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March 07, 2007
March 2007 Hor-O-Scopes
At Stitch 'n Bitch last week I met a really nice gal from Ireland. She's here working for JPL-NASA in Pasadena and came to SnB to meet folks. She was so nice! When she said she worked at NASA, I didn't even hesitate to be a dumbass. I just let it pop right out.
I just looked right at her with awe and wonderment and said in my finest Country Fried Tater voice, "Wow, you must be smart!"
Also, in addition to having the unfiltered things spring forth from my talking regions, notice I often say my dumbass conversation starters... as declarative sentences. Not as questions. I just go off and declare some idiocy. I declare! You must be purty smart!
ANYWAY. She was real nice about it and just laughed. Gwen laughed too, but at me not with me. Still love you Gwen ... but, uh, don't hold your breath on a nice wedding gift now.(Oh! Just kidding! You are so getting yarn! Don't tell you husband-to-be!) And then I asked the nice Irish lady whose name I wrote down but promptly lost what she does at NASA and she is an astro-biologist. Looking for life in all the wrong planets. And then I made Gwen ask her if she had anything to do with Pluto getting demoted, which she did not, and so I breathed a sigh of astrological relief as I could now be friends with her.
That is, if I find out her name again and the whole dumbass part didn't scare her.
But I still have not accepted Pluto's fate as a planetary stepchild, just as I don't want Saturn back in my House of Anything or care to ever see Jupiter sit his wide load self down in my House of Rolling Nekkid In Money ever again.
Apparently, one of them is in my House of Run-On Sentences, though. Oops.
I think next month all the horoscopes will be in Haiku, which ought to drive your little noggins insane. "What does it mean? Why does this Haiku rhyme? And have twenty-nine syllables?" And also because these horoscope things take me a while and I don't like my diary to be work. I already have work. BOY DO I. In fact, my performance review at my job was pushed back from today to next Monday. What does this mean? Does this mean they are delaying telling me that I will now have to moonlight as the company mascot, a giant walking tie? Or does it mean that I will be moved to the basement with the storage boxes and my red stapler? Or do you think they're delaying anticipation of telling me I got a prize, like perhaps... "Most Improved in 2006 for not saying 'porn' in meetings" ???
Hey, it could happen. Although it's more likely that on Monday I will be handed my giant oversized tie costume with clown feet and told to shake a tailfeather in the lunchroom.
Ah, work. I love you.
-------------
March 2007, better late than never
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)
Dr. Weil recommends that every once in a while you go on a news diet and purge your life of the obsessive need to know every. single. detail. of Anna Nicole Smith's burial drama trials and babydaddy issues. Okay, maybe he didn't phrase it exactly that way, but still you get the idea. Yes, I said it... a News Diet. And a gossip diet. I can't quite put my finger on what it is in your chart that's making me spout forth with this, except it seems like there's a little ripple of dissatisfaction, a tiny undercurrent of unhappy and all the distractions around you are well-meaning enough, like the news and the chitchat, but instead of making you feel more contentment and happiness... well, it's having the opposite effect. If you've been doing something to take your mid of your deep-seated discomfort, it's not working. The upside is that in March (particularly around the equinox on the 21st) it will be easier than ever for you to pick up some new activities, meet new people, or find new ways of getting happiness into your life. But really, all that Anna Nicole news is not helping. I am just saying is all.
PISCES (Feb. 19 - March 20)
You know how people will take on projects, like home improvement stuff and even crafty things, and they just go at this endeavor with every free moment, spending all their time and energy happily puttering away? I call this "taking something on as an art project." We do it all the time, and Pisces is great at it! There's something magic about a Pisces and their ability to transform something into real art. So I think that this month (and all the way into the summer) you need to take YOURSELF on as an art project. Evaluate your raw materials, make a list (both a to-do list and a shopping list) and get to work excavating the treasure within. I love Pisces and I love that this is your birthday time and so I hope you consider this a little task for your new year ahead -- I say "task" because Lord knows ya'll can't think of it as a present to yourselves (I know how you are, Pisces.) You need to take some time appraising yourself, your life, your situation. Sizing yourself up as well (and often) as you do your closest companions. Think of what you'd like this art project to one day look like, then set yourself out to make your art project come to life.
ARIES (March 21- April 19)
I love me a good avoidance mechanism. You and I have this in common, Aries. Now, we also have in common the fact that I married me an Aries a long time ago and ya'll know I did you wrong for many months during "my sad time" since your horoscope looked something like, "Hope you fall over from an oozing social disease. Seeya, wouldn't want to be ya." Now that I am all healed and moved on and full of happiness and also Girl Scout Cookies (damn you, office cookie bringer! damn you!) I will share a secret: I first was attracted to an Aries because of the dynamic, creative and innate fun-ness associated with ya'll. You have ideas and concepts and whole philosophies (and you know I love me a good philosophy!) and there is something so attractive about this quality that it led even me astray into thinking Aries = Action! But sometimes ya'll = Avoidance! Now would be a good time to plug back into your life, plug back into the fun, charismatic, finger-guns toting you and less of the "Let me think of a reason why I can't do that" you. Just a suggestion. And sorry for the months of bad astrology.
TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)
Taurus folks have a chatty happiness that instantly attracts me. I know that like Cancers, ya'll have your little homebody issues sometimes but I love the way you move through life with a happy medium always perched solidly in your middle. You teeter to one end, roll to the other and yet somehow always manage to get upright in the end. Much like a Weeble! Weebles wobble but they do not fall down. That is my Taurus folks in a nutshell. You have a teensy bit of teeter in your chart, there are family obligations pulling you in all directions and some strangely misplaced expectations from your friends to look forward to, but in the end (which is to say, at the end of March through all of Mid-April) you will once again find yourself wobbling back up to the middle, where you and your Weeble-Taurus goodness will find a solid middle ground.
GEMINI (May 21 - June 21)
I have a Gemini friend who just put out an offer on a house in the Valley, just a few blocks from me! And he has a girlfriend, and his sister just had twins so he's an uncle twice over. He went through a messy and prolonged divorce right around the same time I did, and he constantly amazed me with his resiliency (read: ability to go out and date waaaay before I was ever ready.) He's moving onward and happierward with his life every day and it's so much fun to see the surprise on his face every time he says out loud something new and exciting that's going on in his life. It's like he's constantly amazed that this is his life. Gemini has the ability to do that -- focus so clearly on happy amazement and satisfaction -- as well as focus on the exact opposite, lack and despair. Twins and split personalities and all that. The ability to see the happy AND the sad is more of an asset than you might imagine, though. The secret no one wants to share in the astrology world is that Gemini isn't a split personality at all. Gemini just sees both sides of the proverbial clichéd coin better than any other sign in the zodiac. The trick is to decide which view you dwell on. It's your choice!
CANCER (June 22 - July 22)
In his book called "Kosher Sex," Rabbi Shmuley writes that human beings need separation and reunion in order to sustain passionate love. "Even the slightest taste of absence will make the heart grow much stronger," he says. And he's right. Cancers would do well to remember such a wisdom in March and in life (and also, stop right this second looking at me in that tone of voice. I can read "Kosher Sex" if I want to! Granted, I thought it was a book about having sex and then eating bagels, but whatever! I learned some stuff!) We Cancers tend to want love and affection and adoration, so we often substitute closeness and proximity and ... well, it's a poor substitute. I think the trick may be that in your friendships, your relationships, even with your family you give yourself some room and space to breathe. Apply it to your job, too. If you work 60+ hours a week (ahem) ... you need time off! You need that time to avoid burnout. Stay at home moms? I am talking to you, too. All ya'll! Cancer, I know how you can be. Take the time away to be still and breathe and let a little air into your life. That way you can better enjoy the Kosher Sex...uh. I mean bagels. Or whatever.
LEO (July 23 - August 22)
Mercury is still doing its crazy thing until the middle of next week, or thereabouts, I always like to give Mercury a wide aisle to walk down since we've had our run-ins in the past. Anyway, I'm putting this right at the very tip-top of your forecast since I am late on the telling of forecasts this month (I do have to work for a living and by "work" I do not mean "sit around on the sofa pondering my bellybutton and eating astrological cheetos") and you don't want to step in any post-Mercury goo if you can avoid it. That means pay attention to financial and work-related stuff a little more closely, especially stuff that happens on days ending in "y." After the solar eclipse on the 18th, everything will be gravy in Leo. Or tuna in Leo? Or maybe ice cream in Leo. I don't know the correct metaphor (see: "Mercury harshes my linguistic buzz") but I do know that solar eclipses do funny things to Leos and ya'll are in for an excellent few weeks from the beginning of spring (March 21) onward. Whew, I am almost worn out from all the planetary chitchat going on in this horoscope. I need to get back to my cheetos.
VIRGO (August 23 - Sept. 22)
Manners are for rebels. That's why I love me a Virgo. Ya'll have manners but in the STRANGEST and loveliest ways. For example, you can always count on a Virgo to have an opinion. And share it. But a Virgo opinion isn't a character assassination, it's merely fact and logic formed with interest. Ya'll manage to say things that others could never get away with because your manners are on the inside, closest to the heart, and you never desire to hurt folks or drag 'em down. Some signs could take a lesson in this department though I will try to mind my manners and not mention which ones. Interestingly enough, your candor and honesty (which is almost always spot-on) can make people think you have no soft spots of your own. But your ability to see into others with a new light is second to your ability to be wounded deeply by those who can't see you clearly at all. Try to offer forth a little patience with these characters. Not everyone will understand you because you are unique, and different from them, and it might take a while for that to shine out. It's not personal. And they'll get some manners of their own, eventually.
LIBRA (Sept. 23 - Oct. 23)
We all have so much stress wrapped up in money. Libra is no different, even with all the balance and Zen and so on associated with Libra folks, money can still bring up all sorts of tricky issues. Toward the end of the month, money will loom large and in charge, and you can cower, cry in a corner eating cheetos, or decide that money is just math, not magic, and while you yourself may not feel all mathy and brilliant in the moment, they have these new-fangled things called calculators which do the adding, and in this case, subtracting. The upside is that you are better prepared right now than most to handle some weird financial blip and your Zen will return right after tax day in mid-April. That's not long to wait for Zen, now is it? You Libras and your ability to remain upright in a flood, I tell you what. Share a little of that rowboat with a Cancer girl? please?
