First!

Hope you have so much fun with the folks and say hi from the bayou for me!

I know the coffee song, except my coffee is sooo much better than the garbage at work. But after having the flu for three days, anything will do.

Laurie, even in the darkest day of the winter of my soul you never fail to make me smile.

Have fun with your parents and if you do run away to Mexico have a taco de pescado in my name.

Yeah, I have done that.
Isn't it wonderful to be graceful??

Your file cabinet adventure made me LOL.

Have fun with your parents!

OH MY GOD you crack me up! I am sooo picturing that scene in my head, it's gonna keep me smiling today. Thanks!

one word: cat-on-a-stick

also: you have an office!

How hilariously mortifying! You are so glad I was nowhere near the scene of the crime. I am one of those people who laughs uncontrollably -- like it's really not in my control -- at personal injury. Did you watch the family version of The Amazing Race where that buggy got away from that family and it ran over the mom? Woo. That was terrible. And I could not stop laughing. Horrible. So, if I'd been at your office with you this morning, please know I would've gotten you your coffee, but I would've been crying and laughing the whole way. Mortifying!

Hi-lar-i-ous! Thanks for the laugh!

I'm sure he's adding a whole paragraph about how you are so friendly and entertaining even in the earliest hours of the morning. I think you get a bonus for that - I'm sure Soba is thinking tuna.

Have a fantastic time with your parents! Hope the fish taco is everything you hoped for - but don't forget to make it in for that review ;)

Oh, heavens how we love our Laurie! You never fail to make us all smiley and happy, even if we haven't yet had our coffee. Hope nothing but your pride and dignity were hurt.

I fell backwards over a chair in front of my boss once. She started laughing so hard that she had to sit down and drink some water. I just say that some of us provide much needed comic relief to a too serious world :-)
Have a wonderful time with your parents! Why is it that we clean so much before they arrive?
Love to the kitties.
Kathy

*giggling too much to even comment*

"Hi Bossman!" I'm trying not to burst out laughing... did you actually say "Bossman"?? This post cheered me up big time after my sister's phone call, telling me my dad was mad at me for speaking my mind.
I know how mean coffee can be when it's not in one's veins... when I have coffee on a regular basis for a while, I get grumpy if I don't get any.

Oh the parents are coming and we are expecting a heat wave in SoCal. Supposed to be in teh 90's this weekend!

As for the dust, I swear Southern California is the dustiest place I have ever lived (and I have lived a few places around the country)

As for walking into a 4-drawer lateral filing cabinet....been there, done that....OUCH!

Tee Hee, that is what you get for trying to be friendly... My cat taught me that too... (She is not nice any more, because I giggled when she fell off the TV - it is too small for her to nap and roll over successfully...)

Think the reason I can picture the scenario so clearly is it's the sort of thing I do myself...go clumsy people...we rock!

Great - now I've got to clean the coffee (actually a latte) off my keyboard and monitor.

Thanks for the laugh!

Heh, and then you took pictures. Did anyone wonder??

There's a particular WALL I run into with a startling degree of regularlity. People have come to accept it.

Have a great weekend with your parents!

I haven't found anything to walk into at my new work place, but I manage to kick the side of my boss's desk Every. Single. Time I get up out of my chair. And its metal, so it echos.

And I'm jealous you have an office. I'm still a cube dweller.

Hey, at least you have an office. I get to spend my workdays with Cubicles, the Greek god of modular office space.

Man, but I needed that laugh!

Thanks!

Laurie, popping in early to say how much I love your blog! I still get excited when my parents come to visit, and I am 45! We are all clumsy--usually I prefer tripping over bumps in the sidewalk while giving some hottie the eye--nothing sexier than that. Your boss probably thinks you are as great as we do; I know I'd LOVE working with someone like you. (well yes,some people accuse me of being a stalker, but hey.) Have a super, fun, lovey weekend!

I am so glad that you have embraced the fact that one woman's personal tragedy is good for the amusement of the masses.

I am going to email you a funny store of personal embarrassment that I cannot in good conscience post on the internet.

An Office!... mighty nice! I don't think my boss would let me have an office (I would mess it up too much:)
I thought I was the only one with a permanent bruise on my thigh from running into stuff! I always said it's because I am so tall, but here you are so petite and doing the same thing. Go figure!
Enjoy your parents! Mine are long gone and still missed.

