I know exactly what you mean. About change, and the family visit. My parents and 3/4 siblings came down for Christmas, and I was about beside myself to SEE! SOMEONE! WHO KNOWS ME! All of me, not just the last few years.

Oh Lord, that is it exactly...someone who knows me! Not just the surface (1 year) of me. They knew me when I had braces and still talk to me. I really really need to see my dad. I miss him and could really use his sense of humor.

Yup. Just yup.

From one Cancer sun to another? I HEAR YA! I didn't realize I was hopping on the fast train to WTFville when I got my new job. It's going so fast I can't get off, and while the ride is exciting, OMG I just want to have a few days to absorb all that's happening, you know?

I love your posts, and am glad that you share them with us. Takes guts to come out of that shell, non?

The past few years were filled with so much change- that all I wanted was to stop the crazy carousel and get off. I was tired of so many opportunities for personal growth, insight and character building....

I found it took a huge amount of energy to surf the waves of change and simultaneously make those critical connections. Hang in there and enjoy your folks...

Laurie, the only thing that really likes change is a wet baby ...

Here I am, 5-8 hours and what sometimes feels like a lifetime away from anyone who knew me before my mid-20s. I love it here, and I have friends that are my own friends, not just friends of my husband, and I've found my place and I'm happy. But sometimes I need to visit my big sister and eat some kind of casserole with green beans in it and watch Star Trek reruns. Or help my other sister and brother teach their kids the goofy old family songs that we used to sing on long car rides, or how to play that one card game that grandma taught everyone to play. And they call me by the nickname bestowed on me when I was 6, that not even my husband uses. It's important to have that level of familiarity, sometimes.

I always had a problem with change, too. Then I married a man on active duty in the US Navy, and found out what change really is. We moved all over the country, and when that was over we got pregnant after being married for 10 years! Now, we have two boys who are 11 and 8, and I'd have to say dealing with change is a way of life for me.

Yes, I've been married for 21 years, have two boys who are 11 and 8, and would have to say that life is what happens when you are making other plans!

Change may be scary, but no changes are scarier.

I hate change too... well, not all change--just changes that have not previously been cleared by me. It is a perplexing and frustrating thing, especially for those of us who are very sentimental.

Is this how ALL women feel? My wife has the same feelings...but I CANNOT insulate her(or myself) from change.
Either manage it, embrace it or go the way of the dinosaurs....CHANGE HAPPENS....

I'm going to sue you for stealing MY internal dialog !
** how did you figgure out the password to my head ?

I'm going to sue you for stealing MY internal dialog !
** how did you figgure outthe password to my head ?

As for the being alone thing - I think we all have it. Even those of us who are married with kids. I spend a lot of time longing for my mom to come visit me, because I feel like she's the only one who really 'gets' me. Then when I talk to her on the phone every week I feel like I have so much to say and I really have to cram it into the 30 minutes that I have with her. It can suck.

think of it this way though...if things didn't change, what if you were stuck in a bad situation.

you can thank me for my wisdome with yarn ;)

Oh, Honey - I feel your pain! I moved to Australia a year ago (HUGE change) to get married (MASSIVE change). I am having a hard time here (CHANGE CHANGE CHANGE) because no one, except my husband 'gets' me. I couldn't go back to the States over Christmas to see friends and family because we are on a serious debt diet - And I was just getting used to the fact that I was going to have to get on with my life here, then BANG! - I have to come back to the States for 8 weeks for a work assignment. Which is great because I will get to see my PEOPLE, but I was just starting to get comfortable!!! But I feel like I am on a friggin rollercoaster ride from hell. I just want it to stop so I can get off and sit in the shade and catch my breath, know what I mean? And as much as I want to move back to the States right now (this very second, I would do about anything) I would have to say, not no, but hell no!!! Because it would mean more change. Whew. I need a drink...

Not to be weird, but I sometimes think if we were neighbors or worked in the same building, we'd totally be pals.
I'm sure you'll understand when I stop there.

Oh, but one more thing- if things didn't change, we'd still be curled up, forming gross wads of divorceness. So in that regard, phew!

I am so sorry you're struggling =( I hope your visit with your folks refreshes you and makes you feel better. I can't even change my furniture in the living room without hyperventilating, so I am with you on this on. *Hugs*

Everyone fears change. But the good thing about change is you get used to it.

You're very lucky to have parents who "get" you. Mine sure don't get me.