SCORPIO (Oct. 24 - Nov. 21)
Scorpio folks are at better at justification than anyone! Ya'll rock the self-propelled visionary bunch o' baloney. A songwriter friend of mine from back home and I were on the phone the other night and he was telling me a story, telling me he had to get out of a particular personal situation real soon. And he said, "What you never meant can become your life." Leave it to a songwriter to sum up some profound sh*t in one line. March is a good month for Scorpios to tie up some loose ends (and that is a nice way of saying "Get rid of the stuff you don't want to become your whole life.") It's real easy to fall into the comfort of a thing, the rhythm and cadence and measure of something because it's ... well, because it's there. It's available. It happens to be there at the time and you're too lazy or unmotivated to change it so you let it go on, then go on for too long. Don't allow something you never meant to become your whole life just because you're real real good at making up an excellent justification bunch o' baloney excuse.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)
I wrote your forecast last this month, usually I write Cancer or Capricorn last. But Sag has an interesting chart (say that like you mean it and you, too, can be a prognosticator) for March and April. Maybe it's because my own family is coming out to visit that I get a family vibe strong over here, but ya'll will have family either in your hair, on your mind, in in your house for some or part of this time and they will teeter between driving you insane and making you insanely happy to have them. Also, after the solar eclipse on the 18th there's the big ol' spring equinox on the 21st and after this turning point, and it is a turning point not just on the axis of the planet but on the axis of your well-being, you are off and set for a REALLY REALLY good rest of the year. It will be in so many ways what you've been looking toward for all these long months, what you've been hoping for and praying to happen. It's like the calmness you really wanted and wished for your home life will truly, really, madly materialize and you'll get the small, calm center you held out hope for. I feel really excited about Sagittarius in '07. I will even share my Year of The Pig with ya'll.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)
"When you change, people either change with you or they leave your life forever." I heard a friend say that recently and it immediately reminded me of a Capricorn in March. Capricorns have had a change rollercoaster going on since about this time last fall and I know it felt like everything was moving too fast and out of control for your little control enthusiast hands to grab onto. Things dipped and slowed into a holding pattern or horror for a brief period last month, and now you're back on the ride. You're maybe wondering if it WILL EVER STOP. When will you regain control? When will you be back in the driver's seat motoring the car of your life? I hate to give advice based upon such things as vernal equinoxes and planets and ache in my bones and so on, but here goes. You are already in the driver's seat! You are already firmly inside your own life. The trick is to find the parts of this rollercoaster that are fun and exciting and new and instead of saying, "Oh God. What the hell is coming next?" you say, "Hmmm. That was inneresting! Wonder what the heck is up next! I hope it comes with chocolate! and shopping!" It really is that simple. (I didn't say it was easy... just simple. Very different thing.)
Posted by laurie at March 7, 2007 01:38 PM
Comments
*first*!
Posted by: smokeyJoe at March 7, 2007 01:38 PM
Absolutely love your blog and the horoscopes are a gas....but when on earth do you have time to do this stuff?? You're super women :-) But I'm glad, cuz I love, love, love reading it every day :-)
Posted by: Lori at March 7, 2007 01:44 PM
Ice cream in Leo. Definitely ice cream. With chocolate sauce. Yet another reason to anxiously await spring.
Thanks :)
Posted by: mish at March 7, 2007 01:44 PM
As an Aries, I accept your apology and also say that you are right about the avoidance thing. Cause, avoiding things is something I do very well. Like bill-paying and cleaning house.
Posted by: Mary in Boston at March 7, 2007 01:45 PM
Oooh! I like my 'scope! (Sag)
Posted by: Jeannie at March 7, 2007 01:46 PM
Thanks Laurie! I love your horoscopes, they're pretty much bang on. I find mine (Gemini) to be pretty accurate well as accurate as horoscopes can be, you know being broad and far ranging. At the moment, I'm focusing on the good...who knows what next week will bring.
Posted by: Katrina at March 7, 2007 01:46 PM
My Zen "will return right after tax day in mid-April"? Yay! Yes, this Libra can wait this long.
Math is magic, though. The bad kind of magic. I can add something up, With a calculator, three times and get three different totals. It's a gift, the kind you can't return.
Still, happy to have something to look forward to! Thanks, Laurie.
Posted by: ccr in MA at March 7, 2007 01:48 PM
YAY!! I'm a Sag and can use a really, really good year! Especially since I just had a dream the night before last about a snake trying to bite me. Used several different dream analysis websites to see what that meant and they all were BADDDDD! So maybe that just means that life will suck til the 21st then VOILA .... let the good times roll!!! (yeah, that's the ticket!!!) :)
Posted by: Kat at March 7, 2007 01:52 PM
wow, the capricorn scope is creepily pertinent to my life right now. i love horoscopes. my school newspaper got rid of them to put in a sudoku box. GRR.