Would it make you feel any better if I told you that this morning I was in our new library/conference room with a member of my staff and I thought it would be fun to demonstrate that I could wedge myself in-between a bookcase and the wall and be hidden from view? And that (of course) I got stuck there and he had to move the bookcase to pry me out?

For real.

I was having a bad morning, including tears....until I read this and it made me laugh out loud. Have a great day, Grace!

I've run into a doorframe so hard I've made my nose bleed. I turned suddenly just taking it for granted I was in the middle of the doorway. I was so not. Also my office just changed the "just push/pull the doors and they open" to "must turn doorhandle while push/pulling to open door" and we are all running into them because we've not retrained ourselves. One gal gave herself a fat lip. Could of been me, I'm just bruising my elbows and toes at this point.

Hey, I look forward to your cat pics posts, adorable fuzzy wuzzy faces! You should come visit me and see the "Cat and Bubble" pics I've recently posted. My mother says I post too many cat pics but where I'm single + time on hands + three cats + new digital camera = mucho cat pics I feel compelled to post.

*pictures smokeyjoe's cat-on-a-stick*

heh.

btw, on the grand tour of tijuana, stay away from the donkey show!

Oh Dear!

If it makes you feel any better - there is a pole about 6 inches behind my chair in my "semi-cube". I know it is there, I requested this pole inhabited space because of the pole. I get up and WHAM right into it at least once a week! And people see me - and they laugh at me often.

Cats dusting - ingenious!

If it makes you feel any better: I got out of the car of a lovely man who had taken me out on our first date and after telling him I had a lovely time I turned and crashed into a parking meter. It hit me right under the ribs. I knocked the wind out of my lungs and landed on my ass on wet muddy pavement. I nearly vomited.
Graceful doesn't even come close.

Really like the Annotated Crime Scene Photo... would anyone notice if you put a chalk outline on the floor?

Your coffee story reminds me of the Hallmark ecard over at the Hoops and YoYo page called Coffee Jitters. It's a HOOT, just like you! Thanks for sharing your crazy life with us.

Good grief you're AWESOME!! My husband once scared (on purpose) one of his female coworkers by hiding behind one of those metal filing cabinets and making a snarling/snorting animal noise. She screamed repeatedly and people came running from all over the office. He didn't mean to scare her that badly but he did. Talk about workplace professionalism....

ROTFL! Multiple mortification! Cute boss witnesses filing cabinet crash! Lack of coffee is blamed!

*****

I have a strange tendency to laugh when I'm hurt. A few years ago, I stepped in a hole and broke my foot. I sat on the ground and laughed and my poor husband is "are you hurt? are you alright?"

I responded "*gigglegigglesnort* Yes! *chuckle* I heard my foot go pop! *snickergiggle* I think I broke it! *hiccup*"

He replies "then why are you laughing?"

"cause it's funny!"

After he told my mother this story, she just sighed and nodded her head. 'Cause they don't take you too seriously in the ER when your child is laughing like a loon.

Girleen! Crackin' me up. Of course I hope you're ok and didn't break or bruise anything but seriously. Laughing out loud here.

Good grief you're AWESOME!! My husband once scared (on purpose) one of his female coworkers by hiding behind one of those metal filing cabinets and making a snarling/snorting animal noise. She screamed repeatedly and people came running from all over the office. He didn't mean to scare her that badly but he did. Talk about workplace professionalism....

When I saw the first photo of the office I thought, "How warm and inviting!" "The feng sui just oozes from there." The little collision . . . they probably JUST put that cabinet there yesterday to complete "the look." Right? Really, I'm sure.

I love you Laurie! Really and truly! Your writing always makes me laugh and without scaring you with stalker-speak, I just wanted you to know how much you make my day. Have a good weekend!

Ouch! Hope you're okay and also, just know that you have plenty of company in the "ungraceful acts committed in public" category.

My boss now actually moves things out of the way when he calls me into his office because he's seen me trip, bump into, smack my hand on or otherwise make a total dork out of myself one too many times. And I have only worked here for 6 months!

It really isn't about how hard (or in this case, Loud) you hit, it's about how rare and, therefore, treasured are those who know the rule of life - laugh first at yourself and it will make others feel less terrible if they are forced to do it, too.

OMG, I am so glad to know I am not the only person who has close encounters with unmovable and nonmovable objects in the office.

So happy for you that your folks will be in town with you.

