Wow! That is a big step. Hope the gardener works out for you.

This story made me tear up a bit. Thank you so much for sharing your "personal journey." You have SUCH a way with words. I have been addicted to your site for about a month now. I've gone back and read through all the archives. Your bravery (for sharing all this), honesty, and drive are really inspirational. (Hope that doesn't sound TOO cheesy!)

p.s. It's so cool to know that your mom's name is Laurie too! If I had a little girl I'd totally name her Vanessa, but I didn't know if that was "socially acceptable...."

OK, I'm rambling. Happy weekend!

Oops! Posted before I read that (OK so I guess I haven't read ALL your posts, just all the ones about Mr X...), now I feel like an eejit!

Oh, Laurie. You rock.

You are so right about not wanting to face the questions. There's nothing wrong with that because you have to find those answers, first.

But it's also good to travel out into the world. Slowly, but surely, making new connections that have nothing whatsoever to do with 'those that came before'.

A new gardener. Well, let us hope that it's someone that really knows what they are doing. All my gardener does is cut the lawn.

So good luck with that!

Have a great weekend!

I've been married now for 2 1/2 years, but before then people would often say "wait -- you've NEVER been married? Why not?"
I always found that odd. Like... something was wrong with me for not having been married before age 30. I just hadn't found the right one to marry! (and some days I still wonder if I have! Haha!)

Now they ask me why we don't have kids (I do have a step-daughter, though) -- which I find rude.
We don't have kids because apparently I CAN'T have kids, but I really WANT to and thanks for making me feel someone stabbed me in the gut and said I wasn't a "real woman" because I can't have a baby. But if I SAY that, then it's all... "out there" and I don't want strangers knowing my business so I just say something vague like "well we're hoping to eventually" and try to close the topic that has just re-opened such a huge wound.

Why don't people THINK about things before they ask personal questions?

BUT -- glad to hear that your foray into the neighborhood was fruitful! The trees can now stop quaking in fear of Francisco! (... but I do secretly wonder what HAPPENED to him?)

Yer getting on with it, Hun...
Yay, You.

I've been in my New Van Nuys Place 7 mos...
I'm off to Green Thumb...(thanks for the tip in your post. I've been stuck on Mainly Seconds, Jackalope and Sego) to purchase living things and garden whimsey. Time to live again.
Hug, Poopsie.

Oh my gawd, Laurie, for some reason this blog entry got me all choked up. Good for you. I'm glad you met the neighbors, and they're nice. Rock on. (Hope the gardener is cute!)

Re: Your Healing Place.......

PS..

Coupla things with which THIS VALLEY has gifted me....

http://www.youtube.com/profile_videos?user=JillieoftheValley

Good job :)

Yay! This is so exciting and uplifting, and you are pretty much amazing, too. Hope you have a great weekend!

Congrats on getting out there! I have to admit, I've been in my apartment 1 1/2 years, and the only time I met some of my neighbors was when they thought I was burning the building down. (Note to self: *Always* make sure flue is OPEN before starting fire!) And the questions...I'm at almost 35 and never married - I get the "What's wrong with you?" looks...

God you're doing well. I am still at the very awkward stage - embarrassed that there are people I haven't seen since our relatively recent wedding where I have to tell them 'yeah, we're getting divorced.' Already. Also I tell people too much at the slightest provocation. But I look forward to moving out of our shared house and finding a little place as you've done. Where people accept me as me, not part of 'me and him'.

PS I also get the 'oh you're young' and I think 'I know!" and then start to think 'SHOULD I be looking?' ???

From strong single girl to strong single girl: it's tough sometimes to be alone (i.e. we had rats in our complex and I had to clean out a bunch of stuff, and my neighbors had husbands and I had no one to help, but it was ok because I'm a strong single girl!) but in the end everything works out ok. And, if you meet someone lucky enough to hang with you and your cats, then that will be ok too! I have to remind myself of that daily. XO

I am so happy that you will finally have a good gardener, although I am a little sad the Francisco stories have ended. Small price to pay, though, for vegetation that gets to, you know, vegetate instead of being cut down before its time!

