Hemming and hawing, hehehe. That is southern isn't it? Don't think you have to worry about a thank you for the thank you for the welcome, just be glad you have sweet new neighbors!

But does the lily mean anything (like "a thousand pox on you for not kissing my bird!" or something like that?).
It sounds like you have some sweet new neighbors who will make life easy (I've had the other kind, you don't want them). Congratulations!

Don't fall into the cycle of thanks! You'll never recover.

Good choice on not kissing the bird. My SIL's parrot had her beak veeeeryyy close to my eye. I was extremely nervous because, hello????, beak, eyeball. Well, apparently parrots can sense the nervousness. Much like a winged Doberman it bit me on the face. And held on. Until I raised my hand to defend myself, and then it latched onto my finger. That was two months ago and I still have a scar. Winged vermin.

A thank you for a thank you?? This sounds like a job for one Miss Emily Post!!!

How ironic--the nice Korean neighbors reciprocated with the LILY OF DEATH.....

Being a hermit is so much easier, isn't it? Seriously... I was the new neighbor about three years ago and wish there had been someone nice like you to bring me fruit. What I got was a rhubarb pie from the mayor's wife (actually her husband was the village president but everyone called him the mayor... it's a very small village... uh... whatever)... as I was saying, we got this rhubarb pie that gave me a nice case of food poisoning. It sorta set the tone of my life in this whacked out little village. hehe

Way easier to live in an apartment and ignore everyone, but I think you are right in stopping the cycle of thank yous. Seriously, dying of laughter here, though. And as far as birds go? The bites hurt like hell, especially if they get your face or ear... I know.

HI LAURIE!!! :o) I'm so excited to be able to give you such applicable advice!
I am Korean-American and I just wanted to let you know that a welcome basket of fruit was a very good choice! Koreans always appreciate fruit/food/edibles! ALWAYS! and it is definitely just an Asian (or Korean) thing where if they receive a gift, they give a gift back. especially if they just met the person, they want to say thanks for the gesture.
I hope this helps!
OH! and don't let the bird kiss you. you don't want to lose an eyeball! :o)
you're the best! have a great day! elaine.

Growing up my husband had a small terrier who loved to eat EVERYTHING. One night they let him out into the backyard to 'go' and when the dog came back, my husband's mom realized that all the dog's poop was GLOWING. Little glowing piles of poop were all over the backyard.

Much freaking out ensued and the dog was rushed to the vet.

Turns out my husband had been feeding him glow in the dark crayons. :)

I love your blog. I too have an obsessive love of my cat and all things yarny.

ah, and Pam's comment about "lily of death"?
definitely not!!
so don't eat it.
and don't eat your hand.
and don't let SOBAKAWA give the lily the eye of death. it will surely die! :o)heehee!

Laurie, were you afraid Julie would give you the Evian Flu? sounds like the nice new neighbors might not make for a lot of funniness. (Sorry we're not hearing any more stories about your former neighbors, the Crackhead Bobs.) But something tells me we're going to start hearing nutty bird stories soon.

Knit her something.

Yes, eating the lily could be fatal. And Liz R. is right -- definitely a job for Emily Post. If you do not have a copy, you absolutely must get one. No, I don't have one but my mother swore by that thing when I was growing up.

"Oh! I don't kiss birds!... because I have cats?" - Funniest line ever!

I'm afraid I would have said "I don't kiss birds!...BIRD FLU!!!" and then yes, I would have been given a lovely Lily Of Death.

Maybe the thank you for the thank you is generational? I had older neighbors and took them some fresh-baked bread (my freezer was too full and it was their turn) and the wife insisted on making up a plate of cookies for me. Store cookies. "...because I have cats?" Quick thinking!

No thank you necessary for the welcome gift. You worry too much! It was a lovely gesture and I'm sure they appreciated it.

>>Which was sweet ... except am I supposed to give them something as a thank you for the thank you to my basket?

Yes Laurie. It's a vicious, never ending, spiraling into death vortex. But on the bright side, when the gifts reach the “brick” stage then you will be done.

Or until one of you drives the other insane and move out.

>>Which was sweet ... except am I supposed to give them something as a thank you for the thank you to my basket?