Well, I just fall down in airports -- they are a clutz magnet, I firmly believe, which is why I'm right at home in them. Once I fell down in B terminal of the St. Louis airport (wet spot on tile floor -- who's idea was to put tile floors in airports anyway??) and you could have heard a pin drop for a few seconds afterwards, as a thousand pairs of eyes were on me. I think the only way I could have had a larger audience is if I were on stage on American Idol. But, at least my cute boss wasn't watching....

I just hope you did a little jig and took a bow after - the ONLY way to recoup a shred of dignity after something like that. I speak from experience, sadly.

At least you didn't fart at the same time...

If it makes you feel any better, I caught the heel of my shoe in the hem of my graduation gown and took a header down the stairs of an auditorium full of oh, I don't know, a few thousand people? My advisor said No, I didn't see it, but I did hear the thump.

Have fun with your folks this w/e! I hope they are bringing the contraband kitty litter. Hope there's no litter-sniffing dogs on the Border Patrol.

I will have to try to work "Bosslady" into my vocabulary. I'm sorry you whacked yourself. There was an ad on for a while with some guy knocking himself out on an open file drawer which killed me every time I saw it. Every. Time.

I thought of you yesterday as I couldn't stop the inappropriate responses from spewing from my mouth to my big boss (SVP of marketing).

can't. stop. laughing.

OW! and, HA! I've nearly lost little toes on those (foot keeps moving, toe stays behind), but never had a full-body encounter. And I slam my fingers in the heavy drawers all the time. Well, look, it could be worse! At least you didn't knock yourself blind, thus negating any chance to ogle cute Bossman again.

I used to work at a tv station in Iowa. There was a fridge on one of the sets in the 'B' studio that the newsroom people would use to put their lunches in. This was a 'union' shop, so NOONE but an engineer was allowed to touch the lighting board, or even the switch turning on the 'regular' lights.

Well, one day, they didn't have the flourescent lights that were usually on when the lighting grid was off turned on. So, the place was pitch-black. And since NO ONE was allowed to touch the light switch, our Evening News Anchorwoman walked through the PITCH DARK stage to the fridge. She ran smack into a set wall. Broke her nose and gave herself 2 black eyes. She went through a LOT of foundation covering that up on the news. So, it could be worse! At least you don't have to show up on TV 2 newscasts a night with a broken nose and black eyes from being clutzy.

(they revised the policy about the flouresent lightswitch in that studio shortly after)

One time I stepped on my skirt and pulled it down to my knees in front of a boss. Awesome.

I suspect BOSSMAN needs that much time to not snicker during the review. We've all done embarrasing things and wished we could rewind time. I bet BOSSMAN has a few public farts that he'd rather erase.
Have fun with your folks!

Maybe he is just giving you time to recover from head trauma?

Reminds me of the time my company hosted a 50th anniversary party for themselves at the Museum of Modern Art in NYC.

A friend commented about how much we were about to drink that night. I replied with a great deal of self-righteousness "I've only had one glass of wine so far and will only have one more."

And then I knocked my glasses off by walking right into a huge concrete wall.

I cannot see you working in that place for 8 hours a day - or at all. It's nice, don't get me wrong. It looks very plushy (carpet) and mauvey and calm, but, well, kind of sterile and boring. I just can't see you in an office. When I close my eyes and I envision my CrazyAuntPurl friend, I see a woman, looking extremely like Rachel Boston, walking the streets of Paris, briskly, going to get a cappuccino, wearing black with a flash of color, then returning to her flat where she sits down in front of a sunny window to write her brilliant thoughts. I know it's a little Sex in the City, but whatev. That's what I think.

Oh - and I'm sorry you hurt your self and your ego . I didn't mean to ignore that aspect of the post. I just assumed that you were alright, as I have done this very thing time an time again and I've lived to tell about it and here you are, living and telling about it, so I thought, "Oh, she must be fine," which is why I ignored it. But I am sorry and I earnestly hope that you don't bruise.

It's just a moment of your inner Bob showing through, that's all. But ouch! And with witness, double ouch to the pride.
I can relate. This morning I was coming out of a deposition in a really nice hotel and decided it would be graceful to slip on the tile in the lobby where everyone could see me... Nothing like being on your knees in a hotel to make you feel like an uncoordinated ho... I think I'll blame it on Egbert, he's my Bob in coordination land.

Oh time I started a new job and went out partying the night before to celebrate. I was a little hungover the next day.

Well, wouldn't you just know it... I ended up puking in my trash can just as the cutest guy in the whole place walked by.

He rushed over, asking, "Are you all right?"

That's when I knew he wasn't all that bright.