Laurie -

Hi! I have been reading your blog for at least a year and I LOVE it!!!!

GOOD FOR YOU for going out and talking to the neighbors!! That was HUGE!! And bonus - they sound really nice!

Good luck with the new gardener! Can't wait to read about him!

See? Not so bad. I still inwardly quake when I head out alone but I don't let it stop me. You never know when you'll meet someone who can help you out, like giving you the number of a gardener. Best of luck with the new gardener!

Laurie, what happened to that really cute gardener you wrote about once before when Francisco had been AWOL. The time that he seemed to sense there was a new gardener in front of your house?

Your landlord is responsible for finding a new gardener, not you, although that is very generous of you to have gone along with it. If the yard maintenance part of your lease contract, regarding who takes care of it? If it's spelled out that he/she is responsible for it, then they are responsible incl. finding a gardener. If it's the tenant who is responsible, then they would be responsible also for finding a gardener. Anyway...sounds like maybe your landlord is out of state or not nearby, so perhaps that's why they aren't as in tune with what's going on?

Hope this gardener isn't as "aggressive" with the plants as Francisco! :-)

Congrats on meeting more neighbors! And they sound like fun ones, too. Great writing, as usual, seriously, I almost teared up when the little girl hugged your leg on the way out - how cute is that?! I understand about the questions! Yikes...I'm still single, and look younger than I am...usually Americans don't ask me anything. But, I work as a Spanish interpreter, and my patients have usually had all of their children and are getting their tubes tied by the time they're my age. So I get asked all. the. time. by these young girls (who have lived hard lives and look older than I do!) why in the world I don't have kids yet. As if there were nothing else I could be doing with my life. So, I have to remind myself that I have done more in my life than some of them will ever get to do, and just remember that it is possible to have kids after the age of 25!

WTG Laurie!!!!
& I hope the new gardener works out!

yay! Good for you!

Hurray for you and your new gardner - - and meeting the neighbors! I'm glad they seem like nice neighbors. It is sad to me how rare it is these days to have/know nice meighbors. I'm lucky in that department, too.

Have you been to the mailbox this week?

Way to go! It's nice to connect to neighbours, isn't it, even if just a little. I met my downstairs neighbour's new dog yesterday, and today she wanted me to pet her again. My neighbour is very considerate, he said he always checks to see that our cat isn't out on the stairs before he lets his dog out, so as not to scare him. There are 8 apartments in our house, and I'm on "saying hi and exchange pleasantries" terms with the neighbours in 6 of them. It took me nearly 4 years to get there, though (we have lived here for almost 5 years now).

This post makes me tear up, too, partly because I don't talk to my neighbors either and scuttle inside if I see any. But with my friends and workmates, I'm totally fine.

Yay for finding a great gardener!

Laurie - this is exciting! A new you!
A hopeful new future for your yard!
A yard full of greenery and growth!
Have a great weekend, hope you spend a lot of it outdoors!

I'm still in the "if they ask I will cry" phase. I've been back home for two months, and I have yet to get back in touch with a single one of the people I used to know (you know, before I left the country for him). This entry made me really happy, reminded me that I'm not gonna feel like this forever. Thanks.

My favorite reply to "do you have kids?," (before I had any) was: "Not that I know of." Who says guys are the only ones that can use that line.

A good gardener is a very good thing to have. Meeting good neighbors is even better. Sounds like your plants aren't the only things beginning to thrive after way too much pruning trauma.

Happy Spring

(and don't forget...sometimes it's the fertilizer in our lives that helps us grow stronger)

I have nothing vital to say, but I had to post because I'm amongst the 50 first commentators and that never happens to me.

Good luck with the new gardener. May he be cute.

