out for bindery. And that requires a LOT of elastic. Its crazy.

Wait - you can get jeans tailored? I don't live in a cave, but I haven't bought a pair of jeans in years, nay decades, because of the gap. WIth a full 13" between my waist and my ample bottom, jeans and I have just never made peace. Not unless I want the full-on mombutt with the waist threatening to tuck into my bra. so tell me what to look for if I want to find jeans and get them tailored? I do have a good local tailor who alters other pants for me, but they usually only need to come in maybe an inch or so. Jeans...god it's usually a foot!

Carrie said:
"Land's End makes me happy in the bathing suit department"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
their catalog just arrived yesterday, and the front page is this:
http://www.landsend.com/pp/ControlSeparatesRingHalterSolidSwimTop-73340_168958_593.html?sid=8796160175098109010&cm_re=1-_-Product_Link-_-Row13_Col2&CM_MERCH=SWIMFINDER_ALL_SWIMWEAR&action=order_more&sku_0=::SGE
K took one look at the front and said "what the hell is that? A ring so you can lead her around? Or conveniently rip the front off?"

Fashion are women haters. That's really the only conclusion I can come to. I think they're nasty people who are laughing and mocking anyone over a size 10.
I've really and truly given up: I'm learning how to make my own clothes and if I need something nice, I'll pay through the nose and have it personally tailored. Because I am NEVER, EVER, going to subject myself again to the soul-crushing, self-esteem ripping experience of going to the mall. Never. Bite me, fashion.

I almost forgot to share this with you Laurie -

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17810681/

Hope the link works - for those people with an affection for purchasing panties the capture of this criminal is both scary and a relief.
Whats funny is I read that & thought of you & Sheepish Annie immediately.

Don't get me started on FASHION. My friend and I went to the mall Monday evening to return a blouse she had purchased for me for Easter that didn't fit (and actually had too many rhinestones on it for my taste). I was absolutely STUNNED at what was in Kohl's, Macy's, and Carson's (a local department store) as well as the other chains. What is happening out there? There was absolutely NOTHING I would be caught dead in -- and since it had been so long since I went shopping (I had just given up and am now ordering everything from LLBean or Lands' End online)I was shocked at how crappy the fabric and styles are now. Being plus sized, it was even worse. I won't be going back to the mall any time soon -- and I've got the money to spend, FASHION. But I won't be spending it on YOU this spring.....

OHMYGAWD!!!!! It's, like, TOTALLY like my egg donor was the buyer for Macy's!!!! (but, then again, that would mean she'd have to work for a living.)

Hear, hear! A good tailor is your best friend in the whole world. In a pinch, the tailoring dept. at Nordstroms will also do the job - they'll work on anything, though they charge more for stuff that wasn't purchased there.

Here's the secret to good work slacks. Go to the thrift store and shop in the men's suits and slacks section, where you can buy pants based on ACTUAL waist and inseam measurements. If they don't have your exact measurements, buy the ones that are too big. Take them to your tailor and have darts put in at the lower back, and maybe in the front, and the inseam adjusted to fit your preference (including that essential extra inch if you wear heels with your slacks). Voila! Perfect slacks that don't cost the earth, and even have useful pockets and comfy fabrics.

That red dress was a DRESS???

Jeezus, I thought it was a top. A bad top.

Have y'all ever been to Lane Bryant? Last week I broke down and stepped inside this store for "big boned" girls, and fell in love with several little diddys. Plus, all the clothes fit and I felt great. It was more expensive than stuff I might buy otherwise, but damn worth it for how great it looks and how I feel!

I haven't seen this mentioned but Victorias Secret panties seem to be built for the more generous butts. I have a no-butt and the ones I have from there have more fabric than what I have need of.

You lie! Thats not a dress! Even Paris Hilton requires more coverage than that!

*dead faint*

Jesse-- I buy my pants at Lane Bryant. Yup!

Oh jeez - I often wonder this myself.... it's no wonder why most of my clothes come from Lands End (size 16 here!).

Jo

That wouldn't cover a nipple...

Formal shorts - what were they thinking?

Thanks for making me laugh :)

Well I for one am at a loss! I guess I should not have bought stock in the "Bling R Us" company.
Tacky IS the New fashion buzzword don't ya know.

But, I'm glad that you said it. These fashions appeal to my mom (83 year old glamour girl) because she has vision problems. No they didn't clear up that much since her cateract surgery. The louder the better! Sparkles? The more the better, it makes her feel sparkly...

I'm cringing what I'll wear if I reach her age.

Needing new jeans and usually suffering from The Gap, I checked out zafu.com. I at least now have a list of jeans to try first.

But what other piece of clothing is also difficult to fit correctly other than jeans? Bras. But I'm happy to announce that coming soon to zafu will be the same type assistance in Bra fitting and shopping. Zafu is looking for women to fill out their survey on bra fitting in order to determine what questions to ask. So let's band together and fight those real women-hating Fashion designers.