Hating change is normal. Refusing to change is bad. Visits from folks who remember all your hairdos (or in my case, name changes) is priceless.

And in the Sexy-Cleaning-Single Girls Club, I bought a shredder to get rid of 18 years of marital paperwork (visa bills, etc.) bulging out of the dressers.

Have a great visit with Mom and Dad!

You're preaching to the choir here Laurie! I wear a bra until it's so wore out that I can't read the label, I can't eat cereal for weeks after they discontinue my favourite and new cell phones - don't even get me started!! I nearly swear off of watching TV when the cable/sat. company changes the channel #'s (nearly ... there's no point in adding withdrawal to the mix.)

That might sound a little cliché, but I know how it feels... My husband is getting promoted and I'm gonna have to pack my home and leave again, for the 10th time in a little less than 30 years... Find a new doctor, a new dentist, a new hairdresser, a new shrink, a new gyn... whom I can trust (CHANGE), find a new house, get to know the NEW neighbors (why can't we take the old lady who lives downstairs with us?), the NEW neighborhood, but most of all, I'm gonna have to make new relationships. Friends, true Friends, will always BE there [even if they're 500kms (or more) away], but what about the others, the ones you meet at the pub and like to chat with, without even knowing where they live?
Why am I telling you this? Maybe because I feel that "ya'll" can understand how this CHANGE can be disturbing...

I feel you... I'm about to embark on the biggest change of my life: leaving my husband and making it in a (totally) foreign country, finding a place to live, a job, friends that aren't connected to my husband in any way. Luckily, my mother's going to be there with me for the first couple of weeks. I know it's going to be hard to be on my own again, it's scary; but at the same time, I'm kind of looking forward to the challenge.

Oh, man, do I hear you. I remember sitting in that little room, chairs upholstered in tasteful, restful blue-greens that are supposed to absorb the worst news you can imagine, I guess, and thinking "no matter what happens, life will never be normal again."

Well, of course it is normal, it's just a different normal. A person can get used to anything, just before it changes.

i fear change. everyone does. and that's really what it is all about. fear.

i've had a fair share of crazy change in the last couple of years. one miscarriage. one high risk pregnancy. a complicated recovery which included a splenectomy. another pregnancy. another complicated recovery. perpetual strep infections. a tonsillectomy. and financial woes. geez. just writing that makes me tired. is it any surprise that i hate change? is it any surprise that you do?

so during this time? i worked a job. a job that, in addition to everything else, brought me to tears. literally. the people were fabulous. the work environment...not. i couldn't leave. it was too complicated. and what if i couldn't make it without this job?

five years. of. not. quitting. and. tears.

i just recently quit. the minute i did? complete freedom. i mean, riproaring over-the-top joyous freedom.

i'm home now. with my youngest. and i get to see the eldest at lunch whenever i want, and read to his kindergarten class every week. i work a few hours at a coffee house for benefits and such...but, oh, the hours of freedom. these are the people who know the best parts of me. my family. my dear ones.

change? scary. but now i realize? oh, so, worth it.

Change is difficult, but necessary. Just think how you'd feel if you still had that half-mohawk thing? ;-)

For me it's not so much the changes (ok, it probably is, but stick with me here...) it's the yearning for an anchor in all of it.

The connection you have with your folks is priceless. That you can count on them to be there for you? infinately priceless.

Some others have said it before. Not everyone has that.

Having a 20+ year marriage end, I've found myself in a place where a lot more people who "get me" aren't sticking around. I'm caught off-guard by that. Rebuilding support network is exhausting, espcially when I realize it will be 20 years before I have friends that I've been with for 20 years again.

Hang in there. Just because the new people in your life didn't know you when your hair was weird and you had braces, doesn't mean we wouldn't still love you now. It just means more work to get to that point.

Does that make sense?

But would you prefer a life of stasis? I look around me at people that are still living as adults with families of their own in the same neighborhood they grew up in. They seem happy but I wouldn't want that. Would you? I understand the missing people who "get you". I lost one of my oldest & closest friends two years ago & the void is gaping. Now, in retrospect, I wish I had flown across the country more frequently to see her. That's the key to handling change: find a way & the means to spend more time with those who are your anchor, wherever they are. BTW, 1st time commenter, Kelly

moms and dads rock.

unconditional love from people who know the stuff most would not find loveable.

but i'm a planner too and change totally pisses me off.
:)

No, you don't hate change.

every day, you change your clothes, or have something different for lunch or dinner.

what you hate, is change IMPOSED on you.

