Ya I'm finally first!!!! We do those test's in Canada too. I usually bring the person coffee or something. It doesn't make a difference in the end. I'm glad you passed and you gave the unsuspecting soul a heartfelt hug!!! If he read your blog he would so totally get the hug thing.

I forgot to get the smog test this time and got a thing back from the DMV. It is just sitting in my living room. If I hug the guy will I get a discount?

I forgot to get the smog test this time and got a thing back from the DMV. It is just sitting in my living room. If I hug the guy will I get a discount?

For what it's worth, I love getting hugs. I think it's kinda weird that Americans don't ever touch each other. Sometimes it's just nice to feel someone else's touch - ya know, but not in a sexual way. Keep hugging.

Don't be too embarrassed about the boss comment, I just told mine that the reason I'm having a greasy quesadilla for lunch is to get ready for the marathon drinking I'll be doing after work.
smoooth. (true, but still... when do I learn to just think these things and smile politely?)

Oh, Laurie...you are the limit! I'm picturing Pham now.

You are just TOO cute!

That's okay - I made a very career limiting statement to my boss when he was picking on me -
I told him, in front of god and everybody in the break room

"You are sad, strange little man, and you have my pity" (from Toy STory.)

You don't do this to this boss. Ever. Picture the akward silence in the break room. Pin dropping was really really loud. As I left, a co-worker of my immediate supervisor told me, "Well, it was fun working with you. Good luck in your future employment."

ah.

good times.

Do you talk too much when you get nervous and totally want to impress someone, but everything that comes out of your mouth is inappropriate and/or inane? Even if the answer is yes, you have nothing on me. Just so you know, if we ever meet, be prepared not to get a word in edgewise and maybe you should wear earplugs for, oh, the first six hours. Better make that six days.

dont be embarrased - sexual harassment is part of any worthwhile workplace. inappropriate comments and unexpected hugs/pats on the back or thumps on the head are what make coming to work fun, exciting and a place i want to spend 10 hrs of my day... coz it's not for the $$. :)

*
you are so cute and I love you

*

I almost inappropriately hugged my boss the other day. It was my SECOND DAY on the job. I am not to be held accountable for what happens with an adorable single man tells me about his 13-yr-old cat being sick and possibly dying, even if he IS my boss.

I'm wondering now if it was a test of my strength of will or something....

In entirely unrelated news, I know you're on a spending moratorium, but if you can get someone to give you a gift of Paton's SWS, oh my god. Hearts and love and it made me think of you and the Up Country. That is all.

YAY - I am so avoiding those car check thingies... I already know about the windshield, the muffler, & the AC... & the cost of the damn tests to tell me to other things that i don't know about.

I grew up with a family that doesn't give hugs unless if someone has really great news or if somebody died.

Maybe the hug did give you a discount. I should do that with the next technician that changes my oil, but knowing my luck, he would find it weird and pervy.

lol. i hug people, but not strangers. :-) heehee
we had to get brakes when i was pregnant with our first baby. it was soo much money. iu cried and cried in the office. something about now the baby cant have a crib. he gave it to us half off.
sometimes tears are good. :-)

I like Pham. I have a perfect mental image of him, and I wish he could be the inspector for my car next time it's necessary, but I have no immediate plans to move to California, so that won't be happening ...but I like Pham very much. :)

You aren't alone in the hug awkwardness, I give hugs only at the worst possible time- when someone is holding a plate of food; irrelevantly in the middle of a conversation; if the other person is on the cell phone...

Hey I cried when my car didn't pass inspection a few years ago. In Massachusetts home of the stoic people. They guy was totally flummoxed. For me it's like a judgement on my own capabilities if my car fails. I think I even said something to the effect of I guess we should have studied.

does FBC know that you blog and have this whole other internet life?

i sympathize. with all my heart. i usually like to crack jokes, but i always seem to crack them to the wrong people.

i work at Big Law Firm, and i was in charge of coordinating a breakfast. i was engaged in atypical awkward banter with Bossman (who i affectionately refer to as the Muppet, because when he talks, only the top of his head moves, not the jaw... i swear, i can see a red semi-circle in his mouth...) when he asked me what i ordered... "You know, bagels fruits, sexy dancers..." "Dancers?" "Yeah, the kind with the big cabana fruit hats." just when he perks up at the thought of sexy breakfast dancers, i quip "But no one will notice them because everyone will still be drunk from the night before..."

Lead balloon. Well, i thought i was funny.