Old Hippie here! I came from a very conservative family in the mid-west. When I moved to the west coast I encountered a marvelous new society. Still, sharing my space was never truly comfortable for me, even though I truly enjoyed the company of my 'communal family'. I noticed early in the situation, that I was one of the providers, cleaners, responsibile people - the "mother earth". Now, that has never been my forte. I've never aspired to being a wife, mother, housekeeper, etc. (Sorry, Martha Stewart). I'm basically a self-involved person who chooses to persue a single life, with good friends who have similar attitudes. So - I've always been cautious in my relationships with neighbors. Now, after retiring from the graphic arts sitcom, I'm becoming involved with my neighbors for the first time. People in this really responsible neighborhood are of various ages, ethnic backgrounds, and life situations. Did I get lucky or what? Good luck on the new gardener, and new neighbors. Your evening walks will provide many opportunities. Take the best, ignore the rest.

Just a vote for the Dandelions! I've always loved them, and been inspired by them. They are sturdy, can grow anywhere they can, are difficult to kill, universally unappreciated though they are beautiful, and stand brightly with their lion's manes inspite of it all. It's the Dandelions who survive.
nstssj

I am completely overwhelmed with happiness for you, Laurie.

Oh Laurie, I'm proud of you!

Hang a sign for the new gardener that says "Fruit Tree Experiment #HB987-SS00FHDK3 Property of Federal Government Do Not Trim" so he'll leave the thing alone!

Wonderful, Laurie. Isn't it weird and a little mystifying sometimes when you realize the ways you're holding yourself back?

Also, you're fantastic writer. No news there.

Laurie, I am happy for you. It is wonderful to know your neighbors. When I was growing up, we all knew our neighbors, we were in and out of each other's houses all the time -- kids and adults alike. If we went to the bathroom at their house and the roll was empty, we knew where the toilet paper was. If we wanted a glass of water, we just went to the kitchen and got it, and we knew what cabinet the glasses were in. The world sure has changed. Good for you, bringing a little piece of it back.

My husband and I did not have kids. No tragic infertility. No particular reason. We just didn't. It annoys me to no end -- makes me downright angry --- when people have the nerve to ask WHY we don't have kids. I don't know myself and I don't owe them an explanation. I just don't answer that question. I pretend I didn't hear it. But it also makes me angry on behalf of those who desperately want children and CAN'T have them.

"Do you have kids?" is a normal question. Additional questions after hearing "No, we don't" is just plain bad manners.

Got goosebumps here! Thanks for that lovely post, and it's so cool to see you go through all these changes. And isn't it funny how we all have connected through a chain of coincidences that have led us to this here website. That's just got to blow you away sometimes-it does me. Thank you for sharing your life, and in doing so, you make me (us) think about ours.

Oh thank GAWD you have a new gardener! We should all celebrate this event.

As for the questions, Lord how I hate them. Been married for almost 4 years and get asked that question "Do you have children? Why not?" several times a week and each an every time it is very painful. I don't know if people just do not think or are really that rude and inconsiderate. Still working on a stern but polite answer to that question.

Way to go Laurie! You are probably taking things at your pace and that you are comfortable with. Nothing wrong with that. You are the only one that you have to make happy. I can see from your postings that the petals of the bud are starting to open. Soon you will be in full bloom. You go girl! And don't belittle yourself if you slide backwards. But do look at and remind yourself of the good things that you have accomplished ALL BY YOURSELF. Look at those good things OFTEN. If something does not work out, just say oh well, and move on.

And Nancy F., I loved your comment "(and don't forget...sometimes it's the fertilizer in our lives that helps us grow stronger)" I may print that out and put that up on my refridgerator.

You go girl!
Your neighbor sounds nice, how fun to meet new nice people especially when you can wave to them when you see them in the hood and pet there animals. The mental picture of the little girl hugging your leg made my day.

I finally planted the grape vines today and while we were outside my son and I noticed the neighbors had a new puppy. She is so cute so we kidnapped her for a while when they weren't looking.

Laurie,

I love you. Thank you so much for your life stories. You are my all-time favorite blogger of many, many.

Deven

Way to go, Laurie...I'll be wandering a new neighbourhood soon, and I'm not looking forward to it, but you do what you have to do, right? Hope the new gardener is a treat for your eyes, as well as the plants!

I held my breath the whole time I was reading about you being in your neighbor's house, I was so certain that the gardener's name would be Francisco. Whew!!! It would have been at least partially funny if he did a nice job other places and always destroyed your plants. But better he's gone now.