Posted by: al at March 7, 2007 01:58 PM
Wow! You were so right last month, and now look at this month! Eeek!
I'm a Cappie and I WAS on a rollercoaster of a ride -- actually have been for several months (right again, Laurie) and I nearly did feel my head pop right off! Then, I grabbed hold of myself, shook myself hard -- and started making lists. I don't particularly like lists, but they do come in handy. Like mine last month: Build website for work. Buy DreamWeaver how to book. Buy Fireworks how to book. Buy chocolate (had to scratch that one because of Lent). Buy Excedrin Tension because of lack of chocolate. And those were just the top 5 items on my list.
You go, Laurie. You are my guru. My medicine woman. A priestess of the Southern Fried variety. I love you! But in a calm, I live in the Midwest so there's no reason to think I'm a stalker because I will never EVER drive in California after my San Diego vacation there last year and I'm too cheap to fly or ride in a cab.
Again, thanks.
Posted by: Jo at March 7, 2007 01:58 PM
OMG Jo that last part had me laughing so hard I nearly cried. hehehehehehehehe
Posted by: laurie at March 7, 2007 02:05 PM
i'm a cap. it hasn't been a very nice rollercoaster ride. today i did a loop-d-loop and it wasn't pretty.
of course, a$$hat calling me 'sweetie' during our team meeting was a bit much.
*sulk*
Posted by: smokeyJoe at March 7, 2007 02:06 PM
I am a Sag and born the year of the pig. WooHoo, this must be a good thing then right? I need a good thing right about now. Preggers would be good.
Posted by: Lisa Lowery at March 7, 2007 02:07 PM
as an Aries woman, you see right through me.
damn you.
:)
Posted by: sizzle at March 7, 2007 02:08 PM
I decided that if I could live my life (and education and career) over again, I'd be an astrobiologist, because that is just right up my freakin' alley. So jealous of the girl from Ireland whose living my career! (To be fair, I don't think that was even an option when I was in college, twenty (ahem) years ago). Damn, I'm old.
Cancer: be still and breathe. Easy for you to say! I have bronchitis and required a nebulizer yesterday!
Posted by: Mary in Virginia at March 7, 2007 02:11 PM
Horoscope is spot on this month! I have a friend who is a helicopter pilot in the Navy. A girl helicopter pilot. It never ceases to amaze me.
Posted by: thatfarmgirl at March 7, 2007 02:14 PM
Declaring that your astrobiologist was smart was much better than asking if she was. When people find out about my advanced degree, they say way stoopider things than you said. It's nothing she hasn't heard before, hon.
Posted by: Anna at March 7, 2007 02:21 PM
I'm a Cappy and hoping for some Good change soon. It has been a huge rollercoaster for about the last 6 months. The second half of November broke my heart, and I'm still recovering. Thanks for the 'scopes, and let's hope I get preggers tonight! :) Oops, TMI. Oh well.
Posted by: hellahelen at March 7, 2007 02:21 PM
Seconded (or howevermany-ed)--people with fancy-sounding degrees have heard such declarations a lot. I haven't even finished the fancy-sounding degree yet, and I get things like that. You're not alone in saying them, and the sincerity that I'm sure was clear helps a lot.
Posted by: naomi at March 7, 2007 02:24 PM
Actually, I'm sure it was a lovely compliment! When I told my former coworkers about my new job, the general run of comments was, "Isn't that where all the geniuses work?" and "Don't you have to be a genius to work there?"
As in: So why did they hire YOU again?
Love the Leo horoscope. I was just thinking about you today as two of the other horoscopes I read (Obsessed? Nah.) have pronounced Mercury is NO LONGER in Da House! Of course, now that means I can't blame all my problems on Mercury.
By the way, Saturn is supposed to be doing some kind of weird mojo on me until September of this year - the horoscope compared it to having demanding in-laws moving in with me - but so far, it's not been that bad.
I thought a Saturn year was supposed to be horrible? I get married in October so if it clears up before then, fine. Now, my divorce? Year of the Dragon - MY YEAR, darn it! And the previous year of the Dragon? The year I got married. So go figure. Maybe the Chinese Zodiac decided, "Well, that's enough of him. Buh-Bye!"
And if that isn't a run-on paragraph I don't know what is. Can I blame the Full Moon? Please say yes.
(My ex- was a Ph.D and a complete idiot, BTW.)
Posted by: OtherLisa at March 7, 2007 02:33 PM
I'm a sagittarius, and it's funny that your horoscope says I'll have my family on my mind this month... they're the reason why I'm doing therapy. Ok now... I'm not as weird as this sounds though! (I hope) Laurie, I think with this comment I officially weirded you out ;-)
Posted by: Dorothee at March 7, 2007 02:52 PM
You made this Capricorn cry..happy tears with hopes of chocolate and shopping and the future for her and a fantastic Virgo man she found in the turmoil that followed the exit of the ex... a Scorpio. If you didn't feel spot-on already, I can attest to it. Thanks for you and all you do.