I'm not such a weird hugger (except maybe I'm the exact opposite and will go without hugging very special people for years until they initiate it!) but I have this weird nervous this that makes me insert incredibly long and unnatural pauses in my conversation when I am talking to people who intimidate me. Smog testers would be one of those people. I know it's happening when the person I'm talking to either looks at me like I've got a third eyeball growing out of the tip of my nose, or they just glaze over and lose consciousness temporarily while I stumble over my words. Awkwardness sucks.

(ps - I also love how awkward the word awkward looks in type! fitting, I'd say!)

There's nothing inherently weird about hugging - I love hugs! I think it's just that our culture is so "no touch" that we make it strange/"sexual" to hug someone. In lots of places in the world, hugging or kissing (on the cheek) is a very appropriate way to greet someone. I took a massage therapy course where we talked about how uptight Americans are about being touched, and how it's a probable cause of the huge depression problem in our country. So Hug On, Aunt Purl! Keep spreading the joy!

You might have called Jennifer with your exciting news, but I'm more interested in the phone call Phan made to HIS FRIEND after you left, "Kwan, you won't believe this, but after I smog checked some blond hottie's Jeep, she literally had her hands all over me!"

You've brightened my day. Jazz hands!

LOL...poor Pham!!!

You proably made his whole month with that hug!!!!

Is there really such a thing as an inappropriate hug? Hugs are good.

OK, well maybe if you walked into a bedroom and two people were engaged in an act of intimacy and you went over and hugged one of them. That might be inappropriate.

Maybe.

oh, there are so many ways in which I love you in that girl-crush-blog-stalker-y way.....

Side ponytails rock!!! Except in pictures where they look dorky. Duh! They only do that in pictures; in real life they are cool and sophisticated.

I don't have the inappropriate hugging, I have the inappropriate hissing. Like a cat? I was training for my new job--very intense experience--and was mentioning to the trainer that I did not like the person on the tape that I had to listen to. He reminded me that the people on the tape are, due to extreme confidentiality concerns, never 'gendered'. Addressed my frustration not in the slightest. So I hissed at him. I may have also stomped my foot. Way to make a lovely impression on someone who can say whether you keep the job or not!!! Yay me!!

Maybe we could trade--I could start hugging inappropriately (people who know me would fall over dead--I don't touch people) and you could hiss!!!!

Ah yes, the inappropriate hug. For some reason knit groups bring that out in me as well. I used to get together with a groug that met at a coffee place (I moved away, they didn't expel me as a result of the hug). One night I was waiting for my coffee order at the counter when a member of the group I hadn't seen in a while came up to say hello and put her arm around me. I mistook this for a hug and went to hug back which was incredibly awkward. It was quite clear I had taken the entire exchange to a level not intended by this other woman.

Oh well, I just claim to be a socially mal-adjusted academic -which I guess I am in light of this story!

Passing the smog test is such a relief. Definitly hug worthy.

I too am the physically touching type and my sons get a butt slap every time they walk by unless they are quick and block it. Does that make me a Mommy Perv? I think not. "Jazz Hands"

For future reference, California will reimburse you for repairs (some of them, anyway) if you fail your smog test at a "Test Only" station. I learned this while reading the back of my DMV notice while waiting for my smog test a couple years back.

I made this discovery three days after I'd replaced a small, otherwise inconsequential, surprisingly expensive part that would have caused me to fail the smog test. I did not cry, but it was touch-and-go for a little while.

You might not need to revive the side ponytail, but do you mind if I do?
I'm thinking of throwing a kicky little headband in the mix, too!

u crack me up. :)

Haiku for Laurie's Carma:

Bad husband. Bad air.
Ancient Pham, human kendi.
Wheel turns. Good air. Hugs.

Laurie, you an I would get along just fine. Inappropriate hugs and 'did she just say what I think she just said' moments and all.

Fortunately, my coworkers think the somewhat strange, quirky statements that pop out of my mouth are a sign of "genius".

I do not disabuse them of the notion.

Laurie, whenever I am in The Valley (not all that often) I think "Maybe I will see Laurie" especially if I am at a 7-11 or Target, etc. (There are about a gazillion of both of those stores in The Valley, right?)I think that if I ever DID run into you in real life that I would probably hug you and blabber my head off, and certainly I'd do jazz hands and you would laugh at me. You see? We are ALL peculiar at pretty much the same sorts of times. I never did hug the smog guy, though....Pham must have thought he died and went to heaven!

BTW, I finished my beautiful kitty pi (pie?) last night and it is drying in the sun as I write. There may be a battle to see which of the 6 gets to use it first - Simon (my defective kitty) was curled up in it even before I felted it! It is quite lovely - even though by using the Kureyon I could have bought 6 regular fleece beds! Ah well, it is knit with love!

