Next you'll have to ask, "Are you gay?"

I'm serious.

PS What an ASS!

Oh GOD! What next? "Excuse me sir, but are you in fact a real man? Do you have an innie or an outie?" Sorry to hear of this crackpot, Laurie. Man, makes me want to delve further into my hermitage.

Can't believe I'm first! What a jerk! Years and years ago (back in the college days) I read "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex" and it had some of the best information. The parts I remember are "Don't date a man who parts his hair in the middle" and "Don't feed a man a heavy, creamy, meaty meal and expect any action." I think it's still in print. Good luck and stick to your guns.

OH wow.... that is simply unbelievable! Sheesh... leave it to a man to see something like that as YOUR fault.

Oh, Laurie! What a jackass. Honestly - he got mad because you called him on a lie? Never mind jackass, he might be psychopathic.

What an asshole. Five months and no mention of his other 2 wives??? I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I feel sorry for his child.

It reminds me of Ross on Friends; you know "I don't want to be the one with the three divorces!!"

Are you doing okay?

Dear Gawd, I had this happen to me way back in my college days of dating. First he had a kid. Then he had two kids. Then I caught on, and asked him point blank if he was married or not. Him: "Well yeah, but I told you that, right?"

Uh... NO, NO YOU DIDN'T.

And he STILL persisted. Men are a mystery to me. I'm sorry you had to get one of the lying ones. :(

HAHAH! I'm so glad that Liz mentioned the Friends episode! I almost did, but I was afriad of being the only one who got it.

Quel asshole!

Why are their brains so teeny tiny that they can't tell the difference between what's important information and what isn't? i.e. we don't need to know everything in the world about poker chips, but we do need to know their honest-to-goodness-technically-yes-on-paper-I'm-married marital status.

Pinheads.

Holy Mother of God. I thought I'd heard it all. See you broke your own rule -- you shouldn't have put him in your cell phone.

You know, it might not be such a bad idea to have a private detective on retainer. Just sayin'.

But might I also add that I'm about as proud of you as I can be for reamin' him out. Too funny, that he was getting mad at YOU for getting caught. What a baby. Phewwww! Lesson learned, huh? Just painful to learn that way, ain't it?

Thanks for sharing with the likes of us, just a bunch of strangers who appreciate your livin' out loud.

Oh, Laurie, I'm so sorry, but thank goodness you found out sooner rather than later.

For what it's worth (and that's not much) there are many women who would not find it a problem that he was neither formally separated or divorced. It would be a big problem for me, because that's who I am, but believe me, a lot of women just don't care.

He is a first class jerk, and good riddance I say.

Some men just aren't worth it.

That's one thing that never changes about men, whether they're 5 or 50 - they get mad when they are wrong and they know it.

I'm sorry that it happened.

It's things like this that make me even more afraid to go out and meet guys.

I hope you are okay and can revel in the hilarity of him thinking you were wrong to point out his HUGE lie.

I'm sorry, I laughed too. His wife #3 probably moved out because she was tired of listening to him talk to his girlfriends.

So sorry, Laurie. This sounds like one of those outrageous things that could only happen to you, except it happened to me too. No kids involved, thank god. He told me when we started dating that he was divorced, but not until we were on the verge of breaking up (because he was cheating on me) did he think to mention that he had been divorced 3 times. So not only do you need to ask married or divorced, but you have to ask how many times? Soured me on men for a long, long time.

ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry... I'm laughing! I know I shouldn't be, because what he did to you is so horrible... but... LOL!!!!!!!!!!!! Men are UMBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Really!

Good luck with the next one, girl...

Shall we come up with a "pre-date Questionnaire"?

Or maybe even a 1st date check-list of things to go over during dinner...lord knows we could all use one in the scary dating world...

Thank you for cheering up my evening in lab. (I'm sorry you had to suffer for my amusement, though.)

I just LOVE it when people get mad at you for calling them on their lies...silly, silly man.

Well, as everyone else has said...good riddance...even if it's not "first date conversation" it's definitely warranted by the time you'd gone out a few times...maybe the same time you talked about being divorced???

Reminds me of someone I know, whose husband sat her down on a Friday night to announce he was having a cyberaffair and would be moving out of the master bedroom into the guest room. Tells the online GF that he's told his wife about affair. Over the course of a few hours OLGF breaks it off with him because she didn't want to break up his home.

He then comes back downstairs in the small hours of the morning, and wakes up wife, expecting sympathy from her that OLGF has dumped him and how horrible he feels that OLGF would do that. (OLGF took him back later by the way)

It took awhile (more than a year) but wife is now divorcing him, for that and more reasons. He can't figure out why, though.

Find the book Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft. Excellent book about the mindset of these folks and how to recognize when you've got one of them.

Good grief! I had a relative pulling something similar: he's twice divorced and and advertising himself online as never married (among other lies) and when his much-provoked mother called him on it, he got so mad at HER that he didn't speak to her for 6 months. And called her every name in the book.
It's all mind-boggling, isn't it? It'll catch up to him and kick him in the butt someday.

At least you found out his dirty secrets before you got even more serious. With my Mr. X, it was, "Why didn't you tell me this stuff before we were married?" His answer: "Because if I had, you wouldn't have married me."

Well. Duh. That's kinda the point.

Dude, that sucks royally. I'm really sorry you had to deal with that *hit.

ps. Poor Jilette. Being raised by a major jerk.

Whoo hooo! You tell him girl.

I'll bet that he has done this stunt before and I'll bet that other women have apologized when faced with his angry response. Good on you for standing your ground and keeping your perspective.

The nerve of that man!

But you know, I really feel sorry for his daughter....

I'm laughing. (Not with you, apparently, but laughing anyhow.) I believe it may be with incredulity. I am so glad I shall never ever date again ...

And I'm so sorry this happened. (Seemingly I'm not a complete bitch after all.)

Oh. Gawd.

Unfortunately, all too common these days. Heaven knows, it happens to more and more of us too. Re-reading some past blog entries points that out to the 'chick too - she's encountered some doozies.

Keep the faith, darlin' - there are normal ones out there but it sure does take some digging to find them!

Nice of him to waste your last five months! I feel for ya Laurie... this dating crap sucks! Keep the faith.

And those are the "charmers" that give the nice guy a bad name and make women not trust men.

And he's mad at YOU, sheesh, what a self-centered loser, sorry you invested 5 months of time in him, but good thing your radar clicked in!

and he probably never wore a wedding band when he WAS married (although he still is). what a jerk. i feel sorry for his little girl. god knows what she sees parading through the living room on a regular basis.

Oh, what a horrible, f*cked up man. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. And it's big of you to have called him Jack and not put his full name, photo, and address, and any other personal details you might have up. I might be inclined to temporarily forget Karma and be a little vengeful.

Oh Laurie-
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!
I think of the times I would have shrunk when a man got mad at me for calling him on being an ass-and you did the best-ever thing to get back at him-YOU LAUGHED!
Really- the very-tip-top shrink ever to write about fears, says that a man's WORST fear in dating is that a woman will laugh at him. So hey babe- you GOT HIM!!

By the way- the way I dated in LA and rooted out asses as much as possible was to internet date and spend time on a single women's board where we had a chat thread SOLEY about internet dating. We traded tips about profile writing, and most important: OUTED any jerks who lied or mass-mailed seemingly charmingly gosh-golly intro letters to every new girl on the site each month.

