It is just the right amount of information.

Take it to work - put it in a coffee cup filled with used coffee grounds from the coffee shop in the lobby - just ask for some!

Keep it damp and in whatever light you have. Maybe it'll live if you keep your pants on!

Love and hugs - it will get better - I promise.

I forgot - put it in with the green part pointing up to the sky - never assume anyone knows anything!

p.s. just the right amount of info - we can all relate!

Quote:

(Hey! Did you know that cucumbers can actually liquefy! In your crisper! Who knew! I have all sorts of sciencey things going on over here in my kitchen. Want to come over for dinner?)

Your liquid cuke will go well with my liquid salad greens. I am so glad I am not the only person with a science experiment like kitchen!

Fry Victor up with some Green Peppers and eat him so he will be with you forever.

I watched a Jeffery Dahmer documentary the other day, sorry, going kind of loco too.

The other day I put my bra on my head and my son didn't even flinch. I think he might be nuts too.

remember that your onion is biennial (or however you spell that), so you won't get more onions from it. you will, however get a lovely flower and seeds you can plant to make more onions!

good luck, and keep posing photos! yay for victor!

In these parts, I refer to the "crisper" as the "food rotter". Anything that goes in, comes out liquid. That is where good food goes to die, if you ask me. There's certainly no victory onion around my place!

Hope you get some sleep soon, crazy. And keep your freakin' pants on, okay? Unless that coworker is giving you a d@mn good reason to NOT have them on!

holy crap! i'm commenting so close to the top!

what is going on with this crazy ass work schedule?

i dare you to forget your pants one day ;)

Really, you can just put it in a pot of dirt with the green part poking out and with regular waterings it'll grow. I do this all the time. I have had sprouting garlic and onions floating around the house because for a while I had a tendency to buy too much. I couldn't help it, I was still buying groceries for a couple when I was newly single. haha.

I have liquified cucumbers many a time. I love them, buy them, and then completely forget about them until they have died a horrible death. The same goes for any veggies, so I just started to buy frozen. And then every few months when I get the urge, they are still "fresh" (a big block of veggie-ice).

I have pants on too! Can we be satellite sisters??

So do you put the whole onion part in the dirt? Or just the bottom third, where the old dry dessicated roots are?

Does it have to be special dirt?

And maybe tonight I'll venture into the crisper and photograph what is grwing in there. I think it used to be a bag of key limes but now it looks like walnuts. hehehehehe.

Congrats on the pants-wearing. I laughed out loud when I read that your co-worker's reaction to your inappropriate hug was to reference the pants-wearing thankfulness.

I inappropriately hugged a co-worker the other day, and even worse was that they were in from Montreal where they are all into the European cheek kisses and it turned into a whole embarassing fiasco. I thought he was going in for a hug, so I did but he was really going for the cheek kiss so I leaned in too far, then we both backed up a bit and ended up face to face (waaaay too close) and then he went to kiss the second cheek and it freaked me out (seeing as how we were way too close to each others' faces) and I ran away.

Hmmm, too much confusing information? Ah well...

Hey, I have a compost drawer in my fridge, too!

I am also lucky to have remembered pants today -- I have a proposal due tomorrow and I'm about three inches this side of crazy.

Plonk that onion on top of some damp coffee grounds until he grows roots, then dig a hole deep enough to accommodate the roots. Put a little fresh potting soil in the hole, set the rooty onion in place, and tamp down the soil around the onion, leaving the top 1/2" of the bulb exposed. You will get a nice flower, and seeds.

Laurie, do you like Theodore Roethke's poetry. Your onion reminds me of the poems "Root Cellar" and "Cuttings"

From Cuttings:

"This urge, wrestle, resurrection of dry sticks,
Cut stems struggling to put down feet,
What saint strained so much,
Rose on such lopped limbs to a new life?"

Glad you've been able to keep the pants on so far.

Oh hon...limes should not look like walnuts.

If at any time, you just need to come over, sit on the big comfy chair and not be faced with watery cukes, crackhead Bob and whatever (I am) Francisco has done to your backyard, feel free to drop on by.

Also, hope you got that free Starbucks.

So... Is coworker cute, single, or anything like that? :D

Stick Victor in a pot (with some dirt*), put him in a sunny window, and water him once a week or so. Or you can plant him outdoors if it's not going to freeze any time soon, but you still have to remember to water him. I'm not sure what you'll get other than a lot of greens, but greens are very beautiful.

*Make sure it's organic dirt, that is to say dirt that is mostly poop. Or is that too much information?

You could follow Solomon's intructions and cut it in half. Plant the root half and expect flower and seed next year, and stir-fry the sprouting half, using the sprout like chives. The best of two possibilities!

First of all, who is Victor? ;-)

But seriously, the best use for that onion is for eating, at this point. I quote the UMN extension office (http://www.extension.umn.edu/yardandgarden/ygbriefs/h247onion.html) here:

"Sets:
Sets are onions that were planted from seed last year. Sets for white, yellow and sometimes red onions are available from mail order catalogs and even some grocery stores. You can raise your own sets but you'll need to direct seed them in the garden by July so they can grow big enough to harvest and store in fall.