Yes Laurie. It's a vicious, never ending, spiraling into death vortex. But on the bright side, when the gifts reach the “brick” stage then you will be done.

Or until one of you drives the other insane and makes them move out.

Gotta love southern tradition it never quits.
You can take the women out of the country, but you cant take the manners out of southern women.

GOOD LORD, Laurie!!!!! Sometimes you really creep me out when you write out all the anxieties and neurosis that run thru MY brain all the time. LOL!!!
I'm glad you have good neighbors finally!!
-Dawn

I think southern Italians might have something to contribute to the superstition category. I'm a girl who sprinkles salt around her house once a month (that doesn't count as "spilling," btw) to ward off malocchio, the Evil Eye...and I also exchange things with my neighbor on a nearly daily basis (3 years going). Stop the whole thing now. Seriously.

You did good, Laurie. That was very neighborly of you! And good to know from kelpkim's post that it's a Korean cultural gesture to return thanks with another gift!

I think you're fine. But the next step is to invite them over for dinner. Maybe you guys could do Korean bbq in the backyard, and won't that be wonderful!?!

I agree with Kelpkim - The giving of gift as a thank you for the initial gift is a complicated Asian traiditon, it seems to be true in all Asian cultures (I'm Japanese, btw). Giving a fruit basket is totally appropriate - bringing fruit/flowers is a very polite cultural-norm activity for us.

In fact, traditional Asians? we're a lot like the Southerners - we like to share food, we feel indebted and connected to our neighbors/family at some weird deep level, and we have superstitions like you won't believe. Try cutting your nails at my house at night. My mother will force you to stop. Cutting nails at night = will not be able to be by dying parent's bedside in the future. I kid you not. No, I don't know how that works. It's just true. You'll also turn into a cow if you lay down (on a couch, in bed, whatever) right after you eat.

I'm making the no-brim hat with Noro Kureyon! It's so cute and I can watch CSI reruns without messing up the stiches, it's fabulous! I'm going to make the magic scarf with the matching skein next!

The Fruit of Death, eh? Where can I get me one of those? I know some neighbours ...

I'm disappointed they didn't investigate which plants would be "Plants of Death" in cat culture before they gave you the lilly.

I'm concerned about Mrs. Nice Korean Lady bringing Julie over to your door because of the whole cat/bird thing. Talk about instant bad neighbor status!

I think houseplants make terrible gifts. You shouldn't give someone a gift that requires care and attention. The rule in my house is when someone gives a houseplant, they get a turtle or a kitten in return. It's clearly posted on every invitation and stated most definitely when voicing a casual invite. Same goes for scented gifts. Candles, potpourri, and incense will be promptly discarded and the favor returned with a cinnamon oil infused pine cone. My no-gift policy is always preferred. Ask anyone who has been given a turtle and they'll tell you they wish they had brought fruit or nothing at all. :-)

Why is it we Southern women have such etiquette issues? Is it genetic? I think I could say "Emily Post" before I could say "Momma". I still have, and will NOT part with, my own 1965 hardbound edition of Emily Post's Etiquette: The Blue Book of Social Usage. Well worn, I might add. From one Southern female to another, you did very well with the fruit basket. Bravo!

As for the anti-hermiting, it's never easy. I'm an artist and I'm a hermit to the bone. Which is the second reason to cling to the Blue Book ... I may very well be a hermit, but I'm a Southern hermit and I do it with socially acceptable style!

Hey Laurie--

Living in a heavily Asian populated area where I'm one of the few white girls around (married to a Hispanic guy straight from the mother country, no less) on the East Coast, I can reiterate what the others have said, that the basket was perfect, and it's very common for Asian families to return the gesture in kind. In fact, I've even found that if you came with nothing, just with a visit, they make sure you don't leave empty handed sometimes! I still think that the lily was not meant to be a cat death thing, just giving you something that's pretty for a pretty nice person. ;-)

Yay no fruit of death & getting a thank you gift in return is a good thing - it is like rewarding you for doing someing good. (This line of thought is spiraling out of control...)

New neighbors that kiss birds? The crazies seem to seek you out but you always manage to handle them with class.