Oh sister, am I fantastic at the social awkwardness. I could probably win an award for it. I hug people all the damned time, it's just the way it is.

This is probably a really stupid question, but what are "jazz hands"? In my defense, I'm writing from Canada, so maybe we call them "polar hands" or something.

Help! Anyone? Bueller?

MWAHAHAHA!!! :)
I'd hug you! Too Much!

My blathering bothers me more than my hugging.

I can't have a brief conversation with my supervisors, I have to go off on tangents, repeating statements several times for emphasis, making faces, gesturing, miming actions (such as rolling my eyes and tossing papers in the air for frustrations sake). I know I'm rambling, I'm getting all red in the face b/c I'm embarrassed but I can't STOP.

Leslie, jazz hands are when you hold your hands out with your fingers spread apart, and then you kind of wave your hands back and forth like "Ta da!"

Laurie, I wish you worked with me! I have done jazz hands in a meeting. Everyone in the conference room just stared at me. Luckily, the meeting was over, so I just got up and left.

Dearling, add me to all those ahead of me: i love you, you're precious, and hugging is a good thing. It's a sad state when it can be misinterpreted or thought "inappropriate". When I'm giving school kids tours at our Museum, sometimes they hug ME, and I give them a little squeeze back, in spite of being told that's a no-no. Any teacher can tell you sometimes that's the only hugs the tykes get. For petessakes....Glad to hear about the car, and yeah, Pham will be glowing for a week. (Gretchen - keep knitting! I'm on kitty pi #2, and they're amazingly popular!)

I love that you write what I feel like most of the time. I could just hug you! My major problem is my mouth. I just yammer on at the most awkward times. In my head I am saying, 'shut up, shut up, shut up.' on the outside I am blathering on. Fortunately at work they allow me to be quirky and keep me in the attic when strangers enter the office :-)

Bless your heart, hun, you are suffering from that insane southerners disease. I can say this with some confidence because I am a southerner, born and bread in Tennessee and now residing in the land of Mississippi. I in fact am also awkward and a huggy type person and can become quite emotional when the situation is not calling for such emotions. Understand that your southern breeding is very hard to shake but bless your heart you do try, don't you.
Keep up the good work and let me know if you ever get all this under control I would love to know how!!

I don't frequently give inappropriate hugs (I'm more of a non-hugger-type person), but when I do, I do them BIG. 3 days into my new job, my new boss who I barely know makes sort of a gesture at me that seems like he's going for a kinda sideways, one-arm hug, but I'm not entirely sure, but I'm afraid to guess wrong so I go for the hug and then, as I see the strange expression on his face realize that I have, indeed, guessed wrong whereupon I immediately start blushing and stammering something about needing to run to the restroom (yeah, THAT was the most brilliant thing I could think of to say) and I bolt outta there. Six months later, I still work here, but I'm sure he's gotten a lot of mileage out of telling everyone about his new, "weird" assistant.

Next time I think I'll just stick with the jazz hands and accidentally mentioning porn.

KJ

So glad the Jeep passed the test.

Oh, and as far as the inappropriate hugging -- I'd work on nixing the jazz hands first!

Congrats on passing the smog test! I don't think we have those in the NWT yet... I'm sure most vehicles here would fail :S

My BF and I just booked our trip to Australia and we have a 12 hour (!) layover in LA... Any advice? Leaving the airport probably isn't a good idea but hanging around for 12 hours in an airport doesn't seem all that thrilling either... Yikes...

P.S. It's OK about the hugging and the jazz hands... I'm the weird one at work too :P

You know what, Laurie? I'm going to give three random people jazz hands today. I'm in your posse. Solidarity!

Now that you're taking the 30 minute walks at lunch, I'm hoping I'll run into you someday when I'm visiting my LA office. Promise not to hug.

That one doesn't count toward the three.

I once inappropriately hugged a boss when I quit a job. He put his arms out as if to say "oh well," but I took it as "hug me." Man, that was awkward.