Thank God they had me way back in a corner. He was the only witness.

Have some soft tacos for me in Mayheco! Tamales, too, if you can find 'em!

Jesse's wins! Prat falls and injuries I can handle. Mooning the boss would kill me.

I can't believe how many klutzy people are out there! But I'm one of y'all! I have permanent marks on my thighs from not giving myself enough clearance at the corner of my desk. Why don't I ever LEARN? I'm always in too much of a rush. And my hands, my poor hands! I am FOREVER swinging my arms in too wide an arc while rounding corners, going through doorways, etc., and I have the scars to prove it. Oh, and tiny burn scars from the oven as well. ~sigh~

You know they make coffee pots that shut themselves off automatically, right?

So. Funny.

I used to walk smack dab into the metal pole between the double doors at school.

At least you didn't have your coffee in hand yet!

"still cackling madly" I always laugh uncontrollably when someone (especially me) fails at being graceful. It's a terrible character flaw I have. I even have to stifle laughter at funerals! Heinous!!Do you remember the video of the rogue elephant escaping and stomping people FLAT on that awful show "When animals go bad" or some such title? I laughed until I got the hiccups and replayed it over and over. I adore your blog, but I gotta tell ya, if I had witnessed your merging with the file cabinet, I don't think I would have survived!

Blame Robert Goulet.

What could be cuter than a kitten?

Why, a kitten in freshly dyed wool, that's what!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZJGdPS0k7g

I have tried to gracefully exit my boss's office on occasion, and walked directly into the doorframe. Awesome.

I am loving everyone else's mortifying stories. It makes me feel better about my awkwardness.

Have a fantastic time in Mexico!

Just the fact that you had the guts to stand in said hallway and take pictures makes you awesome!

You could get one of those coffee makers that have thermal carafes. No heating plate part to make the house smolder and mine has a timer to make coffee while I'm still showerin'.

Oh, I've done things like that before. Like saying hi to a nice looking boy in the library and tripping over your own feet. I understand the feeling that you get when you realize you can't walk.

I want to work in my own office.

I love 'The Office', does your boss call himself "Prison Mike" and lock you guys up in the conference room?

Oooops, wrong office, but probably just as funny with you and your craziness.

Hi Dad and Mom!

You crack me up. I can totally see you (and, for that matter, me) doing something like that.

As for the coffee. . . Those of us with kids have access to a lovely coffee song, courtesy of Ralph's World. My husband and I sing it all the time 'cause it's catchy and pretty much describes our personal religion. I'll leave you with the lyrics:

M-o-m-m-y needs c-o-f-f-e-e
And D-a-d-d-y needs c-o-f-f-e-e
(repeat)

I love my kid, I love my kid
Gosh, I love my kid
But I need what I need,
and I need a lot of what I need
And that's c-o-f-f-e-e

M-o-m-m-y needs c-o-f-f-e-e
And D-a-d-d-y needs c-o-f-f-e-e
(repeat)

I need a latte, a cappuccino
And tonight I think I'll have a little vino

M-o-m-m-y needs c-o-f-f-e-e
And D-a-d-d-y needs c-o-f-f-e-e
(repeat)

We klutzes need to start a new line of clothes with bubble wrap linings. Or portable airbags.

Hee hee hee hee hee!

And also impressed that you have an office!

It's kind of like that moment in Miss Congenialty when Sandra Bullock trips and lands on her face in front of the TV. Mortifying when you see(read) it, but so funny you can't help but laugh. Thank you.

All I can say is.......

Wanna get away?

Don't feel bad about the collision, unless you're injured. In that case, play it up for us much pity as you can get. I've seen NBA players do much worse on national television, and they're paid to be graceful and coordinated.

Whenever I feel like an uncouth and/or ungraceful weirdo I always watch an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm. I can't possibly be as out of it as some of those characters, right? RIGHT?!?

I'm exactly 5' 3" and 3/4 too!!! I don't know why this is exciting, but it is!!! I usually tell regular-sized humans I'm 5'4". They usually don't understand why 1/4 of an inch is a big deal.

Last possible appointment means he is taking you out for drinks afterward maybe.

Sweet! So at the loud "clong" of your collision with the file cabinet, did the cubicle dwellers ground hog their heads all over the office to see what the noise was (just like on commercials?) I've never worked in a office but can imagine it really does happen.