Oh, girl, you crack me up... As a size 18/sometimes16 girl myself, I know whereof you speak. I think it's partly a west coast thing - when I go to visit family in Atlanta, we go shopping at Macy's (hello, *Macy's*, same damn chain I have in Portland...) and they have way more selection in the "Macy's Woman" dept. I guess I am an outcast as a Portlander who does not spend all my free time hiking, rock climbing, or kayaking - but if I took up all of that stuff, when would I knit?!

I stopped wearing shorts altogether as a casual option. Why in the world would I want to wear "formal" shorts???? Who wears formal shorts????

Love the post.

Your post is amusingly timed for me. I went shopping this week for work clothes too, and I also lamented (silently but constantly) the irritating assumption that women over a certain size will only wear polyester. Of course they only wear polyester. They only MAKE clothes over a certain size in polyester. Apparently large trousers in a nice cotton-linen blend (or wool, for people who don't live in LA) are too much to ask for.

As are clothes that fit without a trip to a tailor. I mean REALLY.

Try the INC woman section at Macy's - it rocks.

Speaking fo the sizing issues...try to have 2 very athletic daughters that have to search for pants and dresses that fit without the gap because they dare to have muscle. Forget Abercrombie...they are built for twigs! We finally settled on American Eagle brand and a belt to catch the wee bit of a Gap that is created. I have taught them not to look at the sizes but at the results.

CURVY.

The Gap and Old Navy have jeans they call CURVY. I love them because they eliminate the gap on me: a little relaxed in the hip and thigh, littler waist.

I highly recommend them for people who have, you know, butts.

I'd actually like to find a minimizer bra that actually minimizes (The one that I have says it minimizes 1 1/2 sizes down...yeah, sure it does)

Can anyone tell me where to find a minimizer bra that makes my ta-ta's look like a ta instead of a 3X Ta-ta-ta???

I shopped at WalMart the other day and actally found some clothes that fit me...strangely enough, they were in the mens clothing. (Hanes Pocket t-shirts, and a couple of nice button up shirts in decent colors that dont look like the interpretation of someone's LSD trip)

I hate clothing shopping, which is why I sew. I can make clothes that fit me in fabric I like...with or without rhinestones.

Have you every tried Anne Taylor Loft? The prices are reasonable, they have pants for different types of bodies (including women with hips and thighs), and their clothes are not too trendy but not too "old." I personally find J Jill and Coldwater Creek a bit too much into elastic waistbands, loose fitting jackets, and knits for my taste. Just so you know, I'm a size 14.

I totally understand what you are going through. I go to Macy's, wander around for a while and then I go to J Jill and buy tons of stuff. I buy J Jill stuff even when it's not on sale (and even more when they have a sale). For me that is major. They have a huge range of sizes and if they don't have your size in the store, the nice sales lady will order for you online. If you order online, you can return it to a store, saving return shipping. There must be a J Jill store near you, but if there isn't, here's a link. No, I don't work at J Jill or have any connection with them. I work at a software company.

http://www.jjill.com/

So very, very true. I don't shop in stores anymore. Catalog and online shopping only, for me. I know what works and what doesn't, and I only buy what works. Therefore, I DO NOT BUY PANTS FOR OR WEAR PANTS TO WORK. Dresses only. And only certain kinds of dresses. Long, ankle-length, sleeveless tank solid-color column dresses with no prints and no side slits (egads), that can be worn under professional-looking jackets. They travel well, too. But, they're hard to find -- maybe only one or two retailers sell them each season.

Finding pants that fit, without elastic waists -- I gave up on that a loooooong time ago.

Kudos, to you, on the continued healthy livin' and the subsequent need for skinnier clothes. :-)

I was just talking (well, yelling & waving my arms around) about this yesterday. I've been "not-dieting" as well and as my work clothes get bigger & bigger I have two options: 1) look ridiculous in my obviously too large clothes or 2) look ridiculous in smaller yet still ill-fitting clothes that make me look either 56, 4, flammable or pregnant.
What is a girl to do? Actually I have come up with one solution, knit up some really cute summer tops (ie. wicked, short sleeved in a cotton blend)! But knit pants, come on!

Speaking of The Gap...

The Gap, Old Navy, and Banana all have the Curvy line (makes sense, same parent corporation or some such something). Personally, I've always liked the Gap's Long & Lean jeans. I've found them the most flattering and they always fit over my curvy derierre - no matter how my weight has fluctuated over the past 5 years. Quick perusual of the Gap's website indicates they go up to size 16 (and I think Old Navy is more generous with sizing).

Oh, do I hear you on that one! I only shop for jeans once a year, when I absolutely have to. It usually ends with a bottle of wine later that night. My problem is I have muscular legs (not trim, I look like I do squats all day long, even though I don't) and what a couple of ex-boyfriends affectionately called my "ghetto booty" so I can't fit into the jeans they make for girls with flat butts. Which would be all of them. (the jeans, not the girls, as all these comments can attest to) I have recently discovered Baby Phat and Apple Bottom jeans though. Good for small waists and big butts, and that's me in a nutshell!