-Brie
Posted by: Brianne at March 7, 2007 02:55 PM
Oh dear...I'll think of you as I cry and cower in the corner with my cheetos. I will try and wait patiently for my Zen to come in.
Posted by: Amy N Texas at March 7, 2007 02:55 PM
"Gemini just sees both sides of the proverbial clichéd coin better than any other sign in the zodiac. The trick is to decide which view you dwell on. It's your choice!"
boy, needed to hear that. beats the happy pills that don't seem to be working...
Posted by: Tonja at March 7, 2007 03:01 PM
Holy snot, you're freaking me out! Your Cancer 'scope is dead on. I am taking my first ever big-girl business trip this month, so your absence-makes-the-heart-grow-fonder thing is spot on. And BTW, I am traveling to San Diego. :-)
Posted by: Nancy Knits at March 7, 2007 03:02 PM
Laurie? Could you maybe have a cat picture soon? I'm suffering from withdrawal from the cat posse. I use them as wallpaper on my computer at work - especially the ones of Bob and BACON beggins...
Can't wait for the haiku horoscopes next month :)
Posted by: Leslie at March 7, 2007 03:05 PM
You do realize that if Monday's review does end with you in a "giant oversized tie costume with clown feet and told to shake a tailfeather" you will be morally obligated to go to the full length mirror in the bathroom and take a picture for us.
P.S. Keep an eye out for an email from me. I am now desparately afraid of your spam filter. ;)
Posted by: Kristy at March 7, 2007 03:22 PM
Thank you Laurie, for a lovely horoscope. Good Virgo manners!
Posted by: Jann at March 7, 2007 03:44 PM
Your Pisces forecast was spot-on, too; "myself as my next art project" is badly needed, and I've been procrastinating on it for far too long. Let's hope that your record of inspiring me to positive action continues unabated; you should see what you've already done to my frivolous spending and progress toward getting out of debt! That and the yarn diet and the de-stashifying... we'll be sainting you next!
Posted by: Nancy Neverswept at March 7, 2007 04:14 PM
Oh! I am a Sag and I can't wait for the two big planetary events that will bring on that much needed center of calm and a really, really good rest of the year. Honestly, this year (and most of last year) has just been shit on a stick for me. So even if those dates mean nothing, I am going to make them mean something.
You rock! Thanks for sharing the year of the pig with us Sags. And muchos thanks for writing the lovely horoscopes.
Posted by: Holly of HollYarns at March 7, 2007 04:17 PM
Wow Laurie, your horoscopes are always spot on. How do you do it?
Posted by: emily at March 7, 2007 04:17 PM
FRIGGIN A-MEN, Mah sistah!!!
Aquarian. And you have me NAILED (but in a good kinda way; not the dirty kinda way, but that's okay too.
And why did I first think your sentence read: "my House of Rolling Nekkid In Monkey"?!
Like, Nekked Monkeys rolling around. ALRIGHT!!!!
Posted by: MonkeyGurrl at March 7, 2007 04:20 PM
Thanks for forgiving us Arieses. Though I am really more Cancery. And thanks for the hor-o-scopes. We know they are lots of work, but we do love them. And you.
Posted by: madeleine at March 7, 2007 04:20 PM
As an Aries I am stunned by your edition this month, but I will think about it for a month and get back to you! And, funny you should mention GS cookies...my partner brought me home a box of those yummy mint cookies tonight! Spooky!! I assure you that I will not avoid eating one of those!!
Posted by: Dale at March 7, 2007 04:32 PM
Wow! I'm a Pisces and that seems really true. Against all odds, I had an art project proposal approved for school. This is a history class. It's a piece of KNITTING as art. Woohoo!
Posted by: Sarah at March 7, 2007 04:33 PM
here's a haiku helper for you:
try singing it to the first few bars of "moonlight in vermont" (i'm sure you can find it online. if it doesn't work, it's not haiku according to author lawrence block, who once had a character sing the following to that tune:
haiku's just a bore;
mere pedantic sophistry.
stick it in your hat.
(i do not, by the way, concur -- i merely find it amusing. which probably tells you more about me than even a custom horoscope could.)
a. nonnie mouse
Posted by: a. nonnie mouse at March 7, 2007 04:43 PM
Oooh oooh ooh!!! I'm at JPL too! And I need a knitting buddy. If you see here again and have a chance, let her know that I'd love it if she looked me up.
Ro
Posted by: ro at March 7, 2007 05:12 PM
Man you are so right on with the Capricorn one. I get a little zenned out reading it.
Posted by: Twilight at March 7, 2007 05:16 PM
It's always nice to read in your horrorscope that I should be doing what my brain has been telling me to do. Maybe I should start listening?
If you got my boyfriend's right, too, this is gonna be one good year. *stupid grin* It's about time!
Posted by: Anne at March 7, 2007 05:31 PM
By the way, my aunt works for JPL. She's smart too, but I'd never admit it to her. Darn physicists.
Posted by: Anne at March 7, 2007 05:32 PM
Hubby & I are both Sags - and we're buying our first house, probably closing right around the equinox. A really good coming year indeed!