Here's a handy phrase I just learned for my figure skater daughter. When you've just had a spectacular fall on the ice and you are really OK but you just need a minute to lie there on the ice and get yourself together, but other skaters start coming over and ask if you are OK, the proper response is "I just need to tighten my laces." That is the code phrase for "Yes, I'm OK. I don't need a bunch of people running over here to see about me, but I need to lie here on the ice and contemplate the meaning of the universe for another minute or so....." Very handy phrase and now a standard reply around our house.

I am very jealous that you have an actual office to work in--one of the main probs w/ working in Manhattan is the teeny-tiny amounts of office space available.

At least you weren't holding a cup of coffee when you smacked into the filing cabinet. If it were me, that's what I would've done :-)

I trip over things in my boss' office all the time. Of course, his floor is almost entirely hidden by boxes and papers (no exaggeration), so it's easy to do. But still.

I almost died from choking on my iced tea!! Oh you are MURDER, girl!! Have a great time with the folks, give them hugs and kisses from your fans and thank them for me for raising such a wonderful, beautiful and humorous child! We appreciate their perserverence!

Heh - I once got startled by one of those mostly-empty cabinets. Yes. Startled. The same way you would be if you glanced down and saw a SNAKE under your desk. Only, it was a FILING CABINET.

I jumped sideways away from it (I tell you, IT WAS ABOUT TO SPRING!) and crashed into its mate across the hall...several witnesses...and unfortunately they knew I'm not particularly thin-skinned so they TEASED ME MERCILESSLY about it, for MONTHS.

Oh Mother, that's hilarious!

Hope you're okay, Laurie. I feel kind of bad for laughing my arse off here in Cubicle Hell, but I *totally* know how you feel.

Enjoy the parentals! Blame the shoddy housekeeping on the cats! If only they'd do their part... ;)

Rollerblading.

Pacific Beach (San Diego), wearing a bikini top and short shorts (this is when I was *tiny*). I took a jump off a curb and hit a patch of sand when I landed. My feet literally flew up about 5' and I landed SMACK on my arse. The boys playing vollyball and ultimate frisbee stood in shock, then started to run over.

I stood up, took a bow, then beat it out of there. I could not walk that night, and my roommate cried at the sight of the HUGE hematoma for weeks.

Mother -- did you pull a Bob?

oh, TFF

Ah, this bring back misty, bleary-eyed memories of my senior beach week. High school--we had just graduated and a bunch of my friends (and parents, they wouldn't let me out of their sight) had rented a house at the beach. Other friends staying at a nearby beach had dropped in, and a boy I had been interested in invited me to take a stroll at sunset along the shore. As we were heading back to the house (sober, mind you), walking up the deck to the sliding glass door, I saw ALL of my friends and my father sitting on or around the big sectional sofa facing the sliding glass door and ocean view. My best friend had this enormous smile on her face when she saw us holding hands; I looked up at him and WHAM. Walked right into the closed half of the sliding glass door. He, like a normal human, had walked through the open half. My friends tried, half-heartedly, not to laugh, but there was no hope. Fourteen years later, I have not lived it down.

I bounced off the doorframe in the conference room at work a few weeks ago. Right in front of everyone. I'm not a small girl....I think the building shook.

Laurie,
I have to admire your willingness to publish your personal humiliation for all the world to read.
I've banged on a filing cabinet -- they are not subtle.

Hope your review goes well!
And try to stay a little sober this weekend.

I read your blog everyday and enjoy it ...today though you plowed right into my funny bone....still Ling OL...Have a great time with your folks.

oh, that would so happen to me! usually, it's the overhead cabinet door on my desk, when I'm trying to quickly grab something and carefully balance the half open door with my forehead....guh.....

Back in my skinny days, I was walking down the street in NYC in a cute mini skirt. I was paying more attention to the cute boys at an outdoor seating area than where I was going. Not only did I trip, but slid right into imaginary home plate. I scraped the whole side of my left leg, and of course my skirt went all the way up! My great friends stood there and laughed instead of helping me up. Worst part was that the cute boys were laughing at me or my Haynes her way full coverage grannie panties! My head almost exploded from embarrassment. I feel you on the clumsy thing. My parents say their going to buy me a helmet, and my Mom thinks I need a CAT scan (she’s a worrier).

Have fun with your family!

Um, I am sorry I have been really super busy today and did not read the comments, but...um...a lot of people I know (immature little shits) say "fish taco" as a ephamism for...uh, well, let's just say "lady bits". And also? They make these super cool coffee makers that shut off after two hours. So.Cool. I have one.