If you decided to get divorced (instead of your partner) you'd be telling stories of how happy you are now that you dumped him.

same goes for a job:
hate your job and quit? it's great.

love your job and get laid off? HORRID!

Its not change that you hate, its the sense of not being in control of your life. It is the feeling of powerlessness that we have when others pull the rug out from beneath our feet!

change isn't the problem.

it's the loss of sense that you have any say in your life--that is what you hate.

the way to feel better is to take charge of something, (may i suggest knitting? or even your stash?) and exersize control of the things you can control (realize, and accept, many, many things are totally out of your control--as sucky as that is!)

It's that spending time alone thing. I tend to do that as well. Change is not as rough if there's someone else along for the ride. It's taken about five years for the rollercoaster ride that is my life to seem to move along on a smooth, steady course. There were some really sucky times, nights when I came home and cried. And because there often wasn't anyone else around, I spent a lot of time in my head worrying and analyzing things -- because we Cancers are really good at that. Thing is, I like where I ended up. I just wish it hadn't had to be such a painful journey.

Embrace change, it's an adventure! Even the scary changes. That being said, I still don't like change that I had nothing to do to initiate it. I am a person who likes the status quo, although I do get bored easily. (I am a Cancer, too.)

And parents, oh Laurie, enjoy them. Embrace them. Cherish them. For one day they will have moved on and you will be left with memories and photographs. I lost my Dad 15 months ago and what I would do for one day with him again. So hug them and tell them how much you love them. Cause you do and it's nice to hear those words out loud.

I've had moments as an expat when I wanted to curl up into a ball and not leave my house because I just couldn't deal with any more change. From small things like not being able to read the labels in the grocery store or immediately recognize the value of the coins in your pocket to bigger deals like being locked out of your apartment on your first day in a new country without a cell phone, a phone number, a knowledge of the native language or a clue how to get help....

Now that I'm settled here and there are fewer surprises in every day life, I realize when I move back to the States everything will be different. I can't step back into my old life. Even if I move back into my old house in the town where I used to live, I'll still be starting over. So now we're debating--should we go back, when, where? More changes....

I think the "trick," if there is one, to dealing gracefully with change is to have something grounding and reliable in your life that you can use as a touchstone when things are confusing and chaotic. I think we forget what a huge amount of solace can be derived from simple, reliable things. Personally, while I actively look for certain kinds of change on an emotional/intellectual level, changes in my physical circumstances are very traumatic for me. I would have lost my mind this year when I moved (although it was a good thing) had it not been for 1) my music, and 2)my cats. Maybe I'm just terribly simple, that I can be grounded by Mendelssohn and purring. OK, and a little bit of scotch. But not much.

I have a love/hate relationship with loneliness. On the one hand, I genuinely like being alone. I like going to restaurants alone, I like shopping alone, I like going to the movies alone. But, there's been some traumatic times in the last couple years where I pick up my phone to call someone and I just stare at it. It's not to say that I don't have friends, but no one that really knows me. I find, as you do, that connecting with people in this medium is cake, but for whatever reason, in real life, finding a true friend is challenging. No one wants to admit they're lonely. When you're lonely, you wonder if you're flawed, if there's something wrong with you. Who wants to say that out loud? Sheesh. And yet still, you wind up standing in the produce section of the grocery store watching the people pass by and it's tempting to just stand there and scream, "I'm lonely!!!! Someone please be my friend!!!!" And then you go home and eat a whole pint of Cherry Garcia.

I've just started reading your blog last night via Citizen of the Month. I think you should know that you are amazing. And thank you, for letting us in.

Laurie--You are so wise to take this time to be thoughtful and to absorb the change in your life. So many people try to ignore their feelings after a major life change--numb it with a new lover, drink, drugs, food, etc. And you are taking some time to just live! I love to read your writing, and I appreciate you sharing your journey.

It's the same for all of us. I keep a wiffle ball on my desk, tied with a decorative raffia ribbon so that my co-workers think of it as a "craft" I've done that they don't understand. What it really is is a reminder to me that life is batting practice--new things are thrown at us everyday. My religion tells me to "count everything as joy," and this wiffle ball is a reminder that every new thing lobbed at me is a chance to learn and, maybe, to get it right.

The best I can do is remember that I hold the bat, and I can choose how to respond.