Buy onion sets that are firm and marble size but have not sprouted. Big sets may split into two bulbs or produce a flower stalk very early. (When an onion sends up a flower stalk, pull the onion and use it; it will not continue to grow larger nor will it store well.)..."

Since my unfortunate break up, all manner of life has sprung forth from my fridge and vegetable cupboard. Little did I know that I was cultivating hope and not just dangerous organisms. Whilst the smoked mackerel that has been lingering in the fridge for about 2 months will probably not come to anything (but e coli), I will focus on the rotting root vegetables.

Can they live on wine and Marlboro Lights? It seems I can...

I'm so glad you posted this, as Victor has a girlfriend here on the east coast.

You're batting 1000 - I laugh out loud at EVERY note (except the ones where I'm wowed by your Ancient Wisdom from such a wee girlie which makes me all watery-eyed). Congratulations on Victor! Yeah, do what they all said and keep him going. I have an avocado seed named "Lazarus" which they say will become a tree. But he's a Wisconsin Avocado now, and I think tall-skinny-stick-with-big-weird-leaves is as far as he's going to go. In the winter his leaves get brown on the edges and icky, but last year I forgot to throw him away and in the spring he started making NEW leaves without brown edges -- "Lazarus". I'm still waiting this year for the new leaves, but it's early yet. WALNUTS?? hehahahahaeeheaahe

Why can't I work with you? You seem to be so much more fun than my co-workers.

Have you seen those cute little hyacynth kits you can get? They kind of look like onions, but you can put them in a little dish and grow them right on your desk and have a little bit of spring right in your office. I know, we live in SoCal, where it's always spring, but they are really neat. I used to grow them when I worked for the DN, in the office without windows, which I swear was done on purpose so it'd be like Vegas and we'd lose all track of time...

You sound like you'd be a lot of fun to work with!

I had an editor once in Topeka whose coffee cup had a quarter-inch of fluorescent orange mold growing at the bottom. We threatened to turn him in to County Health if he didn't either sterilize it in the dishwasher or throw it away. Knowing him, he probably still has it...

OK--I can tell that Victor is important in a symbolic kind of way--so, I think the best thing to do is to plant him in some good potting soil--(pot not too much bigger than he is--couple of inches max) be sure to keep the top of him uncovered--about a 2-3 inch circle surrounding the green. Good light. We need to get some roots growing, and I'm betting Victor is ready to get it on. If he isn't, at least you gave him every opportunity! Handsome onion you have there Purl.

Laurie:

OMG! OMG! OMG! I thought I was the only one:

http://ladyknitterly.blogspot.com

Uploaded especially for you. (Also, this makes me inordinately happy, like I am not a bad person for letting onions actually sprout in the kitchen.)

Oh, I so relate to you! Today I was halfway down the block when I realized I had neither contacts nor glasses! And, I fell down the stairs on Saturday and I have a huge (6" long by about 4" tall) bruise on my right butt cheek that is the color of a purple plum (though it's starting to turn into the color of a red plum now, and I'm guessing in a week or so it will be mango colored). I gotta slow down! Wish I had a blog, just so I could post a picture of my butt bruise!

I missed the "free coffee at Starbucks" day! I was trapped on the grounds of Disney World. I could only eat what the Disney people wanted me to eat. And NO DRINKING (school trip). Drinking would have made chaperoning soooooo much more bearable.

Then, when I arrived home I got to clean out the fruit rotter. Ugh. Green oranges.

Also, I wonder how much foliage an onion can have before making it unsafe to eat.

Just askin'.

How did your performance review go?

OK, sorry for the gazillion comments. I have to take that last one back. Seeing as how you want Victor to live, it seems a little crass of me to be asking if it is safe to eat his twin.

:)

If I ever come into the knowledge that I'm adopted, I'm going to come find you and claim you as my true sister.

We just reviewed the refrigerator and tossed what used to be - I think - a squash, and something that I am pretty sure was cilantro - unless we just threw a bag of muck into the crisper after the last heavy rain. And our onions turned squishy before sprouting anything, but I do have a sweet potato attempting to become a tree on my countertop. Like you, I can't bring myself to discard it.

Oh, and about a month ago, delirious from exhaustion, I left the house already running late for call time at the theatre in sweatpants, flipflops, and a bra. No shirt. I actually got IN THE CAR and started it before I realized I was still half-naked.

Most people may laugh at your shenanigans....I merely nod my head in quiet solidarity and understanding. (Okay, I laugh too.)

Okay, one thing I can never figure out -- my fridge has two crisper drawers -- one for low humidty storage, one for high humidity storage. Please please please, somebody tell me what is supposed to go in which drawer. Even with my mad google skillz I can't figure out where the gala apples should go.

plant him! plant the onion in dirt, up to the top of the bulb-bit so the green is still outsifde the dirt. add water.

I wish we worked together. I could deal with your kind of crazy, and there would be one more person saying situationally inappropriate things around and it wouldn't just be me they look at that way anymore. plus, I would gift you my personal size coffeemaker I used to keep at my desk before the gods took my caffiene away.