Also, I rear-ended a woman on the highway because I was talking on my cell phone and crying because I this guy (who incidentally worked with the guy I hugged) who was 18 years older than me had told me he didn't want to date me, just sleep with me. Anyway, I rear-ended this woman, and she was fine, and her car was only a little scratched and her dog was okay and when she saw that I was crying she hugged me. How great is that...I hit her and she hugs me :-)

I say inappropriate things too Laurie. I'm leaving small, totally crazy and completely unprofessional law firm to go to work for way big, fancy law firm at the beginning of February. I was speaking with the HR director at my future employer and she told me on the first day I will have orientation, followed by my welcome lunch and then go through training. I might have gasped and said "OMG y'all are all professional and crap. I've never even received a handbook here". I'm sure she now thinks I'm going to fit right in with the "professional" part of their firm.

hee. I put a

*jazz hands*

in my comment but it didn't show up, because I encased it in those greater-than, less-than symbols (which I would call inequalities, but then I'd out myself as a math dork.)

Anyway, my comment would have made sense. Swear.

you have to support business run by such characters! in virginia, they do an annual safety inspection, and the guy that does mine is jim, who owns shorty's (but i don't know who shorty is) he carries an un-concealed weapon, and i always let him keep the change to feed the stray kitties in his yard- he's got about 2 dozen. he has a couple of raccoons that think they're kitties, too, it's so bizarre. and yes, the shop is within the city limits. but it's a backwards city.

Thanks for your comforting story. Comforting because I can relate to this (except for maybe the jazz hands.)

So can I give you an inappropriate hug? Thanks for the laugh.

Well, using CAP's blog as a springboard; If ya'll would like to hug a hot sexy Vietnamese guy in Washington State... Have I got one for you! And, yes please do bring your laundry for his washboard abs!

Jazz hands. I like that. I don't even have cool names for the things I do, I figure I am a geek and well, maybe no one will notice.

I thought my family were "non-huggers" but turns out it was my mom. My husband hugs me and our son but doesn't want anyone else in his personal space.
I am a notorious "space invader".
So what did your boss say and or do?? It probably just made him laugh. That's not nearly as bad as the girl I worked with that gave a minister that came into the bank regularly a REALLY dirty joke to read while he waited.

There is indeed such a thing as an inappropriate hug - but not yours - of course...the inappropriate ones are from the weird guy in the elevator who just wants to thank you for smiling at him because it made his whole day, etc. etc. etc.

you know, i find it hard to believe that you're pathologically shy.

by the way, my husband jokingly wonders if i'm autistic because i don't like to be touched. in general.

my sister in law who works with autistic children claims that i am not, as i do make eye contact. ;)

I had to get my car smog checked earlier this month. It didn't pass - okay, it FAILED! - and I was only a little ashamed by my poor car's shortcomings.

That same day I took the car to my local mechanic (not a 100-year-old guy in a cowboy hat, sadly, but a very kind middle-aged Thai man who offered me Kleenex when I started crying in front of him when I was so frustrated about my car some time ago - look at how I can cry inappropriately, too!), who, upon my telling him that the car failed (!) its smog check, said, 'Here's what you do. Drive it around for ten to fifteen minutes, THEN go back and re-test. Your car needs to be warmed up first.' He didn't lay one finger on my car or anything.

And you know what? It TOTALLY WORKED. My car passed!

Laurie, you make me laugh so hard. Thank you. Hey, as long as you're not hugging weird guys on the subway, you're ok, right?

Group Hug!!!

Laurie, you are precious. I want to hug you every day.

I don't hug all the time, but sometimes, if someone seems to need one, I hug them whether we know each other well or not. It's like cramming love down the Gullet of the Universe. Awkward, but ultimately for the greater good.

My chiropractor hugs every client after every adjustment. I assume it must be an immune booster.

Speaking of awkward, I'm growing my hair out. When it gets long enough, I think I'll put it in a side ponytail. I didn't have the moxie to do it in Jr. High, but I've accumulated some since then.

PLEASE revive the side ponytail. My hair is short right now and it would prevent me from personally participating but not personally giggling inapropriately.

I'm so glad you passed the smog test. And that you told us this wonderful story that had me weeping with laughter.

*inappropriate hugging**
I almost forgot - if Pham was 4 inches shorter than you & you hugged him....where did his face end up?? I think I might know why you got that discount!
*jazz hands*

You remind me of Bridget Jones--the girl who does everything "wrong" but somehow gets it right in the end. : )

Great story. You really do inappropriately hug. We don't check for smog in Ohio but I'm sure my son would love to service your car. So it's you guys responsible for global warming?

http://collectingmythoughts.blogspot.com/2006/12/3312-friday-family-photo-our-fifth.html

I'm with ya, sister. Things just pop out of my mouth and I have no clue how inappropriate they are until I realize everyone is staring at me in disgust. For example, we have a rat in our office (believe me, all 'rats in the office' jokes have been exhausted) and in sharing our various rat stories, I chimed in about a friend's pet rat with balls the size of cantelopes. This is a VERY laid back place but this anecdote was greeted with 'icky faces'. I felt like the world's biggest dummy!