Hoo-boy. As a pear-morphing-into-apple, I feel y'all's pain. Sounds like we all need to learn to sew. Y'know, if we all did, and refused to buy ANY of these clothes, some things might change.

I have been lurking for awhile and enjoying the Cray as well as the Purl but today I HAD to come out and make my love for you known publicly.

I have forwarded the link to this to everyone I know.....thank you for the laugh!

Old Navy, Eddie Bauer, L.L. Bean. Not necessarily in that order. E.B. has these different fits and they have tall (which I require in a pant). When capris came out I poopooed them until I realized that length did not matter. Thank gawd, it means I don't have to wear all dresses and skirts. I do not understand the polyester thing and the shiny embellishments - I don't go to Vegas...ever. Maybe everyone else does. I do sew, but hate, hate, hate sewing pants. Soe it's important to find out who sells what I can wear. I used to buy men's jeans to get the length, but then they gap at the waist even worse. When women rule the world, things are gonna be different.

But girl..... you look GOOOOOOOD!!!!

Ha. You think that's bad? Wait till you find yourself pregnant.
Size L pants? Yeah, they probably didn't even order that size. All they had was S and XL. S would fit one of my legs and the XL would acommodate my 7 y.o. son as well as me.
Tops: All of them with horizontal stripes. Yes, we really really want to draw _more_ attention to the fast expanding belly and boobs. Yet they only sell (nursing)bras up to the (german) size 85 C. I need 90, I would prefer 95. And I will need more than a C cup the way things are going.
Swimwear, you're going to love this, I will be the big grey and pink thing floating over there. Please don't attempt to drag me further into the water, I am not a wale. Don't drag me out of the water either, because I'm not an elephant.

At least I haven't seen anything with teddy bears and hearts all over it. That was the pregnancy fashion trend when I was pregnant with my son in 2000. Luckiely then I only needed to buy pants. This time I'm out of luck, I'm so big already I'm not looking forward to the next 20 weeks, fashin wise at least.

I'm throwing my two cents in with a recommendation for Torrid. Aside from the hip fashions for plus-sized teenagers, they also carry business clothes, or at least the one at Westside Pavillion does. AND, they size their things based on 1X, 2X, etc, but they don't put the actual X on the tag. Therefore, I have many things in my closet with a "2" or "3" on the tag. Kind of makes me feel good saying that my giant ass fits in a size "3". Laurie, YOU know how big I am. They are just a bit cheaper than Lane Bryant.

i am a plus size chick. i'm on the smaller side of plus size, but still.....i ain't fittin in no juniors.

lane bryant, for the most part, scares the bejeezus out of me. seriously. they are polyester and sequins galore. and all the shirts/blouses are superduper long and look like the only thing they do is try to hide flab. badly.

and to top it off, if i do find something of any version of ok there, it fits weird. i guess my plus size proportions aren't what they consider plus size proportions. i end up with the pooch in the pants that makes me look like i should be sportin some man parts.

and then, i do hold a grudge on a salesperson there. i dared to ask what size they thought i should be in. she quoted 2 sizes higher than what i actually ended up fitting in. biotch.

thank you for letting me vent. i think i may need to go blog about this myself.

oh, and have you tried j.jill? you may find something you like there. i was pleasantly suprised.

SO SO true!! Why do they do this to us?

You look fantastic!

Regarding jeans, I have the opposite problem: My hips are a reasonable size, but my waist is out of control. And for this reason, I adore elastic.

I buy from the Lane Bryant Catalog, which is not the same thing as the Lane Bryant stores that you can walk into and actually touch the clothes you're going to buy before you buy them.

I got some EXCELLENT skorts from them last year, and wouldnt you know it, they're so far, not offering them this year. How happy am I that I over bought my skorts in two sizes.

I've actually lost about 30 pounds since august of last year. (went from 250 to about 220) and my 4x skorts are ever so comfy now, and the 3x skorts look great on me.

LB Catalog actually sells stuff that I would love to be caught dead in. (well, not literally dead) But, their clothes look like normal clothing and not the sluttish looking stuff that a lot of clothing stores sell now. (I'm sorry, I just dont want shorts that are so short that even Daisy Duke wouldnt want to wear them)

Plus they sell a lot of crocheted sweaters that I'd love to copy.

You know what's REALLY fun? Being Not a Misses and Not Quite a Women's, and pregnant.

My grammy died, and I had to try to find something presentable to wear to her funeral that did not involve (a) polyester (b) spandex (c) bling, and (d) colors that could only have been created in a lab. I'm a 37 year old woman, and I was reduced to a sobbing mess by two entire malls.

My hand to God, they had a maternity shirt variation of that dress you're modeling.