Don't Thank me, Thank you.

You don't have to give another gift. You thanked her personally (no need for a note). Their gift was a nice response, and it makes y'all equals in the gift department. You can be friendly when you see her in the yard, and don't worry about not kissing the bird, either!

My son and I do that. He'll say thank you, I'll say you're welcome, and then he thanks me for my you're welcome! Crazy! I'm like, no, we can stop now....

I think plums are the fruit of death. Then again, I hate them, so I could just be anti-plum.

I have a very good friend who is Korean-American and she's never given me a present when I've given her one. And we've both lived here in Atlanta for our entire lives so we (she) should know all about the crazy etiquette of Southern women. I guess I am now going to have to enlighten her and tell her she owes me a few gifts. :-)

Julie isn't a bird name...is it? I once met a dog named Julie, and that was weird enough. Can you name a bird Julie? Well. I wouldn't. But I'm Southern, and that's undoubtedly all that needs to be said about my eccentricities. :)

No matter how you slice it (or give it) you will like your neighbors from day one or you will never like them. Sad but true. Gifts have nothing to do with it. Resonance is the thang!

A Korean friend once told me signing your name in red ink was bad luck because it is associated with death. Now whenever I sign my name in red ink I think "Oh no, I'm going to die!" So hopefully you did not include a card in which you signed your name in red.

Hi Laurie,

I once had to organize a little hors d'oeuvresy thing for work for a small contingent from either Korea or China. I made the mistake of getting cheese and crackers. Have you ever noticed that there is absolutely no cheese in Asian cooking? Ooops. At least I went home with some nice blocks of cheese!

Glad you have nice new neighbors!

Laurie, you sound like a great neighbor and co-worker. I'd much rather get calls from co-workers on the weekend asking for cultural advice than asking for work help.

It's ok to STOP now, after the thank-you lily. Otherwise, it could just continue indefinately. And that would be awkward.

When I first moved into my (previous) home, the neighbors brought me a large bowl full of home-grown tomatoes. Then I made a trifle in their bowl and returned it to them, as a thank you. And then we stopped.

Being Chinese I can say this STOP NOW!!! My mom can turn one little gift into a lifetime of exchanges.

And - don't ever go out to dinner with them unless to you want the bill payment to become WWF.

Its one of those endearing traits - maybe its just my family...

Thanks for clearing up the fruit basket of death confusion for me. I would also give away something highly offensive, unknowingly.
You have performed a valuable service.
Now, where can I download my copy of the etiquette rules?

I would totally do all of that. My (limited) experience with Asian culture is that it is big on gifts, and also being on time. It takes a year or two for it to sink in, for example, that if you get an invitation for a party from 2:00-?, if you show up at precisely 2 you will be 1) the first one there 2) if your hostess is a no-time-like-the-last-minute ditz, interrupting last-minute preparations. Do not ask how I know this.

Your neighbors sound very sweet, though. Even the bird.

Speaking of cats with health issues, um... one of our cats has gone blind. Have you ever had such an experience?

That whole Thank You Cycle can be REALLY VICIOUS! I gave a small gift (a chocolate bar from France) and a Thank You note to a coworker who'd done something nice for me. Then she gave ME a Thank You note for the Thank You note. After I Thanked her verbally for the Thank You note I told her, 'This stops NOW!' No more Thank Yous!

PS: There's ANOTHER Frank! I'm so used to being the only one wherever I go...

Isn't it the truth about southern superstitions! Lord knows if my mama spots a black cat while we are driving she will MAKE me turn around and go the other way. At first it was solid black cats...now it's spreading to if they just have A SPOT OF BLACK ON THEM!!. I swear it's never dull.

Laurie, I hope you're talented at keeping houseplants. What happens if the lily dies?
Will the neighbor hold it against you forever? Think of a good excuse--the cats ate it, or the gardener never watered it.
I am a known plant-killer. My (now-ex) bf gave me a plant for my birthday. When it died, I was in a quandary as to fess up or replace it with a lookalike, which would, of course, eventually die.
Come to think of it, that plant was like our relationship. Doomed.
The fact that he gave me a plant just shows that he didn't know me very well at all.

