You're gonna have to fight me for him girl.... I'm newly single again and feisty. ;)

Now you are going to have all the US paparazzi stating that you are much too thin -- and tanned! Yet beautiful.

Too funny -- thanks!

You go, girl!

Also notice how perfectly round and scary my boobages are in that picture of me and my boyfriend. I am so skinny. Yet my dress cannot contain my giant bosoms.

OMG that is so funny.

You couldn't shake those melons with a milkshake machine! Sheesh! heh.

So is that what they mean when they write about heaving bosoms?

Are those real, Laurie? You've never blogged about the surgery, so I assume they are real!

NIIIIICCCE!

I'm going to have to stop reading you late at night or early in the morning. I woke everyone up laughing about weighing the cat. Now I'm going to not eat when reading your blog, I choked (laughing) on this latest post.

Oh, please. You could do better then Mr. Earrings Larger than his Poor Pea Brain.

Laurie: Witty conversation....
DB: Do these earrings make my head look small? And are two diamond crucifixes enough for this outfit? Should I have worn the sapphire ones? And what's with your boobs, anyway?

But the boobages may assist you should you ever be a passenger on a plane that lands in the ocean.

Tee hee! I totally agree with Glenna. You could do SO much better than that skeezoid. He would only (allegedly) cheat on you in Spain. And also, you'd look good as a brunette.

DOOD! the boobs on you! seriously, those things can't even be contained by that CORSET!!!
NICE! way to go! geez...they are so symmetrical it's a little intimidating.
:o)haha! love it.

OMG, that is so funny! Thank you for the laugh I desperately needed.

I want the name of your plastic surgeon!

He's really, really hot. Too bad about the high-talking thing.

Oh, we don't do any talking when we're together. If you know what I mean wink wink nudge nudge.

laurie, your neck!

*snort*

You know, when you paste your head onto Posh Spice's emaciated frame, it looks kind of like E.T. with boobs.

I want the name of that surgeon too. So I can run him down with my car. My god, oranges stuck on with duct tape look more natural than those hard plastic things, girl! God, you'd think they could get it at least halfway normal looking at this point. Becks will be much better off when he leaves her for you, you know. damn, he's hot.

"Your milkshake's brought all the boys to the yard!!! " Damn Laurie - you really need to gain some of that cat weight back!!!

I'm hoping yours look REALER than those! It looks like your cats crawled into each of her boobs and balled themselves up.

nice try, lol! i didn't know posh spice had such red cheeks!

Are you getting the fake boobs and cheek implants like the current Mrs. B?

you have a much prettier face than his previous wife!!

And, apparently unlike her, you know how to smile.

Thanks for the heads up. I'm sure I would not have made it through the next, oh, fifty years without knowing this.......

Too funny. My son is a huge soccer fan (but hates the Galaxy because we loved our former team the San Jose Earthquakes). Anyway, you'll just love the stadium where they play. It's called the Home Depot Center, aka The Tool Box. It'll only take you two hours each way because the freeway traffic is so bad. You and David will be able to spend so much quality time together.

Okay, I'm sure Becks is too busy staring at himself in the mirror to notice. But, girl you need to shave those pits! I'm sure it's hard to get to them with the giant playground balls strapped to your chest, but please try! Also, you have way better hair than her, so I'm sure he's moving waaaaay up when he's with you.

Never mind the man, you have boobage that I would want to aspire to have...LOL The symmetry and roundness is freakin' me out a little! LOL

See I just don't think he's all that hot. He looks mean. But I confess I wouldn't mind looking like you Laurie!

OMG! I'm a 40D and I'M impressed by the immense size and gravity-defying force of those things! Jeez, Oh MAN!! Who would DO that to themselves voluntarily??

ROFL My hubby just signed up for Galaxy season tickets so I can watch him play. It's gonna be good.

So, Mrs. Beckham,
How much did that pair set you back?

...and he's wearing two crosses.
Must have a serious vampire problem.

Hehehehehe. You never disappoint. Nevah!

You are so effing funny. And can I tell you I love the use of the word "boobages"? I never heard that before I met my husband.

Perky!

That's hilarious! Those boobies are SCARY!

I think you're far prettier than Posh, anyday, Laurie.

Wow, you can slice bread with those collarbones (not that you eat bread Mrs. Beckham...or anything).

BWAH! HA! HA!
Shal we call you "Spice Laurie?"

Niiice!

Perky!

Does Macy's know that they are missing two of their balloons from the Thanksgiving Parade?? ;o)

If there's such a thing as a bodice-ripper knitting book, you are obviously the woman to write it.