Actually, one thing I always did that seemed to work nicely was to state FIRMLY and EMPHATICLY at the end of my profile that
"Absolutely no "married", "discreet" or "seperated". Please don't contact me unles you've been comepletely divorced for at least a year and have gotten your emotional issues sorted and filed."-- I had pretty good luck with that.
It's as close to directly asking "So, are you a lying cheating sack of shit or not?" without sounding combative.

and some day, some girl is gonna settle for that.

it's sad. keep trying, there have got to be better men out there.

Think of his next wedding. "No, no, this time I ***REALLY*** mean it. Till death do us part! Absolutely!"

And lauuuuuuugh.

OHGOD.

Passing you the Chardonnay........

Toasting your good sensibilities..........

You rock.

omg - I hope that you're laughing with us so that we can be laughing with you!!!
You're well shot of him Laurie - and I raise my Mike's to you for heeding your intuition and bringing the matter to the fore.

Don't think of this as another episode of creep slithers into girl's heart and steps on it, think of it as a year ago, you would have curled up in a ball with a pile o' cats and cried and drunk. You stood up for yourself. You gave him at least a tiny bit of the hell he so richly deserves. Your gut said "I'm better than this shit!"

You go, girl.

OMG!! What a total friggin' jackass!! I hope you hadn't gotten him anything for Christmas. Or maybe you should send him a lump of coal.

hmmmm

MY post was just now displayed under "JEN"....
Jen is lovely..'cause I checked out her site....

but it's not Jillieofthevalley's post.

it's voodoo

Hmmm.

I sum up MY history on the first date.
Prolly why SECOND dates are few and far between.

whoa!!!!!!!!!!!

Someone else's post came in under MY name just now!!

We have a ghostie, me tinks...........

is anyone else having trouble posting under their own name here???

So far, my three posts have come in under three different names!!!!!!!!!!!!!

woo

Oh Laurie, I'm so sorry! I'm glad that you weren't further into the relationship and found that out! I've been in a similar situation, and further down the road, and at once, it's heartbreaking, when it's a seemingly nice guy. But yeah, when you find out that they aren't so nice, good riddance! It's not your fault, and I'm glad to see somebody around here has some morals! You go girl! :-) (High fives!)

okay

this is jillieofthevalley posting.
this is a .......test

What an ass and it's a good thing you don't have to waste another second of your time on him. Bleh. What's awesome is that you had the confidence to call him on the carpet on the whole thing. Go you!

laurie...

you have a ghost..

or a hacker..

or I'm over-toddied and imagining this.

This was Jillie's post........

another test.

Jillie - they are coming through as your posts, your name appears under each one.

Then I have a ghost in my 'puter.

As I'm reading it.........each of my (what...five, maybe six) posts...are showing up under different names.

woo

I'm haunted

sorry...

it IS strange.......

Congrats on catching him out on his teetiny peni...lie. Men don't like being called out on their teetiny peni...lies. ;)

Oh Laurie, you have hereby been awarded the Awesomeness Prize of the Week for telling that guy where to stick it. Jeebus, what a dweeb.

p.s. Jillie are you sure you're reading it right? Your name goes *under* your post, not above it. Otherwise the ghostie is definitely in your computer.

jillie, you're going to be *blushing* when you figure this out. *hug*

and laurie, GOOD FOR YOU. i mean, bad for the five months, but GOOD for you for calling him out and not letting him slither away from the obvious questions (like i probably would).

xo

Face it. Men are swine. I try all the time to be genial and gracious, to have a good attitude, but I get burned over and over, and I read stories like yours, and I can't help but think that there is just something very, very wrong with men. All of 'em.

Men SUCK! My X was sniffing around me again not too long ago. I was curious. I entertained a few thoughts about another chance. We had dinner a few times, he helped with the storm windows and such, and he seemed like he'd really grown up (finally). I asked if he was seeing anyone. He said he wasn't. I believed him. A week later, I'm getting my hair done. His sister is my hairdresser. She happens to mention that his NEW GF reminds her of me. I said "WHAT new gf?"

..."Oh, you didn't know? I just assumed he'd told you."

Apparently the "nobody" he's NOT dating has been seeing him for several months. And, she knows all about ME. Isn't *that* interesting?

Men suck men suck men suck.

Laurie, I so feel for you. This is why cats are better than men. Good for you for ferreting out the true weasel!

What the heck? What a butt! I'm so sorry, but I had to come out of lurking for this post. I read you every time you post, but this one made me MAD so I had to de-lurk!

If you were still feeling bad, just read this cute Jillie in the comments here. Oh man, I'm laughing so dang hard right now that both kids came running to see what was so funny. I don't know why it struck me as so funny, but she's soooooo funny! Did I say funny enough? Dang Cutie!

Good luck to you. I know some single guys in San Diego who need a good girl like you, but alas, two weeks ago I moved to Denver. I'll keep my eyes open here. But, first I need to make some friends who know some single guys.

OH.MY.GOD!!!!! Holy moly! I am laughing and crying all at once. Can we say ALTERNATE REALITY? Too bad the delete button on the cell phone does not delete the ENTIRE episode? Hmmmm....Glad Drew was there for you.

"as calmly as possible when you perhaps want to reach through the phone and snatch someone baldheaded."

Comments like that are what make you my best imaginary-cyber friend :) I'm so glad you haven't spent any more time on this guy than you did, and this is by far the best response I've ever heard for such a screwed up situation.

Major props for rooting the situation out and for "Jack, you don't ALLOW a grown woman her feelings," that is SO TRUE. Good luck chickadee!

(btw, when I say "props" in real life, it sounds natural, I swear!)

"I'm sorry you had to get one of the lying ones. :("

You say that like there are NON-lying men. There aren't. Trust me.

Oh Sugar.... what can you do but roll with the punches... which you seem to do quite well. Men...

Well, I think you handled yourself real well with that guy. Good luck with the next one!

It could be worse.

I have a friend who got married, went out to a party with her husband three months later and met his wife. The woman he was still married to.

I have another friend who was married twice. The first one beat her up, the second one "only" beat her up emotionally.

After each divorce, she said "I'm never getting married again." And in both cases the ex said "Why not? What's wrong with you?"

Of course, the answer was that she didn't like to be abused.

There are some good men out there, but at least 99 percent of them are jerks, and I'm being very generous when I say that.

Laurie, may I also suggest that you report him here:
http://www.dontdatehimgirl.com/. Hopefully the next woman who considers dating him will do a Google search and find him there....

Shannon & Co., I hate to surprise you, but there are men who don't lie. We're happily married, productive members of society, so you tend not to notice us. And even when I wasn't dating, if a woman was with a man in public, she was "off limits". To do anything else would have been disrespectful.

Luarie, I dated a girl for 6 months. It was going great, or so I thought. But she kept making odd excuses as to why I couldn't meet her parents. Turned out she was engaged all that time!

Allowed you? Holy shite. Just think, if he hadn't had the lying thing going, you could've stuck with him longer without finding out how bloody arrogant he was, too!

But there are good ones out there... I didn't have a chance to ask the big questions. ;) He sat me down on our first real date (we'd been talking for several months at our mutual bus stops, then even more when we found out we worked at the same company), and told me the Story of His Life. Which as he was definitely the black sheep of his family, took several hours. He told me he'd never done that before, and it'd always screwed up, and he thought I could be important enough that he didn't want that to happen. So he figured he'd try getting it all out at the start. He didn't make excuses, he just laid everything out. And I took a chance and kept dating him.