Yes, you do want to stop the cycle of thank-you giving back and forth. But you could always send a short and sweet thank-you note.
And kiss a bird - yuck, I'd have to say no thanks to that too.

I'm glad that you have good neighbors! Don't forget though that if you see a trail of corn nuts from your door down the street that it could lead to Crackhead Bob and his Drunken Cousin's new place!! ;o)

Oh, I think you stop now. But glad you started on nice terms--that's really sweet. A friend of mine (who is Chinese, but a first-gen American) gave her mom some flowers with carnations mixed in. Last time she ever did that! Those are the Flowers of Death in the Chinese culture. Not sure about in Korea. Just accept gifts with both hands--I understand that to be very respectful.

If I had a band I would surely name it "The Fruit of Death".

You are an inspiration to all of us hermits out there!

Even with the weird (to me) bird-kissing thing, these neighbors sound like a nice edition to your hood!

i had mums in my little wedding centerpiece thingies ( because i got married at the end of october and i was all about keeping things seasonal) only to have my french mother tell me that mums are for funerals. so there's winning.

oh. i made oma's chocolate cake. yumm-eeee and everyone loved it. it was gone. in a flash. poof.

Stop. I lived in Japan for awhile, and its very easy to get yourself into a game of gift-giving tennis. Acknowledge the gift graciously, its all right to leave it at that. :)

Good neighbors are great.

My sweet neighbor once had a new fence put in and had our fence taken out - we did not know this bit of info when my daughter let the dogs out to do the thing they do outside.....Our 125 pound lab ran away.....daughter found him and carried him home..........I bitched to boyfriend and told BF to go talk to neighbor because if I go there will be blood. Nice neighbor offered to make us a batch of brownies WITH pot. I declined saying my minor children are not allowed to consume pot unless it is smoked in front of the proper authorities.................sometimes neighbors are strange, very strange. Now their house is for sale and I know my luck the new ones will be 100% worse.

For future reference, tangerines are very traditional for this time of year.

Being named Julie myself, I'm not sure I'd be able to sit in my backyard anymore having to listen to my neighbor talking to my bird namesake. I'd get a crick in my neck from turning my head everytime my name was said.

You were right to stop the potential thank-a-thon.

Southern Hospitality--Could it get any better. We do so want to please here in the lower states. It is bred into us and stays with us all our life and we send it on to the next generation of beautiful southern women

Jennifer,
Carnations really are flowers of death. They are what killed my - and how ironic is this - my childhood parakeet.

Here where I live (southeastern KY) it's considered bad luck to thank someone if they give you a plant (said to be a sure kiss of death for the plant)

You can take joy in knowing you are giving your cats a happy healthy life (SF Chronicle today)! I think this is because you knit and your cats love to play with your knitting. They don't specifically mention knitting in the article, but they do encourage you to play with your cats. Your many photos of cats laid out, helping you to block, knit or eat needles give justice to your really just wanting them to live the full life. http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2007/02/20/petscol.DTL

I used to work with a lot of immigrants and I discovered that older Asian ladies are quite possibly the nicest people on the planet. They were always giving us candy, food and advice (often unasked for, but still - they had good intentions. and made fantastic egg rolls!). I could never figure out their gift-giving rules though. A group of Vietnamese women once gave their male supervisor a pair of khaki shorts as a Christmas/holiday gift. It just seemed so odd to us Scandinavian-Minnesotan girls. We rarely gave anyone at work anything, and if we did it was usually chocolate.

I bet they will be great neighbors.

I don't know about Korean, but being 1st gen. Chinese American, I know that fruit is usually okay. I do love your consideration on finding out the etiquette. When I was growing up, my dad always told me that giving watches as a gift is bad because it like saying "it's time for you to die" or something obsurd like that. I've kept that in mind and only given watches to my American friends.

It's an Asian thing - if you receive a gift, you're expected to give one back of approximately the same value. I used to live in Korea, and was too young then to know I needed to think about this stuff much, but when I was studying Japanese a few years ago, I had a Japanese language exchange partner and we educated each other about cultural stuff.