If you really want to keep Victor then you should give him dirt and let him get roots. But then you have to eat his babies ... unless you want an onion family!

I think that the way that co-worker keeps coming back to talk to you - as opposed to curling up in a ball, whimpering & rocking at the thought of the next potential TMI sharing - indicates a certain level of interest. Is he single? attractive? Inquiring minds ...

For your onion:

-You can plant it, just under the soil so the top of the onion is level with your dirt. It will grow, and make flowers (not impressive) and seeds. I did this last year with just such a fellow. He liked the garden, and I liked talking to him every time I was in the front yard. (Except when neighbors were nearby.)

-You might be able to keep it growing like a flower bulb--rest it (without the toothpicks) on top of a jar filled with water. Make sure the roots are touching the water, in the beginning. Put it in a windowsill and see if it lives.

You might like the "Fun with Produce" website:

http://www.bachmans.com/tipsheets/edibles/FunWithPlantsFromProduce.cfm

Who knew you could grow a pineapple, or ginger, in your own house?

Aside: I have a purple potato growing in a bell jar on my kitchen windowsill. I let it sit too long and it's eyes became buds, and then... Leaves. Yes, it sat a long, long time. So I did what my granny used to do--poke 4 toothpicks in, midway down the tuber (leaves to the top), so there's one sticking out on each "side". Then I balance it over a bell jar filled with water. Give it a few weeks and, voila, you have a potato plant. It looks like an alien because it's purple and gangly, and trying to take over my sink, but a loveable alien.

See, that's why in these parts, the crisper drawer is known as the "beer drawer". Beers don't go bad, they're already liquid, and they don't make a mess (unless you threw them in there). Plus, when your crisper is solid white, it's handy for hiding said beer from nosy parents who might disapprove.

Hey, is Co-Worker over 21? :)

Hang in there, hon, I think we're all going through some sleep depravation lately. Heck, they were lucky I even showed up at work today (even if it was only long enough to complain about even being there).

I think the people who make refrigerators are in cahoots with the grocery store.

As far as I can figure out, the sole purpose of the crisper drawers to make you forget what you put in them.

I should add that if you can find wheatgrass seeds, or "wheat buds" at your local grocery, you can plant them in a pot, add water, and have the kitty version of COOKIE DOUGH in a few days. My cats adore the stuff.

Cucumbers, peppers, salad greens, tomatoes... anything that doesn't shrivel (like your limes) will eventually liquify. I'm not sure there is a vegetable I haven't liquified in my fridge, at this point.

Not to hijack, but Wendy, here's a chart about humidity requirements for fruits and vegetables.
http://muextension.missouri.edu/explore/miscpubs/mp0562.htm

Wendy -- high humidity crisper is what you want to use. See: http://www.usapple.org/consumers/storage.cfm

I had a butternut squash in my crisper that is now flat and moldy. Its to the point that I'm afraid to open the drawer to clean it out. Does anyone know where I can get a hazmat suit?

I regularly grow Victory potatoes - buy 'em and leave them under the counter for wayyyy too long.

I (or my co-workers) are lucky I am wearing pants today too. My 20 year old daughter caming down with a raging, whining, really high feverish-ness case of mono this weekend so I've had very little sleep what with the thermometer checking and the popsicle getting (her throat hurts)and the general waiting on the princess.

I almost didn't wear pants today. The tie came out of the ones I was planning on wearing and I couldn't get it threaded back in. And they are the ONLY clean pair I have since someone has left their moldy laundry in the machines for the last week. And it's not like I'm gonna shave my legs to wear a skirt or anything...

I agree with marni, jess and dez, let's see if Victor will flower?!?!?

I think I'm with psychomom on this one. Cook him up and eat him, scallion sprouts and all; it will be kind of like a sacrament. He will become part of you, see, in an oniony version of reincarnation. You will have kept your vow of not throwing him in the trash, and you will also have dedicated him to an onion's highest purpose: yummy food-ness. He will live forever, in some sort of a karmic sense (or maybe just a gastric sense, depending on how your digestion handles onions).

And yes, of course I knew you can liquefy cucumbers (and other things, even... onions) in the crisper. Isn't that what the crisper is for?

Keep up the good work with the pants. Or at least - keep up the pants.

Wendy, I think the low humidity drawer is for fruit and the high humidity drawer is for veggies. Unless it's the other way around. Sorry! I thought it made sense to me until I started thinking too much.

Laurie, I love your conversations with your co-workers. Those are the best kind to brighten up a work day, heehee! And please remember your britches before wandering outdoors, ya hear? You might could wear your bra on your head but always, always remember your britches!

Your work hours are sounding worse than mine lately. I am sorry it is so crazy. Is it going to slow down at all soon? Keep up the pant-wearing, and you should be golden.

My mom is coming to stay with me this weekend, and I have not had time to clean, and it is going to be bad. But still fun!

I did know that cucumbers can liquefy in the crisper! In fact, collard greens liquefy as well as, if not better than, cucumbers. I have also learned that bell peppers mold from the inside out, so you actually have to cut into a bell pepper to see whether it is moldy! (Unless it's really far gone. Eventually the mold does move to the outside.)

