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January 4, 2007

Hi it's Thursday and HOLY GUACAMOLE it is January FOURTH already?


Note: It is only Holy Guacamole if you did not purchase the Kraft brand Guacamole which as it turns out has no avocados at all in it, just like a whole bunch of mushy ingredients and a hint of avocado. Did ya'll read about that? And someone is suing the Kraft company? It's all very cloak-and-dagger, what with the polonium 210 and all.

Yes, I said POLONIUM 210. You mean you are not also strangely obsessed with the Russian spy who may or may not have been poisoned by a radioactive isotope (really? maybe not, but I wanted to use "isotope" in a sentence) and the radiation may have come from spiked ice cubes at a sushi bar, or he might have smoked it. Proving once and for all again why sushi and spying and smoking can be really bad for your health.

But it makes me want to go to Moscow on vacation REALLY BADLY. My plan is to go to some coffee shop outside the Kremlin (what? they have coffee shops there right? Like Vlad's Diner or something?) and I will order breakfast in the following manner: Please to give me black coffee, yes, and also toast with scrambled eggs and ... a side order of espionage. And someone will bring a briefcase and, also, in this fantasy I am not just twenty pounds thinner but I am also wearing a black trenchcoat designed by Dolce & Gabbana.

How is ya'lls Thursday going?

And, one last thing before I go. I was in the store buying toothpaste, an essential, because I can only buy essentials ... remember? Which is why I am sitting here in Los Angeles, not Moscow, and I am wearing a Target Mossimo rain coat tonight on the way home instead of D&G, and also, not only was I about twenty pounds thinner in my fantasy I was also several inches taller. Whoops. Did I just admit that?

But anyway I was in the store wandering from aisle to aisle looking for the toothpaste when I saw this product which just grossed me out to no end:


I don't want my girly parts to smell like tea.
That is just all kinds of wrong.

Posted by laurie at January 4, 2007 11:15 AM