The cycle must end with you! :)

Congrats on getting new neighbors from Korea and if they invite you to come eat at their house, GO, you are gonna love bulgogi. Yum, yum. My sister-in-law is from South Korea and I love it when they come to visit because she cooks it and then we go out and get it in restaurants. Spicey and hot and lots of garlic. I have to wait till the summer, you, maybe not so long. Good luck.

I understand the bird issues. I have bird issues, and it's not because I have cats (though I do). It's because birds have wings, and they fly, and things that fly in enclosed spaces (like houses) fly at low altitudes.

I have long hair, you see, and through personal childhood experience, I still live in fear of flying things getting caught in it - particularly the three Bs: bees, bats, and budgies. When my in-laws would let the budgies out of the cage to flap around a bit, I joined their (terrified) dog, hiding under the blanket. Bee or wasp in the house? Under the blanket until the buzzing stops. Yep, I'm a grown woman, can't you tell?

So for me it would have been an even stranger conversation: "I don't kiss birds... long hair, you see."

Oh, Lucia! I'm so sorry about your cat! I don't have any advice except to ask your vet or search online. That's what I would do if it were my kitty. :(

But I must know -- are these neighbors related to each other? ;)

Hi Laurie,
Not sure if you watch or like Curb Your Enthusiasm, but I am certain Larry David would have an answer to your question.

ROFL

"Fruit of death"

That is good stuff. Especially since I could see your train of thought, and I see no crazy in it, at all. I might have done the same exact thing.

Oh, and I would have also wondered, "Do I send a thank you, for the thank you they sent me?.

Love your blog. Nice post. Night gnomes TOTALLY exist. They can be repelled with bright lights and keeping your head under the blanket while you don't move.

Not the Fruit of Death, per se, but there is a superstition amongst older Chinese regarding pears. Never split a pear with a Mandarin speaker, age 60+. The term "fen li" - or divide pear, is a homophone for splitsville/divorce and is considered unlucky for couples/friends.

Next you invite them for dinner. And that opens up a whole new world of worry!

I feel your pain. I am so backwards in the social graces it ain't funny. Which may be why I work with dead people.

Uh, how about a note?

Short, easy and doesn't imply any further exchange of gifts.

I shouldn't worry about needing to give any more gifts. What you see as a single event (you give a welcome gift) is, for them, an exchange of gifts. You've satisfied both sets of etiquette so you can relax now!

Before we emigrated we lived in a street full of Pakistani families and, every year at Eid, they take food to their neighbours (kindly explaining that they did not expect me to reciprocate). Every Christmas I'd call around with a basket of mince pies. My mince pies were good but their samosas were divine. Gosh, I miss those neighbours! They were so friendly and I was practically mobbed when I went out with the new babies.
It's so nice to hear that you have nice neighbours now.

Just don't give clocks, or things in groups of four, or.. hahaha. Maybe those are just Taiwanese/Chinese things. In any case, seriously, nip it in the bud. My parents are still giving things to people from a first exchange five, ten, twenty years ago. It's quite disturbing, actually.

But if your neighbors ever bring over Korean bbq... you're in luck. hehe.

When will I learn NOT to read your blog at work?!
Here I am reading and laughing out loud, only to have a client come in and ask what is so funny.

You continually make my day!
THANK YOU GOD, for this woman! (and her cats, and her job, and her ex and her family, and LA and the public transportation!-all fodder for her hesterical blog)Life is good when you can count on funny insightful stuff on a daily basis!

I am a professional animal handler and once a cockatoo (Big Australian Baretta-bird, not cockatiels, the little perky ones) took a chunk out of my neck about a hair's breadth away from my carotid artery. I love all living things; however, psittacines (parrot family) are very intelligent, VERY strong and sometimes unpredictable, as are water birds. Do not kiss birds unless they are your own personal birds and are very, very bonded to you.

What KIND of lily is it, my dear? According to one of my Japanese friends, flowers and plants are a language all their own. Pine is extra-special-nice.

Photo, photo!

Southern-hidden-meaning moment: Once, when I was in high school, I devised a little basket consisting of two nice lavender soaps and a nice washcloth for my homeroom teacher for Teacher Appreciation Day. My mom was horrified, thinking the hidden message to my teacher was "You have really, really, bad B.O."