Posted by: Tracy at March 7, 2007 05:40 PM
Aww...this Virgo actually likes her horoscope this month... :) Now, if only it were in haiku format.
Posted by: Tami at March 7, 2007 05:46 PM
sweet FSM, my virgo is right on the f-ing money!
thanks!
Posted by: anne marie in philly at March 7, 2007 06:27 PM
this Piscean is very thankful for your astrological forecast. I was just thinking how janky and grody i look--and this is after i've gotten dressed and cleaned up for work! ack!
so, this lady has got to get her act into gear!
and i am going to mirror a prior commenter in saying i am in kittie withdrawal as well. please. for the love of the furriness, where are the kitties? :o)
love you!
Posted by: kelpkim at March 7, 2007 06:36 PM
I am an Aries and I think you must secretly know me. Dang I was lookin over my shoulder! I would deny it all, but that would be more avoidance.
Looking forward to Mondays bathroom pix, you + tie=happy me. I will only laugh with you, though :)
Posted by: suetreiber at March 7, 2007 06:36 PM
Now I'm confused. First you implied there were no bagels but then you mentioned them again. Now I am wondering if there will be lox with these bagels. Oh, and I'm going to need some thinly sliced red onion as well. And capers. Gotta have capers. And there's a place that serves this stuff but it's too far away to walk in this overcast weather. But maybe that was the point. It's a good thing that sometimes it feels like it's too far away. Perhaps I will not take it for granted. Or grow to hate it.
With that, I'm off to make dinner. Because for some reason, I'm really hungry now.
Posted by: Dagny at March 7, 2007 06:50 PM
I know that these horoscopes take a great deal of time, but I just love them so much! Mine seem spot-on for my character, yet it's so nicely put! (I'm a Virgo, thanks) I love em and hope you keep doing them! The haiku might be a tetch hard, but, hey - go for it! =)
Posted by: carrie at March 7, 2007 06:54 PM
Let me be honest...I heart you and all that good 'ish, but it's the horoscopes that totally do it for me.
And how do you do them so well and on point??
Posted by: Heather B. at March 7, 2007 07:20 PM
I'm a Taurus--perhaps you are lurking somewhere in the wilds of Arkansas??!! Because girl you are right on. I'm a Weeble for sure--even look a little like one-(a lot short, a little squatty). Next week I start a new job (8 minute commute instead of 50 to 60 minutes--yeah) and my mom is having knee replacement surgery on Monday, so am somewhat stressed over taking care of her and keeping my wits at work. However by the end of the month I will be on the big silver bird winging my way to New Jersey to see daughter #1 and granchildren. A Granny's bliss!! Hope you will be enjoying your folks very soon. Thin mints--who can resist?? I have a box on top of frig--I think it's calling my name??!!!
Posted by: Groovy Granny at March 7, 2007 07:26 PM
Thank you for the Aries apology. I had a feeling you really, really didn't like any of us there for a while.
Posted by: Sarah at March 7, 2007 08:11 PM
I'm an Aries, but I have to tell you, I don't know about the avoidance factor. I'm so up to my eyeballs in therapy that avoidance hasn't been in my personal deck o playin' cards for quite a while. Could it be that I was born an Aries, but was supposed to be a Pisces? I was a month late. Hmmmm, I'm going to go read Pisces and see what's up.
Posted by: Tana at March 7, 2007 09:25 PM
Are you telling us Scorps to stop slacking off and do something with our lives and clear out that crud? cos I am trying to clear out the crud and do something - would moving to Co do?
DH likes his one - Virgo. He's been too candid with his clarity of thought on an online forum and has been lambasted for it.
Posted by: lynne s of Oz at March 8, 2007 03:50 AM
Well! I'm one happy sag, in for a great year it seems. Finnaly! I love your forecasts Laurie. I've just got a couple of questions my tauris husband has gotten us into a bit of money do-do. (yes a sag happily married to a taurus. gotta love that venus in conjunction with the sun thing..i think..anyway, where was I going with this? oh yeah, money) what's the road ahead look like for us on the $$ front?
Posted by: Marlene at March 8, 2007 03:51 AM
If you get the tie costume you MUST post pix! Actually, start sewing one now for your office Halloween party this year, and tell everyone you're the new mascot. If your office does this sort of thing like mine does you could win 1st place in the costume contest!
From one Cuntry Fryed Tater to another :o)
Posted by: AlliMack at March 8, 2007 04:18 AM
Sigh, more family? Can it please be your family?
Posted by: Dorothy B at March 8, 2007 05:26 AM
I so love the idea of me as a weeble wobble! Now if I could just feel like I was shaped less like one...
Posted by: Kathy in VA at March 8, 2007 05:31 AM
"Strangely misplaced expectations of friends"? Such as feeding her parakeets while she's in Morocco?
I mean I'm going to do it, she loves her birds, but still...
Posted by: Sue F. at March 8, 2007 05:53 AM
The delay is due to the fact that your boss is also swamped, and does not want to rush telling you what a great job you've been doing. No worries. (however being a mascot could be fun!). And I'm glad I'm not the only one disappointed by Pluto's demotion. My 5 year old is learning about the planets in school, and they have kept Pluto as a planet.