Also on my desk is a card that a friend sent, with a photo of people on a rollercoaster in the 1950s. The caption says, "Life is a rollercoaster. Try to eat a light lunch."

You're adjusting to a divorce, and I am adjusting to be married "later"--that is after 38 years of being single. It's a rollercoaster. To top it off, my dear husband has now decided--after the fact--that he does not want to have children after all. You can imagine that this is huge. Especially the way that he thinks that his change of mind is the end of the discussion.

No matter where you are--single, married, Alabama, California, Indiana, employed, unemployed, childless, parents, etc., etc.--it's a rollercoaster. I think I'll go knit something.

LOL.

Hi Laurie: God loves you right where you are. He's not about control but about letting go. Cast all your worries upon Him, because He cares about you very much.

Got engaged and moved to the UK to be with my fiance.
Six months later, got dis-engaged and moved back to the States.
It's been tough dealing with settling in & adapting, then picking up & leaving again. And the loss of hope in a relationship. it also wasn't the best financial investment. It was like being proud of having a big, red balloon & then it's popped.
but when i think of the flipside, living a life with someone who's a real pain in the *ss... oh, i could tell stories! but i'd rather move on.
Just keep looking ahead. Plan for happy occasions to celebrate & fun things to do. And think about what you can do to better yourself & your life-- work on things that require time & more than a day's work.

"Wading in the mud is not the best way of getting clean," Aldous Huxley wrote. Myself, I'm preparing to do a doctorate.

This sounds cliche, but try to look at change on a day-to-day basis. If you take it one day at a time, it just doesn't seem so colossal. I lost my mom last year after a long illness. In fact, I had really lost her years before that when the illness set in. But, your post helps me realize that the hardest part was losing one of those people who has known the whole you for the whole time you've been on this earth. That's why it's so important to keep those relationships close to our hearts, even when the people are far away. Hang in there. I know all about the divorce thing, too. I PROMISE it will get better!

Don't forget traffic. You can always count on that!

The upside to change is that things also change for the better, the bad thing about not changing is that you get stuck in a rut. The best kind of changes are the one you control or the ones you manage to turn around to your advantage/benefit. Have a great visit with your family, I wish I could see mine who are 8 times zones away.

Laurie, change is tough. Expressing your feelings about it is great! Putting one foot in front of the other every day is the way to deal with it. I bet if you made a list you would be surprised at the number of people you have met since the Big D. I know I am... and mine isn't even final yet. But I learned to knit because of it! :-)

Ha, my first thought when I read your blog was that you'd been blogging after making friends with the wine!

I hear you on wanting your folks to come and visit. I used to get so excited when I lived in Charleston and my mom was coming down.

I'll bet you'd understand why I was willing to leave beautiful Charleston for a lateral move just so I could be closer to family and old friends. My friends thought I was crazy for leaving such a city for the midwest. It's so nice to go sit at my parent's kitchen table and wind down after a long crazy day.

I love change! Things change all the time and if they didn't life would be too boring!

i don't think anyone really goes through a life change with "grace and class". i'm going through one now, and really, you just get good at pretending all is well when you're out in public. then you get home and freak out. it happened to me yesterday while waiting for takeout. i just placed my baby with an adoptive family two weeks ago. there was a woman waiting for takeout too, who had a beautiful little girl, maybe 9 mos. old. i set my face like stone, walked out to my car, and cried for a little while. the nice thing is that while time inevitably brings change, it's also the thing that heals.

I agree with Helen of Troy and Joanie. You can sit around and resent change, and have it thrust on you anyway.

Or you can instigate the change youself, and make an adventure of it.

I know which one I prefer.

I think God does make lists. More for our sake though....

Personal experience it is a lot easier road when I give him the reigns and take a back seat. Seems everything just seems to fall into place.

{Prayers for you}

Laurie, Actually God does make lists - does the 10 Commandments ring a bell?

There are other lists too. IMO the Bible is a blueprint for how God would like us to live or lives. He tells us how to protect ourselves from bad people, heal and live a joyful life. For a start.