C'mon Laurie! How can u give up US for a guy with such low standards. Well, they'll eventually get low, y'know, can't do much about gravity, except maybe boobie tucks.

My boobies might not be as big as hers, but I have 8 of them.

Daisy, the dog

I will never, NEVER, get all this coffee off my monitor. I never learn. BWHAHAHHAHA

Hey, where can I get me some of those???

One word

Gooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllll!

Three more

I Love Soccer!!!!!

whose boobs are those?

You boobs look fabulous...

Holy crap, that is hilarious!

Those can truly be called melons. Since they don't resemble breasts in any way other than being in the general breasty area.

You know, he is so gorgeous and then he opens his mouth and this teeny little voice comes out. Yes...he is a high talker.

Umm - if he is your boyfriend shouldn't you have different last names. It is kind of creepy to date someone with the last name people will assume you are brother and sister. Maybe you are the future Laurie Beckham. That makes sense

But he loves the kitties, No? AND he has his own Dyson. Its a match made in knitting heaven. Plus, when you go visit his family in England, you can wear SCARVES!!!!

BTW, Soba is probably plotting the de-inflating of your chest as we speak. Its in her 2007 manifesto.

So that weighing little exercise yesterday? What was that? Just to work us all up to the fact that you have more boob action going on that I ever have/ever hope to have in MY LIFE?!? *giggle* And I had just started getting used to reading you every day too.

P.S. So, if you could just share with the rest of us, how *does* one get the dress to stay up and in JUST the right place like that?!? That is some skeelz right there.

PPFFTT!

Soda on the monitor - nice. And really, all I could see at first was the boobage - wow - those things are dangerous!

I must unlurk to comment! You always make my day☺

And I have to admit that I'm not going to miss him in the UK. As you say - a beautiful body backed up with talent and the most god-awful voice. Every time he opens his gob you just think "bless"!

hee hee, bosoms...

Great photo, I especially like the concrete cleavage!!!
I have a feeling you might have to do a little fighting for your man.

okay, that made me really chuckle...thanks for making my afternoon...
love,
mrs. val kilmer

OMG you are so funny!! Thanks for a good laugh....and don't you look gorgeous!! So much prettier than that old spicey thing he was hanging with ;-)

That would be the absolute definition of hot enough to keep as a toy, dumb enough to discourage conversation.

Those boobs! Holy freakin' crap!

Thank God I work from home. I laughed so hard I started coughing (thanks to the never ending flu) and the cats looked at me like I was going to hack up one of their furballs!

Nice boobs, laurie!

Nice boobs! ;)

Dang Laurie you need to lay off the crackers and water and come to my house and eat a home-cooked meal! Put some meat on those bones!

BWWWahahahaha! I notice he's not even looking at your, uh, dress.

BWWWahahahaha! I notice he's not even looking at your, uh, dress.

LOL
We'll call you Knitty Spice!

Holy Crap...Can I order a body like that too???

You actually have TWO soccer teams (of course, they both play out in Dominguez Hills or Carson or something). I get him when he's on the east coast. I'm just sayin'.

I wonder if Smoky Joe is a guy, and if so WHY is he the only one NOT looking at your boobages and looking at your neck instead?

Mrs. Jerry Garcia

(Really. My husband looks JUST like Jerry Garcia. I have photos to prove it.)

My eyes ain't what they used to be.. but if you can look past the plastic boobage.. I swear I'm seeing stubble under that arm....

Your frontal impressiveness is so great, we are too distracted to Bend it With Beckham.

And the high voice on your future husband--is that too many soccer balls to the groin?

Mrs. Clive Owen

So, you're planning on carrying his soccer balls on your person, aren't you?

Seriously, now: When we had the Lance Armstrong mania, fashion became all biker-y, sneakers and all. Does this mean that we'll be wearing cleats in LA for the next five years?

OMG!!! ROFL!!!
Every time I hear his name I don't think of soccer, I think about "back, sack and crack". My husband says that I'm sheltered........I would have NEVER thought of a guy actually DOING THAT!!!!

I guess that's where he gets his high voice from!!!!
http://www.odps.org/glossword/index.php?a=term&d=6&t=132

i am not a dude. the boobs are just too *hard* to look at, you know?

>^..^<

I was going to compliment you on the perfectness of your boobs. I am not worthy to behold them.

You have impressive "photoshopping" abilities.

Hilarious, chica. Horrifying. But hilarious all the same.