Posted by: Jennifer at March 8, 2007 06:10 AM
You want me to ASSESS myself? I already had my review for this year, and by far the worst part of the review is self-assessment, the part where I have to write something reasonably coherent about why I should still be employed even though I can't think of a single redeeming characteristic, either personal or professional.
You say the word "assess" to me, and my mind is a total frozen panic, except for maybe noticing how you could change one little letter and have an accurate evaluation of my worth on this earth.
I think I have to go knit now.
Posted by: Lucia at March 8, 2007 06:10 AM
When you get that ice cream for Leos, can you add chocolate chips and a banana to the vanilla?
I'm a Leo, and fully expected the everything-is-terrible part, but I'm so encouraged by the upturn in fortune after the beginning of Spring!
You've given me hope to carry on!
Oh, for you knitters who live anywhere near Maryland, start planning now to go to the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival!
It's always the first full weekend in May (the 5th and 6th this year) at the Howard County Fairgrounds.
Go to the West side of the Baltimore beltway and head West on 70 and watch for signs to the fairgrounds.
It's the largest event of it's kind in the US. It's all about sheep, sheep dogs, wool, sheep shearing, knitting, crochet, braiding, weaving, spinning, dying, crafts, lamburgers and junk food.
And admission is free! Check it out on the internet.
Posted by: Johann Mitchell at March 8, 2007 06:56 AM
Laurie, I love your blog so much I save it for last of the blogs I read daily (blog-dessert!), but I've never yet commented. I'm delurking for the first time to tell you I'll be chuckling all day over the visual of your "company mascot, a giant walking tie". Thank you!!
Posted by: Pam at March 8, 2007 07:01 AM
OMG Laurie! My husband just dropped this big ole' "I've got to start doing monthly business trips" crap on me last night and I've been freaked out ever since. I'll try my hardest to be a good cancer and not try to freak out over spending an entire week by myself.
Posted by: Christine at March 8, 2007 07:19 AM
I enjoy reading your blog, Laurie, and always look forward to the horoscopes, although I'm really not that much of a believer (gasp!). I read yours however, because I admire the great amount of outwardly-directed work you put into it, and because you keep them fun.
I'm writing this time to thank you for the timely kick in the ass. I'm an avoidant Aries, recovering from a lingering, annoying bout of shingles and trying to find a place for myself in a new location and generally dealing with a big case of the I can'ts. 'Bout time I got out of bed and seized the day already. Thanks!
Posted by: pattiblaine at March 8, 2007 09:16 AM
Amen to Aquarius! I started doing all that stuff this morning (and not thinking "tomorrow" like I do every other day). No TV news at breakfast, and started making changes because the old behaviors weren't working (food, exercise) with you in mind and the whole "make good choices for me and no go overboard and whole-hog on everything everytime or else quit" attitude. I think of it often, and am already feeling good!
Writing run-on sentences obviously wasn't on the list of things to improve upon.
Posted by: Annabelle at March 8, 2007 09:25 AM
Thank you so much for all this super hard work, and for planting the seed in my Leo brain that things will be on an upswing after the 21st. Because, let me tell you, Mercury has been jacking with my shit hard.
Also, if you were told you could listen to your radio at a reasonable volume, don't let them tell you otherwise. I'm willing to bet they already have their eye on your red stapler.
Posted by: Dr. B. at March 8, 2007 09:50 AM
"Hope you fall over from an oozing social disease. Seeya, wouldn't want to be ya."
And I thought I was just being paranoid.
I'm trying to decide if I can forgive you.
Posted by: psychomom at March 8, 2007 09:56 AM
Seriously, did you know that Michael is a virgo or were you just guessing? Freaky.
Posted by: Faith at March 8, 2007 10:01 AM
You've succeeded at freaking this scorpio out again. Are you telling me I should quit my job? *glances at red stapler on desk* burn this place down? hehe. you're so right. time to clear out some major clutter. I gots me the spring fevah!
Posted by: Liz at March 8, 2007 10:01 AM
Am I interpreting this right?
That, as a Piscean, I need to pick something about myself and change it? That's the "me as art project" thing?
Oh, honey. Oh I do so not have the energy. Oh I think I would fly into a million little pieces if I seriously decided today was the day to start losing that 20 pounds/build up my muscle tone/get rid of my personal demons/work on making a "me" that is somehow magically acceptable to the male gender, when the "me" of the past 30-odd years has apparently not been/change my hair/get LASIK done on my eyes/start wearing more makeup/do a What Not To Wear intervention on my closet.
Just LISTING that makes me feel the need to lie down in a dark room with a cold cloth over my eyes.
Speaking as a Piscean, one of the problems I really have is precisely making lists like that above. And convincing myself that I have to do every single one of those things to perfection or I am a Bad Person. And that if I fail in one of those things, I have to be punished somehow.
And I'm just not up for that this spring. When there's enough tree pollen in the air that I look like I'm weeping even when I'm in a good mood, it's really not the time to be telling me to open up a can of Whup Ass Change on myself.
just my own thought on the matter.
why don't Pisceans ever get horoscopes that say, "In this coming month you must take more hot baths and enjoy more chocolate"? Why is it always, "fix this screwed up thing about yourself"?