((((hugs)))) for you, and good luck with Victor!

plant it in a pretty pot, and stick it in a nice sunny place, and the cats will eat it. guaranteed.

About the dirt: if you're using a pot, it's better to buy potting soil from the store instead of just using dirt dug up in your garden, because garden dirt is a lot denser and has earthworms and other fauna. Potting soil is much easier for plants to grow roots in.
If you're planting it in your garden, dig up the dirt a bunch around it so that it's not so compact. Put him somewhere he'll get sunshine most of the day. And keep Francisco away.

Sorry I can't help. We'd let the onion live, too. Victor is a fine name! Oh, and can there ever be TMI?

What I want to know is what kind of place you work at that is working you to an almost-without-pants state! Hope it settles down soon. Good luck with Victor!

Yeah, the onion is cool, but I'm mostly impressed that you use the REAL oatmeal in the can (on top of microwave). Do you actually wait the fifteen minutes in the morning to cook it rather than use the awful instant oatmeal? Now that is a true Victory!

I've never had a victory onion before, but I have had potatoes way past the growing stage. Did you know that potatoes will actually rot in the cupboard at some point? Rotting potato was the worst thing I've ever smelled. Worse than cleaning out a month old turned off freezer - it's that bad.

I have gotten tricked by the inside out molding peppers too, it kind of freaked me out the first time... now? Not so much, I have come to expect it.

Laurie, make sure the dirt is organic.
;^D

Please continue to wear pants! There are enough celebrities in LA who would be wise to follow suit.

Nothing wrong with a little science experiment in the kitchen...for several weeks I allowed a very small spider and its web to remain in my cupboard, every day I'd check on him, or her, and then one day the spider was gone, no harm done. Your co-workers sound a bit dry, you probably add a much needed breath of fresh air to their existence!

How do your parents like the cats? Or, more important, how do the cats like them?

OMG! I am not alone. The world is a better place than I had thought. I can go on. Just dumped walnut-like lime and various other metamorphosed critters from my rotter. Who needs a juicer when a rotter will do the trick?

hehehe...liquid veggies....I think there are some in my fridge now. I get those a lot.

I had a coworker some years ago who was scheduled to give a statement to the media. She went to see the ED beforehand, to discuss her statement. There were several other people in the office, having an impromptu meeting. In the midst of giving her spiel, the ED said to her, "Your pants are on inside out." Without missing a beat, the coworker took them off, turned them right side out & put them back on (fortunately, only women in the room, but somehow I don't think men would have deterred her). This happened a few years before I worked there; the story gets retold a lot. (FYI, she is one fabulous woman!)

"Crisper"? Uh, no. Took me years to discover that whatever I put in the "crisper" ends up mushy. Why it's called the "crisper" is anybody's guess. I use it to store my candles.

Go, Victor! Go, Laurie! Go Roy!

Now go put on some pants.

Don't onions just grow from little onion looking bulbs? Stick that puppy in some dirt and see what happens. If you wanna go "full on" redneck, put the dirt in a coffee can then stick in the onion. Coffee can = redneck flower pot.

I've just recently found your blog and well, I love it. Congratulations on growing an onion!! (Does that sound as weird as I think it does?)

What's with the peppers within peppers? Can you actually eat those little parasitic conjoined twins?

Yeah for the onion!

I've been working so much I haven't been to the grocery store in 3 weeks, but since I have a husband and son at home that means there's nothing left in the house to eat! No time for things to rot in my house with a teenage boy there!

Whatever you do, don't let Fernando near it! :o) Congrats on your little onion.

Hmmm, too much information vs. not enough pants. Or even no pants at all.

I think, given the options, that it's better to offer too much information.

Heh. There were 69 comments when I read your post. Or is that too much information?

I planted ginger and ended up growing something that looks suspiciously like a dandelion. According to the internets, though, it is definitely not a dandelion. Nor is it ginger. We know what it's not, but, to date, the internets are silent as to what the mystery plant IS.

"Crisper" is totally misnamed.

I too have a plant named Victor. It is an African Violet. And it is still thriving, amazingly, even though I had it at work and never watered it. I finally took it home and my husband now waters it so it is alive.

Totally identify with the liquefied cucumber. And anything else in the refrigerator. I recently found cheddar cheese that was so moldy it had to be thrown out. Cheese lasts forever so you can imagine how old this was.

Made it to work one day in my house clogs instead of my work shoes. Good thing they were both navy blue, so they matched my outfit!

You could feed the liquid veggies to Victor by mixing them in with the dirt you give him. He'd like that.

Growing green tops doesn't make onions unsafe to eat... in fact, you can eat the tops too. (I'm pretty sure.)