BTW, in the spirit of de-lurking week, I thought I should let you know (not in a stalker-y way) that your writing was part of the reason I started my blog last fall. So, thank you for that...

Now you may return to planning CAP's Operation Posh Overthrow. Cheers!

Wow... that just doesn't look right. Definitely not healthy, or real. Golly jeez, I think that that clothing item you've got on is considered an undergarment and requires something more over it... Of course my initial reaction... "are those real?"

Did you get a haircut?

Oh, please. Dump him, Laurie -- you can do so much better!

Be not distracted by the bubbleheads, for they are not worth our time.

Is it just me or does his hairstyle resemble that of a kewpie doll?

This is a strange and wonderous plannet we live on.

OMG those suckers could stay up on their own!! Funny

OMG!!!! I nearly had my coffee coming out of my nose!!!
You make a great couple - go for it!! (

ok, the boobals kind of scare me.

by the way, i'm not all that impressed. Major League Soccer is where all old european soccer stars go to die. really.

but i wish you much happiness anyway.

Those two poor little dress straps ... they're doing the best they can. :0)

LOL didn't your mama tell you to put on a sweater already???!!! It's Hotty McHottness and Mrs. Booby McBoobage!!!!

You are too too funny. And, you look good on those boobages. I think you should keep them! And remind David to put a little power on his forehead - minimises the shine...

Please, please keep him in LA - you have him for 5 years - forever would be better - we have all had more than enough of the Beckhams & cannot wait to see the back of 'em! He says he's not doing it for the money ....no...really?

Seriously, please hold onto him in USA. Give our newspapers & media a break........

Many thanks!!!!

OH honey. Never. NEVER look like that, ok?

If this is really you, then it's obvious you're not from LA - because any California girl (or like me from Miami - the "wannabe" LA) knows that any good plastic surgeon inserts the implant UNDER the muscle...so no floaties-in-the-ocean-of-your-corset look.

Tsk - tsk....you should know better ;-)

Besides, I'm holding out MUCH greater hopes for you than Beckman. Good thing he plays soccer - can apply the oil slick of hair gel and still kick a goal. As my people say, "OY!"

Are we expected to believe those are real after she gave birth THREE times? I have one kid, and I couldn't make my boobs look like that with a whole roll of duct tape!

Hey, Laurie,
You could knit kittie pi's for those things -- only you could call them booby pi's!

ooh-kay, gotta run.

Crazy Aunt Posh!

Okay Laurie - I think that you can share some of the cleavage wealth right on over here sister! There is certainly enough to go around! ;-) Thanks for making me laugh today!!

You totally made my day!

I have not been commenting lately because someone ALWAYS says exactly what I want to say before me :) But I had to chime in today - tea all over the screen.

Those boobs are just too effing round!!

AFOMC - Laughing so hard I almost fell off my chair. Laurie, you crack me up, but I'm sorry, he's my boyfriend.

"You know, when you paste your head onto Posh Spice's emaciated frame, it looks kind of like E.T. with boobs." - smokey joe

Oh that is soooo funny! and soo true... lol have learned the hard way of not having anything in my mouth when reading your posts laurie and the comments are just as cool! Thanks for the laugh!

The E.T. thing is hilarious!!!!

I do look like ET in that picture of me and my boyfriend. ET with big breastisies.

Love it!

GOAALLLLLL!

Congratulations. I hope you'll be very happy. It looks like that whole "You on a Diet" thing is really working out for you.
And I'm sure Becks can support you in a manner in which you're accustomed. Won't Mr. X be jealous!

ew! gain some weight! look at all those bones across her chest!
and if you ever want to go out in a corset again, please do a better job on the arm pits! who wants a 5 o'clock pit shadow!?
being zaftig has some benefits. no one looks into you arm pits.

How cute! And I like the idea of calling you "Knitty Spice."

While you are much lovelier than the current Mrs. B, you look like ET in that photoshopped pic! *snort*

Laurie, what the hell happened to your boobs. That ain't right. *L*

Cute BF though. ;^)

Oh and I like your natural haircolor better. *L*

I think it's pretty obvious where the 65 pounds of cat weight ended up.... With me, it's "a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips" but I guess everyone's different.

This is like an accident: you don't want to look but you're powerless to stop yourself!

Laurie, you are too funny. Just watch him with the nanny. Or was that Jude Law? Oh well, same difference!

Thank Bob you don't want my celebrity dream boyfriend, Hugh Laurie. 'Cause it would just be wrong to be Mrs. Laurie Laurie. Wrong, I tell ya.