I'm FOREVER getting the "When ARE you going to have kids?" I never know until I TRY to speak if I'm going to be able.

Hooray for meeting the neighbors!!

*sigh* You always seem to say everything just right. I've been where you are and quite frankly it was exactly the same for me. Well done you for venturing out into the neighbourhood!

Oh and by the way - I half expected to get to the end of that post and find out that the neighbour's gardener's name was Francisco :)

Thanks for sharing :)

The questions aren't any easier when you DO have kids! There is a ten year gap (and a divorce) between my first and second babies. When I answer the "Do you have..." and "How old..." questions they continue the Inquisition into my decade of clearly deviant non-conformity.

And it gets worse. There is only a year between my second and third babies, you can tell just by looking at them. Complete strangers feel free to walk up and enquire (in front of my children) if the youngest was an accident.

Would it be unladylike to flatten the next one who does that?

Do I care if it is?

I hope your gardener is cute and of legal drinking age! Thanks for sharing your life with us!

*HUG*

Ooohhhh- is it too late to find out where tasty adorable Abel went to? Just think of it...both a garden AND a cute gardener to feast your eyes on!
God for you in getting out there. You rock Laurie- don't ever forget it!

Congratulations, Laurie, on reaching another milestone. What a heartwarming post. To Debbie and KateMet: it's perfectly fine to answer an intrusive question with a question. It's satisfying to see the look on the questioner's face when you counter with a challenging stare, eye contact, and "Why do you ask?"

Another one coming out of lurkdom to say, GOOD FOR YOU! I'm so happy for you.

Debbie, although I usually reply to "WHY DON'T YOU HAVE KIDS?" with stony silence, I sometimes work up the nerve to use the perfect response.

"Hm. Why did you HAVE kids?"

thanks as always for your trust in people

I'm in my mid-40s and was married for 13 years, no children. When people ask me "the question," I respond with "well, I guess it just wasn't in God's plan for me." It's a polite answer and it seems to get them off the topic pretty quickly! I'm happy you are still making strides.

Hopefully s/he will not kill the nice things you are growing.

I would kill for jasmine. Except of course that it would die, especially because here on the other coast we are experiencing the Winter That Will Not End.

Ahem. Your post about your mom is so sweet! I have a great stepma too, with a different name (if my dad had found another Lucia to marry that would be too too weird), but wonderful. Congrats on meeting the neighbors. I totally feel your shyness, only mine is about different things.

Laurie, this makes me happy. It's always a good thing to find out that the world is one person brighter. Or three :)

Congrats on getting out there!

The questions suck, no matter where you are in your life people manage to ask the one question that makes you cringe. I've been married for 3 years, and have lived in seprate countries for almost that entire time, so any question about him or wanting kids has a long complicated answer that I don't always feel like getting into. It's hard when it's family asking, since you can't tell your granny to leave you alone.

I am only a twenty one year old girl who also likes to knit and finds sometimes that I really am a little different from those around me. They say silly, I say happy. Anyhow, you are such a role model for me Laurie. I really look up to how far you've come, and how you are such a strong woman. Really you are, so here's hoping your gardener is a hunk who likes to garden shirtless. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you and your spiffy camera.

They are just adjectives, and there are people who don't pry too much. I'm glad you met some. And good luck with the new gardener.

Boy, the random trivia that pops into my head sometimes.....

Years ago, when there was still The Phil Donahue Show, his guest one day was Marlo Thomas (his wife). During the audience questions segment, a lady asked her Parts 1 & 2 of "the kids question." Answer 1 was of course no, but answer 2 was: "Is there a polite way to say, 'That's none of your business?'"

A rhetorical question, delivered with a calm smile and perfect charm and gentility. The subject didn't come up again.

God, I know exactly what you mean about the neighbors. I can lock up really quickly but I'm not sure why.

Reading this made me want to cry. I'm happy for you and all of the great steps that you've taken in your life.