I read a quote the other day that seems perfect for you today! (basically)"Be yourself. Everybody else is taken." :)

Okay, from on inappropriate hugger to another - what are "jazz hands"?

I am glad your car passed it's smog exam! I am sure the environment thanks you!!

As long as you didn't do the jazz hands, darlin', everything's good.

This reminds me of the time I inappropriately poke/tickled the president of my alma mater at an alumni event. Speaking of horrified...

We have state inspections every year in Texas and every other year we have to have an emissions test. Is that the same as a smog test?

I LOVE your inappropriate comments! They're funny and make my day! Me, I can't talk comfortably unless I know someone really, really well. I just can never think of anything to say or when I do I'm too shy to say it.

Speaking of hugs, awhile back I read a columnist in the Fort Worth paper who is originally from the northeast write that she was uncomfortable with the Southern habit of *hugging* here and didn't like it. How's that for biting the hand that feeds you?

I inappropriately hugged a library patron a few weeks ago. I've worked here for 6 years, so I know some people pretty well, but perhaps not well enough for a hug. When she's signing up for the knitting class.

Oh, and SIDE PONYTAIL oh my god. I sported the side ponytail back in the day and loved every minute of it!!. (But let's not bring it back quite yet.)

When I lived in Guadalajara it took about a week to get accustomed to getting kissed often and by women who knew how (me encantan las tapatias). It's just part of the culture and I loved it!

Of course, there were those awkward moments when I would kiss a lady and then realize that I didn't actually know her and that's called "inappropriate kissing hello"... I got away with it because I was the goofy gringo...

Sorry, I already commented but I just remembered a hugger story. My gyno hugs me every year after she has just invaded my nether regions. (Don't worry, she takes the gloves off first. Ewwww I can't believe I just said that.) You would think that would be a most inappropriate hug but oddly enough it doesn't ick me out at all. Because really? When else do you need a hug like you do after going through that?

Just join the "free hugs" campaign (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4) and you'll never be inappropriate again!

I hugged our office mail-guy yesterday. It was his birthday, so it wasn't totally inappropriate. But as I hugged him, I suddenly became super-conscious of my breasts, and then I got all awkward and whatnot.

I also mentioned my need for a new sports bra to my boss.

You can pull me out of the library anytime -- especially for a story that involves a tiny little man in a cowboy hat being very pleased that he didn't make you cry. I bet he was happy he got a hug.

Sometimes, hugs and jazz hands are just called for, etiquette be damned.

Nothing worse than wanting a hug and not having anyone to hug. I got a new job today and wanted to hug somebody. Nobody but me around so I hugged myself. *LOL*

FWIW, I love getting hugs. The world would be a better place if more people were willing to hug and be hugged.

Oh, I'm a TOTAL hugger. And also quite socially awkward. For some reason, your story about hugging Faith at inappropriate times reminded me of when Wilman and I had first moved to Philly, and were walking past a restaurant with outdoor seating when someone started calling my name. It turned out to be a girl I'd known in college (down in FLORIDA, a million gazillion miles from Philadelphia) and I got all excited and hugged her a lot and announced, "ooh! Sorry I just grabbed your boob! I haven't turned into a compulsive boob-grabber or anything!". And although she asked for my phone number and said we "must" hang out...I never heard from her again. Wilman is convinced it is because I hugged her too much. And grabbed her boob by accident. Hrmph.

I seriously believe that you are the CUTEST and SWEETEST little person in the universe!! I, too, was born with a house slipper from Jamesway in my mouth and usually say the wrong thing at exactly the wrong time. I call it having a sense of humor, but my family usually disagrees. I've been talking to my kids about sex since they were young (there's no such thing as too little info when it comes to sex!) but usually at the dinner table, walking around the supermarket or while the grandparents were around!! I talk about politics in mixed company, racism when with bigots and women's issues when with misogynists.

I've gotten waaaaay more inappropriate as I age so thank God I don't have a boss!!

I'm with Neil - I think you made Pham's day and he has been bragging to his friends ever since about getting hugs from "the blonde hottie in the Jeep"!!! Who could top that?!

I'm a hugger, too. And I'm, ahem, A LARGE PERSON so you know you've been hugged. Probably inappropriately sometimes, as well.

Your hugging is not weird. It is part of your charm. Remember that. And it sounds like you made smog guy's day!