And seriously, laser those pits. Ewwww!

Knitty Spice! tee hee I love it!
But I've just got to say "Holy Hell Batman"! You're obviously NOT a stomach sleeper. It kind of looks like maybe you can screw them off and on. Now that would be convenient! You could have different boobies for different dresses or occasions. I'll have my boyfriend call your boyfriend and we can discuss.

Mrs John Mayer

That took me a minute...I kept wondering how you got a picture with Beckham :P How, erm, perky? Nice Photoshopping.

OMG LMAO first it was the symmetrical boobages, then the neck, then the pits... it IS like looking at a car crash!

And the ET comment... and knitty spice... and the one from the reader with 8 boobs... omg I forgot how to breathe!

If Beckham was a Spice girl he's be a Waste Of Spice.

Sorry, but I'm British and I HATE the guy. If he went to Mars it wouldn't be far enough. You're welcome to him!

... Rant Ends...

Sneeze and you'll do a double Janet Jackson!

OMG! Your boobs are scaring me LaurieSpice!

A guy like that is strictly for decorative purposes only. Well, maybe a few functions.

He may fit in very well in CA. Or not. It'll be interesting to see if the media frenzy follows him over here or if it'll be David who? Plays soccer? I mean, football?

Laurie...

that is a set of "store boughts" if I ever saw any.....!! That photo cracks me up....! he wishes !!

You're welcome to him! Please don't let him come back here... (to be fair, he probably couldn't find his way back even with a map)
But please eat something, I was so heartened by your post about the 65lb cat as I have one too - then I see in 'real' life you are really a blair witch twig lady with bargain basement fake baps.

Do you have ANY idea how many times I had to look at that picture to realize why she looked so familiar?

i'm not even going to comment on the fake melons... but hello? is ONE bling-ing cross around your boyfriend's neck not enough.... he needs TWO bling bling crosses! maybe he's thanking the lord for both of her breasts equally :D

It is so obvious from that photo that your cat must weigh 65 pounds. And congrats on the new marriage.

hahahahahahahahaha.....OMG....WTF?

You, dear girl, and going to be rich. Not just rich: RICH. You have a working model of the latest in automotive safety devices: Personal Crash Impact Deflectors! Now, there's no need to worry about whether the car you're in has airbags. You carry yours wherever you go! And the new, improved version is filled with silicone gel, which can stand up to much more force than mere air!

There is nothing wrong with lauries I mean posh spice's boobs they are in a corset they are suppose to look like that

Totally. w00t! You should write about your crazy escapades in soccer and things like that. Also about being British. That should be interesting. ^_^

You can be Southern Spice. Do the cats like him??

LOL @ "southern spice"!

My ex boyfriend is actually really concerned that the arrival of Posh, er, Laurie and Becks is going to unleash a torrent of those hyper-agressive European Paps.

You can always slip him some steroids to lower his voice. None of us can be all "real".

(SNORT!) You're TOO funny!
Oh my LORD! Laurie, sure he's pretty, but he's too damn stupid to even find his way to the same BED every night! (Come on- if a guy has to see a photo in a gossip rag to "realize" that his wife is anorexic, he simply CAN'T be jumping that bony bum on a regular basis!) and that hair!! We were in London this summer and I finally asked my husband "Honey, why do all these guys have their hair done like Woody Woodpecker?"...and after he'd finished laughing helplessly, he told me all those guys were trying to look like "Becks". Okay- so I didn't exactly focus on the British team during the world cup (Zidan's sexier...).

Shouldn't you be "Catnip Spice"? Those boobs look like leftovers from the continental breakfast tray! Hot Cross Buns Anyone???

Laurie -- damn good thinking -- you can move back home now and have built-in flotation devices for the next big hurricane.

P.S. -- Dear Mrs. Garcia -- I feel your pain. My husband looks like Panama Jack.

Great site! I'm a new knitter, too, have three cats, one epileptic/hypothyroid/allergy ridden dog AND I've NEVER been married. How much of a loser does that make me?!??! ;-)

How dare you put your head on my boobs, roflmao!!!!

Seriously, they look fine...maybe you should try to fit a pair in your budget...

Dude! Seriously good Photoshopping there!

Wow! I'm so impressed with your workout routine. You are looking good and, my goodness, what bra did ya buy to get those?

My first thought was that Posh could only be improved with a head transplant. She has never seemed like the brightest bulb in the box.

I say "Take his money and run with it, girl" Then you could afford to get a dress that actually flattered your new body.