It was awesome to get a little bit of California springtime! I am in the ATL and right now, I am mourning the loss of my beautiful annuals that were put to their death by the frost last weekend. To hear about your pepper plants, your neighbor's cilantro and giant tomatoes made me happy. Every year I say I am going to wait until after Easter to plant and every year I get impatient. With impatiens. Ha. Anyway, thanks for that post. Garden pictures are always appreciated!

Good job!

As always...thanks. You are a beautiful writer. As introversion comes all to easily for me, it is wonderful to get a little encouragement to connect. (we planted some trees in the front yard this weekend and several neighbors stopped by to say it they looked nice).

Woo, hoo! You go, Laurie! I've lived in the same apartment for, um, well, more than a decade and I've never traded pleasantries with any of my neighbors. Well, my landlady lives in the house next door if that counts.

Eclair--I say deck 'em! Sheesh!

Well, I'm loving all this personal growth and whatnot, but the best part about all this is that FRANCISCO IS GONE FOR GOOD!!!!! ;-)

I've been lurking a long time but haven't posted until now. I'm so proud of you to be able to do that! I'm very afraid of the questions (I'm single and older) and don't talk to my neighbors at all. My landlady is very nosy and I ignore her, which makes her even more handy with the gratuitous comments. I'm even afraid to get my hair done because they always ask so many questions (Are you married? Any kids? Why not? Where do you work? How much do you make? How much do you pay for your apartment?--yes, the last time I had my hair cut and colored, I was asked those last two questions and then she was offended that I didn't want to tell her.)

So anyway, I really admire you for going ahead & doing that, and I hope it'll keep being easier and easier for you to talk to your neighbors, at least the nice ones.

Way to go Laurie!

I love my neighbors, even the ones with the aggressive dog and the one who's a fugitive felon cuz they just remind me how we're all in this life thing together.

But where IS Francisco? Has he just disappeared? Hum...just wondering...

Major victory! Yay, I'm cheering you on!

Laurie - I'll add my kudos to you. Good for you for chatting with the neighbors, for finding a new gardener - and for bringing up the Rude Question issue. I feel like my colleagues and I worked in the '70s so that our daughters and their daughters would have the freedom of Choice -whether or not to marry, whether or not to have children, &c. My 41-year old treasured daughter is independent, never married, hasn't and won't have children. I'll have to ask her how she answers anyone cheeky or rude enough to question her decisions. I like Mary's response above: she suggests saying "Why do you ask?" I've had my share: my "DH", my wonderhub, my Perfect Husband -- is #3. Took me a while before I got it right. My first husband (of blessed memory) was a black man; we married in 1965, and I was preggers. We had a second child, too, before he went to Viet Nam. My second husband was a pur-i-ty hippie and white, and we had a son too. I used to delight in saying "My sons are as different as black and white!" (cackle) I am now old enough to say and do whatever I want. (There are some GREAT advantages to Advancing Age.) But I feel so proud of you and proud FOR you. There's only one CAP and you're ace-cool and an inspiration.

Your description made me feel as if I were there, have you seriously thought of writing a book and getting it published?
I would love nice neighbors, some of my neighbors are the poster children for Hitler. One of the women down the street is threatened by anyone who can do anything better than she. Sad but, true.
Good luck with your new gardener. You never know, he may be a hottie who wears those itty bitty tank tops and you will be able to sigh as he mows, flexes and just makes your day!

You finally figured it out - you don't owe anybody an explanation. Good for you!

If I could do it (and I did) you can too!

Thank you for being far more articulate than I could ever be.

Go, Laurie, go! No biggie, indeed. :-)

Y'know Sane Aunt Purl just doesn't have the same ring to it.... but Laurie, you are reall in business these days.
Love the photoshopped pic of D&K :-) You were lucky to get even that much of a pic - K hates photos. Has been known to attempt a run after the person with the camera...

Busy week, and I just got caught up on your posts. I very much enjoy your writing and appreciate how much you share of your journey through divorce-dom. It just takes time and a lot of self-commitment to keep searching for that special somone. Since almost all states will not let me legally marry, I have avoided the paperwork of getting legally divorced--but I have gone through it and it was not always easy.