I definitely would NOT have kissed the bird. Birds are closely related to reptiles. Google "Archaeopteryx." Feathers = scales. Ick.

The only birds getting near my mouth have been basted in butter and are liberally seasoned with sage and thyme.

We get thank you notes for cards, yes, you read that right, CARDS (birthday, anniversary, etc.) from our nephew's wife. (But not from our younger nephews/nieces for more $$ type holiday/birthday gifts.) Sure puts it in perspective for me.

Hello blossom!
I have to agree with all of your other lovely commenty people, the culture of gift giving is more reciprocal in some cultures than others.
I am currently in a never ending spiral of non-perishable gift giving between here in Oz and Japan, it's glorious, and challenging to think of new and wonderful things to send. (only so many pics of gum trees and koalas ;)I'd like to send wattleseed jam and other bush tucker thingies but customs says big fat no to that)
PS: glad it was the night gnomes next door and not the underpants gnomes....... :-D

My (white) father had a lovely Korean employee for about 15 years. Every Christmas, the employee's wife would leave a gift on the doorstep, ring the doorbell, and drive swiftly away so we could not thank her. Every year, it was an increasingly expensive item for the house: a beautiful bowl, a silver casserole... the year the employee retired, my father received a Christmas card in the mail! Funny.

We are wogs (eastern european) and the gifting thing is in our culture too - although it can descend into one-up-manship...

But anyway, what I was going to say was that when the new vietnamese neighbours moved in Mum gave them traditional czech cookies, and in reply (totally unexpectedly) they regifted us the BEST strawberries ever (they worked in fruit picking) - both huge & flavoursome. At first we were a bit stunned and felt their gift topped ours, but then decided to roll with it and it became an annual christmas exchange thing, cookies go out, strawberries come in (FYI, in Australia summer & strawberries both occur around christmas time).

so, it may all end up for the best. You may discover you really like lilies and finish with a corner of your garden devoted to them...

or not.

Oh, God, girl, you SLAY me! 'Fruit of Death'!

Seriously, how nice of you to even THINK of something like that!

My boyfriend's mom made a fruit basket for his boss one Christmas and filled it with TOYS [along with the fruit]. We only gave the boss the fruit. What was SHE thinking?

Hopefully your new neighbors will be wonderful.

We can only hope.

Bwah-ha-ha.

Always good for a laugh, L. Always good!
And hey, if you win the lottery, you could just, um, buy up all the Noro in the world and knit them a sunroom?

Just a suggestion.

Good girl! No more thank yous! I'm one who firmly believes that if you were there in person to say a heartfelt thank you for a gift then you don't need to write a card. (Unless, say, the gift was free vet services for life. Then the cats would have to write the thank you.)

It's so hard these days! I'm also frequently obsessing about things like, "If I give them a box of chocolate, they'll turn out to be diabetics." "Wine? What if they are in AA?" "Flowers? What if they have bad allergies?" ARGH!

If you eat your hand how will you blog. Please don't.

Good for you, Laurie!
Not only for being s sweet and taking the time to ASK if there actually was a "Korean fruit of Death" but also for being well, neighborly in Los Angeles in this day and age. But then, Southerners and new immigrants make the best neighbors, in my humble opinion. It's the compulsive culture of community (and alliteration, apparently)that mean OF COURSE you take goodies to the new next-door neighbors, and say "Howdy!" and stuff like that.
And please- no hand eating. Like Jane says, you won't be able to blog. And We NEED YOU!

I love your CrackerMcCracker accent and I'm only reading your blog in print! I can't imagine how marvellous you would sound reading the phone book! I think that's a selling point really. You rock. Saving my pennies to come to the WestHoStitch'n'Bitch someday. You have a ginormous fan club you know...

Ooh. Grrrrrrl, it would behoove you to get tight with your new Korean neighbors, because one day they might invite you over for dinner. Have you ever had Korean food? Them's good eatin', I'm just saying.

I'm Asian, and I don't really know of any bad-luck fruit, but I think oranges with the stems and leaves still on them are good luck in some cultures. But too late for that.