One more person telling you to plant it in some dirt. Don't use coffee grounds, they'll just make a mess. Use some of the dirt(soil) you got for planting your square watermelons, that'll work fine. Give Victor full sun and lots of water and you'll get lots of leaves just like the ones you have, and a tall pretty flower about 2-3 inches around, a globe of tiny purple flowers. Very cute. They'll turn into seeds for you to plant next year for more onions, or if you're me, to forget about completely. What can I say, I'm a horticulturalist, and me remembering to take care of plants at home is like asking a masseuse to give a back rub every night when she gets home, ya know? And hey, if you have anymore gardening/square watermelon/how to create a new victor questions, feel free to shoot me an email, that's what I do for a living, and you're way more entertaining than the people I usually deal with!

I only clean my fridge out when the stuff in it moves away from the light when I open the door.

Around my house we joke we should put chocolate in the crisper drawer, that way we would forget we had it. Like we do with the fruits/veggies.
When we replaced our old fridge we decided to be sure to get CLEAR drawers so we wouldn't forget the produce. Ha, we still had liquid cukes and moldy oranges.

Liquid cucumber? I discovered a very sticky, liquid steak in the frig the other evening. The smell was such that I immediately ran it out to the dumpster in front of my building IN MY PAJAMAS. Not the good ones. The tattered ones with the holes in the...

If you cut an onion that has sprouted, and just so happen to have a microscope and slides handy, you can compare mature onion cells (from the inside of the onion--peel away the membrane between rings) with immature cells (get them from the shoot--not the greens). I used to intentionally buy and hide onions about three weeks before my cell unit for just this purpose--they would sprout, kids would be awestruck (seriously!) and I would have a great introduction to cells.
And once they've sprouted, they're not as tasty. So grow Victor, do not devour him.

Please do not let the cats eat Victor! Onions are bad for cats.
(See, e.g., www.peteducation.com.)

I have been told that some of the plants sold as "wheatgrass" are also not good for cats, though I have only been told this on the Internet so it's not exactly reliable info. I give mine the stuff from the pet store that is intended as pet grass -- one cat is indifferent, but the other one whines when I take it away from her.

All I can say is, a growing Victor is better than a rotting Victor. Onions that had gone bad in the back of my pantry: one of the worst smells *ever*.

I hide candy in the veggie crisper because I know my boys will never look there.

I just discarded on liquified zucchini, one rotten head of lettuce and a shrunken ginger root from my crisper. All that has survived are the carrots.

The onion will do great if you plant it root side down with the green shoots sticking out. You can also do the same with garlic after breaking apart the cloves. The green shoot comes out of the pointy end of the garlic clove. Happy experimenting. You could abandon the square watermelon experiment for a "growing vegetables from my countertop" one!

I think Victor is doing fine on his own. Anything that sprouts by itself should be left to it's own devices.
Only 2 more days of needing to wear pants to work (this week!)

Victor looks very charming. And if your infinitely patient coworker has a brother, I want to marry him.

We had an onion that did that. We were so impressed with its courage to live, even though it were abandon'd. We planted it in an empty pot (guess why it was empty). It lived about a year, and then died. That might have been natural. Maybe we should've picked it an eaten it. But I think we eventually threw it out.

I did show up for a class with my shirt on backwards once. And I realized it after I got up in front of the class and gave a speech. I think the teacher gave me an A out of pity.

And while I was up to my eyeballs in my Master's thesis and brother's wedding and work, I showed up at work with two different color shoes. Now in all fairness, they were both clogs, but one was black and one was blue. Bright girl that I am, rather than just tuck my feet under my desk I loudly exclaimed, "Hey! I'm wearing two different color shoes!"

Hmmm... can you do the same thing with potatoes when they start growing roots while on the countertop waiting to be cooked?

I had a "miracle of life" moment in my old New York City apartment ... one day I went into the bathroom (which had a window) and noted a big green sprout growing OUT OF THE DRAIN OF MY SINK. I could only assume I had had a seed of some sort in my teeth from a meal, and then when I brushed my teeth this seed got lodged in the drain with just enough sunlight hitting it to sprout. I was almost overcome with wonder for its tenacity. I couldn't bring myself to pull it out of my sink for a few days.

Now I live in Oregon and have an actual garden, but it doesn't seem so miraculous when things grow where they're actually supposed to. Still, go life force!

Whatever you do with Victor, I agree with whoever it was above who said don't let Fernando get hold of him! Keep him inside. But if you did decide to eat him - which after naming him, seems a tad cold unless you're a *real* fan of 'Stranger In A Strange Land' and have a burning desire to truly grok him - yeah, the green sprout is just fine to eat, too. (Otherwise I'd have died long ago.) Makes a great substitute for green onions in a stirfry or similar.

And the crisper is for vegetables????? I always thought it was some crazy extra fridge insulation space... I mean, if you were supposed to use it, they'd make the damned drawer a helluva lot easier to pull out, wouldn't they?

I want to be helpful on the onion front, but all I'd do is stick it in a pot of dirt and maybe pray.

However, my youngest nephew's name is Victor, so I'm kinda attached to your onion. Also, his maternal grandmother (no relation to me) once declared that nobody is named Victor anymore and, "...all the best people used to be named Victor."

All the best onions, too.