Ah yes, Awkward Boss Moments. At my second-to-last day at my job, the much hated new puppet-dictator of our division made a prefunctory and not-at-all welcome appearance at my Farewell party (really- he was so unpopular that we almost scheduled the party as a private "exit interview" just to keep his slimy self away- the man was dreadful.).
He was politely tolerated, but when he left the party cheered up considerably and a few of my co-workers started to make err...unflattering comments about him...and HE WALKED BACK IN JUST THEN!!!! There was silence...and then everyone just busted out laughing (yeah, he inspired THAT much respect) and I had to go make myself the focus of his embarrassed wrath my hilariously saying, "Well, John, it's awful nice of you to supply the entertainment!" He gt his revenge by finding a technical flaw in my paperwork and making Human resources re-do it. ALL of it.
Maybe I shoulda hugged him?

Laurie,

You never fail to crack me up!! I am always "no-touchy" but I think I could let you hug me if we ever met cause you are cute and funny!! I mean that in a girly-non-lesbian way!! LOL - BTW what is a "smog" test?

I had to look up "jazz hands" in the Urban Dictionary. How lame is that?

God, you make me laugh! I'm pretty huggy myself, but I honestly cannot remember the last time I did jazz hands!

I'm called the Hug Whore for a reason. If I've met you oh, once, I hug you. Some times often.

Of course, I'm cute enough that it is cute, not freaky, and the boyfriend in the background really helps keep it not creepy.

But anyway, yay hugs!

I'm going to restate something that was said above just because I'm wondering (plus it sounds mysterious enough)... what is a "smog test?"

I'm excited because when you publish a book (which I encourage you to do) I'll be able to say that I posted on your blog!

You probably made Pham's day...and your boss probably appreciated the compliment.

A smog test is when your car's tailpipe emissions get tested with a special piece of equipment to find out how much that car is polluting. In California and some other states, you have to get your emissions tested every year. The emissions control gadgets on cars in California are tempermental and expensive to fix, so it's a bitch if you fail.

A smog test is an emissions test on your car, so they can make polluting cars go get fixed. They send you a notice with your registration renewal, and if you don't pass, you can't get your sticker for your tags. You have to go get your car fixed so it passes the smog test and then go get re-tested, and then you can pay your registration.

Most people out here call it "getting your car smogged" and they have smog check stations all over the place.

It was a mystery to me, too, when I moved out here!

Quote from Terri Hatcher on Desperate Housewives when someone called her crazy:
"Yes, but I'm ADORABLE crazy!"

That's what I say now when someone calls me crazy. You're adorable crazy, too!

And what the hell are "jazz hands?"

Jill, we were simul-posting!! LOL

Jazz hands are, as -R- said above, "when you hold your hands out with your fingers spread apart, and then you kind of wave your hands back and forth like 'Ta da!'"

By the way now when I picture -R-, I picture her doing Ta-Da jazz hands!

I'm a Southerner AND I have Asperger's. Talk about inappropriate!

hugs!

http://www.freehugs.org/

But what it does it MEAN when you make jazz hands at someone?

I am a hugger too. I was shocked the first time I offended someone. And then I felt awful for having to resist the urge to hug. I should hug you now.

I'm torn on hugs, really. Used to have a female piano teacher who loved to hug, and I still remember sinking into her *huge* bosom, struggling to breathe. OTOH, I had a male piano teacher who liked to hug, as well. And to kiss. On the mouth. With pipe breath, ewwww! Until his wife found out and put a stop to that.

Thanks for the definition of jazz hands! Not a clue here.

OH MY at the cost of your emissions test! It's 7 bucks here in middle TN. I always find myself driving out of there realizing I'd held my breath!

Help me...what are Jazz Hands?

I finally broke down and went to Wikipedia and looked up jazz hands.

I love you! You make me feel normal. (It's a big job. I have 10 more years of experience at awkward than you do!)

I love jazz hands!! We should be friends. (Don't worry, I'm not crazy... at least not in a bad way!) I continue to love your stories. Thanks for giving me something to laugh about!

I picture Pham going to home to equally tiny Mrs. Pham and chuckling about the blonde lady who hugged him. Pham seems like an okay guy who would appreciate a hug! (Yes, I seem to have created a Pham backstory...)

I'm not sure what "jazz hands", I can only imagine. I too have the problem with inappropriate hugging and hysterical crying on occasion. And no matter how bad the situation. PLEASE refrain from bringing back the side ponytail. NOTHING is that bad.