Laura

Laurie, I completely understand. I've gone through quite a few (forced on me) changes in the past three years or so. But now that things have settled down and I feel somewhat healed from it all, I realize that I've never been happier or stronger and that I'm rather grateful for the horrid things that happened. But when you're in the middle of the muck of it all it seems like "happy" is impossible and that "lonely" will be forever. I am also single and, yes, I still feel lonely some of the time, but it's better than some of the other things I've felt when I wasn't single. And I try to keep reminding myself that at least "lonely" is an honest feeling which is something I can deal with and face up to a lot better than the things I was trying to convince myself that I felt for my ex when I really didn't feel anything good at all. Okay, that probably doesn't even make sense.

I'm with Helen (of Troy) on that one--change isn't as much the problem as whether you can control it or not. Or whether you can let things happen around you and observe. Not being able to control change makes you a reactive victim, kind of like picking black in chess. Being able to control or foresee change and have a what-if plan in place puts you into a position of power and makes things a whole lot less daunting. Same thing with stepping back and watching change unfold around yourself, but being okay with the stepping back and accepting of the stuff that may happen.

And yes, God makes lists. Lots of them. Or how would you run a universe if you weren't organized?

Hugs to you, Laurie!

Helen of Troy has got it in one. I hate change imposed on me. I think you do too. Just when I get used to the world around me someone out there changes it. Bastards!

Heh, is this about cleaning your home office?

Laurie, in between all the wonderfully crafted lines, I feel like there has been a NEW change, and this post is NOT about the divorce, and that you will tell us what the new change is all about when you are good and ready.

In the meantime -- hug your family. I wish I could give my Dad a hug but he is gone. My Mom, my husband, my cousin Ed, and a handful of my real friends "get" me to varying degrees. I feel very fortunate to be able to say that.

The rest of the world thinks I am totally whack.

BTW, your Dad says "the only thing you can count on is change" because he is a Capricorn, and there is nothing a Capricorn hates more than ANY sort of unexpected change, but we know a major change could happen any second, so we spend our entire lives worrying about it. Capricorns are like cats that way -- you know how when you move the armchair six inches to the left to make room for a cute little end table fro Pier 1? And they have to come check it out from a distance, then smell it, then scent-mark it with their face ... and if they DO NOT LIKE the new thing, cats, unlike humans, have no reservations whatsoever about peeing on it.

I do feel your pain: losing my Dad, changing jobs twice at animal shelters in the aftermath of Katrina, repairing Mom's house, knee injuries, a car wreck, and a whole bunch of lesser things all since August 6, 2005 in my life.

You have your family, and in a wierd way, you have the moral support of all your readers, which has a life-energy of its own. Good thoughts coming your way...

Dez in Louisiana

P.S. -- God makes very OCD lists -- you never had to read the book of Leviticus in Sunday school?

I have many days where I scream "Stop the world, I want to get OFF!" It usually happens when I think I've gotten all my crap together for once, and then a whole new landslide of crap happens. Keep your head up.

Yes, Change is f&*cking HARD. It surprised me how difficult it was to go through even GOOD changes like a happy marriage, nicer house, better financial conditions, etc. I guess any time your status quo is rocked from its foundation, it takes a new mind set. I think humans in general have problems with change and this is why so many people just stay in bad situations.

Hang in there and pat yourself on the back for barrelling ahead and making POSITIVE steps in your new life.

I get scared because there are things I need to change but don't know how or when or what would be the be the best change. Do I just change for the sake of changing or do I continue making out the OCD list of pros and cons and calculate all the numbers trying to find the perfect change, if there is such a thing? Some days I just want to say 'uncle' and let someone else take over my life.

I'm wondering if I hate change because it might be a combination of getting older (you know, we sometimes become set in our ways) and all the changes from moving around alot growing up in a military family. On the other hand, maybe in spite of it, I sometimes want change just to shake things up a bit. I don't think there's anything wrong with some people staying in the same town they grew up in and even the same street if that's what makes them happy. Or the people who need/want change and don't want to get stuck in a rut.

I like being alone myself, though, when I was I did get lonely from time to time, of course. There was a time when I was settling into being single again, looking to buy a condo, my daughter out on her own, and I was happy. Then my world came crashing down when my mother was diagnosed with an advanced stage of cancer. Since I was the only one in the family able to, I left Texas, my job, everything, to stay with my dad, who was in a bad way, in California for six months after she died. I've been back almost seven years now, married again with 5 stepkids, 3 of whom visit us twice a month and also a new grandbaby. Talk about some major life changes!