We had 15 happy years - not without problems, is any marriage without problems? but it was good, even during bad times - and then he died on me. I'm so glad I didn't run after that first date! I know; I was lucky. But there's gotta be some more out there, somewhere.

I think the woman of today should require an questionnaire to be filled out by each man before dating, it would save a lot of trouble.
1. Are you married?
2. Are you gay?
3. Do you have an children?
4. Have you been in prison?
5. Do you have or have you had any STDs?
6. How is your relationship with your mother?
7. Have you named any of your body parts?
8. Are you willing to take a lie detector test?
9. Have you read a book?
.......you get the idea, I'm sure you could come up with a lot more (and more entertaining) questions.

Men are pigs. All of them.

I had almost the exact same experience. From that I learned how to ask the following questions:

1. Are you married?
2. Have you ever been married?
3. If yes, are you divorced?
4. If yes, may I please see a copy of the paperwork?

Of course, the guy I had been "dating" not only was married but had three children who I hadn't heard a peep about.

Oh, hon, that's criminal! False pretenses! We need to set up a website, like the FBI's top 50 most wanted but it would be women letting others know of the 50 most henious men. AVOID AT ALL COSTS!

Erica, there IS a website for that, it's dontdatehimgirl.com

Sadly, I think it's almost to the point where you can't just ask... you need to see the fine print (as in actual documentation).

Gawd, I hate dating.

jillie .....
It confused ME at first as well ... but ... your name appears UNDER the line while your POST appears ABOVE the line.

You would THINK that the posters name and the post itself would appear BETWEEN the lines ... together sorta' ... but NO ... the post is ABOVE the line ...the posters name is BELOW !
...sigh ~~~~~~

I don't think you need the book, I think you need to give it to your potencial dates. Make it manditory that they read it first, then they can be dated.

Good on your for standing up to yourself. There are more fish in the sea . . . you will eventually find one that will not leave a bad taste in your mouth.

Laurie,
In the spirit of "jerk victims unite" that's going on here, I'm going to have to de-lurk, even though lurking around your blog is one of my best morning pleasures :o).
You should be sooo proud of yourself! Not only did you tell this dimwit what's what, you also vindicated every woman out there who was once charmed by the jerk fairy, yet unable to react with your grace and ... laughter (I'm so happy about the laughter).
I once dated a totally single, utterly unattached man (he didn't even have a pet), who came to my house one night with a bottle of champagne telling me all starry-eyed that he had a big, wonderful surprise. I was thinking promotion, I was thinking new car, whatever, but nay, the surprise was that his ex-girlfriend (we are so over, darling) had just given birth to a healthy boy. He was a new daddy. And very surprised that I was not overjoyed.
He was out of the house in about 15 minutes, but to this day - when I'm jerk-talking with my friends - I think of all the things I should have said but couldn't think of at the time.
You won't have that problem :o).
You rock, girl! And HE is out there somewhere, try to keep the faith.

I have a friend who didn't find out her first husband was a transvestite until a few months after they were married. Of course, he tried to make the whole thing her problem. After they were divorced, she would ask guys on the first date "Are you into anything weird? Because if you are, I want to know right now."

Sorry you had to go through this, CAP.

I've always said there should be an application for dating. There is typically a pretty extensive one needed for a potential job that you don't plan on spending the rest of your life at or possibly having children with ... by golly there should be an app (and background and credit checks too) for dating. It would certainly eliminate a lot of the nonsense men throw at us.

Hmm. Sounds a little like this (true) story I read about a guy who married women to get insurance on them and then they conveniently up and died on him (in really bizarre accidents). The only wife he'd often admit to was the one he had a child from. He always said she was dead, though, when she was actually alive. Not to say this guy was going to off you, but you're certainly better off without him, anyway.

Oh Laurie, Men just suck. Why do they all do that? Get mad at you and act like it is your fault when you call them on a lie or something they conviently omitted.

I am sorry this happened to you but damn proud you stood your ground and called him on his lie. Me.. I just leave.. cause I never have anything so witty to say.

Are you even sure that wife # 3 was actually out of the picture?

There's lots of them about. I just had one who's story changed from "I've broken up with the G/F who has gone back to her home country" to "she's coming back in a fortnight" - told at 1am after he'd had his wicked way! Didn't appreciate being told that he obviously didn't love her that much if he screwed around on her within a week of her leaving aka "you are a shit!". He got angry - I told him where to go. And if he ever crosses me everyone (and I mean everyone) will get to know about just how little he has going for him...!

Yes, you do have to ask if they are married. A couple of different times in a couple of different ways and compare stories. You also have to ask anyone they may introduce you too. I also wouldn't hurt to ask if they are gay, on parole, or an escaped mental patient.

I'm sure there are nice guys who don't lie. I just never seem to meet them.

there are nice guys who don't lie. but unfortunately the assholes like jack give them all a bad name.

haha i can't believe he had the nerve to "allow" you your feelings. what a fuckwit.

OMG what an absolute dog! Aren't you glad you dodged that bullet? I only regret you wasted five months. What a jerk.

He sounds just like my arsehole of an ex-husband! No matter what awful thing he does, I'M completely insane, irrational and totally wrong to get call him on it, and he has the nerve to get pissed at ME!

And we've been apart for over two years, and the only reason we aren't legally divorced yet is because he somehow thinks in his twisted mind that we're going to get back together! Though I have a feeling the 24 year old twinkie he dumped me for doesn't know about any of this!

What's that "don't date him" website again?

I had a "get" in one sentence that shouldn't have been there.
See how pissed I am?
Men suck!

What an ass. I'm so glad you were able to tell him off like you did! Go you!

I read this entry to my hubby. Boy was he steamed. To him it gives all men a bad name! He hates players like that because he can not, nor can I, imagine doing something like this. I guess we are all too nice! But I'm sure there is someone out there better and who doesn't think not telling something important about themselves isn't the same as lieing about it!

What a jackass! It's guys like that that make fine women consider the Sisterhood. Ugh!

I think some people are just sociopathic and defy logic. For instance, my sister is in the aftermath of a horrible breakup with her live-in boyfriend of about a year. Turns out he was sleeping with the girl that rents the basement apartment in my sister's house. However, their activities have been confined to my sister's bedroom when she is at work. Lovely. When she started to suspect and confronted him, he repeatedly made her feel oh so guilty since he and the other woman (and her now-ex bf) are like family and have been close friends for years...

Then she got some proof and kicked the whole lot of them out.

You rock, Laurie.

Oh man, what was he thinking! So this is why my mum chose to stay single. I cant believe he got mad at you!

ps, i saw clapotis here - http://www.knitty.com/ISSUEwinter06/PATTbookofknitty.html and instantly thought of you LOL

Laurie,

Men are scum.

All of them.

Believe me. I know of what I speak.

It's just a shame they're so damn cute sometimes.....

: p

asshat

i love me my cats, dog, and pony.

just think what you would have done before Mr. X. Can you imagine.

But I personally am going to take the "That which does not kill you makes you stronger" methodology of teaching up with God when I die.

asshat

i love me my cats, dog, and pony.

just think what you would have done before Mr. X. Can you imagine.