This is an encounter I had with a man in starbucks one morning, it says all there is to say about coffee.

Him, looking sheepish and sleepy and pouring sugar into his cup;

You know,the problem is I cant make coffee until after I've had coffee"

yep, that about sums it up.

I've walked into filing cabinets. But lately, my biggest workplace hazard is the oatmeal in the company cafeteria. Some days it is the temperature (and consistency) of molten lava, and if I am not v e r y careful ladeling it into my cup (with dried cranberries - God, I love my job!) I have been known to inflict second-degree burns on my fingers.

Frank has now taken to saying, "Only YOU can prevent oatmeal accidents."

I too have the love affair with coffee, but not with my boss. And have you seen "Open Season", cause the muledeer (Ashton Kutcher) has this line when he tastes coffee for the first time: "It's wonderful! It's terrible! It's like freedom in a cup". Amen!!

Too funny!!! I fell face first once walking into my office...a gnome must have jumped out of the shrubbery and tripped me...anyway the coffee cup I was holding smacked the ground so hard and a wash of coffee covered me!! I think it was a monday... Thankfully no one cute was around! Now I try not to walk with coffee in my hand.

Oh dear, that sounds so much like something I would do. Just the first few of mine that come off the top of my head...

Sophomore year of college I got a concussion on the bottom of my roommate's bed (it was lofted). I was picking up the phone. To call someone, not in a rush to answer it. I hit so hard that I fell down, grabbed the leg of the bed and pulled it 2 feet out from the wall.

Just today, in fact, I was at physical therapy, and while I was on the exercise bike, I looked away for a second and stopped paying attention to my feet. I swear, I almost fell off. Thank goodness I caught my balance (though I don't know how I managed to!)

OK. Now I'm going to have that coffee song stuck in my head this weekend. And the thing is that I drink tea.

Have fun with the 'rents.

A girl I work with fell down a hole on campus. Walking along, talking about math, then whoops! the man-hole cover flipped up and down she went. Lucky thing she had hips too, so she was caught by the sides of the hole. Otherwise she would have been down in the sewer. Ewww! Everyone laughed so hard, she had to sit there in the hole for a couple of minutes waiting for us to stop.

omg, laughing my butt off right now!

Sorry to laugh at your pain, but you make everything so funny!

God I had such a crappy doodle day that running into a file cabinet sounds like a good idea.

Did you ever notice that the phrase "I rang that file cabinet like a bell" works well in situations like this.

Hope you didn't get a bruise and that you have fun with mom and pop!

Oh my, I had no idea there were people out there as clumsy at the wrong time as I am. Honestly, there are people that call me Grace....I think they're being sarcastic.

Never new anyone who got up at the armpit of the AM. We tend to get up at the ass-crack of dawn here.

My daddy always said "We should have named you 'Karla Grace'. That way you'd have some."

I am without a doubt way klutzier than you, dear. Dutch the Deamon Dog pulled me hard enough that I fell down the front stairs on the morning of my husband's funeral. I wore black slacks instead of the skirt I'd planned on because my knees were so torn up.

Ha!

I scared my cat because I laughed so loud.

What a way to start a day!

I haven't run into a file cabinet yet, but it's only a matter of time. I have nearly fallen off my office chair even though I was neither trying to sit down or stand up; I've nearly fallen face first in my cube when the wire from my PC leapt out and wrapped around my ankle as I stood (evil wire); and I have run into cubicle walls. One of my more outstanding feats of grace involved stepping in my trash can and nearly falling face first through the floor-to-ceiling window next to my desk.

I fell into a pool at party. Fully clothed. NOT a pool party. Drinking? Why, yes. But obviously not enough, because I remember every excruciating detail.

I loved the filing cabinet story!

And, as for morning coffee at home: What about a French press?

Cute and intelligent? Is he taken? 'Cause that's harder and harder to come by the older we get. You might want to jump right on that.

Oh, and with the sun shining on my monitor the way it is right now, I briefly thought that long, empty hallway was your newly de-cluttered home. Hee. Wouldn't the folks be surprised to see the cats lounging around in a bunch of cubicles - although, that just might be the ideal spot to write a good manifesto.

Just to add a little balance here, let me tell you about what one of my bosses did, years ago.

He had a swivel chair with casters on the bottom that would also tilt. You could rock in it or lean backward.

When he was on the phone, he tended to lean back and relax.

Well, one day he was on the phone with a customer, leaning back, and leaned back so far that the whole thing went over backward with a loud crash.