I know all about the clothing on the bottom half thing. I once made it most of the way to the bus stop before it occured to me that I was wearing only a half slip on my bottom half. Thankfully it was cool weather and I was wearing a trench coat. Doubly thankfully I was actually early for once so the time spent racing home and tossing on a skirt didn't make me any later than usual.

Regarding Victor, I also vote that you plant him. Onions do like coffee grounds, but I'm not sure planting him in pure coffee grounds is a good idea. Other than that, go crazy with the suggestions your other readers have given. We expect pictures of the flower.

I love this group of people! After reading the comments I want to go home and plant a pineapple crown and figure out the refrigerator/humidity issue.

i noticed a weird smell coming from... somewhere in the house... "did you wear deodorant today?" I asked the man-cub. after a week of "YES, ALREADY. GEEZ," i finally found (wait for it...) LIQUIFIED GARLIC, in a very unhappily ballooned plastic baggy. we could make anti-vampire liqui-pickles.

My mother grows her own pineapples using the old crowns. It takes a while, but it is possible. Do you have space in your yard for your onion? Maybe you could just plant it in the ground.

i just found a *very* old banana in my desk, perfectly dessicated and quite black.

i wondered what that smell was.

:)

I do so identify... being sleep-deprived from stress, and bummed from a car wreck and attempting drunkenness to compensate... it makes a wierd state! Good luck to us both... I don't know whether to try harder with the wine or sober up...

If anyone needs em, the fire station down the street from my house is the county's hazmat unit. You know. Just in case.

I just planted my beautiful, sprouting onion, too! We should start an Internet group for planting our sprouting produce: Grow-n-Ho!

Laurie, I had that happen here in CT in Jan. (a miracle--it's never like spring here in Jan.)
http://sputnik1.blogspot.com/2007/01/anybody-have-calendar.html
I kept it and will plant it when the ground thaws enough. Also, we found a potato like that at the end of last summer and my son put it in a pot. It grew a whole bunch of tiny babies and we brought them in to overwinter. They are sprouting now and will go out when the soil is warm. In the winter it is wonderful to look at the little green shoots and nurture them.

Plants... Cats... Weird Science... TMI: A few months ago my cats came down with a dread disease in which they all acted like they felt fine but SOMETHING was making the cat box smell not only dreadful but weird. After a couple of days of detective work and weird-catbox-smell, I realized I had a pineapple top I was trying to root in a dish of water. The cats were (of course!) lapping up the pineapple-water-moonshine liquid and either some pineapple enzyme or the pineapple-moonshine component was giving them stinky pee. I'm just saying, if you're going to try the pineapple thing, be forewarned.

Wait - this is reminding Bossy of that movie with Tom Hanks when he gets shipwrecked and befriends a soccer ball named Wilson. Whatever you do, do not attempt a hodgepodge raft escape with Victor.

I have three Victory Onions on my countertop. I found them in the back of the pantry like a month and a half ago, and put them in a bowl by the window; they're still growing strong even without dirt or water or anything. I'm sure they'll do better once I get around to planting them; I'm just saying you don't need to be in any hurry. ;)

Teh katz at i can has cheezburger haze sompthik to saie.

oopses, href tag no, yes?
http://www.icanhascheezburger.com/2007/03/12/pants-plz/#comments"

HAHAHAHAHA...thanks for the giggles and guffaws...priceless...

"is that too much information."...hahahaha.

I must go back and re-read the Horror-scope for this month. Because I have a feeling there was something totally f'ed up going on for Cancer. Sure there has been some good -- outside of work. But work? It is sucking my life force right out of me.

Good luck with Victor. Right now? Right now I'm going to curl up into a ball and cry while sipping red wine.

That is so funny because I just noticed last night that I had an onion in my pantry that did the same thing. I thought it looked so pretty that I left it in there and it's a little surprise every time I open the door.

I grew a sprouted onion when I was a kid, I balanced it in a hyacinth vase and let its roots touch the water, but I had to make a cardboard collar for it as the bulb shrinks as the top grows. It got very tall and had one flower spike of tiny purple flowers in a globe, very pretty, but very stinky flowers. And I got mocked by the class bully for growing it, but I was proud of my efforts.

Yep, I have a rotter too. It's gotten so bad that I don't even bother to put anything from the produce section in that thing because if I even open the rotter I am faced with the black sticky goo that I have to clean out first. Yuck! I just set any fresh produce I buy on the top shelf of my fridge next to the milk and then if I don't remember to eat it I at least remember to throw it out before it becomes a science experiment.

I too have a bag of "walnuts" scattered on the top shelf of my fridge, leftover from...New Years. I've stopped putting vegetables in the drawers, those are mostly for hiding the liquor from the in-laws.

The coffee grounds are only for rooting, not for permanent planting.

Pants, Schmantz. Go commando!

(can ANYONE tell me why it's called commando? EVERYone knows what you mean when you say it but NOBODY seems to know the derivation!)

How d'you know it's not a girl?

I'm just amazed that a woman as tired and stressed as you are still manages to correctly spell "liquefy."

You are amazing.

Nice onion.

From you, Laurie it's NEVER too much information!!