But I personally am going to take the "That which does not kill you makes you stronger" methodology of teaching up with God when I die.

Oh my LORD what an ass. And that is an insult to asses, so to them I apologize. But may I say that you handled him with perfect Southern grace and aplomb! I'm still laughing at "Me: laughter. Me: even more laughing HAHAHA YOU ALLOW ME. Me: heh."

Yes, David is right.
All men are scum!
I remember the post-divorce dating pool as being particularly shallow and full of algae and protozoa. And why it wouldn't occur to you to ASK if someone you were dating was married? Because you are honest. And the pond scum are NOT! No, not one of them! Even the ass-headed Bottom that I eventually married lied about loving Mozart...(later found out that he'd never even HEARD Mozart...) And if there is potential pudenda involved...they will lie like dogs!

Oh my God...I'm sure I dated him...Aren't we bitches to get upset?

As of today, ROFLMAO...but back then: PO'd!

Oh no he did-int.

"Next!".....
What EVER.
Dating is awful, and we have to keep remiding the 'happily marrieds' that the 'grass is not greener'. Thanks for sharing!

Hi Laurie,

I read your blog because--well--for a few reasons. One: it's funny. Two: I think you are about 6 months ahead of me and my divorce. I read it to find out what I'm in for.

Now, I can't say I will ever date. Not with stories like these--however retrospectively funny.

I think I'll just stay here, on the top of Sonoma Mountain with my recluse housemate and pretend the world is better place.

Much luck.

Just another reason to add to the list of why cats are better than men!

So what have we learned?
It is just too awkward to have acquaintances fill out applications to become "closer" friends. I'm thinking you have to go with referrals. When I was a teenager, my Dad told me, "You don't have to talk to anyone you haven't been introduced to."
So true.
I think one requisite might be to consider that when thinking of forming a family with someone, you should really observe the dynamics of the family they are already in, this would include parents, siblings, children AND ex-wives. Gotta do it.
One more thing; after a similar situation, one of my gf's told me her nine-year-old daughter told her "Maybe you shouldn't sleep with someone until you know them better."

You poor thing! This is one of the excellent examples of why I will never date.

oh sweetjesusbeansontoast.

It never ceases to amaze me how devious human beings can be with one another. Never.

I'm sad you had yet another shitwit to deal with, love.

UN-FREAKIN-BELIEVABLE! I'm so sorry. Hope you're dealing with it well. I know you were keeping this one under wraps for a while... I've been wondering how it was going.

Good for you for calling him on it and not letting him get away with it. For those of us who want to have a man back in our lives - a god man - it's hard to let go, but you done good! I'm proud of you!

what a liar.

it'd be different if he'd told you (at least ON the first date if not before) that he'd been separated for 2 years and never had contact (or something like that).

lots of people nowadays seem not to run out and get the paperwork until they have to -- lazy? need the health insurance? just don't want the drama? but i don't live in a common law state, so maybe folks here don't have to worry as much about the disentanglement issue as in CA.

but, still, what a liar!

Post the creep's real name on the net to the next woman he tries to con is warned!

Also before the second date take the potential man in question for a psychological evaluation, do a full credit check, criminal reference check, and check his marital status.

What a lying creep! He is such a waster - thank goodness you found out.

Oh. My. GOD.
I'm glad you're able to laugh about it - after investing five months of my life I would have been so pissed off I would have probably slashed his tires. (I wonder, when stuff like this happens to you, do you cope by going "BLOG FODDER! BLOG FODDER! Bajillions of people will take my side!"

What a dick.

Wow - who would have seen that coming? And for him to have the audacity to get mad when he was called on his b.s. just blows my mind.

I am all for easing into more difficult conversations, but five months was at least four months too long for him to wait. He misrepresented himself, but not everyone will. There are some good ones out there.

OMG. I laughed too AT HIM. What an idiot he is!

wow. you have to admit, it's kind of hilarious. this clearly has nothing to do with you - it's all about this guy and his own issues (i.e., lying, lying, and lying). and this provided the perfect opportunity for you to clearly end it, and clearly come out the better person.

i really do hope you said all those things to him. brilliant. you probably scared the hell out of him.

OhMyGod what a total loser. I know I'm the 113th person saying that, I just hope he reads your blog and your comments. And what happened to wife #2?

Sue is right. In this day and age, there are certain questions you need to ask at the beginning. Of course, the guide probably says that in one of the chapters.

As for him, I think we all understand now why he has been married three times. "Allowed you," my butt.

Getting mad and calling him a jerk isn't even worth your time! He certainly won't learn from your tongue lashing! I feel for the next woman he "dates," but who I really feel for is "Jillette" - she has now had 3 "Mommies" in her little life, will probably have more, and will grow up thinking this is the norm. Poor kid.

Unbelievable! What a cad.

OMMFG. What a fricken jackass.

I think his outburst about "allowing you" bothered me more than the lie. Had he been sheepish, embarassed, ashamed, you know.. normal, it would still be disgusting but human.

To make it YOUR fault shows an arrogance you are lucky to have uncovered before you got in deeper.

I have no trouble understanding why his first THREE marraiges didn't work.

Laurie, I'm so sorry! Being deceived like that is horrible. But I hope you're proud of yourself for how you reacted--you trusted your instincts that something was off and you managed to tell him exactly how wrong his behavior was without losing your cool. Good for you!

:aughter is the best medicine and the highest form of insult all at once. Good for you, just sorry you had to go through it.

It is an amazing Thing of Men that they get mad at YOU and try to make YOU feel guilty for being "closeminded," "controlling" or "prudish" when they are wrongwrongwrongwrongwrongwrongwrongwrongwrong.

What a hairy ass.

You are way too gracious calling him Jack, babygirl.

OH MY F-ING GAH!!

I seriously gasped when I read that. What an ass, what an ass, what an ass!!

No wonder he's been married so many flippin times!

That really is insane. IN-sane.

What a jerk! You, on the other hand, are fabulous.

Not all men are annoying. Some are dead. I have been single for the last 10 years, and I'm LOVING it. I was with my ex for 6 years before I saw the light and left him, but I hear he's married now. HA, HA, HA, she'll learn... :)

Questions we've had to ask ...

1. "Are you married, divorced, separated, single and living with someone, single and seeing someone, or really, truly single-single?"
2. "Gay, bi, hetero and experimenting, or just hetero?"
3. "Felony, misdemeanor, or nolo contendre?"
4. "Your kid, her kid, no idea whose kid?"
5. "Dentures or fixed bridge?"

After those five are answered, the date may begin.

Although it's true that it's probably not appropriate to expose every little thing about yourself on the first date, having been married 3 times and still currently married to the third wife is NOT a little thing! You were fully justified in being angry. You actually sound as if you were more restrained than I would have been. And it's so true that a lot of men get angry and try to turn it on to the woman when they know that they are in the wrong. Rather like children.

There ARE good, honest, caring men out there though. I've been married to one for 37 years. Unfortunately, single ones in their 30's can be hard to find. However, if they have 3 failed marraiges behind them, I would have my doubts. It's rare when all of the fault in a divorce is on only one side (when one is a cheater is an exception) but 3 times? Come on, somethings got to be seriously wrong with him!

Don't give up but be really careful and remember that a good, full life as a single woman (even if occasionally lonely) is much better than being stuck in a bad relationship. This can be real hard to remember in the lonely hours even when you know how true it is.