Posted by: fillyjonk at March 8, 2007 10:19 AM
That's easy, fillyjonk: we do, but we interpret it as: "you idiot weenie Piscean, you are not eating enough chocolate! you must fix this immediately! and has anyone mentioned to you lately that you smell bad?"
Posted by: Lucia at March 8, 2007 10:28 AM
Ok.
Well, first, these are just for fun, not life edicts. :)
Taking yourself on as an art project can mean whatever you want. I did it starting at the beginning of the year and it's been awesome for me.
That's the beauty of personal interpretation. We each bring our own unique perspectives to a thing. For example, you may have seen it as a directive that you're messed up and need to fix bad things. Fine. Your choice. But someone else may have seen it as, "Oh, a free pass to indulge myself, buy that new handbag, get my hair cut at the upscale place I love but never want to splurge on. Me! Art project!"
I took myself on as an art project and got a new hairstyle, met some nice new people, tried my hand at making homemade pizza.
It's all in your way of seeing the world. And just a reminder, once again, faurroscopes are for fun not for medicinal use. Have a great month! Thanks!
Posted by: laurie at March 8, 2007 12:25 PM
Ms. Laurie,
I have been LIVING these horoscopes this year. January.. I day dreamed the future (complete with new furniture instead of shoes). February I fought the temptation to hide my head in sand.
Now you say give myself space to breathe??
Does mean I can return to the socially awkward, isolated self that I was?? And is this just little spaces? An hour or two?
I'm still working at creating real life facetime.
I am cornfuzed...
Posted by: Debra Roby at March 8, 2007 01:15 PM
Debra, it's something about March... this is going to be a REALLY busy and fast paced month.
And it's important that even when you love something (like me, I love my job but I have been working NONstop) you give yourself a little room to breathe.
"It" can be a person, a job, a habit... whatever it is, there's something in the Cancer chart this month that looks like we could easily outpace ourselves and end up tired. Or get tired of something? Get too used to something, even a good thing?
So the horoscope is just saying, breathe. Take a few minutes to yourself because you KNOW you want to hold on (somehow) to good feelings and not let things escalate into resentment or... yes!!! That's it. It's like there's resentment hiding beneath the chart somewhere, and I think it can be avoided.
I think that if we focus on what we love out of a thing (person, relationship, situation) we can still appreciate it even when it's taxing. But the way to do that is by giving ourselves a little distance from it now and then.
Does that help any?
Posted by: laurie at March 8, 2007 01:26 PM
And yes, I think it can be little spaces. For example: I love my cats. But if I spend all weekend locked inside my house they drive me BIZONKERS. I want to yell, get off the keyboard! Stop begging for more food! Do not eat that newspaper! Who ran off and kidnapped my hair elastic? again?
But when I am away all day at work and commuting, I come home and want so much to have a cat on my head, one on my feet, a Roy on my chest and a Soba guarding the mansion.
Posted by: laurie at March 8, 2007 01:28 PM
The Irish girl's name was Damhnait (not sure of the spelling but it's pronounced DEV-nat) I found this spelling in my Irish Baby Names book.
And thanks for the Sagitarius horoscope. I could use a good 2007. Also, on the family thing--I so miss my family, but if any of them show up, it will probably be my jailbird brother on the run from the law. Great!
Posted by: Laurie Ann at March 8, 2007 02:22 PM
Laurie Ann!!! Thank you :)
Posted by: laurie at March 8, 2007 02:48 PM
Oh Laurie =') my scorpio Hor-O-Scope practically made me shed a tear, so relevent to my life.. so meaningfull.
Posted by: Rachel at March 8, 2007 08:12 PM
I'm a sagittarius and I just want you to know that I'll cry if what you're talking about doesn't happen.
Posted by: Kristen at March 8, 2007 08:24 PM
i'm a sag and i'm keeping my fingers crossed for the rest of 07. the beginning hasn't been horrible but it's been a little depressing.
Posted by: maryse at March 9, 2007 01:31 PM
Hah. Leo. Over the last three weeks, my poor-yet-totally-wonderful kitty has cost me $2000 in vet bills. Can I blame Mercury?
Posted by: Corvus at March 9, 2007 05:42 PM
An early Monday morning thank you from a Virgo. You've put a kind spin on how things tend to go.
Posted by: Natalie at March 12, 2007 02:26 AM
Virgo here. Thanks for the words of wisdom and keep them coming - I love it (I also have 2 Virgo daughters and a Cancer DH).
Posted by: Sherilan at March 12, 2007 04:20 PM
Thank you for your great horoscopes, although slightly too accurate, it's actually kind of creepy. Do your cats know my cat or are the communicating with the same mothership :-)?
Posted by: Jessica at March 12, 2007 04:24 PM
Oh god, as a Sag I am so glad to hear things are looking up for calming down. It's been a hell of a year and it's only March!
Thankyouthankyouthankyou for these. I lurve your blog.
Posted by: amanda at March 12, 2007 04:33 PM