Anyhoo. Love you, love your blog. And your knitting.

The end.

being Southern, I totally get where you're coming from. I'd just mention again how much you like the Lily next time you see them. That ends the "thank you gift" cycle but yet you'll be making your Mamma proud by addressing the issue again :)

That was really sweet of you. You hit it spot on with the fruit for your neighbours. I'm korean, and we buy fruit in BULK. Koreans also tend to never show up "with empty hands", so don't be surprised if they always bring you a little something and don't feel obliged to do the same.

Thank goodness soo clued us all in. Now you can enjoy all the fun gifts and not worry about reciprocating. I wish I lived near your new neighbors, since my neighbors leave their garbage out for weeks and it blows all around the neighborhood.

We made your famous fried chicken last night and it was a hit! Picky teenagers will eat it! Especially with cheesy alfredo pasta.

I vote you display the lily prominently and don't let it die. That's thanks enough anyway.

Now, see this is where I start baking things and thrusting them on the poor new neighbors...
Elinor has the right idea, put in a prominent place and let it thrive!

I'm with ya on the not kissing birds, even though i kiss my cats. and i certainly doubt that i could have recovered that quickly with such a great line... i have cats. i'll hav eto remember that in case i'm ever in a situation where i need to avoid kissing a bird. you just never know.

i can also agree with everyone who is saying the gift thing is just an asian thing. i'm dating a man from hawaii and his family is japanese. we went to visit his family last april and every time we saw his mom she had something to give me. sometimes for both of us, but mostly for me. it was really cute. i felt a little wierd at first since we really only had something for her when we got there but after the first few times, i just started to rill with it.

and, that fruit of death thing had me rolling, too. i could totally see myself finding that fruit of death and giving it to someone completely unbeknownst to me. especially someone where it could potentially matter, like new neighbors, or my BFs family. i can't wait to see what tomorrow has in store...

You always make me laugh, dahlink!

If someone gets a gift from you that they don't like, you will never know, because NORMAL people are too polite to say something. And who cares what they think anyway?? I say do whatever the HELL you want. Stop being so nice all the time. It's OK to grow a pair once in a while!

I am fairly certain that the neighbor woman did not know that lilies were deadly to cats, and therefore gave them to you knowing that. Whichever commenter in here mentioned the possibility (?) is crazy.

My mom has a cat and has no clue that some plants in her house are poisonous to her cat. I had to tell her just the other day!

Hi Laurie! Your blog made me laugh out loud! If I were drinking milk, it would have gone out of my nose! And eeeiiwww. Bird kissing. YUCK.

As for the fruit basket, you did the absolute RIGHT thing. Koreans LOVE fruit! Whenever my family (oh, btw, I am Korean, too) went to a party or dinner to another Korean family's house, we would bring a box of fruit (apples, clementines, asian pears, etc).

I live in Chicago, my parents were living in St. Paul, MN last christmas (they just moved to Tampa, FL...does that make me an honorary southerner?) and my mom had me go to the Korea mega mart (really, the best and cheapest and widest selection of fruit in the Chicago area--H Mart in Niles, IL), call her on the cell phone and I had to tell her which fruit 'looked' good. I had to open the box to make sure that the asian pears were all OK. Yes, she could have emailed me a list, but my mom is a bit technically challenged. She also has a bit of a sweet tooth so she had me describe all the cakes and breads in the bakery there, too. Ah, the joys of trying to understand Korean over a bad cell phone connection. Especially when my understanding of Korean is elementary at best.

So, fruit. Always a good idea for Koreans. And, no, you do not have give another gift for the lily of death! heehee, lily of death! I thought the plant thing was just my mom...every time I drove up to visit, my mom would give me a plant. heh.

That's really funny because I'm crocheting an afghan with monkeys on it for an upcoming baby shower for a Korean friend and I'm worried that monkeys might be bad luck or something! I totally feel you!

I read your comments and smiled so much. I'm involved with a non-profit organization that brings foreign students to the USA for a semester or school year. Ever though of taking care of a Korean student in order to learn first-hand about their culture? It's like having a temporary son or daughter. The korean nationals are teenagers, speak English, and it can be a wonderful learning and bonding experience. If you want more info, e-mail me or call the organization directly at 1-888-743-8721.