Keep your chin up! You're a smart, funny, attractive woman, there must be the perfect guy out there for you. Don't settle for less.

I should tell you about my married man. I was single. I was in college. He seemed nice, as in courteous and polite and not egotistical. We had had one drinks-at-the-pub date and one casual dinner/movie date. On the third date we were at a little neighborhood restaurant. Something about the way the light was, and he had his hand up to his face, and I noticed a faint tan line on his finger. I asked him about it. Oh, yes, by the way, he was married. And he also liked me a lot, and had been working up the nerve to tell me about that little detail, and to ask if we could continue seeing each other, and hopefully hit the sack, but he didn't want a "serious" relationship. Could I handle that?

When I finished choking on my beer, I said that no, that wouldn't do at all, and why on earth was he dating while still married instead of just filing for divorce if he wasn't getting along with his wife?

(I was twenty and naive, okay?)

He said that oh, they got along just fine, but she was SEVEN MONTHS PREGNANT with a baby who was in danger of NOT STAYING IN, and the doctor had said NO SEX till post-partum and recovery, and he just COULDN'T GO THAT LONG WITHOUT GETTING ANY.

But it wasn't "really cheating" because he was looking for no-strings sex so it wouldn't "mean anything."

You know, like men say fellatio isn't really sex? Same logic?

But I was so much less gracious than you. I stood up. I picked up the remainder of the pint of beer. Most of it was still there.

I stood there for a second, and I wanted to think of something really profound to say, but all I could think of was, "YOU ASSHOLE." And then I poured the beer on his head and ran out.

The next day, I felt bad because the waitress had to mop up the mess I made, so I went over to the restaurant to leave her a tip and to apologize. She would not take it. She said, "Are you kidding? I don't know what your date did, but that was magnificent. You ran out before you got your round of applause from all the customers."

To this day I wondered how he explained the beery hair to his poor pregs wife when he got home.

I should tell you about my married man. I was single. I was in college. He seemed nice, as in courteous and polite and not egotistical. We had had one drinks-at-the-pub date and one casual dinner/movie date. On the third date we were at a little neighborhood restaurant. Something about the way the light was, and he had his hand up to his face, and I noticed a faint tan line on his finger. I asked him about it. Oh, yes, by the way, he was married. And he also liked me a lot, and had been working up the nerve to tell me about that little detail, and to ask if we could continue seeing each other, and hopefully hit the sack, but he didn't want a "serious" relationship. Could I handle that?

When I finished choking on my beer, I said that no, that wouldn't do at all, and why on earth was he dating while still married instead of just filing for divorce if he wasn't getting along with his wife?

(I was twenty and naive, okay?)

He said that oh, they got along just fine, but she was SEVEN MONTHS PREGNANT with a baby who was in danger of NOT STAYING IN, and the doctor had said NO SEX till post-partum and recovery, and he just COULDN'T GO THAT LONG WITHOUT GETTING ANY.

But it wasn't "really cheating" because he was looking for no-strings sex so it wouldn't "mean anything."

You know, like men say fellatio isn't really sex? Same logic?

But I was so much less gracious than you. I stood up. I picked up the remainder of the pint of beer. Most of it was still there.

I stood there for a second, and I wanted to think of something really profound to say, but all I could think of was, "YOU ASSHOLE." And then I poured the beer on his head and ran out.

The next day, I felt bad because the waitress had to mop up the mess I made, so I went over to the restaurant to leave her a tip and to apologize. She would not take it. She said, "Are you kidding? I don't know what your date did, but that was magnificent. You ran out before you got your round of applause from all the customers."

To this day I wondered how he explained the beery hair to his poor pregs wife when he got home.

Well, I do have to say I'm sorry so many of ya'll have met some variation of this guy. But yeah, I thought it was funny. And I wasn't in lurve withhim or anything, nary a tear was shed. But still, makes me wary. Dating is hard. I need to be more discerning, and also... have a questionairre handy!

About the comments. I am the least technological person on the planet and am surprised daily this websit even functions. I have no idea how to customize anything, sorry! But makes for funny misunderstandings!

I feel sorry for his kid, too. That's the really sad part of all this. I'll be fine, but she's stuck with this piece of work.

Oh!! And ya'll are right, before all this divorce stuff I would have curled in a ball and tried to eat my own hand.

I think that when I discovered Mr X had remarried a month after our divorce, something switched inside me, made me less afraid somehow to say what's on my mind. I don't know why God works in such a strange and also drunken-humor sort of way, but there you have it.

I'm sure all of the other 128 comments say the same thing, but I feel this compulsive need to say it again - WHAT AN ASS! His ass-like qualities are truly amazing in so many different ways, it's hard to know where to start. I'm glad you were able to discover his true ass-nature now! I have to say it again - WHAT AN ASS! aaggggggggghhhhhhhhh!

Oh. My. GOD.

I'm sure I'm echoing everyone else in saying this, but holy crap on a cracker, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. And, you rock for telling him off. You've come a long way, baby.

Good grief. I'm sorry you went through that, Laurie, but it was better to find out when you did than once you were deeply emotionally invested.

I hope you have better luck next time.

Actually until ya'll started mentioning it, which I love you for and you're payment is in the mail, heh, I had not really considered how far I had come.

So at least there's that. And also, I really am going to make a questionairre. Like something they have to fill out in triplicate and get notarized. Or maybe I will just skip the formalities and ask for references, like a job interview. I could care less how much money someone makes or what car they drive or if they have a hair left on their noggin, but I do not date entangled men. Well. Not knowingly anyway. Geez!

Hi Laurie - every Christmas, my cousin and I like to exchange somewhat mean-spirited Christmas gag gifts. Like, he got his ear pierced one year, so I filled a Caboodle up with the most horrid lady earrings I could find. So, I had a spell there where I was attracting the world's best losers, so one year I unwrapped the Complete Idiot's Guide to Dating. I never actually admitted as much to my cousin, but I actually read the thing. The whole, entire thing. And I don't know if it's superstition, or coincidence, or what, but seriously, I met the guy I'm with right now (we've been dating a little over a year), not a week after I read the thing.

All I'm saying is, hey - could be worth a try??

Smiles and good luck,
Erin

Oh my lands, Laurie. I do believe you need to send him the book "Dating for Dummies". Trust me sister, he is the dummie, not you. What is it about lying and men? I do believe that if THEY believe it, why on earth would us poor, pitiful womenfolk believe them. My suggestion is to read Men are from Mars - and women should never visit there! I am on your side my friend, and as angry as you. What a turd. I wonder if he actually has custody of this poor child - maybe he thinks that sounds good too!

I shall have a glass of wine tonight and think of you! Cheers, Laurie! I hope the door hits that man in the ass as he leaves! Keep your chin up!

what. a. fucktard.

and I swear: there a still a few good ones left out there.

The cheating, the lying, the blaming of ME for anything and everything - that's why I am now divorcing my total jerk of a husband (of 24 years!). Unfortunately, the dating world sounds no different than my marriage. How depressing.

The only comfort I have lately is the dependable glow of my computer screen, as I visit dear friend Zappos and wait for more boxes of cute grief therapy to arrive... Soon I will need an intervention...

Purl, you HAVE come a long way. I commiserate with you with every post.

Where did you find this guy? Terrible.