I actually forgot my trousers once. I am not kidding. I was so rushed I walked straight out the front door in nothing but a flowy tunic type top and my knickers. I felt a breeze. I looked down. I ran back inside and refused to come out until anyone and everyone who could possibly had seen me had either gone away, died, or moved house.

This is what happens when you get less than the full complement of sleep and you have to get up before the sun does in my world. Sounds like my world and your world aren't entirely dissimilar.

I like your blog. A lot. I read it every day. And I never comment. So...hi! *waves* And also, word to the Left Coast.

...the commando thing, I'm not 100% sure this is where it came from, but an older gentleman told me once that it's a war thing...that in one of the jungle battlegrounds (Korea, Vietnam, I truly can't remember) the special ops guys started going, well, commando so they could tell who was who in the forest without speaking so they didn't kill their own guys. If somebody had on underwear it was the enemy.
Also, I'm growing a "Victor" too. Yours looks more healthy than mine though...but hopefully it'll get greener as I've put it in the sun now!

Oh for the love of god.. have another drink (or seven) and throw the freakin' onion away ::laughing::

And don't feel bad.. twice in the past couple weeks I've found myself out in public before I noticed I was wearing my house slippers instead of shoes!!

If you have a yard, plant the onion in a sunny spot in good rich soil. Eventually that sprout will grow taller and a flower shoot will grow up from the center. Onion blossoms look like really really big chive blossome and the little florets are edible (oniony tasting). I knew a farmer that let onions go to seed in her wild-ish veggie garden and the results were these stunning 5 foot tall flowering plants here and there in the garden that she could add to salads etc.

Unplucked eyebrows??? It's times like these when one must take a day off work for a "mental health day". Your onion needs you.

Hey Laurie,

Don't apologize to us! This is YOUR blog, for your Living out Loud life style!

Take care!

Sherri W.
Sw Minnesota

In response to Carrie's post (girl who walked out of the house in her bra), I was watching a TV airing of the movie "Selena" about the Latino pop star who was murdered in the 90s - and apparently if you're an 80s Latino pop star you can wear your bra onstage before an outdoor audience of about 2000 people. I mean for real - we're not talking a flashy glittery show top - I mean like a white-lacy-bought-it-at-Macy's-50%-off bra.

Take heart, Carries of the world. The bra top will make a comeback. Especially with the record heat of this winter.

Oh my holy heck. You know, one of my favorite things about your writings is that you are able to so beautifully put into words things that many of the rest of us (actually I only speak for myself) think that we are alone in feeling/thinking/doing. I honestly have just been scaring myself lately with the things I seem to be forgetting. Clothing or otherwise. Pants have not been a problem up to this point, but I have gotten all the way to work wearing two different shoes of which neither one matched my outfit. I won't even go into the underwear situation.

Maybe I just need to recover from Daylight Savings Time.

a some lurker and long-time admirerer of your blog. i've been 'growing' garlic, onion, and potato plants in my cupboards for years now, but never thought they'd bloom. thx to you and your commenters - look at what will become of victor:

http://images.exoticindiaart.com/wildlife/botanical_flower__onion_ac27.jpg

a true victor/victory type of caterpillar/butterfly story!

Put Victor with his hairy end in a cup of moist soil - mix in some used coffee grounds for fertilizer. Give him light and keep the soil slightly damp.

Also, there is nothing unusual about liquefied vegetables. I think that may be the actual function of the crisper drawer in my fridge. ;)

A few years ago, my uncle passed away and I decided to do something nice for my aunt. So I made a huge pot of spaghetti and a bowl of salad along with some garlic breadsticks. I stopped by my mom's house to pick up something and left my car door open. When I got back into the car, I found one of her feral cats eating out of the breadstick container. Not wanting to get rid of them all, I just threw out the top layer or so. Weeks go by. My husband comments everytime he gets into my car how it smells "garlic-y". I assure him that the smell will go away. Now fast forward to four months later and I'm trading my car in for a newer model. As I'm cleaning out the garbage, I stumble across a lone breakstick under the passenger side seat. Other than being a litte crunchier than usual, it hadn't changed much. At least I found the source of the stench. And at least it wasn't a cucumber...

"Eeking out"? As the spell-check lady it is my duty to inform you that you just lost the spelling be. Never mind....I just got fired.

Jessica: Grow-n-Ho! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!!

Laurie, I heart your commenters. :)

Laurie, Why don't you take some time off while your parents are here?

Is Coworker married? Is he eligible at all? Because if he didn't run away scared from the "coffee or sex" comment, there could be something there, right? Well, until he said he was THANKFUL that you had pants on. . .

I, too, have a rotter. I specialize in rotting green onions, but I also dabble in lettuce and tomatoes and the occasional zucchini. For some reason, carrots last FOREVER before they start looking iffy--what is that about?

Anyway--too funny! Thanks for the giggle on a day when I am otherwise miserable (slammed-busy at work, and coming down with a head-clogging cold. this is my life!).

Suitably groveling petition to Sobakowa, Mistress of the Universe, from your loyal minions: Please mention Daylight Savings Time as a form of Opression in your Manifesto. Tuna offerings to follow.