OMG! I totally relate, right down to being at Macy's and going back and forth between the Misses and Women's sections with a growing sense of horror. That was me this past weekend, and at the rate things are going, I'm going to have to try on every pair of pants in the Baltimore metro area to come up with a new work wardrobe this spring. (I will going back to work after grad school and need new everything to accommodate the growth of my butt during grad school.)

On behalf of the size 2's out there, let me propose this idea: tiny department store robots size up each entering customer, then scurry ahead to remove all appropriately sized clothing from the racks. This MUST be what happens, because whenever I go looking for a size 2, or am willing to compromise with a size 4, the only thing left on the rack for me to buy is a size 14 or 16. It's a conspiracy, I tell you.

Thank You!!!

*falls over dead*

I hear ya, Laurie! I'm down 16 pounds so far with many more to go, but a big reason (other than health) that it was time to lose weight was because all the plus size clothing designers decided if we were plump, heavy, big, fat, whatever, that we needed to look like dog shit with our attire. It's both sad and insulting.

amen.
enough said.
i have nothing witty to add.

I suggest Target! I've found some great stuff at reasonable prices for the last year or so. Especially if you are transitioning sizes rather quickly.

Of course, I'm not, but I like change in my wardrobe so that works too.

Fred Meyers also has some stuff, but the frequency of finding good stuff is lower...so to save time AND MONEY, I usually go with Target.

I have to write on behalf of us short women out here. I can never find a size that fits me. If a store does actually carry petites, half the time they are made for a stick--I mean I am short not anorexic and the two are not mutually exclusive. The only store that has petite clothes for work that don't look awful (ie Macy's petite section) is Banana Republic online. But it's pricey. Oh and the tailor thing is great but then everything I buy I have to consider that I'll be adding another 30 bucks to it. For jeans, the only ones that fit are Joe's jeans--online only I think. They have a jean especially for us shorties. THANK GOD for SHOES!

you look so pretty. congratulations for the great progress on your non-diet (my non-diet means that i ended up gaining 7 lbs but i digress).

when i was between being more than a misses but not yet a woman ... cough ... i had a bitch of a time because at the big girl store, the 14s and 16s were always the first to go too. (to be there again some day ... sigh).

anyway, i wish you luck on your quest.

also, i noticed a lot of fans of LL Bean. i like the bean too ... for kayak equipment. honestly, their pants are "mom" pants. so if you're short waisted like me, be prepared to have your boobs resting on top of your waistband. stacy and clinton love an empire waist but not from your pants.

I feel your pain, babe. I cart a bit of junk in my trunk and the last thing I need is backside bling. WTF? My ass is big enough without shinin' it up!

Where am I going after work? To return the capris I found on the clearance rack because although they fit my waist they are too tight on my thighs but the length is almost correct for my short legs. I should know better than to buy without trying on, main reason I don't do catalogs.

Yes, yes, yes! Lets not forget the insane color choices that we're often given. Day-glo orange and electric lime never went out of style in the women's department. ::shudder::

I'm in that lovely inbetween stage myself and went looking for a dress last weekend for a wedding. My options are apparently 'grieving widow' or 'mother-of-the-bride'. I'm only 29, for God's sake. I want to look cute!

Let me third Torrid as and outlet for nifty things, but pay attention to the quality and construction of the product you're looking at there. It varies wildly at times, but strangely the prices do not...

I think I have that same pair of Calvin Klein jeans!!! Why oh why do they hate us?!? *smile*

Wow! I guess this was a hot topic, huh Laurie?!?! I feel sort of stupid thinking i was the only one in the world that couldn't buy jeans at Walmart. for the last 10 years or more I have bought mine at goodwill, the ones with the pleats in front...I can't find them new anymore.

I didn't think it was the "norm" to have the gap taken in...now I have all these great on-line stores to check out and that option too!

You don't know how much this post meant to me, Laurie!!! Thank you for LIVING OUT LOUD!! :-)

Okay, there was ONE glimmer of hope for a short while- Forthe and Towns. Pretty demure (and thusly, hella sexy) and non-rhinestone-ed clothes. Opened by the GAP corp. and now...closing. So they can focus on crappy clothes for anorexic teeny-boppers in their "flagship" stores. GAH!
HATE THEM!

WOW, it looks like you hit the nail on the head, I have nothing at all to add to this conversation except A-men - sister! I'm 2nd hand and Lands End for now - I'd like to see a "what not to wear show" with a "real woman" and see how their makeover comes out.

I just shocked the hell out of myself. I decided to play dress up today, and looked at some old dresses in my closet that I've had since 1995.

Tried on the black dress that I couldnt bear to part with because I loved it, but it was unfortunately no longer in my "it fits" area of the closet.

IT FIT ME!!! Rather well, I might add...even with a t-shirt on under it (it's sleeveless and I wouldnt be caught dead wearing this dress without something to cover my shoulders and arms...or the bits of my ta-ta's that show)

I'm so excited! I can wear it again! (and I bought it at Lane Bryant *the store* about 12yrs ago. It says it's a size 18)

Now if I can just find a shoe store that sells nice looking shoes in my size (9 1/2 wide) Whenever I find a shoe that I like, it's near impossible to find one in my size. Most shoe stores dont even stock 9 1/2w shoes. They'll go from 9, skip over the 9 1/2 and jump right up to 10. What's the deal with that?