I'm an inappropriate hugger too. Don't fret. I hug total strangers all the time, it's funny too. More people appreciate it than you think because I think it proves that you've somewhat got your guard down. As for the jazz hands, I use that a lot. My boy cracks up over it too. People, while creeped out by the jazz hands, find it amusing about 95% of the time. Yay for that!!

Oh yeah, and I'm glad you didn't cry this time. I shall eat a cookie in your honour...or something like that. Yeah...**over the internet hugs for you....from Ohio**

Just for the record, I do jazz hands ALL the time and I'm totally proud of my nerdiness.

Also, I was at a fancy dress event recently where I was in what I call schmooze-mode (smiling, playing the proud, supportive wife) and I realized that one of the security guys for the party works security at my building. He is young and kind of cute so I went over to him to say hello and accidentally gave him a kiss on each cheek. I was so in schmooze-mode that I couldn't help myself. It was totally awkward, let me tell you. I think I really freaked him out, in addition to weirding out all the people at the party that I was schmoozing up a security guard.

I am an inappropriate hugger too. I inappropriately hugged the IT manager yesterday. He got all flummoxed, turned tomato red and put a great deal of distance between us. I was pretty embarrasssed. But it won't be a deterrent, I'm a touchy-feely person in general. And I forget that not everyone wants me to violate their personal space....I tend to think hugging is a *charming* trait.
Congrats for not crying over your smog test! (I would have cried anyway just because the car passed!)

Laurie, if I ever have the good fortune to meet you, you may hug me until your arms fall off. Which may be more difficult than you might think, as I will be hugging YOU until MY arms fall off.

I used to be a cashier (15 years ago) at a grocery store. They had a policy about hiring baggers/cart gatherers who might not be employable elsewhere. I mean, some were just high school kids, but there were also a few who were slow learners or mentally retarded. For the most part, it was a great job, especially because of April, who would stop bagging in the middle of an order and come over and hug me - inappropriately, and for no good reason.

Hugs make the world go 'round and if people gave out more random hugs, we could probably attain world peace.

Oh my goodness. Your post made me start laughing out loud at the first line and had me crying I was laughing so hard by the end.

Considering I just took my husband to the airport to spend a month in Baghdad, and I'm 33 weeks pregnant with a 19-month-old toddler, there is nothing I needed more.

Thank you so much.

Hugs!

I'm not sure there is ever an occassion where jazz hands aren't appropriate.

Honey, you are from the south. Hugging total strangers is encoded in your DNA. Right next to knowing how to fry chicken, make biscuits and use the winch on your Jeep.

Remember: if all the world did jazz hands, no one would be making a fist. Jazz hands are the key to peace and harmony. Jazz on, girl, jazz on!

Ginny, you have a 19-month old toddler in your tummy??? :o)

Just kidding.

It has been a very long day at work. And that really made me laugh! Have a good time hugging people. We all need a hug!

"I'm 33 weeks pregnant with a 19-month-old toddler"

wow, Ginny, that's some big baby!! ouch!

I laughed out loud through the whole of that post Laurie - and I'm at work in Formal Corporation Ltd too! You are brilliant. Too funny! x

OMG.....Preggers with a 19 month toddler - Now I'm LOTFLMAO! Good thing I work from home.

Laurie, your postings always at least bring a smile, but it's cool how it attracts some very interesting and hysterically funny people too.

LaurA

How can a hug ever be inappropriate? Don't change!

I love your blog, and gotta tell ya. I like to learn something every day. This day it was first thing, when I opened your blog. JAZZ HANDS was new for me. Googled it, and learned something .... early, and with a chuckle. Thank you.

oh man. seriously hilarious stuff in here, doncha know. I'll chime in with another "I'm an awkward inappropriate hugger, too!" (maybe we should make t-shirts and buttons? start a club?) and a couple comment-to-the-boss stories too.

I just started as a temp at my first "real" office -- granted the office is a way hip startup and practically everyone there is under 30 (as I am, though I am the youngest) and at a Friday happy hour event I sat next to the CEO and slurred at him "but Joe, what do you actually DO? I mean I know you are the CEO, but what do you DO?" yeah. that was awkward. Not nearly as awkward as my birthday when I invited people to see olde tyme porne and I stood up after the movie (it was supposed to be charming! it really wasn't though. I guess hardcore means hardcore no matter when it was made >_<), turned around, and saw one my bosses sitting right behind me. He had decided to take me up on the open invitation. yeah. I just about died. I'll bet no hugs were as awkward as that moment when I weakly said "oh hi George....." Shockingly, they haven't fired me yet!