He continued on with what he was saying without missing a word or pausing until: "What? Oh, something fell off my desk." And then continued with his train of thought.

He laid there on the floor in the fallen chair until the end of the conversation before getting up.

I had to leave the room for a ten minute laughing break.

But yet, you are the the funniest female writer on the planet. It all balances out.

I love funny people... In my version of heaven I live by a lake, take morning swims and float in an inner tube in the afternoon reading. And at night I surround myself with funny people who just make us all laugh out on the screened porch with the sound of the crickets in chorus.

You may be the funniest person i have ever read!! You would be invited to my heaven- you could bring your knitting, your stories and your cats and you would bring all my selected people such joy. (Course when I get tired i will have to ask you all to go to bed so I can hang out alone with Evan Farmer from While you were out!_)

your parents truly did an excellent job with you! I know you will have a great time, but please don't stay away from posting too long because I am running out of past posts that I have not already read!

Hey Laurie -
Your filing cabinet incident is soooo me! I'll tell ya, I am constantly running in to the edge of my boss's door as I leave his office. And not just that, everytime I do it, it swings me around nearly into the wall. lol I'm so graceful. So don't feel too bad. I'll comiserate with you.

He's trying to figure out a way to write a review WITHOUT using the word " Gazelle " !
:-P

At least when you trip in your place of employment there's a cute guy nearby trying not to notice. When Bossy trips in her "place of employment" she has only her Great Dane snickering into the dog bowl.

I just read your last 3 posts and you crack me up!!! Have a great time with your parents!

Hey you, thank for the entertainment. I've been meaning to comment for a long time to say we're practically neighbors. I'm a small town TX girl moved to LA for 11 years now. I take the Orange Line to the Red Line almost every morning, spend wayyyyyy too much money on yarn and say stupid hick-sounding things all the time.. Take the girl out of the country but can't take the ...well you know... So happy to hear about your Dixie Chick sighting a week or so ago, wasn't it? Darn it all, and I work in the building directly across the street from the downtown library, too. Dang. ... but then again I'm a couple of years too old for the club that let you in. Have a great visit with the folks. I have a very inconsistent blog at http://auntmelissaskitchen.blogspot.com/ but my most recent post shows the fun places I took my last Southern guest. Have a great time!

My office has a lot of, well, a lot of CORNERs, almost all of which I ricochet off when I'm madly rushing off for tea, a post-tea pee or other important work-related things. No one has said anything, but I KNOW they're all talking about my klutziness behind my back. Bastards.

So you can count me "in" on the spazzy sisterhood.

Not going to ID myself for the amusement of the masses this time--After an emergency ladies room trip following a long flight, I once walked down the center of a crowded airport terminal with the back of my skirt tucked into the waist of my pantyhose--with the guy who was going to interview me for a new job. sigh.

As for dust, there is lots more of it than there was 10 years ago. I think it is another govenment conspiracy.

ROFLMAO! It is official, you're the funniest person on the planet. Poor you! No scars, right? Cuz I die laughing whenever someone falls down the stairs, and then I pray they're not hurt...

I recall having similar conversations with my cats too, they never pull their weight with the housework!
I hope you didnt injure yourself in your office collision!

Don't worry I actually ran INTO my boss once. And he is is my favorite boss and happy to write recommendations.

That so sounds like something I would do. At my last job, we were going on a boat ride out on a nice lake with my boss, a coworker at my level and 8 of our staff). The team wanted to play some games on board and several game choices were vetoed for the following reasons, "Jennifer would get hurt" and, my personal favorite, "Jennifer will end up bleeding and overboard and may attract sharks." (in a lake!!??)

A young gentleman I used to work with had a coffee-related accident some years back. It was the morning of the very first day in the firm's brand-new fancy offices (the Midwest office of White Guys in Ties, Inc.), and he dumped a giant full cup of coffee across his desk and onto the brand-new carpeting (much the same color as that in your place of business). He freaked out over the mess he had just created. While hurrying to the kitchen to get clean-up materials, he ran smack into one of the brand-new decorative frosted glass panels hanging from the ceiling around the kitchen. And shattered it into a million pieces. All on the first day.

So remember that there are always people out there way more embarrassed than you! And thanks for the story!

That looks like the hallway Crabman danced down in his earlier incarnation as the Office Max Rubberband Man.

You have an office??? We're not worthy! We're not worthy!