You know what that outfit needs? A striped hat with a very large pom-pom! And maybe a nice scarf.

Do you think Posh uses Turtle Wax on her skin? In other photos it has the texture of a Louis Vuitton bag.

You can do better than Becks Laurie. My heart stopped beating when you said you were going to stop writing. I believed you!!!!! (Dawned on me eventually)

OMG! Just imagine -- 250 Million $$$$$$$$$ worth of YARN!!!!

This is my official delurking post. Here I really am a skulking lurker.

Love the boobjob!

This needed a serious *coffee warning*!!! Coffee all over the place! It almost came out of my nose!

But just think of all the yarn you could buy... Not to mention realistic looking boobs! ;-)

OMG!! I am literally rolling on the floor LMAO!! Too bad about the high voice thing. And the odd E.T. neck and gravity defying boobage thing. You two will fit right into L.A. society I'm thinking.

Thanks for the laughs - I can always count on you.

Hugs
Mrs. Bono

Doctor: "No really, I can't make them that big because you don't have enough skin since we tucked it all on your butt"
Posh: "Do it or I will pay someone else to rebuild my whole body to look like Barbie!"
Doc: "But.... you will look like I duct taped two oranges to your boobage"
Posh:"I veeel ruin you"
Doc: "Let me show you a picture of what it will look like"
Posh: "Perfect - I want it to look like superstreched brown Louis Vitton skin over two oranges that will never ever sag"
Doctor: "Fine then, will you be putting that on your Gold American Express again"

Laurie, you're way too good for that loser. And your boobs are really really frightening. As is your neck... Yikes, keep with the cat pounds!

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I think I peed my pants laughing! Yer photoshop skills are supreme! This guy...he sounds like he's constantly inhaling helium...you can do so much better...and just what is with his HAIR?!?!

*
wonderful ! enjoy !

mrs daniel day-lewis

*

Wow, the breast Fairy does deliverth!

Hahahaha.

The wonders of Photoshop! Could you give me a little liposuction here and there the next time you're on the computer?

Ya know, the breasts are one thing..err...two things, but the fact is that you've been knitting too much. You know how they say that some dogs look like their owners? Well, you're lookin' a bit like your yarn...very Llama-ish.

I just have a few witticisms......

"Boobie Pi" *snort* Yes *snort*

Color matching anyone?

And OMG he is so a one night (a week), stand. I can't imagine talking to him about anything but (hehehehe) FOOTBALL. Poor boy is gonna go crazy learning how to say Soccer. And of course being demoted from Sports god to Soccer Mom's daytime fantasy/role model for her half-wit kid, and husband who thinks he doesn't even play a REAL AMERICAN sport.

Makes you wonder what Beckham darling was thinking when he decided to come to the only country in the world that doesn't (thump chest here)Recognize his talents.

He's not nearly as hot as the New England Revolution players. *rapidly fans self* So drool-worthy!

Good lord. That dress looks like When World Collide.

Congratulations on your impending nuptials!

WorldS.

Worlds Collide.

Exactly in the way that fingers do with keyboards. Only not.

I've drank with the LA Galaxy boys twice so I know where they party. You'll have to come down to the LBC and we'll have a night on the town with David and the boys!

How out of it am I? I didn't notice anything off about the pic. Mmmm...Becks. You're much cuter than Posh, sweetie.

Sooooo funny!

I had no idea what Mr. B looked like actually, I don't follow celebs - turns out my fiance actually kinda looks like him! My honey's nowhere near as tall, and he has better taste in hairdos (oh, and in the naturality of boobage), and has a man's voice but...who's counting. :)

Celebrities...poor sods!

OMG, I'm coming to visit you right away! :-p

What boobage you have!

Truly hilarious. But I still think that Renee Zellweger would be much better casting than a Spice Girl for the movie of your life.

OMG, you are so funny. And what a great rack!

Laurie Beckham, you needta get yer pits electrolyzed.

Thank you. You've just confirmed the truth that victoria beckham is in fact a skeleton with silicone breasts neatly encased in a tasteless cavalli corset. Why this woman can still get pregnant given her weight is a mystery to me. Apparently most shop manaquins wouldn't be able to get pregnant if they were human. Posh spice is definitely thinner. I'm not saying go get pregnant but I am saying that there is normal weight and stupidly thin. I still wonder why the british press are still infatuated with her after all she hasn't actually done anything except release a bad solo record and the most cringeworthy chat show 5 years ago. And go shopping. I wish I could be famous for Shopping.

Victoria Beckham has never looked so good! Thanks for the laugh...