Ok, it's been about a year or so since I last bought regular pants (got preggers and have been wearing maternity pants, don't get me started on those), but I do recall the last time I bought slacks for work Banana Republic was carrying a cut called 'contoured' that actually goes in at the waist and makes the gap disappear. I was thrilled to buy them as I've always been wider at the hips and have a relatively small waist - the gap is my enemy too. You might want to see if it still exists.

Made your okra last night by the way, it was excellent! My hubby was surprised and pleased by the added heat from the cayenne.

Two words: black pants. Or: Eileen Fischer. (Who doesn't hate large-ish or inbetweenish women.) Eileen Fischer Black Pants at Nordstrom or Neiman Marcus. Expensive but so worth it. Slightly stretchy, never baggy, never draggy, never condescending and not shiny, bejeweled, loud or a waste of good money. She does good tops too. Plain, simple, not-flashy tops.

I am in that just barely women's size not quite misses size hell also. Tommy Hilfiger jeans are the best (both regular and women's sizes). I don't even end up with "The Gap", which until I found them I thought was impossible. I wear a LOT of blazers/jackets to work (and then have to find inoffensive items over which to wear said blazers). This is always my biggest challenge - finding shirts that are not screaming at other people to stare, that fit over the big boobs and don't look like a tent over the much smaller waist and on which the shoulders are not hanging to the elbows. I like the Lane Bryant Lexington pants (lower waist, fitted hip, leg between wide and straight with cuffs that go in the washer and dryer but look like dry clean only pants), but they never order enough of the small sizes. Liz Claiborne has pants like that too without the cuffs. I've bought the Liz pants both in women's sizes and regular sizes with good luck. Macy's used to carry them. I haven't looked for them in a while since I discovered Nordstrom's Anniversary Sale and starting buying a year's worth of "Caslon" brand pants before they put them out on the racks (guaranteeing they have my size).

Hi Laurie, so why fuschia? (or whatever that was you were holding up) Why even consider the fashionista police? You have access to so many retro shops from so many eras. Pick the one that suits you. I have been fortunate in that I saved all of my clothes for about leventy years, and now everyone wants a piece of my wardrobe. What goes, comes, etc. . . So, I've learned the rubber band trick: Loop one of those saved broccoli bands over the button/stud and over and thru the button hole and back again. Voila! I can now bend over without bursting my sweet-big-ass-pants. Bottom line? If you are in basicaly good health - enjoy the pleasant feel of your beautiful self.

Oh, I do so feel your pain! Life was so annoying when I was a 14/16! (I have recently, um, expanded. I'm trying to start not dieting. Ahem.) However, I do have to add my voice to the people who like Land's End and J. Jill. I have a 31" inseam. No, not 30, not 32, 31. I love Land's End for hemming for free!

And "dress up" shorts have been a no-no since the fashion people tried them the first time in the early 90s. Please!!

Thanks again for a marvelous post of "laughter through tears"!

Hi Laurie, so why fuschia? (or whatever that was you were holding up) Why even consider the fashionista police? You have access to so many retro shops from so many eras. Pick the one that suits you. I have been fortunate in that I saved all of my clothes for about leventy years, and now everyone wants a piece of my wardrobe. What goes, comes, etc. . . So, I've learned the rubber band trick: Loop one of those saved broccoli bands over the button/stud and over and thru the button hole and back again. Voila! I can now bend over without bursting my sweet-big-ass-pants. Bottom line? If you are in basicaly good health - enjoy the pleasant feel of your beautiful self.

Ugh. It's awful, isn't it. Try finding a maternity outfit that doesn't make you look like an idiot or like you are 2 years old. Nightmare. My current problem is blouses-talk about a gap! Why are there no blouses that are actually cut to allow for boobage without gappage?? NONE. I don't get it.

Oooh, no one has mentioned target yet! They have some very affordable jeans and they all are in a nicely substantial yet very very slightly stretchy (98-99% cotton, not 100%) fabric that is incredibly flattering. I haven't found any of their slacks that I like, but the problem is usually with unattractive buttons rather than fit.

As someone who is absolutely addicted to Anne Taylor for work clothes, it was a huge financial relief to find that I really like the stuff Target is coming out with these days.

Oh! other note! Their maternity section! Now, don't take that the wrong way, I only mean that they have all these fluttery empire-waist tops that would hit right below the belt line that are made out of *real natural fibers!* in pretty colors. I bought two of them and I wear them all the time.

Personally, I think that the answer to the workwear-waistline question is to find nice quality tops that look great when they aren't tucked in.

OMG you are too funny.
please visit me in MI. We would have a hoot.