This behavior isn't new, either. Nearly 30 years ago, when I was dating my first husband, I was talking to my mom on the phone one night, telling her about the new guy. I mentioned that he was divorced. She said, "Make him prove it and show you the decree, no kidding, the next time you see him." Mom spoke from sad experience, herself! So my guy turned out to be okay, we were married for 7 years before divorcing. And I now have a real prince of a guy who is better than just okay, so they are out there. But I've learned a few things, chiefly, Never Trust A Charming Man.
Good luck, Laurie, and have faith. Good guys do exist.

It astounds me how many creeps there are out there.

I had a guy go apeshit on me because I wanted to do a background check before I met him. Needless to say he saved me the $$$ and trouble.

I had another guy who was still swearing that his marriage was over after his wife got pregnant.

Girlfriend it sounds like you earned you a most excellent reason for going dancing with your girl posse. You rock. I am so spending the evening sifting through that don't-date-him site

You're well rid of him, as I'm sure you realize. Yuck!

I know a lot of people replied and you might not see this, but DAMN. My jaw dropped when I read he had been married THREE MORE TIMES AND WAS STILL CURENTLY MARRIED. Then I howled when he got mad at you. That is priceless.

That is the most unbelievable thing I have heard in a very long time. Wow.

Your response to his asshole-ry was AWESOME.

The background check might not be such a bad idea for the next one.

Hey Laurie,

well, it's a point of view thing. Did I ever mentioned that my boyfriend's still married to another guy? They still live together and sleep in the same bed (without anything going on - and I can see it).

Okay, it's different because "Jack" had never told you that. So, I think it's fair enough for you to be mad at him. But it's ridiculous that Jack actually got mad at you. He's a jerk. :-)

Take care *hugz*
You know who I am. :-)

That is insane. I guess it is time for a new list.
A dating checklist or survey that must be filled out prior to first date. Well that is insane too. Sorry this happened.

That settles it. You must marry Drew.

Seriously, think of it this way - When faced with "gems" of the dating world like this, you can simply smile and say, "Why, that makes us perfect for each other, here's MY hubby's photo!"

Then while he's eyeing up Drew's (hunky, make him work the photo!) picture, kick him in the balls.

Just a suggestion :)

what an arsehole! Mark that dick to experience. Agree with a few of the other comments already up. Work in a few of the basic questions into the conversation ie are you gay? are you married/divorced? and asking for the paperwork to prove it isnt a bad thing...... if they get offended and huff off, then they are not worth it. the good ones who are genuinely interested in you will laugh and happily produce them! as they will probably have been through the same dating scenarios as you :)

Hey, one thing I agree on: Laurie handled this in awesome fashion.

One thing I will call some of you on - All men are NOT such awful people. Some men are, some women are. Some men are OK, some women are OK. Some men are awesome, some women are awesome. Laurie belongs in the latter group.

Some days I am the asshole in my current relationship and some days my husband is, and because we know that we have a lot of days where we are OK and even a few where we are awesome, the marriage has lasted 26 years and we are still excited to see each other at the end of the day.

Oh God, I'm so sorry that it seems you may have been dating my ex boyfriend from 6 years ago! If I'd have known he was still pulling this crap I would have warned you because he did the same thing to me! My time with him lasted for 3 months and boy when the truth came out I was so angry I was beside myself.

My condolences to you -- I know how it feels.

Christmas is coming up ... maybe The Complete Idiot's Guide to Divorce would be a good gift to send to Jack?

God, he's a sh!thead. That is all.

Be glad you're single - otherwise you'd be stuck with his lying a$$. Jillette's stuck, and she's just a kid. Poor girl!

Well, as long as you're thinking of getting a dating book with an embarrassing title, "How to succeed with men" has a MUCH better chapter on spotting creeps. I recommend it highly.

After I stopped laughing I turned to my husband and said "You are never, ever, under any circumstances, in any way, shape or form, allowed to leave me, is that clear?" Because then I would have to start dating. Urgh.

Actually EVERYONE gets mad when they get caught and they know they did wrong. Not everyone is caught doing so spectacularly wrong, however. You did terrific! I would have stood up and said, "uh, uh, um, I have to go now," and only after I got home would I have thought of all those things to say to him. If I ever do date (heaven forfend) I am printing out this post and carrying it with me at all times.

Thank you so much for making me laugh. Sorry about the douchebag, Jack, but damn, you tell it so well.

Run do not walk to get this book "All Men are Jerks" (until proven otherwise) Hell just say the
word and I will mail you my copy.This is a book that should be issued to EVERY WOMAN AT AGE 18!!!
I cannot tell you how many times I have loaned it out.I'm pretty sure I'm finally done with it...(AT 42 YEARS OLD.... HELLO! )Seriously !! It's the least I can do for all the great crazycatwomanwineknitty bloggness...........

Deja Vue!!! I had the exact same thing happen to me except we were having this conversation in person just after I noticed his tax return on our cohabitational kitchen table. The conversation started as "Jon, why are you filing jointly? I have my own return." Being the naive 25-year-old I was, I can't believe it, but I stayed. (It didn't hurt that he looked like the Young Elvis). I was suspicious and I started poking around in that closet he didn't want me to open and surprise! Girl's stuff! But wait - this wasn't his wife's, it was his 'previous' girlfriend's who had become a stewardess! He had some story about the benefits of knowing someone who could GET CHEAP AIRLINE TICKETS FOR US WHEN WE GO ON A HONEYMOON. This chapter ends with me letting my cat pee in his pristine '57 chevy then me calling the time lady in Tokyo and leaving the phone off the hook.

THANK GOD you are wise and can walk away; I'd hate to see another car ruined with cat pee!! (hee hee)

It is jack asses like this that give us all a bad name. wow!

BD

If it makes you feel better(it won't),,, the book wouldn't have done you a bit of good in this situation. You would have needed one titled "dating dummies" or "dating dumbasses" in order to help you out here.

BD

Laurie, ummm...WTF. When I got to *that* part in the story, my mouth dropped hard and long. HOLY SHIT. What a jerk! HE...ALLOWED...YOU?!?! You should also add to your list of questions to ask potential dates if they're on CRACK. Seriously. He must have been.

OH, and add to that list above:

"Do you have a *very close* female (and single) best friend? since high school? elementary school? Who you hang out with every other day? At your house late at night?"

OOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!

Laurie, forget the questionnaire. For years one of my cousin's and I have said that we should develop an application. And applicants should supply three references -- preferably former girlfriends. This way we can feel justified when we later give said guy his termination papers. My cousin did this to a guy once. Honestly. "Your services are no longer required..."

just incase anyone was wondering what to do with those letters our little ones write to santa this is what the US post office can do. This is a good cheap fun thing to do for christmas

The Postal Service™ is helping to create holiday memories for children. Parents and guardians can work with their children as they write letters to Santa. They can secretly craft a response from Santa and mail it in a second envelope to the Fairbanks, AK Post Office™. Postal elves at the nearby North Pole Post Office will postmark Santa’s replies and mail them back to the children. To make this holiday activity especially enjoyable, parents should follow these suggested ideas:

Beyond the, “here’s what I want” list, parents can ask children to write about why the holiday season is special.
Parents can also teach children that proper addressing techniques include a return address with ZIP Code™.
After taking the letters from the children, parents and guardians can tell them they will mail the letters. Parents should keep the letters in a safe place until they can write Santa’s response. In the event that the child might recognizes their handwriting, a friend or neighbor could rewrite the letter.
To make Santa’s response special, beyond reminding children that Santa knows if they’ve been bad or good, a line or two about the child’s recent accomplishment could be added to the letter.
As a P.S., Santa might want to remind the child to be in bed at a certain time.
Santa’s response should then be placed in a stamped envelope addressed to the child, and the North Pole, AK, should be included as the return address.
This envelope should then be placed into a larger, properly stamped, First-Class Mail® or Priority Mail® envelope and mailed to:
North Pole Christmas Cancellation
Postmaster
5400 Mail Trail
Fairbanks AK 99709-9998

Cameras should be on hand so parents can record the excitement.
Parents and guardians should save the child’s letter, Santa’s response and the photo and present them to the child years later in an album as a special gift.
North Pole postmark requests must arrive in Fairbanks, AK, before December 15, 2006. After that date, Priority Mail should be used.