Lucky you! What I wouldn't give to have a Korean ajumah living next door to me...befriend her so she will cook for you!! Mmm...chiggae...bibimbap...chapchae. Now I'm hungry.

I lived in Korea for a few years, and I can tell you two things you shouldn't give them--4 of anything (4 sounding like death in Chinese, and also Japanese and Korean) and white mums. They're a funeral flower.

You're lucky your name is Laurie--my first name is Jill and that means "vagina" in Korean. It made for an interesting few years!

My mother's mother is Southern(Alabama), and her side of the family kept our house in un-thanked-for plants through my whole childhood. Maybe at some point after April, when you're in the pet store, you buy Julie a little toy or bird-treat. Inexpensive, covers your not wanting to kiss her, and totally sucking up to the neighbor with the good cooking!

Also, Lucia-- My mom has a cat that went blind when she was three. Lenore (she's "Raven" black) is now about to celebrate her 14th birthday April 19. She's survived a move to a new house, countless furniture changes, and even THREE WEEKS (!!!!!!!) outside on her own when she somehow got out a few years ago. Blind cats aren't neccessarily doomed, you just have to be patient, and watch out for improperly closed doors. Much like other cats, I guess. If you have any other questions, just ask!

I have noticed the gift giving thing. My sister in law is Korean. My parents were amazed at how many gifts they were given for the marriage. Now, see if they will ask you over for barbeque, they make a wonderful marinade for beef. I've tried to get it from my SIL, but she's not entirely sure, her mom won't tell her.

My naighbors did that to me too! It was horrible. I just wanted to get rid of all this extra bread that I baked it wasen't like it was a huge offering or anything it was convenence. And then they gave me fruit. And when I sent them a christmas card they gave me cookies LOTS of cookies. It was a store bought card. I'm avoiding giving them anything. I never ment to make them feel obligated.

Anyways I wanted to tell you I empathize.

SQUARE WATERMELONS ARE THE FRUIT OF DEATH!!!
RUN!
Ahnyong-haseyo means HELLO in Korean.
I should know. I spent a year in Seoul...

Khamsa-hamnida.

You'd better learn to use chop sticks.

Being Asian,I know that giving gifts in return,are like the favours you recieve when you give gifts for a wedding or birthday party.They don't expect anything in return for the gift.Its just an appreciation of your friendly gesture.This seals the deal we 'll be good neighbours.Thats it .Nothing else.

My parents have ha WONDERFUL relationship with their Asian neighbor across the way. It kinda started out the same way, um 30 years ago. The best part is the wee lil' Asian lady doesn't speak much/any(?) English, and my wee lil' Messican mom doesn't do the much of the Chinese, yet through the simplest of hand signs they've gotten along famously.

Don't be surprised when you get something at xmas-time, just make sure you have a thank you gift ready for that one :).

Lucia, just went back and saw your blind-cat post. DO take the cat to a vet to determine the cause. it is usually cataracts or glaucoma but it could be a tumor or another condition. Also, what do you feed your cat?

Please feel free to ask for any advice!

I went back and read your post about the lily incident and just about freaked out myself. We had a similar incident the first year we moved into our house, and we weren't so lucky. My favorite little fur ball got a little taste of a lily that was given to me for my birthday, and his health went into a downward spiral. Luckily I was determined to get him well and didn't give up on treatment when the doctors told us there was no hope. Anyway, he did get better and we got to spend another year and a half with him before his kidneys finally shut down. It was heart breaking and now I am very careful what we bring into the house, because we have 5 more fur balls that like to eat stuff they aren't suppose to.

This is why it never pays to be friendly. Ever. You can join me in my hermit cave, if you like. We don't have to talk, you can just grunt if you need the remote or something.

Isn't that always the way. I read the paper and the recipe I'm interested in calls for 2 Meyer lemons. I leave the paper to read your blog and you talk about reaching for a Meyer lemon. Never heard of this lemon before today and now I read it twice in five minutes!