From one "big girl" to another, our clothing options are ridiculous. Do they really WANT us to run around nakey?? I sure as hell don't want to be a literal "star spangled banner".

sweeet jesus, mary, joseph and all the saints! what was that? (please say shirt, please say shirt)....I hear you loud and clear. Hateful Fashion people think if you are woman sized, you are ugly and should be dressed as such. When I take over the world (OK, sure, might not happen), they will be forced to wear that crap for months...along with control top panty hose and any freakin' thing else with "control" in the top.

Jennifer -- The "Lafayette" pant from LB is my work wardrobe staple! I have the Lexington, too, in black, grey and brown. I have the brown ones on today.

I love them, but at $50 a pop, I was hoping to find something, anything, at Macy's to tide me over from their Big Huge Sale. Yeah, right LOL.

Audie I am blessed you are right, thank goodness for my healthy sturdy short self. But I still need something to wear to work so my sturdy self can feed the herd of felines ;)

They do like to eat. They take after me!! =)

Laurie, Laurie, Laurie,

You know they do not make jeans for any woman's body! Your more curvy body, or my much more straight line job (waist 4" smaller than hips). If I wear a jean with a waistline in it, it must be 3 sizes too large for my hips.

Designers just hate women who are not a size 0.

I make up for it with low-rise jeans, which also make my butt look better. (and with my "get healthy" program, shrinking is making clothes even more interesting to fit...

But those clothes you showed us?? Either they are for middle aged women with no taste, or they are for hookers.

I'm a zaftig, curvy girl and my favorite pair of jeans right now are from Ann Taylor Loft. They are good quality denim, dark indigo and they didn't cost me a godamn fortune. I'm in a similar size situation between a 14 and a 16 and I've come to be a big fan of Loft recently due to the mostly classy lines and mostly reasonable colors. Plus sometimes they have shoes in the store that go with the clothes! my kind of one stop shopping! Good luck with the shopping and you look great.

Holy CRAP Ms. Purl, what exactly IS that red thang supposed to be??
JC Penney is the 'normal-er' place to shop...

I have several friends who swear by http://www.igigi.com/ ; they always look amazing.

Seriously, I have been traumatized by the fashion industry for years. I don't want double whatever scary polyester....Thank you for making this issue more public with style and humor!

OK, I've now read through all the comments... Will someone explain to me the problem with elastic waists? I understand the beef with those elastic waists that look like the infamous "paper bag" pants of the 80s, but I find a little elastic across the back or at the sides of a skirt or pair of pants to be a wonderful thing. Eliminates The Gap and you don't pass out when you bend over. Really, I want to get this. Help!

And to all the thin women out there, I know you have problems too! For one summer I had a size two roommate (and no, she wasn't anorexic--that girl ate more than anyone I've ever met). Both of us could be reduced to utter frustration within 2.5 seconds of clothes shopping!

Via Tom: Aloe, you realize why no one makes clothes to fit a woman with normal curves-- it's 'cause all the fashion designers are gay, therefore their standard of beauty consists of a 6' male body. Think about it.

I totally agree with the teens and grannies comment. It's not any better after losing weight. After a lot of hard work I'm down to a natural size 4-6. I'm also 31 years old.

Why does fashion assume that if you're a smaller size you have no chest, hips or thighs? I'M NOT A STICK FIGURE!!! I've had some luck with Liz Claiborne's stuff for work, but I still feel like I'm wearing my mom's clothes. At the same time, the "hip" stuff the Austin college kids wear doesn't work on my either because I AM NOT A BOY!!!

Two words: Lands' End. (But then, Fashion wouldn't know me if it knocked me over in the street.)

Maybe it isn't men who design them, maybe it's those mean girls from high school who threw food at the fat girls. I bet it's them. And since they are those women, they control the stores and make them order their size by the truck load and laught when they order only one pair of real sized pants.

And try Lane Bryant. They have nice clothes and they are built for women, not stick or legal pads. I wear a lot of clothes from there, and even though I'm a broke starving college grad with no real job, I can afford it because of discounts and special offers in the mail. They have a mad perfect price section for shirts and they have nice pants. AND since you are almost a missy you would have the run of the store. Everyone who shops there seems to be a friggin' 20(pants) or 22/24 (shirts) and the 14/16s are all over the place and often on the clearance racks! Try one out, you might like it. :D

This is why I am taking up sewing.

I buy just about everything at Land's End. Their clothes are great - lots of natural fibers, classic design, every size, their clothes are well made, last forever (I have long sleeve T-shirts that are 6 years old and still look great)and their bras, panties (they come sized in your pants size! & are supper comfortable and cute too!)

Their website rocks and is easy to use. There customer service is fantastic, supper easy returns and helpful staffers. Hell I should work for these people! Anyway that's were I've had lots of luck.

P.S You could use that red dress as a head wrap if you want to dress up as Little Edie from Grey Gardens....

You are totally correct: Dolly Parton called and she needs her stage clothes back.