Signed,
A Cubecreeper

And the rest of your post and comments remind me of my greatest moment. Christmas day, THE Canterbury Cathedral, me clad in Laura Ashley (dating this story) and 1.5-inch heels, stone stairs, butt-surfing in front of a cast of hundreds of Holiday worshippers.

I dub thee Princess Grace. Hey, it could've happened. The Archbishop was RIGHT THERE to perform the coronation ceremony.

OMG I'm so sorry but that made me laugh so hard! I can totaly relate since I am one of the graceful people too. Your story reminded me of a time I sat down in my office chair, except for it wasn't there, it had meandered away while I was talking to a coworker. I must have looked so stupid sitting on the floor.

That's hysterical! And makes me feel much better about my own recent display of fabulous professionalism. Just last week, I, overtaken with a wave of what can only be described as Amazingly Good Common Sense, tried to toss my wallet up over a crossbeam in my elevator lobby. The elevator doors opened just in time for a crowded elevator full of startled attorneys to see me half on the back of one of my co-workers and half hanging from the crossbeam trying to reach my wallet. Truly a proud moment...

Cool! I am the same height as Crazy Aunt Purl!
Hope you are having a great visit with the parents.

Warning: (this post is goofy fanmail)
First, I hope your pride recovered from the file cabinet smackdown; and, I hope your work eval went well. Next, (goofy part now) you have completely inspired me to blog! You rock. Wish I knew how to knit something more than a long rectangle or had the time to learn. Note to self: Develop a non-time-intensive magnificent obsession to enhance current blog habit. Also, carry camera around.

I come by your blog every six months or nine and spend an afternoon or more reading up on your life (rather than living my own - we all need our little escapes!)

I may be breaking blog etiquette but I needed to come out and say some things. First, it is so obivous you're doing marvelous, in that everyday, run of the mill "cracker mccrackhead" way you have. Now there may be no way to say that and not seem condescending, but really, that is my limitation with words, not my intent!

I know I'm a few months late, but I loved your blog entry on mr. "I'm only TECHNICALLY!!! married." You never forget the moment when you have the strength to love yourself enough to say 'how dare you tell me how mad I can be about your lying' and believe you do have that right. You put it so well, I wanted to stand up in my cube and cheer! I was so happy for you and couldn't help but feel an emotional echo from my own, similar failures and triumphs.

I'm not always strong and good, but to see how you've grown since Mr. artistic freedom left is very inspiring.

I know my post is all over the place, forgive that, while accepting my thanks for sharing yourself with us.

HA! Aunt P, I heart you. Hilarious.

Please please please take a picture of the boss and post it (with his permission I guess????)

laughed out loud! thanks for the laugh- really enjoy the blog!
from: a novice knitter!

Hey,
if you get a chance, go to this blog and watch a really cute u-tube clip called "the last knit"
http://www.justcallmeruby.blogspot.com/

kelly

Laurie,

I miss you!!! I think I'm, going thru CAP withdrawal.

Please tell us how your eval went! an do POST a picture of Mr CUTE BOSSMAN!

i second 'vonancy'... we miss you!

For that exact reason (house fire) I bought a whole entire brand-new coffee pot a few years back. It automatically shuts itself off after 2 hours. Genius! Something like $40 at Target.

About two weeks ago my husband and I were at our lawyer's office and I managed a completely new trick. The ramp on our wheelchair-adapted van isn't working, so I pop him in and out. He turned, backed up to the edge of the floor, and I pulled on the handles to bring the back wheels out and down to the ground.

Unfortunately, I did so a little too briskly and I ended up backing him and his wheelchair over me as I laid myself down in the parking lot. I just couldn't get out of the way fast enough so he rolled right over me. I thought it was funny because I kept hold of the handles and sat down, rather than fell down.

I ended up flat on my back with my feet up by his footrests. I had to sit up and scoot backward on my rump to give him enough room to go forward and set me free. Fortunately, I'd wore blue jeans, not the white jeans I'd considered wearing. Then I was laughing so hard I couldn't stand up.

The legal secretary out there with us was horrified. She, being a very nice person, asked me if I was OK. I said I was fine and my husband told me later that his first inclination had been to exclaim "All right? How could she be all right? The poor woman just fell down in your parking lot and she can't even get up!" but he decided she wouldn't figure out he was joking so he restrained himself.

I tried to take a drink riiiiight about the time you ran into the cabinet here...oh I laughed...if I'd have drank one second before, there would be diet pepsi all over my computer!! hahah good times good times... LMAO!