I'm happy, most of the time, but sometimes I think back to that time before we knew my mom was ill, I was going to buy a condo just for me, on my own! I could do what I wanted, when I wanted and I felt in control. And that's when life hit. There's no use fighting some things that we can't change, we just have to make the best of it and plug through, searching for and noting those things that are good about it or if we can't find anything good then at least having faith that in the end we will find it.

Does that make sense? And if the change is something we instigate or want, it can sometimes still be scary and exhilarating at the same time.

Sorry I hijacked your comments, Laurie! I didn't realize I was running off at the mouth like that!

:)

Like many of your commenters, I've been through a "year from hell" as well. I thought it was going to end when 2007 arrived, but I was wrong. The fan's still spinning, and the poo isn't abating.

Just remember - everyone feels like this. We all hate it when we finally get life to balance for us, and someone comes along and kicks our scales (Libra writing here). The people that always seem to "have it together" are either just better actors than the rest of us, or so stupid that they don't realize that life could be so. much. more. And who wants to be stupid?

Recently, I went all teary with my boss and blurted out all my insecurities to him. He was incredibly understanding. He admitted that he, this totally together and confident guy, is one of those "good actors", and reminded me that deep down we're all frustrated souls that want to scream and run away and not have to deal with all the change.

I know that saying "you're not alone" really doesn't help you deal with life, but know that the wheel of life is continually turning, and when you're on the bottom you can take solace in knowing that some good is coming.

Once again, you've written something that resonates with perfect clarity.

I suspect you're on to something with the drinking-in-the-closet thing.

Change sucks. I moved back to Ohio from Germany, and almost instantly had to move to Florida, where I knew nobody. A good friend's wife was killed, and then we found out he had cancer. Found a job, and before I knew it I had to quit because I found out I had a brain tumor. Less than a year later, my best friend (38 yo) died unexpectedly. And then his brother, who I thought was closer to me than anyone, ran off and got married - and forgot to tell me.

I've gone from living on my own overseas, to being stuck with my parents again, and there's no sign that I'll be able to move out in the near future. I want nothing more than to put the last year behind me and move to a new state, one where I already know a couple of people. But if I move, I have to find 14 new doctors. Yeah, 14.

But at least I'm a good actor.

I'm not sure how you do it, but your posts always seem to be in tune with what's happening in my life. After getting used to it being the two of us after the husband moved, my daughter is away at her first weekend visit with him.

My highschool history teacher's motto was "Change isn't strange, but it's painful." I always hated when he said that. :)

I want to echo what KathyH said. I KNOW that if we knew eachother we'd be pals and I think everyone who reads your blog probably feels the same way. You have the ability to connect with so many different kinds of people- it's such a gift! It's what we love about you.

Laurie, when things change, you grow. Darlene

I think it's fascinating that you posted the "Clean Freak" bit right next to the "I Hate Change" bit. Interesting thing-- those two often go hand in hand. Change+cleaning, or Feeling stuck+chaos. Control the stuff you can! You're on the right track :) I just found a neat-o book about such things, called Making Peace with the Things in Your Life, by Cindy Glovinsky. I clean and organize professionally, and I like this book because she says flat out that chaos is part of the universe, and our lives all have a little bit of it; the trick is to find our chaos threshhold, so we feel peaceful and relaxed and don't stress ourselves out by trying to control the crap we can't.

Oh I TOTALLY understand!! It's not so much the *change* itself, but that there is ALWAYS something changing! And if it was a change *I* wanted or started, it would be alot easier to deal with. But when the change is an illness or a divorce or even a cat dieing (usually happening all at once), you just want to curl up into a corner. This is why I knit and shop for yarn. Even with all the money I spend on yarn, its still cheaper than therapy. AND more fun!!

Me thinks Laurie has discovered Shiraz. Or Dry Rob Roy's.

Girl, think of how bored you would be if everything stayed the same. Really.

I'm with you, I HATE, HATE, HATE change. Throws me for a loop.

I'm one of those very odd people who likes change. Unless it means I have to do things like pack or put down the knitting and maybe get involved in stuff.

I have more blog friends than real life friends. Blog friends are easier to have since I don't have to see the weird look on their face when I say something stupid/inadvertently offensive/redneck-like.

I do find change very difficult but I've learnt to deal with it because it is a part of life.

Change (imposed change) sucks - am with you on that. In the last couple of years I lost my mum to breast cancer, lost a baby, a boyfriend, had a serious operation, a bill for major works on my flat which may mean I have to sell (the bill is half my annual sary!) and was just hoping this year would be better - then went back into work after the Xmas break & got made redundant!
Have just been wondering whether I was Genghis Khan in a past life or something... but I will pick myself up and make something of it. Have to - the only other option is letting life bully me and I won't do that! Be nice to have a break from it though...