That pink thing is a bathing suit, right? :)

My shopping trauma has indeed led me to the on-line purveyors of Eddie Bauer & Land's End. LL Bean sometimes but I'm not really into preppy or pastels although of course that's not all their stuff.

My peeves? 1. My inseam is a smidgen too long for most petites and too short for most regulars. Why a 2-inch (or more!) difference between petite and regular inseams? 2. I have feet like a duck. Try finding cute shoes in D width in a STORE. And the nearest Nordstrom's is in Rhode Island. So catalogs it is. Although the Naot shoes were surprisingly roomy...

OMG! I saw the first picture and laughed. Had the same exact experience last week in the Macy Woman department in SF. WTF is with the freakin' glitter and rhinestones??? I'm just looking for something that looks decent on me for the nights I'm not going to the disco. I once succumbed (sp?) to a glittery number that my best friend (ha!) has dubbed "that Neil Diamond shirt" -- but that's what we're offered in the big girls department!

Oh, Laurie -- I feel your pain, girl! And good on you for walking every day -- you're an inspiration. I think I need to do more walking and a little less knitting (the HORROR!).

Cheers,
-wendy in SF

Preach it! It shouldn't be impossible to find good looking clothing that fits!

OMG. This post had me laughing so so very hard. It's all true. Everything you say. Have you ever noticed how you'll be cruising through a rack of 10/12/14 and all of a sudden you see Something Cute that you might actually wear??? And then you look at the tag and it's a size 2. I think the skinny people plant them there to crush our dreams of fashion. Ah well...Back to my psychedelic rayon inappropriately glittery top and appliqued jeans.

Laurie, you still shop at Macy's? I only go there to buy wonderbras -- because the idiots at Vicky's only carry my size in two styles -- and the occasional pair of pantyhose. Oh yeah, and perfume.

Carol, have you tried NY & Co.? I feel your pain as I also wear a 4 in pants and have 36" of legs. NY & Co. often has pants in petite, average, and tall lengths. In styles that are appropriate for work. They have been a lifesaver.

Of course, I've always stayed away from places like Land's End. A little too conservative and mainstream for my taste. And I have a job in which I do not have to be completely conservative in my style of dress. As in I can get away with wearing my fave Indian cotton patterned tunic to work. With khakis and sandals.

Although you can't hear me - I'm clapping for you. I need to wear a bigger size, but good grief, I don't like loud patterns, I don't like sparkles and I'm also not 80. Designers - please plan accordingly. By the way - I have long legs, an extra few inches in pant length would be great.

LOVE this post and LOVE the blog!!

Ya know, if you can sew a few straight seams and put in a zipper, the world of A-line skirts is pretty freakin' fantastic and covers a multitude of saddle-bagged, full-sized butt sins...Add nylons and you're work-appropriate!

This is an excellent book on DIY skirts: http://www.amazon.com/Sew-What-Skirts-Fabulous-Fabrics/dp/1580176259/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/104-6230483-1107130?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1175816256&sr=1-1

Your butt will thank you! ;)

Laurie,

I am in the same size-predicament as you are lately, and I had also lost hope of finding anything decent/suitable for wearing in public in daylight. Then I found a store at the mall called CJ Banks which is the "larger" sizes of Christopher Banks. The clothes are pretty, conservative, fit well, and the clearance racks in the back are awesome. Hopefully they have a store in LA. Check it out if you have time.

I'm right there with you in between women's and misses! Stupid fashion industry.

The most heartbreaking part for me is that J Crew won't even sell size 16 or XL in their stores. No, those "extended" sizes are only available online. God forbid some women larger than broomsticks might ruin the shopping environment in their stores.

I have a similar problem. I am all boobs and bum - and I am 5'4". According to the Fashion World, the only people with my measurements are 7 feet tall...or 4'2".

Then I found New York and Company. I found my size, my length.

Since I hate to shop, I now make a list - once or twice a year. Then I walk in, try on 1-2 things, and am DONE. Inside of 30 minutes.

LOVE IT.

Congratulations on your Newer You!

The lack of nice, decent clothing in size 14 & 16 is due to the fact that 75% of the women walking on the face of the earth wear these 2 sizes. I do not understand why store buyers do not have an ample supply of the most popular sizes in stock. I am not talking super sale here just regular priced stuff for normal sized women. Where do they get that shit they sell in the women's section at the circus? Hello, we are not clowns. Happily the internet is your friend and I have had good luck ordering from the Talbot's catalog, either misses or womens section. Normal clothing for normal career women.

I'm short, 5', and a festively plump double digit size, so for basic pants, Land's End 7-day Twill Pants ($36.50) are the best. They have a back elastic waist that eliminates the waist gap and enough give so you can breath when you bend over. Best of all you can just throw them in the wash and dryer, with no ironing necessary.

I have to say that I agree with you and that I am often wondering what the designers of plus-sized clothing are thinking? Maybe they think if we don't have anything good to wear, that will give us the incentive to lose weight?! Whatever! I find a lot of the clothes out there are for plus-sized whores or grannies with not much for those of us in between.