On the Myers-Briggs test the results indicated that I was 90% introvert, so writing was more comfortable to me and it took considerable efort for me to talk to folks outside my close circle of friends. Eventually I did become comfortable and now I have a much larger circle of friends...and even some that have become family.

Good for you for talking to new people and reaching out to find a new gradner. Who knows where that will lead...but it is an exciting new chapter. Bravo Laurie!!!

I always answer the "Why don't you have kids?" question with.. " Don't know? We plant our garden every year, but so far the cabbage leaves haven't produced a baby yet, and as for the stork bringing one, they can't fly in all this LA fog/smog.... Hey, Laurie have you heard of a country singer Billy Currington? his new song out right now is Good Directions, he sings about sweet tea and turnip greens (He's from Georgia) it is such a fun song to listen to. On his first album he had a song called Off My Rocker, fun stuff ...happy songs we all need em'.... Knitty-Up-Go

You are so brave.

This new year I promised myself to say hi to more people, talk more to strangers and care less about unimportant things like what people thought of me. You've inspired me to give it another try.

Hey-- at least you got people to pay for your memories-- I can't offload mine for free. ;p

Good for you, Laurie! It's a wonderful feeling to conquer a fear, isn't it?

Although it is the landlord's responsibility to find a new gardener, in your position I'd still want to do it myself. I'd want to make sure the new one is dependable and does good work. Glad that worked out for you too.

I've been married 18 years and no kids. Few people ask about it, those who do are always women. Men don't care about other people's life-choices as much.

I just say, "No we don't have kids because we don't like them." Which is the absolute truth.

Delurking.... to say good for you! I've been reading your blog for awhile. Good for you and your progress! I've been where you are, and go back to that 'safe place' every now and again. I knew I needed to get out of my shell when I needed a new roof and by 16 year old son said somthing like " hopefully there will be a young guy that will take his shirt off for you"... not that I started dating or anything, but I began to talk to naeighbors.

It's a good place to be. Enjoy every day, and all those lightbulb moments.

I want to hear all about the new gardener's first day!

I love, Love, LOVE the smells of CA in the night time. When I first moved her in Aug '98, I discovered and fell in love with Jasmine. Never smelled it in Wisconsin. Now I have a night blooming jasmine in my backyard. Intoxicating.

It seems strange to save "congrats" on your healing, so instead I'll send a cyberhug. *HUG* (The unawkward kind, of course)

xo

Well Laurie, I have to admit something... I never comment on your blog, but today I was reading your revelations and I teared up just a little.
I'm so glad you're doing so well! Friends are fun things to have (so are gardeners, and hey, he might be a young hottie like the bus driver!!)

I'm so happy for you. A step forward and a new gardener. Life is good.

Wow. So. Impressed. Not because I didn't think you had it in you...but I so don't have it in me! I am such a hermit.

Glad you're getting a new gardner. Maybe you won't burn so badly this summer since your shrubs and trees will likely have actual branches and leaves.

Laurie! You're so awesome! I love reading what you have to say and what you think. You are a truly lovely person! Thank goodness Francisco is gone, he stressed ME out!!!

love ya!

Love your blog, Laurie. As someone who didn't marry until age 42, I'm famliar with the rude question issue. I never did this but my favorite story is the single woman who responded to folks who gave her a nudge at weddings and said, "You're next." by saying the same thing to them at funerals. "You're next!"
(Maybe it was Ellen Degeneres? Ha!)

And I think the "Why do you want to know" response is perfect.

Also I love your stepmom story. I'm a stepmom, too, but my stepchildren were mostly-grown when we all got together, so ours will be a different story.

Ladies and gents, I have just emailed Laurie some convincing evidence that Francisco has relocated to New Orleans.

I could never get over the questions. First, when single and dating: 'when are you getting married?' Then, when back from the honeymoon: 'when are you having kids?' Then, what seemed like 10 seconds after the umbilical cord was cut: 'when will you have another?'

Love your blog Laurie, it's one of the highlights of my day!

HELP!

I've lost someone's blog addy. It's for Jen, who will be graduating from law school soon.

I can't believe I read all her archives but forgot to bookmark the site [or I put it someplace stupid. Sheesh.]