Bad movie quote: "...beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most." - Birdee Pruitt in Hope Floats -

Everything changes, even when we don't want it to. We just have to remember that we are capable of changing things, too. If we don't like what's new or scary, then at least we're capable of changing the way we feel about it. It's all about adaptation, baby.

Yes, change can be good, but sometimes you just have too many changes thrown at you all at once. I feel like I have been on the run, adapting to one change after another in rapid succession, for the past.....oh, I don't know....10 years? The last 5 in particular with moving 1500 miles across country without a job, right after 9/11, finding a job after 7 months of unemployment, hunting for a new job, finding new boyfriend, and now dealing with new job, a pending move and a wedding.

Sometimes you just want a year of stasis so you can catch your breath!

When I'm feeling overwhelmed I do something calming - cleaning house works a lot of times because it gives me a feeling of control. Knitting is good for calming the nerves and so is buying myself a little goodie - provided you have the $$$ squirreled away for it, of course.

Maybe that's why you got the cleaning crazies this weekend - you are TIRED of all the changes - even though in the end, they will be good for you - and you just want to be in control of your situation for once.

I'm kind of relieved to learn that change affects young people (you) as well as old (me). I thought it was something that just got to you as you got older. But then I remembered the pure terror I used to feel at work when the boss left and a new one came in (in government work, that happened fairly frequently. Congressional investigations, you know). And looking back, I think it was actually worse then (30 years ago) than now.

You write the things I think better than I think them.

Yes, I feel exactly the same way you describe--it feels like everything moves too fast, changes too much, just when I started to get used to something. If I felt even remotely comfortable in face-to-face interactions, I might even talk to someone about it :)
Thanks for your blog, really.

Change, good or bad, is definitely stressful. I'm dreading an upcoming change (going back to school at night) and I just got married (another big life change) 4 months ago. I've been getting used to the easy routine we have right now, and it's about to get a little more complicated, so I know what you mean!!

OH yeah, God does make lists....the 10 commandments counts as a list! LOL

There are those of us, dearheart, that too much change happened too quickly, and in a span of three weeks. It then took professional help to sort out.

I'm not ashamed of it, and I'm entirely grateful I had the means to seek and get help when I needed it. (Besides, there was not enough wine in my region of the country to drown out that period of my life!)

I take comfort in the fact that humans are versatile beings and adapt quite well to change - otherwise there'd be some other species roaming around the earth.

as always, love your post. sometimes it's that you make me laugh 'til it hurts, sometimes it's that you hit a nerve and I finally get to have that cry that I've resisted, sometimes it's just that sense of relief and feeling of being understood even though you haven't really crawled inside my brain but are flashing your brain instead.

Some change I despise. Some I welcome. Some I am impatient for. Some makes me cringe even as I need and want it. Some I just try and run from :)

Laurie,
Well, I instigated a change this week end. After 30+ years (you're gonna think I'm nuts) I left my husband. Through illnesses, affairs and just every day~he was a jerk. I finally decided at this point in my life (after recovering from an almost fatal illness) that I don't want to tollerate it anymore. It's not going to be easy. It's been less than 24 hours now, and I feel like I just want to go home to my own bed and cry. I can't. I'll make the best of an awful situation~like you~and be the better for it.
Thanks for the humor in everything..good and the bad.

Terry

Even when we want change, it's hard and it's scary. But the thing is, you've gone through it (have you ever!) and know that you can come through to the other side and be alright, which is so empowering. It's just that the first step is so sting-y and then willing yourself to put your whole self in is like dipping your toes in the water and then steeling yourself to jump on in.

I love how when you open up and talk about some uncomfortable issues, there are a lot less comments. Girly, you have a sense of humor and a strong will, and I think you are realizing that you have come out of your large changes for the better. It sucks, though. I would join you for a closet glass of wine as long as it *looks* like we're getting though it ok. Cheers!

I love how when you open up and talk about some uncomfortable issues, there are a lot less comments. Girly, you have a sense of humor and a strong will, and I think you are realizing that you have come out of your large changes for the better. It sucks, though. I would join you for a closet glass of wine as long as it *looks* like we're getting though it ok. Cheers!