I do have some pretty good basic pants for work that I got at Lane Bryant in Bellingham, WA (I live in Canada) and I would never pay regular price for anything there; I go when I get coupons from them by email. My problem is that I'm big and tall; it's almost impossible for me to find pants that look good and are long enough. That's why I like Lane Bryant since they have tall pants.

I love your site and read it with enjoyment every update since I discovered it in January. My co-worker and I often talk about your posts.

oh a-MEN!! I have had the same exact conversation, i think word for stinkin' WORD, with my sister!!! oh the damn GAP!! why, woman haters, WHY??? and honestly, who WEARS a size 2?? Can I have like five or six of the size 2s and maybe then it might fit?? ugh-and do not get me started on the polyester and glitterishness....

Laurie, you look great, except for the fuchsia/red top? minidress? opensided bathing suit? Hey, I'm an "apple." Big fat tummy and skinny legs. Oh, and I also hate "Mom" clothes and "Gramma" clothes, although I happen to be both. Oh, and I'm also not a whore. Jeans are definitely a nightmare. But the worst for me is BRA SHOPPING. I actually went for a "fitting" at Nordstroms after seeing the Oprah show on getting the right size...I spent at least 1 hour there and they had NO bras that fit me. Small rib cage but huge (flabby) boobs. Oh, wait--the final one of my session cost $95, was all black with little pink embroidered flowers and was like a size 34H. I just wanted a nude colored underwire seamless bra. And I haven't even started on swim suit shopping...

And THIS is why I learned to sew.

I also discovered that big art fairs are a good place to find cool, funky, handmade, hand-dyed clothing that is actually made for the human body and are NOT made in Chinese sweatshops.

What I further do not understand is why the ladies dept. ends at a 16 (and rarely can you find a 14 or a 16) and the "womens" dept starts at 18...which is a HUGE jump in cut from the 16 in the other department. If you don't fit in the 16, you will swim in the 18. What the hell?

Sheesh... ya'all say 'whore' like it's a BAD thing...

;)

I don't know how your Macy's does it, but here is how it happens at our store:

We get a couple boxes of the product, each box contains one of each size, plus an extra 10, 12, and 14. We put 'em out, sell a few, and the computerised system tells the warehouse we need to order more of sizes 8, 10, 12, and 14.

So the warehouse sends us a box that has one of each size, and two of 10, 12, and 14. We put 'em out - and if you're doing your math you now realise we have 3 size 2s, 3 size 4s, etc.

If we sell some pants every week, and get a new assortment box every week to replace the ones we've sold, we will end up with a bunch of the sizes we don't sell, and keep selling the sizes we do sell.

I'm not saying this is a perfect method, but it could help explain, at least, why you find a lot of size 2s and no size 12s hanging on the rack.

Because I know this would otherwise be keeping you awake all night. ;-)

Not only a mall pretzel, but a Cinnabon (large, thank you very much) and a Nathan's hotdog.

The fashion industry thinks that everyone over 18 lives in a senior community, in Florida.

And they're laughing at us.

No one's going to get down this far, but . . . POCKETS! I need pockets and they don't put pockets on pants or skirts, mostly. Not to mention the complete lack of natural fibers--it get hot and humid here in DC and polyester is really not comfortable, even if it did look good, which it doesn't

I don't know what is worse, the "gap" in the back of the pants or the pants that only have a 2-3 inch crotch!! You would have to shave completely bald to wear them. OUCHIE!!

They make pants for 13 year olds or 70 year olds. Nothing for us "fluffy" (that is 10-30 pounds fuller after the winter holidays) women who are in their 30's to 50's. You either look like Brittany Spears with your drawers hanging out, which is not a good look for those who wear full cotton breifs, or you have to buy pants that your grandmother or great grandmother wear that are 100% polyester.

I have to say NY and Company (formerly Lerners) has done well in some of their styles for dress pants and capris. They also carry petites and longs. Izod also carries real womens casual pants.

I have to admit , the older I get, the longer my shorts get!! I have a hard time because I have a 34"inseam and it is tough to find unless you go to get them and pay $350 or more for a pair of good pants.

Good luck to all of us that have junk in the trunk in finding pants for REAL WOMEN!!!

Anyone else notice that these comments describe about every kind of woman there IS? and NONE of us can find decent clothing that fits all over??? I *am* a granny and you couldn't catch me in any of those hideous old-lady things. I'm not pretty like our CAP either - and you know what? I don't get waited on most of the time either. I'm 4'11" and the only sweatpants I can find are in the boys' dept. "FORMAL SHORTS???" Where on earth would one wear that, it's a contradiction in terms! Several places were mentioned (thank you lots, ladies); for me, I've taken to wearing long cotton dresses. I've gotten away with it as an Unrepentant Hippie.....but there are some things I do need to buy. Now I'm going to scroll back and check for those recommendations about bras....I don't burn 'em anymore.