Smog tests are new to me--we have no such thing in Virginia. "They" just freak us out on the really hot, humid summer days by telling us we're under yellow or red ozone alerts. In our ignorance, we just assume that means we'll die if we go outside, so we stay in the A/C and pour another sweetened iced tea.

If it makes you feel any better, Laurie, if I ever had the opportunity to meet you in person, I would totally hug you. And I'm not usually a huggy-type person.

Keep spreadin' the love. :-)

You are so me and I am so you. We were born with out filters and I am just a freak.
Yikes!!!
your clone

This reminds me of when I inappropriately hugged my obstetrician. (We were both clothed! That could have been such an awkward bit of writing ...). Needless to say, my checkups were uncomfortable after that. I was kinda relieved that he was on vacation when I went into labour, even though that meant that my baby was delivered by residents and I now have a huge, jaggedy red c-section scar (18 months later, it's still red).

You're not strange; you're just in a strange land. You hug because you are Southern. Its just something we do. They don't hug as much in LA (remember this is the land of the air kiss). I lived in Orange County for a little over a year and had the same problem. Maybe you should transfer back to the South. We'd love to have you back!

There are several impermutable laws of the universe. The fist law of the universe is that you can always find a rerun of Law & Order. The second is that southern girls hug. Honestly, I think a lot of people like it, because everyone is so cautious, physically, in this day and age. WHich is not always a bad thing, but spontaneous hugging can be a really nice thing. ( As a fellow southern girl, I do it too. In the Pacific NW. So I am fish out of water, too).
But I refuse to believe that people are not incredibly fond of you. You have been writing this for 2 years (?) and we adore you. I think the people you know in real life do to, you just don't realize it.

Pham must have "retired" to CA, or else he has a twin because a man who fits your exact description checked MY car in CO last year. I kid you not, exact same guy. I didn't hug or cry but I do admit that those loud garages are quite emotional for some reason. I love the idea of taking thoseguys goodies, though. They are a crusty bunch.

Jazz hands. Sideponytail. I heart your brand of crazy! Viva la Crazy Aunt Pearl.

You don't need control. You're an artist!

OK, this post saved me $11!! Mr. CTK did my smog test but I'd forgotten to do the payment, but your post reminded me to dig out the bill and pay online. If I hadn't paid today, the cost would have gone up 11 buck.

Woo hoo for CAP!! Virtual hugs to you.

I'm socially awkward too.
I don't hug unless someone does it first and I always do it the same way so if the other person leans in the same I have a big awkward moment of trying to lean the other way...which usually doesn't work. Strangely enough this doesn't apply to my children who I'm constantly trying to get hugs out of.

i think that you and i might be related some how. i am constantly inappropriately hugging people...no jazz hands though, but maybe i could encorporate that into my repetroir???

there are lots of things that you write about that i completely relate to! it's nice to know that i'm not alone in the universe...

Priceless. You made me laugh. I needed that so much today. Thank you.

Okay, I'm also a transplanted southerner living in the LA area, but don't hug inappriately. However, yesterday I inappropriately high-fived the bank teller. But really, I was so excited because he fixed it so that our home equity check would clear in time for us to pay the roofers that are coming to fix our roof on Monday. If he hadn't made the check clear, we wouldn't be able to pay the roofer. So, I thought he deserved a high-five. It was very awkward, because he thought I was trying to shake his hand -- which would have been more appropriate behavior for this 43 year old woman.

Wow... I came across your blog from the bloggies nomination... And you are an INSTANT favorite. You practically had me pissin in my pants...

Jazz Hands... innapropriate hugging... YOU ROCK...

If I went back to work my caveat would be "does Miss CAP work here? Yes? OK, I accept the offer".

Jazz Hands, inappropriate hugging, snakesonaplane, all that just ROCKS.

The last place I worked I'd say hi to someone in the morning and they would act like I asked them to strip naked or something, they were that socially awkward (hint: company name starts with an M...you use it's products everyday on your computer...sigh..you think YOU are socially awkward? no...socially awkward is those poor souls that couldn't take someone smiling and saying "hi!" in the morning...)

"Funky fresh, dressed to impress, ready to party."

MC Lyte?

I love how you gave your boss jazz hands. I hope he appreciated it. Because MC Lyte + jazz hands = Coolness par excellence.

I tend to say insanely inappropriate things too. One day at the stitch'n'bitch I just had to announce to the whole group that I was a smoker. A Smoker. I said it loud and I said it proud. I have no idea why though. After the words were out of my mouth I tried to crawl into a little ball of invisibility. It didn't work.