So, if someone has it... I would appreciate an address. Thank you.

You deserve a gold star! Good work!

See...time truly DOES heal all wounds.You've come a long way baby!

After my last husband died I literally stayed in my house for 2 years, afraid to confront any of my neighbors.
When you say "oh my husband died" You would be shocked to know how many people just blurt out"oh , really, what happened to him?"

It is 12 years later now. I have a new husband and after working on the "shy" thing for 12 years now, I'm happy to say, I actually know the neighbors I have now and they are great!
Keep it up Laurie..it's called "having a life" and you deserve one!

When people ask if you have kids just jokingly say "yes, 4 of them and they're all cats"

Hope your new gardener is a big ole piece of eye candy!

When people ask me why I don't have kids, I have a few responses that I really enjoy.

1. I'm barren
2. I'm very selfish
3. Does L.A. actually need more children?

Hee hee.

Other Ruth, do you mean my friend Jen here in L.A.? It is www.sundayundies.com :)

I'm 45, never been legally married (just common law),have no children and live in the South (Oklahoma).

My response to "Do you have kids?" is this:

Person: Do you have any children?
Me: No, I don't
Person: Why not?
Me: I'm not married.
Person: You don't have to be married to have kids!
Me: You do in my book.

Shuts them up immediately. (And by the way, I do not personally believe you have to be married to have kids.)

And if that doesn't shut them up, I add "Children need 2 parents" which really pisses them off because usually the person asking is divorced 3 times with a kid by each husband and living single again (did I mention I live in Okla?)

i think it's interesting that people have gardeners.

and i don't know most of my neighbors. i'm not exactly sure why.

Wow, you're doing better than me. We have new neighbors next door and I can't figure out how to go over and say hello without seeming nosy. I've never been very good about meeting the neighbors. I hope the new gardener is even cuter than the boy from last year who noticed it was all dead. ;-)

Yay! I was so hoping your post would end like that! I'm very shy and it's hard for me to make new friends. It's much easier for me to open up to friendly people than it is for me to go the extra distance to try and bring the shyer ones out of their shell, if that makes sense.

So jealous! What is all this business about "your gardener", anyway? Must be a west coast thing. Here in the East we have to mow our own lawns, pull our own weeds and everything. And the landlord can complain and even KICK YOU OUT if you don't "maintain the property."

Still proud that you're out and mingling, though. -That's our girl!

OK. I found your blog while searching for the perfect roll brimmed knit hat pattern. I check in 2-3 times a week now. You crack me up, make me nod and smile, and sometimes blink back tears. I'm a geezer compared to you, but I went through a very similiar experience with my own divorce. Your essay about venturing out, determined to meet the neighbors, made me take a deep breath and settle in to think about how that felt for me. Scary (SCARY!!!), exciting, mortifying, healing. All those things. Bravo to you for venturing forth. It gets better, kiddo, trust me. I'm old and have survived it. Keep on taking those baby steps one at a time, as you feel ready to. Set your own pace. The people who come into your path are there to enhance your journey, and you are there to impact theirs.
Blessings,
jeanne

I applaud your bravery, but must say I am rather sad about Francisco. I loved the stories so. "I am FRANCISCO!"

Hi Laurie,
I hope you read this....

I just re-read your 'About Me' page and I think it's time to update? The caption "I looked so happy then" does not seem true anymore... you seem so much happier (and content) now! And then you wrote "Half is missing" on that photo of Mr. X! Not true!!! =)

It's your blog, you can do what you want, but I love the Laurie that's Living Out Loud and I don't know if she'd agree with some of what's written there anymore.

Those are my 2 cents. Love love love the site!

-Vanessa

Laurie,

I'm still chanting "there is no wagon" to myself everyday and oddly enough where nothing has helped before, this has. We need bumper stickers!

I cry at the 'why no kids' question still and having just moved to a new town and onto a new block teaming with families I live in fear of the fine weather which will bring everyone out into the street with their kids and make my socially inept, hermit ways more visible to all. You hammer home hope. And hope helps more than anything.

Thank you once again.