Customers interested in obtaining the North Pole Postmark on greeting cards should mail them to the same address, making sure that stamped envelopes contain inserts. Empty envelopes can be damaged by high-speed sorting equipment.

By following these helpful hints customers can keep letters to and from Santa moving as quickly as possible, thus avoiding delays that could result from the appearance of envelopes or the way the letters have been prepared. To learn more about new mail safety measures put into place by the Postal Service, visit www.usps.com.

Good for you! You handled that beautifully. What an idiot he was for getting mad at you.

By the way, any man that has been married that many times at his age, Girlfriend THERE IS SOMETHING WAY WRONG WITH HIM!

Holy Cow!!!! What is with this guy??? Unbelievable - it just blows my mind.

With any luck, your laughter shaved a few inches off of him….

Brava, cara.

I think maybe The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating and Sex might be more appropriate than the Dating for Dummies book. Or maybe in conjunction with the Dating for Dummies book.

Good God, what an idiot.

Holy fuck. Well. Here in Maricopa County, AZ, the Recorder's Office does us gals the favor of putting pretty much all county court documents online and makes them available for public viewing. Checking for divorce documents without leaving the comfort of your porch! Tres fab! You can also see if he really owns that nice house, or if it is co-owned by HIS WIFE. Sure, it's a huge invasion of privacy, but whatever. A girl can't be too careful.

Gosh, you dumped him right before the good part! The part where he allows you to make him a turkey pot pie! Dang. See what happens when you raise your standards? The losers get away. :)

Oh good lord!!!

Next it'll be, have you been tested? May I see your card.

Are you divorced? May I see the papers.

What a crack pot!!!!!

Uggghhh
Now I know people who are separated and just haven't bothered to do the paperwork... but the appropriate response in a case like yours would be something like "You're right you are so important to me and I am a putz for procrastinating I'll call my lawyer tomorrow"... except for the part about the other wives....strike three, buddy!

No. Effing. Way.
That is hilarious. And infuriating. And sadly, not that surprising.
I've met my fair share of wack-a-do's, but none of them compares to that one!

There are a couple of really, really bright spots in your sad, but hilarious story.

Number 1: You got mad and told him so.

Number 2: He's such an ass that there will be no heartache over this scumbucket. F*ck him and the horse he rode in on.

I'm sorry this happened to you, but you should be so proud of yourself for standing up and demanding the goodness that you deserve.

Good LORD! Can I just high-five you for all the laughter, though? Because there are women out there, sad to say, who would believe him, and obviously there were a couple who actually believed him so much they married him! Good grief. What a chump. The best part is you listened to your inner radar. CHIME! DING! ALERT! You don't need a handbook as long as you always listen to that....

You should smack him upside the head next time you see him. But then he is probably the type that would hit you back. Asshole.

Sometimes I really hate men.

Sorry sons, you I love.

Reminds me of a story a friend told me. She got together with a guy who she had known for a long time and had this long on-off history with another friend. She got involved because she was assured they were over and weren't seeing each other any more. Later she finds out (from the other girl) they are still seeing each other and sleeping together. She is understandably pissed off, and confronts him. He says that yes, he did go and see her, and yes, he is still sleeping with her - but he doesn't see where he lied. She says, well, the lie was when you told me that you weren't seeing her and you still are. He says he doesn't think that is a lie. She repeats her explanation. He repeats that he doesn't see the part that's actually a lie. It goes on a long time, and, like your guy, he gets pissed off with her for accusing him of lying despite the fact that HE WAS LYING TO HER FACE. *Headdesks*

People are crazy and dillusional. Take some comfort from the fact that you really don't want to be in a relationship with somebody like that. All the best.

Okay, I'll hold the idot while you smack him.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
WHAT AN EFFING LOSER!!!
i cannot even believe that he thought it wasn't a big deal?!
obviously, you are so much better off without that loser of an excuse of a man!
and way to go on standing up for yourself! and for chewing him out! and for just being you!
you're great! you're awesome!
you have a great day at work! we love you so much here in blog-world. you rock! :o)

I don't think all men are assholes; just the one in your blog entry. And Mr. X. But I mean, there have to be some decent ones left out there somewhere?

I've had some short-lived relationships lately that got me thinking that yeah, I *am* ready to try and get serious with someone who wants to be serious too. I'm actually thinking of doing a personal ad or two. I saw this lady on Oprah several years back who dated, like, 100 guys in a mission to find 'the one.' She eventually did, too. It was an interesting show.

Anyway, my comment is really buried so I dunno if Laurie will see it. I've been meaning to ask how you're meeting the guy(s) you've been dating?

Jezz what an ass. Pompous and controlling come to mind for some reason. Probably a very good thing you dumped him. There are a few red-flag things there for abuse too not just for him being a lying prick.

Good for you, Laurie, for standing up for yourself! This guy sounds like a Grade 'A' Moron.

You don't need a handbook! Much as I love and have faith in Dr. Joy Browne, that book is for the women who would carry on dating that loser "well, he's not really married because he doesn't live with her...". Look at how strong you are! Good job.

On the PHONE no less???!!! He didn't even have the stones to tell you face to face???!!! What a butthead! And Caroline (above) totally has the right idea. Make a friend who works at an HR firm or the FBI or something. (I know someone who did this when she was single-again and dating and she worked at an HR firm w/ detailed background check ability). She had access to sex offender lists, convicted felon lists, other legal records, etc., and didn't have any qualms about looking up a prospective date. If he has anything to hide, he'll get ticked. Also, just google his name and see what comes up; you'll get 'net hits from divorce notices (or bankruptcy, that sort of stuff) or outstanding warrants (God forbid! but it happens!) in the paper.

Curious - how'd you meet Jack? When I was single-again, I tried to date only people that new my friends and had solid friend history, so surprises like that are less likely.

Oh for the love of everything sacred! What a freakin' weenie. Kudos to you for speaking your mind. Men huh? And they talk about "b*tch logic". Go figure.

His last name wasn't 'Off' was it?

What a yay-hoo. Good on ya for ditching the yutz.

First of all: BRILLIANT handling of it. The other posters are right - laughing at him was absolutely the best thing you could have done, and you stood your ground and didn't let him bully you. "Allow you" my ass!

Second: Yes, this is all part of dating and dating sucks. I dated a really nice guy who dropped a bombshell on me five months into seeing him that while it wasn't illegal/immoral or unethical, was something that meant we really didn't have a future together. It happens.