OF COURSE cucumbers can liquify! Spinach and bell peppers, too. It's always such a race to see if I can find a way to feed veggies to myself and my family before they begin their science experiments....

I want to join Grow-n-Ho!! AAAAAHHHA HA HA HA HA!! Love it!

So, if you've grown an onion and forgotten the kitchen and, uh, your pants (almost). When was the last time you saw the kitties? I'm just sayin, they might need some attention... and by attention, I mean food.

you never, NEVER fail to crack me up! And if you think Victor is fantastic, I suggest getting him a Potato friend--in the right kitchen, the potato will take on fantastic cactus-like form! Not that I'd know....not that I'd try to pluck stabby foot long eyes off and still try to cook the thing....noooooooo....

(quoting Erin:

...the commando thing, I'm not 100% sure this is where it came from, but an older gentleman told me once that it's a war thing...that in one of the jungle battlegrounds (Korea, Vietnam, I truly can't remember) the special ops guys started going, well, commando so they could tell who was who in the forest without speaking so they didn't kill their own guys. If somebody had on underwear it was the enemy. )

Were the SOs just in no *knickers* or in no TROUSERS? Cuz, crawling on your belly through the jungle .... I'm just saying!

Or if they DID have trousers on... would it have been a case of 'anyone with a panty-line gets shot' ?

Mind in over-drive! Mental images! Aaargh! And the one-liners! (none of which I feel entitled to sully CAP's blog-comments with, even in the face of the 'sex or coffee' comment;) )

Well you know ... I went and looked it up!

Dontcha just LOOOOOVE Wikipedia! References for EVERYTHING!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Commando

(scroll down to the end, under Trivia).

There. I have learned something, and it isn't even 8am yet.

You should keep a spare pair of pants in your office, just in case.

Victor the onion - love it!

I'm one of those Montrealers that kisses on both cheeks, but now live in Toronto and my cultural exchange of greeting has not been met with enthusiasm a few times now. Ain't culture a bitch. However...

I'd love to know the stories of how each of the cats came to live with you. Did they all move in at once, did they know each other before, etc. How do they get along.

Love all your news, Laurie. You are a very neat person.

"*Make sure it's organic dirt, that is to say dirt that is mostly poop."

But not CAT poop. That would kill it for sure. Use only poop of the equine/bovine variety.

OMG—Emily—"where good food goes to die!" I say that too!!! My fridge is lovingly nicknamed the Food Mortuary. And yes, my crisper also serves as a liquefier. It's scary what will liquefy.

I'll need more information before I can determine if there has been too much. ;-)

Thanks Xeres, for the "going commando" explanation referral! I always wondered myself but never thought that it would be featured in wikipedia. Gotta love wikipedia! ;)

I always thought I was pretty good about my crisper, well, not necessarily in eating all the veggies that were in there but at least throwing them out before they got too bad. However, in opting for the convenience of frozen and canned veggies in recent months, but sometimes going ahead and buying the fresh purely out of guilt, lately I've had a tendency to forget what's in the crisper and for how long it's been in there. So yes, I have happened upon the liquified remains of "fresh" vegetables a time or two. Blech.

Go Victor Go! :-)

you crack me up!! gave me a good kick start for the day =)

I have to weigh in on the "Eat Victor" side. He'll appreciate all you honoring his efforts. Make some creamy leek soup and use him, greeny sprouty parts and all.

As for liquid vegetable bin occupants - I am so there. Regularly. It's sad, because I really do worship vegetables and it's such a sad end for them.

As for appropriate clothing wearing, hubby and I went to a museum last week. I point that out because people in museums tend towards the urbane type of people, yes? That dress correctly and use words like "use of space" and "composition". So, we went and we were wandering around when I realized my husband had his shirt on backwards. This isn't that unusual, I mean, it's been known to happen before, except not with a shirt with a collar and buttons, which were now running down his back! I wasn't sure whether to tell him or pretend I didn't know him. I opted for telling him and he looked down, shrugged, and kept wandering. I really did have to insist. I mean, it's one thing for me to go out in public wearing a butterfly tiara, but this was just too much.

Dear Miss Laurie,

I have a little... uh.... tradition... yeah... that I thought you might find interesting.

Every morning on the walk from my car to the office, I reach down and rub my leg. Then I make little skritches at it with my fingernails. And then I reach up and tug at the hem of my shirt. Then I make little skritches at it with my fingernails.

Why?

To make sure I'm wearing them!

Now... Mind you... Work is usually my second and sometimes my third stop. However, I'm never really concerned about whether or not I'm running around in my skivvies until I actually reach work!

Oops?

Victor is a cutie :)

ooooh! Plant Victor in a pot with plenty of space, onions get huge and send up big dr. Seuss type flowers!

You obviously have a liquifier, not a crisper.

I've seen it happen before. I was also sold this defective brand of refrigerator.

In my house we call the crisper "the rotter."

Hey, free scallions!

And I think the co-worker is starting to like you, a lot, maybe. Mentioning about the pants? Definitely thinkin' about it, I say.