Third: If you do date online, absolutely have a clause in your profile that states you are only looking for serious, monagamous relationships leading to marriage (why else bother?) and you do not date married men. I had one in mine about the guy had to have dealt with all his emotional/psychological issues.

I got fewer responses, but they were of higher quality and fewer guys with profiles that made them look like something out of "Deliverance."

Fourth: Background check, background check, background check. You worked for the Daily News; you have contacts there who can help you do this if you don't know how.

(Five minutes after my now-fiance told he his first name and where he worked, I had his first and last name, home address, home telephone number and web page, and also some other records to verify that yes, he had told me his actual age and there was no Mrs. living at the same address. I did my homework. Remember the journalists' credo: If your mother tells you she loves you, check it out.")

Fifth: Not all men are scum. My guy is now 50, never married, no kids - what's wrong with him? Not a damn thing. He's wonderful! But he's a NICE guy and is going bald and that apparently was enough to rule him out for some women. Their loss - because he spoils me rotten and makes me unbelievably happy. He loves my cats and they adore him.

Everybody says anybody over 40 who has never been married is suspect, but there are a LOT of guys out there like that who are great guys, but they don't make "enough" money or they don't have a full head of hair or drive a flashy car.

Well. What a wonderfully stable home life he must be providing poor little Jillette with this revolving-door policy on stepmoms.

Perhaps Santa will bring you a year's subscription to PeopleSearch.com for Christmas? You know birth records, marriage and divorce records, etc.

A little nosiness goes a long way to preventing us from getting involved with dirtbags!

Oh.my.god. How outrageous! I'm glad you can keep a sense of humor about the whole thing-- how shameless can you be?!

I'm a big fan, Laurie, de-lurking to say I think you're awesome. Seriously, that was horrific! Hang in there, dear, we're all rooting for you.

WHAT. A. DICK.

*speechless*

Wow. What an a*hole. And to think he had the nerve to be upset with YOU.

Just. . . wow. At least you didn't waste any more time with him.

You know, it might be considered a public service to women everywhere if you published "Jack's" real name & photo for those unsuspecting ladies in his geographic dating range. . . ;-)

So proud of you Laurie! I am one that would still shrink and curl up if a guy talked to me like that. So I'm going to re-read this entry until I get it into my head and how to talk to a @ss like that if I run into one. I think there's a dating book inside of you somewhere.

Okay, after reading all of the comments, which I did not do before my first comment, I just want to say something. All men are not assholes. Many are, as are many women. When you're in the dating scene you are naturally going to meet more of the assholish people than the wonderful people OF EITHER SEX. Because the wonderful people are the ones sitting at home wondering how to meet people who are not assholes, while the assholes just go out and cruise and cruise.

Re-enforcing stupid stereotypes doesn't help anyone, and saying that all men use and lie to women is just as bad (and just as incorrect) as saying all African Americans spit in other people's food, all Jews pick their noses in public, all Chinese people make prank phone calls. If somebody left a comment here saying that all women are just out looking for a ring and a joint bank account, all hell would break loose. I'm not trying to be a jerk, I'm just saying.

Not that I have any concrete advice for Laurie in how to meet a guy who isn't a lying ass. The singles scene attracts them, for sure. But they don't speak for all men.

In case no-one has already posted this, Don't Date Him Girl is the perfect place to put Jack's name, address and photo!

http://www.dontdatehimgirl.com/

He's an ass boobie and not worth your time. There are good guys out there....for some reason though, they are so much harder to find.

You'll find the one, Laurie. Just manage to keep your sanity until you do. Oops, what sanity? ;)

OMG, you are so well-rid of this asshat. A liar *and* controlling--great combo. NOT! Heaven only knows what else he'd have thought it was okay to not tell you about if you'd gotten serious.

It only takes ONE good one, hon--hope you meet up with him soon!

P.S. Speaking of awful surprises. . . the daughter of a friend of mine married a guy who told her about his FULL DENTURES on their wedding night. (She called her mom, freaking out, it was terrible.) So the question above about "Dentures or fixed bridge?" isn't as far out as one would hope. . .

Hon, I think you should run right out and buy "The Sweet Potato Queens' Field Guide To Men: Evey Man I Love Is Either Married, Gay or Dead". It may not help find a good man ... but it will certainly give you a laugh! :)

OMG! Deceitful @#$%&*!

Instead of saying all men are jerks, how about we just say that all men who are legally married, but decide to date before finalizing that previous commitment, are jerks? Especially if they withhold that information from the women they are trying to date.

A man I used to work with put it this way: All men are pigs, but there are good pigs and bad pigs.
Jack is a bad pig.

"Ass boobie!!" Ba ha ha ha! I'm going to have to remember that one!

Is Jack's name really Chuck? Because I've been there too...

I feel really sorry for his little girl!!

I'm coming out of lurkdom to say: What a fucking pig! Oh I'm so sorry you had to go through that crap.

So sorry, Laurie! I've been through a situation in the past that involved many deceptions and lies and I was such a freakin retard desperately hoping that this guy really was just needing some space and the other woman was just a "friend". Who I found out he had moved in with. And told her that he had broken it off with me. While stringing me along. Lying to us both while enjoying two relationships at the same time. God, what an idiot I was! But hey, that's what those experiences are for, right? Life lessons.

what a douche bag! I am so glad you found out before it went any further... It's those LA men Laurie, they are no good I tell you!
Heidi

Mental patients! I was hanging out with a guy friend who said he'd never cross the line and did, then he made plans to get together with me for a drink and flaked...and when I called him on it he accused ME of having too high of standards for friends and that I was expecting too much of people and looking for things to be wrong with them so I could be disappointed in them! Whoa! Crack smokah!

That is totally weird. Wouldn't you have found out sooner or later? He sounds pretty dumb keeping that info from you. I feel for you!

Oh, Laurie, I'm so sorry this happened to you. I do believe in Karma, which I imagine as sort of a cosmic pit bull that will one day (soon) bite him in the ass.

I am glad that you're out there dating. Kissing frogs, as it were, but you know what they say....

Well, after 200 and some posts, I am just passing some air around LOL but what the hell, I'll post this anyways just for shits and giggles...not like it will be read anyways LOL....ok, this guy Jack....you have GOT to be kidding me, kind of like "Oh, it's ok, I'm just a little pregnant" OY VEY!! You shouldn't have put him in your cell phone, ya gotta stick to your own rules LOL..from now on, all men MUST fill out 10 page questionaires LOL.

Ugh, that happened to my ex-boyfriend, actually. He was dating someone who never said she had been married until he found her wedding pictures online. And then she implied she was divorced, which she actually wasn't. Sheesh.

Hi,

Okay so I know this was posted a few days ago but I've been away a bit. I, too, was rolling on the floor laughing. At the ridiculousness of it of course. My favourite was when I fella I was dating never got around to mentioning the house he lived in and car he drove were actually HIS PARENTS! Dr. Phil says men sometimes need big dots connected with bright red lines to get things. Sounds like Jack might need dots the size of crop circles and lines the size of a 400 series highway (the Canadian version of an 4 or 8 lane highway). :-) Michelle

Oh Laurie, good for you! I wish I'd had your courage to tell my jerk that yes, knowing he was married was significant information...Good for you. The next step is to stop doing dating the same way, like everyone says, do more homework cuz one day, like me, you'll wake up and realize you are wasting too much of your life on losers (even if they do make for good storytelling). Hang in there, but get a different plan.